Broken
A/N: Hi there! Miss me…? TW for this chapter. It very delicately touches on child loss as I'm sure you could hedge from the last chapter. Do yourself a favor and listen to "Bigger Than The Whole Sky" by Taylor Swift for this chapter.
Chapter 26- The Aftermath
Rachel sat in her room, staring out the window. Her eyes were unfocused as the world outside seemed to blur. The soft clink of glasses in the sink and the hushed whispers of her friends in the living room filtered through the door. The noises felt distant, like echoes from another world. Beside her, Santana sat, gently rubbing her back in silent support. Rachel felt the warmth of her touch, heard the sounds around her, and knew her friends were there for her, but she didn't truly see or connect with any of it. Since her discharge from the hospital a week ago, she had been in a trance with a fog of numbness enveloping her mind and heart. It felt like she was back at square one, as lost and disoriented as when she had first moved to New York. She shut down, retreating into herself, a shell of the vibrant person she had become.
Finn tried to support her, but it was hard for him to see his sister in so much pain. He wanted to help, but he felt helpless, his own emotions a tumultuous mix of worry and sorrow. Noah, was too consumed by his grief to see how much Rachel was suffering. He was lost in his world of pain, unable to reach out and offer the comfort she desperately needed.
How can I miss something I didn't even know I had? Rachel thought to herself. She didn't even realize she had started crying again until Santana handed her a tissue. She remembered the doctor telling her that she might have mood swings. They told her that it was normal if she couldn't control her emotions, but that she would be back to normal again soon. Normal, she scoffed in her mind. I'll never be normal again.
The whole accident was a blur. She tried to focus on the moments leading up to it and the immediate aftermath. One minute she and Santana were laughing, planning for a future Rachel didn't even know she wanted until it was right in front of her. The next minute Santana's car was being T-boned, and she was in pain. There was glass everywhere, blood dripping into her eyes, and a throbbing in her head. She looked over at Santana to see if she was okay. She looked around to see who had hit them. The black SUV was empty, but the driver's side door was open, and she could swear she saw a head of curls disappearing down a side street.
Rachel was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. "How is she?" a voice whispered. She looked up and saw Finn standing in the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets. Her brother, usually a giant in her eyes, looked small right now. His hair was standing on end like he hadn't combed in days, and his clothes crumpled like he hadn't changed. His eyes were haunted, filled with a mixture of fear and sorrow.
She gave a watery grimace. "I'm okay." Rachel roughly wiped her face, desperate to remove the tears she silently shed. She stood and walked over to him, holding her stomach as if to brace herself. "How is Noah?"
Finn shook his head, his expression pained. "He's a mess, Rach. He thought he had lost you. Then to find out that you were alive, but that you were… that you had… that you were going to…" He stumbled over his words, struggling to find the right way to express the depth of Noah's anguish. "He's not doing good. He feels guilty he couldn't protect you. He's upset you're in so much pain and mad at himself because he's wallowing in his hurt instead of being in here with you."
Rachel felt a fresh wave of tears well up in her eyes, but she blinked them away, trying to stay strong. "We're all hurting, Finn," she said. "We're all trying to find our way through this."
Finn nodded, his eyes reflecting a deep sadness. "I wish I could do more for you. For both of you."
Rachel reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You're here, Finn. That's enough. We'll get through this together."
As they stood there, holding onto each other in the quiet of the room, Rachel felt a glimmer of hope. It was faint and fragile, but it was there. They had been through so much, and the road ahead would be difficult, but they had each other. And in the end, that was what mattered most.
Finn pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing the top of her head. "Did you want to come out and eat? Sam brought over takeout from that Indian restaurant you like."
Rachel pulled away slightly, looking up at him with weary eyes. "Yeah. I can do that." She turned to Santana, sitting quietly beside her, "Thank you for staying with me, Santana. It means a lot. And I know it means a lot to Noah too, even if he would never admit it."
Santana smiled softly, nodding her understanding. Rachel extracted herself from her brother's hold and slowly walked into the kitchen. The familiar, comforting smell of Indian spices filled the air. She looked around and saw Sam carefully plating food for everyone, while Pixie sat patiently at his feet, eyes fixed on the spoon in hopes of catching a falling morsel.
"Hey, Sam," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "Thanks for bringing dinner. I appreciate it."
Sam smiled at her like everyone had been smiling at her lately. It was that sad, timid smile you give someone when you feel bad for them but don't want them to know how deeply you pity them. "Of course, Rachel. Anything for you. You know that. Is Puck eating with us?"
Rachel looked around, confused. "Isn't he here? I didn't hear him leave." She turned to Finn and Santana as they entered the kitchen, "Where did Noah go? Why isn't he here?"
Santana shook her head, her expression equally puzzled and concerned. "I don't know, Rach. I don't know where he went. Do you want me to call him for you?"
Rachel sniffled, feeling her throat tighten as she fought back tears. "Where is he? Why isn't he here with me?" She touched the necklace Noah's parents had given her months ago, the one that had become her constant reminder of his presence. "Why does he do this, Santana? Every time something gets hard, he runs away." She took her plate, the aroma of her favorite dishes now doing nothing to soothe her. Rachel hurried to her bedroom, closing the door before the dam broke.
She set the food on her dresser and buried her face in the pillows on her bed. The sobs came hard and fast, shaking her small frame. She clung to the pillow as if it could somehow absorb her grief, her frustration, and her overwhelming sense of abandonment. The weight of everything pressed down on her, making it hard to breathe.
Moments later, a soft knock echoed through her room. She didn't respond, but the door creaked open anyway. Santana entered quietly, her presence a comforting anchor. She sat on the edge of the bed and placed a gentle hand on Rachel's back.
"It's going to be okay, Rach. We're all here for you," Santana whispered, her voice steady and soothing.
Rachel turned her tear-streaked face towards Santana, her eyes filled with a mix of pain and gratitude. "Why can't he be here for me too?" she choked between sobs.
Santana sighed, brushing a strand of hair away from Rachel's face. "Noah's dealing with his pain in the only way he knows how. But he loves you, Rachel. Don't doubt that."
Rachel nodded, trying to absorb Santana's words. She knew Santana was right, but it didn't make the hurt any less. She reached for Santana's hand, holding on tightly as if afraid to let go.
"We'll get through this, Rach," Santana said softly. "One day at a time, we'll get through this together."
Rachel took a deep, shuddering breath, the weight on her chest lifting just a little. She nodded again, more firmly this time. "One day at a time," she echoed, her voice stronger.
Santana smiled, squeezing her hand. "That's right. Now, let's try to eat something. You need your strength."
Rachel managed a small, grateful smile. With Santana by her side, she felt a glimmer of hope. It was fragile, but it was there. And for now, that was enough. She managed to eat a few bites of her food before an overwhelming sensation of nausea overcame her. She shoved away from her friend and rushed into the bathroom, her hand over her mouth. As Rachel knelt in front of the toilet, she felt gentle hands rub her back and hold back her hair. "It's okay, Rach," she heard Santana whisper. "Just let it out."
...*** ...***
Across town, Noah sat in the apartment he and Rachel had moved into and then out of so quickly. His parents weren't thrilled to pay rent for an apartment that wasn't occupied, but they understood. They knew he loved Rachel, and they loved Rachel. Her safety was most important right now. He sat on the couch, nursing a scotch on the rocks and staring blankly ahead. He ignored the incessant buzzing of his phone. He had glanced at it on his walk over here and saw the same names over and over. Sam, Finn, Santana, Finn, Santana, Sam, Sam, Santana, Finn. Not once did Rachel try to reach him, he bitterly thought. He knew that she was consumed by her grief. He knew he should be focusing on her. But he couldn't. Every time he looked at her, all he could think of was how they almost had it all. Everything he never knew he wanted. He had it for a split second before it was taken from him.
He swirled the amber liquid in his glass, staring at the way the ice clinked against the sides. The memory of that afternoon played on an endless loop in his mind. The moment he saw the blood, felt panic clawing at his chest and heard the sirens wailing in the distance. And then Rachel repeated the doctor's words. The words sounded cold and clinical, delivering the news that shattered his world.
Noah took another sip of his drink, the burn in his throat a temporary distraction from the ache in his heart. He knew he should be with Rachel, holding her, comforting her, but every time he tried, the weight of his guilt and grief dragged him down. He felt like he was drowning, and no matter how hard he fought to stay afloat, the current kept pulling him under.
He picked up his phone again, staring at the missed calls and messages. Sam, Finn, Santana. He knew they were worried about him, but he couldn't bring himself to respond. He felt like a ghost, wandering through the remnants of a life that had been ripped away from him.
With a heavy sigh, Noah stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the city lights. The view was the same as it had always been, but it felt different now. Empty. Meaningless. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the cool glass, trying to find some semblance of peace.
Rachel needs you, he reminded himself. She's hurting too.
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, a new determination settling over him. He couldn't change the past, couldn't undo what had happened, but he could be there for her now. He could try to mend the pieces of their shattered lives.
Noah set his drink down and grabbed his jacket, heading for the door. As he stepped out into the hallway, he felt a flicker of hope, a tiny spark of resolve. He didn't know if they could ever fully heal, but he was willing to try. For Rachel. For both of them.
Back in Finn and Rachel's apartment, the night was quieting down. Santana stayed close by, ever the watchful guardian, as Rachel tried to settle back into a semblance of normalcy. She sat on the edge of her bed, the silence between her and Santana a comforting presence.
The sound of the front door opening broke the quiet. Rachel looked up, her heart skipping a beat. She knew who it was before she saw him. Noah walked in, his expression a mix of sorrow and determination. He paused in the doorway, meeting Rachel's eyes. For a moment, they looked at each other, the weight of their shared grief hanging in the air.
Then Noah crossed the room in a few quick strides and pulled Rachel into his arms. She clung to him, her tears soaking into his shirt, but for the first time, she felt like she wasn't crying alone. Noah held her tightly, his tears mingling with hers.
"We'll get through this," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion. "I promise."
Rachel nodded against his chest, her grip on him tightening. "Together," she whispered back, finding strength in his presence.
Santana watched them, a small, sad smile on her face. She knew the road ahead would be long and difficult, but seeing them together, she felt a glimmer of hope. They had each other, and that was a start.
As the night wore on, the city outside continued its restless hum, but inside Rachel's room, there was a sense of calm. They were broken, yes, but they were together. And in that moment, it was enough.
A/N: Remember, this story has been planned for years…there will be a HEA, but with a few bumps in the road.
