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Chapter 9: The penis

-Namie´s point of view.-

….

Okay, so she hadn't expected to come to Izaya´s office to find him…. asleep? A grin slipped onto her expression and she closed the door behind her. Her heels clacked along the tiled floor as she approached the sleeping man.

"Earth to Izaya, it´s not night anymore," she called out, using one of the desks pencils to poke the guy in his cheek.

He was just sprawled on the desk like that. Head resting on the keyboard, writing dozens and dozens of letters that made no sense. Arms crossed and resting on top of the table as well. Did he actually fall asleep while working?

Well more than that, he was obviously sleeping pretty well if he didn´t wake up from being called and pocked.

Humming she brought the pencil to her lip, another idea making its way into her mind.

Uncapping the devilish little device she brought the pencil down on the raven´s cheek once more. One, two, three lines.

The raven softly groaned and she pulled away, barely able to contain her laughter as she headed for her desk.

Folder after folder she piled up in her arms, went over, and-

*BAM*

Startled the raven shot up from his sleep, causing the keyboard to drop from the desk.

"What- Who-" A huge grin spread over the secretary´s expression as she leaned on the documents she had just gracefully dropped on top of Izaya's desk.

"Waking time~" Izaya groaned, rubbing his temples as he realized that his secretary was just being a bitch again.

"What the fuck, Namie?" he complained, yawning once more after being woken so abruptly.

"Had a sleepless night?" the woman asked, simply ignoring her boss´ complaints as she went back to her desk, a huge grin still being plastered over her face.

Bending down from his chair the raven picked up the poor keyboard he had slept on, putting it back on the desk.

"That and too much morning exercise-" he decided to tell the secretary who was still just sitting there and grinning in his face. He was so going to cut her pay for this.

"You better get your work done instead of sleeping." She complained, finally stopping to view him like some sort of attraction and refocused her attention on the work in front of her.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it already-" Sighing he looked at the computer screen, only to realize he had been typing nonsense while sleeping on the keyboard. Dozens of M and N letters were decorating the entire screen, without any spaces in between them.

Moving the curser he deleted the mess. Seriously.

He had pulled all-nighters all the time why was he that exhausted?

Probably was all the brute's fault. Yeah definitely was.

First causing him to not sleep properly because he was just such an unpredictable little shit and then actually exhausting him in the morning.

Though that was Izaya´s idea so he could felt that slip maybe.

Pressing his wrist to his lips he looked at his computer screen, not really focusing on anything in particular though.

He didn´t exactly think Shizuo would actually stick to his promise. Shizu-chan... was just really different to how he usually viewed him-

Just the fact that he agreed on this entire shit told him a lot about the blond.

He always knew that he had a pretty strong sense of justice.

Always only beating up criminals or people that really pissed him off.

Wanting to pay for everything.

Being sorry for destroying things. Yeah that was also Shizu-chan.

But that he would agree on something like this, for the sake of countering something as unfair as Izaya's fate...

This was an entirely new level of feeling responsible for justice.

Not to mention that he was still Orihara Izaya. It was already hard imagining Shizuo doing this with a stranger, but him? On top of all?

Unbelievable.

And the worst thing about it all was-

He didn´t even fucking detest it.

He really found himself thinking for the first time in his life that this succubus thing wasn´t that bad after all- The raven groaned, rubbing his temples at the irritating thoughts invading his mind.

Oh god now his demonic side was talking, seriously-

"Namie, more coffee, now."

"Go, get it yourself."

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

"You look tired Shizuo." Raising his hand to cover up another yawn the blond glanced at his good old friend.

"Got woken up earlier than I wanted." The man quirked an eyebrow at the blond as though he wasn´t believing what he said.

"Who is stupid enough to wake you up?" Stupid enough yeah.

"The flea." Shizuo snorted at the response, tugging out one of his cigarettes. He seriously needed a smoke. He certainly was more than just surprised to find the flea on his doorstep in the morning.

Apart from what they agreed on, Izaya had never gone as far as to bug him at home.

...

Actually that was true.

Taking a deep breath from the nicotine he frowned a bit, getting his still sleepy gears into motion. Izaya could have just visited him in the afternoon. Or run into him on the streets for that matter.

He could have simply called him.

Or made him come to his place by using some of his shitty methods.

But he actually came over?

He tilted his head thinking. Not to mention how quick he was to dial that stupid bastards number when Shizuo didn´t act like he wanted right away.

Even though it seemed really improbably, the blond couldn´t shake the feeling off that Izaya might have been anxious about this.

It made Shizuo frown and feel a bit amused at the same time.

It bugged him that Izaya didn´t trust his words, when it was only the louse who was spouting lies all the time, but it also made him think that he was going to show the flea that he could be relied on.

With a sigh the blond breathed out the nicotine, causing little clouds to appear in the fresh air.

Stupid flea.

Stupid flea and his stupid games.

Even though he knew he wasn´t fooling him or anything he still felt like he was being played around with.

"Did you end up destroying anything?" blinking the blond paused as he had been to take another drag of his cigarette.

"What?"

"Your apartment," Tom elaborated, "Because of Izaya."

Ah.

"No," the blond shook his head. "He disappeared quickly again." Not that he would have tried to kill the flea like this. Even though he did hit the stupid louse for grabbing his junk out of the blue.

Seriously did that guy have no manners at all?

He shoved him up the door at least for that. The cocky confident smile disappeared from his face at least during... yeah.

...

God-

What had he gotten himself into?

-Izaya´s point of view. Shinjuku. In the office.-

Stretching his arms the raven bent over the chair, letting his eyes slip shut in delight. Finally done for today. No more stupid files, no more searching for boring shit.

The jobs he had taken on and panned on working on today had been surprisingly easy. The information was easy to find and reliable on top.

Just skimming through some chartrooms and asking a few people there and there about certain topics had already gotten him everything he needed.

He couldn´t help a smirk from spreading over his expression. Everything had went surprisingly smooth today.

His job.

His problem.

Everything.

The huge grin still settled on his face the raven jumped out of this chair, making the piece of furniture rotate around its own axis a few times.

And since he was done for today there was only amusement waiting for him for the rest of the day~

"I´m heading out for a bit," he informed his useless secretary as he headed for the office door, the computer on his desk already shutting down.

"Now?" the woman inquired, stopping to type as she shifted her whole attention to the raven. Odd usually she wouldn´t even say anything.

"Of course now," Izaya answered not getting the point of the question.

And then the woman smiled.

Actually smiled.

"I see." What the hell was that grin on her face for? Made him think the bitch had something up her sleeve. But she was just remaining quiet. Just looking at him, waiting for him to leave it seemed.

"What, no snappy remark today? No, I hope you die and don't return?" the raven asked, merely making the woman grin wider.

"Nope, not today." Suspicious.

"Awfully civilized aren´t we?" but Namie didn't say anything further. Just kept grinning.

The raven shrugged, figuring she was just trying to tick him off in some other way like this. Well it wasn´t like he was going to fret over it.

She had obviously ran out of good arguments and snappy remarks. Not everyone could be as witty as him, ne?

"I will be back in an hour, make sure that pile is done till then~" he chirped stepping out of the door-

"Sure." And closed it shut.

For a second it was just really quiet in the raven´s office. Only his footstep´s fading sound was being heard.

Quiet.

It was then that Namie slowly, but surely started to chuckle, trying to hold back her laughter as she held her tummy, tears springing to her eyes.

-Izaya´s point of view. A bit later. On the streets of Ikebukuro.-

Skipping along the pavement the raven hummed a melody.

Considering how bad he had spent the night worrying and wondering feeling although some kind of doom was going to come over him it was really wondrous just how good this day had turned out to be.

Everything was done, his humans being as curious about him as ever.

He didn´t even feel the need to make his way to Ikebukuro in a quiet or sneaking fashion.

Sure, jumping from roof to roof and sneaking up on the blond just to be noticed anyway because of that ridiculous sense of smell that the monster possessed, had its own thrill too, but like this it was way more amusing.

All his lovely humans were staring at him. Probably wondering whether he was going to fight with the blond again.

Well he couldn´t blame them, witnessing something so out of this world like their chases would exhilarated him too.

Craning his neck the raven let his eyes trail over his surroundings. He didn´t want to be knocked out by a sudden vending machine coming his way without noticing, ne~?

Not that he wanted to be knocked out by it knowing it was there.

It was then that he spotted a certain mob of blond hair walking a few meters down the street in his direction.

A grin settled on his face almost instantly as the raven got his knife ready. The humans around him already backed off, same for those around Shizu-chan as they seemed to notice the situation earlier that the brute who was still stubbornly looking at the ground, while tom had already spotted the raven.

Was he in thoughts or something?

"Shizu-chan, what a surprise~!" Izaya called, and if the blond really had not noticed him, then now he surely had. Instantly he snapped his head, looking surprised for just the slightest fraction of a second before that usual mad expression crossed his face.

"Flea!" Ah, this was what he was waiting for, his usual raging monster. Already ripping out a street sign the poor thing creaked while the blond approached him. "I told you not to come to-"

... and suddenly he stopped talking.

...

The raven kept grinning, waiting for a continuation... that didn´t come.

To?

Izaya blinked, finding it a bit odd that not Shizu-chan seemed to be too stupid to even complete his sentences.

"To what? Cat got your tongue Shizu-chan~?" he teased, seeing as the blond was only looking at him now, the vein still popped on his forehead, but he did seem kind of less angry-

Huh? The raven frowned what was with this change of attitude? He wasn´t going to back out of a fight because of their agreement was he? Now that would really piss him off.

"What are you doing monster?" he asked, deliberately calling the blond what he hated the most in order to tick him off- except, he didn´t seem particularly fazed by it.

Irritated the raven let his glance travel to Tom who was also wearing the same kind of stupefied expression.

?

"What?" he finally voiced, lowering the knife just a bit as he figured something seemed to be odd about this situation. It was irking him to unknown levels that he didn´t know what it was. He always knew what was going on so how come right now he felt they all knew something he didn´t?

"There is a dick." Shizuo finally managed to say, still staring at the raven.

"Huh?"

A dick?

Well this was certainly the first time Shizu-chan called him a dick. He was used to being called, flea, louse, asshole, annoying shit, little shit, stupid shit- all of them pretty intellectual if he might add. But being called a dick was certainly a first.

He didn´t get to ask the blond to elaborate on whatever he was trying to say or why he wasn´t doing anything, when the dreadlocked man next to him just burst out laughing.

It wasn´t even a chuckle or something he could understand, no Tom was laughing pretty damn hard there. And all of a sudden some of the humans surrounding them started to chuckle and giggle too.

What the hell was going on here?

Had he said something funny?

"Are you doing this on purpose, flea?" the blond suddenly asked only annoying the informant so damn much more.

"Doing what on purpose?" he asked, the feeling, of him who always knew everything to actually have to ask the blond what was going on, being so humiliating he couldn´t stand it already.

Shizu-chan merely rose his hand and for a second Izaya thought he was going to throw something at him, but instead-

He pointed to his face.

"Your cheek."

... his cheek?

Still not getting what everyone was going on about the raven glanced around, spotting a shop next to him.

Spotting a window.

The glass reflecting him well enough.

Then he saw it.

On his cheek.

Broad.

Black.

And Thick.

A dick.

WHO THE HELL HAD DRAWN A DICK ON HIS FACE?!

His face flushing the deepest color of red he had ever gotten he instantly pulled the hoodie over his head and took off on his heels.

People, laughing people passed him and he could hear the blond say something to Tom, but honestly now he wasn´t in the mood anymore to care nor to get chased by the blond.

Only now that he thought about it it had seemed a bit strange how every had been staring at him so openly- usually his humans were more decent with their gaping.

Rubbing violently at the spot on his cheek he tried ot get the shit off, stopping for just a second in his run as he paused in front of a shop, checking in the glass if it was gone.

It wasn´t.

Was this a waterproof pen?!

He had just walked through half of Ikebukuro with a fucking dick on his face!

Rubbing on and dashed home, anger replacing the embarrassment.

And that´s when he remembered the grin.

That stupid grin that Namie had shown him before he had left.

"I´m going to fucking kill that bitch-!" Swearing the raven made his way down the main street, already having his apartment complex i sight when suddenly there was a black car parking in front.

And out of it stepped no one other but-

"Shiki-san-"

"Izaya, about the information-" the man paused, hand still resting on top of the car as he had just gotten out of it,"-is that a penis?"

He was going to murder her-

"Sorry Shiki, meet me in my office later, how does 3pm sound?" he quickly said, trying to smooth over the topic as he quickly hurried past the yakuza executive.

"Convenient." The man responded in his overall professional fashion, not asking any more questions as he got back into the car.

And Izaya- Izaya ran up the stairs.

He was too damn mad to even use the elevator.

Crashing into the opposite wall the door of Izaya's office slammed open.

"YOU!" Namie jumped in her seat, startled, about to bitch at Izaya for behaving so god damn stupid-

But that´s when she saw the man´s face the rage and the obvious embarrassment and she connected the dots.

A smirk drew across her expression.

"Oh the Gaylord has returned."

"NO PAY." The raven stated, slamming the door shut and throwing his shoes off in some corner. "NOT TODAY." There the coat went flying. "NOT TOMORROW." He stomped up the stairs to his bathroom. "NOT THIS WEEK!" And with that the door to the bathroom slammed shut.

For a second Namie sat there, taking in what the raven had said, and yet- bursting out laughing she couldn´t see anything negative about it.

Having Izaya walk through Ikebukuro with a dick on his face? Embarrassing him like this?

Hell damn it was worth ten times her pay!

To be continued

I´M ALIVE PEOPLE XDDDDD ahahaha

I am basically cut off from the internet people x'D

It sucks so bad, there is a slight bit of it, but it just doesn´t let me upload pretty much anything. xD While writing little text messages seems to work (with a delay of ten minutes lol) doing anything apart from that is out of the question x'DDDD

So basically right now I´m hijacking my grannies computer to upload my fics while I´m visiting C': Sorry for the long delay my dear readers xD Seeing as I won´t have any proper internet any time soon I will think of solutions now to upload each Monday though x'DDD

Well then, this time no sex my dear pervs xD But next time C: C: C: C: C: ohohohoho

I planned something rather, hmm, surprising I guess xD now I hope you laughed your asses off as much as I did in this chapter x'DDDDDDD Just imagining Izaya running around with a penis on his cheek is already cracking me up I swear x'DDDD

On a side note, I know Izaya getting embarrassed over the lil dick on his face is probs OOC but me I don´t give a fuck x'D just imagining this made me laugh my ass off way too much x'D And come on, Izaya is a human too. And everyone in Ikebukuro is laughing at him x'D if that didn´t embarrass him I don´t know what will x'DDD

Guest: here you have moaaarrr xDD

Unknown: xDD ahahah until you are 60?! xDD aw gosh xD thank you C': I always try to make the sex sweet xD dawww thank you 3

Guest 2: xDD ahaha I loved that part too xDDD And Shizuo is such a good guy gosh I swear- everyone else would have used this kind of situation to take advantage on the flea in at least some way, but not so for Shizuo nup. xDD now I hope this chapter you laughed your ass off x'DDDDD I died writing it so I hope it was just as funny for you xD awwww hmm falling asleep in shizuo´s bed, huh? XD aww that sounds sweet C':

Also,

I am definitely never ever going to just drop a story! or leave it unfinished, or on hiatus forever. I can´t promise I will be this in love with Shizaya forever, but what I can promise is, that once I do start a story I'm definitively seeing it to the end xD

I have finished two stories by now that I absolutely hated and one that I disliked xD So my dear readers, even if I seriously came to detest this story, I will definitely finish it C': I just wanted to say that because some people have been worrying about me stopping to write for some reason C': But I am back now xD fully xD Updating regularly C':

About the other updates, I updated 4 stories today x'D ast, bcd, SnS and SD xD

Please do check out my new story Shingeki no Shizuo! xD I´m giving my best writing it x'DDDD

So, next week Monday the 27th I will be updating Sotd, twtd and ast C:

And on Monday the 6th March I will update SD, bcd and SnS C:

That being said, see you in the next chapter~! C: (It´s already half written so rest assured it´s gonna come out for real xD)