Chapter 6

Seth woke up early the next morning and knew something was wrong. He barely had time to register that Jessica was spooning his body, before he realized she was burning up, even as he heard her begin to cough.

"Jess?"

When she was able to get the cough under control, she tried to speak, but her voice was raspy and broken, "Darling, I'm sorry I woke you."

Now that he knew she was awake, he moved to sit up to get a look at her face. It must have been about six o'clock already, as the pre-dawn light was coming through the edge of the blinds. Her face was flushed and he did not need a thermometer to know that she had a fever, but he felt her forehead and the nape of her neck even so.

"Nonsense, woman. You aren't feeling well." It was a statement of fact, as there was no doubt in his mind. Still, she agreed that she was not, and after remembering that he had arrived via Dimitri's taxi last night with Jessica, he realized his car and his medical bag were at home. It was now Tuesday morning and he would have patients in a couple hours. Well, Beverly could reschedule. His priority had always been Jessica and after last night, his commitment to her was now absolute. He would walk home and come back in his car with his medical bag. Decision made, he pulled the covers back, even as he saw her reach to pull them back up, beginning to cough again. It was a dry cough, but he knew it would not take much for fluid to build in her chest.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to walk home, sweetheart. I'll get my car and my bag and come right back."

"Promise?" She seemed anxious. He wanted to tug her back into his arms and hold her. But he needed to listen to her lungs and make sure that she was okay. He thought it was probably a cold from walking in the March weather last night, but he did not want to risk her. He couldn't.

He was sitting up in the bed now, bare-chested. She had the quilt up around her shoulders, but he knew it was not from a false sense of modesty but rather a lack of warmth, as he watched her begin to shiver. Taking charge now, he kissed her forehead, saying, "I promise." Finding his clothes on the floor, he dressed, and then opened her dresser to find some warm pajamas. Sitting back down next to her, he said, "Jess, let's get these on you, my dear. They will help you warm up." She did not fight him or insist on dressing herself, which was a testament more than anything else that she must feel terrible. Once she was wearing the pajamas, he tucked the blankets and quilt around her body snuggly, kissed her forehead once more, and said he would be back soon. Hoping she would sleep, he let himself out the back door, so as not to arouse suspicion with the neighbors.

When Seth arrived home, he replenished medical supplies in his bag, left a note for Beverly, and grabbed a couple changes of clothes and his toiletry bag. He didn't want to presume, but he knew he could not leave Jessica alone while she was sick, especially if it turned out to be anything more than a cold. Based on her anxious response when he left her earlier, he would not leave her again if it was not absolutely necessary.

Arriving back at Jessica's house, he went upstairs to examine her. She had fallen asleep, but he was still able to listen to her heart and lungs, content that she was alright for now. He did need to get her fever to lower though, so he coaxed her awake enough to swallow some acetaminophen.

"Go back to sleep, my dear. I will be here when you wake up."

Her voice was still broken and hoarse and her gaze hazy, when she asked, "Come back to bed?"

"Jess, you need to rest."

"I'll rest better if you hold me. Please? Unless you are worried about catching whatever I have?"

"Woman, after last night, it is far too late for that."

She smirked, but did not say anything, only moved over allowing him plenty of room to join her.

He made to sit on top of the bedsheets fully clothed, but she shook her head, garnering an amused sigh, before he disrobed down to his boxers to join her. With how the heat was radiating off her body though, he knew the less he was wearing the better. She watched him get comfortable on his back, before she curled on her side with her arm over his chest, tucking her face into his neck.

"I'm sorry, darling."

"What for?"

"We needed to talk today and now, I'm sick."

"Sweetheart, we are okay. We can talk more when you feel better, but for now, I can assure you that I know I reacted badly and you did nothing wrong. I realized last night at the diner that I needed to get over myself. We have been best friends for years, yes, and I had always hoped for more with you, but the fact is that we weren't until recently. You don't owe me any explanations about anyone you were with before me and I don't want you to think that by being with me you lose your autonomy, which is exactly how I behaved—I was only jealous of whoever had swept you off your feet before me and perhaps a little hurt that you had never seen fit to tell me."

"I couldn't, Seth. I knew it would have hurt you."

"That may be, Jess, but I would like to think that after the initial shock wore off, I would still be the friend you needed."

Jessica tried to speak, but a coughing fit prevented her for a moment. Seth gently moved her over enough for him to reach into his bag on the floor, grabbing the menthol rub.

"Since you haven't fallen back to sleep as I hoped, let's put some of this on your chest."

"You just want to touch me," she teased, though the coughing kept her from sounding seductive.

He chuckled, saying, "I'm not going to mind it, I'll tell you that, but that isn't the point and you know it." Motioning for her to roll onto her back, he unbuttoned the top half of her pajama shirt and massaged the strong substance into the skin of her chest, keeping his hands well above her breasts, even if his eyes enjoyed lingering on them while doing so.

"Thank you, darling."

"Depending on how you feel in a few hours, we will get you in a steamy shower with some of this on."

Groaning, she rolled back over to rest on his chest again, saying, "I don't feel good."

"I know, sweetheart. Can you sleep now?"

"What did you mean about being the friend I needed?"

He ignored her deflection for now, knowing that she must be too awake or anxious still to sleep, wanting to finish the talk that wasn't supposed to be a talk. Although the spontaneity of it may have helped it go as well as it had thus far. He thought of how he should answer her in a way that was both honest and would help her to understand.

"Well, I suppose I mean that I am assuming whoever this man is that it wasn't anyone in Cabot Cove or people would have found out long ago." He did not wait for her to respond, as he knew it to be true. "So, if it was someone that you met in your travels, there are only a handful of men that I have heard you meet multiple times over the years and they always seemed to me to put you in danger. If I couldn't keep you from them, I would like to think I would have checked in with you more, made sure you were safe in your hotel room each night…although if someone was with you…I suppose that would have been awkward…" His voice had trailed off in embarrassment. She waited to make sure he didn't need to continue though, before she spoke.

"Seth, I need you to know that I don't regret having the relationship I had…it was good for me. I went through a time after Frank died when I felt terribly past it. As though I was no longer desirable or attractive. I was lonely and while I knew that I could never replace Frank, I missed being held and being intimate with someone. But…" It was her turn to trail off, not sure how to word what she wanted to tell him. What she needed to tell him. "Darling, I didn't love him. Perhaps that makes it sound even worse, as though I used him…I cared for him and he cared for me, but we didn't love each other nor did we pretend to. I have only ever loved two men before. Frank was my first love. And you, Seth, are the second and the last." Talking was taxing her body in more ways than one, as by the end, her voice would have been impossible to hear if it weren't for the fact that he was mere inches from her lips. Once she finished, her body had the worst coughing fit yet, and Seth moved her to her back, but propped several pillows behind her head.

"You have to rest, Jess. No more talking or you are going to lose your voice."

She was poised to argue, even as she was still coughing. It hurt him to watch her feel unwell.

"Stay," she whispered. "I don't like being alone when I am sick."

"Any particular reason?"

She shrugged. "When I am sick, I can't distract myself like I normally do and I feel scared and lonely."

His eyes softened. "I'll stay for now, woman. But I want you to sleep. Before too much longer, you are going to need to eat something, so I will go down to the kitchen to fix you breakfast, maybe a soup for later if your cabinets aren't bare. For now, it's more important for you to rest your body, especially your voice."

She started to say something, but he put a finger against her lips and said, "No, quiet." To try to get her to calm down, he settled in beside her, staying upright against the headboard, so he could watch over her, making sure she had plenty of room to keep her head elevated. Touching her forehead, she was still a touch feverish despite the medicine, but he used the opportunity to continue touching her, stroking her hair, soothing her. "Now, I can see your mind turning still, so let me alleviate any concern with what you told me about this man, by saying, I understand the loneliness that you felt and how you needed to feel desired and attractive. I can relate to those emotions. I even understand how lonely and scary it can be when we are ill and alone. So, I certainly have no right to judge or ask questions that don't matter. All that matters is that we are together now. Alright? I love you and if you will have me, I am yours from now on."

Smiling, she nodded in agreement.

"Happy, my dear?" He asked her, touching her lips with his finger to make sure she understood that he did not want her to answer verbally. He was thrilled at her smile, almost as much as he was that she hadn't tried to speak.

Nodding again, her smile had morphed to a wide grin, even as her face was showing signs of strain and weariness from being unwell.

Leaning down to kiss her forehead, he caressed her cheek, saying, "Close your eyes, my love. Sleep for a while and I'll wake you a little later on with something to eat, hmm?"

Shifting slightly, she did as he asked, but reached one hand over to hold his own. He gladly gave it to her.

S/J

Jessica slept for another two hours that morning, but it was not the most restful sleep as she continued to cough. Seth sat up beside her in bed, trying to soothe her in her sleep each time until the cough would abate. Eventually, Seth woke her with a light breakfast he had fixed of eggs, toast and tea. Thankfully, she did not feel nauseous, but as the cough was taking hold, he listened to her heart and lungs again, this time taking her temperature and blood pressure since she was awake. He was fairly confident that it was a common cold, but he did not want the cough to settle. It was becoming evident that she was losing her voice, as she could only whisper when she woke up to eat. He cautioned her to avoid talking again, finding her a legal pad of paper and pen, telling her to write whatever she felt like telling him.

After writing such silly things as, Really? I have to write everything down? Only to have him respond that yes, she did, she had conceded that her throat did hurt and it was now painful to talk in the next notes she wrote. He went ahead and swabbed her throat to make sure she didn't have something bacterial, telling her that he was going to take the culture to be tested and was going to get her a prescription cough suppressant that would help her to sleep and he would return soon with groceries to make soup as well. In the meantime, he all but ordered her to stay in bed. She had not enjoyed that, but was not in a position to argue. Kissing her forehead, he whispered goodbye, promising to return as soon as possible.

Watching him leave her bedroom, Jessica sighed. She did not want him to leave, hating to be alone when she was sick, never admitting that to anyone before today. Frank had been gone for many years. This was not her first time to be sick and alone. But whenever it happened, it always highlighted how alone she really was which somehow made her frightened when she was ill. She was grateful that Seth seemed to understand, not making her feel as though she was a bother. Not that he ever had or would. But this was hardly how she had imagined it would be on the first morning they woke up in bed together after making love. Yet, she knew he was only leaving to get her the things she needed for him to care for her. That understanding helped to assuage her fears and manage her loneliness.

She was exhausted. While the weekend had pushed all her buttons with heartache and sorrow over the uncertainty of her relationship with Seth, all of that had changed last night. Somehow letting things progress authentically by bringing him to her bed, instead of forcing themselves to have an intimidating talk about such intimate topics made sense. She knew at the time that it could have been reckless, but she felt as though it had been a mistake the week before having that build up to Portland, only to have it crash and burn the night before. Believing that Seth needed to see and feel and experience their lovemaking to understand how much she really felt for him, when the opportunity had presented itself, she had led the way in the seduction last night, following her heart and trusting it was the right thing to do.

Now, the morning after, Jessica believed she had been correct, as evidenced by their conversation this morning. She had a profound trust in Seth. She understood that despite his old-fashioned sense of propriety, he loved her. He may say foolish things, but she knew he appreciated her independence and he was proud of her success, never minding standing in her shadow. He may miss her when she traveled and he may hope she would slow down, but he would never stand in her way to do the things she needed to do or even truly wanted to do. She had always known he loved her deeply, but after feeling him make love to her, she knew it in her entire being. Last night, she begged him to claim her right before he entered her. When he had claimed her body, she allowed him to claim her soul.

Unfortunately, she knew she was ill this morning, as soon as she woke herself coughing. She felt as though her head was heavy and in a dense fog. Her body was aching and it was not due to the unplanned exercise last night. Well, maybe that hadn't helped, but there was no way of knowing and she did not regret it in the slightest. Feeling a blush cover her cheeks, she reveled in the memories of Seth moving over her body and down between her legs. It had been glorious and she hoped this cold left soon, so she could engage with him again. She knew him well enough to know he would make them wait until she was well.

A chill swept over her body and she began to shiver. Oh bother. If she wasn't sweating, she was shivering. Raising the bedclothes under her chin, she held them tight against her body. She wanted Seth to hold her and keep her warm, but he had only been gone a few minutes. No matter how quickly he hurried, it was bound to take him close to an hour to do all the errands he needed to do.

Willing her body to calm down and relax, she breathed deeply trying to keep calm. She knew she needed to rest. He would be upset with her if he returned to find her worse off than he left her.

S/J

Later that evening, Seth and Jessica were in bed together, but it was a far different picture than the evening before. Over the past twenty-four hours, they had gone from best friends to lovers, and now partner caretaking for the one who was ill.

True to his word, Seth had returned with prescription cough suppressant. That combined with the acetaminophen, gave her enough relief to help her sleep the afternoon away. By the time she woke up again, she had no voice at all though, relying on the pad and paper to tell him anything she needed to. He had teased her when she became frustrated several times at having to communicate by this method, telling her that she was a writer, wasn't that what she did best? She had tried to laugh at that, only to start coughing again so hard that he had all but carried her from the bed to sit her in the bathtub with the menthol rub, getting the shower as steamy as possible to help her breathe and cough the congestion out of her sick body. By the time he helped her get back in the bed in fresh pajamas, the soup was ready and he had sat in the chair next to the bed making sure she ate. Her throat was raw from the coughing and drainage, and he hoped that the soup would be soothing, but he could tell by her grimace that it was a struggle. Once they finished eating, he cleaned up the dishes, going down to the kitchen to put the food away.

She heard him moving around downstairs, along with the household noises of water running in the sink, his footsteps back and forth, and the door of the refrigerator opening and closing were soothing. She could get used to this, even though she hoped she never got so used to him being there that she took him for granted. Her heart was full and despite being sick, she felt content and happy.

Hearing his heavy tread on the stairs, Jessica smiled as she waited for him to appear at the door. When he did, he appeared shy. She noticed he was carrying a small bag.

"Jess, I know we didn't talk about it before, but I thought I would stay again tonight." He pulled on his ear, as though he was uncomfortable, afraid he was inviting himself. "I don't like leaving you when you are sick—I don't know if that is completely accurate. Hell, I don't ever like leaving you. But especially not when you are sick, yet I don't want to assume…I packed a bag when I went home earlier, just in case…"

He looked endearing when he was uncomfortable, but she knew she had to put him out of his discomfort. Smiling at him, she motioned him over, knowing that she could not talk, reaching for the pad and paper. Writing as quickly as possible, she turned the paper for him to see.

I want you to stay. I hope you stay forever.

He reached out to touch her face, and she reached out to keep his hand in place, before he said, "I'd like to shower if that's alright." She turned her head to kiss his palm in reply. Telling her that he would be right back, she settled back into the bed to wait for him.

Remembering how he had teased her earlier that she was a writer, she turned to a fresh page of the legal pad deciding that she would write a few thoughts down for Seth while he showered. She knew he would hurry to return to her, so she focused, making sure she used her words efficiently and effectively.

Darling Seth,

I meant what I told you a few moments ago. I want you to stay. I hope you stay forever. I have been so lucky. I had Frank's love during my youth into early middle age. As terrible as it was to lose him, you came into my life soon after, showing me that my life could still be meaningful. You knew how to be my friend, not pushing me or expecting more from me than I was capable of giving in the beginning. I felt less alone when you were around and when I became successful with my writing, no one has kept me grounded while being proud of me more than you. I have realized of late that you are the one I think about when I wake up and the last one, I think of when I fall asleep. When I travel, you are the one I want to tell the exciting things I see and do.

Down the hallway, she could hear the shower turn off. She knew she only had a few more minutes to finish.

Thank you for taking care of me today. You always manage to make me feel safe and protected. I may be a writer, but words are not adequate to express how much I feel for you. You fill my heart with love and I look forward to showing you how much I love you for the rest of our lives.

Yours forever, Jessica

She propped the page up on his pillow for him to see and fluffed her pillows once again, making sure her head was elevated like he wanted. She knew it did make a difference in keeping her cough under control.

When Seth returned to the bedroom a short time later, he felt his heart skip a beat, when he saw Jessica waiting for him in bed. She had turned her bedside lamp off and appeared to be asleep already. Checking to make sure her head was elevated enough, she looked so lovely, even though her cheeks were flushed from her fever and cough. Perching on the edge of the bed, he felt her forehead, hoping her fever would break soon. He had given her fresh medicine after her bath. She should sleep well tonight. All signs still pointed to this being the common cold, but the fact that she lost her voice earlier today did mean that it may take her a bit longer to return to normal.

Jessica must have felt his eyes on her, because she murmured something unintelligible, not quite asleep as he had thought.

"Shh, Jess, don't talk."

She opened her eyes at his words, but he continued to soothe her, as it was apparent that she was close to sleep. "Sweetheart, don't talk. But are you comfortable? Do you need anything?" She shook her head no, so he tucked the sheets and quilt around her body, before he moved to his side of the bed, seeing the sheet of paper she left for him. He raised his eyebrows seeing her handwriting, turning to read it by his bedside lamp.

God, he loved her.

As Seth finished reading it, he fought to keep from letting any tears fall, before he folded it, placing it carefully on the table, and turned the light off. He could feel her eyes on him though, and when he moved to climb into the bed beside her, she reached her hand towards him. He shifted onto his side, using a couple of pillows to bring him to her eye level.

His voice was filled with emotion, as the hand holding her own moved across to rest on her midsection. "Woman, I will stay forever if you want me to. But I don't want anyone in town thinking less of you if we shack up together."

She tried to interject, before realizing that even if she tried to talk, no sound could escape. He sensed her frustration, even if he could not see more than the silhouette of her face in the darkness of their bedroom.

"Shh, we will talk about it. I can guess that you don't care what people think." She squeezed his hand in agreement. "Ayuh, I know you, woman. But I do care, because I will not have you hurt in any way." He heard her huff a breath of air, and he held in the laugh that he wanted to let escape. She could be adorable when she was upset, but he knew better than to tell her that. "That said, my dear, I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. Regardless, we will talk and work out the details when you are better, alright?" Again, she squeezed his hand in agreement, before she raised their hands to her lips, kissing his hand.

Seth could not resist. He needed to kiss her. He should not have worried though, as she was reaching for him at the same time. Her lips were warm and supple. When he felt her nibble on his bottom lip, he groaned involuntarily. What was she doing to him? His tongue acted apart from his brain, when he searched her mouth, feeling her match every flick of his tongue with her own. After a kiss that was not dissipating, he was forced to break away from her for air, before his mind began to work again. "Christ, woman, you can't even talk right now. Please, let's get some sleep and when you are better, I will definitely keep you in bed for another reason." He felt her warm breath against his mouth, but he sensed that she would submit to his request. He reached to touch her cheek. "I love you, Jess. Feel better soon, my dear." One more kiss, brief, but no less gentle and loving, and he moved to put his head on his own pillow, while keeping his arm across her torso.

S/J

Jessica's fever broke in the early hours of the next morning, and by lunchtime she was past the worst of the cold. It took several more days before her voice returned, which had Seth teasing her about how much he enjoyed the quiet, with her even tossing a pillow at his head after he said it.

Seth nursed Jessica back to health as he had always done before, but this time was distinct as he was there with her every day, cooking for her, making sure she had medicine and clean pajamas, before sleeping beside her each night. After the first twenty-four hours, he did return to work with Beverly's questioning look following him around all day. She kept her mouth shut though, leading him to believe that she was happier with him than when he saw her last on Monday afternoon. The woman did know when to keep her opinions to herself after all. As he did not bark at her, nor did he work any longer than he needed to for the rest of the week, she must have been satisfied with him on some level.

Jessica missed Seth every time he left, the days he worked feeling terribly long. Even though she had improved to the point that Seth no longer believed her contagious, her cough lingered and while she could talk a little bit now, her voice was weak. He continued to urge her not to talk whenever possible to allow her vocal cords to rest and recover.

By the third day, Jessica got up when Seth did, dressed for the day, and went downstairs to eat breakfast together for the first time as a couple. It felt new and exciting, yet familiar and comforting to be in the kitchen preparing coffee and eggs, bacon, and oatmeal.

The few times that she had gotten out of bed since falling ill, she had carried the pad of paper and pen around with her everywhere, so she could jot down questions or comments to communicate with Seth. The longer Jessica went without talking, the more frustrated she had gotten with her inability to communicate and her handwriting had become almost illegible, as she scribbled her words and thoughts to Seth.

But now, on Thursday morning, a week after their disastrous evening of hurt feelings, Seth looked across at Jessica, as they sipped their coffee and ate their breakfast. He knew the rumor mill was flying around town, as people knew Jessica had been ill and his car had been parked there every night, despite him pulling around to behind the house each evening. People snooped and he had no doubt that someone or perhaps multiple someones had walked around back at night to verify, before passing the juicy tidbits of gossip all over town.

Seth didn't mind. Much. He could care less what people thought of him as a man. As long as he was thought of as a competent physician that was what was important to him. Besides, men got away with immoral behavior unscathed. It was wrong and hypocritical in his mind, but he knew that people would think of Jessica differently, even if they didn't him. Despite the fact that they were the only two people in the relationship.

People and cultural norms made no sense sometimes. But he detested anyone viewing Jessica's love for him as being in any way improper or seedy.

Scratching a few words on her paper, she turned it for him to read.

You're thinking loudly.

"Hmm, well, maybe so."

About what?

If this conversation was happening normally, he would have hemmed and hawed a bit. He did not like worrying Jessica, especially when he knew that she would not worry about this in the same way he did. But knowing that she would not let this slide, he decided not to beat around the bush and cause her further frustration by pestering him with continued scribbling on her notepad.

"Jess, I think if you rest your voice for one more day, you can probably try to talk again tomorrow. So, I supposed my excuse for staying here as far as the town is concerned will disappear–" holding his hands up, he said, "I know, woman, that people are already talking. You haven't left this house since Monday night, but I know you know how people are around here. But–they do know you have been ill and I am your doctor. Despite their questions, most people have let it lie, because there is enough respect for us for people to turn a blind eye for now. All that will change though, once you are back to normal…I don't want people to lose respect for you if I am still here."

Jessica had known what Seth was going to say, yet she started to write in a hurry. Seth reached over calmly to reach for her hand to stop it from writing any more angry words.

"Jess, I am not going anywhere. I don't think I could if I tried. I suppose I'm worried though. I love you and I don't want anything I do to ever hurt you, even due to the actions or words of others."

Her face softened by his words. She reached with her other hand to touch his face. She didn't speak, but she mouthed, I love you.

"I love you, Jess." He stared into her blue eyes that were deep and fathomless. He could get lost in her eyes and often felt that he did. He had patients though who needed attending this morning. "Jess, I need to head to work, but I wanted to ask you something." She tilted her head in reply, showing that she was waiting for him to continue. "I wondered if you would like to go to Portland tomorrow night. The hotel and restaurant that I had planned for last week is available tomorrow, so I can rebook…"

The smile that appeared on her face was wide and infectious. He felt his own grin form, but instead of nodding her head, she turned to a new sheet of paper and in huge letters, wrote one word before holding it up to him.

YES!

Chuckling now, he leaned over to kiss her softly on the lips. When he pulled away, he stayed in her personal space to whisper, "I promise to not be a bull-headed jackass tomorrow, my dear."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him again, this time coaxing his lips apart and exploring inside. He groaned against her. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against her. "You are incredible. I have to go now, but promise me you will take it easy today?"

Nodding at him, he smiled and stood up. Leaving her with a fresh cup of coffee and a smile on both their faces, he went to work.