Familiar but still so different
"And how shall we get past the guards?", I asked Logan as we stopped behind a hay cart which was just searched. Watching the soldiers searching the cart and its owner without any consideration made me feel sick. I already saw us with one foot in prison or in our graves but Logan seemed to be very relaxed. But maybe he just pretended to be.
"Leave talking to me and if they ask you something, just nod."
"So I'm playing the simple-minded companion?"
Logan grinned at me. "Can you do that?"
I just nodded and Logan's grin widened for a moment before he slipped into his role as well, because the cart moved on and we approached the soldiers, while I wrapped the coat tighter around my body and tried to stare around as casually as possible.
"What is your business in the city?", one of the man asked when he had hardly stopped in front of them.
"A warm meal and a soft bed, Sir. My cousin and I are on the journey through to New York. We finally want to see our Majesty's palest with our own eyes." The way Logan spoke had something dutiful about it. Like a boy who was giving account to his father, topped with great admiration and respect when talking about Washington. At least it seemed to be reason enough for the soldier to stay in Boston. He looked us over and asked: "Do you carry any weapons?"
Logan opened his jacket and gave the man his pistol which was looking quite old. "Only for self-defence", he explained while the soldier regarded the pistol and returned it to him.
"You won't need it in the city. If you should carry it visibly, you will be punished."
Logan nodded and hid the pistol under his clothes again. The soldier's eyes turned to me who was staring at a weathered stone in the wall. "Miss, are you carrying any weapons?"
I looked at him and nodded, a stupid grin on my face. The soldier raised an eyebrow and looked at Logan, who immediately answered his silent question. "Yes, unfortunately she's a bit...beside herself, if you know what I mean."
The soldier mumbled something incomprehensible and looked at me again. I still grinned widely although I actually didn't feel like it at all. My heart was in my throat and I hoped that he didn't notice my nervousness which became worse when he came closer and said: "We have to search her anyway."
He reached out a hand for me and in this moment, I had no other idea but to scream at him as loud as I could. The high pitch even hurt in my own ears but I wanted to stop him from searching me by all means. Although I was carrying no weapon, but I neither wanted him to touch me, nor to find what I was wearing under the coat which I began to beat hectically, as if I believed there were any critters which had got there by the soldier's approach alone. He had shrunk back, looking down at himself as if he expected to see the little creatures which I pretended to shake off, still screaming and hiding behind Logan, who laid an arm around me and reassured me until I let the screaming subside to a whimper.
"I am sorry, Sir. She is very fearful when strangers are approaching her. But she's harmless."
"I hope so", the soldier growled. "As long as you are on the journey through, I don't mind. We don't need a crazy woman who's scaring the people."
"This won't happen, I promise."
Again the man grumbled something and I had to pull myself together not to give a sigh of relief when he let us pass. I had put on my stupid grin again and only received derogatory gazes in return which I didn't mind at all. I was just glad that we had made it pass the soldiers.
"Hey, wait a minute."
My heart almost stopped and I gave Logan a nervous glance from the side. He had pressed his lips together, too and I saw his hand twitching underneath his coat where he was carrying the pistol. But when we turned around to the soldier, he was smiling friendly.
"Sir?"
The soldier had followed us, stopped now and put a hand on the handle of his rapier while he looked me over again. Frowning this time. Now it was even harder to keep a dumb face. I just wanted to turn around and run away. Say what you want, I thought while the soldier was silent for quite some time. Then he took his hand off his rapier and shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't mind. Maybe you should arrange a bath for you two. You're looking like a beggar while she's looking like a plucked chicken. Maybe she won't stick out so badly after a bath."
Oh, thank you very much.
"I will take care of it. Thank you, Sir."
The soldier nodded and let us go with a slack gesture.
After we had made some steps and had finally turned into a street, I allowed myself an audible sigh of relief. "That was close. I thought he would..." I paused and gave Logan a confused look. He had started to giggle and finally laughed loud enough for me to look nervously around.
"Jesus, you really scared me", Logan laughed. "When he wanted to search you, I wanted to distract him but you really managed that on your own. The look on his face..." He uttered another loud laugh and I couldn't stop myself from grinning.
"It was the first thing that came to my mind."
"Well, luckily your sweetheart didn't come to safe you."
"I am sure he knew I wasn't in trouble. Normally I don't...shriek...I guess."
Logan laughed again and I raised a hand to cover my mouth to hide a giggle myself. Some passers-by already casted sceptical glances at us. Certainly they thought we were drunk since we were apparently not looking very presentable. We only calmed down when we had already crossed some streets and alleys and only then I took the time to look around. Surprisingly, Boston's centre hadn't changed so much. The streets were full of people as well as the market stands at some corners. Everyone was busy, doings their businesses and appeared to be pleased. The only thing I noticed immediately were the posters. Ezra hadn't exaggerated with saying that Ratonhnhaké:ton's face was decorating almost every house in the city. Every poster was warning about a native traitor and agitator. Whoever brought him to the king's men alive would be rewarded.
"Why is he the only one they are chasing in public?" I asked eventually. "He isn't the only one doing something against Washington."
"But the only one with a face." Like me, Logan had lowered his voice and had an inconspicuous look around while continuing. "He drew attention to himself in the village, killed Arnold...to Washington and his men he is practically the representative of the whole rebellion, just because they couldn't catch one of us or because we left no witnesses. They think they know some names, but it's easier to sic people on a Native than on a fellow countryman."
"And the people believe that?"
"Those who live in the cities do. They are having a very different life here. Safe and without harassments. They are told that the frontier is full of traitors and so they have no idea what's really going on. They are admiring Washington for defeating the British and offering them this life. They don't see his true nature."
I shook my head and looked at the people around me who were having a peaceful life here while the people of the frontier were starving and in constant fear of death. No matter if man, woman or child.
"It's not fair", I murmured. "There must be a way to open their eyes."
Logan shook his head. "I'm afraid there isn't. They are so loyal to Washington that they are ignoring any kind of criticism. We can only fight the evil itself."
And this evil was looking at you from many posters as well. A serious looking Washington, a crown on his head and a sceptre in his hand, promising safety, freedom and a big future to his "people". I felt sick with the look at this propaganda. I tried to ignore the posters while we kept walking through the city. With Logan's words in the back of my mind I now regarded Boston with different eyes. The people seemed to be happy and peaceful, yes. But I couldn't see anyone of those who were not so lucky in life. Who had not enough money to buy a loaf of bread on the market. This wasn't a bad thing but I honestly asked myself where these people were. I doubted that Washington had managed to raise the wealth of everyone in Boston and to get the beggars, orphans and tramps off Boston's streets. At least not with helping them and the thought of what had happened to them instead made me feel sick. I knew exactly what Washington and his men were capable of after all. Maybe the people of the lower social classes had no place in his fortress of peace, safety and big future. This would certainly explain why the soldier at the gate had told us to get a bath and the soldiers who were patrolling everywhere would certainly do everything to keep the people from stepping out of the line.
"I don't want to stay here for long", I murmured and Logan nodded beside me.
"But Boston won't be like this any longer."
We crossed a market place, a broad street and finally we were standing in front of a tailor's shop. Only now I realized that I knew this area and when I read the sign over the shop's window, my heartbeat faltered before it started to rush.
"Frey's Fabrics and Clothes", I read whispering. Maria?
"We should find something for you here...Lillian?"
I hadn't listened to Logan anymore but had hurried to the front door and entered the shop. Inside, everything looked so much like the first and last time I had seen it. I could almost picture myself walking through the shop with Emily by my side and admiring everything. The fabrics, the dresses, the accessories. Only minor things had changed but not the man who was standing behind the counter and gave a friendly smile to Logan and me as we entered.
"Welcome. How can I help you?"
I must stare at Ted as if he was a ghost because eventually, he looked at me confused himself. I tried to pull myself together and to not think about my best friend who could be somewhere here in the shop and that she must be fine since she was living here in the city. So before Ted could think I was the crazy woman I had played at the gate, I put on a smile and stepped to the counter.
"I'm looking for clothes for my husband and me. We have been on the road for quite a long time and unfortunately you can tell it by the looks of our clothes."
Ted nodded slowly, still a friendly smile on his lips. Whatever he was thinking about me, he didn't show it. "In this case, please allow me to go and get my wife. She's the tailor here."
And again my heart made a leap. I could only give a silent nod because I believed my throat was too dry to speak all of the sudden. Ted nodded at me and Logan, who was staying discretely in the background, and disappeared through the door of which I knew that it was leading to the backrooms of the shop. Where Maria and I had sat together, drinking tea and chatting. I hardly felt that my hands were shaking while I kept staring at this door. I was looking forward to seeing Maria again. No matter if she knew me or not. But it turned out differently.
As the door opened, my smile widened for a moment before disappearing entirely. The woman who came out of the backroom and to the counter, smiling friendly at me, wasn't Maria. She had dark hair and dark eyes but they were only external similarities. She wasn't Maria and with this thought I realized that it had been stupid to hope it. Maria had come to America with me after I had wanted to leave my home country. We had met after Ratonhnhaké:ton had brought me to England. I already knew that all of this had never happened here. Certainly Maria was still in England, working as a handmaiden for some rich family and so she had never been able to meet the man she loved. Instead of her, another woman was calling herself his wife now. A bitter realization and I had to force myself to smile at the woman as friendly as she was smiling at me. I had the feeling that Ted had cheated on Maria but this was a stupid thought.
"You are looking for clothes for your husband and yourself?", Mrs Frey tore me out of my dark thoughts and shortly glanced at Logan. I nodded stiffly but added a shake of my head which understandably seemed to confuse her.
"Yes...well...no...I", I stammered and shortly closed my eyes to bring my thoughts in order. I had to stop thinking about Maria, Ted and this woman and concentrate on the really important things. No matter how hard it was. "Well, yes: I am looking for clothes for my husband and me but he" I pointed at Logan. "is my...cousin. Unfortunately my husband isn't here yet."
Mrs Frey nodded slowly. "I understand. And what exactly do you need?"
"Everything." I gave a forced smile. "It doesn't need to be expensive and of high quality."
She nodded again and thoughtfully pressed her lips together as her gaze roamed through the shop. I was glad that she wasn't asking more questions. Certainly it didn't occur often that someone was asking for a whole outfit. Mrs Frye pulled away from the counter and indicated to me that I should follow her. She started to show me some clothes and piece after piece, I collected what Ratonhnhaké:ton and I were going to need to look like normal citizens. But I really did without elaborate decorations on purpose. Because of our purse and with the hope that Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't draw attention like this. But still I was pleased with my choice as Mrs Frey packed the clothes into a bag which I bought as well. I had to give her the whole content of our purse but the clothes were more important for now than the supplies and other things we had wanted to buy with the money.
When we left the shop, I was kind of relieved. This meeting with the "other" Mrs Frey had been very strange and unpleasant. I just hoped that I had been able to hide it. Logan didn't tell me that I had behaved strangely at least. Silently we crossed the streets and finally entered a pharmacy were Logan bough several herbs, salves and bandages to stock up his supplies. As we left the pharmacy, he pushed a little pouch and a jar into my hands.
"You will put the herbs in the pouch into your bathwater and the salve onto the bruises. It will be good for your back."
"Thank you." I smirked. "But a bath sounds too good to be true."
Logan laughed. "You better believe it. The next two days are probably going to be the last pleasant ones before we set off again. You won't be able to have a hot bath again so soon."
"Thank you for lifting my spirits. I really appreciate it."
Logan laughed again and I joined in. It was very pleasant to walk through this strange Boston with him. Our next destination was the southern gate where we were going to meet the others. The soldiers checked us, too but weren't so as critical as their comrades at the northern gate. They just peeked into our bags and beckoned us through to turn their attention to the cart behind us. We passed richly overgrown fields and hardly working farmers, approaching a small group of houses and barns. Only Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon were waiting there for us. You could tell by his looks that Ratonhnhaké:ton was very relieved as he saw us.
"Did everything go well?", he asked when Logan and I reached them and he shortly looked me over as if he expected to find injuries. As annoying as it was sometimes, it always touched me that he was so worried about me.
"Yes", I answered his question with a reassuring smile. "We have everything we need."
"And your beloved is a sly dog", Logan added grinning. "They almost got us at the north gate but she dealt with them on her own."
"Yes, we have noticed that." A faint smile flitted across Ratonhnhaké:ton's lips as he looked at me and made me smirk. He certainly wasn't very surprised about my little show.
"You should get changed then. As soon as the change of guards is done, you can go back into the city."
"And where are the others? Have they left already?", Logan asked Kanen'tó:kon and he nodded.
"It is better for us to go separately. I will go as soon as Lillian and Ratonhnhaké:ton have made through the gate and draw the attention to myself before following you to the meeting point. Nobody will pay attention to them."
"Sounds risky", I said concerned.
"Maybe, but Ratonhnhaké:ton helped me often enough. It is my turn to return the favour."
"Which still does not mean that I like the plan."
Kanen'tó:kon shortly put a hand on Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder as he raised this justified objection. I could imagine that he disliked that his friend was going to step into the line of fire for him but Kanen'tó:kon seemed very convinced by his plan. "I know how to get away from them, brother. Do not worry." He nodded at the barn next to us. "And now get changed. It is almost noon."
Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded shortly, patted Kanen'tó:kon's shoulder in return before opening the barn's gate and closing it behind us again after we had entered it. In the back of the barn, it was filled to the roof with bales of hay and straw. The cart of our little group was standing in the front, still loaded with the tents and other utensils. Even the horses, our Ori:te' among them, were standing here and enjoyed the hay.
"Who owns the barn?", I asked Ratonhnhaké:ton who had already started to empty the bag with our new clothes.
"One of the men", he explained and gave me my new blouse which I put over the cart's axis for now. I didn't receive more of an explanation but it wasn't necessary anyway. The only thing that mattered right now was who was on our side and who wasn't.
"Did they tell you what is awaiting us in the city?", I asked while quickly slipping out of the clothes Ratonhnhaké:ton's mother had given to me and exchanging my old shift for the new one. It made me feel neater because I had worn the old shift long enough. It could need a washing like the rest of our clothes.
"Not more than you have heard yourself. How is it behind these walls?"
And so I told him about my impressions while we kept changing. Ratonhnhaké:ton listened to me attentively, asked occasional questions and appeared to be preparing for a tactical infiltration and basically we did. I had slipped into skirt, blouse and jacket and tied my hair up so that I could put on the dark green bonnet. Normally I didn't like to wear one but I thought it could help with my unsuspicious appearance. However. I somehow managed it to hide my whole hair underneath the bonnet and only tugged out some strands so that it didn't look too meticulous and strict. Ratonhnhaké:ton had turned into a good citizen, too by now. Trousers, shirt, coat and tricorn in plain blue and white colours. I had brought him boots as well which I had got from Ted. They were quite old but would do their job.
"Does everything fit?", I asked and stepped to him to tug at the collar of his shirt. Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded and I took a step back to look him over.
"Do you think I will stick out?", he asked me and I smirked as he stretched his arms out to the side as if he was posing for a tailor.
"I hope not", I said and stepped to him again. "But we should hide this one." I lifted the tricorn and stroked the braid with the pearls and feather underneath it. "Now you should look like a real Boston man."
