"Fitz, my boy"

"Hi Honey, how are you?"

"Hey, Gerry. Hey, mom," he said uneasy, returning his mother's hug, an awkward nod directed to his father, "let me take these mom," he grabbed the shopping bags she was carrying. Judging by their weight, his parents -his mom- had spoiled the little boy.

He never had any major issues with his parents, they balanced each other's character fairly well even when he didn't always understand how they were still married- where his mother was very nurturing, maybe over compensating, his father was a lot more reserved. Old school. He was building a man he said, even when he was a young boy- even younger than Ryan, his father always thought him to toughen up. Swallow your feelings, you're a man. It was one of those things from his life he changed when he became a father himself. He never wanted his son to resent him like he did Gerry sometimes. His mom on the other hand was always there to put a band aid when Big Gerry's words went too far, cut too deep.

His father was the main reason he had joined the army, Fitz's only condition was to serve anywhere his father didn't have a hand. That's how he ended up enlisting amongst the Air Force. At the time, flying and studying the law were the main components of his life until he worked out the nerve to ask out the woman who would turn up to be his wife. It was an entire work around to build a life he wanted instead of the life his old man had paved for him. Unlike his sister and his brother, he didn't take it well having his father meddle in every aspect of his life. He had to work his way up every ladder and he didn't care, being cut off from his family's wealth never bothered him either. Almost everything was restored when his son was born and he had strong suspicions his mother had a lot to do with it. He learned that he appreciated any and everything a lot more when he had earned them. Ironically, it was a core value Gerry ingrained in him.

Fitz had agreed to having two separate events on the sole condition they didn't last an eternity. Liv was quick to jump on the wagon. They just wanted them done and over with for them to relax and enjoy the aftermath as a family.

His mother's relationship with his son was as he expected it -she always showered her grandson with love and attention- and even if he could see his father was making efforts in building a relationship with his son, he refused to surrender and break down the walls. He knew the old man was still pissed they didn't go with naming their son Fitz III but to him it was a hard no. Liv had suggested it, even pleaded with him but he put his foot down.

He wanted a new legacy. He wasn't running for office unlike his father, grand father and his brother. He wanted his kids to have a say, become whoever they wanted to be, never wanting to pressure them into an inherited path.

Earlier in the day, before his siblings started showing up, they had had lunch and cleaned the kitchen before they went to pick up one of the cakes they had ordered last minute and he had spent the last hour busying himself in the kitchen. He was the coffee and tea expert but he especially wanted to calm his nerves while Liv briefed the little boy and instructed him to behave. Facing big Gerry was something he was able to do in the past, and it took him a lot of self control not to snap at him, or raise his voice. His biggest challenge was to stay unfazed no matter what he would throw at him. He wasn't quite sure he was ready for it. He just had to pull it somehow.

Now that his family was there, he finally really understood why having too many people over, even if for his son's birthday party, was a bad idea. He watched as Big Gerry went over to the bar and grabbed the scotch bottle before turning towards him. He knew that look. Only two tumblers were missing. He already knew what it would entail. He braced himself.

"Care for a drink?"

"No," he hesitated before adding, testing the waters, "I don't drink anymore."

His father's reaction was true to his character. It was the side he hated in him.

"You don't do anything fun anymore," his father admonished, shaking his head disapprovingly.

There it was. The look of disappointment.

He tensed. He was thorn between feeling shame and the slight anger that was creeping up like a ghost, slight flames awaiting to burst. Threatening everything in their wake. The last thing he wanted to feel was this. Just as he was about to say something - and he wasn't sure what to say as he somehow was trapped between feeling like a small boy and the resentment he felt as an adult-, a smaller familiar hand appeared on his side, squeezing him slightly as an indication to just drop it. It wasn't worth it, she smiled at him, furtively reminding him of the mission at hand. They were synching back up. You don't change a winning team. He sighed, his free hand holding her close to him.

Bigger picture. Bigger picture. Bigger picture. It was like a mantra by now. It was what was going to keep him going this week end. He had spent the night tormenting, overthinking every scenario, anything anyone could throw at him. Trying desperately to find a comeback, an answer to any question thrown his way. Liv had reassured him time and again but his brain was fired up.

"Gerry, Catherine," Liv said sweetly, "thanks for coming, how are you?"

"Liv, dear, come here." Fitz's mom always loved Olivia, which warmed his heart. It was always a sight for him to see both women with such a strong sincere bond. Liv and Gerry on the other hand could get along fairly well but the relationship was always rocky and Fitz couldn't blame her. They were both strong headed and his wife wasn't the type to surrender or be walked all over. It was his father and sometimes he could barely stand him. Father and son got along better as long as they weren't under the same roof. He watched with a smile as his mom and wife embraced for a minute too long, before Liv turned to return Gerry's acknowledgment.

"Come on in, we were just about to have desert and drinks," she said grabbing her husband's hand, leading them to the dining room," Ryan is with his cousins, oh yeah sorry Peter and his wife, and Amelia and her husband and the kids are already here"

"Wonder when that little guy will have siblings," mumbled Gerry under his breath.

But it wasn't lost on any of them. While Fitz clenched his fist, Liv just rolled her eyes. She was used to the old man's snide remarks, over the years she managed to ignore him completely.

It was her son's birthday party, and she was going to put off any fires her father in law would start. What was rather funny was their relationship had improved while Fitz was missing but Big Gerry was quick to get back to his old ways. Old habits truly die hard.

As they were sitting at the table, the little ones occupied themselves at the small table and chair set Ryan had gotten, allowing the adults to discuss whatever they wanted without prying ears.

"So, Fitz, when are you going back to work?" started Big Gerry.

Just as he uttered those words, Fitz could feel his wife's hand on his thigh, the gentle squeeze she gave him again wasn't lost on him. He put his hand on top of hers, a silent acknowledgment to her silent plea. "I'm not yet cleared"

They expected the inquisition, they didn't expect it just as they sat down. It was something they expected as glasses would empty out or as they walked his parents and bid them good night. Not as they barely sat.

"Oh come on, you know those are basic standard procedures, I can get you cleared tomorrow. What's your real excuse?"

The silence around the table was deafening. His siblings were used to it and despite years of marriage his brother in law and sister in law still felt they were trespassing. Witnesses to intimacy.

This time, it was Olivia's turn to interject. "Gerry, as he said, he's not ready yet, he hasn't been cleared yet. When he decides he's ready that will be another discussion"

"If he stays like this, he'll never be cleared, he'll never be ready to-"

"I just said I wasn't ready, if you can't accept that dad well that's just too bad," he said standing up, heading to the kitchen. He needed the space.

It felt like being naked, on display for strangers to stare at.

He hated it. He hated feeling like this. He hated not being able to take it in. It felt like he was validating everything his father was saying. He left like the failure that he was. He drew in a long, deep breath, he was feeling the tips of his fingers tingling, he could feel the blood rushing in his head, the vein pulsating. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead. He was forcefully blinking, a battle to say within the realm of consciousness. He was angry. He wasn't a little boy anymore, he understood today was about his little boy. His breath was shallow, ringing in his ears yet he could hear her. Her voice wasn't screaming, yet she wasn't just admonishing like she did when she spoke to their son. There was something else to it but he couldn't properly make up the discussion happening nearby.

He closed his eyes, gripping the countertop, willing the tornado inside him to just go away. Settle down. Save what little face was still there. He could do it- for another hour or two, right? Ryan was worth so much more. He needed to calm down, but his body could light up half the town.

It's her hand on his back, and like fingers snapping, almost instantly, he knew where he was. The circle patterns, encouraging words whispered, her sweet familiar scent. His anchor in the storm. She stopped so many raging winds, so many storms, so many thundering hearts, even the occasional tears that managed to escape. She saw the absolute lowest points of his life, yet he never saw pity in her eyes, she never left him. What did he do in life to deserve her? He wasn't sure but he'd do it again and again.

.You had it easier, you never disappeared, you never had to wonder whether you'd make it back alive to your wife and kid. You didn't leave a baby behind to come back to a little boy. You don't know what he's feeling. You'll never be man enough to go through what he's battling. You didn't even bother speaking to his doctors or try to understand. No, that's beneath you and we get it. Don't you dare ever disrespect him like that under his roof.

He was stunned. He was usually the one standing up to his father while she i preferred to ignore him. He rarely saw her with fury in her eyes. Her touch was soft but her eyes could shoot daggers. She was whispering through gritted teeth, an effort to contain their argument.

"Your only job Gerry today was to celebrate the first birthday your grandson will remember having with his dad. Your only job was to show up and be happy, take pictures, spend time with Ryan, be there for Fitz, but I guess even that's too much to ask"

"I want what's best for my son"

"Your son, my husband, is doing-"

"Gerry," he interrupted them, he didn't want to hear what Gerry had in mind. He didn't need to, he didn't care for it. He heard the same serenade all his life, he escaped that very serenade the first chance he got. It was his son's birthday and if his father was about to make it all about him, he'd have to ask him to leave. "I know I can't ask you to care or step down or behave yourself and act like a devoted grand father to my child but if you start acting all high and mighty you can leave."

Gerry was dumbfounded. He knew his old man well enough to bet he wouldn't try to make a scene, not with little kids in such proximity, not with his kids spouses within arm reach. Olivia had seen some of the bad, some of the ugly, she had thicker skin than him, the rest of the family didn't. His father would want to save face more than anything. And that could put down the raging flames that were taking over Fitzgerald Thomas Grant I. If it was possible, steam would come out his ears.

Once his father left, once they were alone, he turned to her. His face features looked even more pronounced, he was exhausted. She knew he was anxious before his family came over, but even before he went missing, she knew it took a lot of self control for him to face Gerry. She knew if there weren't any guests in their home, he would take Ryan to the swing in the backyard and just spend time with his son, maybe play ball with him. She knew he was trying hard, she wished his father could see just what it took. That he could see the bravest man alive, the man she would and could give anything for.

"You stood up to Gerry, that hasn't happened in a long time," he says, taking her in, "you stood up to him for me, that's a first," his fingers tracing the side of her face, cupping her cheek, his finger gently tracing the soft skin, "my Livie."

She leans into his touch, a soft smile stretching her full lips, "well he dared disrespect my husband, the father of my child," her eyes spark in a way that makes fireworks go off in his entire being, even as years have passed, she still has that hold on him, she owns him, yet he's sure she doesn't know the power she holds over him, "and he implied a bunch of misogynistic crap I don't put up with. But Fitz, you have to know, he wasn't like this while you were missing. He's dealing with you being back in his own way I guess," she sighs, looking down.

Even through everything, she still makes an excuse, still tries to plead with him. This time not for the sake of their son, but for the sake of his relationship with his father. She never ceases to amaze him.

He nods, resting his forehead gently on top of hers. Of course he knows, it used to be way simpler being the bigger person. It certainly didn't use to drain him. He takes her hand, a soft kiss to her knuckles, next to where her rings are sitting. He turns around, opens the cabinet in front of him, he knows it's a lost debate, he knows he has to calm down the express way. He'd sneak out for a quick run or snatch his child to play and think of something else but he knows better. Be the bigger person. He grabs the orange bottle and pops the lid open, he knows the after effect is light, day medication doesn't make him sleepy. He barely takes them during the day, but right now he needs to extra help.


It's later in the day, late afternoon. His siblings and their families have left, his parents have left. It still pains him to read the I'm sorry's in his mom's eyes. He just nods, their way of communicating. A stolen glance at Olivia, and he knows his mom is so grateful he made her his wife. She knows he's in good hands.

Still, his father's words are ringing in his ears. In a way, deep down he knows he's right. It's a discussion he's got to have with Liv. It never felt right for him to stay home while his wife went to work but at the same time he knows he doesn't really have a choice. He couldn't even fathom what would happen if he can't control himself while he's outside. Staying home for the time being also allowed him to stay with Ryan, rebuild a relationship with him, so far it worked just fine, the pair was inseparable, as if the young boy was as eager to make up for lost time.

Exceptionally, Liv was in charge of bed time, having insisted on leaving him to his own thoughts, letting him process what transpired during the day. He would have preferred being splashed with soapy water than alone overthinking but at least it gave him time to think what he needed to tell her through. The microwave's beeps snap him from his thoughts in time for him to grab the wine bottle and her signature glass; his way of gently bribing her.


A/N: Hi hello! I stopped here because lisbeth told me i've been gone too long :D but you have around three weeks (I think?) of writing while I commute to work- if you ever wonder when i write these it's mostly in the morning and on the way home on my phone. Speaking of home, thank you to every reviewer who wished me luck on the move and congratulated me on the new apartment I really appreciate it !

The next chapter will pick up from here and I know you guessed what these two will discuss. If It seems that Liv is defending Fitz a lot it's on purpose. I've been coming across Olitz scenes the past few weeks and it's reminded me just how much Fitz fought for her in the show- also I promise i'll be back hopefully before end of month.