She left. She left him alone. As he asked her. He was completely confused. Confused by everything that just happened. Did she really planned to reveal her true identity to all Ton? Did she already decided that or did he truly had anything to say about it? But what would he even say really? She was so right, so right… It was the exact thing that was so hard on his heart. Her being Lady Whistledown. But was it the only one? He had really no knowledge how to handle such a woman she is. What could he be for her?

And there it was, laying on the very top of all of this. He felt unworthy of her, because he could not name any single thing he achieved on his own. Indeed, he had this damn journal full of stories, full of his travel experiences. But if he would speak the truth, it was full of uncertainty. Nothing else really. All that time he was looking for confidence in his own self, without even realizing it. But she already was everything he never would be. Or was it still possible? It wasn't quite an envy, he was… impressed and he wanted to be worthy of her. But could he ever be?

Everything about this situation was still sending chills down his back. She said they need to come to a decision together. But what if he just didn't have it in him to decide anything under such a pressure? When everything was at cost. Their future. Their present. Their past even.

If he would be completely honest with himself, he truly feared that possible reaction of the Ton. He didn't want to watch her being hurt by the possibility of the whole society not accepting them now, when they would know the whole truth. He remembered how mad it made him, when he just found out. And Eloise… But what if she was indeed right, that everything comes to how one would find out.

Would he truly have reacted differently if she would tell him herself?

As all of those thoughts kept on coming to his mind, she was having indeed an interesting conversation on the other side of the street.

As she left, she went straight to her mama's house. There, in the living room of her old house, her sisters were having tea with her mama already. All eyes were on her when she entered that room. But no one really said anything. It was a long stare that died down after a few moments, as they got back to their conversation.

Penelope just sat there, near them and simply listened. Her sisters were bubbling about upcoming ball for what felt like hours, and then the conversation took a turn. They started sharing how uncomfortable it felt being with a child, how food smelled different now, all that nausea and that newly appeared painful discomfort in their breasts. As they were whining and moaning, a sudden question entered Penelope's mind.

"How did you know exactly that you are indeed with a child?" Penelope asked all of the sudden, bringing all eyes back to her yet again.

"Um… well, this never-ending nausea was probably the first thing I noticed." Prudence answered first.

"And there's no monthly blood anymore. Thank God, for that at least." Philippa added.

As they answered her question, they quickly moved on without even questioning the reason for Penelope's interest. As she sat there reminiscing on today's feeling in her breast, when Colin squeezed them not so lightly. She did feel slight discomfort. But wasn't it the same feeling she felt the first time they were intimate? She tried to remember, but she couldn't be sure. And this exact thing she felt before each of her monthly bleed. Actually, it should come soon, isn't it? What day it was exactly? With all those recent events she was not sure even of the today's date.

She sat there, lost in her thoughts. She even missed her mama throwing a glance or two after her question. She did not touch the food even once, as nothing felt right when she didn't even know if she and Colin would come to any agreement tonight. The time was ticking. And she also should tell Eloise before any plan they would come up with come true. She owned her that much, at least. She could not keep something as important from Eloise yet again. If she would indeed reveal her true identity, Eloise must know about it before. And Violet. Oh, that thought really send chills down her back. His mom. The one person she loved dearly all that time and about whom her pen would never dare to write something bad. The one person she would protect from anything if she could. What if Violet would be furious with her as much as Eloise and Colin were? That thought indeed frightened her to her bones.

When tea time ended, it was already way to dark outside. She really lost track of time there, lost in her thoughts. So, she got up, tried to say her goodbyes, when her mama got up as well and murmured something along the lines "I will walk you out."

Her mother walked her out to the carriage and suddenly stopped right before and turned around.

"So did you both talked?" Portia asked, looking at Penelope waiting for an answer.

"We did." Pen said simply.

"And that's all you shall give me? Our name is at stake also, Penelope." Portia demanded.

"Mama, please, don't worry. It's going to be alright. We are in the process of finding solution. I will tell you everything tomorrow, before the ball, alright?" Penelope said in a calming voice.

"Just, don't be… " Portia started just as Penelope was about to get inside the carriage. "Don't be so independent. It could really scare a man, like Colin. He is there to help and support you." Portia said.

"Well, I don't need him rescuing me. I need him to simply be there." Penelope said kind of sadly.

"Maybe it is a way for him to be there for you…" Portia said, as she closed the door after Pen got inside and they both parted their ways.

Maybe… just maybe her mama was right. Could it be the only way he saw to be there for her was constantly saving her? And what will happen then if she tells him she doesn't need it. That is the reason he kept saying she didn't need him. Wasn't it? Maybe indeed she read too much books about independent strong women. So much so, she could not except help anymore? She kept on saying there were together in this marriage, but still she was trying to rule everything on her own. But it was indeed her mess, not his. It was her job to sort it out. Wasn't it?

The ride was filled with all sorts of thoughts, but here and there she kept coming back to the today's date. What was it exactly? Was it even Wednesday or Thursday? She simply could not remember and that was driving her crazy. Unable to focus on anything else, she decided to find any kind of thing in their new home that could contain the date it is. As she got out of the carriage, she noticed lights were still on in some of the rooms, surely, he was home already. She wondered if she could simply ask him for today's date. So, she went straight to their bedroom.

But he wasn't there. And then she was his table in the room close to their bedroom. She remembered he owned a journal. Surely, he would write the date there, right?

Without any additional thought she reached in one of the drawers, she noticed her own letters she wrote to him, while he was away. They were laying on top, the string untied, like he was rereading them often. She quickly wondered if he was indeed, rereading them? And there it was - the journal. She did remember, how mad he was when she read it without permission the first time, so she hesitated for a second, still looking at it in her hands. As she was about to open it, she heard someone in the hall. Or she only thought she heard someone, as the next second it was completely quiet. Must be the stuff. – she thought, as she opened it on the last page. She was determined not to read any lines except the date, so she kept on turning the pages back, looking for any kind of beginning.

And there it was. 13th of June.

13th.

And right under the date were his first lines of today.

I never knew one could feel such an intoxication feeling of wanting to be close to somebody all the time.

Was he talking about her?

She quickly pulled herself together and looked up, not to read anything else.

13th of June.

It was…

She didn't have a chance to finish that line of thoughts, as the same time door opened and he walked right in. And the first thing he saw was her. Her holding his journal. Opened.