A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry for my long absence. Work has kept me extremely busy. I want to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews. I'm so glad you guys love my story as much as I love writing it. I'll try not to take as long to update. Here's Part XI. Please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders, sadly.
I Need You
Part XI
Ponyboy
He's alive. Darry's alive and he still loves me
I clutch tightly onto my brothers. Tears still fall down my face, but for the first time in a long time, they are happy ones. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Despite everything that has happened I still have both of my brothers. I don't want to let go of them again in case all of this is just a wonderful dream.
Eventually, I lessen my tight grip on my brothers when I notice that Darry's breathing is heavy. It's as if he just finished a long endurance run. I'm hurting him. I let go and pull back. Darry rests his head against the pillow, closing his eyes. His arms resume their position by his side. His face has gone awfully white. My stomach clenches. I must've been gripping him too hard.
Sodapop hits the button on the remote next to Darry's bed to alert the doctor that our brother has woken up. Then we settle in the chairs next to him. Darry's eyes remain closed.
"A-are you all right?" I ask my oldest brother nervously.
"I'm fine, Pony, don't worry," he answers hoarsely. "I'm just tired and a little sore." After a long minute, he opens his eyes halfway. "How long was I asleep?"
"About a day," Sodapop answers. "The blade went through your heart. The doctor says you're lucky to be alive at all."
"That doesn't matter. All that matters is Ponyboy is safe."
"How did you know where I was?" I ask. "I thought you were at work."
Darry is quiet for a moment as he gathers the strength to speak again. "I worked half a day. I went to the store to get some groceries. I was going to do something special for you both to make up for the way I've been acting lately. I saw you go into the vacant lot, so I followed you… just in case." I flinch-not from the stern look that he is suddenly giving me, but the fact that his voice keeps going in and out. "The better question is: why were you meeting those Socs by yourself, Ponyboy?"
I look at my hands. The guilt is weighing heavily on my chest. Even though Darry's wavering tone is more out of concern instead of scolding like it would normally be, I feel ashamed all over again. I'm once again reminded that I was the one who caused this whole mess. In a low voice, I tell my brothers everything. Eventually, the tears stop falling down my face, but the pain in my stomach is increasing rapidly with each passing second.
"…then on Saturday Bob called the house and said he had Johnny. H-he said that if I didn't come alone, he'd kill him. It was all a ruse to lure me. I-I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry that I didn't say nothin' sooner. I'm sorry I caused this whole mess."
"That's why you came to the bar. You needed me to protect you," Darry says regretfully. "And I turned you away." I nod. He sighs and looks us both in the eye. "I owe you an apology. Both of you. I've been so selfish lately. I've been focusing all my energy on my own feelings that I haven't been the brother you both need. I promise once I get out of here, and everything goes back to normal I'll be the older brother you both deserve."
A small silence passes between us. Then Soda breaks it, speaking for the first time. "I'll only forgive you if you promise to not hold in your emotions all the time. What you were doing to hide your pain was dangerous. You could've really hurt yourself."
"I know. I promise."
Darry starts telling us that he quit his third job, but I tune him out. Suddenly everything starts making sense. The throbbing in my stomach is worse than ever. I feel as though the organ has been twisted like a pretzel. I'm going to be sick. The guilt I'm feeling is stronger than ever. The truth is worse than I can possibly imagine. Not only did I almost cause my brother's death, but I'm the reason he got that third job; the reason why he pushed himself so hard. Because I hurt him. Sodapop's words from an hour ago ring in my head suddenly.
You're the doctor who took care of him when he fell off the roof.
My eyes are burning again, but for once I force the tears back. I don't want Darry or Sodapop to know that I'm getting upset. I swallow hard several times to keep the sobs from coming. Breathing is becoming difficult with each passing second.
"Pony?" Darry asks. His blue eyes are full of growing concern. "Are you okay?"
I'm spared answering when we hear a knock on the door.
*Knock Knock*
Dr. Reynolds is back, the black-haired nurse beside him. He grins when he sees our older brother. "Well, if it isn't the miracle patient. I now see why your friends call you Superman. Welcome back, Darrel."
Darry's face lights up in recognition. "It's good to see you again, Dr. Reynolds-sort of. You too, Nurse Anne."
The doctor doesn't look affronted by his comment. "How are you feeling?"
Darry glances at me and Sodapop. A big grin spreads across his face and reaches his eyes. "I've never been better."
Just like an hour ago Sodapop and I move back so that the doctor can check our brother's vital signs. Dr. Reynolds listens to Darry's heart with his stethoscope while Nurse Anne applies a pressure cuff on Darry's arm. I notice Darry grin at the nurse. She smiles back, a blush forming on her cheeks.
"Take a deep breath," Dr. Reynolds instructs, placing his stethoscope on our brother's chest.
Darry complies. His breathing is anything but normal, putting me on edge. It comes out as a cringy, wheezy sound. It's as if he's suffering from asthma. It nearly kills me seeing how much it hurts my brother just to breathe. The doctor moves his stethoscope to different parts of Darry's chest.
Dr. Reynolds pulls off the stethoscope a few minutes later. "Your heartbeat is still strong. On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"
Darry hesitates for a second. He looks at Sodapop and me. It's obvious he's trying to hide how much he's hurting, despite the promise he just made to Sodapop seconds ago. "About an eight," He says after a moment. He looks at the doctor worriedly. "My hands and feet keep going numb."
"That's to be expected. The blade penetrated the myocardium part of the heart. The blood is struggling to flow to those extremities. The feeling will return to normal as you heal. In the meantime, I don't want you sitting up quite yet. If you do, you will probably pass out."
"How long do I have to be in the hospital?"
"I plan to keep you here for at least a couple of days-possibly a week. I want to make sure everything heals up properly and you don't catch an infection."
Darry sighs, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Worry lines appear on his forehead. I know he's thinking about the bills.
Dr. Reynolds changes the subject. "Your friends are in the waiting room. They've been here all night waiting for you to wake up. Do you want more company?"
Darry looks at him in surprise. "Sure."
"I'll go get them," I say quickly. The sooner I get out of this hospital room, the easier it will be for me to breathe again. I can't stand watching my brother suffering any longer. I need to get out of here and get some air before I hyperventilate. I am almost at the door when Darry calls me back.
"Ponyboy…."
"I'll be right back."
Just like Dr. Reynolds said, I find my friends still in the hospital waiting room ten minutes later. Two-Bit is standing by the receptionist's desk flirting with the nurse. Dally and Steve are seated by the automatic doors playing a game of cards with Johnny watching them. They all stop what they are doing when they see me enter the room.
Two-Bit bounces over to me, a broad grin on his face. "Ponyboy! Cherry told us that Darry woke up. You must be happier than a-." His smile fades immediately once he looks me in the face. "What's wrong? Is Darry all right?"
I force my expression blank, something Darry does regularly. "He's fine. Y'all can go see him now. Room 220." I head towards the exit doors quickly.
"Pony, where are you goin?"
"To have a cigarette. Tell Darry and Soda I'll be right back." Then as quickly as I can I exit the hospital doors and into the cool air.
Stepping outside the hospital and into the fresh air turns out to be exactly what I need. I didn't realize how stuffy the hospital was until I feel the cool, yet refreshing air on my face. It seems fall has finally arrived in Tulsa-albeit a month late.
I settle on a bench outside the hospital, next to a green metal trash can. The minute I sit down I realize that I forgot to grab the pack of cigarettes that was sitting on the table. Damn. I really could use one right now to steady my nerves. I'm still feeling jittery, and my stomach is tied up in knots.
Silently I watch people go and enter the hospital: a middle-aged woman with red hair passes by me clutching onto a vase with yellow flowers, which matches her dress; an elderly couple leaving the hospital doors and slowly walking towards the parking lot. Are they visiting someone they love too? A friend? A parent? A brother?
A young family suddenly comes to the hospital entrance. A young man with two little boys-one on each side. One of the little boys looks to be around six years old with dark hair, like Darry's. The other little boy looks a little younger with wheat-blonde hair. I grin, thinking about the picture in the photo album. Are they coming to meet their baby brother too?
I let out a shuddering breath as Darry enters my mind again. My oldest brother has been big and strong for as long as I can remember. He's always the first person I'd pick to be on my side when we'd play any sport; the first person I'd go to when I needed protection. He could handle anything. He's our Superman. Seeing him now lying in a hospital bed, weak as a kitten, nearly kills me. Even though Darry will recover from his injury how can I possibly forgive myself for causing them? How can Darry and Soda still love me after all that I've done?
I feel someone sit beside me on the bench. Sodapop must've come out to find me. For once I'd rather be alone. "I'm fine," I mutter. "I just need a moment."
A dark-skinned hand appears in my line of vision. A cigarette is resting in its palm. I look into Johnny's concerned face. I smile gratefully at my buddy and take the cigarette. "Thanks."
I light the cigarette with Johnny's lighter. My body immediately relaxes as the familiar nicotine hits my system. I close my eyes and lean back against the bench.
"Are you all right?" Johnny asks softly.
I sigh wearily, blowing out some smoke. "You have no idea how happy I am that Darry woke up. B-but I just can't stand seeing him like this. H-he can barely keep his eyes open, his voice is weak, and it hurts him just to breathe. The doctor won't even let him sit up yet until he gets his strength back. T-that ain't Darry. Darry's supposed to be big and strong. He's our Superman."
I let out a shuddering breath. My eyes are burning, but for once I force the tears back. I'm so sick of crying. "The worst part is, it's my fault, Johnny. All of it- even if Darry said he's also to blame. And I ain't just talkin' about Darry gettin' stabbed. The reason Darry got that third job and pushed himself so hard was b-because I had hurt him. H-he was hiding his pain.
When I came home after we walked to the park D-Darry tried to apologize, but I wouldn't let him. Even worse, I said h-horrible things about him to Sodapop. I-I had no idea Darry was listenin'." A sob escapes me as I think about the dark circles under my brother's eyes; the exhausted look on his face day after day; his hand shaking as he struggled to hold his razor while shaving. And worst of all. "B-Because of me Darry fell off the roof and ended up in the hospital." Unwilling tears start falling again as I think about Sodapop. "Even worse, I ended up hurtin' Sodapop too by not tellin' him about Bob. I-I really am a terrible brother."
"No," Johnny says gently, putting an arm around my shoulder. "You ain't a terrible brother. Darry's right. You both made mistakes and hurt each other. Now that you know that Darry cares about you and is gonna be okay you guys can move forward and fix your relationship."
"How can I do that?"
"Learn from your mistakes and move on. Be there for Darry and Sodapop. Darry especially needs you right now. Be there for them and your bond with them will heal."
I look at my buddy, wiping my eyes. For someone so young he is awfully wise. He's right. Now that I know that Darry loves me it's my turn; my turn to take care of him and show him that I love him back. It's time I act like the little brother I'm supposed to be.
I stand up, put out my cigarette, and discard it on the ashtray on the side of the green trashcan beside me. "Come on. Let's go see how he's doin'"
Together we enter the hospital, ready to join the others.
Darry
My eyes remain on the open door, even though Ponyboy is long gone. I have never seen him bolt out of the room so fast-not counting after I hit him. I bite my lip. I've only been awake for an hour, and I've already upset my brother. I must've been too hard on him when I asked him about why he met the Socs in the vacant lot. What a great start to our relationship.
Sodapop must've noticed the distress on my face. "He's been through a lot. After all, he watched you almost die. He'll be fine once the fact that you're alive sinks in."
"It's a good thing your brother was there," Dr. Reynolds remarks, making notes on his clipboard as he looks at the machines I'm connected to. "If he hadn't kept pressure on your wound and slowed down the bleeding, you would've bled out in less than ten minutes." I stare at the doctor in shock. Ponyboy saved me? "I'll have Nurse Anne give you some medicine for the pain. It'll help you sleep. I'll check on you tomorrow." He leaves the room.
The pretty nurse beside me injects something into the IV connected to my arm. I can taste metal and feel a burning sensation everywhere. I keep thinking about Ponyboy. I want to believe that Sodapop is right and Ponyboy is just trying to calm down, but I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that there is something else bothering him. I want so badly to get out of this bed and go check on him. I can't. The thought of trying to sit up makes my body ache.
"There he is!" a cheerful voice says. Two-Bit enters, wearing an orange Mickey Mouse sleeveless shirt. A broad grin is on his face. Dally and Steve are right behind him. Dally looks like he has been sleeping in his clothes for a week, and a blonde stubble is starting to grow on his chin. Steve's not wearing his DX uniform for once, but a dark gray button shirt with the sleeves cut off. All three of them have dark circles under their eyes as if they've been up all night. Two-Bit grins at me happily. "Welcome back, Superman!"
I return his grin. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be grateful to see Two-Bit's cheesy smile. I chuckle softly. "Hey guys."
"How are you feelin'? Steve asks in concern. "We were all awfully worried about you."
My grin widens. I'm not really close with anyone in the gang, but it feels so good to know that they care that much about my well-being after what I did to Ponyboy. "I'm all right. Just a little sore."
"You sure showed those Socs who's boss," Dally says proudly. "I heard Bob's gonna have a cast for at least six months. And his black eyes are just beautiful!"
"Good," I mutter darkly. "He deserves it for trying to hurt Ponyboy."
Dally starts telling me about the rumble they're planning once I'm better, but I have a hard time focusing. The medicine the nurse gave me is starting to kick in, making me feel drowsy. I force my eyes to stay open until Ponyboy comes back. Where is he? I suddenly notice that Johnny isn't here either. I let out a breath of relief. At least Ponyboy isn't alone.
"So how long are they keepin' you in here?" Steve asks, breaking into my thoughts.
"A few days…maybe a week," I answer shortly.
"He'll finally catch up on all the sleep he's missed out on," Sodapop says in a chipper tone, hitting my shoulder lightly.
"Mmm," I mumble. Sleep sounds so good right now.
"If you start getting' bored in here, just call on good ole Two-Bit," Two-Bit says, wiggling his eyebrows. "There are plenty of pranks I can pull in here to keep ya entertained."
I groan. That kid is never going to grow up. My eyes droop and I feel my body starting to relax. Sleep is going to take me any second.
"Two-Bit, don' get Darry all worked up," Ponyboy says in annoyance. He's standing in the doorway, Johnny right behind him. I feel better seeing my little brother. He looks a lot calmer than he did before. "He needs his rest."
The gang moves aside so that Ponyboy can approach my bedside. I can smell cigarettes on his breath. Sodapop's right. He just needed a smoke. I grin, seeing my baby brother. "Good to see you, kid," I mumble sleepily.
I feel a blanket suddenly cover me from head to toe. It instantly warms my hands and feet, which still tingle with numbness.
"Go to sleep," Ponyboy says gently. I can feel him stroke my hair as if he's the older brother. My body instantly relaxes. "Everythin's gonna be okay."
I close my eyes, ready to catch up on all the sleep I've missed. It doesn't take long before I drift away into a dreamless slumber.
When I wake up again, the windows are dark and the lights in my room are dimmed. My eyelids are heavy from sleep and the effects of the medication. My stomach keeps moving around like angry waves in the ocean. The room is quiet, except for the annoying beeping sound of the heart monitor beside me. It must be really late, and my brothers are asleep.
I turn my head to the side to see where they are. That turns out to be a big mistake. The world is starting to spin, like I'm on a nauseating Tilt-a-Whirl ride at the carnival. The bile is rising to my throat fast. I'm going to be sick. I struggle to get to an upright position, but it's nearly impossible. My entire body is throbbing. My chest in particular is excruciating. I attempt to get my breathing under control and keep the vomit down at the same time.
A quick movement appears in my line of vision. "Darry?" one of my brothers asks. The voice sounds so far away I'm not sure which one it is. "What's wrong?"
"He's sweatin' pretty bad," another panicked voice says. The tone is much younger. That must be Ponyboy. "And he's awfully green."
"I feel sick," I mumble, desperately trying to keep the vomit down. I'm quickly losing the battle. I roll over and attempt to lift myself up so that I can vomit over the side of the bed. All I manage to do is make the dizziness worse. I wish the world would stop spinning. My arms tremble just trying to hold myself up. My chest feels as though multiple knives have been put straight through me.
A trash can is placed under my face just in time. I heave and retch as my stomach empties its contents. My throat feels raw and burns. It tastes horribly of acid and iron.
I feel a hand gently rub my sweaty back. "It's okay," Sodapop says soothingly. "We're here."
"Soda…" Ponyboy says in panic. I'm vaguely aware that my baby brother is in front of me holding the trash can. "He's vomiting up blood."
"I'll alert the nurse," Sodapop says.
"N-no.." I stutter as the panic starts to seep in. "Don' leave me."
Sodapop continues to rub my back. "We ain't goin' nowhere."
Eventually, I run out of things to vomit. The room won't stop spinning. My right hand, which is supporting my weight to a somewhat upright position is starting to go numb, the tingling running up and down my body. Ponyboy and Sodapop each take an arm and gently lower me back on the bed. I breathe heavily as my head hits the pillow. I feel someone wipe my mouth, but I barely notice. The pain all over is starting to get worse. It's a fight just to remain conscious.
"Easy," Sodapop says gently. He's starting to sound far away again, but I can still feel him stroking my hair, just like Ponyboy did earlier. The touch is soothing. "Try to relax."
Despite my brother's comforting to words breathing is becoming more difficult. I am starting to feel really cold.
"He's getting' worse," Ponyboy says in utter panic, gripping tightly onto my hand. "Where's the nurse?!"
"I'm feelin' better," I mumble. "Goin' back to sleep now."
"No, you can't go back to sleep," Sodapop says sternly, with a hint of panic. "You gotta wait for the nurse."
I want to reassure my brothers that I'll be fine, but the only strength I have left is to close my eyes as sleep takes over once more...
To be continued...
