Jennie
I stare at the email on my laptop. One week. It's been one week since Helen asked me to leave, and every single day I'm still here she stares at me in disappointment. My mere presence is breaking everyone's hearts.
I close my laptop and rise from my seat at the dining table just as Rosé and Helen return from the hospital. Rosé looks annoyed to see me, but at least she looks like she's doing okay. Helen has been accompanying her to the hospital multiple times a week, and it looks like Rosé's treatment plan is working. It's not easy on her, though. I can tell she's truly fighting, and I'm proud of her for it.
"Why are you still here?" she asks, crossing her arms. "I thought Mom asked you to leave Lisa's house. You really make a habit out of intruding where you're not wanted, don't you?"
Her words still pierce my heart, but I guess I've gotten used to it, because the pain is more numbing than it is searing these days. I just nod at her and glance at Helen. She looks as though she doesn't quite know how to face me and walks toward Jaehyun's bedroom instead.
"She did," I tell Rosé. "And you're right."
Rosé frowns, and I sigh. "You're right, Rosé. You've always shared everything with me — every family trip and every holiday, Mother's Day included. You've always made sure your family included me as much as you could, and I started to get used to it. I started to feel like I belong. Like I belong with your family."
I laugh as a tear drops down my cheek. "You're right. I'm just a sad girl that wished for someone else's life. For your life, specifically. You had it all. Loving parents, a sister to be proud of, and that teased you but was still always there for you. You had everything I never had, and I coveted it. I wanted just a bit of what you had. So every time you included me in things and invited me over, I took all I could get. I coveted what was yours, and I coveted you. You were the sister I never had."
I smile to myself as I remember the broken girl I used to be. The lonely nights, the empty dinner table, the condemnation that comes with living in a town as small as ours, and the warmth the Manoban's showed me.
"At first, I just wanted to make sure you'd stay friends with me, so I took on all the chores you didn't want to do. I'd do the dishes and I'd help your mother with the groceries. I did as much as I could to make sure you wouldn't get rid of me, so I wouldn't outgrow my usefulness. Over time, that turned into more, though. I started to enjoy spending time with Helen, and both she and Lisa started to treat me the same way they treated you. I loved it, Rosé. I loved your house and your family. It was in such stark contrast with my own empty and cold house. I craved the love that was so abundant in your family, and I started to think I could have just a little of it if I just tried hard enough. I started to work hard at everything I did so your Mom would praise me, so that she'd want to keep me in your life. The way she treated me made me miss my own mother a bit less. It made me see what it was like to have a Mom, and I wanted more of that. Every decision I've made so far has been because I so badly wanted to belong. To belong with you and your family, and I never even realized that there's no place for me."
Rosé smiles in satisfaction, as though she's happy I'm finally seeing reason.
"I hated cheerleading, but I did it because you asked me to, Rosé. Did you know I was already in love with Lisa by then? I fought my feelings as best as I could because I was terrified of hurting you. I broke both her and my own heart because I loved you more than I loved her."
Rosé huffs in disbelief. "Yeah, you did a great job fighting your feelings," she says. I smile at her sadly and look down at my feet.
"I always wanted to study overseas, you know? But instead I applied to USC, because that's where Lisa and you were going. I worked my ass off to get here, and all the while you'd been wishing I wouldn't be here with you. I wish I'd known."
I fall silent and try my best to keep my tears at bay. I don't want to cry again. I'm done with everything.
"Boohoo, poor Jennie," Rosé says. "Poor Jennie, who has no real family and felt the need to leech off mine. What am I supposed to do with this speech of yours? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Newsflash, Jennie. The one that's hurting is me. The one that's sick is me. Nothing about this situation is about you, but I'm not at all surprised you found a way to make it about you."
I close my eyes and inhale deeply. "You're right," I whisper. "You're right about everything, Rosé. I've been beyond selfish, and I apologize for leeching off your family. I apologize for intruding and overstepping. You win, okay?"
She looks at me with raised brows, and I shake my head sadly. "I'm leaving, Rosé. You won't ever have to see me again. Your mother is right too. You won't get better as long as I'm here. You'll keep blaming me and you'll keep victimizing yourself. I'm done, Rosé. I'm done being your scapegoat. Maybe you're right, and maybe I am to blame. Maybe I did do this to you. It doesn't matter anymore. I'll leave. I'll give you what you need. It's the least I can do in return for everything you and your family have given me over the years. I don't want to be the one that wrecks your happiness. I don't want to be the reason your family falls apart."
I laugh even though my heart is breaking. I can barely even see through the tears that are blurring my vision.
"Besides, you're right. Lisa can do a lot better than me. She's destined for greatness, and I'm just a small-town girl from a broken family that she's grown attached to because I've always been there. You said it won't take her long to realize it, and she'd eventually leave me. I can see now that she and I could never work out. She might think she loves me, but we'll never recover from everything we've been through. I'll always be the girl that destroyed her family's happiness. I'll always be the girl her sister can't stand, the one her mother can't look at without being guilt wrecked. We don't stand a chance."
I bite down on my lip harshly as tear after tear escapes my eyes and Rosé looks at me with wide eyes. "You're actually leaving?" she asks, a hint of concern in her voice. I nod and take a step away from her.
"I'm transferring to a university overseas. I'll have to start all over again, but they're letting me start next month. Like I said, you won't ever have to see me again. You and your family will be free of me. You'll be able to focus on your health and your own happiness from now on. I won't stand in your way ever again. I won't ever reach for something that isn't mine. You win."
Rosé and I both jump when a loud thump sounds through the room. I turn around to find Lisa standing behind me, her gym bag on the floor.
"What did you just say?" she murmurs, her eyes wide and her voice barely above a whisper.
