When The Lord Closes A Door
Chapter 17
No one got much sleep that night.
Georg had held onto Maria tightly for about 30 seconds after Elsa's death before he'd let her go. As he pulled away from her, Maria watched him swallow hard and take a deep breath and it was almost like watching a mask falling across his face as his expression changed from grief-stricken to completely and utterly composed.
Then, all of a sudden he switched into Captain-mode: speaking in serious and solemn tones to the doctor to make arrangements for the removal of Elsa's body before turning to Frau Schmidt and Franz to discuss details of informing the remainder of the staff in the morning about the death of the Baroness and what was to follow afterwards in the days coming. Maria stood off to the side as Georg was involved in his various discussions, completely forgotten.
Finally, as Georg left the room with Dr Strauss, Frau Schmidt turned to Maria and beckoned her out of the room. "My dear, isn't this the most dreadful situation? The Baroness, as much as I didn't particularly think she was a good match for the Captain…" the older woman shook her head sadly. "It has been particularly distressing seeing her become so ill so quickly, but for the Captain to lose a second wife in such a short amount of time… I have no words." Frau Schmidt looked incredibly upset and she pulled a handkerchief out of the sleeve of her dress and drabbed it to her eyes. Maria had long before wiped her own tears away.
Maria reached out and took the older woman's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know, Frau Schmidt. The Captain and the children will need all of our support."
Frau Schmidt gave Maria a thankful smile. "My dear, I know the children, at least, will be pleased that you're here, although I still have no idea why you're here. I was under the impression that you were working as a governess for another family in Salzburg."
"I am, or should I say, I was…" Maria paused as the emotion of saying goodbye earlier that night to the family she'd worked for and lived with for the past year flooded over her again. "There has been a change in situation, and the Captain was kind enough to offer for me to stay here for tonight, or at least until I'm able to find another position."
Frau Schmidt bobbed her head up and down knowingly and gave Maria's hand a little pat. "I'm sure both the Captain and the children would be pleased for you to stay indefinitely. The children really missed you as their governess and I'm sure they would be thrilled to have you back permanently."
Maria knew what the older woman was suggesting and without her knowing the complex and complicated relationship Maria had with Georg, it was no wonder that it seemed obvious to Frau Schmidt that Maria would just dutifully step back into her old role, but Maria knew that she couldn't do that. Yet, now that the Baroness had just passed, Maria was sure that the children would need her more now than ever, so she didn't want to disappear from their lives just yet. She sighed. Once again, she had been plunged into a situation that she didn't know how to get out of.
Maria forced a smile. "We'll see, Frau Schmidt."
Frau Schmidt nodded. "Well, my dear, there's nothing more you can do tonight. Please, let me show you to your room. I've placed your bag in there already."
Maria nodded and dutifully followed Frau Schmidt to the guest room and the older woman bustled around the room for a few minutes making sure Maria was settled before she left Maria alone.
Maria tried to sleep – by that stage it was almost 3am, yet she couldn't. Fitfully she tossed and turned: visions of the dying Baroness were still seared into her mind and words from her conversation with the woman repeated over and over her the brain as she felt haunted by their final encounter.
Finally, just after dawn, Maria had had enough of trying to sleep and got up out of bed. She splashed water on her face and looked at her red, blood shot eyes in the mirror as she tried to make herself presentable. She then made her way downstairs to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea before facing the day.
The entire staff team were assembled in the kitchen as Maria arrived with Frau Schmidt delivering the sombre news of the Baroness's death during the night to them all. Maria stood hovering at the doorway out the way as Frau Schmidt then gave them all instructions from the Captain of what their roles were over the coming days. Finally, the various maids, servants and groundsmen vacated the kitchen leaving Maria and Frau Schmidt alone.
"Did you sleep at all?" Frau Schmidt asked Maria gently at seeing her very weary appearance. Maria shook her head. Frau Schmidt bobbed her head faintly in agreement. "Neither did I. However, the Captain will expect that the house is run as per usual, which means the children will need to be woken soon, then told of the sad news. Fraulein, may I ask…?"
Maria opened her mouth in disbelief. She couldn't believe her ears at being asked to do something that Georg should have been doing himself. "Shouldn't Geo-," Maria quickly corrected herself, "er, the Captain tell the children himself?"
Frau Schmidt rolled her eyes, pursed her lips in displeasure and huffed. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? Yet he's already left for the day. Gone into town to make arrangements for the funeral, if I'm to understand correctly. Please Fraulein Maria, the children love and trust you. It would come better from you than from me."
Maria was about to protest, yet, she could see that through all of this, she had to be there for the children, especially if Georg wasn't there himself. She nodded faintly. Maria glanced at the clock on the wall – it was at least another hour before the time the children would normally be woken. So while she waited, Maria made herself the cup of tea she'd been longing for, plus some breakfast, even though she had no appetite.
Finally, it was time to wake the children. It was a strange sensation after a year and half since she'd been governess to the children, making the familiar journey upstairs to the family wing of the house to wander from bedroom to bedroom to wake each of the seven children. At first, they were confused at seeing her there, then ecstatic when they realised that Maria had chosen not to leave Salzburg and was back with them. Finally, as Maria gathered the children together, she had to break the terrible news that the Baroness had died during the night. Naturally, there were a lot of tears from all of the children and Maria was left to console them. Maria couldn't help but think as she held and soothed each sobbing von Trapp child that it should have been Georg who had told them, and not her. Yet, he was nowhere to be found.
He didn't return to the villa until late that evening. So late that all the children had been put to bed. Maria had waited up for Georg, as she could sense that something was off with him. She knew and understood that he was grief stricken at the Baroness's death, yet it was absolutely bewildering to her that he would ignore his own children like he was when they were in mourning too.
When he eventually arrived back home and walked in the front door, he just took one look at her and said: "Not now, Maria," before he disappeared into his study.
The next day or so passed much the same: Georg would disappear either into town or into his study, barely speaking to anyone unless he had to, and when he did interact with anyone at the villa, it was mainly only with either Frau Schmidt or Franz as the funeral arrangements and following wake were still being organised. Even as various friends and family members from Vienna started to arrive at the villa for the funeral, Georg was primarily missing from the house.
Maria brought up her concerns for Georg with Frau Schmidt one morning but the elderly housekeeper merely shrugged. "Fraulein, that is just the Captain's way. It was worse when the first Baroness von Trapp died. At least now we are still seeing him, even if it is only briefly. When the late Baroness von Trapp died, he locked himself in his study with numerous bottles of whisky and didn't see or talk to anyone for days. He only made it to her funeral because Heir Detweiler forced him out of his study, otherwise, he wouldn't have made it he was so devastated at her death."
Maria nodded in understanding, even though she was still extremely concerned about Georg's behaviour and his emotional state. She decided she wouldn't push him and just wait until he was ready to talk to her.
In the meantime, it had somehow fallen on her shoulders to be looking after the children in the days following the Baroness's death. Her plans to return to the Abbey had suddenly been disbanded. In one sense, Maria didn't mind as she loved spending time with the children and she knew that they all needed her as they mourned the Baroness. Yet, in another way, Maria knew that the situation wasn't something that she was prepared to do in the long term. It was never in her plan to return as the children's governess, especially because things between her and Georg were still so messy and complicated, and the timing of the Baroness's death had just made things worse. But until she could speak to Georg properly, and that wouldn't likely be until after the funeral, she accepted that her role, at least for the time being, was to care for the children as best she could.
Very quickly, the day of the funeral arrived. The villa was packed with the many friends and relatives of the Baroness from Vienna, including the Baroness's cousin, the Countess von Eppan and Max who had also arrived the day before the funeral. He had been surprised to see Maria staying at the villa, yet he seemed pleased that she was there. He insisted that she call him Max, and Maria explained whole the situation that had occurred with her previous employer and why they had to leave Salzburg, and why Georg had asked her to stay at the villa. Maria had always warmed to Max and she enjoyed being able to catch up with him as she had always felt a keen sense of friendship with him.
The funeral and following wake was a truly sombre event. Georg, dressed in a black suit, had stood with Max in front of the casket at the graveyard and had delivered a short eulogy at the appropriate moment during the service in honour of the Baroness. Afterwards, back at the villa, Maria kept the children out in the courtyard where she had danced the Laendler with Georg the year and a half prior, while the rest of the wake was going on inside the ballroom. Maria watched Georg silently from her spot at the open doorway, talking solemnly with each and every one of the various guests, shaking their hands and receiving their most heartfelt condolences as his face looked grief-stricken. Countess Hilda von Doss, one of the Baronesses closest friends, could barely control her emotions as she paid her respects to Georg, sobbing uncontrollably and dabbing her eyes furiously with a handkerchief. She needed to be escorted to a chair on the other side of the room by her husband. As she watched from her spot in the courtyard, Maria was surprised to see Herr Zeller also amongst the guests to pay his respects, knowing just how much Georg found the Nazi-loving stooge despicable.
In the days following the funeral, all the guests from Vienna left the villa, with the exception of Max, who had decided to stay on for a bit in Salzburg. While he claimed he wanted to make sure Georg was alright following the Baroness's death, Maria sensed Max had an ulterior motive as he would often talk to Maria about whether or not she was continuing with the children's singing lessons, and he hinted, at least several times, that there were several singing competitions coming up around the country that he was keen on entering the children into, if Georg would give his permission, that is. Maria fobbed him off, saying that she doubted that Georg would even be willing to even discuss the matter, let alone agree.
It had been a week since the funeral and neither Maria or Max had seen Georg for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Georg had stopped eating with the family, preferring to request instead that Frau Schmidt bring a tray to his study. When they did see him, he looked extremely tired and worn out with large dark bags under his eyes and he never said more than a few of words to either of them before disappearing again. Several times, Max had even tried to force his way into Georg's study to talk to him, but he was always met by a door slamming in his face.
Even the children could see the change in their father's demeanour and several times Maria overheard the older children discuss in hushed whispers how their father was acting just like he did 'last time' and Maria knew they were referring to when their real mother had died. The younger children, of course, had been too young to remember the days following their mother's death. She was worried, but Georg refused to talk to her and there seemed like nothing she could do.
She had tried to keep the children busy while they were at home. When Georg had pulled the children out of boarding school several months before, he had re-enrolled them in the local school so they seven of them were out at school most of the day so Maria only had to keep them occupied during the afternoons and evenings. It was a challenge to do so as their moods were quite variable. One minute, at least one of the younger children were in tears, while the next minute, someone (inevitably Kurt) would make a joke, causing them all to erupt into laughter.
It was a moment like this that caused quite a bit of chaos only a few days later. It was a Saturday morning so the children didn't have to hurry to get ready for school. Maria had gathered them in the dining room for breakfast and there was a small amount of quiet chatter as Maria was helping Gretl serve herself some food from the large, heated cloche-covered dishes on the side buffet. Friedrich was standing next to them and was attempting to balance his plate against his chest while he poured himself a glass of orange juice.
"Friedrich," Maria commanded gently. "At least put your plate down so you don't drop something."
"It's fine Fraulein," Friedrich replied as he tried to manoeuvre his glass to the hand holding the plate so he could grab the tongs in his other hand to serve himself a sausage. But all of a sudden, Friedrich lost his balance and began to fumble, trying to catch the plate, glass and sausage all at the same time. He failed quite spectacularly, resulting in the orange juice going flying across the room, while he somehow managed to grab the plate without dropping his eggs on the floor and a quick reflex from Kurt meant that he caught the sausage as it flew past him.
As Kurt gave a cry of glee celebrating his remarkable catch, but unfortunately, the juice had hit Louisa in the face, covering her from head to toe with orange liquid. Everyone stared at the hysterical scene of Kurt holding a sausage in his outstretched hand, Louisa completely drenched in orange juice and a very sheepish-looking Friedrich for several seconds before everyone erupted into hysterical laughter, including Maria.
A second later, a loud, pitched whistle sound blew causing them all to stop in their tracks.
Maria turned to see Georg standing at the doorway to the dining room, whistle held up to his lips, his expression furious and stormy. Eyes blazing, he glared at them for several seconds before he put the whistle to his mouth and blew it again. Hard.
At once, the children dropped their plates on the table and rushed to line up in age order: Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl. They puffed their chests out, stood to attention and stared straight ahead, like they were a part of a well-refined military unit. It instantly reminded Maria of her first day at the villa.
Several seconds past before Georg spoke, his tone cold and stern. "That's better. Children, you should know all too well that I do not tolerate that kind of behaviour in this house." Then turning to Maria, he spat. "Fraulein, need I remind you that the first rule of this house is disciple? Or should I just remind you that perhaps you need to find some?"
Maria narrowed her eyes in fury, but before she could say something, Georg turned and stormed out of the room. Maria could feel the anger welling up inside her. How dare he ignore and mistreat his own children for weeks on end, then suddenly arrive to reprimand and scream at them?! No, she would not put up with that, no not at all. She needed to give him a piece of her mind. At once, Maria marched out of the dining room after Georg. The seven children looked between themselves for a second or two before they all sprinted after Maria. They weren't going to miss this!
Maria caught up with Georg just as he reached his study and she made a pass to barge into his study after him, but he began to close the door on her. She thrust her foot in the doorway stopping the door from closing.
"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Georg spat furiously.
"What I'm doing?" Maria repeated in disbelief. "I think it's more a case of what on earth are you doing, Captain?" She pushed past him into his study as he slammed the door shut behind her. A moment later, the seven children arrived to find the door closed in their faces so they had no choice but to listen to the confrontation between their father and their governess through the closed door.
In the study, Maria turned to face Georg and she glared at him angrily. "How dare you!" she hissed in fury.
"Maria, stop…" Georg warned, his eyes blazing.
"No, not this time, Georg. I understand you've suffered through a great loss…"
"You understand nothing!" he spat back, raising his voice.
"Well, maybe I haven't experienced it myself," Maria took a step back, "but I can see just how much the Baroness's death has affected you. But Georg, you cannot take it out on the children…"
"I have never…" Georg was indignant.
"Yes, you have!" Maria cried. "Just now, the whistle. That ridiculous, humiliating, stupid whistle! What on earth was that? It is exactly what things were like before. Haven't you learnt anything? Georg, they are just children, for heaven's sake! They are suffering just like you are, but not once have you been there for them. It was left up to me to tell them of the Baroness's death, up to me to comfort them and soothe their tears, up to me to spend time with them, help them through it… and where have you been? Selfishly hiding away in your study!"
The children looked between them as they listened through the closed door at their Fraulein openly and courageously reprimanding and giving some cold, hard truths to their father.
"Georg, you are their father!" Maria continued, her voice quivering with a mixture of anger and emotion. "Please act like it!"
Georg felt his body start to shake as he listened to Maria yell at him. He was so outraged that she would speak to him that way that he could barely see straight. He wanted to lash out at her, both physical and verbally, to stop her in her tracks, to make her be silent for once, but even in his enraged state, he knew he could never hurt her like that. He clenched his fists tightly by his sides and gritted his teeth. He pivoted away from her and began to pace the room, willing his agitation to subside.
Maria watched him pace, waiting for him to respond. When he didn't say anything, she urged. "Georg? Please, say something."
He stopped pacing and turned to her. "What do you want me to say, Maria?" he hissed. "Do you want me to say that you're right, like you always are? What?"
Maria shook her head silently, lost for words. Her heart went out to him and she felt a tear running down her cheek. She bit her lip, took one step forward and put her hand on his arm. "No, I just want you to talk to me, to let me in. Please let me help you," she whispered tenderly.
Outside the door, the children looked at each other in frustration as since the adults had lowered their voices substantially, they couldn't hear anything that was going on behind the study door. Friedrich, Louisa and Brigitta pressed their ears hard up against the closed door, straining to hear the conversation inside. But right at that moment, Max, strolled on past Georg's study door to see the seven children gathered in a group with their ears pressed up to the door.
"What's going on here?" Max asked.
"Fraulein Maria's yelling at Father," Louisa replied, a hint of delight in her voice.
Max's eyes widened slightly in surprise then he quickly brushed his moustache with his index finger. "Has anyone ever told you it is rude to eavesdrop?" he playfully scolded the children.
"No!" Kurt and Brigitta sang in unison. The other children giggled.
Max chuckled then waved the children all away, and they reluctantly went back to the dining room to finish their breakfast feeling disappointed. As soon as the children had gone, Max took their position at the study door, pressing his ear up against the wood, straining to hear what was going on inside the room.
Back inside the study, Georg's gaze fell on Maria's hand that was resting on his arm. He raised his eyes slowly until they met hers. His expression at once softened. "Maria, I…" he breathed, before he stopped and swallowed hard.
"Georg, you don't have to go through this alone," she said tenderly, trying to reach out to him. "The children, they want so much to be with you, to help you, to grieve with you. They love you…" Georg nodded faintly, overcome with emotion.
Maria ran her hand up and down his arm for a moment. "And you know how I feel about you too," Maria added quietly, trying to comfort him.
Yet, her words had the complete opposite effect. At once, Georg's expression hardened and his eyes flared. He pulled away from her. "Is this what this is about? You and me?"
Maria was taken back by his response. She suddenly realised what he thought she was proposing. "What? No, I only meant…"
"Maria, my wife has just died and you're suggesting…"
"No!" Maria was horrified by his insinuation. "I wasn't suggesting that, No, of course not," she fumbled. "Georg, I know that if anything was to ever happen between us now, that it would take time and clearly now is not the time…"
But Georg cut her off. "Maria, I don't know if there will ever be a time."
"I beg your pardon?" Maria was taken back in surprise. "Georg, what are you saying?"
Georg took a deep breath before replying. "Maria," he pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to find the words. "Do you know what I've been feeling all this time since Elsa's death? Guilt. So much guilt it is almost consuming me. Guilt when she was sick and watching her die, guilt that I betrayed her during our marriage, guilt that I wasn't a better husband, guilt that I hurt her, guilt that I hurt you, guilt that I've been such a terrible father. That's why I can't face any of you. That's why I hide away in here…"
"Oh Georg," breathed Maria, finally understanding what he was going through.
"I know eventually the feeling of guilt should fade and I should be able to move on with my life and perhaps look to a future with you," said Georg. "But, to be honest, I don't think I'll ever be able do it. I feel like I'd be betraying everything and everyone if I'd even contemplate it, being with you, that is."
"But the Baroness?" Maria whispered. "She gave her blessing. She wanted this for us."
Georg shook his head. "I know she said that. But while I feel this way, while I'm consumed by guilt, I can't make any promises to you. Not now, not in a year's time, not ever possibly. It's being completely dishonest to both of us and utterly unfair on you to ask you to wait for me to be ready, when I don't think I ever will be."
"Georg…" Maria bit her lip as the tears streamed down her face.
"I'm so sorry, Maria," Georg replied in anguish. "I've treated you abominably throughout all of this and I should never have. I never wanted to hurt you and I should have let you go a long time ago."
Maria nodded faintly, agreeing with him, even though her heart was saying the opposite. "Perhaps you should have. And perhaps I should have tried harder to stay away from you. I'm really sorry too." She swallowed against the hard lump that had formed in her throat. Maria felt like her heart was breaking. "So I think now it's time I go. For good this time. I'll make sure I say goodbye to the children properly again this time."
With that, Maria turned and fled from the room, pushing past a surprised Max in the process.
A/N: Ahh... Georg... once again, he's acting like a complete idiot. And once again, I will eventually redeem him, so I hope everyone will stick with me and this story. Thanks for everyone who has still been reading. I really appreciate it.
Especially since notifications still aren't working, I'd love to hear thoughts and opinions on the direction this story has now taken. As always, lots more to come...
