A/N
Trigger warning: self harm / mental health
Some medical jargon in here which may or may not be factually accurate!
Chapter 12
Brendan POV
He'd never been a fan of Kylie Minogue, she was a queer icon and that certainly wasn't for him, but he had to admit this song was catchy.
All the lovers that have come before
They don't compare
To you
He quite liked the words too, but he didn't dwell on that. He checked his watch, 4pm, the club had been open since 1 and there were about 20 or so people in. He was sitting at the bar sipping his 2nd beer of the afternoon foregoing the whisky to keep a clear head, he had work to do, but not the business kind.
After Cheryl's revelation last night about Amy leaving and Steven being all alone, He'd woken up with renewed purpose. He finally had a plan in place, offer Steven a shoulder to cry on, bond over missing their children, gain his trust again then swoop in and get his Steven back.
"Another beer?"
And get rid of Kevin, that was also going to be a part of the plan.
He nodded and Kevin opened the bottle and handed it to him with a filthy smirk.
He'd tried to go to the Deli several times today already but there were always too many people in there, great for business, not so great for his plans. His last venture down the club steps had ended in him retreating back up them when he saw Cheryl through the deli window talking to Steven and Doug, he groaned inwardly, she could be in there for hours knowing the way she would rabbit on. So here he was, checking his watch every 5 minutes trying to decide how many times he could loiter on the balcony or in the yard before people started to think he was up to no good, or just being plain creepy.
He made his way to the bathroom and entered one of the unisex stalls to relieve himself. He was zipping up and turning to leave when something caught his eye, the toilet roll dispenser was sitting awkwardly and coming off the wall. Now Chez Chez wasn't exactly china white but it still had standards to maintain, he leant down and began fiddling with the screws when the face of the dispenser fell off in his hands, stuffed amongst the rolls was a brown package sealed up with gaffa tape. He slowly picked up the package and traced his fingers along the edges and held it to his face. He'd been dealing long enough to know what it was, what he didn't know was how the hell it had got into his club. He never had dealers working in Chez Chez, that was the golden rule, so someone was doing this behind his back and he was going to find out who.
He was finishing beer number 3 when the faint sounds of sirens disturbed his thoughts. For a brief moment he thought it was some god awful addition to the track playing over the speakers, but as they got louder he knew that wasn't true. He stood quickly and headed back to the toilets, locking himself in the first free cubicle and ripping the package he'd pocketed earlier open and pouring £20k worth of cocaine down the toilet bit by bit and flushing as he went, finishing with the wrapping. He cooly sauntered out of the toilets and back to the bar as the police burst in and ran up the stairs, a woman in a suit leading them,
"Brendan Brady?" she questioned
"The one and only"
"I'm DC Shaw and this is a warrant to search these premises for drugs" she shoved a piece of paper into his chest before motioning at the uniformed officers to begin their search.
He briefly looked over the warrant before placing it down on the bar and taking another swig from his beer.
"We've received a tip off Mr Brady that drugs are being dealt on these premises with your knowledge"
"Is that so Detective Constable Shaw? Well i'm sorry you that you've had a wasted journey, everything here is above board"
"Is that your office? I'll need to take a look in there"
"Have at it" he drawled.
The police had escorted the staff and the few punters that had been in the club out and performed their search, he remained at the bar the entire time. It had become clear that this was a set up, someone had planted those drugs in his club and called the police, finding out who was behind that was his number one priority right now.
DC Shaw was standing in the doorway of the office looking perturbed, she obviously hadn't found what she wanted. Another officer emerged from the toilets and spoke closely with her, handing her something in the process, she walked over to him.
"Know anything about this?" She held up an evidence bag with a smaller bag inside with white powder.
"No idea officer"
"I'd like to come down to the station with us"
"You're arresting me for a bag, clearly personal use, that you found in the public toilets?" he asked bemused
"No, i'd just like you to assist us in clearing up this matter"
"I can assist you just fine here" he smiled at her "but, as it's you, i'd be delighted to help anyway i can" he said in a sickly sweet tone.
He stood up and descended the stairs with Shaw. As he walked out the door and towards her car he saw Steven who stared at him blankly, not an ounce of emotion in his eyes. He kept eye contact with the boy, willing him to react, to show him he cared, to show some sort of worry that he was being led away by the police, but there was nothing. It felt like prison all over again, when he'd needed Steven to believe him so desperately, but that support had never come. He faced forward.
….
The trip to the station yesterday had been farcical, questions about a drug stash that they'd never found, questions about a small bag of cocaine that they couldn't charge him on, questions about a mythical drugs empire that they'd been tipped off about. Eventually they'd let him go with their tail between their legs and apologised for the 'confusion'.
He sat in the Chez Chez office and mulled over different scenarios in his head, an employee of the club could be running their own operation behind his back, someone found out and tipped off the police or, the more likely option, that he'd been set up.
There was a knock on the door
"Yeah?"
Kevin opened the door and slipped in.
"I was calling you all night, why didn't you reply?"
"I was a tad busy Kevin"
"Well you could have let me know you were alright. What happened? What did the police want? I heard them mention drugs"
He slowly closed his eyes and tipped his head back on the chair letting out a sigh.
"Brendan"
"What?"
"Are you in trouble?"
"No Kevin, there's no trouble, its sorted, it was a misunderstanding"
"What kind of misunderstanding?"
"Ugh Kevin give it a rest will ye?! You're giving me a headache!" he spat.
They remained in silence for a minute or two.
"Are you opening up tonight?"
"No"
"We could do something?"
"I want to spend my evening at home, Chez will want to talk, dinner or something"
"Oh ok then, sounds good" Kevin sounded decidedly cheerier, he had no idea why but as long as he wasn't whining around him he didn't care much. "See ya later then".
He grunted a response as he heard the office door open and close again. Peace at last.
…
It had taken a good amount of effort to convince Cheryl that he wasn't becoming Hollyoaks answer to Pablo Escobar but she had come around, eventually. She'd grilled him more than the detective had but now she was making them a cup of tea and he was wondering how he could tactically ask about her conversation with Steven yesterday. The doorbell went and Cheryl went to answer it whilst he started to flick through the chinese takeaway menu.
"Oh hi love, everything ok?"
He looked up to see Cheryl letting Kevin in through the door. Now he'd had Kevin over once or twice whilst Cheryl or Lyndsay were in the house, but they were like ships passing in the night and he'd regretted it as soon as it happened. Kevin was not becoming part of his family dynamic, that was for sure.
"What are you doing here?" he asked bluntly, earning a stern look from Cheryl.
"I brought dinner like you said" Kevin replied, holding up a large pizza box.
He looked at the kid in bemusement, 'like he said'?, when in god's name did he tell him to get dinner and come round?
"What?"
"Come in" Cheryll ushered him into the living room and took the box from him.
"Yeah i got a large so there's enough for the three of us"
"Oh that's sweet of you, we were just saying we were getting peckish weren't we Bren?"
He stood there perplexed as he watched his sister and current fuck setting up the dinner table and chatting away about their days. What the hell was happening.
He slowly walked over to the table and took a seat, grabbed a slice of pizza and ate.
He felt Kevin staring at him the entire time they ate and when he finished his last mouthful and leant back on his chair, Kevin's hand crept onto his thigh and gave it a squeeze. He quickly rose from his seat and grabbed the dirty plates for the dishwasher, ignoring Kevins irritating grin. Once he'd stacked the plates away he picked up the empty pizza box, it was the first time he'd really looked at it, Carter & Hay, Kevin had been to the deli for this. He ran his fingers over the cardboard, wondering if Steven had been the one to make it, if he and Kevin had spoken, if Kevin had mentioned him, he gripped the box tight before shoving it into the bin and shooting Kevin a glare.
The front door opened and Lyndsey walked in looking flustered, she was momentarily taken aback at the sight of Kevin before she ushered Brendan into his room after saying her hello's.
'"Sorry Lyndsey i just don't see you like that" he joked as she closed the bedroom door too.
"Very funny. Have you seen Ste today?"
That got his attention
"Steven, no, why?
"I saw him in price slice a little while ago and he wasn't in a good state"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, he was stressed, jittery, he shouted at me and then ran off"
That wasn't like Steven, he could get agitated if he was angered, he had been the source of that anger enough to know it, but yelling at Lyndsey, acting the way she was describing was out of character. He needed to see him.
He walked out into the living room
"I've got some business i need to sort at the club"
"But its closed tonight" Cheryl reminded him
"Yeah paperwork stuff, i've not got anything done over the last two days and there's order deadlines. Kevin" he gestured at kevin to get up.
Kevin jumped up from his seat and said his goodbyes to Chez and Lyndsey as he guided the kid out of the house with him.
"I'll come with you shall i?" Kevin said with a mischievous smile as they stood outside his front door whilst he ran his hands over his chest and leant up to try and kiss him. He pulled back and firmly held Kevin away from him
"You need to go home, i'll see you tomorrow"
The kid looked confused. "But I thought…. I can come, make a night of it" he made another advance.
He pushed him back more forcefully this time. "Go home Kevin"
Kevin shot him a look of fury before storming down the stairs and into the night. He was going to be paying for that tomorrow, he was sure of it. He descended the stairs and made his way to Stevens.
…
His alarm went off at 6am, he jumped in the shower and dressed quickly in one of his favourite suits. He'd got back last night in a fit of fury after leaving Steven's, he had been so sure there was someone else there, convinced he was with another man, he yelled he couldn't even remember what ,through the letterbox of Stevens door as he smashed his fists into it. Once he was home and the red mist had lifted, he thought more clearly. Walker was on a stag do in London, and that date with the estate agent had been weeks ago, months ago even. He'd put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5, Steven could have been on the phone to Amy for all he knew and all he'd done was fly off the handle scaring the boy in the process.
That's why this morning was important, he knew the Deli morning rota off by heart at this point. Knew which mornings Steven opened up and which ones were Douglas's, Wednesday's were Steven's, which meant he'd be going into the Deli at 6.30am and would be alone until 8.
He walked down into the village at 6.32am and sure enough, Steven was walking into the deli. Show time. He entered the shop.
"We're not open yet" Steven called out from the kitchen. He locked the door behind him.
"Not even for your favourite silent business partner?" he asked cheerily.
Steven walked through from the kitchen, he looked pale, maybe he was hungover after a night of drinking with whoever he had round last night, he shook his head of those thoughts, that ugly green eyed monster inside him making up fake scenarios again.
'What do you want?" Steven said weakly
"Like i said last night, i want to talk to you"
"You going to threaten to kick the door down again?"
"Well im already inside" he tried to joke, the boy was not amused. "Listen Steven, about last night-"
-"Don't! Just stop" the boy interrupted. "I've got nothing to say to you, can you just go. I've got work to do"
Steven wasn't going to make this easy, he was stubborn little shit when he wanted to be. So he was going to have to resort to dirty tricks, the thing that he could hold over Steven whenever he wanted.
"Well that's funny, because work is exactly what I wanted to discuss with you. Deli business" he said with a smile.
Steven rolled his eyes and placed his hands on the counter, he looked exhausted, unsteady on his feet.
He let out a laboured breath "What about the deli?"
"I want to see the accounts, go over the P&L's, see the profit" he was all business.
"Doug handles that stuff, you'll need to speak to him" Steven mumbled.
"And here's me thinking you were equal partners, but I guess he's the brains of it and you're just the pretty face, hmm?"
Steven wiped the back of his hand along his forehead, he noticed the boy's hand was shaking as he did it, probably trembling with rage at his words, but at least it was a reaction.
Steven lurched around the counter until he was no more than a foot away and got up into his face. At this distance he could see how gaunt the boy looked, how weak, his clammy skin and sunken eyes, it momentarily caught him off guard.
"Listen right, can we just get one thing straight Brendan, this place it's mine, yeah, mine. Right the menu, I came up with it all by myself, the walls I painted them as well and the best thing about it is that it's got nothing to do with you, not really. So you put a bit of money into it, so what? You don't have anything to do with it, or with me." he cried out of breath.
"Steven"
"No, you're not listening, I said I don't need your help and I don't want you here, I'm not playing your games anymore!" The boy's eyes closed slowly as he lost his footing slightly.
He reached out to grab Stevens elbow but he shrugged him off
"Don't touch me!"
Before Steven had even finished his words he collapsed, he stuck his arms out and managed to grab him before his head hit the floor.
"Steven?! Steven?! Steven?!" he shook him violently as he lay heavily in his arm.
He held the back of his hand against the boy's forehead, he was burning up, he must have a fever, a bad one. That would explain why he looked so awful the past couple of days. He lay Steven gently on the floor and ran to the kitchen, grabbed a tea towel and dampened it with cold water and grabbed a bottle of mineral water from the fridge. He laid the tea towel against Stevens cheek and forehead in an attempt to rouse him, to no avail.
He pulled out his phone and dialled 999. The village was still deathly quiet, only one person had walked past the Deli so far. He checked his watch frantically, he'd only called 10 minutes ago but he was getting more anxious by the second, Steven still hadn't woken up and his breathing was becoming shallower, he was burning up as he held the boy in his arms.
The ambulance had arrived and after what felt like an age of the paramedics checking him over they loaded Steven in to the back, he hesitated for a second on whether to go with him, whether Steven would want him there but the thought of him being all alone ended that thought process almost as quick as it had started.
"Do you know if he's allergic to anything?"
He looked up at the paramedic "What? Er no no, i don't think he is"
"Ok, well I won't rule it out. We'll be taking him straight into A&E"
He nodded uneasily "He's gonna be alright though?"
'He's in the best place". The paramedic tried to reassure.
…
He'd been sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the hospital bed bay for close to two hours. The paper curtains were drawn around each bay to give some semblance of privacy, although he'd heard the conversations that had been going on in the bay's on either side of them. The woman on the right hand side was in because she'd tripped over her toddlers toy on the stairs and fallen, suspected concussion and a confirmed broken wrist, she was on the phone to her husband instructing him to pick up their older child from school as he seemed to have absolutely no idea how to. Men, he joked to himself.
The guy on the left hand side had been in for hours it seems, found on a park bench after drinking too much and unresponsive, had to have his stomach pumped but he was going to be fine, he didn't envy the hangover the guy would be waking up to.
He looked over at Steven, still unconscious, hooked up to monitors with an oxygen mask over his face. The nurse had said they believed it was some sort of infection but they had to run a few tests and a doctor would be with them shortly. He'd had to lie about being Steven's brother in order to get them to let him stay and be privy to information, he knew he had to call Amy but once she arrived he'd be pushed out and he couldn't stand that yet, he needed to know what was happening. The only time he'd left his side was when the nurses requested he leave whilst they took his bloods.
The paper curtain twitched and then pulled back slightly as a woman in her 40's entered, she was dark skinned with thick dark hair pulled up into a low ponytail and deep brown eyes that were framed with horn rimmed glasses. He stood up as she entered.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting, please, sit" she gestured for him to sit back in the chair. "I'm Doctor Musa"
"Do you know what's wrong with him?"
"Yes, as we suspected its an infection, sepsis specifically" she looked at her charts
"Sepsis? That's serious isn't it?" he asked in disbelief
"It can be, yes, very serious. We're going to put him on a drip and get him on a course of IV antibiotics immediately. We also need to do some tests to make sure his organs haven't been affected. We're waiting on a bed in a ward for him but depending on the results he may have to go to the ICU."
He nodded. 'ICU' He was arguing with him just a couple of hours ago, how was this happening.
"How did he get it? The infection, what's it from?"
She looked at him pensively as he fixed her with a stare. She moved around the bed to Stevens' other side and lightly touched his arm which was covered under the bed sheet.
"Does Steven have any issues that you're aware of? Anything we should know about?"
"What, like illnesses? Not that i know of" Surely anything important would be in his file.
"When the nurses were taking bloods earlier they found injuries"
"From a fight?" his cheek twitched, if someone's laid their hands on him….
"No, not those sorts of injuries" she sighed before gently taking Stevens arm from under the covers and rolling back his shirt sleeve.
The underside of his forearm was littered with cuts and scars, fresh cuts, older ones, ugly looking ones. He looked up at the Doctor in confusion.
"How did… erm, how" he stumbled on his words as he gestured with his fingers at Stevens arm.
The Doctor took his other arm and rolled back the sleeve on that, exposing an identical scene. His breath caught in his throat and he felt dizzy.
"He's erm, he's a Chef. So maybe, you know, there's accidents sometimes" he mumbled. The doctor covered the boy's arms again but he continued to stare at where the cuts had been.
"Were you aware of any mental struggles he may have been having? Is there a history?"
"You think he's done this to himself" it wasn't a question, if it had been it would have been a stupid one. Of course he'd done this to himself. He sat back down in the chair and placed his fidgeting fingers on his lips.
The Doctor was in front of him again
"When he's awake we'll send one of our mental health professionals to talk to him, get him some help. The nurses will be in shortly to take him to a ward."
She had a good bedside manner, she was professional and direct, but calming, but nothing could alleviate the heaviness he was feeling right now. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, needed to get out of here, he needed to breathe. He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and made his way out of the hospital without looking back.
…..
He was slumped over the kitchen table next to a half full bottle of whisky, he was pretty sure he hadn't drunk the other half of it this evening, it must have been ¼ gone already, yeah, must have been. He'd called Amy once he left the hospital, he didn't give any details, couldn't bring himself to say it outloud, she'd know for herself soon enough. Ofcourse when he'd called and said Steven was in hospital her first reaction was to think that it was Brendan that had put him there, he deserved that he guessed, he'd told her it was an infection which had settled her a small amount. She said she couldn't get over until the next day, but that wasn't his concern. He'd let her know, it was nothing to do with him now.
The living room light flashed on.
"Jesus!" Lyndsey exclaimed clutching her fluffy dressing gown "you scared the life out of me! What are you doing sitting in the dark at 1am?"
He held up the bottle and waved it around a bit.
"Do I want to know?" she asked exasperated
"Nope"
She made her way to the kitchen and put the kettle on before joining him at the table.
"Did you speak to Ste?"
He let out a bitter laugh and looked down at the table.
"I'm taking it this delightful mood is to do with him?"
He nodded slowly as he ran the whisky glass over his forehead to cool himself.
"So what happened?"
"He's in hospital"
She looked at him horrified
"I didn't put him there, before you ask"
"I wasn't, i didn't think you had, i told you he looked poorly"
He huffed out a laugh "poorly. Yeah, sounds about right"
"Is he ok? What's wrong with him?"
He stared at the table "i have no idea what's wrong with him"
She looked at him puzzled. "Who told you he was in hospital? Doug? Amy?"
He puffed out his cheeks before pouring himself another large whisky.
"Brendan, how did you find out? Cheryl didn't mention anything"
"I went with him, i called the ambulance"
"Ambulance?! What happened?" she reached out and touched his hand.
"He collapsed this morning in the deli, he has sepsis"
"Sepsis! Gosh how's he gone and got that? How serious?"
"Don't know, they need to do more tests"
She squeezed his hand "he'll be fine, i'm sure of it"
"No, no he won't"
She looked at him questioningly "i don't understand"
"That makes two of us"
"Wouldn't they tell you anything? It can be a lot to take in"
"He did it to himself" he whispered
Her face creased in confusion
"He's been cutting himself, it got infected"
She looked off into the distance, her face etched with worry. "The antiseptic wipes" she muttered
Now it was his turn to look confused.
She looked back at him "yesterday when he was in price slice he was looking for antiseptic wipes but they were all out. He looked white as a sheet, i knew something was wrong, i should've pushed harder"
"Did you hear what I said? He's been slicing into his own skin"
"The poor thing, god knows what he's going through to do that."
He forced out a sardonic laugh. "Weakness, that's what it is. Who does that? What kind of man does that to himself?"
Lyndsey looked at him in disgust "Brendan! How can you say that?"
"Easily! It's something silly little girls do for attention. He's a father for Christ's sake!" he stood up causing the chair to fall backwards and Lyndsey to recoil.
"Brendan, you don't know what you're talking about. He's not well, he's obviously going through something"
He snorted and grabbed the whisky bottle by the neck, swinging it straight down his throat.
They remained in silence for 5 minutes or so, all that he could hear was the ticking of the wall clock.
"You know it's not that different from what you do," she said quietly.
He scrunched his face up in confusion "and what's that meant to mean?"
"Well what does Brendan Brady do when he's upset or distressed? He copes by lashing out, he hurts others. Ste's hurting himself. It's not as different as you think it is"
He ground his teeth in frustration
"I don't have to listen to this shit" he grabbed the bottle and charged out the front door into the night.
Please Review
A/N as you can see Lyndsey is very much in this story. unlike the show, she isn't going to be killed off!
