My Angel is the Centerfold
Chapter 10
River snapped her phone shut, clutching it in her hand as she fought the urge to smash it against the side of the building. She forced herself to take a deep breath. Her eyes were filling up with water. She swiped at them with the backs of her hands before the tears could spill down over her cheeks. Angry crying was her least favorite type of emotional outburst. Sometimes crying could be cathartic. But right now, it was making her feel weak and even more foolish than she already felt.
"What the hell was I thinkin'," she grumbled. "Should know better by now."
River slid her phone into the pocket of her denim shorts and leaned back against the outer wall of the bakery. The brick was rough and scratchy. She could feel it through her clothes. But at the moment, she didn't mind. The uncomfortable sensation was helping to distract her from the swell of self deprecating thoughts that were swirling together in her mind.
Earlier that week, she went in for a routine doctor's appointment. She didn't care much for doctors. But this was her annual pelvic exam. The one that was required if she wanted her doctor to keep prescribing her birth control. If she didn't have her monthly packet of little blue pills, she would have a much bigger problem than the results of her urine test. It was supposed to be a routine visit. River knew her doctor planned to run a standard checklist of tests. But she wasn't expecting to fail any of them. And she certainly wasn't expecting to receive a call telling her that she had a sexually transmitted disease. Gonorrhea. It sounded just as gross as it was. Thinking about it made her want to throw up.
"That lyin' disgustin' pig," River lamented.
River knew there was really no reason she ought to be shocked. Or even surprised. Merle made her a lot of promises over the last seventeen years. And he never kept a single one of them. Really, she ought to be relieved that the nasty infection she caught from him this time was one that could be cured with a round of antibiotics. It could have been worse. Much worse. And the thought of that made her angry all over again. Merle never thought of anyone besides himself. It wasn't like she even asked him to stop sleeping with other women. She only asked him to be safe about it if he wanted to keep sleeping with her. Was that really so much to ask?
River pushed herself off the side of the building. She took one more deep breath before she headed inside the bakery. Carol gave her a look of questioning concern when River said she needed to make a quick run to the pharmacy. But River waved her off, promising that she would explain the situation when she got back. She needed a few minutes to collect herself before she told Carol about the phone call she just got from her doctor's office.
Slamming the car door shut, River jerked the vehicle into drive and headed off towards the pharmacy. She was hoping her anger would diminish on the drive over. But her frustration only seemed to increase the closer she got to the store. When she arrived, she entered the store and took her place in line for the pharmacy counter. There was a man waiting just in front of her. He glanced back, letting his eyes linger on her breasts before he offered her a wolfish grin. River was wearing cut off denim shorts and her pink bakery logo tank top. But she'd discovered years ago that it didn't matter how she dressed. Men leered at her even if she went grocery shopping in her pajamas. Normally, it didn't bother her. But she was already in a foul mood. And for a moment, she considered leaning as close as she could to the man in the paint splattered work boots and whispering right into his ear. I've got a raging case of gonorrhea. The thought of that made River giggle a little for the first time since she got off the phone with her doctor's office. But thankfully, the man was called ahead to the counter before she could act on her intrusive thoughts.
"I can help the next person over here!"
River approached and smiled at the slightly overweight middle aged woman behind the counter. Her hair was slicked back from her shiny forehead. She looked like the type of woman that stopped putting any effort into her appearance years ago. Which was actually sort of unfortunate. She had a thick head of wavy blonde hair that was streaked with gray. And her eyes were an unusual and pretty shade of dark green.
The woman behind the counter tapped at the computer, imputing River's last name and birthdate. The interaction between them seemed perfectly average and benign until the woman located River's information in their system. When she read what was on the screen, the woman's mouth twisted up into a tight smirk. And she glanced across the counter at River with an obvious look of disapproval.
"I'll have that right up for you," the woman chirped, her voice forcefully polite.
River watched as the woman took a few steps away and began to rifle through the hanging rows of small plastic bags. Another pharmacy tech was doing the same. And the woman that was helping River leaned close to her coworker, whispering softly into her ear. River couldn't hear what the woman said. But it wasn't hard to guess, especially when the other woman glanced back at River with an amused smirk. When she turned back towards the rows of hanging plastic bags, River could see the woman's body shaking with silent laughter.
The heat was rising in River's cheeks. She was embarrassed. And angry at the two pharmacy techs who were getting amusement out of her misery. They had no business passing judgment on her. River bet they'd been cheated and lied to at some point in their lives. Sometimes River felt like no matter what she did to better her life, people would never see her as anything but a two bit slut that showed her tits for money. Men would never want anything from her other than what she had between her legs. She was nothing to them other than a hole to fill. A gross hole that was now filled with Merle's gonorrhea.
"That'll be fifty two dollars," the woman said, slapping River's medication down on the counter.
River reached into her back pocket and grabbed her wallet. She thumbed through her cash, pulling out two twenties and eleven dollars in ones. The woman grimaced as she took the cash, holding it with one finger and her thumb and touching it as little as she possibly could. She deposited the money into the cash drawer, quickly reaching for the bottle of hand sanitizer and slathering her hands in it as though she might catch River's infection just by touching the money from her wallet.
"You know you're still contagious for at least a week after you start taking these," the woman lectured, pushing the medication across the counter.
River rolled her eyes, snatching up the white paper bag with her medication inside and stomping off towards the door. By the time she slammed her car door shut behind her, River was wiping tears from her eyes for the second time that day. She knew she ought to drive straight back to the bakery. She'd feel better after she vented her problems to Carol. River knew Carol didn't approve of her continued relations with Merle. But Carol never judged her for it like her other friends did. Driving back and talking to her was the smart thing to do. But River was never one to do the smart thing. Instead of turning left and heading back in the direction she came from, River took a right out of the parking lot.
Fifteen minutes later, River was pounding on the door to Merle's fleabag motel room. His bike was still parked in the lot. So River knew he was inside. There was broken glass scattered across the walkway outside his room. And she kicked it out of her way as she stepped closer, using the flat of her hand to pound even harder on the door to his room.
"Merle!," she hollered. "OPEN UP ASSHOLE!"
The curtains on the nearby rooms fluttered. And one man opened his door and poked his sleep rumpled head out, not even trying to hide the fact that he wanted to see the show she was putting on. River ignored him and pounded harder on the door, demanding that it be opened. And finally, she heard some movement inside Merle's room. There was a metallic jingle of the door chain. And then the doorknob wiggled. When the door opened, River took a step back. For a moment, she thought she might have pounded on the wrong door. But then she recognized the woman that was standing in the doorway, covering her naked torso with a cheap hotel pillow. She was Merle's court appointed fucking lawyer.
"Hi Andrea. Handin' out some free legal advice today, are ya?," River asked. The woman blinked her eyes a few times before she realized who River was. She'd certainly seen her enough times, on the other side of the courtroom asking for a protective order. Or sitting in the courtroom behind Merle when she was acting as his alibi to get him out of whatever bullshit he most certainly was guilty of.
"Fuck you," the woman huffed. She reached for the door, intending to slam it in River's face. But River stepped forward and jammed her foot against the door to keep it open.
"I've got some free advice fer yer ass," River spit. She leaned in closer to the woman. "Go get yerself tested fer STDs. He just gave me the damn clap!"
"What?," the woman said, her voice rising into a shrill shriek. "You're lying!"
River flipped the woman off before she pulled her sneaker away from the door. She could hear Merle and his lawyer screaming at each other as she headed down the cement walkway towards the stairs. The man that was poking his head out of his room must have heard everything. Because he was laughing his crackhead ass off.
River was halfway down the steps when she heard Merle calling her name. She stopped, glancing up towards the hallway. He was only clad in a frayed pair of boxer shorts, picking his way through the broken glass to keep from cutting his bare feet up.
"Ya gave me the clap, ya fuckin' pig!," River hollered, aiming her middle finger in his direction. "I told ya if this ever happened again, we were done! Do yerself a favor and lose my number! 'Cause the next time ya call me I'm gonna report ya fer breaking yer restrainin' order!"
When accused of something he'd obviously done, Merle always went for one of two strategies. He would either love bomb her with insincere apologies and promises. Or he would deny the shit and start accusing her of being the one causing the problem. From the look on his face, it was hard to tell which way he was going to go. River opened her car door and stood there watching him scratch his bare feet up on the dirty cement stairs. It would serve him right if he got tetanus.
"Ya probably got the shit from that big coon at the club!," Merle accused, cursing loudly as he stepped in the edge of what looked like a puddle of half dried vomit.
"Ya don't get the clap from dancin'!," River hollered back. She hadn't slept with anyone but him. There was no point in trying to find a boyfriend. Merle would scare off any men she brought around. Especially if they were nice. She stopped even trying years ago.
"Ya call it dancin', looked more like dick ridin' ta me!" Merle hollered at her as he continued on his way down the stairs. "Ya think I'm fuckin' stupid River? I know what goes on in the private room at yer club. And it ain't dancin'!"
River snorted out air through her nose. Merle had some audacity giving her a hard time about how she supported his children. Maybe if he didn't get her pregnant when she was fourteen years old, she might have been able to go to college and get a real job. She didn't even make it to high school. Thinking about it pissed her off. And she was already pissed off. Because he gave her a venereal disease. And because those fat bitches at the pharmacy laughed at her and called her a whore.
"Maybe if you acted like a goddamn man and supported yer family, I wouldn't have ta show my fuckin' tits fer money, Merle!" River tucked a stray strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "Ya know what? If ya wanna accuse me of sleepin' around, then I might as well do it!"
River climbed behind the wheel of her car and snapped the door shut. Merle wasn't punching her windows this time. By the time he reached her car, he must have realized that screaming at her wasn't getting him anywhere. Because he was apologizing through the already cracked glass. Come on baby, we can talk about this. I'm sorry for everythin'. You know I didn't mean fer this ta happen. River ignored him as she backed her car out of the parking space.
River's plan was to head back to the bakery. That's where she should have gone in the first place after she left the pharmacy. But instead, she found herself driving towards the ball field outside the high school. She parked in a space close to the edge of the fence. And she watched her daughter sprint back and forth across the grass. Harley was yards ahead of the other girls with her long blonde ponytail streaming out behind her. Whatever Harley did, she played to win. Even if they were only practicing. Whenever River felt like she was questioning her life choices, all she had to do was look at her oldest daughter. Harley was strong. And tough. She was going to make something out of her life. Whatever else she'd done wrong, River could look at Harley and know she did at least one thing right.
River popped open her glove box, pulling out a small packet of tissues. She held a tissue against the corners of her eyes as she blinked her tears away. She was focused on Harley and the thoughts running rampant through her mind. The soft knock on her window startled her and made her jump.
"Is everything okay?"
River peered out through the cracked glass. She recognized Harley's softball coach. She'd seen the man before. From the stands on the rare occasion that she wasn't working and could actually make it to a game. River knew he was good looking. But she'd never been this close to him before. The dimples on either side of his mouth were visible as he smiled at her. And he had the type of bedroom eyes that it would be easy to get lost in. River considered rolling her window down. But with the way it was cracked, she was worried it might not roll back up. So she opened her car door and stepped out. River only came up to his shoulders. She had to tilt her chin back to meet his gaze. River smiled up at him. But when her eyes flicked back down, she noticed something that caught her interest. He wasn't wearing a wedding ring.
