Nifty watched as the boy fell to the ground. "Your new house … is built …" After what felt like a few months, her fluffy chompy doggie finally came back to play! Play, and get dragged around by Alastor to rebuild one of the many destroyed houses they've lived in. All day on that …

"Good Chomper. Have a reward." She handed him a dog treat.

"… This is like my parents, but more obvious. And with tangible gains." The little doggone sighed as he ate it in one bite.

"Marvelous work Suzuki, well done, the marble flooring must've taken a whole WEEK to find and tile up." Alastor grinned…. As he took his cane and stomped it on the ground, sending cracks into it. "Oh dear, guess I must've underestimated my strength. Would you pleasebe a dear boy and redo all the flooring?"

"You already ate the kid's pancreas, how much more of a prick do you need to be?" Husk grolwed as he took in another bottle of booze.

"As much as I please. So rarely do I have the opportunity to actually work someone to death." The man chuckled. "Besides, I was severely disappointed with the second meeting with Ms Emily. Not nearly as entertaining as the first."

"It was the most emotionally draining moment of my life!"

"And her tears of petty actually allowed you to reconcile… not nearly as fun as you hating her very existence and the thought that she always watched your suffering yet never did anything about it!" Al shook his head in disappointment. "Why, with that attitude, sinners may actually think Heaven cares about people!"

"Isn't the fact that the cherubs were hypocrites enough?" Husk asked.

"No, they were barely good enough comedic relief. Sure, it's fun seeing incompetence at work, but they were one trick ponies, not much variety in their absurdity and personalities."

"True, I barely saw much of a difference other than 'leader', 'shy', 'perfectionist'." Chomper admitted, slowly standing up. "I'll go grab the spackle for the broken floor."

"That mean's I get to clean the rubble!" Nifty grinned as she grabbed the broom and dustpans. "TIME TO DIE DUST!"

"… I have never seen the small high energy, large low energy difference in the wild ever reach what she does compared to you." Iruma said to Husker.

"Everyday I pray she falls into a ditch and never climbs out."

"Oh don't worry … sometimes I dig." She giggled as she cleaned. Today was going to be fun fun fun! Maybe she'll be able to perform her latest cockroach play puppet show!

Knock knock

Everyone turned to the door. "… Did you invite Rosie over?" Chomper asked.

"Not today. Husker, any of your friends?" The radio demon snapped his fingers. "Right, you don't have any."

"Fuck off."

"It's alright. I didn't even have any until I came to hell, so it's worse for me." Chomper nodded. He then looked nervous. "… I could be one of you want."

"...Just open the door." The cat demon grumbled as he drank another bottle.

"Right! Sorry for asking!" The boy nervously nodded as he ran to the door, swinging it open. "Hello there …" Chomper stared at the empty space, before slowly looking down to a girl around her height. "… Tiny woman … Nifty, sister?"

"Never had any… unless I had a twin I ate in the womb…." Did she? She faintly remembered strangling something in the midst of what felt like pre life.

"Heya!" A voice cheered as what looked like a little red skinned bat waved. She had really tiny wings, and cloven feet and hand like claws. Her face was simplistic and unassuming as she gave a toothy grin. "You're the funny voice that's always screaming on the radio… you're funny." The little imp like demon smiled as she walked in.

"Oooh, an admirer!" Alastor grinned as he stood infront of the boy. "And someone so young too! It's amazing to see such a young fan have a brain NOT rotted by the infernal contraption that is television! The names Alastor, little one, Pleasure to meet you, quite the pleasure!" Her boss shook the little demon's hand's enthusiastically. "And what might your name be, little darling?"

"I'm Satina!" The demon smiled, looking completely fearless like a normal person, instead of wimpy and chicken like most demons that spoke to Alastor. "Daddy's busy and I wanted to make a friend, so he let me come here so I can find the funny radio boy." The girl flew up to Chomper's head and sat flatly on it. "This is my new friend! He's mine and no one else's!"

"… While I'm happy to have a new friend, you do know you can have more than one, right?" The boy asked in confusion. "Having multiple friends means more fun when you all hang out together."

"Hmmm…. Nah. Your my first friend, so that makes you special." The girl grinned with a toothy smile.

"Alright.. but you should probably come back at another time.." Iruma looked to door. "This isn't a safe place for children…or anyone for that matter.."

"Nonsense, young Suzuki. This little lady here is a guest, and we always treat guests with the upmost respect in my presence." Iruma stared at Alastor with bafflement. "… Something on my face?"

"I'm just surprised you haven't asked us to maul her, kick her like a soccer ball, or eat her by now." The kid admitted bluntly.

"Come now, do I seem like the type of man to lower myself to hurting such a trivial thing?"

"Yes." Husker said bluntly.

"I'm a victim of it every day." Iruma added.

"I always saw you as the kick the puppy type." Nifty nodded. "Mainly after you kicked that puppy."

"Dogs are different… pissy yapping little furry parasites." He stated. "Besides, you're slaves. It's perfectly reasonable to do it to you."

"So you're not gonna beat her up for no reason?" Husker asked.

"Nope."

"… Then I'm Iruma, nice to meet you." The wimp smiled, holding his hand above his head to shake hers.

"Great to be here! Let's throw a party!" The girl looked around the room. "This place could use streamers… I'll make them!" The girl shouted as she opened a portal of utter devastation and horror and took out some entrails.

She looked to see Husker and Iruma passed out with foam in their mouths. "Wimps." Nifty scoffed. Your mind couldn't break if it was already broken.

"Fascinating. Such skilled craftsmanship in a tiny little package!" Alastor grinned with fascination. "Your parents must be very proud of you."

"Yep! Well, dad is." She smiled. "Mommy doesn't show up anymore. Something about kicking buckets and smelling daisies." The was a small pause at that. "You think I can kick buckets and see her again?"

"…. You can… definitely start kicking buckets that's for sure.." Iruma said shakily as he got back up.

"Let's kick buckets full of bloody sand!" The girl grinned as she dove into the reality of misery and suffering once, making Iruma and Husk faint again with foam at the mouth.

"Seriously Chomper, you're gonna go back to wimp at this rate."


Husk drunk to forget the … horrors he saw. "So …" He turned to Nifty. "You betting it's an overlord's kid or some new Goetia?" No one did that kind of bullshit without outside influence. The only person he knew that came close to that kind of power was Alastor, but his deal.. was something beyond most other sinners.

"Aren't all goetia's bird people?" Nifty titled her head as she crafted a roach necklace. Gross. "Like Chomper's girlfriend?"

"Nah, most of them are birds, but a couple of them are other fuckin creaturs. Asmodeus is a big old chimera of sorts." Husk rolled his eyes. Being a former overlord/current play thing of an overlord meant he had to keep tabs on higher powers.

"I thought he was a fallen angel like Lucifer."

"Nah, that's just malarkey humans made up cause they know shit about how hell works."

"True … when they mentioned hell, they mentioned nothing about all the bugs … so many creatures to kill." She giggled creepily. "So, what do you think they're doin for dinner?"

"Probably something simple." Husk shrugged. "The kid lived in the wild, he can probably make food edible, just not tasty." Given how desperate he sounds on the radio on most days, he would probably eat things raw if the cannibalism didn't give him such a scare. "Honestly more surprised Al let them use the kitchen."

"Oooh, is this how you use a knife?!" The new brat shouted as stabbing sounds could be heard.

"Ah! Careful-don't bring it so close to my head!"

"That answer your question?" Nifty grinned.

"Pretty much." He grumbled.

"I half wonder if he'll catch on fire from messing with the stove." Al chuckled. "Of course, I prefer not to waste good meat. You need some standards in hell after all, and it's so hard to obtain when everything is pre packaged, and there's only so many times I can just feast on any rude butcher that never shows respect for its customers."

"Crazy till the end." He grumbled. "Wait until they finish to wake me the fuck up." Husk laid his head down.

"Should the food be this purple and bubbly?"

"Don't know.. let's add more salt."

"That checks out to me." Clanging and bashing filled the air as cracks and dust flew everywhere.

"Nooo, I just had that triple waxxed!" Nifty shouted in horror.

"Wait, this says a pound of meat. Does that mean we need to beat it first?"

"No, it's a weight measurement. You put in meat until it weighs a pound." The kid explained.

"How much is a pound?"

"Unclear … let's just dump the whole thing in."

Thunk

"Wait, which cabinet from the meat locker are you using-?!" Alastor shouted as the sound of a chainsaw buzzed in the air.

"What's that!? We can't hear you over the sound of mixing all the meats!" The weird little girl shouted.

Alastor still smiled, but Husk had been around the bastard long enough to know when he looked uncomfortable ... looks like opportunity was knocking. "Sounds delicious, kids!" Husk called out. "Make sure to drown it in ketchup and barbecue sauce!"

"No! That's only going to ruin the integrity of the meat-"

"Okay!" The two brats called out as squirting could be heard.

The radio demon twitched. "Wooow, scared of two little kids in your kitchen." Husk chuckled. "It's a good thing all of hell can't hear you lose your cool. That would be so embarrassing for you and your reputation." Husk grinned knowingly.

"But they can." Nifty blinked. "With the whole broadcast-Ooooh, I see what you're doing." The crazy gall nodded.

"I know what you're doing, and there will be hell to pay shortly in due time."

"Yeah, but that'll come after the kid and the girl ruin all your fresh venison." Husk countered. It was a small and petty win, but against Alastor, small and petty was as good as it

"Okay, it just has to cook for … Iruma can you help me, I can't read these numbers, they're too big."

"Four hundred and fifty degrees for thirty minutes."

"That's too long, can't we just half the time?"

"I don't think the oven goes up high enough for that."

"I can provide the firepower. Daddy gave me flame hands!" A big burst of green fire poofed out of the kitchen.

"Oooh ... in that case let's get cooking!"

"You're not supposed to cook venison with hellfire-!"

Kaboooim

The kitchen was covered in soot and flames. "Wooow, so crispy … hey Iruma, how come you got black?"

"... Those are singe marks … humans aren't as fireproof as you think … hellfire burns just by being near it."

"Oooooh… you should work on that."

"I try."

"My kitchen…. My meat…" Alastor still grinned, but his eyes were twitching frantically.

"Wow, that's something to take out of context." Nifty giggled.

"And all of hell will." Husk grinned as he took a drink. "That one was on me folks! Mock as you please!"

Iruma came out. "Dinner is served." He held up a flaming, charred mess of a dish. Alastor walked up close, his eyes glowing with rage. "... Oh no."

"It seems someone needs a lesson in culinary arts." Al grabbed onto Iruma's fingers. "Let's start with fingernails, ripped freshand bloody."

"Nah, I prefer deer." The girl grabbed the bastard by the hand ... and ripped it off. Following a moment of silence, the girl ate it whole, still smiling. "Pretty good, but a bit gammy."

"Pffffaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!" Husk let out a laugh. "No effort, no fucking effort whatsoever! It just came off like a stuffed doll!" This was officially the best day in hell he's ever had.

Alastor kept his smile, but it looked noticeably strained as he held in a wince. "… Who … did you say you were again?"

"Santina, my dad's Satan." She smiled cutely, still chewing on Al's hand … wait …

"… You're the brat of one of the freaking sins!?" Husk shouted, now stuck between laughing and shock.

"Her dad is a king!?"

"Yep yep yep! He rules wrath." Satina grinned. "But it gets boring there. The sun's always too hot, all the animals never want to play and the imps are too wimpy to play fun games."

"I've been there before." Nifty patted the girl on her back.

"But then I heard radio boy on the noise box and laughed at how he was able to survive things that should've killed him easily, so I figured he'd be more fun to hang out with! And I was right!" She hugged the kid's leg. "We made hamburgers… stew… casserole… honestly I don't know what we made, but it was fun! And he didn't die like my last friend!"

"What … happened to your last friend?" Iruma questioned.

"He didn't survive the piggy back ride." The brat smiled. "... Can you give me one?"

"Uh.."

"Pweeeessseee." The girl got big and bulgy eyes as she made her lips quiver.

".. Oakt…. Let's.." Iruma picked the girl up. "Let's have a piggy… back.. ride.

"Yay!" She shouted, crawling onto his back. "Rocket pig is a go!"

"Rocket wha-AAAAAAA!" The boy shouted, hellfire coming out of the girl's feet as they were launched through the window.

"…..Rocket powered roaches." Nifty took out a notepad. "I got to write that down for my next play."

"Al… you got owned by a brat barely reaching your ankle…" Husk laughed. "And all of hell it too!"

Crack

His shoulder was broken by a grip. "Oh do laugh it up … I'll make sure to keep a tally for when she leaves."

"Still ... worth it…" Husk smiled even as he fell to the ground. Still fuckin worth it.


"YOU LIVED!" Satina clapped as they landed. "Best friend! Bestest friend I ever had!" She was starting to have her doubts given that he was yelling with all that funny screaming, but he demoned up and managed to pull through! "Let's do that again!"

"… Why don't ... we get … ice cream or something first…" Her new best friend moaned as he fell in his face on the sidewalk.

"Good idea!" She snapped her fingers. "Now where to find some …" If every sinner tasted as bad as the deer man, then eating frozen body parts wasn't gonna cut it.

"I saw one or two parlors in cannibal town. Plus they're friendly, so there's less people likely to kill me… well, kill me more than usual." Her best friend stood up and offered his hand. "Just stay close and don't wander off. If your dad's a king, then I don't want to give him reasons to kill me."

"Don't worry, daddy doesn't kill people." She reassured the radio boy.

"Really?" He blinked in a confused voice.

"Yeah. You can't hate someone if they're dead. He just puts them into a torture dimension where time has no meaning." So many screams and whimpers.

"…Well it wasn't like I wanted to sleep tonight anyways." Radio boy laughed at his funny joke. "So you've listened to the broadcast?"

"Yeah, ever since that episode where you cried and yelled at your mommy." Satina nodded. It made her think of her own mommy… and that felt nice.

"Huh? But my parents sold me to hell before the broadcast started." Radio boy said, confused.

"Then who was the angel woman who spent her entire life protecting you?" Satina asked.

"You mean Emily?" He titled his head. "She's…" Iruma paused. "She's … I'm not really sure ... technically I've only met her three times before."

"Did she divorce your daddy to make him pay child support?" That seemed to be pretty common for kids that didn't know their mommies.

"No. She doesn't have a partner … I think." Iruma tilted his head cutely. "I don't even know if Angels can date. I mean, demons do, apparently, but if they're the opposite, wouldn't they not be allowed to?"

"Angels aren't the opposite." Satina blinked. "Otherwise there would be one nice person for every mean person. And you said all angels were jerks."

"Guess that's fair." Radio boy nodded. "Although demons seem to be a decent sixty-forty for mean/nice respectively."

"Like your girlfriend?" She asked.

"My what now?" He asked. "I know I only have girls as friends, but you're gonna have to be more specific."

"The birdie lady that keeps talking about her daddy issues with you." Satina explained.

"Oooh … yeah, she's super nice compared to most of the people I know." He agreed with a smile. "Honestly, Octavia's probably the only fully reasonable demon I've met. She's nice without pushing it and doesn't yell at me. Everyone else either acts fake, has anger issues, or causes me pain."

"What about the succubus that kissed you while you were all girly?" She asked.

"She may or may not have been trying to eat me … unclear." Radio boy shook his head. "It's just… hard for me to accept anyone as a friend after having none for this long. The idea that anyone wants me around … it feels more like a dream than it should."

"That's silly." She grinned. "Anybody can be your friend if you try hard enough. It's not something to think deeply about."

"Alastor will never be my friend." The guy said plainly.

"I said anybody, not everybody. Someone with meat that tastes that bad is never a good friend." She giggled. "If you're able to talk to somebody and they leave you with a nice feeling, then you're friends."

"... Hmm … I mean, I don't know … what if they leave you with a weird feeling? Or a nice but hurt feeling?" Man, Iruma was fun, but he was sure dumb.

"Don't think about it. That's what adults are for. Making the complicated decisions that we don't need to make." Satina grinned. "Like last week, I dove into a volcano and swam in place in spite of the hellquakes and hellsnakes all over the place. If something makes you feel good, you keep that good feeling."

"... So hell quakes are a thing." He nodded. "I should warn Moxxie." The radio boy shook his head. "So you just like having fun? You don't like torturing people … well, torturing them directly at least?"

"Nah, ripping people to shreds sounds mean and feels boring." Satina shrugged. "I just wanna smile, eat yummy treats, and cuddle with family and friends."

"Is family really important to you?" Iruma titled his head.

"Well yeah." She nodded. "If you can't trust family, who can you trust?"

"... No one?"

"Then I'd be lonely and bitter and end up being miserable for the rest of my life." She grinned. "Like Lucifer since his wife left him. Or that tall imp guy you work for."

"... Oh god, I'm going to grow up into Blitz." See, Radio boy told amazing jokes! "Why is hell so cruel?"

"Cause a lady bit into an apple and realized evil existed." Satina recalled the stories mommy used to tell her.

"... Eating is evil … I really was gonna come down here regardless."

"That means we were going to become friends. No matter what." She grinned as she hugged his arm. "How close are we to ice cream?"

"Cannibal town should be around five minutes down past-"

KABOOOOOMM

BAM

KABASSSH

"...Past the blimp destroying all those buildings.." Iruma stared up blankly at the sky. "You know what, I don't know why I was expecting less in hell."

"Oooh, that metal balloon is making a lot of pretty fireworks." Satina ahhed as the sight as missiles and flames flew all over the place. "Everyone's having fun!"

"AHHHH! I'M ON FIRE! THIS WAS HOW I DIED!"

"EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES WOMEN AND CHILDREN LAST!"

"NO YOU IDIOT, FIRST! WE USE THEM AS SHIELDS!"

"I lost my body." A talking head spoke. "Has anyone seen it?"

"... Fun is … a word." Iruma nodded. "... Let's go around the chaos, it shouldn't take too long."

"Nooo, let's go play with the balloon!" Satina pouted.

"Satina, that balloon is shooting missiles and splatting blood against the walls." Radio boy pointed to the fun body paint getting everywhere. "What would you dad say if you were in the middle of danger?"

"To prove myself as the toughest little hellion ever and dominate those that oppose me." Satina recited word for word what her dad would've wanted. "... Besides, since when are shooting missiles and splatting blood boring?"

"I kind of like boring, it means I'm not in danger of dying." The boy groaned.

"Hahahahaaha, you say the funniest jokes, Radio boy, that's why you're my best friend." Satina grinned as she hopped on his back again. "Rocket Piggy two point o, engage!" She started up the fire as they flew in the air.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"YAAAAAAH! Screaming always means fun!" She definitely knew she made the right choice making him her friend.


Sir Pentious smiled as he gazed upon the destruction. "Yesssss … YEEESSSSS!" He shouted with glee. "Ssssoon, all of hell ssssshal know my wrathhhh and power!" After so many years of being a failure, forced to survive exterminations, and being humiliated … this would be his time! "I will no longer be ssssome meassssely kingpin of contraptttttttions! Hell will know my fury and I will topple all the overlords, and get the recognition of the V'ssssssssss!"

"That sounds swell boss!" Egg boi 989 grinned as they worked on manning the stations.

"Does that mean you'll finally use the ray gun?"

"Yesss, yesss, yessss, now quit lollygagging, you sssssscrambled egged sssssimplitonsssss!" He groaned. It wasn't easy being an evil genius and a boss/father figure to over hundreds of little loyal minions. "We keep up thisssss momentum, we'll have half the pentagram under our control by week'ssssss end!"

"That's amazing boss!" Egg Boi 547 grinned.

"Yeah, it's exactly what you said last time we tried this!" Egg boi 121 nodded. "And the time before that, and the last time, and the last time. And the time before that, and the time before that"

He twitched, withholding his anger. "... Jusssst turn on the radio." Pentious spoke. "I need to know the location of arch nemesisssss … Alassssstor!" That arrogant fool thought he was SOO high and mighty, able to broadcast his every location and thought like he had nothing to fear. Their pride would be their downfall, and it would be the ascension of Sir Pentioous!

"Oooh, is it story time already?!" Egg Boi 039 skipped in his steps as he turned the dial.

"We're going to crash!" The human child shouted. Always in danger, that one. It was a wonder what drew the twisted enigma of a mind of one such as the radio demon to it.

"Yep, right into the glass part of the giant balloon!" Strange, the human seemed to have a companion. Maybe it was one of those goetia's-wait, what did they mean by metal balloon-?

CRASH

"AHHHHH!" The human child crashed through the glass with some kind of tiny reddish pink skinned demon, right into Pentious as they all got slammed into the nearby gears-

BZZT

-electrocuting them all as they flew back out into the central control station. "...HAHAHA! Yay!" The little demon with a girlish voice cheered. "Electric fun for the brain! Let's do that again!"

"So hard … to dodge … in air …" The boy groaned.

Come on Pentious, you can do this! Ignore the pain … "Well well well!" He cackled maniacally. "We meet at lasssst, Radio Boy!" The soon to be ruler smirked at his opponent. "It is quite unfortunate, for viewing me isssss a death sssentencccce … to doom!"

"Okay, okay, really sorry sir." The boy stood up and politely bowed. "My… friend here just got a little too excited seeing you really fancy blimp. We'll let you go back to whatever madness you're up to."

Strangely polite. No matter, the boy's fate was sealed."Oooh, my apologiesssss, but I'm afraid it'ssss to late. For you face the monarch of machinessss, the ssssserpent of diabolical might, and the arch nemesissssss of Alasssstor himself! I am … Sssssir Pentioussssss!"

"...Who?" The human looked at him with a blank expression. "Look, I haven't been in hell that long, and I'm barely getting to know what's who and why around here, but I've worked for Alastor for the past month or so … and he hasn't mentioned any rivals…. Only one that comes to mind is Vox considering how much he hates Tv." The human blinked, turning to the little girl. "Given the Tv head, would that count as racism?"

"I think of it as more techism." Egg boi 659 raised his hand. "One irrationally hates technology of the past while another irrationally hates the technology of the future. It's a limited and rather ignorant mindset stemming from both sides that'll prevent proper growth and expansion into new ideas and maturity."

"Hahaha, funny egg man makes funny words." The little demon girl cackled. "Wanna play go fish?"

"Oh boy, do I!" The shouted. "Can we play with them boss? Pleeease?"

"NO YOU BLUNDERING BENEDICT SSSSSSTYLED BREAKFASSSST BUFFET OPTIONSSS, SSSSEIZE THEM AND THE BOY!" Sir Pentious rolled his eyes. "Sssso sssssorry about that, it's hard to make proper help thessssse days. You think about all the time you put in to harvesssssst dead demon ssssoulssss and wonder if it was all worthhhh it in the end."

"... Should I question the dead souls bit or the Marry Shelly reference first?" The boy questioned.

"Oh, you've read the book asss well?"

"Reading's really the only fun hobby I have whenever I have free time." The boy shrugged. "Didn't you know that whole story turned out horrible and backfired?"

"That wasssss only becausssse the inventor wasssss horrified by hissss creation, not taking the time to get to know them and inssstantly resssssorting to abandonment and murder. That picture shhhhow basssstardized the entire franchisssse."

"I kind know what you mean. The original story had the monster self aware and be smart, but everyone always just remembers a dumb monster. Heck, they still confuse Frankenstien for being the monster's name."

"Like, why!" He shouted out. "It makessss no sssensse for-wait a ssssecond, I'm loossssing track of the point!"

"Well, the novel was made because Mary Shelly had a nightmare one night-"

"No, the point of capturing you asssss revenge againsssst Alassstor!"

"...Wait, you're trying to….wow…" The boy sighed. "Look… ah… mister snake man…"

"SIR PENTIOOUS!" He hollered in correction.

"..Mr… Pentious.." The boy continued. "Alastor isn't the type of boss to just come out just because you have something of his. Unless it's his cane, I doubt he even cares."

"Oh, but he caressss about you being trapped, and NOT tortured! The boredom will hurt him worssseee than any holy weapon could!" Such a brilliant plan!

"...I don't know if that's a smart or bad idea…." The child shook his head.

"It's horrible!" The girl shouted. "Boredom is the source of all evil!"

"See, this little… imp bat …. Thing…. Recognizesss the magnitude of my massster plan, and now… all of HELL will know of my genius! AHAHAHAHA!" He cackled. "Egg bois, play the music!"

"Yes boss!" He smirked as they pressed play on the music projector.

"My little pony, my little pony."

"NOT THAT ONE!" He shouted

"Oooh." The egg boi pressed it again.

"Hello darkness my old friend … I've come to speak to you again …"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO EAT YOU RAW WITH A SSSSSSTTTRAAAAAAAWWWWW!?"

"Be more specific boss!" The egg boi argued back.

"...Do you need a hug?" The radio boy asked with a sincere look in his eyes.

Pentious hated that he was tempted to say yes. "The organ master plan music…" Hopefully people were only turning into the radio station. With a click of a button, the actual music began playing, as the evil mastermind composed himself once more. "If I were so inclined, I'd unleash my fervent mind." He started, moving to the window. "Upon the countless swathes of ignorance, the unrefined!" He was a genius cut down in his prime, a brain that constantly SWARMED with brilliance!

"The wheels are turning, and my plans are now a shame I'll leave the ones who laughed." He chuckled, imagining it within his like Alastor, the V's, every single every overlord in this stinking cesspool "Down in their pits and squirming!" Fallen and unable to do anything but praise him!

"That's right, boss man!" The egg boi's cheered.

"Forget the Leather Apron! I will be terror's patron!" He slittered up to the two youngerset, wrapping his tail around them. "Those youths, so "hip" and "cool", I'll give them proper education!" All those ignorant of the power of the past and future combined with ambition! "In my constrictive grasp, again I'll make them breathe their last!"

"Like how you got #5 when he didn't get your order right?" Egg Boi 667 asked.

"Yes, just like that…" He grunted with a role of his eyes.

"I feel like you should be a science teacher or something if you want people to know how smart you are." The radio boy pointed .

"I will not!" He shouted. "I will be …" Pentious moved up to the the boy, unfurling his head as he got into his eyes. "A conqueror! A conjurer! Of automatons and fire!" With the flick of a lever, multiple missiles obliterated a couple of buildings. "My machinations, for higher stations, will give what I desire!" Power, respect, recognition! "I am a visionary, extraordinary, this realm will come to see!" No more being overlooked, his mind and power would be known! "As the circle burns, those fools will turn, as gears in, MY MACHINE!" He cackled as the city was set ablaze.

"Pretty lights." The girl ooohed and awed.

"Satina, we're being held hostage."

"But there's no ropes or guns keeping us in one place." She pointed out. "He's just slithering around singing as he's setting the town on fire."

"Becausssse you foolssss have no hope of escaping my contraptttttions!" Sir pentious grinned. "I will take over this sisssssde of hell unoppossssed, and I'll bring Alasssstor TO ME for once! And bessssst of all, there is no one who is capable of ssssstopping me!"

"What about that girl?" Egg Boi 789. "You know, the one that keeps blowing up all your stuff every time you want to expand territory?"

"Pleassssse, ssshe doessssn't shhhhow till 6 o clock." He knew that beautiful-that HOAR'S schedule by heart by now.

"Oh, so this is someone else throwing cherry shaped bombs at us." Egg boi 435 grinned as one smashed through their windows.

"What whaaaat!?"

KABBOOOM

"Edgelord!" That familiar and sexy-HORISH skank shouted as she smashed through." It's time for your 6pm pummeling...

"HER?! … But it'sssss barely 5:30?" Was today an early day or something?

"Who's that?" The radio boy asked.

"Oh, that's the girl who blows us all up. Good thing you sinners are immortal." One of the egg boy's chuckled.

"Name's Cherrie Bomb, Squirts. Spunky Powerhouse and explosive extraordinaire at your service." His rival grinned as she took a second look at the human child. "Wow, you actually got the crazy radio kid with ya here… I'm almost impressed."

"..You are?" Pentious asked with a hopeful plea.

"YEah, cause now I can broadcast kicking your butt and smashing this tacky tin can to the ground live!"

"Hey, do you mind waiting until we're off the ship before you crash it!?" The radio child shouted.

"But that's so much fun!" The little imp girl pouted.

"Oh, you one eyed hoar, you think just becaussssse your firecrackerssssss mildly inconvenience me five timesssss before that you'll be able to take me down?! Fat chance!" He growled, getting his ray gun ready.

His stunning rival just cackled as she took out her illustrious explosive contraptions, and began dancing as she threw them all over. "Think I'm just a firecracker? Well, don't take me too lightly! You turn your back for just a second! I'mma steal this city!"

"Satina, keep your head down!" The radio child grabbed the impish girl.

"Wipeee! We're gonna blow up!"

"Approach with caution, 'cause I'm caustic, chaotic! I wasn't built weak" The vixen-CYCLOPS shouted out in song. "You wanna start a war, old man? Then come at me!" She tossed multiple grenades out at him.

"Why you!" He began firing.

"Yes! He has the ray gun!?

"Please sir, hit me with it!"

"Don't bother tryna fight, Just give in to my demands!" Cherri grinned as she backed flipped, stomping Egg Boi's 876 and 452 as she landed. "And get your bois to call me chef, 'cause I'mma scramble your plans!"

"Can we take one of the eggs to go?" The little imp girl held egg boi 716 in her hands.

"...It might be because I'm hungry or because Alastor and Rosie make me more desentized to cannibalism… but I'm going to say yes."

"I shall name you Frank and we will have fun throwing you like a baseball!"

"Don't name my egg boissss!" He screamed, before a bomb was thrown into his face.

"I am the queen at the top!" She exclaimed, moving her hips as she threw multiple explosive around them. "I'm making it pop!" The woman threw another bomb straight at him. "So hold up! And brace for the hit!"

BOOM

"There goessss the enginesssss!" He shouted as they began falling.

"I got your fuse lit! To blow up!"

"Don't you have a backup generator on this thing?!" The radio child shouted.

"She blew that up first." Egg boi 23 stated.

"A pyromaniac princess?! Don't make me laugh!" Looks like his warmachine would take a hit today… but not before he took out this beauty-THIS SKANK! I'll tear you up into pieces Use your explosives for parts!" He used one of her explosives and threw it right back in her face.

"Oh, you did NOT just use my own bombs at me, bitch!" His rival growled as he used his tail to grab her by the legs.

"You talk a big game, missy! But sorry to inform!" He threw her over and into one of his chairs, which strapped her in."That your party poppers can't! Stop the oncoming storm!" He cackled as they fell, the fuse lowering more and more.

"Are you crazy!" The boy shouted.

"How come he loses the lisp when he sings?" The girl asked.

"Don't let appearances deceive, I'm evil down to the bone!" If he had to blow everyone up to prove his superiority, than so be it! "I'm a wave of devastation! And I'll take what you own!" Her bombs, Alastor's human child servent, whatever the imp girl was, he would take them all! "And when I've ground you into paste, For all of Hell to see." The man moved closer, almost lip to lip. "I'll have this all wrapped up, just in time for tea!"

"Anyone have a screwdriver!?" The human child shouted.

"Right here!" Egg boi 120 tossed the boy one.

"Don't help the enemy-ach!" Miss Bomb kicked him in the face from her constraints.

"Try it, loser…" The arsonist growled.

He growled in rage… as a vast emptimeness filled his hear. "They called me failure….. A failure….."

"Cause you are."

"My genius called a "sham…."

"Yous a moron."

"Those in my way, that's what they say… " That's what the world thought of him as…. And he would PROVE THEM WRONG! "I'll show them who I am!"

She smirked. "All you've shown me is a pathetic bitch."

"I am inquisitor! Executioner!" They would all die here! … Metaphorically, since sinners were immortal. "And your lives are on the line! If you want a taste!Of being laid to waste! Then I'm happy to oblige!

"WHEEEEE! WE'RE STILL FALLING!"

"Working on that!" The boy shouted.

"Whataya mean? I'm having fun!"

"A conqueror! A conjurer! Of automatons and fire!" Flames covered everything as they started to reach the ground. "My machinations, for higher stations, will give what I desire!" He exclaimed to the world. "I am a visionary, extraordinary, this realm will come to see!" Pentious gazed down at the flaming city. "As the circle burns, those fools will turn, as gears in … MY MACHINE!" He cackled as they fell, farther, farther … and stopped falling. "... Pardon?"

"...Done…. We… we actually made it….we actually made it." The boy slumped over in exhasution as he held the screw driver in his hand.

"How… HOW DID YOU RECONFIGURE MY MACHINESSSS!"

"I just put things back where they were needed." The radio boy shrugged. "I'm not too school smart, but I know how to put gears in place."

"... If you weren't under contract with Alasssstor, I'd offer you a paid internsssssship."

"Outdone by a kid…. Ha, boy's as crazy as the raido says." Miss Cherrie cackled as she slipped out of her constraints and shoved a bomb into his mouth. "Till we tumbled again, dickweed, here's a little 'kiss' to remember me by!"

… Did she say kiss-

BOOOM


Iruma panted with relief as they finally got back to a safe spot. "One piece … another day survived …" All from one crazy child and a man who really looked like he needed a hug. Probably the first demon aside from Moxxie he felt sorry for on a deep level.

"That's was great! You were like AHHHHHHH, and he was like 'lalalala, my machines kill everyone, and you were like 'AHHHHHH! You're like a rollercoaster!" Satina jumped for joy. "Everyday you're constantly going up and down and it's always a thrill!"

"Thrill, that's another word to use." Iruma slumped. He's had to babysit kid's before… but none of them were capable of burning him with HELLFIRE! "So … ice cream, then call it a day?" Please, call it a day.

"YAAYYY!" Oh good, she was agreeing… why was she covered in blue fire, what did blue fire mean!? "Aw man, daddy's calling me back home. Booo!"

Ooooh, thank you possible existent god. "It's alright … I had fun anyway." He ruffled her head. Fun was stretching it… but her heart was at least in the right place, just like Moxxie and Millie's… cept Satina didn't try to kill people…. As far as he knew.

"You did!?" Satina grinned. "That's amazing, you really are my best friend!"

"i ..am…" He chuckled.

"Want to be best friends forever!?"

"Uh.. sure…" That didn't sound too bad … given how he was going to be in hell forever, having a friend that'll last that long sounded nice.

"Then lets shake hands!" She held out his own.

Iruma chuckled at the little gesture as he took her hand, shaking it … as flames covered his body- "AAAAHHHHH!" He screamed. "AAAHHHhaaaahhhh ….." … Why didn't it burn? "...What… what just happened?"

"We made a soul pact, just like my daddy taught me to do!" She grinned as she held a piece of paper.

"… Sorry to say, that's not possible." He chuckled. "I already got my soul sold. You can tell by these crows feet near my-" Iruma froze, looking at his reflection in the mirror, as the once small black lines seemed to expand and grow a bit more. "What… what… what just… what's.."

"No, I own your soul, see." She pointed to the bottom of the paper, where his full name was signed in gold ink. "Iruma Suzuki… heheh, funny name. Anyways, daddy said that as long as a name appears on a contract thingy, then a deal's been made."

"… Then …" Iruma gasped… this… this… this couldn't be possible… he couldn't have. "So … you own me now?" He questioned.

"Yep!" She smiled. "Bye bye, new best friend!" Satina skipped away.

He … he sold his soul … again … because he trusted a child. No… not a child….he trust a demon… demons that only wanted to use him and see him suffer….because that's all his life was good for…

"Quite a show." He turned to see the familiar smile of Alastor. "I was a bit put off by the fluff and you only getting minor burns, but loosing your soul, AGAIN, to an infant … you turned it around Suzuki. Truly! A source of great entertainment!" Just a product, just a way to make people who liked hurting others laugh.

"..." Iruma didn't have the strength to argue back. Alastor… was right…. Iruma didn't even have his parents to blame, he made this stupid deal himself…. He trusted a demon child and now he was bound to TWO demons… for all eternity.

"How the fuck is that even possible?" Husk asked. "One soul, one deal, that's how it's supposed to work.

"Well his eyes aren't black." Nifty spoke up. "Just the spot around it … living people, different rules?"

"Oooh, I wonder what would happen if I made you sit still and had every demon in hell make a deal." The man's voice contorted reality… and Iruma couldn't muster the strength to even be afraid. "… No, wouldn't have the patience. I'll just let it happen naturally now that everyone knows they can put a collar on you."

Because … that's all he could do … just accept the messed up parts of life. "... You're going to beat me up for the cooking earlier, aren't you?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"Undoubtedly so, yes." Figured as much… he was three friends in, so of course terrible things had to happen to compensate.