Chapter 2: The Jedi And The U.S. President Have A Meeting
"More and more countries are leaving the U.N.," President Valorum said.
"If they do break away-," Mace Windu asked.
"I will not let America be taken over by Islamic terrorists we funded decades ago. My negotiations will not fail," Valorum interrupted.
"If they do, you must realize there aren't enough Jedi to protect NATO. We're keepers of peace, not soldiers," Windu responded.
"Master Yoda, do you think it will really come to war?" Valorum asked.
"Why would Middle Eastern countries leaving the U.N. lead to war? Those countries' governments aren't sending terrorists to attack us, we can just sign a peace treaty with the leaving countries that can resolve this problem without violence," Yoda replied.
"But you must attack the Middle East! Or else they'll attack us first!" a voice inside the room yelled.
"Senator Reagan-Nixon, is that you?" the President asked.
Senator Reagan-Nixon was standing in a corner, hiding behind some curtains.
"Um, yes, it's me, you invited me, remember?" Reagan-Nixon replied while waving his hand.
"I did?" Valorum said.
"You did."
"Now I remember, I did invite you. Come here Senator, sit on one of these chairs next to the Jedi."
Reagan-Nixon walked up to the Jedi and the president and sat on a chair.
Reagan-Nixon waved his hand again and said, "You must attack the Middle East countries, they hate our freedoms, our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other."
"We must attack the Middle East countries, they hate our freedoms, our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other," everyone in the room repeated.
Suddenly a small hologram popped up on the President's desk, "The anti-Republican senators are arriving with Senator Amidala's body, Mister President," the person in the hologram said.
The anti-Republican senators arrived in the room with Padme's dead body covered on a floating trolley.
"My, my, how tragic," Yoda said while looking at Padme's corpse.
"Padme's dead? Fuck! How am I supposed to turn Anakin to the dark side and join the Sith now! Oh wait, I can just resurrect her and alter the memories of everyone here," Reagan-Nixon thought.
Reagan-Nixon then waved his hand and said, "Padme is alive actually."
"Padme is alive actually," everyone else repeated.
"Good, now stand still and don't do anything for as long as I say," Reagan-Nixon commanded.
The Sith Lord then opened the cover on Padme's corpse.
"Awww, shit!" Reagan-Nixon yelled in disgust and he saw Padme's sliced head.
"Why did I rely on Jeff Bezos to kill this retarded Senator even though I need her to seduce Anakin to the dark side?" Reagan-Nixon said to himself, "Next time, I will destroy and rule America using my political position and appealing to voters rather than these convoluted plans."
Reagan-Nixon put Padme's sliced head close to the rest of her body, all of Padme's wounds were healed and all the little shrapnels on her body were pushed out.
Padme then opened her eyes, breathing, and frantically asked "Where am I? There was a massive light, a horrible noise, and then-"
Reagan-Nixon waved his hand and said, "You survived an assassination attempt, you were always alive."
"I survived an assassination attempt, I was always alive," Padme repeated.
"Good, now you have been in love with Anakin for the past ten years and can't wait to meet him again."
"I have been in love with Anakin for the past ten years and can't wait to meet him again."
"You are in your disguised clothes because there was no time to change and you are afraid of further assassination attempts."
"I am in my disguised clothes because there was no time to change and I was afraid of further assassination attempts."
"Alright! Now stand up to that position where I'm pointing with my finger."
Padme then robotically walked and stood to the position Reagan-Nixon pointed at.
"Okay, now everyone continue on, Padme was actually alive all this time and survived the assassination attempt on her!" Reagan-Nixon said.
"Senator Amidala, your tragedy on the landing platform, terrible! Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart," Yoda told Padme.
"Do you have any idea who's behind this attack?" Padme asked the various Jedi.
"Our intelligence points to disgruntled ISIS terrorists," Windu replied.
"I think Count Gates is behind it," Padme said.
"He's a greedy capitalist, not a murderer," Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi said.
"You know my Lady, Count Gates was once a Jedi? He couldn't assassinate anyone, it's not in his character," Windu added.
"But, for certain Senator, in grave danger, you are," Yoda said.
"Master Jedi, may I suggest the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces?" Senator Reagan-Nixon asked.
"You really think that's a wise decision in these stressful times?" Senator Bail Organa commented.
Padme said, "Senator, if I may comment, I do not believe the situation is tha-"
"The situation is that serious," Reagan-Nixon interrupted.
"No, but I do Senator, I realize all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you. But, perhaps some you're familiar with? An old friend like… Master Kenobi?" Reagan-Nixon continued.
"That's possible, he's just returned from interrogating terrorist suspects in Abu Ghraib," Windu answered.
"Do it for me, my lady, the thought of losing you… is unbearable," Reagan-Nixon begged.
"Why not Master Qui-Gon? He helped me defend Israel ten years ago," Amidala asked.
"No, no, NO! You must get Kenobi and his padawan Anakin for your protection!," Reagan-Nixon yelled.
"Why not get all three of them, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin to protect me?"
"Um… okay," Reagan-Nixon quietly said. The senator was secretly thinking, "Damn! Why didn't my stupid apprentice kill the right Jedi?"
