For a while she stood there and considered what to do. What she could and wanted to do. Suddenly, her brother approached her and she started to walk away but of course he wasn't deterred and just followed her.

"Wait a moment. What this man said is not right and we let him know that but you can't just leave like this"

"But he is right! I'm a bastard and spent so much time with Dwarves. And Fíli..." she felt tears in her eyes again and her brother took a step closer, pulling her into his arms "That's the worst part"

"Come on, let's go back inside" for some reason she complied and followed him because she felt it was her duty to settle that matter for once and all. After that she would be free to do as she wanted. And she owed it to her brother who would be king soon "Thank you" he muttered, letting go of her and placed a hand on her back as they walked back into the room. She glared at the man who insulted her and he cleared his throat, getting up

"I should apologise for my words. It is not my place to talk about you like this, your highness" and she could only figure that someone must have reprimanded him quite a lot. Not that she minded – in contrary. "I also apologise for the bet about your husband. You should know that it never came about" she gave a nod but knew that she couldn't just forgive him that easily. And then the man even muttered to himself that he was glad the bet didn't take place or else he would have lost and again Lhindril considered to either make him pay or run off. Instead she sat down in her chair again.

"Well, as our friend here so nicely said, I just again want to insist that I let my brother take the throne" she spoke "because as I said before, I will not leave Fíli and if he... doesn't survive I might not be longer bound to Erebor but I simply couldn't rule a kingdom on my own. In fact I wouldn't even know what to do"

"If this is your decision, Lhindril, daughter of Arathorn, then we shall accept it" an older council member insisted and a few others murmured in agreement. She looked up and gave her brother a little smile.

"Long live Aragorn, our king" one suddenly shouted and the others started too, making her smile broader. She got up, walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Of course she knew what kind of burden she just got rid of and which she had placed on him now. And if he needed her help she definitely would help him. Because after all he too didn't want to be king if it could have been helped. Someone asked if they should plan the coronation and discuss further details but to her surprise, Aragorn declined.

"I promised my sister to help with something. I'm sorry. But we'll meet again tomorrow" with that he got up and placing a hand on her back, he started leading her out of the room

"Thank you" she muttered when they went towards the healing rooms and she knew what he wanted to do. And maybe the thank also was because he would now do his duty to their people. He nodded and stopped.

"Maybe it's better if you lay down and get some proper sleep? Because knowing you, you wouldn't leave once you are back with Fíli"

"I know" she said. She didn't want anyone stopping her from going back to Fíli but she realised how tired she really was and knew that Fíli would want her to take care of herself too. Somehow she felt as if now suddenly all the tiredness of the past days hit because she had never felt it that badly before. So, to both their surprises, she gave a nod and then left towards the room she and her husband were assigned after the battle at the Pelennor fields. And almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep.

-oOo-

The next day her companions managed to persuade her to take breakfast with them before seeing Fíli. Her face lit up when she saw Frodo there too and he told her that he was fine and almost completely healed. Even though she ate more than in the past days, she had enough pretty soon and wanted to go back to her husband instead. But just as soon she had gotten up, Kíli stopped her

"Wait. I... we have to tell you something" before he continued speaking a weird feeling spread in her because his words just didn't sound good. At all. Kíli got up and placed his hand on her arms. "It's about Fíli..." he continued and she could hear how hard it was for him, increasing the sickening feeling inside her. She also feared her legs would give in any moment

"Don't say that. Please. No" she shook her head "Please. He's not..."

"Linnie... as you know, Aragorn and Legolas examined him yesterday. But even they couldn't find anything. And the healers... they suggest... they think that Fíli... he won't make it and probably won't survive the day" he lowered his head and took a deep breath, while she stood there like frozen, not able to believe what she had just been told. All the hope she had had these past days after hearing that he wasn't dead after his return was smashed right in that moment. "And now the healers think it's best if we, if you, tell him that it's alright. I mean... to tell him we can let him go. He is fighting for you but he won't make it. And-and if you can tell him that you're letting him go then it will be easier for him. It's all we can still do" slowly she shook her head

"I can't... I can't do this and tell him that. No" her whole body felt like it was controlled by someone else but she couldn't mind less. Neither did she care about the tears than ran down her face.

"But you have to. Even if it isn't true for you. He won't make it and he needs to know he can go. I know how hard this is and you have my word that Aragorn and I will be with you. But it has to be you who tells him, do you understand?"

"I understand. I really do but... I'm not sure I could even get the words out. If I even get a pause from all the crying"

"You can try. And if it won't work then your brother will speak in your name. Believe me, I don't want to do it either but I'll have to as well. And I too have to accept that he..." he stopped

"See? You can't even say the words yourself. Not even in front of me; how do you want to tell your brother then?" but of course all sorts of trying to talk herself out of it were of no use and she was almost dragged to the healing rooms. Even though she always wished for Fíli to wake up in the past days, even if it meant healers would come and try to send her away, she didn't want him to wake up today. She didn't want him to wake up that she had to assure him something that wasn't true for her. Of course she knew it was egoistical of her for wanting to keep him in so much pain and that it was right to let him go so he was free. But she couldn't say it because the part that wanted him to be with her still was bigger. So she spent the time they waited for Fíli to wake up trying to make up her head what she wanted, what she should even be saying and what she could do afterwards, once she was a widow. The oddest thing was to know that this might be the last time she'd speak to him and then would never see him again, it just didn't feel real. After all the last time, during the battle for Erebor it had happened so suddenly and she had no time to think about it really and in a way she would have preferred if it had been the same this time. Because this time she always felt that because he was still alive it should be possible to save him and that there just had to me something that could be done. Then Fíli slowly opened his eyes and the inevitable was imminent. Before she could even say a word – at least one she had to say – the tears were back and she stayed silent, trying to avoid Kíli's glance.

"Fíli, we're here to tell you something" he then started "She has something to tell you" well that would be her cue.

"What's going on? Hey, look at me little one" he tried to take her hand but was almost too weak and she also saw how much strength it cost him to just speak. "I'm fine. Everything will be alright"

"No" she finally said "You're not doing fine. And everything won't be good either. They-they said you won't..." she stammered under tears, wondering how she even managed to speak at all. "And so I-I wanted to tell you that... that..." she swallowed and felt how her throat seemed constricted

"I love you too, little one" he gave her a little smile and she shook her head slightly.

"I love you too, Fíli. But-but that's not what I was trying to say. I mean not everything. I wanted to say that... that it's fine... it's... Fíli, I just..." to look in her brother's eyes was a mistake because she saw so much pity there it almost overwhelmed her. Technically there were only the words 'I can let you go' she would need to say and she even managed it in her head but they wouldn't come out of her mouth. Each time she opened it, only a sob or a whimper left her and she was glad that Fíli held her hand because she squeezed it as if her life depended on it and right in that moment it felt like it did. Aragorn got behind her, putting his hand on her shoulder and asked if he should talk for her and oddly that turned her sorrow into anger "No" she shrieked. "I just can't" she let go of her husband, got up and pushed her brother out of the way and ran off, without knowing where she even wanted to go. She was surprised and glad that no one followed her and somehow a part wanted to go back but she wanted to be alone with Fíli. And be it just to say goodbye. Finally, she went to her room and sank down on the bed. Part of her wouldn't even mind if she just dropped dead in that moment while another part considered if she should go back and try to get the others away so she had some moments with Fíli. Somehow she couldn't believe how much her life had been turned upside down in the past hours, just last time she had been here, there had still been hope now there was nothing. How could life be this unfair? No price would have been to high if she had Fíli back or could turn back time and stop him from ever going.

After crying for a while she tried to decide what she should do now. After they left Gondor. Or if she even should return to Erebor with Kíli. Maybe it was better to stay in Gondor with her brother. Somehow she also considered going to live in the wild again but somehow that wasn't a lifestyle she wanted to go back to even if it was a lot safer now probably. Or maybe she could go to Mordor and start killing all the remaining Orcs to make them pay. She most likely wouldn't survive it but she didn't care much. Only when she thought of her loved ones did she start to think about abandoning the idea again. After all she didn't want her family to lose someone else. And also her husband wouldn't want it. So she continued sitting and pondering over what to do before she made up her mind that she should at least try to get back to Fíli, hoping the others would be gone so she could be with him again one last time. In peace. Quietly she got up again started walking to the healing room again, fiddling with her sleeve because a part of her knew that surely Fíli was not awake anymore and she wondered if she'd even get a chance to really say goodbye. But to her dismay she heard voices when she approached the place where Fíli's bed was placed. Instantly she stopped and hid behind a pillar to try and find out who it was talking there and when she heard it were Kíli and Aragorn she let out a curse and considered what to do. If she went back they would speak about her sudden take-off and she was not in the mood for this. And there even was Legolas and a healer present too! Everyone was standing with their backs to her so she dared to get a bit closer just to hear what the were talking but still paying attention that she could hide somewhere if needed. The first thing she heard better was her brother's voice.

"Can you promise me not to tell my sister for now?" her breath froze. Was he really gone already?

"No" she whispered and felt her legs giving in, so she sank to the ground. Her brother continued something about wanting to wait but she didn't hear what it was they wanted to wait for because she had to cover her ears. And try to catch her breath. Somehow she didn't even care if they found her. And of course that happened and it wasn't before long that Kíli was there placing a hand on her shoulder. She shot up and glanced at him with tears in her eyes. She hadn't even noticed when she stared crying again.

"Are you alright?" he asked and she let out a snort

"Alright? How can anything be alright?" she shouted, throwing a glare at her brother and the healer. Aragorn exchanged a look with the Elf and luckily no one said anything. Kíli moved closer, wrapping an arm around her.

"I know" he just said "I feel the same. But whatever happens, I'm here for you. We all are" she couldn't react at all. A part of her couldn't even comprehend what had happened and couldn't believe it, even though she had know that Fíli wouldn't make it. "Do you need anything?" well she could hardly tell the truth; that she needed her husband. But if she was honest she wasn't even sure if she could really just bid him goodbye right now. Not when everyone was around. And she wasn't in the mood or state to ask them to leave "Come on, let's get you to your room" to her surprise she didn't even protest when her brother-in-law helped her getting up and led her away. The silence between them almost hurt because it was so unlike Kíli and when she looked at him she saw that there was something bothering him. Not just the whole situation but it seemed like he was holding back something. When they arrived at her room he asked if she needed time alone.

"No. Stay" she whispered and with a nod he entered behind her and took a seat on the bed with her. He still was silent and it seemed like he wanted to say something and honestly if he was just sitting here like that she could just as well be alone. So finally she snapped at him to tell her what was even going on with him

"Nothing. I... just don't know what to say" she frowned but her anger died down and was replaced by sadness again and also brought forth more tears. What was she supposed to do now? What if the others would not leave her out of sight because they feared she would do something stupid? Or just ran away as she had done before in Rivendell? Now she almost dismissed the idea of leaving and considered if she should stay in Gondor. Then again Fíli surely would be buried in Erebor and she just had to be present at the funeral and somehow also wanted to be where his grave was. But was it really such a good idea to stay in Erebor where everything would remind her of her husband? However going to Erebor for his funeral and then coming back here to Gondor also didn't make much sense, did it? Her head started spinning and she let out a sigh and she buried her face in her hands. Another wave of disbelief hit her and she couldn't comprehend how much her life had just changed. Just how was it possible that a life was so easily taken if it destroyed so much too? "I just can't talk about it. I'm really sorry" Kíli suddenly continued almost tearing her out of her thoughts and she wasn't even too mad about it.

"I know" she muttered and he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. With a deep sigh she leant her head against his shoulder.

"Kíli… I don't think I can do this. Not anymore. Without Fíli… I mean I already miss him so much. How can I go on like this?" for a while he was silent then took a deep breath but his words that followed weren't what she had expected and didn't know what to think of them.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep and rest? Maybe the world will look a bit better tomorrow after you're rested and had time to digest the news?"

"I don't think so. I doubt it will be that soon until things are better. And nothing will ever as good as before. I just lost someone that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything and I feel so lost. Like years ago, before I met you" she lamented and Kíli used the chance to gently push her back onto the bed "And I couldn't even tell him how much he means to me and that I love him so much"

"My brother knew. He always did. And he felt the same for you" he took the blanket from under her body and tucked her in. To her surprise she didn't protest and just let him because maybe getting some sleep wasn't he worst idea. After all then her thoughts wouldn't be sad. If she didn't have nightmares at least. "Do you want me to stay here for the night or would you prefer to be alone?" she gave a shrug. She didn't know and wasn't in the mood or state of mind to make such a decision. If she was honest she also didn't care and somehow just wanted her peace. So was telling him that he should be quiet if he stayed a good idea? Then again somehow she wanted him to stay because his presence calmed her and she knew she wouldn't be alone. And in case she got a nightmare he could wake and comfort her. Suddenly she got yet another thought

"Do-do you think Fíli is watching over us now and is still with us somehow?" she hadn't believed it would need that much strength to formulate the sentence "What do you think life is like after death? Well not life really though" again her brother-in-law sat down at the edge of the bed and placed his hand on her protectively. When he looked at her she saw tears shining in his eyes and one even rolled down his cheek. It made her feel weird because she had never seen him cry before.

"I'm sure of it. And I bet that wherever he is now he is doing well. I'm sure it's a nice place" he looked at her and then wiped off the tear from his face, wiping his hand on his tunic as if he was embarrassed for the display of emotion. He also muttered some words in Dwarvish and for once she didn't care because she had other worries. Clearing his throat he got up and plucked invisible dust from his shirt "I guess I'll be leaving the. Have a good night and sleep well. If you need something let me know. Or Aragorn" Somehow she wanted to stop him from leaving but she didn't have the strength or found the words and by the time she had them, he was already out of the door.

-oOo-

To her surprise she fell asleep pretty soon and was in a dreamless sleep. She was glad that there weren't nightmares at least. And somehow she also was glad it wasn't a nice dream about Fíli that would make waking up hard because she would have had to realise that it was only just a dream. After she got up and rubbed her eyes she decided that she needed to be alone for a while and therefore put a chair under the door so it couldn't be opened. The idea wasn't too bad because shortly after there was a knock at the door. At first she didn't reply but then when the knock was again she heard Kíli's voice and almost let out a sigh.

"I want to be alone" she therefore called.

"I know. Just wanted to know if you're doing alright and maybe want some breakfast. I mean I could bring you some of course if you don't want to come. Do you want something?" she let out a deep sigh. Was she even hungry? She couldn't tell.

"I don't know. Maybe later. I really need some time for myself and can't think straight"

"Alright. If you do need something let me know" even though he couldn't see it she only gave a nod and was glad when she could hear him leaving. She stayed in bed for another while, not lying down but rather sitting and thinking about literally anything that came to her mind. But then she realised she had to use the toilet and really hoped she wouldn't meet anyone underway when she sneaked out. Once she was out of the room she even looked around as if she wanted to avoid everyone which she kind of did. On her way back she just hurried back, not caring who she might see or run into, all she wanted was being back. Her mind already wondered who would be the next one to come and try to see her, Aragorn or Kíli, and when it would be. Her thoughts got interrupted when her glance suddenly fell to Fíli's coat which he had left here before going to Mordor. Somehow, she had not even noticed it before but now she broke out in tears just by seeing it and felt her legs giving in, slowly sinking to the ground. Luckily, she wasn't too far from the door that she could lean against it to have at least some sort of support that she wouldn't just fall down completely. After a while of sitting there and crying she slowly got up and approached the chair, not feeling too sure about it, and then stroked its fur before taking the coat and pressing it to her chest. How could it be that this was all she had left of him?