That's Enough Monkey Business
Izuku fixed his tie as he walked up the stairs to UA. He wiped tears at the fact that he was here, at the school of his dreams. "Quit your weeping, it's a school", said Monkey, "You can cry afterwards like every other student here will". "I made it into UA", said Izuku, "You'd cry tears of joy too". He then passed a ghoulish fellow wearing a black helmet and cape. "Oh my goodness, it's Ectoplasm", Izuku exclaimed. "That's my name, don't wear it out", said Ectoplasm as headed into his math class. "Yeah, that's cool", said Monkey, "Where's the homeroom?" "Right here", said Izuku as he walked into Class 1-A, his homeroom for this and the next two years. "Oh good, Bakugo's here", Monkey snarled. Indeed, Bakugo was sitting in his seat with his feet on the desk, something the tall kid with glasses to umbrage with. "Take your feet off the desk", he demanded, chopping his arm robotically, "Have you no respect for the previous students of this academy?" "No, I don't, extra", said Bakugo loudly, "Who the hell are you, anyway?". "We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot", said the tall kid, "I'm Tenya Iida from Somei Academy". "Somei, huh? Did they shove that stick up your ass, or were you just born with it?", Bakugo asked cruelly.
Iida realized the conversation was going nowhere and decided to talk to Izuku. "Hello, I'm Tenya Iida", he said. "Yes, I heard", said Izuku as he shook his hand, "I'm Izuku Midoriya." "Midoriya? Oh, yes", said Iida, "I must apologize for my rude remarks. Clearly, you saw the hidden purpose to the Entrance Exam that I didn't". "Oh, I saw the hidden purpose all right", snarled Monkey, "The hidden purpose of kicking your ass inside out". "A...apology accepted", said Izuku. Just then, the girl he had saved at the Entrance Exam. "Oh thank goodness", she said, "I was worried they wouldn't accept you. I even tried giving my points to you so you could get in". "I saw that", smiled Izuku, "Thank the Gods for Rescue Points". "I'll say", said the girl, "My name is Ochako Uraraka". "I'm...", began Izuku, but he was interrupted. "If you're here to socialize, get out", said a tired man in a yellow sleeping bag, "You're here to be heroes". The tired man got out of his sleeping bag and made his way to the podium. "I am Aizawa, your homeroom teacher", he said, "Put on your gym uniforms. We're heading for Field Gamma". "But we'll miss orientation", said Ochako. "We won't need those frivolous niceties", said Aizawa. At that moment, Monkey took control. "So, we won't need guidance counselors, mental health professionals, or resources for whenever we get injured?", he asked. Aizawa's eyes flashed red, but nothing happened. "It'll be in the syllabus", he grumbled, "Now go get changed".
A while later, Izuku walked onto Field Gamma, wearing the blue and white UA tracksuit. 'You just had to get on his bad side', Izuku thought. "You saw his eyes, right?", asked Monkey, "It's got to be Eraserhead". Just then, Izuku bumped into the pink girl. "Sorry", he said. "No worries", said the pink Faunus, "It happens to everyone. I'm Mina Ashido, but just call me Mina". "Izuku Midoriya", said Izuku. "Hey, guys", said Ochako as she walked over. "Oh, she has it bad for you", said Monkey. "Quiet", whispered Izuku. "What was that?", asked Mina. "Oh, my other half is acting up", said Izuku. "I have that problem a lot", said a Faunus with a crow's head, "I'm Fumikage Tokoyami, and this is my dark will made manifest". Suddenly, a black, shadowy thing emerged from his back. "Oh, hush you", the thing said, "Name's Dark Shadow, and Fumi over here isn't all that dark. As a matter of fact, his favorite band of all time is…" "OK, back in the body you go", said Tokoyami as he shoved Dark Shadow back into his chest.
"Honestly", scoffed a tall boy with red and white hair, a steaming arm, and a red scar over one of his icy blue eyes. "What's your name, fellow dark traveler?", asked Tokoyami. "Shoto Todoroki", the boy said, "I'm not here to make friends". "Rude", said a floating uniform. "Indeed, Toru", said a tall girl with a spiky ponytail, "Most uncouth". "That's Momo Yaoyorozu", explained Ochako, "The girl next to her is Toru Hagakure". "Yaoyorozu looks kind of familiar", said Izuku, "I just can't place where I've seen her before". Before Ochako could respond, a boy with sticky purple balls for hair walked over. "Hey ladies, name's Mineta", he said, "This is the life, to be surrounded by hot honey bunnies". "OK, I change my mind", said Monkey, "I REALLY hope something bad happens to him". 'You and me both', thought Izuku.
"Alright, line up", said Aizawa, "We're wasting too much time. We'll be seeing how well you can control your Quirks with these Assessment Tests. Bakugo, you were first in the Entrance Exam. How far can you throw a softball?" "20 feet", said Bakugo confidently. "Try throwing with your Quirk", said Aizawa as he handed him a softball. "DIE!", Bakugo screamed as he used his explosions to launch the ball into the air like a cannon! "Die?", the other students asked. A hologram displayed the distance the ball went. It had gone 107 feet. "Each of you will be doing these fitness tests using your Quirks", Aizawa explained. "We get to use our Quirks?", Mina asked, "This is going to be so much fun". "Fun? You think this is fun?", Aizawa asked with a cruel smile. As he went on a blistering rant, Monkey felt the need to comment on the situation. "Yak yak yak", he said, "Jeeze, does this guy ever shut his gob or what? Anyway, you turned the thing on, right?" 'Of course, I'm not stupid', Izuku thought silently. "Good", said Monkey as Aizawa told everyone that the student with the lowest score was getting expelled, "OK, looks like we're up. If he stares, take a dive and remember, this is all part of All Might's plan".
"Alright, Midoriya, throw the ball using your Quirk", said Aizawa. As Izuku took the ball, he gave his surroundings a look, noticing that Aizawa's hair was floating and his eyes were glowing red. "He's using his power", said Monkey, "Take a dive and feign frustration". Izuku tossed the ball, which landed two feet away. "What the..?", Izuku asked, "What happened to my Quirk?" "I erased it", said Aizawa. "Eraserhead confirmed", said Monkey. "You were too reckless at the Entrance Exam. Were it up to me, you wouldn't be here". "That's not fair", said Izuku, only to be pulled forward by Aizawa's capture cloth. "Life is unfair", the "teacher" sneered, "It is the job of heroes to combat the unfairness of life. So it would be unfair and illogical to allow you to drag down the other students with you. You broke yourself in an effort to save just one person, so the way I see it, you are a liability. As far as I see, I consider you unworthy of calling yourself a Hero Student".
At that moment, Izuku's face changed to its ape-like visage. Aizawa couldn't believe it, as he was still using his quirk. "That's not gonna work on me", said Monkey, "Host Body is on a bit of a vacation at the moment. You're stuck with me now". "That's impossible", snarled Aizawa. "It's possible", said Monkey, "Your Quirk doesn't work on the Faunus or apparently people like Host Body, just as I thought it wouldn't. Would that not make you a liability?" Aizawa stopped using his Quirk, but his glare didn't cease. "Midoriya, keep your other half under control and try again", he huffed. Izuku's face returned to normal as he retrieved the softball. "This time", Monkey said in his head, "use about 50% of my power. I want to save what happens when you use all of it for an emergency". 'Got it', Izuku muttered as he threw the ball far into the horizon. "DEKU", Bakugo screamed, "How the hell did you get a Quirk, you Quirkless mother…!" But then, Aizawa's capture cloth restrained the explosive boy. "Quit your noise", said Aizawa, "I'm getting dry eye from you". "OK, now repeat after me", said Monkey before whispering what he wanted him to say. "It's...all in the wrist", Izuku said, earning him hated growls from Bakugo. "Worth it", said Monkey.
As the Quirk Assessment Test wore on, Aizawa was beginning to resent the "no drinking on the job" rule Nezu put in place after the incident involving Recovery Girl and the piano. Round after round of tests and the result was the same: Izuku always came out on top. The standing long jump? Got ahead of a boy named Sero, who had to use his tape Quirk just to keep up. The fifty-meter dash? He managed to tie with Yaoyorozu despite her using her Quirk to create an electric scooter. The grip test? Forget it. Shoji, an octopus Faunus with a sleeveless uniform and a mask that covered his mouth had a higher score than Bakugo, but a lower score than Izuku. 'This is all the Rat's fault', Aizawa thought as he displayed the final scores. To his shock, Izuku found himself the highest scorer, second only behind Todoroki. Mineta wailed in terror when he saw his name at the bottom. "By the way", Aizawa smirked, "No one is getting expelled. It was a logical ruse to get you lot to perform at your best." "He lied?", asked Ochako. "Well, of course", said Yaoyorozu, "What kind of teacher would expel students on the first day?" The other students shot withering glares at Yaoyorozu. "I guess I should have said something sooner", she said meekly. "Go back to class and collect your syllabi", said Aizawa as he left the field.
Later, after math class with Ectoplasm, Izuku found his way to the cafeteria for lunch, which was being cooked by the hero, Lunch Rush, a man with mechanical parts and a tube where his head should've been. It didn't take long for Ochako to join him. "I'm telling you, she's crushing hard on you", Monkey said. "So, where should we sit?", Ochako asked. "I'm...not sure yet", said Izuku as he looked around. He then found the perfect place and smiled.
Momo found herself eating in a corner of the cafeteria. 'What a fine mess I've made of things', she thought sadly, 'And here I was hoping for a better school experience than when I was in middle school'. "Mind if we sit here?", asked a voice. "It's perfectly acceptable", said Momo. She looked up to see Ochako and Izuku sitting in front of her. "Oh, it's you", she said, "The one with the Quirk Aizawa Sensei couldn't erase". "Are you alright?", asked Izuku as he and Ochako sat in front of her. "Can't say I am", said Momo, "I made a fool of myself and everyone is rightly upset". "So you made a mistake", said Ochako, "It's not the end of the world". "It sure feels like it", said Momo glumly, "At least they kept the insults to themselves". "You're selling yourself rather short", said Izuku, "I mean, what you did was incredible. You made a cannon, an electric scooter, and a pogo stick from thin air. How do you do that?" "Well", explained Momo, "it's not from thin air exactly. My Quirk is called Creation, and it allows me to make any non-living material as long as I know the atomic structure and chemical makeup from lipids in my body. Though that means I need to show a lot of skin and I have to eat a lot more after creating something, hence…" Momo sheepishly gestured to the large amount of food on her plate.
"That's so cool", said Izuku, "If you knew the structural composition, you could make things like knock-out gas, or electrical circuits, or even computers". "I actually did make a laptop", said Momo, "But that was three years ago". "Cool", said a voice. Everyone looked over to see Mina had sat down to Momo's right. "When did you get here?", she asked. "Five minutes ago", said Mina, "Thought you could use some cheering up, and, by the looks of things, these two agreed. Anyway, if your Quirk works like how you say you can, can you make a lightsaber?" "Perhaps", said Momo, "What's a lightsaber?" Mina gasped in horror before grinning widely. "Oh, I have such sights to show you", she beamed. "Hey, count Host Body in too", said Monkey as Izuku's face transformed, "He hasn't seen a Star Wars either". "How'd you do that?", asked Momo. "I'm his other half, Monkey", said Monkey. "I see", said Momo as Izuku transformed back. "Don't mind him", said Izuku, "He's like a brother that's always around. I wouldn't know what to do without him". "He already sounds like a swell fella", said Mina, "I especially like how he told Aizawa Sensei off. There's nothing I hate more than a bully". "She'll really hate Bakugo, then", said Monkey from inside Izuku's head. As Izuku, Ochako, and Mina talked with each other, Momo silently sighed with relief. 'True friends at last', she thought happily, 'But it won't last. Not when they find out who Mother is.
At last, the students of Class 1-A arrived for their Heroics Class. "I am here, coming through the door like a normal person", All Might proclaimed as he stormed in cheerily. While Izuku and Monkey knew about All Might's teaching thanks to the acceptance letter, the other students were shocked. All Might pulled out his cue cards from his yellow suit's pocket. "Ahem", he said, "Hello students, my name is All Might, and I will be your Heroics Instructor. Today, we will be doing a Battle Trial. Yes, I think that should do". "I thought we were doing a costume assessment", said Toru. "I asked for permission to push that back by a day or two so Midnight could get a look at your outfits more thoroughly when her schedule cleared up this evening", All Might explained, "She insisted. Now, come on! Let's head to Ground Beta!"
"They say that the clothes make the...heroes, and all of you look especially heroic today!" Indeed, everyone was wearing some fantastic costumes, except Mineta, who looked like he was wearing a big white diaper. Izuku walked out of the changing room wearing a green outfit with a metal respirator and big, green bunny ears. "I love Mom for making this, but we can do so much better", said Monkey. "At least it's better than Mineta's", said Izuku as he looked at the small boy trying to cozy up to the girls without success(fortunately). Then, Izuku looked over to see Ochako running over wearing a tight, black spacesuit with a pink visor, white, heeled boots, and a pink belt. "They made this costume a little too tight", she said as she looked herself over, "What's up with the bunny ears?" "They're supposed to be All Might's hair antennae", said Izuku as he held down his bunny ears. "Alright students, any questions before we begin?", asked All Might.
"How will we teams be chosen?"
"What's the maximum time we need in order to prepare?"
"When do I blow everyone up?"
"Is my cape not tre chic?"
"What's up with Captain Glitter Butt over there?", asked Monkey. Izuku shrugged. "One at a time, please", said All Might, "To answer the first one, we'll draw lots. Everyone, pick a letter from the hat!" He held out a top hat with index cards inside. Izuku reached in and pulled out a card with the letter E. Ochako also managed to get an E, which she was very ecstatic about. "Seriously, how do you explain that look if she doesn't have a crush on you?", Monkey asked. "She gets to be partners with a friend", said Izuku, causing Monkey to scream. Soon enough, everyone had teamed up with their respective partners. "OK", said All Might, "Here's how the Battle Trial will go. Inside that building is an atomic bomb. The Villain Team is going to defend it from the Hero Team. The winner of the exercise will be determined by one of two things; either a member of the Hero Team touches the bomb, or all members of a given team around stuck with this roll of Capture Tape". "So, who's going first?", asked Kaminari, a blonde student with a lightning bolt streak dyed into his hair. "That would be...uh, these guys, Team E as the Heroes and Team D as the Villains", said All Might as he gestured to Izuku, Ochako, Bakugo, and Momo, "Both Teams have exactly fifteen minutes to prepare".
Izuku and Ochako picked up their ear pieces, so that they could communicate with All Might if need be. "I already have a plan to deal with Kacchan, but Yaoyorozu is going to be the real challenge", said Izuku, "She's probably already got the place booby trapped. Maybe we can use that to our advantage." "How so, Deku?", asked Ochako. "Well", stuttered Izuku, "If you can manipulate the gravity of the room, maybe we can float the bomb over to us". "Sounds like a good enough plan to me, Deku", said Ochako. At that moment, Izuku's eyes began to glow green. "You shouldn't call Izuku that", said Monkey, "Bakugo uses it as a way to refer to him as useless". "Oh", said Ochako, "I thought it was short for dekiru, 'you can do it', you know?" "Live and learn, kid", said Monkey as he put a hand on her shoulder, "Host Body's aware you mean no harm by it. Just call him by his first name". "Time's up", said All Might, "Both teams, enter the building". "OK, let's go", said Izuku.
Bakugo adjusted his grenade gauntlets as Momo prepared some traps. "You done yet, Ponytail?", he asked gruffly. "Not yet, and I have a name, you know", said Momo as she placed down the components for a cannon. "This is frickin' stupid", said Bakugo, "You can make those useless toys all you want, but I'm going to put Deku in his place now!" "What's your problem with him?", asked Momo. "He's a psycho stalker, always talking about Quirks and being a hero when he's a useless Deku", Bakugo spat with rage, "Taking him out is our first priority. Now come on, bitch, leave the cannon and help me get him!" He stormed out of the room, leaving Momo fuming.
Inside the observation deck, All Might and the other students watched the security camera footage as Aizawa walked. "Aizawa, what brings you to my class?", All Might asked. "Midoriya", said Aizawa, "There's something off about him. I want to see how he handles this challenge".
Inside the building, Izuku and Ochako found themselves inside of a wide, empty room. Just then, the door to the stairwell was blown out and there stood Bakugo. "Go", said Izuku, "We can handle him." Ochako then floated up the floors above as Bakugo surged forward! He threw a right hook, only for Izuku to grab him by the arm and toss him over his shoulder! Then, he kicked Bakugo into the wall! Bakugo shrieked with rage before firing an explosion, which Izuku dodged! As Ochako watched them fight, Momo ran over and sent her flying with her bo staff! "Bakugo is a delusional narcissist", she snarled, "I'll let him tire himself out while I deal with the real threat: you". Momo swung her staff, hitting one of the support columns as Ochako dodged! She dodged again as Momo tried to kick her! Ochako then flipped over Momo before landing behind her and connecting her fingers. Suddenly, Momo began to float! But then, she pulled a grappling hook out of her stomach and used it to tangle Ochako before pulling herself towards her opponent! Ochako then returned the gravity, causing Momo to fall to the ground! But then, Momo threw down a net, tangling Ochako!
Down below, Izuku punched Bakugo in the face before kicking him back! "Deku", he snarled, "I know you're scared shitless, but you're continuing to fight! That's why I hate you!" He ran forward, only for Izuku to dodge his attacks and hit him in the face with a rock! "That's where you're wrong, Kacchan", said Izuku as he hoisted Bakugo into the air, "I don't fear you anymore!" He then tossed Bakugo into a wall! Bakugo spat before reaching the pin on one of his gauntlets. Izuku's eyes widened. "Oh, you remember this", smiled Bakugo sadistically, "These bad boys hold triple the amount of sweat need for my explosions. Just enough for me to do this."
"Young Bakugo, stop!", cried All Might, That attack could kill him!" "Not if he dodges", said Bakugo coldly. "Call the match, quick", cried Mina. "Not yet", said Aizawa, "I want to see this".
Bakugo pulled the pin and fired a massive explosion that engulfed Izuku and sent debris falling onto him! "Izuku!", Ochako cried out. Momo felt tears escape her eyes as Bakugo cruelly laughed. "I did it!", he proclaimed, "I beat Shitty Deku! Ah ha ha ha!"
Cue Song: Given Up by Linkin Park
Just then, out of the rubble burst a large, furry hand! Bakugo turned to see a massive beast crawl out of the debris pile! It was over fifteen feet tall, had thick, green fur, gray skin, large muscles, a wrinkled face, and glowing, green eyes. Momo gasped as she beheld the beast, a massive, Green Gorilla. The creature then reared up on his hind legs and roared while beating his chest! Bakugo tried to attack, but a single flick from the Green Gorilla's fingers shattered his gauntlets! Then, the beast punched him, sending him flying to the ground! The Green Gorilla snorted before sitting on top of him. Now, I don't know if you've ever experienced it yourself, but fifty tons of gorilla butt on your upper body? Not a pleasant thing to be under. "Get off me, you damn dirty ape!", Bakugo screamed.
PPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!
Bakugo was nearly catatonic as the Green Gorilla got off of him, having been sprayed by his gorilla gas. "What a vulgar display", Momo snorted before fleeing upstairs. The Green Gorilla recovered the Capture Tape and taped down Bakugo's arm to the ground. "Bakugo...has been captured", All Might announced, "Ten minutes remaining". Then, he climbed to where Ochako was and ripped the net away. "Good thing she didn't use the Capture Tape", said Ochako, "Come on, let's get that bomb before the time runs out". The Green Gorilla nodded before slamming his fists against the wall, shattering it! He held out his hand and Ochako climbed in as the Green Gorilla began to climb the building.
To Be Continued…
Author's note: Last fart joke, I promise.
Gorilla Fact: A gorilla's diet consists mainly of plants, although they have been spotted eating termite and ant colonies at times. Due to a mostly plant diet, gorillas can sometimes be very gassy. Just ask Bakugo. Oh wait, you can't, because he's lying on the ground regretting his life choices.
