by The Pighead

I told you I was bothered about me not being able to publish as much as I want. You want a proof of that? Originally, I wanted to make this story a one-shot. But since I realized it had a good stop, I've decided that fuck it, I was about to make this a two-parter. So, here's the first part.

This story is about the creation of the Multiverse Squad, the antiheroic (sort of) counterpart to the Multiverse Warriors that Ficboy teased in prior stories of his. He allowed me to do it, which was nice, and here is the result. Also, thanks to L1701E for the suggestions he did to me, two members of the final team are here because of his suggestions and it's also very nice!

Anyway, let's not waste any more time. Enjoy, everyone!


Earth-2215217820

The Meddler was pissed. This time, she wasn't bored or annoyed or passively angered by something, she was downright pissed off.

The reason for it was simple : she was ruminating on the fact that she got taken out of the battle against DIO in only a matter of seconds (even if it started to be weeks since it happened but Pighead always had the tendancy to held on things, even when she really shouldn't). Her ! An author, a Monk, one of the most powerful motherfuckers on this entire Multiverse, defeated by a clown with a tacky dress sense, a wannabe God who wasn't even supposed to lay a punch on her ! It was because of people like her and their appreciation for fools like him that he was even able to keep existing, how dare he ?

Plus, how the fuck did the « One-Cool-Guy-Two-Kids-And-Some-Wankers » team managed to actually defeat him when they weren't even at a fraction of her power ? That was character assassination, that's what it was ! Goddamn stupid fights against goddamn stupid gods or pseudo-gods that should have no business causing her trouble but, since she's not the one writing the goddamn story, of course, it causes her goddamn trouble !

She'll put a bullet in his head later. That'll teach him.

But, to come back to the subject at hand (and also because trying to remind her and all of you of her shortcomings in battle wouldn't be wise because of her mood), the fact is that this personal defeat soured her even more than before on the Warriors. Because, in addition to them stealing a moment that should have been hers, they weren't the type of people she wanted to hang out with. The initial process of meeting them ? Started out fine but it just became exhausting as it was dragging out… and frankly, she couldn't get the exact reason why but what bores all of those people were !

They were focused and knew what their goals were, yes, but she never had the impression of meeting human beings. Always talking about « We shall do this, we need to stop them because else, they'll do this, it's important that we fight this guy » and it was getting on her nerves. They were talking dramatically but there was no humor, no theatrics, no flair to their speeches, there was no opportunity to have a real conversation if it was about anything else than the current mission or to be surprised at things that everyone should be used to, by this point, it's like everyone is rediscovering it each fucking day ! Y'know, instead of actually trying to do more, to explore, to do useful things.

Her thoughts, not mine. Plus, it's convenient for her to forget that she actively went out of her way to ignore or disrespect everyone.

« Because they're boring. Shut up. »

Anyway. This was one of the days in which she needed to do something to actually be in a good mood (other than taking her Chicory pills). Fortunately, she knew what to do. In fact, she just finished said task and had a smile on her face because this time, she was back at doing something fun.

Early on, Ficboy wanted to create more than one team : in addition to the Warriors, there was those teams of anti-heroes and animal heroes, respectively, that he wanted to do (what was the next step ? The team of baby heroes ?). Since he didn't stop to think about who he thought about for the former project, she decided that this one, this Multiverse Squad, would be the project she would lead. He wouldn't even need to think about it : before he could even say « Smitty Werbenjagenmenjensen », he would have his team of anti-heroes delivered to him in a platter !

Now, she had her definitive line-up and was pretty satisfied of it. There was some names she had to let out of it (Lupin didn't fit her definition, she doubted Shadow would be even interested, Spawn had way too much power to her liking… also, even if it broke her heart a little bit, she had to cross Wade off of the list. But she and her beloved Dr. Lovepool would definitely meet in-person, one day, she promised it to herself !) but at the end, it was a good list.

She just needed to ask a last question.

« Hey, you bunch of assholes, excuse me, do you think I need to add more people to it as members ? »

The low-level managers of Vought International that were currently present in the meeting room didn't respond at all. The main reason for it was that it was kinda hard to respond to something when you were currently forcefully sitting down on chairs after having been bloodily killed. Including being decapitated and having your head reattached on your body with duct tape to pretend you were still alive, because it was funny to the person that did it.

« Thank you !, Pighead answered. See, when you shut your mouths, you're able to provide good ideas, for once ! »

One of the managers' heads came off from his body and fell to the ground, rolling for some seconds. The disgusting noises made by it were the only ones made in the room.

« HAHAHAHA, OK, yeah, thanks, Kenneth, it was funny ! »

At least, that Earth could provide her some entertainment. It was that or going to Butcher's home and kicking his ass unprovoked. Which she was very eager to do, since all the « important » people of this universe made her just want to nuke the whole planet (or to invite the Anti-Monitor to destroy it himself, despite him being one of the few beings to make her genuinely uneasy).

But, you know, she couldn't respond to any problem by just kicking people in the faces. Even if she wanted to.

Anyway. She was on a mission, now, and it would go fast and smooth. Exactly the way she likes.


Earth-3874

If Axel was happy about one thing, it was that he didn't have to think about the possibility of causing two people to become amalgams since years and years.

Also, the fact that he also didn't have to worry about invasions or cosmic shenanigans since so long.

He wasn't really sure how did he managed to still have this universe he created after the way it was brought into existence, the invasion led by Darkseid… but he felt more than content with it. Someone uninformed could just look at it and think « Oh, these are just weird fusion clones of well-known heroes from other Earths ! » but Axel knew them and he could tell you in detail why this wasn't the case. Their quirks, ways of speech, mannerisms, hobbies… that was them and only them, he knew what they were and that's all the little things that made them more than just amalgams.

So, yeah, he was happy about all of this. In fact-

« Oï ! S'cuse me, man, is life good for you ? »

It seems that I'm not even allowed to narrate properly without being interrupted, now. Great.

Axel was interrupted in his thoughts by a certain pig-masked, flannel-wearing woman that suddenly appeared on the rooftop of the building he was sitting on. He frowned.

« Oh, come on, she asked while her elongated smile was still present, why are you acting so grim ? I was just saying « Hello », that's all ! Jeez Louise, no one can say shit to people, these days… »

« Who are you ?, simply responded Asher.

« Who am I ? Simply someone who is passing by. Someone who knows a lot, is doing a lot and wants to meet a lot of people. Or more simply, you can call me God. Or Pighead, it works too. »

He raised an eyebrow. If it truly was God, he wasn't sure if this is a form and personality the Lord would have took.

« God is a woman, it's Ariana Grande who said it. You really want to deny the truth of her good word ? »

« If you say so, Axel responded in a deadpan voice. So, if you're God, for what reason did you decide to go down to Earth and meet a mere mortal like me ? »

« A mere mortal. Please. I love when people play coy with me but I wouldn't be here if you were only a mortal, Axel. Or should I say « Access », maybe ? »

The aforementionned raised an eyebrow.

« How do you… »

« God. I told you. Try to keep up. »

The answer was vague, which didn't help Axel to be at ease.

« You haven't responded to my question, you know ? »

The Meddler snickered.

« I can give you that. But, since I was about to say it anyway… let's say that I'm wandering the Multiverse in order to research kindred spirits of sorts. Y'know, since the Snap, there's lots of opportunities that have been opened for all of us and I wish to use them at their fullest. Especially since a lot of people want to take them all away from us. I need people who have experience and are not afraid to fight dirty and you're exactly among the type of guys I need for that mission. »

At least, he could concede that it was a better explanation.

« I'm not really sure. I mean, for sure, I know about the Multiverse since years and years but it was a long time ago. »

« You fought against Darkseid and survived and, still to this day, you're still doing hero stuff. I think you'll be fine, really. Like, I really need a leader with all this knowledge for the team I want to create and you have this profile. »

Pighead pulled out of her pocket a watch and gave it to Axel.

« So, yeah. I don't like intros that are too long, especially since we will have all the time to know each other in the future. But at least, you have enough informations to take a decision. If you decide to take me on my offer, use this little baby. Earth-1754, you go on the big building that looks like a factory. That's where my HQ is. »

And, without much fanfare, she snapped her fingers and disappeared, leaving Axel with his thoughts and the strange offer he just received.


Earth-1992

Her second pick had been more difficult to find. Which was surprising, considering who he was, but after she did some research about where he was coming from and what he lived recently, she could understand.

But now, she had his position, she knew where he was and she was sure that he wouldn't refuse what she has to offer.

Pighead teleported inside an empty warehouse. As she thought, it smelled bad. There were dozens of bloody corpses, there was a lot of exposed organs and it was a really messy scene, to put it politely.

It looked like him, alright.

The Monk heard the sound of a lighter and grinned. Immediately, she went towards the source of the noise and started clapping while a big, muscular silhouette was starting to take shape.

« Splendid ! Absolutely fucking splendid ! It only makes me even more convinced I was right to bet on you ! »

The silhouette that was smoking a cigar, leaning against a wall, turned towards her and approached. He was a man with pale skin, red eyes, barbarian-style long black hair, a bushy beard and mustache and he was dressed like a biker.

« You'd be right to think so, lady, the man said in a casual, almost uninterested voice. You're here to ask for a contract ? M'pretty sure ya wouldn't come all the way here if it was just fer small talk. »

In response, the Meddler grinned.

« Ah, yeah. Always your good ol' professionalism, ain't it ? I wonder if your people were the same, Lobo. Like, your other selves are but does it count ? I dunno. »

The last Czarnian only grunted in answer. Pighead continued before he got bored.

« But yes, you're right, I'm actually here to propose you a contract. See, I've only noticed recently that with your Earth disappearing off the radars of absolutely everyone, there was a lot of people from here who reappeared on other Earths, so I thought : why not taking advantage of it ? If you accept to work for me, I can give you a lot of money AND try to investigate your world's disappearance. Plus, I love people who embrace chaos and would be more than willing to let you cause exactly that ! What do you say ? »

That last sentence made Lobo raise an eyebrow and grin. It was pretty rare that someone would directly tell him that they wanted him to stir shit on purpose so, at least, that was something to consider.

« I say that I would be willing to let ya five minutes. »

Pighead immediately slapped on Lobo's shoulder.

« Ah, I love meeting reasonable people. See, I'll need you to come to my headquarters later but I'll still start explaining here… »


Earth-10036, Devil May Cry' main office

« So, I've looked at all your papers. Have to say, lady, you're the first client who comes here and throws a whole bunch of it at my face just to tell me you want me to be a member of a team. The Multiverse stuff, that was easy, I already know my ways around it but still – oh, before I forget, if you really want me to consider your offer, it would be positively really cool if you weren't eating the entire pizza. »

Pighead, who was about to eat one more slice (and do it as loudly as she did the others), put it back in the box after five seconds while looking at the person who just told him that (aka Dante, half-demon bounty hunter extraordinaire).

« OK, OK. At least, let it not be said that I'm unreasonable… still, I snapped this pizza into existence. Anyway ! »


Earth-192

When a knock was heard on the door and Billy opened it, he saw nothing except for a package with a letter plastered on top of it. It read like this :

Hello,

You don't know yet who I am, but I watched you and your pal Mandy with great interest recently. I believe you are exactly the type of people I'm searching for and that your talents would be more suited to… bigger things.

Now, if you want to know what I'm talking about, look at what's inside the package. Earth-1754, big building that looks like a factory. I'll be waiting for you.

Regards,
Lil Yool

P.S : I'm not sure you'll be able to torture rich old men all the time but I can find a way.


Earth-1984

The fact that she came here in the first place was a proof that, deep down, the Meddler probably wanted to be slapped in the face.

She was disguised to avoid being recognized but still, she came to a place in which she caused mayhem recently. Though, now, I'm expecting her to travel with a sign that says « Hit me, please » at any time.

The worst was that it wasn't even the most ridiculous thing at the moment. That would rather be the fact that she was juggling with a bunch of trash she found while having her underwear on her face and doing so on the rhythm of « I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) », by Pitbull. Which was after other attempts to do ridiculous things in order to summon the one she wanted to talk to.

She certainly liked doing ridiculous stuff, but not having the results she wanted was just making her less and less patient and she certainly didn't like that.

Goddamn, I swear that if he doesn't come right now, I'm crossing him off the list and I'm trying Shadow.

After some seconds, Pighead started hearing clapping. Really sarcastic clapping. Then, a creature appeared out of thin air. A tall creature who looked like a mishmash of body parts from different animals and with a pretty dopey look. She recognized him immediately.

« Discord. God of Mischief. I was expecting you sooner. »

« Avoid the pleasantries, the aforementionned responded with an uncharacteristically cold tone of voice. See, habitually, I would start messing with you a little… but the man narrating right now has a point. You seriously have nerves, to come back here after we had to face the monster you sent here. »

…well, I won't lie, I appreciate being noticed, for once.

« You defeated him, Pighead responded, and everything turned out fine at the end. I knew how it would end, so of course, I wasn't concerned ! »

« Well, thanks for your trust, Your Highness, the Draconequius responded sarcastically, but I would like you to give me a reason not to tell the Princesses you're here ! »

The Meddler sighed heavily.

« Well, if you want it, I'll say that I have an offer for you. If you want to judge how apparently distrustful I am, that'll give you a good opportunity to see me in my daily life. Not to mention the money I have. You will be free to give everything to Equestria if you need to repair shit. Also… »

« Also ? »

« You're a reality warper like me, which means that you probably know my identity and the things I did. With all the powers you have, it wouldn't surprise me. Which means you probably know what I can do to other Gods who tried to act all haughty on my face. Or maybe you want me to explain what I did to Ishtar once everyone turned their backs ? »

Her smile becomes elongated for some seconds before coming back to normal.

« But, if everything goes well, we won't need any of that ! You want to know more about me, despite the fact that I can't feel you don't trust me ? This might be your only chance. »

A part of Discord's brain wanted to tell her off, to just do what he should do and say that she was here and needed to be stopped. The other part, however, was telling him that she had a point. He had a chance to know why did she do this and to directly know how to defeat her. Last time, Discord was tricked into following an eviler villain but this time, he will be the one to trick the eviler villain (or whoever she was) and to pull a Lord Tirek on her !

This time, he had the chance to do something that would help everyone. Nevermind that an important lesson that needed to be remembered was that overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer. Even when you were a God.

Ultimately, Discord made a choice.


Earth-1311911

Sometimes, all a man wanted to do was to walk in the streets and dance like he was owning the place. Even if said man knew for sure that it wasn't the case, it wasn't a problem at all !

However, when a large red octogonal « STOP » sign appeared in front of him, followed by a pie being thrown at his face and then, a woman coming out from behind the sign with a smug smile on her face, the green-masked man could agree that this was actually a slight problem that presented itself (and herself) in front of him, suddenly.

« Howdy, Stanley. You mind giving me 5 minutes ? »


Earth-21132181

The Meddler could now cross off several things from her list of things she always wanted to do. Wearing a full black suit. Talking to someone she wanted to recruit at a bar. Flirting with someone she wanted to recruit at a bar. Having passionate sex with someone she wanted to recruit at a bar. Being a self-indulgent bisexual.

« You know, I don't say this often, these days, but… I'm happy it happened like that. »

In fact, if she listened to herself, she would just drop the mission and keep spending the rest of the day laying in the bed of the hotel room with the absolutely breath-taking woman that was also laying down next to her.

« Were you that desperate, darling ? Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it's not often that I can feel someone clinging at me so tenaciously during sex. »

In response, the Meddler laughed, more softly than usual, before planting a kiss on the lips of her current partner.

« Maybe I am. But my point, Cereza, is that I'm grateful to have the chance to get to know you this way. »

Bayonetta, the most famous of the Umbra Witches, raised an eyebrow, amused.

« At least, I can say that this is an original way to ask me to be part of a team. Are you searching for people who aren't afraid of any risk ? »

« Oh, it's more than just this, honey. I'm searching for people who are not afraid to be brutal. To be stylish and irreverent. To be ready to get shit done and to not back down against danger. You ? You have all of those qualities in once and all the dangers you've faced show how tough you are. Plus, you already know the Multiverse. I need people who don't need me to explain the whole thing again. You'd be like an advisor for them ! »

The witch listened with attention (while noticing how Pighead was slowly trailing her hand on Cereza's chest). She was used to this type of flattery but the mentions of the infinite Earths were extremely intriguing to her. Her memories of her recent team-up with two of her past selves and several of her counterparts in order to fight against Singularity and the Homunculi were still fresh in her mind and, despite having told Jeanne that it would be nice for both of them to settle down together for some time, she couldn't deny that the itch for adventure was far from being gone.

She started running her hand through the author's messy hair, being the one to laugh.

« I can't believe I will have to lie to people about things… »

« If I can be honest, Bayo'… a lesson I've learned is that we're all liars, one way or another. »


Earth-1999B

Like Axel, the person Pighead was searching for in this Earth was someone who spent a lot of time trying to search for a reality to go and live. Because of it, it took her some time before she managed to find him. But now, she was here, she knew his position and it would not be too long before she could meet him.

For now, she could peacefully walk through the streets of this world's Keystone City. The weather was beautiful, everyone was minding their own business. That made her happy. With luck, once her plans would be fully unraveled, it would be the same on all of the Earths. All of them. The possibility of this happening only made her happier.

There were just those little lightning bolts and similar things that she was seeing around her that were bothering her a little bit.

I know what you did !

A bright portal made of lightning suddenly appeared in front of her after the new voice spoke. She hid her surprise.

I might not know who you are, but…

A red-haired Caucasian man in a bright yellow costume appeared, an expression of worry on his face, trying to approach her.

« …but I know that whatever you've planned, they will all stop you ! »

Pighead said nothing in response. What could she even say ? « No, they won't » ? « I would be bored if they didn't try » ? « I'm doing this for everyone » ? « Why the fuck are you bothering me, Wally, I haven't even cast you into the Speed Force, I'm still trying to figure out an hypothesis on why your world disappeared » ?

Yeah, too much answers for that. So, she decided to just use a simple hand gesture to send Wally West back into the Speed Force and make the portal disappear. She wasn't here for this bullshit.

He wasn't even the Wally she was looking for, anyway. So, she would ignore what just happened, move on and look for the Walter one. Surely, this was a good idea.

Yes, of course.


Earth-215215132

For the last one, she just sent a letter.

She already did a lot and, even if she wanted to see her fight abilities by herself, it would maybe be for another time.

Pighead was still curious about what being a half-ninja taught Roxie Richter when it came to fighting.


And that's all! Now, it's Author's Note time:

- So, the little segment about The Boys... it's both because of the fact that I don't really like the concept of this show (and also the comic-book. I've heard more than once that the show was better but, frankly, if it doesn't interest me in the first place, I can't bother to watch) and because I was suggested to have a scene in which Pighead would look at the names she ultimately didn't choose. Also, Butcher was among the names suggested for the Squad but, again, I didn't want to.

- Access is one of the two that L17' suggested to me. If you don't know, he's one of the main characters of the Marvel vs DC event in the nineties that led to the creation of the Amalgam Universe (which is Earth-3874 in IC, like you surely guessed).

- I mean, c'mon. It's the Main Man. I had to put him in the team. Why is he in the DCAU? Well, I dunno. He just has been here for quite some time before Earth Prime-0 disappeared, which is why he's... well, not in any weird situation.

- Dante was another obvious choice. Of course, I'm using the Dante we all know and love. His reboot version exists, but in an alternate timeline, if you wonder.

- I've decided to use Billy & Mandy both because Mandy is, well... herself. And for Billy, it's because I want to use his characterization from The Infinite Loops, where he is just so stupid that it becomes lethal for everyone. Is it a masterful plan or just a proof that the Meddler just doesn't care? Well, at best, it's a bit of both.

- The segment with Discord follows up on the Jack English plot point and his fight against the Mane Six I've alluded to one or two times. Why does Discord knows that she did it? I'll tell you later but you need to know that it involves a lack of subtlety.

- So, for Stanley (Stanley Ipkiss, the guy from The Mask), I've used his cartoon version. In-universe, it's because the comic-book version becomes more and more of a white supremacist and Pighead (both the Meddler and the Soldier) hates this type of people and because the movie version is still a bit too uncontrollable for her tastes (despite having Billy & Mandy in the team).

- Bayonetta is an obvious choice. And I know there were people who wanted to see her teaming up with Dante and, in a roundabout way, it'll allow for that! Also, as you probably saw, there's some elements of Bayonetta 3 I've changed a bit (I think it's weird that they just decided that the Bayonetta of each game was always from a different dimension. Seems needlessly complicated) or that I'm outright ignoring (listen, this Luka guy is probably not that bad but I dunno, when you have Jeanne... I'm sorry, he automatically loses).

- The second suggestion by L17': Walter West, or Dark Flash. He's an alternate version of Wally West who became more ruthless after his wife, Linda Park, was killed and, for a while, he replaced the main Wally before going back to another universe. Here, he's in Earth-1999B (1999 being the year of his first appearance). Also, the whole scene with Earth Prime-0 Wally West is taken from a scene in Doomsday Clock, except that Pighead replaces Doctor Manhattan here. It also follows what I've established in A New Blitz.

- Finally, we have Roxie from Scott Pilgrim. For the Earth of the franchise, I've decided to use the 2023 anime as its Prime timeline. I haven't watched it but, from all I saw, it really interests me so I wanted to do that (the timelines of the original comic and the movie still exist, but they're alternate timelines).

And that's all! For the rest, reviews & comments are appreciated and I'll see you later for the second part.

Peace out, y'all.