Happy

Happiness is the real sense of fulfilment

"Babe" Mercy's voice trembling as she spoke

"What's up?" Sam asked, throwing the ball at Mike to pay attention to the conversation

"I need you to get here, I have something to say"

"I'm on my way" he closed the call and turned to his friends "Sorry I got to go"

"This happens every time we get together" Mike threw the ball across the court "I'm telling you dude, that lady of yours has a problem"

"She gets stressed sometimes"

"She gets stressed all the time" Mike told him "Send her to therapy or something"

"She's good"

"She's controlling dude"

"What if being controlled makes me happy"

"I guess the two of you are freaking freaky"

"Whatever keeps us alive" Sam laughed grabbing his bag and backing away "We'll try for Thursday"

"If I'm not busy" Mike called after him, grabbing his bag to get to his car, picking the ball up on the way, there was going to be no game tonight.

Sam threw his bag over his shoulder, smiling at Mike's comments, before fitting his earphones and letting the music fill the silence to start the journey. "Controlling" he laughed.

Flashback

Sam's POV

There weren't many people that knew about or understood our relationship, there wasn't anyone we particularly needed to, and most of the time we really didn't feel like explaining ourselves. We'd officially gotten together for just over two years, but in my heart, we'd been tied to each other for nearly two years. We met at a mutual friend's birthday party, had a covert, intense, romance and settled into what we were today within eight months, by which time both of us were more than satisfied we'd found the one.

Some might have feared a woman that had clawed her way to where she'd got to, because when someone thinks or even talks about a woman being a boss, it conjures up words describing someone who's aggressive, boastful, extravert, dominant, maybe bullyish even, and to be frank in the workplace she exhumed all of that. My Mercy was the total opposite, she was shy, introvert, fragile, submissive, and only I saw that version of her because with me she'd always been able to be herself. She'd worked her way to the top and being a woman in a prominent position, she'd quickly learned she had to be ruthless, heartless and ten times as rough as her male counterparts to survive.

Don't misunderstand me on the submissive thing, she was more than in charge of her own life, we wanted it like that, over the years she had been programmed to present with those traits. I'd be the first to admit, I brought shit to the table too, I was crap at organising myself, my uniform was never ready, bills weren't paid on time; let alone paid, and to be honest I was on my one but last warning for lateness to work.

For me her organising trait was a godsend, in those areas of my life, I'm a natural fixer, I didn't really know that until I met her, I thought my only good trait was that I could run faster than any perpetrator. So, when I learnt she needed, and depended on me to make everything comfortable, achievable, uncomplicated, and reliable, I felt fulfilled, that need she had for my strengths fired me up.

Our relationship hasn't been plain sailing either, like most inter-racial couples, we'd endure our fair share of remarks, hate, disgust, and jeers when we first went semi-public, but once people in our building got used to us being around it calmed a fair bit. We were different sides of the same coin, very few people could see that, but our back stories were similar.

For starters, neither of us got through school unscathed, she was singled out for being a nerd, very much into all things fantasy, I was the school dork, I acted that way to distract from my ADHD, I soon became the loveable bad boy, that every girl wanted on their arm because I worked wonders with a ball, she'd been the girl that everyone sat next to just to copy her work. College was a minefield, she was a grade A student all the way, I scraped through with a little help from my friends, and when we finally got together, she had a few issues to work through having spent nine years in a male dominated environment, and I had spent eleven years in the public eye, being a part of that male dominated regime.

2 Years Ago

I'd like our story to start with something like I swept her off her feet, but I didn't, it was a slow burner, but she swept me, I wasn't looking for anyone, I'm not sure she was either, we were just two strangers at a birthday party, passing time, having nonsensical conversations.

It was David's thirtieth, we'd worked together at a precinct about two years earlier and kept in touch after he moved on with his family. I'd just transferred to the unit following a transfer request, to get away from a narcissistic relationship. David turned out to be one of Mercy's brother's friends, she was just passing through, because she'd been dragged along by her brother. I felt drawn towards her because she was sat in a corner people watching most of the night, it was one of my favourite things to do, so I joined her, we talked for a while about everything and nothing, about people at the party, who we thought they were, sharing fake back stories, finally getting her laughing was my achievement for the evening

By the end of the night everyone was gelling, I asked her brother for his number, he was a cool guy, I was keen to keep in contact maybe more for her than him. I was due to start work the following week, and being alone in a new place I figured I needed all the friends I could get. In the middle of a boring week, I needed conversation and thought about him, I called him

"Hello" I heard a female voice come at me I was stunned for a second, he never mentioned a partner, why would he, I paid attention to the conversation

"Sorry I was looking for Alfonzo"

"This is his sister" she snapped back

"Mercy?" I asked almost too happy

"Yes" there was a pause I felt so awkward, then I heard "Who's this?"

"Sam, we met at David's party last weekend"

"Sam" her voice softened, she giggled making me smile "He told me he'd done this, but I thought... never mind"

"Let me in, what did he do?"

"Gave you my number on purpose instead of his" she laughed "I thought he was just winding me up, but you called"

"I didn't know it was your number to be honest, but I'll keep it if you don't mind"

"Not a problem" there was another pause, I couldn't think of anything to fill the gap "And now I have your number" she giggled again, nervously

"I guess you do" I laughed

"Use it again, soon"

"I will"

That whole week my finger was itching to call her number, but I'd been in this situation one too many times to just throw myself into things, my heart was always running fast forward over my head, I needed to approach this differently, it was a feeling I had that I needed to act on. Nevertheless, caution didn't stop me thinking about her when I woke up, before I went to sleep and I don't think it was always in a romantic way, she was just someone that ticked a lot of boxes for me and made me feel comfortable, that was a rare feeling in my world.

The following weekend I couldn't resist it any longer, I was due to start my new job on the Monday, I should have been preparing, but I needed to do this. I called and asked her if we could meet up for something to eat, we did, casually, and talked, still nothing too intimate, mostly about our siblings, the game that was on screen, pets we'd had or always wanted, how we'd like to spend our spare time; if we ever got any, and food, we kept that going for nearly four hours.

We spoke on the phone a few times on the Sunday, by which time I was totally smitten by her, I fell asleep with the phone on loudspeaker next to my head on the pillow. Monday morning, I showered, smartened myself up stepped into my second skin and mentally become Officer Evans, making my way to the precinct "Hey" I smiled at her voice coming back at me as I got into my car "Sorry I fell asleep on you"

"I think I fell asleep first" she laughed

"I didn't notice" I laughed because I didn't "Anyway I called for you to wish me luck, as promised"

"You don't need it, you're going to be great" she giggled "That company would be foolish not to see you as an asset"

"Thank you" I smiled eventually closing the call, I was ready for the day

I walked into the building with confidence, even smiled at some of the guys I'd seen at the party the previous weekend, as I changed into my uniform, I was mentally preparing, you needed to be for a job like this. Handover happened and I was placed with Mike Chang, he'd been working there for nearly six years, his partner had just retired, so I was his next trusted partner, he seemed friendly enough. I'd been left with the shitty job at the end of shift, report writing, everyone hated that part of the job even though it was necessary, I looked up trying to think of the word I needed for my report and had to catch my breath

"Mercy?" I looked at the woman pacing in the Chief's office, I blinked a couple of times to make sure it was really her before I sat trying to lip read their conversation, she'd never said she was an officer, but then neither did I. Suddenly our eyes met, I could see her face questioning what she was seeing, but her conversation carried on, the guy she was talking to looked at me too, waved his arm and said something and they got back to talking.

When I eventually collected myself, I got back to my job, I had a report to write, my phone pinged grabbing my attention I picked it up to see the message 'Meet me at the café half an hour' I looked at the office she was in, but she wasn't there anymore, I looked around for her and saw her walking along the far side of the office towards the car park. I carried on doing the report, now I had a deadline on it, because I really needed to know what she was doing there.

Half an hour later we were sat in the café, in silence, sipping coffee, unsure what to say "Are you intimidated by women in power?" she asked, the question hit me out the blue, I hadn't expected it, I actually had a flashback to an earlier relationship. I didn't have an answer to be honest, I'd learnt my lesson the last time, steer away from narcissists, safeguard my heart, I didn't want to come across as hesitant, so I found something

"It depends on how they use their power" I smiled "I mean, if they're expecting me to be a submissive then yes" I laughed it off not wanting to reveal my truth just yet

"Submissive?" she asked, her eyes telling me she was over thinking my response

"Maybe too far" I sat to attention "But if that women were a boss, at say work, there's nothing wrong with that" I tried to piece the earlier situation together hoping I'd hit the right notion

"As long as you were the boss at home?"

"Not necessarily, I don't see specific roles in intimate relationships, well" I laughed "Maybe a couple of core ones"

"Which are?" she looked at me waiting for my revelation

"To love and trust your partner unconditionally"

"Good save" she laughed, I could have sat and watched that happy face all night "I don't know if this is going to scare you off, I hope not" she sat forward telling me what was coming next was something important "I know maybe I should have said at the party?"

"Said what?"

"That I'm the assistant chief"

"Seriously?" I asked, I'm sure she could hear the shock in my voice "I'm impressed"

"Not intimidated?"

"No" I laughed "I hate being the centre of attention"

"So, you rock up for work looking like that?" she laughed

"What can I say, I love my job"

"I hear that" she frowned "Love the job, hate the politics" she frowned "You do know we can't do this, now we know who we are?"

"You do know that this is a best friend I've ever had situation?"

"I know" she frowned at me

"Good conversation, someone to eat with, I want it, you're the only real friend I've got in this city"

"And to be honest, you're mine" she smiled touching my hand "The only friend I want, but we've compromised our professional situation"

"How about I promise to keep this platonic?" I tried to lighten the conversation

"How about you promise me a kiss at the end of the night and then we discuss this platonic thing some other time?"

"Deal" I smiled happy she'd made the right choice, I sat looking at her lips, I'd looked at them many times before, wondering, imagining, but I don't think she'd ever seen me do it, my eyes wouldn't leave them once she'd given me permission, I was willing the evening on

"Are you feeling the same as me?" she interrupted our conversation on Michael Jackson to ask

"As in?" I looked at her blankly, it felt like everything suddenly went in slow motion, I watched her face get closer, I remember getting hot real quick, and then our lips were touching, the heat moved around my body, toes, stomach, face, and you guessed it, I couldn't tell you the last time I'd had a boner in public, maybe not since puberty. I didn't need any more permission than that, I pulled her closer, to hell with everyone and everything, work, rank, even the people sat around us, it was our moment, and all I could think was thank God we were sitting down so she couldn't feel what was going on in my trousers. As I remember it now, I can still feel that tingle on my lips and the flutter in my chest, silly I know, but it was magical, by the time I pulled away I was on the way to being in love

I guess after that we started something, it wasn't physical straight away, she wasn't that girl, plus we were both caught up with the consequences of our actions, she was my superior, but in this friend zone we'd created, everything just seemed to be going too well. We resisted for just over three months before we fell into bed, the next day she pulled a sick day and I really didn't want her to leave my bed even on day two, but she did.

Work was work and home was home, she behaved like my boss at work, no special treatment, small talk or sly looks, strictly professional, we'd drive our own cars to work, say goodnight like everyone else and end up ripping each other's clothes off in the private car park underneath one of our buildings. The night always ended with us straightening our clothes and making for the elevator, or car like two strangers, then we'd get in our respective apartments and stay on the phone for the evening sex talking and such like, getting riled up for the following night.

18 Months Ago

We were hooking up for nearly six months before we dared to stay over at each other's apartments, moving our thing out of the casual and into the relationship zone, she was always weary of people following us, the chief popping in, or someone finding out at work, all of which would be putting our jobs in danger.

Her solution to my protest about us being so secretive about things, was that she moved into my building and that made everything easier for both of us, no more sex in car parks, unless we really wanted to, and less sneaking around. Her brother knew things had progressed for us, but no one else, he'd laughed when we finally told him, like he'd hatched a plan and was happy it was coming together. "Tell me I know you" was all he kept saying to Mercy, in the end she agreed.

As is normal when you start seeing enough of someone, we started to expose the real us behind the facade we put on for the outside world, and each other. She'd come from work super stressed, and if I was at her place, I'd see the full wreath of the pressures of her job, she'd curl up into a ball on the couch or in her bedroom and just cry for near on an hour before coming out as if nothing was wrong. I'd take it out at the ballpark about half a mile away from home, Mike; my work partner, introduced me to it as his favourite stress release, at school I played fiercely, so it worked for me too, slamming a ball through a net for hours eventually calmed me down enough to go home. If she wasn't there, I'd go straight to bed, but often she was, then there'd be something cooking, music on, and a cold beer or a glass of wine, to help wind down, I love that arriving home feeling.

After another six months of living cloak and dagger, we moved in together, it really didn't make sense paying for two apartments, manoeuvring between the two, when we only used one at a time. I switched my shifts to work opposite her, which was inconvenient at the time, but we still needed to keep things low key because of work, so she was able to have people around in the evenings and I was able to pretend to be a single man to the guys. I suppose we sort of reverted back to our dating days, lots of phone conversation.

6 Months Ago

I remember on the day of our first year anniversary I'd called her a thousand times, I knew it was near the end of a serious case and she'd be setting up raids and stuff, she never told me the details, but I could tell by the way she was short with me, not concentrating, the long hours she was putting in, it was something big "Mercy" I screamed down the phone frustrated at not being around when she was in danger "Fuck it" I didn't even think about it, I felt something was wrong and headed to the office.

"Babe" her head shot up off the desk as I walked into her office without knocking "What are you...?" she looked around to see who was watching

"I've been calling you all damn day, why didn't you answer, I thought..."

"It's been a bad day" she looked at me again "But, you can't be here"

"What happened?" I sat on the chair in front of her desk, determined to hear about it before I moved

"Everything just went wrong, we lost some good guys today, I just feel..."

"You're not responsible, like everyone else on that detail you knew what was at stake, everyone knows the chances they're taking when they do these things Mercy"

"And somewhere inside I know that, but it doesn't take away the look on their loved one's faces when I deliver the news"

"What else do you need to do?"

"I've set everything up for the team, we debriefed, I'm exhausted, I'm taking some time out"

"Great" I snapped getting up "We're going to celebrate our anniversary if it kills me, go home, pack a bag, and let's get our weekend, you've earned it"

"What?"

"We're getting you away from all this for a few days"

"But..." she looked into my eyes, and she must have seen that I needed to be the fixer right then, because whatever she'd planned to say didn't come out, she rolled her eyes and got up, five hours later we were sitting in our hotel room.

I should be ashamed to say it, but I think that night was the first time we made love, exactly one year after we first met. we connected emotionally deeper than I ever thought possible. I feel kind of wimpish saying it out loud, but it was how I felt. We were talking with our minds and bodies, I remember asking her, and I was serious "Did we just commit?" I felt totally full when she smiled, brushed my hair off me face and replied

"I hope so"

After that weekend I came back to work and told Mike I'd met someone who I thought I could get serious about, there was no need for him to know we'd already become serious, I was telling this guy about our lives, the only thing he didn't know was that she was our boss.

Over the last eighteen months he'd been through everything with me, especially my frustrations, after yet another nonsensical moan one evening Mike turned to me, smiled, and said "You need to marry this woman, she sounds like a dream"

"She is" I threw the ball in the air taking in the lightbulb moment "Listen" I grabbed the ball and threw it to him "I've got to run, Wednesday" I got to my car made a stop on the way home and walked in smiling "Hey" the feeling let me know something was wrong "What's up?" I asked walking towards her; it was clear she was crying "What's happened?" I asked the question half relieved that someone had found out about us and now we had to make decisions

"I think..." she looked up at me "I..." she burst out crying

"Hey" I grabbed hold of her, hugged her, and let her cry, waiting for her to share

"I don't know why I'm upset" she suddenly lifted her head off my chest "It's not like we're ready for anything like that, I'm being silly"

"Let me be the judge of that" we sat looking into each other's eyes "What's wrong?"

"I'm not pregnant anymore" her eyes searching for my reaction

"Pregnant?" I was shocked, there wasn't any way to hide it, a smile formed on my face before I took in the rest of the news "You've...?"

"This afternoon, I didn't even know I was pregnant"

"Babe" I pulled her in and held her so tight, wondering how I was going to fix this "I'm so sorry" I held her happy at the thought of us being able to make a child together, sad that it hadn't happened for us on this occasion, and angry that we were left empty and hurting. It was a weird time working through something like that, while hiding our relationship and feelings from the world, there were times at work I just wanted to walk into her office and hug her, and times the look on her face told me that was all she needed just then, but the threat was always there so we never tested it.

Today

Six months on and we were at breaking point, I was thinking of giving up the job of my dreams to be with the woman of my dreams and she was feeling stressed for me making that decision.

"Babe" she sat on the couch next to me handing me a hot chocolate "I don't want you to give everything up for me, it's not fair"

"It's not fair us having to live like this"

"How about we work towards your promotion instead?"

"And spend another five years living like this no way" I huffed, throwing my cup on the coffee table in front of us "I want to be happy"

"You're not happy?" she sat up looking at me

"Happier, I want to be happier" I huffed "We shouldn't be hiding like this"

"We won't have to, when..."

"I'm not waiting five years'"

"So, what are you saying?"

"I need some air" I grabbed my coat and slammed out the door,

Mike was sat the park, talking about work pressures, his wife being away, his daughter at boarding school, and I just couldn't speak my truth, not in the way I wanted to, anyway. I sat wishing for my phone to ring, bouncing the ball between my legs and listening to him, finally the call came, I felt relieved, I hated arguing, I jumped up at the thought of going home.

End of Flashback

He walked into the apartment unsure what to think, hearing 'Happy' by Leona Lewis blasting out, this wasn't going to be pretty, happy being the furthest away from where they were right now "I've been thinking" she smiled up at him towering over the back of the couch.

"We're not splitting up" he warned

"God no" she got up and walked around the couch "How about" she got on one knee

"What are you doing?" he gasped, dropping his bag

"Sam Evans, will you marry me?" she held a familiar box up to him and opened it

"Where did you get that from?" he looked at the box shocked

"Found it while I was angry cleaning" she grinned "When did you buy it?"

"The day we found out about the baby"

"I get it" she smiled "So" she looked at him "Will you marry me?"

"Yes" he laughed, happy everything was about to change, for the better, as they hugged "What about work?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, as soon as we're hitched, I want to start our family"

"I'm glad you said that" he leaned in and kissed her.