This chapter is slightly shorter than average, and it throws us out of pattern because it's another Lauren POV - really it was part of the last chapter, but it would have made that chapter wayyy too long.
Enjoy!
Lauren was in her living room, drinking a glass of wine. It was getting late. A glance at her clock confirmed that it was 11:15p. She needed to call Nadia. She took another sip of wine.
Thoughts of Bo were ringing through her head. She could still feel the weight of Bo pressed against her from their hug. She had smelled…warm. That was probably the best way to describe it. Like books, leather, and coffee. Of course she smelled like coffee Lauren thought with a slight chuckle.
Mostly Lauren was thinking about the way she felt when she was around Bo. It was hard to describe. She felt excited and on edge around her, but also strangely calm. She had told Bo more today than she had probably ever told anyone. Nadia and Vex were the two people who probably knew Lauren the best in the world, but the truth was she had never had a conversation with them quite like the one she had with Bo today. They knew her because they had been there when things had happened. Bo knew because Lauren told her.
Lauren had admitted things to Bo that she hadn't even admitted to herself yet. Lauren wasn't quite sure what that meant, but she knew it was important. She knew it was noteworthy. Bo seemed to bring that out in her, that kind of honesty. She couldn't remember the last time she wanted so desperately to be honest with someone, to have someone know her that completely.
Lauren needed to call Nadia, but she was putting it off because she was calling to end a five year relationship. It was bad enough that she was doing it over the phone. It would be worse to do it with another woman running through her brain.
She took a deep breath and took another drink, and her phone rang. Nadia flashed across the screen. Talk about timing. No time like the present, I guess.
"Hey, Nadia."
"Hey, babe, how are you?" There was a slight hesitation in Nadia's voice.
"Everything okay? You sound…strange."
Nadia gave a humorless laugh. "You know me too well, I guess."
"What's wrong?"
There was a hesitation on the other end of the line. "I think…I think we need to talk, Lauren."
"Okay…"
She heard Nadia take a steady breath. "Listen, let me just start out by saying I love you, okay? I love you. I will always love you."
"Um…"
"Something…happened."
Lauren hesitated. "What do you mean?"
The next words came out of Nadia in a rush. "The other night, I told you I was going out with friends, and I was, I did, but Beth brought Stacey, and we just started talking and…"
"Nadia…are you calling to tell me you slept with someone else?"
"NO. No. Of course not."
"Okay, well then…"
"Listen, I just…" Nadia sighed. "Lauren, are you happy with us? Because I'm not happy. I love you, but I just…God, this is so corny…I don't know if I'm in love with you, do you know what I mean?"
Lauren let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "God, Nadia…"
"I'm sorry, Lauren, I'm so, so sorry, I just –"
Lauren cut her off. "I feel the same way."
Nadia paused. "You…do?"
"Nadia, you and I went through something together, you know? We're bonded to each other. I think we were holding on to that, thinking it was love. I think it's…friendship, maybe? Or a shared history. But I don't think it's what we need. I don't think it's all we need." She heard Nadia crying. "Are you okay?"
"Lauren, I'm so…relieved. I've been putting off calling you for days, and I've been putting off seeing you because I was too chicken to do this in person."
"It's okay. Really. It is." She smiled. "Tell me about Stacey."
"What?"
"That's what made you realize you and I weren't working. She must be special."
"You want me to…tell you about her? Doesn't that feel, I don't know, masochistic?"
"When you're done telling me about Stacey, I'll tell you about Bo."
"…Bo?"
"Listen, Nadia, here's the thing – if you don't want us to talk about this, I'm fine with that. We can part ways with no hard feelings. But the truth is, even though we aren't in love with each other, I still love you. You're still someone I'm close to. And I met Bo shortly after I got here, and she's like a song, you know? Like a song that you aren't listening for but it comes on the radio and then it's stuck in your head, and you can't get it out, and all you want to do is call your best friend and tell them about this stupid song because maybe sharing it would make it better, but you can't, because telling your friend about the song could hurt them, and you don't want that, but you really want to listen to the song some more, but…this metaphor is just falling apart at the seams."
Nadia laughed. Lauren smiled.
"I want you to be happy, Nadia. Truly, I do. If Stacey has a chance of being the person who makes you happy, that makes me happy. Honestly, it does."
"What about Bo? Is she someone who might make you happy?"
"She already does. She isn't single. We aren't even close to dating. But being around her…sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this."
"No, it's okay, actually. She sounds special."
"She is. What about Stacey?"
"She's funny, Lauren. She makes me laugh, all the time. And she loves animals, she has two dogs. She's a writer."
"Really? I don't see you with an artsy type."
Nadia laughed. "I know. Crazy, right?"
Vex was half laying on Lauren's couch, his legs stretched out in front of him propped on the coffee table. "You broke up?"
Lauren nodded. "I think it was time."
"Well of course it was time, darling," Vex answered.
It had been two days since breaking up with Nadia, and Lauren felt…neutral. She knew she wasn't feeling how she was supposed to feel when a five year relationship ended, but she was having a hard time making herself feel angry, or sad, or wistful, or nostalgic.
No one here knew about Nadia, other than Vex and Bo. She had thought briefly about calling Bo, but…that just seemed like a bad idea. She had analyzed it for a while, actually. If she had called Bo and told her about it, Bo would have likely been supportive and caring and nurturing, and that would have been great. Amazing, actually. But all it really would have done is underscored for Lauren that she was starting to crave a relationship with Bo, something that definitely wasn't just friendship.
So, from there, where did that put her? If an endgame was to be with Bo, then best case scenario was, what, hooking up with Bo? While Bo was still dating someone? While Lauren was at least theoretically rebounding? Not ideal.
Okay, so then maybe best case scenario was Bo taking the role of friend right now, and talking her through the breakup. But the catch there was that the more she was around Bo, the more her growing feelings ate at her. And, anyway, talking over your failed relationship with the person you hope to be your future relationship? That seemed weird.
In the end, Lauren had called Vex. He was, of course, the most logical choice. He had known Lauren and Nadia as a couple. He knew Lauren's history with her. But, more importantly, he knew Lauren.
"That's not really the only thing I wanted to talk to you about, though," Lauren said. Vex looked at her expectantly. "Part of the reason I did it, the reason we broke up, is because…there's sort of someone else."
Vex looked surprised. "You're seeing someone?"
"No. There's just someone else that I would like to be seeing."
"Who?"
"Bo."
Vex looked surprised for a minute and then shook his head. "Terrible idea."
Lauren's heart dropped. "What, because of Rainer?"
Vex sighed. "No, darling, not because of him, but because of what he represents. I've known Bo for a while now, and let me tell you, her taste in romantic partners is abysmal. And Bo isn't the type of girl that settles down, whereas you, my darling, are definitely the type a girl for someone to build a future with. It's like with me and Dave –"
"Dave isn't real. Go on."
Vex laughed, and Lauren felt herself smile slightly as she realized more and more she was privy to this side of Vex that no one else saw. "Alright, fine, but the point still stands, alright? I love Bo, but if she broke your heart, I'd have to kill her, and you know I don't like to muss my nails."
Lauren nodded. "Am I crazy for feeling this way?"
Vex thought for a moment. "I think you just got out of a long relationship, and I think that relationship was vital to you in many ways. If you have feelings for Bo I'm certainly not one to judge. But maybe you need to be single for a while, that's all I'm saying, alright? Maybe learn about 'Lauren', not 'Lauren and'."
Lauren ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, I think you might be right. Maybe I just need some space from her." Lauren looked down at her hands.
Vex took his finger and curled it under Lauren's chin, lifting her gaze to his eyes. "It's serious, isn't it?"
Lauren sighed. "That obvious, huh?"
Vex laughed. "Love, I've known you better than you've known you for almost your entire life. I'll support you. Just careful."
Lauren nodded. "And, hey, I guess it's moot, anyway, because she isn't single."
Vex laid back and smiled. "Never stopped me, love."
I always like hearing from you
