The Worst Kind of Loss.
The first day of 2026 arrived with all of the promise that every New Year did, along with the knowledge that the holiday season was over for another year. The celebrations of the night before were forgotten and the future became the focus, plans being made for what they hoped to achieve in the next 12 months. People began to think of summer vacations, of warmer weather, all good things when the view from the window was of grey skies and snow…
In Westerville, it was like that; overcast and with clouds darkening, threatening more snow to join those inches already on the ground. Sebastian had allowed his nephew to sleep in that morning, aware that he would be back to school soon enough, returning to those early mornings. He also knew Peter had a lot on his mind. However, when the clock reached 10am and he had still not appeared, both he and Dave agreed that it was high time that he was awake, particularly as Mrs Carr was about to start preparing brunch for them all…
Sebastian headed up to tap on the door of what had once been his own bedroom, pausing before he did so to listen for any sounds from within. Hearing nothing but steady breathing, he tapped on the door, and headed in. He was about to speak when Peter's phone began to ring. Sebastian tried not to laugh at the timing of the call as his nephew stirred into wakefulness, and reached out groggily for his phone. He was about to leave when he heard Peter say, "Yes, that's me," to whoever was on the other end of the call. That made him freeze, as that was an odd choice of words to say to anyone that he knew…
In Maplewood, Julian had also risen later than usual, and was now sitting in the lounge of his home, pretending that he was reading a book, and not hooked on the same cartoon as his young daughter. He still heard his wife say "Not fooling anyone!" as she walked past, her phone in her hand, the work of the editor of Vogue never truly done, and he was certain that she had been referring to him and the book in his hand…
The cartoon had just reached its end when his own phone began to ring. Glancing at it, he saw his brother's name on the screen, and smiled. He answered it with a cheery "Happy New Year, little brother!" When Sebastian did not immediately return his greeting, he felt himself shiver…
"Jules, we have a situation. I think that you need to get here as soon as possible. Look, is Isabelle around, because it will be easier if you put this on speaker so I only have to say it once…"
Julian got out of his chair and headed fast for his wife's study. As he walked into the room, he said to his brother, "Is Peter okay? Have his young lady's parents arrived and attacked him?" Those words instantly got Isabelle's attention, and she stopped what she was doing as her husband put on the speakerphone, just in time for them both to hear Sebastian's response.
"Her parents haven't shown up."
That reply, delivered in a tone that lacked emotion, immediately put Julian on edge, and from her expression, did the same to his wife. "You didn't answer me fully, Bazzy. Is Peter okay?"
There was a moment of silence, and then a deep sigh. "Honestly, he isn't and he really needs his dad right now; an uncle isn't enough. He got a call about ten minutes ago, from a nurse. It seems that you aren't going to be grandparents after all…"
Julian was confused by that response, but Isabelle knew instantly what her brother-in-law meant. "She's had a miscarriage, hasn't she? She's lost the baby…"
"She has, although her naïve parents believe that all she was suffering from was bad food poisoning; that was what left her so unwell. Peter is distraught, and as I say, an uncle is good, but he really needs his dad…"
"We will both be there as soon as we can. Everything else can wait," said Isabelle, aware that beside her, her husband was now in the same state of distress that he had been the moment that he found out that the earthquake had hit L.A. and his son was there…
As the editor of the most influential fashion magazine in the world, Isabelle found herself being offered perks all the time, but she rarely took advantage of her status. This time she was glad that she could make some calls and pull strings, to help them circumvent queues and gain precious time. In less than 90 minutes, overnight bags had been packed, seats had been booked on the first possible flight, and the couple and their daughter were being rushed through security so that they could catch the plane waiting to take them to Columbus…
They were not even in their seats as the plane door was closed, and preparations for take off were being made as they stowed their bags and buckled up. Julian had not spoken a word since they had been given the news, and it was only as the plane reached its cruising altitude that he suddenly turned to face his wife, and said in a low voice, "I wasn't keen on being a grandfather at my age, or Peter being a dad at his, but now… My heart feels as if it is broken for a child that I will never see, and a mother that I have never met…"
"I know how you feel," she replied. "The worst thing about this whole situation is that she will never be able to speak with her own mother about it as she still has no idea her daughter was even pregnant. However, our number one priority here is Peter. He was so ready to accept the fact that he was going to be a father, his head so wrapped around the idea and accepting of it. Now he has lost his own child. You have been in that situation; you thought that you had lost him, and as we both know, your entire world just fell apart…"
"It did… If I feel this terrible about the situation, that I cannot even begin to imagine what he must be feeling. He is far too young to have suffered such huge loss in his life; he already lost his mother, his grandparents, most of his childhood friends in the quake. Now that this has happened, I am worried that it might push him over the edge so to speak. He never really grieved back then, not as much as he should have done. What if this is the thing that breaks him apart? How on earth would we ever be able to put him back together?"
Isabelle could not think of an immediate reply to that one, but she knew that her stepson would be in agony. He had opened up to her so much a week ago, on the day that he had told them, and the look on his face as he had talked about his unborn child and all the things that he was going to do with them… He had wanted to be a hands on father; Julian had not been for him, through no fault of his own, as he had merely respected the wishes of Peter's mother and her family at the time. Her husband had proved how good he would have been in the way he was with their daughter; she had no reason to doubt that his son would not be as good with his own child. Now that was not going to happen, and whilst other young men might have been secretly elated at the prospect of no longer facing fatherhood, Peter would be feeling exactly the opposite way about things.
She also felt such sympathy and heartache for his girlfriend, someone that she had never even met, and might now never meet. Isabelle had friends and colleagues who had suffered a miscarriage, and it was a trauma that they never truly got over. Her youth and the lack of family support would only accentuate the problem. It would also alter the nature of her relationship with Peter, and probably put an end to it; the memories of everything being linked to him, and all too painful. That would pile even more misery onto her already distressed stepson…
Her rational side was telling her that in the long term, what had occurred was no bad thing; Peter had been much too young for the responsibility of fatherhood, just as his girl was too young to be a mother. Still, her heart was breaking for both of them, and a little for herself as well. She might have been too young for it, but the idea of being a grandmother had not been entirely without appeal. Glancing at her husband, she was certain that some of his upset would be attributable to the same thing…
Thanks to fate, it was a little over four hours after Sebastian had made his call that his brother, Isabelle and their daughter arrived at the house in a cab they had taken from the airport. The first thing that they noticed was that there was an extra car in the driveway, and they both recognised it as the electric car that belonged to Thad. Julian looked at his wife on seeing it, and she said, "It could just be by chance, or in all honesty, maybe Sebastian needed some extra support more urgently. He is Peter's housemaster at Dalton after all, so he has a degree of loco parentis…"
"I know, it's just…"
"He will probably leave the moment that he sees we are here - actually, scrub that, he will go once he knows that Sebastian is okay. Thad is selfless and caring like that; he always puts the needs of others before his own. From what I have been told, that is the way that Wes Montgomery was around his boys too…"
She stopped talking as the front door swung open, to reveal a grim faced Dave. His facial expression changed as he saw his niece, and having told Julian and Isabelle that Peter was up in his room with his husband and Thad, he took her through to the kitchen to see what Mrs Carr was making. With a glance at each other, the couple headed up the stairs, and were nowhere near the door of their son's room when they heard the sound of sobbing, something that broke both of their hearts at once…
On reaching the door, it was to find Thad standing outside, eyes downcast. He just nodded at them, then stood aside to let them enter. Peter was still in his pyjamas, sat on the edge of his bed, with his uncle sat beside him, an arm wrapped round the boy's shoulders. Sensing movement, Peter looked up, and sobbed out the word "Daddy!" in a choked voice before he dissolved into floods of tears again. Julian rushed over, his own tears forming to pull his son into his arms, allowing Sebastian to get up and move aside.
He was quickly pulled into a hug by Isabelle. "How are you holding up?" she whispered in his ear.
"I'm in bits, but you need to concentrate on Peter right now. I'm going to head out and leave you three in peace," her brother-in-law replied, before heading out of the room, closing the door behind him. Isabelle took a breath, then walked over and wrapped her arms around both her stepson and her husband…
Thad had waited at the bottom of the stairs for Sebastian, but when he had not appeared after five minutes, he headed back up, but not to the same room he had been in before. Instead he walked up another level, recalling something that Trent had told him casually during the summer, when they had all been here, at the house, for the big anniversary party; the fact that as a teenager, when his father and stepmother had been too much for him to bear, Sebastian had retreated to a little room up in the attic, where he could hide. Thad found it easily enough from the directions Trent had given, and sure enough, he found his friend there, staring out of the window…
On seeing him, Sebastian chuckled, swiping tears from his eyes, then said in a caustic tone, "For a supposed keeper of secrets, Trent sure is a massive gossip!"
Thad laughed at that, then said, "He only tells the most trustworthy of people the things that he thinks could be important later. I guess that he mentioned this room to me as he was concerned that if life in Ohio got too much for you, you would retreat up here to hide, and well, someone had to know where to find you…"
"I guess he was right about that…" mused Sebastian, then he sighed. "God, Thad, this is all such a mess! I still can't really get my head around it. The sensible practical side of me is relieved, as Peter can go back to being a normal teenage boy without so many cares, but oh, my heart is breaking in two for him as well. I caught him the other day looking at teddy bears and baby stuff online, and he had a list of names on his notepad… I think that he is going to need to see the school counsellor, or better yet, a professional away from Dalton."
"That latter option is probably the best one. If he uses the one at Dalton, then it is someone else there that knows his secret," replied Thad, sitting down on a chair near his friend. "Having said that, I don't think that he will ever get over this completely, as he was so invested in it all. The only positive is that unlike having the child and giving it up for adoption, it is over now. There can be no further pain. Having a child out there in the world is much more difficult, as I can testify…"
"It wasn't something that Peter ever really considered, the idea of putting his child up for adoption. He was so determined to do the right thing, to be a good dad… I think he will benefit from counselling, but we can't make him take it. It will have to be his decision," replied Sebastian. And then…
"Wait a moment, what did you mean there? How can you testify about adoption?"
Thad's face suddenly paled as he realised he had slipped up, and he broke off eye contact with his friend. "Well, I think we all know how hard it was for Puck and Quinn…"
"I'm sure that it was, but that isn't what you were referring to. You were talking about it as if you had personal experience, and as far as I am aware, you have never been in a position to get a girl 'into trouble' as they say. So, what did you mean? Although, by the way you are now trying to avoid the topic, you said those words in error…"
Thad sighed, then looked Sebastian in the eye. "If I tell you the truth, then it can never go any further; if it comes out thanks to you, then I will kill you, because the amount of heartache and pain it would cause would be massive."
"I will be the soul of discretion, although what you just said has me worried. I mean, you are the last person that I ever suspected would be carrying this kind of deep, dark secret."
"Well, I do have one, and only 3 other people are aware of it at the moment. If I tell you, you can't even tell Dave. Basically, I have my own version of Alma…"
Sebastian nodded, realising that Thad meant he had been a donor for someone. "Oh, okay. I still don't get why that needs to be such a big secret though. I mean, everyone knows about what I did, and Seth for that matter, and no-one judges us for it."
"In my case, the two parents do not want anyone to know, and that goes double for the male half of the couple. He couldn't, if you catch my drift, and we both know how fragile male pride is in that area. I could provide what was required, and I was happy to assist them out of love…"
Sebastian's eyes suddenly widened, as he worked out from that last phrase exactly who his friend was referring to. There could only be one person, and in all honesty, he knew that they were the only person Thad would have done it for. "So, he should really be called Thad Junior…."
"Exactly," said Thad with a sad smile. "Every so often, when I see him, my heart aches with paternal longing to have him call me daddy. I did a good thing, the right thing, but sometimes…"
"It hurts. I get it, because you will have to watch as he grows up, calling you Uncle instead of Dad. If it was me in that situation, if Jules had needed me, I very much doubt I'd be able to cope with it."
"In some ways, I don't. Michelle has seen the tension in me, and that is why she understands that I don't come and see them too often. She has also told Ollie quite firmly that she will never allow him to come to Dalton. He thinks it is because she wouldn't want her son so far away; she knows it would be much too much for me to deal with."
Sebastian was shocked then to see a tear roll down Thad's cheek, and he hastened to wrap a supportive arm around his shoulders. Then he smiled, and said, "So I am going to hazard a guess that the third person that knows is Trent?"
Thad chuckled, and said, "Of course. He saw how solicitous I was around Michelle when she was pregnant with little Thaddeus, and he saw at once that it was much too much for me to just be being a good brother-in-law. I think that when it comes to solving mysteries, our Trent could give Poirot and Jessica Fletcher a good run for their money. He should be in the Secret Service, or the FBI, or the CIA, not a speechwriter."
Sebastian laughed then, and answered, "Of course, he can't ever know that I know. He would want to know why you told me, and he need never know about the whole situation with Peter…"
Shortly after that, Thad headed for home, and Sebastian headed downstairs to spend time with his two children, his niece and his husband; he valued his family all the more now that those children had lost a cousin. It would be a couple of hours before his brother reappeared in the kitchen door, his eyes red rimmed, and Sebastian just headed for him and pulled him into a tight hug. "How does he recover from this, Bazzy?" he whispered. "Reading between the lines, he knows that he hasn't just lost the baby, he's also lost the girl. I can understand that; seeing him will remind her of everything, and that would be too painful for her… I just feel so powerless; there is nothing that I can do to make this any better for him."
"All of this is far beyond our skills, Jules. On this one, I think we need to bring in a professional," Sebastian replied.
"Isabelle agrees on that one, and much as I hate the idea of having my son in therapy, it is going to come to that. We will need to find him a good one, with an office either here or in Columbus…."
"I just hope that the other person involved in all of this heartbreak will get the support that she requires too. She might not have to face paternal wrath over her pregnancy now, but the fact that they didn't know means that she might not get the support she needs to get over the loss."
"I know, but to be frank, there isn't all that much we can do about that. We don't even know the name of the hospital that she is in, but even if we did, we couldn't just show up to visit her. In any case, they would never admit Peter."
Sebastian nodded, then said, "So how are you bearing up?"
"I'm okay, but I just feel more than a little guilty that I am relieved more than I am devastated about all of this. Yes, he was too young to be a father, but he is also much too young for all of this…"
"I feel the same. He is free to be a teenager again, but right now, none of those freedoms will matter one jot to him. He was going to be a father this time yesterday. What a horrible way to start a year…"
"At least he was with family when the news came; had he been back in his dorm…"
"Thad would have stepped up. He only came here today to hand over some notes he had about the next stage of the choir competition to me, but as soon as he heard what was going on, he was right there at my side, supporting me as well as Peter, and he was pretty wonderful. Peter will get past this, given time, but he will need that, and he will need space. He had to grieve for a child that he wanted but never got a chance to meet." Julian agreed, with a sigh. He just hoped that his son could find a way to deal with the kind of loss that nobody would ever wish to know…
Peter would not leave his room that day, his meal that evening being taken up to him. They had told Mrs Carr that he was feeling unwell, and she had nodded in response, but the fact that there were three unexpected guests at the table that night told her that there was something bigger going on. She did not enquire further, as it was not her place, but she assumed that it was a personal issue for the teenager, and she knew from personal experience with her own son that boys in particular did not like to share any information.
The next morning he was back at the breakfast table, not his usual chatty self, but no longer desperate to shut himself away from the world. Nobody mentioned anything about the day before, and to all intents and purposes it was an ordinary day. As they were finishing up, the telephone in the study began to ring, which was unusual, the landline rarely used. Sebastian hastened to answer it, mentally preparing what he was going to say if it was a telemarketer; something that would make them hang up. He was most surprised to discover that the person on the other end of the line was Thad…
"I'm sorry to be calling you so early, and on this line, but I wanted to ensure that there was less likelihood of someone being there with you, listening in. On my way home last night I looked in on Skylar, Julia and little Seth. When I got there, Julia was still at work, and so I spent a little while playing games with father and son. I was still there when Julia got home. Skylar headed off to make her some supper, and she took a seat. At that point, I remarked that she looked exhausted…"
"That is never a good thing to say to a woman!" interjected Sebastian.
"I know, but Julia just laughed and agreed with me. Then she told me all about the stressful day that she had had at work, including all about the teenage girl that had miscarried in the early stages of pregnancy. The thing was that they had been told to tell her very religious parents, at the request of the patient, that what she was suffering from was severe food poisoning, as they had no idea that she expecting…"
Sebastian was quiet, and then said, "Are you saying…"
"Julia mentioned her first name, and it is just too much of a coincidence for it to be another girl of the right age, with the same name, in the exact same scenario. The thing is that if anyone wanted to go and check up on the young lady, I happen to know exactly where she is…"
When Thad hung up, Sebastian sat in the study for a moment, wondering what he should do with the information he now possessed. The only thing that he was absolutely certain of was that there was no way whatsoever that Peter should be told. A hysterical teenager as a visitor was the last thing that the nursing staff needed to deal with, especially if his presence made the patient as bad; that was even before he factored in the risk of her parents arriving as he was there. At the same time, he was concerned for the girl's state of mind, and letting her know that there was someone out there that she could talk openly with might be a great help for her.
He returned to the breakfast table to discover that his nephew had returned back up to his room. He looked at the other three people still at the table, and said, "I know where she is; Thad discovered quite by accident from Julia Willetts." He sat back down, looking at the shocked expression on the three faces. His brother was clearly stunned, but Isabelle recovered fairly quickly. "So as I see it, we have a decision to make here. She is alone, and could benefit from a shoulder to cry on. That shoulder can't be Peter's, as all of this is bad enough for him already…"
"I am happy to go and see her," responded Isabelle. She turned to her husband, and taking his hand, and said, "However, I think that you should stay here with Peter, just in case he needs someone." Julian nodded, grateful to her, as the emotional prospect of it all was already too much for him.
"Well, I will come with you," said Sebastian. "She knows who I am from Peter, and that I work at Dalton."
"You will need to have a story ready," cautioned Dave, "just in case her parents turn up whilst you are in with her. I would suggest that it is the case of a local man made good, a celebrity, doing his best to spread a little holiday cheer, aided by his sister-in-law, the editor of a major woman's magazine. Perfectly innocent and highly plausible."
"Agreed. Give me a moment to change, and we can head there now," replied Isabelle. "Oh, and if Peter happens to ask where we are, tell him that I wanted to get a photo of his uncle in the Senior Commons at Dalton for a possible future article on show choirs…"
With the plans made, they headed right to the hospital, and with the knowledge Thad had imparted, had no need to pause at the hospital reception. They walked in with confidence, and followed all of the signs to the correct ward. Naturally, as soon as they entered it, the first person they encountered was a startled Julia. She looked at them curiously, then said, "So what on earth brings the two of you here? All of the celebrity visiting is over for this year!"
Isabelle smiled, then in a hushed tone, said, "We know, but please go with it for my sake. I am actually here to visit the daughter of a distant cousin of mine. She was brought in here yesterday with 'severe food poisoning' and I have brought Sebastian with me as she is a big Broadway fan. Her name is Constance."
Julia's eyes opened a little wider, but she replied, "Yes, she was in a bad way with that, but she is feeling a little better this morning."
Isabelle nodded, then whispered, "She had confided in me; I know what is really wrong with her. Nobody else in the family knows, and I think that she might appreciate the chance to talk to someone properly about everything…"
"She would benefit from that, that much I grant you," came her reply, not sure if she believed what Isabelle was saying. It seemed unlikely that the girl was her cousin's child, but then, she did come from Ohio. And then, in the back of her head, a thought struck her, a thought about a certain stepson of the woman in front of her… "Okay, so she is in a private room, four doors down on the left. I will see to it that you are not disturbed." With that, Julia headed down to the desk at the entrance to the ward, to leave a note that Constance was not to be disturbed by anyone, as she had the doctor with her. A lie, but a white one…
As for Sebastian and Isabelle, they headed to the door of the room in question, and after a moment, they knocked gently on the door, before opening it. As Isabelle stepped inside, Sebastian changed the sign on the outside of the door over to say that the patient was not to be disturbed. It would give them a little time if her parents arrived on the scene. Then he followed his sister-in-law into the unknown…
