Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.

Chapter Forty-One

Nov 1: I was so happy to see Leslie when he was walking down the path to the main house. As I watched Olivia run to him, I thought I'm glad her husband is back. I also realized that I didn't love Leslie. My feelings had just been puppy love. I thought with another man around things would get easier. Things have not been any easier with Leslie being here. He is sad. He is always talking about the past and things that just don't matter now if they ever did.

Nov 5: Tony came to Tara today. When I saw him, I wondered where the young man who had called on me had gone. I asked him Why is everyone different? Tony said We are different because we now know we had been living in a fantasy. Our world was just gossamer threads. I didn't know what gossamer threads were so I asked Olivia. Gossamer threads is a fancy word for cobwebs. I am going to have to think about that.

Jan 1 66: It is going to be a good year. We sold the cotton for enough to pay the taxes and we have some money left over.

Jan 2: Sixty-six is not going to be a good year. They have raised the taxes by three hundred dollars. What am I going to do? I went to Leslie for advice. He was no help.

Jan 3: Clark sent me a letter. He is in Atlanta. I was so thrilled to learn he was alive. Do I love him? I don't know. I just know he will give me the three hundred dollars for the taxes. I will go tomorrow.

Jan 5: I went to see Clark at the Firehouse. He has been arrested by the Yankees for killing a man. I know the charges are false. Unfortunately, Clark can't give me the money. If he touches his money the Yankees will confiscate it. He said he would give me the money as soon as he gets out, but what if he doesn't get out in time?

Jan 7: Aunt Sarah Jane told me about Frank Kennedy's store. She said he was doing quite well. Frank showed me the entire store then he started bragging about all the money he had. When I heard he had five hundred dollars, my first thought was to get him married to Suellen. Then Suellen could get him to pay the taxes on Tara. I knew that Suellen would not save Tara if she had to give up her new house in Atlanta. I knew I had to get Frank to marry me and despite the fact I know I love Clark I have to get my hands on that money to save Tara. I don't even have a guarantee that Clark is going to get out of the Firehouse. I could lose Tara and Clark. I have the power to save Tara and I will pray that Clark doesn't get hung.

Jan 25: It is my wedding day. I went to see Clark last night to tell him what I was going to do. He was mad. He said a lot of unkind and hurtful things. I asked him if he could promise me, he could save Tara. He wrapped his arms around me. He dropped his head on the top of my head and said no. He said I can't even promise I am going to get out of here alive. I told him I love him. He said let me put a baby in you. So, you have something to remember me by. I said I don't need a baby to remember you by. I will never forget you but yes, put a baby in me so part of you lives on. He told me he loved me. I told him I would always love him. We consummated our relationship. It was wonderful. I can't go back today, but I will go back tomorrow and every day until he gets out. I can go in the morning while Frank is at the store.

Jan 26: Clark said he understood why I married Frank Kennedy. He said You did it to save the family home. Show me you are still mine. I willingly went into his arms.

Jan 30: I got the money to save Tara out of Frank.

Feb 3: Clark has gotten out of the Fire House. I asked him to run away with me. He said no. You will never be happy, that far away from Tara. Then you will begin to hate me because I took you away from Tara. I accepted his words because I knew they were true. He kissed me, I kissed him back. The clerk was at dinner. I locked the door, and we went into the storage room where there was a cot. I showed him how much I loved him, and he showed me how much he loved me.

Feb 6: Clark came by Hamilton House and took me out to look at a sawmill. He loaned me five hundred dollars to buy the sawmill. Frank asked me where I got the money, and I told him Clark lent me the money. He took my earbobs as collateral. I don't think Frank believed me, but I don't care. I really wish I hadn't married him but nobody else had the three hundred dollars.

Mar 6: Clark bought me a new horse because he didn't want anything to happen to me. I was so happy. I thanked Clark quite sweetly. He was so happy.

Mar 13: Clark meets me at the bend in the road and he escorts me back from the mills almost every day. We always have relations on the way back. It is always so thrilling with Clark. He is also giving me great advice on the running of the mill. After I have relations with Frank, I want to scour myself to get any part of him off me. I have been douching with vinegar and hot water since our wedding day. I really don't think I need to anymore. I think I might be with Clark's child. I hope he is happy.

Mar 21: I told Clark that I wish I hadn't married Frank. He said No, Honey, you wish you hadn't had to marry Frank. There was no other solution to saving Tara, but you marrying Frank. That is why I can live with the situation. He is old and sickly. He can't live forever. I tried not to laugh because it was so disrespectful, but I did anyway. Clark can always make me laugh no matter how bad things are.

Mar 24: I bought another mill. Clark said I could pause in my loan payment to him for six months. Just until I get the second mill on a solid footing.

Mar 28: Clark is so audacious. He has come to call at the Hamilton House. Frank has received him. Oh my gosh. What kind of weak man lets another man call on his wife while he is sitting right there.

April 15: The anniversary of the day Clark and I met. We are going to have a child, unfortunately I am married to another man. What are we going to do?

April 20: I told Clark about the baby, he is excited. He asked me to run away with him. I told him he had been right. If I run away with him, I will grow to resent him because I had to give Tara up for him. He said, I know that is true.

May 5: I am going to lease convicts. Clark doesn't think I should, but I am going to do it. They are so much cheaper than freedman.

July 1: Clark's father died. He has gone to Charleston to take care of his mother. He has been gone for almost a month. I miss him so much. How can I miss him so much, but I do.

July 15: Clark is back. Clark is back. I met him at his hotel. He was able to sneak me in. He loves to see me without my shimmy on so he can see my baby bump completely. We had relations three times. He was insatiable and I told him so. He said, When I am inside you is the only time, I truly feel like you are mine. I told him I was always his. He smiled sadly at me and said Not always. I knew what he meant but refused to speak of it. There is nothing we can do until Frank dies.

July 20: Pa is dead. Suellen got Pa kill trying to get Pa to sign the unionist oath. I wonder how stupid Suellen messed that up. I heard she mentioned the Slatterys and Pa had a moment of awareness. He stole a horse and died when the horse didn't clear the fence. Unbelievable she is still mad at me for marrying Frank. I have often told her she can have the man. I just wanted the money. Will and Suellen got married. He wanted to stay at Tara and she has no place else to go. Careen is going to enter a convent in Charleston. We will worry about her dowry later.

July 22: I agreed to hire Leslie while I was in my confinement. I am afraid I made a big mistake. I did it to keep Olivia in Atlanta. Hamilton House is full. I hope Leslie and Olivia find some place to stay soon.

August 16: I visited Leslie today. The books were bad. I told him that if he didn't start doing better then when I get out of my confinement, I would fire him despite my relationship with Olivia. They could just go to New York. It was then that Leslie said, I don't know how to run a sawmill. I told him I would be out every day to train him on how to be a good manager and how to sell. I gave Leslie a job to keep Olivia in Atlanta, but if he doesn't make a profit, I will fire him. Clark is so mad at me about it. I am not going to lose money and have Clark be mad at me just to keep Olivia in Atlanta. I tried to explain to Clark, but he always gets so irrational about Leslie.

August 21: I am in my confinement. It is Wednesday night and Frank has his political meeting. I heard a bird sound and knew Clark was outside. I told Aunt PittyPat I was going to the privy. There he was and he was smiling. He was no longer mad at me. He said he understood about wanting to keep Olivia in Atlanta. He then pushed me against the tree. It was so wonderful. Before he left, he told me he would see me next Wednesday night.

August 28: Clark came by, and he felt the baby move. And me too. Tee Hee.

Sept. 5: Wednesday is my favorite day of the week. Clark is here and Frank is gone. How could I have married that old maid in britches. I know. I know. It was the only way to save Tara. I just want to know how much longer the man is going to live. I told Frank I could no longer have relations until after the baby is born.

Sept. 12: Clark has to go to New Orleans. He has some business he has to take care of. He won't be back for two weeks. I started crying when he left. He, Wade, and Olivia are my only happiness in this world.

Sept 19: No Clark. He is still gone.

Sept 22: Leslie dropped the books off for me to look at. It seems he is doing almost as well as Johnny does. If he keeps up the good work, I will just leave him running that mill. He gets a percentage of the profits so the harder he works the more money he makes. I wish Clark was back. I wish the baby was already born.

Sept 26: Clark is back. We can't be intimate because of how large I am. He can't hold me and the baby up. I told him that Leslie was doing surprisingly well, but unfortunately, they aren't moving out. It is cheaper if they continue living at Hamilton House. Since Olivia owns half of the house she has as much right to live there as I do.

Oct 19: Ella Lorena is born. She has red hair. I guess she is Frank's child.