It was raining in London, big, fat droplets that skidded down the windows of the train as it slowed its pace, soon nearing the King's Cross station and Platform Nine and Three Quarters. It was an unusually cold evening for early June - summer came late this year. But this did not dampen the spirits at Hogwarts Express, where students made plans for their summer vacations, played Exploding Snap, ran wildly amok the train's length or practiced last minute spells before they had to put away their wands for the summer. It was very noisy, and a little damp, for many students waiting for the Hogwarts Express had been caught up in a burst of cool rain at the Hogsmeade station. The heavy clouds darkened the skies and so the lanterns had flickered on in the hallways, creating a soft glow about the compartments.

In one of the dimply lit train compartments sat Severus Snape, in company of his Slytherin peers, all boys of fifteen to sixteen years of age. He sat quietly, hardly talking with his chattering friends; he was full of nervous anticipation. Today he would, after months of silence, be talking to Lily. For the first time after That Incident. Today they would have to stay in each other's company, because Lily's parents would pick them up from King's Cross, just like they had done every summer since first year. He had nervously wondered whether she would make him find another ride but no letter ever came to inform him of changed plans, and so he assumed that she had decided to tolerate his company for the ride home. He took this to mean that she had not wanted to explain to her parents that they were no longer friends. And this meant several hours of time in her (these days) elusive company at the back of her parents' old Ford, and possibly – hopefully - a chance to mend the rift between them.

" - of course you should come too, Severus," said Mulciber suddenly, and Severus snapped out of his thoughts. He had no idea what they had been discussing just now. Mulciber looked a little annoyed at his perplexed face.

"To my home, as guest, this July," repeated Mulciber in a lazy voice. "You are all welcome."

Severus muttered his thanks. He didn't tell Mulciber that his father probably wouldn't let him come – he hated anything wizardly and this included his wizard friends. He stared out at the murky slice of London that sped past them. The train had now started to slow down, which meant they were closer to the city center, closer to King's Cross. He wondered, not for the first time during this train ride, where Lily was sitting, who she was talking to.

Just then a sharp tapping sound came from the window. Looking up, Severus saw a white snow owl, a rolled up piece of parchment in its beak, trying to keep up with the speed of the train that was speeding past London. Mulciber got up and let the owl in, taking the parchment from it.

"Oh, it's for you Severus," said he, handing over the letter and chucking the owl back out of the window, where a swift breeze carried it away.

But Severus had already known it was for him. It had been months since that particular owl had brought him any letters, but he would have recognized Lily's owl, Copernicus, anywhere. His fingers shaking, he rolled open the parchment, expecting the worst. Would Lily finally cancel the ride? Not only would he miss her company, he would then be stranded in London without money or a way to get home.

Severus,

I am writing to inform you that my parents can't pick us up today. I just got a letter telling me that Daddy had a minor heart attack and they are at the hospital. Mum sent me some money and told us to stay in a hotel for the night. She's coming tomorrow morning to pick us up.

Lily

Severus blinked. He read the matter-of-fact words again. Hotel for the night. As the initial shock wore off he could hardly believe his luck. Getting to stay, overnight, with Lily somewhere in London? Just the two of them? Actually getting to talk with her, not just sitting quietly in the back of the car with her parents listening in on every word? He couldn't hear a word of what his companions were saying nor did he raise his gaze from the letter when Avery inquired what the letter was about. Reluctant to let his friends know that he was conversing with Lily, he made up an excuse, something about a letter from a friend wishing him a good summer.

It was another five minutes or so before the familiar curve of King's Cross's platforms greeted him through the foggy window. The train came to a controlled halt. Students, most of them now dressed in Muggle outfits, started crowding the train's hallways, pulling their trunks and bags behind themselves. There was a commotion as owls hooted in their cages, cats meowed in their carrier bags, and students chattered and shouted over each other. The first ones out were already running to the shelter of the train station, because rain was pouring down here as well. Severus saw Lily briefly among the flood of students. She was hugging her Gryffindor friends goodbye near the wall that led out of the platform. Severus could tell even from a distance that she looked troubled. As he watched, she waved at her friends and disappeared into the Muggle world, pulling her trunk and owl cage behind her.

Severus said a hasty goodbye to his companions and yanked his trunk behind himself as he pushed into the crowd outside the train compartment. He was immediately pulled into the crowd leading him out of the train. He too was wearing Muggle clothes, but he didn't own a coat, and so he had to pull a cloak over himself when he stepped out of the train and into the cool June rain. The students started to scatter around as many families were already waiting here on the Platform. Severus started to make way for the a spot outside the gates where Lily and him would convene after their arrival to London, and where her parents usually waited. He made his way past the Muggle ticket gates and towards the front door of the station. This time it was only Lily standing in their meeting spot, her trunk and the white snow owl in its cage on top of it. Her with her beautiful silky red hair and gorgeous green eyes which Severus had always thought more beautiful than anything he knew. Her eyes were now fixed on him, and he felt his heart skip in his chest. But when she saw him approach, she crossed her arms. We are not friends, even though we have to stick together, he interpreted. Severus was fine with this, as long as he could stay with her at least for some time. He had really missed her.

"Hi," he said quietly, coming to a halt a respectful distance away. "I'm sorry about your Father." After a brief pause when he didn't quite know what to say or do, he added uncertainly: "is he okay?"

Lily shrugged in a mixture of sadness and defiance, avoiding his eyes.

"He needs to stay at the hospital for a day or two," said Lily, matter-of-factly. "I have some Muggle money, enough for a hotel and a dinner, according to Mum. She instructed us to go to a nearby hotel. It's called the Great Northern Hotel."

"A Muggle hotel? We could go to the Leaky Cauldron too, couldn't we?"

"My mum doesn't want us to wander about London. Besides, I've only got Muggle money." Lily sounded slightly colder as she said it, and Severus wondered if she thought he had been offended by the suggestion of a Muggle hotel.

"I'm sure the Muggle hotel is great," said Severus meekly. He didn't want to anger Lily, not now when she was talking to him for the first time since That Incident.

(Mudblood)

Feeling a little awkward and ashamed all of a sudden when the cursed word rose from his memory to his consciousness, Severus eyed Lily through his curtain of hair. She looked slightly older than the last time he had really given her a look. Her hair was a little damp and curled beautifully around her oval face. Severus wished he could hug her and tell her he had missed her. He also felt embarrassed, because the memory of being dangled up in the air by Potter suddenly came to him again. He hoped Lily didn't remember it quite so vividly as he himself did.

"The hotel's supposed to be just around the corner," said Lily. "Let's go."

They pushed and pulled their trunks with them as they made way on the rainy street. It was already growing dark, the street lights were on and people shuffled past each other with their coat lapels up against the wind and rain. The street was slippery and they tried to avoid stepping into puddles as they made their way towards the traffic. It was loud outside, the double decker buses speeding over puddles and the rain pounding the street tiles.

The hotel really was around the corner, though Severus had never before paid any attention to the building. It was built out of red bricks and curved along the street in a curious half-moon shape. There was a restaurant under a blue awning on the bottom floor. It looked rather grand, Severus thought, grand and romantic. He followed Lily as she made her way towards the front door. Together they were able to pull their trunks up the stairs and then they were in the lobby. It became very quiet when the doors closed behind them, shutting out all the ruckus.

Severus stayed behind with the trunks and Lily's owl as she made her way towards the front desk to check them in. Severus' heart was beating very fast in his chest as he realized that this was really happening – he was in London, with Lily, staying in this beautiful hotel. He hardly could have concocted such a scenario even in his most private dreams. Lily's owl was hooting quietly in his cage and Severus tried to soothe it so as to not attract any attention.

Lily soon returned, looking a little flushed.

"I got us a twin room", she said. "It's on the top floor. There's still a little money left for a meal. The breakfast is complimentary."

Severus let himself be escorted to the lifts and together they made their way towards the topmost floor. Lily appeared tense and a little snappish, but whether this was because she disliked his company or because of worry over her father, Severus didn't know. It was clear however, that she did not share his jubilant feelings over their situation and they had barely made their way into the room when she confirmed his thoughts. The door had barely shut behind them when she opened her mouth.

"Listen, Severus, even though we are here and have to spend the night, it doesn't mean that things are the way they were," she said, turning to face the doorway where Severus was still lurking. "I still resent what you did and what you've become and it's best that we don't spend time over the summer."

She said this very fast. It sounded like she had rehearsed her speech beforehand.

"Oh", said Severus, again at a loss of what to say. With unease, he bought some time by unfastening his cloak and throwing it over the trunk. Lily was staring at him defiantly with her arms crossed, as though daring him to argue.

Finally Severus just said: "I understand."

Lily looked at him suspiciously, as though expecting him to argue her decision. But what could he say really, that wasn't already said?

Lily was still staring at him and Severus avoided her gaze, looking around himself at the room where they would spend the night. The drafty attic bedroom they had come into was rather tiny. There were two tidy single beds next to one another. The walls and ceilings were a dark magenta shade with cognac-shaded wood paneling reaching halfway up the walls. The floors were carpeted and the ceilings were charmingly slanted, creating a cocooning effect into the room. There wasn't much of a view behind the single pane glass, just wet rooftops over which the water was still pounding. Severus had never stayed in a hotel before, much less a Muggle hotel, but he had to admit that this room wasn't all that bad. It wasn't luxurious by any means, but it felt clean and comfortable.

"It's chilly", said Lily, breaking the silence, hugging herself.

Severus contemplated very briefly what would happen if he wrapped his arms around her, but shook such nonsense out of his head very quickly. He would probably get a slap for his efforts, judging by what she had just said before.

The room was small enough to feel cramped for two people standing, and an air of awkwardness filled the room they huddled close to one another in the cramped space. Lily continued to hug herself; whether because of cold or because of his vicinity, Severus didn't know. He felt stifled and, unlike Lily, very hot in the room. As he took in the closeness of the two beds it really hit him for the first time that he would be sleeping there with her that night. A sense of quiet desperation filled him. He felt like he should do something, anything to make the hours count, but didn't quite know what. After all, if it were up to her, she likely wouldn't even be there.

"I need to change," said Lily. "I got caught up in the rain pretty badly."

"Oh, do you want me to go …?" Severus gestured vaguely at the door.

"There's an ensuite," said Lily. She opened a narrow door in the wall next to the entrance and Severus saw a sliver of a green subway tiled bathroom. Lily rummaged through her trunk and disappeared into the bathroom. Severus tried to not imagine her changing behind the door, but unwanted fantasies immediately emerged from the depths of his mind. Unsure what to do, he sat on the nearest bed.

"Are you hungry?" Asked Lily when she emerged from the bathroom. She was wearing a yellow wool cardigan and wide-legged jeans.

Severus nodded. The breakfast in the Great Hall had been hours ago, and he was famished after the long train ride.

"Let's go then. I think there's a restaurant downstairs."

But as they made their way downstairs they discovered that the restaurant apparently only served breakfast and lunch, for it was already closed for the day. Lily looked unhappy about this, and Severus remembered that they were not supposed to wander about the city. But as they lingered by the restaurant's closed door, unsure where to go and what to do, Lily's stomach grumbled loudly and that settled it – they had to go into the city and find a restaurant.

"Have you ever been to London on your own?" Asked Lily apprehensively.

"No," admitted Severus. "But I'm sure there will be plenty of restaurants nearby. Come on."

"Wait – my jacket!"

Severus stalled. Lily turned on her heel and went back towards the narrow staircase that led up to the rooms. Severus waited for a long while until she finally emerged, wearing a brown short coat. She was carrying his cloak over her arm. Without saying a word, she thrust it into his hands.

As they headed outside into the evening, Severus was thinking very hard, wondering how to make the most of this situation with Lily. She was sullen and didn't seem willing to engage in conversation. It was no longer raining, but the air was so moist that in the halo of the streetlights tiny droplets floated by. Muggles emerged from the King's Cross station, dragging their luggage behind them, hailing taxis and peering at street signs. Lily was hugging herself again, and kept her eyes peeled at the concrete underneath their shoes. Her hair was hanging damply down her back. Severus opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again – but could think of nothing to say that would turn the situation around.

They found a cheap fast food place just a block from the hotel and Lily ordered them fish and chips from the till. They sat down on the aluminum chairs and ate quietly. Severus thought that it was very odd to be sitting there like this after months of not speaking, of Lily avoiding him in the hallways after classes and averting her gaze from him in the classes they had to share. He could hardly bear a summer without her company – the thought of spending it in the same town but without her was miserable.

"I've missed you," Severus heard himself say in a quiet voice, without really thinking. He swallowed, his heart suddenly beating fiercely in his chest. His eyes flickered towards Lily.

Lily looked up from her chips. Her green eyes widened a little.

"What did you say?" She asked, clearly thinking she had heard incorrectly. It wasn't like him to be forthcoming, to take risks.

Severus hesitated for a moment. This was his chance to take it all back, to say something else instead, to pretend like he hadn't said it. But what was the point of hiding it? Suddenly it seemed like the risk of speaking out loud was much lesser than continuing to sit here sourly and quietly.

"I said I've missed you," he repeated finally, speaking quietly and deliberately.

Lily shifted in her seat and looked away. Her earlier cool demeanor shifted a little but she looked slightly uncomfortable now.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Severus heard himself say again, and wondered what had gotten into him. This wasn't like him at all. This… forthcomingness.

"You shouldn't say things like – like that," said Lily. "It's not fair." She sounded a little sad as she said it.

To this Severus didn't quite know what to say. His momentary candor was now gone and he moved his gaze from her beautiful face to the plate in front of him, no longer feeling hungry. He felt like if he only possessed the right words, Lily could open up to him, but he didn't, and she remained closed off.

They spoke nothing for the rest of the meal. After they were finished they continued to walk back to the hotel. It was visible from the fish and chips joint's door, and as Severus watched the curving building growing near, a strange fear gripped him. He felt like if they got back to the hotel room like this, this uncomfortable silence would continue for the rest of the evening and he would miss his chance for good.

Sobered by this realization, Severus suddenly grabbed Lily's hand and stopped her. His heart was leaping in his chest as she turned, confused, to face him. Severus didn't let go of her. It was time for desperate measures.

"I – I was just wondering… have you missed me, Lily?" Severus asked, a little hoarsely.

"W – what?" Lily breathed.

"You heard me," said Severus, a little snappishly, feeling terribly embarrassed and vulnerable.

Lily let her hand fall limply on her side. He still held on to it, and as a result, they were standing quite close to each other, so close, that Severus easily could have bent down to kiss her lips, had he dared. Green eyes darted between black ones, apprehensively. They were locked in this intimate moment, uninterrupted by the Muggles darting past them on the street.

"Of course I've missed you," said Lily finally. "Don't be stupid."

"I want you to give me another chance," said Severus bravely. "I want us to be … friends again."

"It's too late," said Lily. She pulled her hand away from his and crossed her arms again. "You've chosen your way."

"I can change," said Severus. "I can be… better."

Lily seemed to hover uncertainly in the dim lights of the street lights. A double decker bus drove past them and she took the opportunity to turn her gaze away from him, to follow its path.

"I wish it were that easy," Lily said very quietly when the bus had disappeared. "But you love the Dark Arts too much. I just can't stand it. I don't trust it. I don't trust you anymore."

Lily's words hurt.

"Is there anything I could do to make you trust me again?" asked Severus.

Lily bit her lip. She looked at the streetlights, then at Severus. Finally she shook her head.

"No." Her voice was very quiet.

But Severus felt a sense of recklessness grow within himself. He was certain that this night had happened for a reason. His heart was hammering in his chest as he made up his mind.

"Come with me," Severus said. "Come on."

He took her hand again and pulled Lily behind himself as he took briskly towards the hotel. Her hand was in his and it made him braver than he had ever been before. She didn't pull away this time. Not even when they climbed up the stairs to their room and it was a little bit awkward to be holding hands in the narrow stairway.

When they got to the hotel room Severus finally let go of her. It was dark in the room and Severus reached for the bedside lamp. A yellow glow lit the room. Severus went over to his trunk and opened it, pulling out a handful of books. Lily stood leaning against the room's door, her arms crossed, looking at him intently. Severus threw the books on the nearest bed and pulled up one of them, showing it to Lily.

"The Dark Wizard – a handbook of curses" he read the cover. Lily shot him a loathing, dirty look. Severus looked at her straight in the eyes as he tore out a handful of pages from the book, shredding them in his hands. He pulled up another book. "Machiavellian torture – a history". He ripped the book to pieces as Lily watched, her eyebrows raised. Next up was "Fiendfyre and other fiery dark curses". It too was ripped apart. Severus didn't break eye contact with Lily as he tore the books, only glancing down to read out loud the name of the book he went on to assault. He didn't stop until the very last book about the Dark Arts was in shreds at the foot of the bed. Lily blinked.

"There!" Severus said, panting slightly. "Done. I am Dark Arts free."

"But it's not enough!" said Lily exasperatedly, understanding finally what he was getting at. "It's not just those books. It's your – your friends and your wanting to become a Death Eater. It's you using that word. It's how you've been treating me at school for a long time, not wanting to associate publicly with a Mudblood."

Her voice quivered in disgust and old hurt.

"I don't care about any of that. Not really," said Severus, only half-hesitantly. "Your friendship is the most important thing to me. All the rest, it's just nonsense. I promise I can change if you let me. Today in the train, I was just waiting to see you, I didn't even want to hang out with Mulciber and Avery and the rest..."

"But it's not like you could just abandon all your Slytherin friends," tried Lily.

"Exactly," said Severus curtly. "I'm glad you're seeing the problem. They are my Housemates and I have to associate with them to a degree. This makes it difficult to publicly spend time with you as well. But I promise I'll make it work if you'll give me a chance to fix it -"

"You called me that name!"

(Mudblood)

Severus bit his lip. He felt a sense of shame wash over himself and felt his cheeks grow hot.

"I know," Severus sighed finally. "I know, and I'm sorry. Truly, I've never been more sorry about anything in my life. I promise I will never use that word again - for as long as I live. Not only about you but about – about anyone."

"It's just not enough, Severus!" Lily snapped, waving her arms. "I just don't want to be friends with you anymore. Too much has happened. Too much has been said. Why won't you just leave me be?"

"Because I c-care about you, Lily," Severus said. "If you really want nothing to do with me anymore, I understand. I can leave you alone. If I know that you hate me and want nothing to do with me, I will let you be. But until then… I will always hope that we can be friends again."

"I don't hate you," said Lily. Then she snapped her mouth shut, as though having realized she had said something inappropriate.

Severus's heart jumped in his chest.

"If you don't hate me, what do you feel, then?"

"Exasperation, Severus!" snapped Lily. She looked like an angry portrait in the doorframe. "I made excuses for you for years! And you didn't care, you even took it upon yourself to belittle me when I only tried to help you!"

"I have been an utter arse," said Severus, seriously. "The biggest arse there ever was."

Lily said nothing now. With a deep sigh, she finally left the doorframe, walked past Severus and sat gingerly on the bed near the window where the lamp was, crossing her arms on her knees. She looked away from him for a long time until she finally spoke.

"You broke my heart, Severus," she said wearily. "That's what it felt like. To have your best friend call you a M-Mudblood... in public... pretending like you didn't even know me..."

She sniffed a little.

"I wish… I wish I could undo it," said Severus.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Asked Severus, perplexed.

"Why would you want to undo it?" Asked Lily, turning her bright green eyes towards Severus. "You meant it then. You wanted to hurt me. And you didn't even speak to me in public before. That's not what friends do."

"In that moment I was hurt… and embarrassed… and I took it out on you," said Severus. "But I never meant to really hurt you. As for not speaking to you before… well… you're right. I didn't. I was a coward." He sighed again. "Not everyone can be Gryffindors, Lily. I was afraid of what my housemates would say if they knew I was still spending time with you. What it would do to my prospects. In honesty, I thought I could keep our friendship a secret, that somehow it would work out. I bitterly regret it now. If you were to give me another chance… I would abandon everyone else for you."

"Abandon your other friends for me? Why would you want to do that?"

Lily shot him an investigative look.

"Because…" Severus swallowed. Suddenly the air felt stifling hot. The confession was throbbing inside of him, painful and urgent, yet impossible to say out loud.

Lily cocked an eyebrow.

"Because… you know." Severus said. He felt her cheeks flush. He stammered now. "You k-know why..."

Lily looked like she didn't understand him at all.

"If you're not going to say what you mean, forget about it," huffed Lily.

Severus swallowed. He stared at the patterns on the brown carpet.

"If I tell you the truth…" he said, in an almost pleading tone of voice. "You must promise me to not laugh."

"All right. I promise."

Severus' heart was beating in his chest like a jackhammer. It would be so terribly, frighteningly easy to ruin everything by now saying the wrong thing, by revealing too much, or too little, and he felt terribly vulnerable in the face of this fact.

"Because I c-care about you. I care about you more than I care about anyone else in the world," he said finally, in a very quiet tone of voice. He felt flush creep up his cheekbones and didn't dare to look at Lily.

"What do you mean?"

Severus swallowed.

"I mean...what it sounds like I mean."

"I don't understand."

"It means – it means that I like you, Lily."

It grew very quiet in the small room. Severus was staring at a stain on the carpet and his admission rung in his ears. He felt hot all over, like he was standing in a sauna.

"You like me?" Lily asked finally. There was a terrible, scary shade of sudden understanding in her voice.

Severus swallowed again. His ears were ringing and he felt more uncomfortable than perhaps ever.

"Yes," he mumbled.

"You mean that you fancy me, right?" Lily asked bluntly. "That's what you mean, isn't it?"

Severus wished the ground would open and swallow him whole. His heart was hammering, his cheeks were burning, and incredibly – impossibly – he felt himself grow a little hard.

"Yes," he muttered simply, not looking up.

"Since when?"

"Since always."

Severus snapped his mouth shut. He had said way too much already, things he couldn't take back, and if this were the last time they talked to each other, he didn't want to babble his heart out to her.

"You never said," said Lily. Her voice was now surprisingly gentle and Severus dared to peek up at her.

She was still sitting on the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes oddly unguarded. Severus shrugged, not really knowing what to say. What Lily said next shocked him to his very core.

"I used to fancy you too," Lily said. A hint of blush rose to her cheeks. "Before..."

"Oh," said Severus, at a loss for words. What she had said felt painful and bittersweet.

He felt himself grow harder.

"So here we are," Lily said, crossing her arms. "How stupid are we, right?"

"I was stupid," mumbled Severus. "You never were."

Lily looked around herself, at the torn pieces of parchment and books on the floor.

"We've made a mess, haven't we," she said, and Severus didn't know whether she was talking about the state of the room or their relationship.

"I've made a mess," he said sincerely.

"And now it's too late," said Lily.

"Is it?" said Severus, his heart hurting. "We are here, aren't we?"

"Yes, but only because Mum bailed out on us…"

"But you could have cancelled my ride," said Severus. "Before the year ended. Yet you didn't. It's because of you that we are talking today, isn't it?"

Lily's eyes widened. She looked at a loss for words. She flushed again.

"You wanted us to go home together, didn't you?" Asked Severus, suddenly confident now, as though he had always known this to be true.

"Yes," Lily admitted, her cheeks very pink now. "Err… I suppose I did."

"Why?"

"I've missed you too," Lily said. "And I thought…"

"What?"

"Well… I thought you might give me some reason to talk to you again."

"You wanted to give me another chance?"

"I didn't say that," Lily said strictly. "I just wanted to see what would happen, I guess."

"And… and did I give you a reason to talk to me again?"

Lily looked at him with her green eyes, her gaze mysterious.

Something had changed between them now, Severus could feel it. Something was building up between them, thick as fog, some emotion which was hard to define. It felt like something was about to take place between them. His heart was hammering in his chest.

"Come here," said Lily out of the blue, without answering his question.

Severus paused, surprised. Lily's eyes were dark in the yellow light of the lone bedside lamp.

"Sit down."

Severus obediently sat down on the bed next to her. She was terribly close to him now, and breathtakingly beautiful. Severus felt dull and ugly in her presence.

"Kiss me."

"What?" Severus gasped.

"Kiss me," Lily repeated. "I can't know whether there's anything left to salvage until you've kissed me."

Severus felt himself growing hard again. Surely he was dreaming?

He didn't know what to do with himself. A part of him wanted to crush her lips with his, but an even bigger part told him that this was some sort of a trap and he had to be careful.

"Why won't you kiss me?" He heard himself saying. He realised he sounded a little haughty without meaning to.

Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Cheeky," she whispered.

Then her lips touched his and Severus forgot everything else. She tasted and smelled like vanilla and raspberries, and her lips felt so incredibly soft underneath his. Her lips were moving tentatively against him and he felt her opening her mouth. A hot tongue touched his lips. A jolt of hot desire brushed through him. His head felt like exploding with confusion and joy.

Lily's wrapped her arms around Severus and deepened the kiss. They were now full on French snogging and Severus had never done that before. He tried to mimic Lily's movement with his mouth, hoping that the kiss was as great for her as it was for him. He grabbed her by the waist. Lily gasped a little into his mouth.

Surely this was heaven, Severus decided. He had probably died and gone to heaven, that was it.

But if this was heaven, it was a particularly saucy place, because Lily's hands were now trailing his knee and he was horny as all hell.

"Lily, you can't kiss me like this and then not talk to me tomorrow," he panted.

"Why not? Maybe it's your punishment for calling me that name," Lily whispered back to him. "We'll see…"

Severus groaned and pushed his lips back onto hers. She felt soft and luscious in his arms and he would have wanted nothing more than just roll her down on the sheets and take her.

"Please start talking to me again," he pleaded in between kisses.

"Isn't snogging you a good sign?"

"The best," he agreed.

They kissed for what felt like hours and hours, until Lily finally pulled herself away from him. Her hair was a mess. For a moment they just looked at each other and then burst into laughter. It lightened the room and broke the eroticism of the moment. Things felt playful now, different.

"If that was a punishment, it was the best punishment ever," said Severus.

"Ah, but the real punishment is not knowing whether I'll still talk to you tomorrow."

"You will," said Severus, strangely confidently now. "I don't believe for a moment that you could snog me like that and not want more tomorrow."

"More snogging? You are cheeky!"

Severus brushed some stray hairs out of Lily's eyes.

"I am cheeky," he agreed tenderly. "Just the way you like it."

Lily suddenly looked nervous.

"Seriously, what does this mean now?" She asked him.

"Are you asking me? I thought you were the one who had the answers."

"I just wanted to try it out. But now it feels like… oh Sev, it feels like something has changed, doesn't it? Like we can't go back?"

Lily sounded fearful now. But her cheeks were a little flushed and her pupils were large, and she looked prettier than Severus had ever seen her. He certainly didn't feel fearful as he gazed at her.

"Yes, it does feel like that. In a good way. Like you have to talk to me tomorrow and the day after the tomorrow. And we can continue to do this again and again."

"It wasn't what I intended it to be," whispered Lily. She pressed her head against the nape of his neck, hiding her face.

"Let it be what it is", said Severus. He clumsily smoothed her tangled hair, feeling like his heart might burst out of his chest. He had never felt as happy as he did in that moment.

Lily said nothing for a long time. The sky behind the window was growing darker and darker and Severus felt cocooned into the dim room lit only by the bedside lamp beside them, with Lily in his arms. It had started raining again. Outside he could hear the distant sounds of buses and cars and droplets drumming the window behind the bed. He felt incredibly cosy and grateful. A part of himself couldn't believe he had acted so openly and forthcomingly – and that this was the result.

"All right", Lily whispered finally, lifting her head a little.

"What?" said Severus.

"Seeing as I've, uh, snogged you… I'll give you another chance."

A grin spread over Severus' face.

"As friends?" He checked.

"Is this what you call friends?" Lily asked, cocking her eyebrow.

"You mean…" Severus swallowed. "More than friends?"

Lily just looked at him, a mysterious expression and a hint of a smile on her face.

"Snog me again", whispered Lily.

And he did. The sky behind the window grew jet black and the wind rattled the windows, as Severus Snape kissed Lily Evans, on a bed in a hotel in London. Severus felt like he might burst with happiness at any moment. And as their lips briefly parted, he said something without meaning to - a secret that he had never said aloud before.

"I love you, actually", he whispered against her lips. "I always have."

Lily's beautiful eyes flickered between his.

"Then don't push me away again," she said quietly. "Keep me this time."

"I will – oh, Lily, I will…"

"Swear to me", Lily whispered.

"I swear", Severus said very seriously.

Lily nodded quietly. She let her head rest against his shoulder again. They sat there quietly for a long time after that.

"Severus?" Lily whispered finally.

"Yes?"

"I think… I think I love you too."

And they said nothing more in a very long time. London grew dark and quieter around them, and they were cocooned in that wonderful yellow light of the bedside lamp, the light of which didn't quite reach the corners of the room. Severus didn't quite know how it happened, but they must have laid down at some point and fallen asleep, because next thing he knew it was three o'clock in the night, Lily was lying in his arms on the bed, and the room and street outside were quiet. Severus looked at Lily, whose chest was rising and falling softly. Her hair was spread out on the pillow and she looked absolutely angelic in the yellow light.

"I love you, Lily Evans", Severus whispered into the sleeping girls' ear.

"Always."

And he reached out to turn off the bedside lamp and laid back down to snuggle against Lily.