"Huh? You're saying you managed to eat every last Bugsnak on the island?"
Filbo and a few of his fellow Grumpuses were seated by the fire at the end of a long day, basking in the warmth as Chandlo added another log to the fire. The mayor looked at the smug scientist in awe, their fur replaced by the essence of chocolate chip cookies, with rainbow lollipops sprouting from both sides of their head. Beffica was mildly impressed, while Snorpy and Shelda were equally disgusted. And Gramble, well, he was feeling nauseous just thinking about all those poor little critters and how they must have spent the last moments of their lives.
Filbo scooted closer to them, inching sideways on his log. "What was it like? Did you find any Bugsnax that tasted really good?"
A broad grin stretched the contours of their face, shedding a few cookie crumbs in the process. "If flavor is your only concern, then unfortunately I must inform you that a majority of them were a foul presence upon my taste buds."
Filbo appeared somewhat crestfallen. "Really? I thought there'd be some pretty good ones out there."
"If I were you, I would take my sibling's commentary with a grain of salt," Snorpy interjected. "They've always been a picky eater. Even more so than myself, which is really saying something."
"I don't know, what they have to say might be kinda interesting, yeah?" said Triffany, glancing around at the others. "I say we let them talk. Maybe we'll learn about something new and tasty that's worth trying."
Floofty chuckled in amusement before opening their notebook. "Very well then. Though I consider it a personal insult to treat my scientific findings like a menu at the local buffet, I shall educate you on the matter if such is your desire. I wouldn't expect anything less from such simple-minded buffoons anyway.
"Let us begin with the greater and lesser Cocomite. Now, I despise coconuts for having the audacity to be so well protected for the nasty sludge inside of them. And in the case of these Bugsnax, if you examine them closely, there isn't even anything inside. You're just consuming half a hard, furry shell. Greater and lesser makes no difference. They're identically horrible. Oh damn, the greater one has two straws, so it can suck twice as much."
Beffica placed a paw over her mouth to stifle a fit of giggles. Even Triffany snorted at Floofty's choice of words they used to describe their experience.
"The second abomination on my list is Pinkle," Floofty continued, ignoring the muffled snorts and laughter. "If you consume pickles, you're ingesting feces. That's the long and short of it. Pickles are the excrement of the grocery store, and they're green. Which is healthy for produce but very unhealthy for fecal matter. They are more feces than produce, so do the math. If you came to Snaktooth Island to eat pickles, you must be a psychopath."
"They're one to talk, eh?" Cromdo said, winking and elbowing Beffica in the side.
"Next is Scorpenyo and Scorpepper," said Floofty, glancing in Cromdo's general direction. "Neither of these is better than the other, but at least Scorpepper has the decency to be invisible, which lessens the chance of anyone thinking it's a good idea to eat it."
"I don't think it's a good idea to eat any of them," Gramble muttered, petting his adorable little Strabby.
"Moving right along, we have La Sodieux." Floofty turned the page and adjusted their goggles. "It's sparkling water. Who in Grump's name would put this in their mouth, can and all, and think it's a tasty snack? Why does it have four straws? You will never in your life gather that many people in the same room who are all chomping at the bit to consume a sparkling water snack. Damn, where's the bathroom faucet snack? Show me a tap water insect, I'm sure it's just as delightful as the rest of them.
"Green and black Lollives. They're olives. Enough said.
"Green and Ruby Peelbugs. Much like the lesser and greater Cocomites, they are equally repulsive. Green is lime, and the only reason I could imagine someone wanting to suck on a lime is with salt and a shot of whiskey like a wannabe functioning alcoholic. I don't know if the Ruby Peelbug is supposed to be a blood orange or a grapefruit, but it is entirely unappealing, and I'd rather eat a real orange covered in real blood."
Gramble hugged his Strabby against his chest, trembling and glancing at Floofty's left leg. Snorpy told them to take his sibling's findings with a grain of salt, however they were all well aware of what Floofty had done.
