Solidarity
Author's Note: This is a gift for Ecocattycat on Ao3. :D
~ Tirana Sorki
He's exhausted. Anakin can't remember the last he's slept, but it doesn't really matter. He needs to find a way to keep his children safe. It's eating at him, consuming his every minute of focus. He doesn't know what to do.
And maybe that's a part of how Anakin finds himself aboard his cruiser. Maybe it's partly because Rex has been nagging at him, asking what's wrong and if he can help.
Which he can't. No one can, but that he's asking is enough of itself.
Rex doesn't ask again, and nor do any of the boys. They're quiet, trying to distract him and now, just waiting for Anakin himself to talk.
"Remember what you told me about Saleucami?" Anakin asks finally. "About the clone deserter?"
"I couldn't forget," Rex replies immediately.
"Do you ever think about what you'll do after the war? About what life you would choose, if you had one for yourself?"
"I'd choose this. I'd choose my brothers. That's the only life we've ever had."
"But if you could have more, would you? If..." He sighs. "If you could have a child, would you?"
"I don't know. We've already got the – the commander." He was about to say the kid and barely stopped himself. Anakin smiles a little in memory, despite the way his heart always aches in their little sister's – their daughter's? – absence. "But I imagine some of us... maybe."
Anakin glances in Jesse and Kix's direction.
Jesse shrugs. "What? Don't look at me. My brothers are enough of a handful."
Kix snorts beside him.
Anakin smiles again, strained but there.
"We are clones," Kix objects, "That would be difficult for more reasons than one."
"Really?" Jesse asks. "Why?"
"We age differently, and I don't know what that would mean for them. Besides, they wouldn't be citizens."
Anakin doesn't know what that would mean. If... citizens and non-citizens have a child, there's always a question about what the child's status was. He's heard of it. With slaves.
That's not what the clones are, but... isn't it? It's really the same. They're not slaves in name, but nor are many of the people the Republic has been turning a blind eye to. Between being Kaminoan property, and the way people look down on clones in their... lack of normal citizenship, he doesn't know.
"What would it mean for one of us to have a kid?" Jesse inquires. "Legally?"
"I don't know," Rex replies, "Nat-borns don't look on clones very well."
No kidding.
Anakin's a nat-born in a sense, but he only has one parent, too. He's just like them, except he has a mother instead of a father. "Legally, I don't... know what it would mean for you," Anakin admits, "I think it could cause legal complications."
Because technically the child would be half-property, as infuriating as that is.
"Good thing none of us should need to worry about it, then," Jesse comments.
But Anakin does – maybe. He never thought about it until right now. He doesn't know if he was ever legally made a Republic citizen. Since he was a Jedi anyway, it wouldn't really have mattered. Qui-Gon freed him but if he doesn't have Republic citizenship – which is an if, but still - then he legally he probably belongs to the Jedi. So what does that mean about his own children?
"I only have one parent also," Anakin tells them, "I'm not a clone in the same sense as you are but it's... similar."
"You are?" Jesse asks, surprised.
Kix looks just as startled.
"I know you've mentioned your mother before," Rex says, "I didn't know you were her... clone?"
"I could say that I am," Anakin replies, "In a sense. I might have been altered, but I'm still only her child. That's what being a clone means." It's not quite the same, but really, the idea is similar enough that Anakin sometimes thinks it makes him feel even more similar to the clones than he already does.
He's not a clone of Jango Fett, and nor was he raised as a soldier, but that doesn't mean he doesn't understand so much of what they've gone through, of where they are. Because he does.
"So, it's the same except that you... weren't born in a tube?" Kix clarifies awkwardly.
"Basically," he replies dryly. Which leads back to the question about his children. Does his status mean that they're going to be freeborn? The first freeborn Skywalkers in... he doesn't know how long.
"Didn't realize you were... so much like us," Jesse supplies.
Anakin offers him a small smile. The clones have given him a sense of friendship and connection that he's never truly had with any of the Jedi.
"We're the same in more ways than we realize," Anakin replies. There's an understanding between them he never could have with any Jedi because their backgrounds are too different. And he doesn't need to worry about them judging him for things the Jedi would... which brings him back to the present issue of his children.
Talking about something like this is potentially risky but at the same time, once his children are born he's going to be thrown out of the Order anyway. Even if the boys started whispering to each other and word got out, by that point the Council would already know.
"This is something I would prefer no one else hear about," Anakin starts slowly, "But... I'm going to be a father."
Rex blinks at him, then laughs. "Well, I guess we've all heard stranger things," he replies, "Always knew it could happen sometime."
Considering that Rex already knows about Padme, it's not surprising he's taking it so in stride.
"But – what does that mean?" Jesse splutters, "I mean – "
"You don't need the answer to that," Kix interrupts.
"But I mean how did that happen - I thought – I thought Jedi had some strange – "
Rex is glaring at him and Jesse closes his mouth.
Anakin just laughs. "Yes, it is technically not allowed for Jedi but it... happened. It's a long story."
"Oh," Jesse says, a little stupidly.
He should tell them what it is about this that has him so concerned.
"It's just," he goes for finally, "I've been having... dreams. Visions. Of... something happening to them. Even if they make it, I don't know what'll happen to them." He never saw his child dying, but if Padme died... there is a low chance of his daughter making it. And if she did, he can't – how could he raise her? How could he raise their daughter alone, knowing this is how Padme died? Because he...
How could he raise a child if he couldn't protect his mother? His padawan? His wife?
"I'm worried for them," he confesses, "And... if they do make it, I still don't know what it would mean."
"Are we getting a niece or nephew?" Jesse asks, unperturbed by Rex's glare.
"Is she your niece, or your sister?" Anakin asks, smiling wistfully.
"I don't know, sir," Kix replies dryly, "You're certainly more a father than Jango ever was, but I still babysit you like the shinies."
Anakin laughs. It feels like he hasn't laughed in a long time. "Well, somebody has to keep you on your toes." Reality is Jesse does that enough, but Kix is too entertaining to not tease.
"You are really good at that," Kix agrees.
"I don't think you need to worry about your daughter," Rex tells him honestly. He loves that about the clones – they're always so honest, so untouched by the confusing contradictions of the rest of the army. Even the Jedi are falling. It's not something Anakin wants to face, but it's a fact.
They put him on the Council, despite it being fully against their beliefs, and refused to make him a master. They broke their own rules twice. For him. To make it obvious that he's not a part of them, that he never will be, no matter what he's done and given for them. No matter how hard he's tried.
Anakin pushes that away as sharply as he can. He doesn't want to distract himself, and it hurts to much for him to even know how to start explaining right now.
"Really," Rex adds, "She'll be the most protected kid out there. Any of us would die for her."
"And I hope I'll never have to ask that of you. She deserves a life of peace. Something without fear and worry." Anakin sighs again. "I don't know where she'll stand as a citizen, either. I'm..." He's a Jedi. He was never accepted as a citizen.
"We'll protect her," Rex promises, "From the Republic if we have to. She's our family, too."
Anakin nods to him, tears of gratitude pricking his eyes. He feels their loyalty, their devotion to someone they've never met, and possibly never will – to another member of their family, because to them, family is more than blood.
And Anakin is one of them.
Somehow.
He's got so many of them killed, but they love him all the same.
They believe in him, look up to and respect him no matter what he's caused or done.
They love him.
They love his daughter, too.
And they're not wrong – she will be the most adored child in the galaxy. But he doesn't want his little Leia – or will it be Luke? – to see her brothers or uncles die every day, either.
"I know you will," Anakin agrees, "But... I'm worried about her mother. In my dreams... I see her dying. I don't know if... our child will make it."
"Is it... something medical related?" Kix asks.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"I can look them over," he offers, "Even if I know nothing about it."
He appreciates the sentiment, anyway. "Thank you."
"I think I may actually like the thought of raising a child," Rex supplies at last. "From birth. It's not the life we were raised for, but I..."
Well, of everybody, Rex is one Anakin can easily imagine holding a baby. "You'll help raise Leia," Anakin promises, "I know you will." They'll be beside him the entire time. Even if something happens to Padme, his child will be safe and loved.
Even if she'll never get to know her mother.
If she survives.
"I think I would like that," Rex agrees.
This is what would happen if a clone ever had a child, he knows – there's a low chance of the child's survival. Even their mother – either aging is warped, and Anakin has no idea if it would even...
The fear is overwhelming. Smothering.
He hopes none of them will ever have to feel like this.
"I don't know," Jesse says blithely, "I think we're ready to be uncles."
Kix smacks his shoulder. "Speak for yourself."
They're not really his brothers – they're not his sons or friends, because they're all of them in one, in the same way it once was with Ahsoka, but in the end, it's just him and Rex and Jesse and Kix, and Anakin knows whatever path it is ahead of them, they'll walk it together, because they all belong to each other.
They always have.
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