Blitz groaned as a section of the building was set on fire. "Fifth time this week!" For the past few days IMP has been shot at, blow up, and repeatedly hit over and over … all for a single reason …

"I am going to murder that brat for lockin lips with Verosika Mayday before I did!" Greasy looking mothers-basement dwellers were crawling all over just because the kid had the slut's tongue shoved down his throat. "It should've been me!"

"Oh fuck off!" Millie shouted as she threw a knife into the demon's head. "My tots been traumatized by that skank and he needs to recover!"

"I have been traumatized, but it has less to do with what Verosika did." Iruma grumbled as he ducked under an axe. "And more with my life just generally existing how it is now."

"And he's been on that train for a while." Blitz shook his head. "Honestly he has nothing to worry about."

"Besides his injured leg?" Mox questioned. "The one he received after just recovering from a wounded shoulder?"

"Oh we've tanked worse." He scoffed.

"We have, he hasn't!" Millie shouted as she pulled the kid down from a hammer thrown his way. "He avoids danger, he's not used to taken it to the face like all of us! It's why he still has that precious baby soft skin all over." The woman rubbed the boy's face.

"Not THAT soft. I had to grow calluses when I worked in the mines, otherwise I would have just had splinters all the time."

"Yet they're still soft like a baby's bottom." Millie runned her head in one of them.

"And as gross." Blitz growled as bullets flew through the air, turning to the window. "Hey hey hey! Unless you guys got the dough, no one kills the kid!l"

"I'll give you five hundred souls for it!"

"One thousand souls!"

"Three thousand!"

He paused. "They are making very tempting offers here M and M."

"Blitz. If you even consider throwing the tot to the wolves, I'll chop your dick off, shove it up your ass, and send you gift wrapped and bondaged to Stolas!"

"You had me, then you lost me." He sighed. "Mox, grab my dick."

"Sir, is this the time for one of your fantasies?"

"Fine, I'll grab it myself." He trudged over and grabbed his special rocket launcher, it's name painted on the side.

"Oooh, that makes more sense oddly enough." Iruma noted.

"Now get a taste of this, Cum suckers!" Blitz cackled as he launched it into the crowd, blowing them all the fuck up. "Ooh yeah … that should give us about a day or two until they reform."

"I still don't see why everyone's in such a fuss." The kid scratched his head. "It was just a kiss. An admittedly nice one, yeah, but nothing special."

"It's cause your brain's wired to the point it could be considered retarded to most." Loonie said as she stared at her phone. "Veroskia Mayday's both one of the most popular pop stars in hell and legitimately one of the most sexiest demons.."

"She's a six at most.." Blitz rolled his eyes. "And say dumbass instead of retarded sweetie, it's less offensive to the snowflakes that get hurt over that stuff." You say it once when insulting your co-worker over the radio, and suddenly EVERYONE loved to climb on your ass about how 'wrong' it is.

"Point is that everyone this side of hell wants to fuck her, and would even give away table money just to kiss her boots." His daughter continued.

"... That seems like a large waste of money for a super unsanitary outcome." Iruma groaned.

"Well that's just a downside of sinners being immortal." Moxxie shook his head. "They have nothing but time to save up money for their debaucherous actions."

"Doesn't matter." Blitz rolled his eyes. "The skank got her hands on you, and now you got horny demons that want to either kill you or fuck you just for the cheap thrill of it." He waved to the damaged building.

"And they already wanted to kill me before that … of course." He grumbled. "You know what, I'm just gonna get out of the Pride ring today."

At that, Mil's eyes sparkled. "Oooh, I can take you to visit my family on the farm!"

"Uh… thanks.. but.. I kind of.. want to spend today alone… as alone as the broadcast can let me." The kid groaned.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Mox asked. "You don't know the other rings that well."

"I know enough." Iruma shrugged. "Sloth is a drug covered hospital with inflated prices, and Greed is a capitalist empire with a flaming circus that wants us dead."

"You know, he ain't wrong." Loona pointed out. "And again, broadcast, it's not like you idiots won't know what he's doing."

"The last time my baby went to a ring alone he got preyed on by Succubi, hit by a truck, and nearly killed by a hospital. I ain't gonna leave him alone." Mils pouted.

"Millie, I've never asked for anything from anyone, and my minds still trying to wrap around who's trying to be nice to me and who's just out to kill me." The kid groaned out tiredly. "Please.. I just need the space to think clearly."

"..." The feisty imp sighed. "Alright … go on then …"

"Thank you. Later everyone!" Iruma waved as he walked out, leaving them in a temporary silence.

"... So, how much money do you wanna bet he'll end up lost at sea in Envy?" Blitz asked.

"Sir, not funny." Moxxie shook his head.

"Honest question." He shrugged, turning to his daughter. "So, whatcha lookin at-"

"NOTHING!" The girl slammed her phone down.

"...Okay, raising more parental alarms than usual." Blitz slowly nodded. "You know if you want to beat the clam you just have to-"

"FUCK OFF BLITZ!" And Loona proceeded to go for the neck again.

"AAAHHH!" Ah, good old, normal father daughter time.


Robo Fizz grumbled as he put together plank after plank. "Those stu-stu-stupid cunts are gonna pay when I get my han-hands on them." Destroying the entire park and forcing them all to build from scratch. Oooh, he wanted so much vengeance. Many days he was tempted to erase the memories from his own head just to forget that unfunny clown dickbasket.

But the job came first, which meant fixing up their money maker. Wich also, luckily, meant the Big M himself spared no expense fixing HIM, the main star right up…. Unfortunately, the Sin of greed did it with the cheapest parts possible, as seen by his right arm constantly flying off. "FUCK!" Cried out an imp who got hit by said arm, falling down as the logs crushed his body.

"RobFucker, get that thing under control before you kill any more of the help!"

"Yesszzzz sir!" Which of course didn't matter in the long run as since this was greed, they were all about getting as fast and cheap labor as possible. It was VERY counterproductive, considering he was programmed for entertainment, not cheap labor. Which was weird given that most Fizzbots were SUPPOSED to do everything. Maybe something got damaged when Blitzo smashed his circuits.

He worked on hammering away his latest pieces of plywood … "Um, excuse me." Robo Fizz turned to see a blue haired brat that was vaguely familiar walk next to him. "I saw that you were hiring anyone on the sign up front?"

"Depends, quic-qui-quick interview! Are you cheap!"

"Yes."

"Do-do-do you have pr-pride in your work?"

"I'll do anything to survive no matter how humiliating."

"Will you be ac-act-actively be seeking to sue us f-f-for lia-liability."

"I can't afford a lawyer." That was always a good answer.

"Are you physically capab-b-ble enough of breaking a s-spine if enraged?"

"I don't really get angry."

"We-we-weren't you part of the Fu-Fu-fuckers that burned us down?"

"….No. I never burned anything that wasn't a campfire or food."

"Then grab a ham-ham-hammer and get to work!" He shoved a tool into the kid's hands and pushed him forward.

"Understood!" The kid smiled as he went to his own little corner, humming to himself as he got to work. Hopefully they could underpay him and get good labor out of it. "So, what are we doing to make this place safer?"

"That-th-that ain't your priority kid, just bolt and hammer what goes together even-ev-even ifffff you gotttta force square peggsn into r-ro-round assholes!"

"...That sounds both impractical and unsanitary."

"Well it's what you-you-your getting paid for." He countered. "We-we-we're working off the sh-sh-shit off our ba-bac-backs here, so ya gotta make the mos-most of the trash you've been given."

"Oddly enough, that's not even the first time I've heard that kind of advice while working on a burned down amusement park." The kid noted. "So are we building a tent or the support beams of a roller coaster right now?"

"Same diff-ff-frence." He shrugged. "We'we'we'll figure out the kinks on-once we're halfway thr-through."

"… This is gonna backfire spectacularly." The kid muttered sarcastically as he went back to work. Took shit and kept on chugging … just what this company needed!


"Wally wackford's special elixir! Will get you money for the low low price of a hundred bucks!" Wally Wackford shouted out into the crowd. It wasn't exactly one of his best top fifty get rich quick schemes, but it would serve in a pinch! And to think he was doing so well selling his inconvenient torches! Good thing these sleazebags at the amusement park never connected those dots.

"Hmm … spend money to make money … that makes sense!" A dumbass bought an elixir, drinking it and walking away. "I can feel my blood getting richer already!" That was probably just the diabetes setting in. It was nothing but green sugar water. Exactly HOW it got green was anyone's guess. He didn't use any food dye.

"Hahaha, I say I say, nothing warms my heart than the smell of scamming a complete sucker like that." Wally flipped through his bills, smelling the fast cash he was making.

"HEY, WHEEL FOR HORNS!" Cash he immediately dropped when the construction workers shouted at him. "We paid you to sweep up the scrap, not sell lemonade!"

"I already swept it all up! This is just me on my five minute break!" Half swept, but that was good enough in hell.

"Well if your not going to do your job, stop standing around like a dumbass and get out of the way!" A pack of loan shark construction workers shouted as they came in carrying a large steel beam in his direction, and they weren't stopping or slowing down.

"Wait, just give me a minute to get out of the way-AAHHH!" Wally screamed as they ran over him without so much as giving him the courtesy of shoving him into a nearby brick wall. "Ow, I say ow-who the fuck where's cleets during a-OW!"

"Man, I'm so glad that football shop was holding a sale on cleets. My old shoes were wearing down."

"Yeah, now we can kick balls around, AND work our asses off."

"Ow-I say-OW!" He cried out as the group finished. "… I'm in so much pain, I say I say." He groaned, barely able to feel his tail, let alone his legs. The problem with being at rock bottom was that there was always something kicing you back down to your place. "I say I say….I could use… a little… help… getting up.." Wally called out, knowing that a response was feeble at best, and someone actually helping was impossible.

"Here you go." To his surprise and disbelief, a familiar voice offered a hand, leading up to a blue haired boy.

"I say I say, thank you.." He grabbed it as he was pulled up. "Say, aren't you the Radio demon's pet human that got leant over to Blitzo?"

"You know Blitz?" The child asked.

"Nothing super personal my dear boy, we just happen to both be Imp's of higher aspirations, and thus run within the same circles." Wally prided himself with a nod. "He made a name, and I made a name, I say I say."

"What name is that?" The kid tilted.

"Wally Wackford, home to anything that costs money!" He grinned. "I got, I got all matter of nick nacks, patty wacks, elixirs, seltzers, walkers, talkers, bots, thots, anything you can want, I can provide!"

"...So you're just a salesman?" The child titled his head.

"Just a salesman, JUST a salesman, I say human child, I am not just ANY salesman, I am the leading Imp salesman of all seven rings!" Because no other imp was crazy enough to stretch themselves that thin trying to make so much money in so little time."

"All seven … given that they're basically continents, isn't that world wide in its own way?"

"I say I say, you DO know your stuff, dontcha boyo?" He grinned as he knocked on the boy's head. "A lot more brains in that little noggin of your than the radio leads to believe."

"I'm not A smart, but I am dodging a bullet in the middle of a gang war smart." The kid nodded.

"Quite the head on your shoulders, quite the head!" Wally grinned. "Say, wouldn't you like a job? A partnership, a comradery between two up an connors in this business hectic world!"

"No thanks, I'm okay with just the job I'm working right now." The human turned away. "I'm really just a day hire today. I need something to keep my mind off how insane my life's gotten."

Time to pull in the big guns. "Come now, I would be honored if you could help me with this project of mine for no price!"

"… Alastor, each and every day you teach me how to hate people a little more each day." The kid groaned.

"Heya, I say I say, you can't blame an imp for doing what he needs for money!" He justified. "When every day you spend your life scrounging around at rock bottom, you got to do what ya can to survive."

"… Sadly that is one of the more relatable things I've heard since I arrived down here." The human rolled his eyes. "Alright, what's this project of your's you're so happy about?"

"I'm gonna sell these nifty trinkets." He smirked, showing of shiney figurines.

"Oooh, pretty." The boy grinned.

"Yep! Crafted them myself!" Wally grinned. "If you haven't notice, Greed's a little light on the glitz and glam department."

"I've noticed." The boy looked at the smoky and smog filled sky. "It's like the backyard of every single factory I've worked."

"Factories make up forty percent of land property in Greed." He explained. "Mammon is a huge lover of money and success, so he's always crafting and marketing anything that the public could want. Buisness men like mwah follow his example and try to capitalize on anything that's sticking ar the moment."

"Hmm … guess that checks out. If you have money, you can survive." The kid nodded.

"Percisely! And you're gonna make me a ton of money dear boy!" He grinned, wrapping an arm around the kid. "You don't even have to do much, I say I say you'll probably have the easiest job you'll ever have in hell or anywhere else!"

"… Sorry if I don't believe that." The boy glared.

"I swear I swear to Satan that I ain't fibbin, boyo! All you gots to do is stand on by while I give my pitch! That way everyone everywhere can know where to find Wally Wackford Wonderful world of shiny shimmering small statues!"

"It always comes back to free advertisement." The kid grumbled. "Fine, go ahead and announce it and stuff."

"Will do, buckeroo!" Ha, easiest advertisement ploy ever. "Get ya shiny nick nacks! Shiny nick nacks on the streets of Larceny and Kidnap Bulevard! You ain't gonna find anything more shiny and valuable in Greed, so pick them on up while they're still shiny and lustrous!"

"They are pretty shiny. Where did you get the material?" The boy asked.

"Melted it down from some guns I stole from a mob." Wally waved off. "It was so easy to dupe those dumb backwater inbreds too. Like, they couldn't swim their way out of a shallow pond, much less THINK for themselves."

"..." The kid took a deep breath. "I should have gone to sloth."

"Come now, this is a good opportunity to make ME money! What could possibly go wrong!?" He asked.

"You just admitted that you duped a mafia gang… on LIVE radio." The walking advertisement pointed to his shadow. "You know, the whole reason why you roped me into this in the first place?"

"Meh, people down here aren't much for pride." Wally Wackford waved off. "As if they're gonna listen in to-"

"HEY CHUMP!"

"... So um, how much has your leg healed by the way?"

"Oh, NOW you remember important details." The kid rolled his eyes.

"I don't remember hearing your being this sassy either." The imp argued as they were shot at. "Now don't just stand there like a lamp post, help me get away!"

They twitched. "Alright … time to run through the pain …"


Tony had a good life as a member of his group. Decent pay, easy jobs, and lots of blood to give to his kids. Now came his current mission, trying to off that no good Wackford nutjob and the brat he was with, repeatedly shooting hot lead into their mouths. "Just stand still and die would ya!?"

"I say I say, not on your life, you slum living grease bastard!" That spiral horned hick shouted as he was riding on the back of that human kid that's been making waves on the radio. Personally, he found it to be a load of baloney, but seeing was believing. "It would help me quite a bit if you MOVED YOUR KEISTER FASTER!"

"I'm still healing from my leg, and you adding pressure on my back isn't helping!" The dumbass kid yelled back. "Dang it dang it dang it!"

"Why aren't you cursing?"

"If my parents drilled anything into my head other than being a doormat, it's being polite!" Well that was just stupid. Almost as stupid as NO ONE HITTING THEM!

"Tony, tell me you haven't been skipping out on your gun classes for your daughter's piano recital again!" His partner shouted.

"Even if I was, there's seven of us and ten guns! SOMEONE should have hit him if we're all firing!" Tony argued. "I ain't the one screwing up here! And I AIN'T the one that fucked us over by leaving our only supply of holy weapons out in the open, roger!"

"Wait a minute, wait a satan-damned minute, those were HOLY guns?!" That hick shouted. "Fuuuck, I could've made a WAY bigger fortune if I just sold them how they were. Oopsie on my part I guess."

"Wait, you melted them down without even know what the FUCK they were?!" Tony shouted.

"You know what they say! You can't take a leap of faith if you look at what's on the other side!"

"You are a terrible businessman!" The brat shouted.

"Oh, what the heck would you know!?"

"First of all-!" The kid climbed up a lamp post when they took out the flamethrower, climbing up. "You don't just melt down something like a gun to make statues! Even if it's shiny, you're only decreasing its property value by constantly putting it under flame, especially if you just used any old campfire! Anything that made it valuable has likely been burned out of it!" The kid jumped to a window seal when they took out the buzzsaw to chomp the lamp in half. "Second! Looking to the other side is IMPORTANT for sales! You have to learn about your audience and how what you have can be valuable to them! Just making something shiny and hoping for the best is the best way to end on the poverty line!"

"I already tried valuable, but my inconvenient torches market didn't end well."

"How would something inconvenient be valuable!?"

"Would you two just shut up and die!?" Another gang member shouted, pulling out an assault rifle and firing a few rounds.

"No, because dying is stupid!" The kid shouted as he managed to tuck and roll his way out of the firing line. "Aggg! Leg still hurts! Don't you have any sort of special skills to get us out of here?!"

"I can offer them this elixir that will double their firing power at a low price!" The man held up some vials. "All for the low low price of twenty bucks!"

"Oooh, that sounds pretty good actuall-" Tony slammed his fist into the idiot's head.

"Agggh! How are you even less helpful than Blitz!? At least he would've shot these people while running his mouth!" The grumbled. "Oh great, you're making me compliment the OTHER psycho killer boss I have, thanks a lot!"

"You know, I say I say with that speed you could grab one of their guns and shoot them instead of just complainin, kiddo!"

"I don't kill people!"

"Then you're even dumber than the radio says you are!"

"I could absolutely leave you behind you know!"

"Please don't!"

"... DANG IT!"

"Oooh, what if WE use trigger words to get the kid to stop?" Tony realized.

"Yeah, and isn't this kid like… infamous amongst the Vs?" Another pointed out. "We bring them his head, and we'll be like, super famous!"

"Oh brother, like I NEEDED more reason to be afraid." The kid grumbled. "I got an idea. Wally, have anything that can plug my ears?"

"Already on it buckero!" The imp took out two pieces of cotton. "These completely sound proot earmuffs can be yours for the low price of thirty dollar-"

"JUST GIVE IT TO ME BEFORE I BITE YOU ARM OFF!"

"Didn't you say you don't kill-?"

CHOMP

The kid bite into the arm. "It's not death if you live from it!"

"YOW! I say, YOW, take it, you little prick!" Wally began to shove the cotton in his arms.

"Hey kid, it would help us if you-!" Tony started to shout.

"What was that!?" The kid shouted as he ran up, his ears full of cotton.

"I said, it would help us if you-!" He tried again.

"Can't hear you!" The kid shouted as he began running. "La la la, can't hear anything!"

"… Does that mean he can't hear the bullets anymore?" One of the gangsters questioned.

"Sweet, maybe we can kill him now!" Another grinned as they started firiging…. And were STILL missing. "He has a messed up leg AND no hearing, how the fuck is this possible!?"

"La La La La La! Still can't hear you!" The kid held up those elixirs that Wally had and smashed them on their guns, getting the green water all over them.

"Oh, like a little water is suppose to do•-" Tony rolled his eyes… as he realized that his gun wasn't firing.

"Actually that one was made with battery acid." Wally raised his hands.

"It's what now?"

Kabbooom!

The second the smoke died, they were covered in soot, and the two bastards were gone. "... Fuck."


Iruma groaned as he hit the ground. "So … much … exhaustion …" Guess it was too much to expect a quiet day to himself … ugh, that was hope. He should've known better than to have that. Was he getting that comfortable with IMP for his guard to be that down? He needed to remember to keep it up, there was too much danger in the world.

"Thank you, I say I say, for your assistance, Mr Suzuki Sir." The nutjob he was stuck with saluted. "You have been an invaluable piece of help this fine dandy day."

"Right … welcome …" He was NOT happy to help. Was it just a thing where girls in hell were nicer than guys? The only guy he's met that was nice was Husk. That and Moxxie, but like he said earlier, he wasn't too far off from Millie with her 'nice in one moment and mega psycho killer the next'.

"We make one hell of a team if I say, I say for myself." Like heck they did! Iruma was doing all the work! "You do all the hard work, and I get the money! A perfect duo, I say I say." At least he was self aware.

"Yeah, perfect in hell." Like he should've expected anything less. "Well it was a… thing… meeting you, but I'm going back to pride."

"Yeah … pride … where's there decent reward money off you …" … No … "Say … I'm begging you to let me sell you to-" No!

"Aaggggggh!" Iruma's body felt itself move on its own, something that felt a little more primal than his usual instincts. Something that felt like he was holding back. "I have had it up to here with people pulling me along, and I'll be dead before I let someone like you take control!" He yelled as he tackled the man to the ground.

"Gah! I say I say, please let me-" Quick, use your instincts.

Chomp

"OW! I say I say OW!" Wally shouted as Iruma bit into one of those big spirally horns of his. "Low blow going for the horns boy! Low blow-OW!"

"iighhhj!" Iruma growled as he bit harder into the imp's horn. From everything he's heard from Blitz, Moxxie, and Millie, Imp horns were pretty important to imps. Like a goat or a moose. It was outside of what Iruma was for.. but he was livid. This wasn't the time for nice Iruma ... this was the time for mean Iruma.

"Wait, what are you-nooo! I say I say NOOO! Don't do that boyo, don't-"

RIIIIP

"YOU TORE MY FUCKING HORNS!" They screamed.

"And you tried to sell me, call it even!" Iruma shouted as he let go, making a run for it.

"FUCK! FUCK! FORGET THE MONEY! YOU ARE SOOOO GETTING PAYBACK! FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCK!!" The imp cried out as he made his way to the station.

"Gagh… he tastes worse than those loan sharks." Iruma grumbled as he held the horn in his hand. "What is hell doing to me.." He wouldn't have done this on earth. He didn't want to hurt anyone… but everyone wanted to hurt him… why.. why was he suffering like this…

In Greed everyone wanted you dead for money, and in Sloth everyone wanted to bill you beyond hope of ever escaping debt … maybe he should stick to Pride…. Then again, he still needed money to live. He couldn't just rely on Moxxie and Millie's kindness forever. Iruma didn't know how long that would last …

"TOT!" The familiar voice of Millie shouted as he felt himself getting tackled by the smaller woman. "You're okay-we'll… okay ish, which is way better than not being okay, and you got shot at again and -"

"I'm fine … just … ready to go back to pride." He groaned. "Why are you here?"

"Tot, I'm always going to be here when ya need it." She smiled as she rubbed his face tenderly. "You never have to question that."

Yes he did. Because she tried to kill multiple times. "Thanks… thanks Millie." He tiredly responded, not sure how much of his own tone was genuine. "I'm… I'm glad you're here."

"Anytime sweetie." The imp lady kissed him on the forehead. "Now let's get you something to eat. A growing boy like you needs all the enegery he can get."

"That… that sounds nice." He needed to learn how to live on his own … Because you couldn't trust them.