Lisa
"Don't do this to me, Minx. Please, I'm begging you."
I drop to my knees, barely able to keep my tears at bay. I don't think I've ever cried in Jennie's presence, but my heart feels fucking destroyed.
"Tell me you aren't leaving."
Jennie looks away and pulls her suitcase from underneath our bed. I rise to my feet and watch in disbelief as she starts to pack. I've been trying to convince her for days not to do this. I've begged my parents and Rosé to help me change her mind, but I'm fighting a losing battle.
"No," I shout helplessly, startling her. Without thinking, I grab every item she's packed and throw it all on the floor. I grab Jennie's wrist and pull her toward me, turning us both around until I've got her pressed against the wall.
"Tell me this is some sort of joke. Some sort of scheme. A plan to force Rosé to get better."
Jennie gulps as tears escape her eyes. "It's not," she whispers. I lower my lips to hers and kiss her roughly, hoping that shutting her up might change the inevitable. She kisses me back, and I lift her into my arms. She closes her legs around me, and I pull back to look into her eyes.
"Don't leave me."
Jennie tightens her grip around me. "I have to, Lisa. I can't stay where I'm not wanted. I can't stay when I'm causing so much pain."
I shake my head as a tear drops down my cheek. "No," I whisper. "We'll get through this. Rosé will get better. Things will return to what they used to be."
Jennie smiles sadly and cups my face. "They won't, babe. Rosé is never going to forgive me, and she's never going to want me around. As long as I'm here, she'll use me as an excuse not to get better. I'm tired of taking the blame for everything, Lisa. I love her, but I can't do this anymore. Once I'm gone, she'll be out of excuses. She'll be forced to face her problems."
I know what she's saying is true. I know, deep down, that things will never be the same again between Jennie and my family. I know she isn't to blame at all, but somehow everyone is holding her at least partly responsible because they're unable to face their own failures.
"But what about me? What about us? You said you'd marry me someday, Jennie. Fuck it all. If you want, we can just move out of here for the time being. Hell, I can ask Mom and Dad to take Rosé home. She's barely attending classes, anyway."
Jennie threads her hands through my hair and looks into my eyes. "You know the hospitals at home aren't as good. They aren't equipped to deal with Rosé's problem, and the rumors would be endless. Besides, this isn't a temporary issue, Lisa. You know that as well as I do."
I drop my forehead against hers and inhale deeply. "It's got nothing to do with us, Jennie. We're perfect together. I know you love me as much as I love you, so don't do this."
"Lisa," she whispers. "I can't stay. As long as you and I are together, Rosé will use me as an excuse. She'll use our relationship as ammunition. She's wanted me out of her life for longer than either you or I could even imagine. Your mother asked me to leave too, remember? She'll always see me as the reason Rosé resorted to drugs. She'll always think of me as the reason she let it happen — the reason she neglected Rosé. And Rosé herself… she's made it quite clear how she feels about us, about me. Your dad might not have said much, but his silence speaks volumes. If he didn't agree he would've defended me against Rosé's repeated attacks."
I can't deny what she's saying, because I know it's true. "I can't lose you, Jennie. You mean the world to me. You're everything to me."
Jennie breathes in shakily and presses her lips against mine. "I love you too, Lisa. But sometimes love isn't enough. Your family needs you now, and they need me to go."
I bite down on her lower lip and kiss her. "I'll go with you," I say.
Jennie shakes her head, her eyes filled with tears. "You know you can't. Your entire future is here. You might still get drafted into the NFL, and your company is here. Besides, your family will just think I'm taking you away when they need you most."
"Then we'll do long-distance."
Jennie pulls on my t-shirt and yanks it off. The way she looks at me tears me apart. She's staring at me as though she's trying to memorize every part of me. I don't want to be nothing more than a memory to her. I want to be the person she makes memories with.
"We can't do that, Lisa. We can't be together. There's no future for us. I love you with my heart and soul, but I'm not coming back. I'll always be a reminder of one of the toughest things your family has had to go through, and they'll always at least partially see me as the cause of it. Rosé is always going to hate me. I can't be with you knowing how much sorrow it would bring them, no matter how much I love you. I can't do that to you, because I know how much it would tear you apart. I can't ask you for a future where you're always torn between me and your family. Where every family occasion is filled with bitterness and tension. You deserve more than that."
I carry Jennie to our bed and lay her down . I don't even care that this bedroom is supposed to be my mom's now. My family is taking everything from me. The least they can give me is a couple of hours with my Minx. I kiss her gently, both our hearts breaking. We're both quiet as we undress each other, both of us aware that there's nothing left to say. There's nothing either of us can do to make things better. Jennie is right, the future we might have is filled with bitterness. And even if I want to follow her to London, I can't. Not when my family is falling apart. She's making the choice I don't have the heart to make. She's looking out for my family when that should be my job.
"I love you," I whisper. Jennie pulls me closer and wraps her legs around me. I push into her, part of me irrationally thinking that I might be able to remind her how good things are between us. What she'll be missing out on if she gets on that plane tomorrow.
I take my time making love to my girlfriend, part of me knowing that it's the last time I'll have her like this.
"I love you, Lisa," she whispers, and I kiss her.
"I love you more, Jennie," I reply, meaning every word. I love her so much I could never have made the choice she's making for us, even though I know it's what my family needs me to do. I love her more than anything and everything in the world, but sometimes love just isn't enough.
