REI

The afternoon certainly hadn't gone as planned. The alcohol was starting to wear off and her head was starting to hurt.

Rei pinched the bridge of her nose and pressed her thumb and pointer finger against the corners of her eyes to soothe the tension.

Minako was moping.

Rei couldn't see her, but she could practically feel the waves of despair emanating from the shower floor.

They were finally back at their dorm and Minako had been nearly inconsolable, demanding that Rei sit in the bathroom while she showered to make sure she didn't die. And by shower, she had actually meant sit on the floor of the shower and pout.

For her part, Rei sat with her back against the frosted panels, a towel tucked between her lower back and the cool glass. She truly didn't understand how things had ended up like this.

After Minako's incident, Rei had tried her best to open the stall door and wave down one of her teammates who were taking care of the other girl who had vomited. Luckily, or unluckily, they'd heard the commotion and one of them was already outside of the stall.

"I'll run and grab the captains," she'd said, holding a cup of water out to Rei, "You should drink this, though. Don't need any more of you puking in here."

Rei had waved her off. "I'll be fine for now."

She'd crouched down next to Minako and gathered what she could of her hair behind her. Somehow, Minako's long mane of hair had been spared from her misfortune, but Rei felt it was the least she could do since they were still tied together and the poor girl wasn't thriving even a little bit.

When Vi and Natsuna had finally arrived, they regarded Minako with equal looks of pity and amusement. Vi was particularly amused.

"Not to rub it in your face, but this definitely counts as a win for us," Vi had said, hopping up to sit on the sink counter.

Natsuna shot her a glare. "Not the time, Violet," she said, and knelt down next to Rei to untie them.

She'd patted Minako on the back soothingly. "V, honey, are you alright?" she'd asked, sounding like a concerned mother.

Minako nodded weakly. "Sympathy puker," she'd croaked pathetically.

Eventually, Minako had been well enough to stand. She'd hobbled toward the sink, washing her hands and giving her mouth a quick rinse.

Her poor teammate was still hunched over her own toilet, not puking, but also not thriving.

"I'll walk you home," Natsuna had said once they were out of the bathroom, "Just give me a minute to check in with the others."

Minako had shaken her head, weaving her arm through Rei's and Rei took that as her queue to say something.

"It's okay," she'd assured the volleyball captain, "I'm her roommate."

"I'll be fine, Nats," Minako had added.

Natsuna had narrowed her eyes at them, staring at Minako before looking Rei up and down. She'd seemed to consider it before Vi had chimed in.

"I can have Cait drive them home, she just got here."

Rei and Minako had been ushered out the door by the two captains, with Natsuna making Minako promise to text her as proof of life.

Vi had stood on the curb with them, waiting by a black sedan until a tall woman with dark blue hair wandered out the door and made her way toward them.

"Are these the girls?" she'd asked in a British accent that Rei couldn't quite place.

The two of them piled into the backseat of the sedan and Vi had leaned down to kiss the other woman through the driver side window.

"Thanks, babe, see you in a few." Vi had given her a wink and angled her head toward the backseat. "Great work, Hino, make sure you hydrate."

The drive home had been short, but Rei was grateful she hadn't had to lug Minako's drunk ass down the street. She'd given the blue-haired woman a quick thanks before dragging Minako out of the car and through the building door.

"Rei, I think I'm dying," Minako whined dramatically, the water continuing to cascade around her.

Rei sighed. This had been the last 22 minutes of her life. The bathroom was starting to grow uncomfortably warm from all the steam of Minako's shower.

"You'll be fine," she said, trying to hide the impatience in her voice.

Her head was starting to throb and she really didn't need the pain to compound her already complicated feelings.

She'd kissed Minako. She'd kissed Minako. Not only that, but she'd pushed her up against the wall and considered doing far more than just kissing her before they'd been unceremoniously interrupted.

She thought maybe she could blame it on the alcohol, but the chaos that followed and the time since then had significantly sobered her up, and Rei could no longer use that as her excuse. She still wanted to kiss Minako.

Well…maybe after she brushed her teeth.

Rei shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. This couldn't happen, whatever this was. It didn't matter what it felt like, this was nothing. It had to be nothing.

She didn't need the distraction, or the complications that could come of it. Relationships, flings, weird situationships, it didn't matter what they were called, they were all leveraged just the same. Just stories and headlines for someone to dig up for no reason other than her name.

Rei didn't need the headaches that came with it all. She didn't want the attention or the eyes of the public that felt entitled to the details of her private life.

Being a sports figure was one thing. In soccer, people looked to her for her achievements on the field, they talked about the plays she made and they cared that she showed up ready to compete.

She already had a hard enough time knowing that people wanted to see more of her, that children might look up to her as some sort of goal. But the political drama wasn't something she wanted to deal with.

Everything in her father's world came with an angle, a purpose. Every photo she took was over analyzed and suddenly an introspection on her father's support for policies and movements. Her presence became a statement, her words became truths, and her actions were declarations. It didn't matter what she actually wanted or intended, what mattered is what people made of it.

Where others saw loneliness, Rei found solitude and solace. If she left well enough alone, they could never take a part of her she wasn't willing to give.

She'd been down that road before, a foolish girl who thought no one had their eyes on her, waiting for cracks to form in her carefully tailored facade.

Only one person had ever understood her, had felt the things she felt, and given her the space to just be. But that was long in the past, the soft romance of children who had nowhere else to turn.

Rei closed her eyes and let her head rest against the glass. Steam clung to her skin as she concentrated on the uneven sounds of the water falling to the floor.

"This was a mistake," she finally said, eyes still closed.

Rustling and quiet splashes from the other side.

"What?" Minako sounded groggy, as if she were half asleep.

"This," Rei gestured half-heartedly between them even Minako couldn't even see her clearly through the class, "Us. Whatever that was."

She heard Minako scrambling to stand, grunting with the effort. Without stopping the water, Minako slid the glass door open, nearly causing Rei to fall back into the shower.

She opened her eyes, but narrowed them as droplets of water hit the top of her forehead.

Minako loomed over her, hair dripping wet, naked as the day she was born.

Despite her own feelings, the image of her like that would be burned in her mind til the day she died.

Minako hadn't made it fully to her feet, she was kneeling over Rei, her long curtain of hair cascading around them. Even upside down, she was a sight to behold. She seemed uncharacteristically solemn, her eyes searching Rei's face.

Rei couldn't tell what she was looking for.

After some time, Minako spoke, "Is that what you want?" Her voice was soft and there was a sadness behind it that Rei couldn't quite place.

Rei's neck was starting to hurt from leaning backward for so long without support.

Minako continued to stare into her, and Rei felt like she was the one who was truly naked. This close to each other in this space, it was like Minako could read straight into her soul.

"It doesn't matter what I want," Rei whispered quietly, closing her eyes again for fear of her reflection in those deep cerulean pools.

Minako pressed their foreheads together, her bangs tickling Rei's nose and brushing over her eyes. "What do you want, Rei?"

She didn't answer. In truth, she couldn't answer the question. Things like wants and desires didn't exist for her.

Rei had goals, discipline, and solitude. Those things had never existed within a framework of her own desires. From a young age, the only things in her life had been the farm, soccer, and politics.

The farm had been the only place where any version of her was allowed to exist. She could wander the property, work in the fields, or disappear into the barn. Her grandfather had understood her need for isolation, waited patiently for her to return and had her favorite foods ready for her when she did.

Soccer was the only thing she had left of her mother and their family before she fell ill. Before her father became distant and traded his family for politics.

Her mother had stood with her in the fields as she ran around barefoot, kicking a ball around. If she concentrated hard enough, she could still hear her laugh singing through the trees, warning her to not track mud into the kitchen or her grandfather wouldn't give either of them dessert.

She could barely remember the warmth of her hugs, but she imagined it felt like the dawn trickling in over the lavender fields in the morning, guiding her throughout her day.

Politics was the world her father forced her into, parading Rei around after her mother's death to show 'the family's strength' after he himself hadn't made time to visit her in the hospital. It was cold, cruel, and everyone was always looking to take something from her that wasn't theirs to begin with.

She was the perfect daughter, successful and disciplined. She shook the hands that stretched before her and returned the soulless smiles as expected of her. She was good at soccer because soccer was all she'd known and all she had. She practiced every day because she was disciplined and discipline led to perfection.

None of that had anything to do with what she wanted, they were just facts about her life.

The first time she had wanted something, the gods had answered with cruelty. The second time she'd been made the fool. The third time hadn't been so much of a want as an inevitability, a connection she had always known. But that, too, was never destined to be anything than what it was: a moment.

Now, this woman was asking her what she wanted and she didn't know if there were parts of her left that truly understood what that meant.

The woman before her was not the same sultry Minako who was quick to whisper innuendos in her ear and faster still to ogle over her. No, this woman right now was everything that Rei feared most.

She wasn't radiating charisma and charm, she wasn't looking her up and down like she was a snack to devour, she wasn't laughing airily and blinking prettily. The Minako she faced right now was serious and earnest, quiet as she waited for a response.

"The water's getting cold," she stated, still unwilling to open her eyes.

Minako sighed and withdrew, sloshing toward the faucet.

Head throbbing, Rei saw her window to escape and took it. The bathroom door clicked behind her before the shower had even turned off.

A/N: I post a lot at 4:00 am, so there's usually some glaring errors I have to go back and fix. AO3 is definitely getting the most chaotic version of this story (but they also have like 21 chapters soooo).