AN: In the words of Prof. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! We got a TvTropes page! Courtesy of Pyromania101, like hot damn guys! It's still a baby read at this point, but like all of us at one stage or another, it will grow... Mm, it will grow so fucking big. And Hard... I, uh, I have to go be alone for a bit!

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Extra Disclaimer: This one gets a little graphic, folks! I tried to tone it down, but Steve just wouldn't stop throwin' them lemons at me!

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

The One Where A Collar Snaps


"Dad. What the fuck." Octavia stared at her father from the open bathroom door, eye twitching. She was unable to look away or move. Her father was nude, preening, and had one of the house imps doing...something to his rear end.

"Tavia, language, please." Her father chided as he plucked a stray feather from his cheek. "Darling, if you wouldn't mind, could you close the door? Daddy has a very important meeting tonight–"

"That Imp is coming over again, isn't he?" She groaned, finally tore her eyes away from him to groan into her hands. "Fuck! You actually picked a day that Mom was out to have a fucking hookup? If you'd fucking told me, I'd have made plans–"

"Sweetheart, I love you, but...Well, there's no nice way to put this: you don't have any friends." Dad turned to her, leaning on the bathroom counter with a smirk – how was he able to do that while that Imp had its arm up his – She turned her head away and ignored the heated twist in her gut.

"I have friends." There was...Well, then she could claim...She totally had friends, didn't she?

"Your uncles and cousins do not count as friends, they are family. Believe you me, darling, blood may be thicker than water, but it is no less toxic." Dad sighed. "Our life of luxury is not an easy one. I do apologize you were born into it, but I have kept a grand –"

"Oh, spare me your fucking 'story', Dad. Go ahead and get ready for your fuck session. Jus-Just do me a favor and keep it away from my room?" Octavia sighed and walked away, hugging her arms as she did. She heard him start to say something and then yelp – well, that's what he fucking gets, having an Imp's arm up his ass. An uncomfortable curling centered in her gut.

"Everything alright, Princess?" An Imp servant asked as she passed them. They wore a traditional suit of the buttling variety, dark hair pulled back into a neat ponytail while their red ram-like horns curved close to their scalp. In their arms was a bouquet of red rose petals...Ugh, she knew exactly where that was going.

"Fucking peachy." She grumbled before she stopped. She turned to the Imp. "What's your name?"

"M-My name, Princess?" Oh, fucking–Great. Mother's fucking anger issues and her tendancy to abuse the staff made them wary of her. She just asked a normal fucking question. Ugh, Octavia hates her fucking family, down to the last member.

"Yes. Your name."

"I-I-Itachi." He stammered. "My name is Itachi."

"...Doesn't that mean weasel?" Octavia asked. The Imp, Itachi, gave a weak smile.

"It was that, or my mother would go with Cockchild Servant Number Three." Octavia snorted, which made his smile grow a bit more genuine. She shifted and looked at the roses. He followed her gaze. "Oh, uh, Prince Stolas–"

"I can fucking guess!" She cut him short and then sighed. "Sorry. I just...A lot's going on."

"I understand, Miss." He looked at the roses again and then to her. "Princess, if...Would you like me to bring something to your quarters? Snacks? Tea? Coffee? ...Alcohol?"

"You'd bring me alcohol?" Octavia arched her brow. The Imp's smile turned, well, impish.

"Only if asked, and it wouldn't be anything fancy."

"...You're alright, Itachi." She chuckled. He bowed his head to her and she waved him off. "Go do whatever Dad's asked you to do with that...then bring me something with alcohol in it. And maybe some Honey Beelze-cakes, if there's any in the cupboard."

"A six pack and have the cooks make you some fresh Beelze-cakes. Understood."

"No, I said–"

"Yes, Princess, I heard you. Go finish the request for your father, then bring you a case of chilled beer and fresh honey-flavored Beelze-cakes." The little Imp ran off with another bow and Octavia watched him go. She felt her beak curl up and walked back to her room with her head held high.


"...You have got to be shitting me." Verosika Mayday felt her left eye twitch as she sat on a bench outside of Sluttz Socks n' Shit.

The shopping spree she and her crew were on was now officially unsponsored. How did she know this? Well, her bodyguard – and her new boss' boyfriend – had shown her a post on Voxtagram. It was pretty cute, oh! It was the Virgin Dick! He got an official Voxtagram account – OrangeFuchsRamen, punny! Augh, and look at that goofy 'O' face he used as his profile pic! Ugh, it was going to look so much better in person underneath her, or above her, even in a mirror – and Bee verified it! Sweet!

After she told the others about the development and new medium she could seduce the dick with, Verosika quickly signed in to her account and sent him a friend request, then followed his account. She looked through the posts – yes, oh fuck yes, so many pics for her to flick her bean to – that were already there.

Then, it updated.

OrangeFuchsRamen has updated relationship status to [Committed] with Moonlight_Howling_666.

"Oh, just fucking throw it in my face, why don't you?!" She snarled. She set her phone down and drummed her fingers on her leg. Then, she turned to Kiki, who along with the rest of the Crew, stared at her. "We need to start strong."

"What do you want to do, then?"

"...Where's the nearest Velvet's outlet?" If Verosika was going to seduce this fucking royal virgin, she needed to hit the little blighter hard and fast with her strongest form of sex appeal. Her eyes glanced at Tex – the fucking traitor – that had an ear on them while he scanned the crowd for potential threats. "And can we get a leash?"

"Don't even fucking think about it." The Hound bodyguard said without tearing his eyes from the crowd.

"It's not for you." Verosika scoffed. She smirked. "But I bet Bee would like to see you wear one."

"She already has."

"...That's hot." Milky giggled. Verosika tittered in agreement with the rest of her crew and looked back at the Voxtagram account for her latest target.

I bet he'd look good with a leash, too. I wonder what Bee has him doing right now.


"Lord Lzebub! Lord Lzebub! Is it true you've entered a relationship with a Hellhound?!"

"Sir! Sir! Do you have any news or opinions on the rumors around Lord Lucifer and Lady Lilith's separation?!"

"Miss! Miss! Are you really dating or are you a paid entertainer?!"

"Are the rumors about you and bigfoot being distant cousins true?!"

"Lord Lzebub, does your bodyguard agency protect its client in any way they ask?!"

"Fuck off, shut up, fuck you, go away, goddammit!" The Foxfiend snarled as he kept shoving microphones and cameras out of his face. "Bee, you are so fucking dead to me!"

"See what I meant about the fucking Paparazzi?" Loona growled as she and Naruto pushed their way through the fucking vultures that stood between them and the massive flamboyant restaurant they were thrown out to by the Sin of Gluttony. She apparently had enough fun teasing them – a lie, Loona suspected, because she'd gotten a text just as they entered the Lust Ring – and tossed them out a block from Ozzie's. She snarled as a microphone was thrust in her face. "Get that the fuck out–!"

"Dot Thotson, Knockoffs & Fake It Weekly," an voluptuous Succubus with short white hair and a furred coat held the damned mic into her face as she grinned at her. "Where did you get that top?! It's so out of season and cheap! Demons will want to know!"

Fuck this bitch in particular, this was her favorite top! Loona snarled and reared her arm back to slash the invasive demon into ribbons. Her wrist was caught and she almost rounded on the obstructor, only to find her boyfriend standing there. Her very, very growly, frizz-furred, taller, and tense boyfriend. His lip was curled back far enough to expose both of his large canines and his eyes had become a pair of emissive, crackling white voids.

"I'm officially over this shit." Naruto growled as he pulled her behind him and stepped up to the mic, which shorted out as he approached. The air around them started to heat up and the pinkish clouds overhead darkened. The various demons amongst the Paparazzi started to lose their luster, breath, and, for a fortunate few, their wills to live. They died on the spot. The Wriggler snapped so loud, the rest of the scum stood at attention. Her boyfriend's snarl echoed through the now silent street, the eyes of all demons on the source.

"Now that I have your attention... Leave. I'm not taking questions, and neither is my girlfriend." The words were uttered softly, but were heard clearly. The growled edge in his voice had everyone enthralled. "Very well. If anyone is still standing here in the next two seconds – If anyone continues to pester me or my girlfriend after we leave this fucking Ring...Well...A demonstration."

Naruto raised his left arm up – unrelated side note, Loona fucking loved the sleeveless shirt and shorts combo he was wearing right now; at this angle it emphasized the patch of cream on his chest, that almost looked like it had Litchenberg Figures branching off of it – and held his open hand to the sky. A flash of red shot from his palm and spread through the now darkened sky like a roll of thunder. Strings of crimson lightning danced across the clouds before they came back together and rocketed down with a sharp whistle onto the very unprepared Dot Thotson in a massive bolt.

The Succubus didn't even get a chance to scream, just a flash of light, a whistle of lightning, and her charred, shredded body fell apart in the street. The Paparazzi stared at it and the street remained silent. There was a shutter of a camera, which stirred them from the stupor they were in, and eyes turned to the Duke of Gluttony.

Loona couldn't see his face, but his ears were angled and he was still tense, his hand still raised. He took a deep breath and his arm lowered in time with his exhale. A beat passed. He growled.

"One."

The street was emptied in record time.

Fuck, that's hot. Loona felt her entire body burn as if on fire and her tail started to wag when he took her hand in the same one that had just killed the succubus. She could still feel the heat from his palm and a tingle of electricity danced up her spine. His grip tightened around her hand and she allowed herself to be guided up to walk beside him on the right. He wasn't smiling, nor was he snarling, but his lips were curved down.

"...I hate doing that..."

"Killing annoying fuckers?" She asked. He glanced at her, a light glow still evident in his blue eyes, and his lip pulled into a half-smirk.

"No." Naruto let out a huff. He looked back at Ozzie's as they walked up to the entrance. He rolled his left shoulder and grimaced at the pop that followed. "Using lightning magic. Shit fucking hurts."

"...Is there a story there?"

"Not one I'm going to tell."

Okay, then. A flat-out shut down like that meant it was really hard for him to talk about. Probably another ninja thing anyway, but whatever, Loona could take a hint. ...And she'd gotten enough bombs from her boyfriend today – she was going to be thinking about his Oiroke thing all night and possibly even the rest of the week.

She squeezed the hand that was wrapped around hers and he squeezed back before their claws interlaced. The familiar blue eyes glanced down to her red and he gently pulled her again so that his hand was out of her grasp, and now his arm was over her shoulders. Before she could even think to complain, he brought his head down – Oh! Well, alright then. Loona was down for a kiss. She let her eyes close and her arm went around his side as their lips met.

Mm, violet-coconut. Almost as good as a fresh vanilla latte. Almost.

When the kiss broke, he was smiling again and The Wriggler thwaped into her tails' swoosh. She smiled back.

"I should say thanks." He rumbled, claws gently grazing her skin as he continued walking with his arm over her shoulders. She rested her head against his collarbone and snorted.

"I didn't do anything."

"Exactly. You let me handle it."

That was important? Before she could ask, they made it to the door, where a half-dressed bouncer stood with stickers over his nipples.

"Reservation?"

"Duke of Gluttony."

Loona looked at him with an arched brow, he made a reservation? Naruto glanced down at her, his lips still up in a smile, and winked. Oh, this should be interesting.

"...Uh...R-Right...Um." The bouncer pulled a clipboard out from behind him. Where was he keeping–You know what? That's a question she really doesn't need an answer for. He flipped through pages and gulped. "I...I'm s-sorry, s-sir. I, um, I-uh, I c-can't..."

"You can't..?" Naruto asked, a brow arched. He rolled his left hand at the wrist. "Finish your sentence."

"I-I...I can't...F-find your...your name."

"Really? Huh, funny that." His Hellphone was out and he scrolled through his contacts. A seal that matched the one on the door was pressed and he held his phone to his ear. "Hey, it's me. I'm outside – Bee basically threw us out of the car–Yeah, she's with me. ...Whatever, look, your bouncer...Diamond marks. Oh, cool. Anyway, yeah, he's doing a great job. He just can't find my name, though. ...Yeah, I know right?...Yeah, that was me. Oh, okay."

He held the phone out to the bouncer.

"It's for you...Jesse, right?" Loona had to do her best not to laugh at the way this tall imp's skin went stark white and nodded. He shakily took the phone and held it to his ear.

"Y-Yes, sir?" Huh, she didn't know Imps could turn that color. "I-I'm sorry–No, sir! No. Yes. O-of course, sir. Yes, sir. ...Yes, sir."

He gave Naruto his phone back and the Foxfiend grinned as he held the phone to his ear.

"Yeah, sure, see you in a sec, Oz. Thanks." He hung up. On the Sin of Lust. On a fucking sin–on the Fucking Sin. Ooh, that stoked fire that kept rearing its head today was starting to burn a trail through her body again. Naruto scented the air, glanced at her with furrowed brows, before he shrugged and grinned at Jesse. "So..?"

"My apologies, Sir, Miss. Head on in." The door was held open and – shit, Loona felt severely underdressed. Everyone in the restaurant was dressed to the nines, tens and so on. Of course, Naruto didn't seem to register that and guided her in. A low, smokey, sultry tune carried through the air as caged demons above danced and tables were set for two at a time.

"May I direct you two to your seats?" The maître d', a thin twig of an Imp gestured toward a table while also looking over their attire. Judging them. She felt eyes roam over her and wrapped her arms around herself. Her tail fell to curl at her heel again – Naruto's arm tightened around her.

"We aren't eating." He interjected, a low subsonic growl adorned the Rumble that soothed her nerves.

"Oh, then perhaps I may redirect you–"

"I need to find Oz."

"...Sir, I'm afraid I can't–Urk!"

The Foxfiend had his left hand around the Imp's throat and held him up to his face. His lip curled and The Wriggler lashed about once behind him.

"That wasn't a request." His grip tightened and the Imp gagged. "Tell me where he is. Now."

"...Th-That way...Door...end of...hall." The maître d' pointed to the left with his right hand, while the other tried to pry himself free. He was dropped and Loona felt more eyes turn her way, even as she was guided from the now hacking Imp. She looked away from the Imp just as some Goetia bird turned in their seat to blow a cloud of something into the air. She burst through it and stumbled into Naruto.

"Loona!"

"Terribly sorry, dear–Oh, my word. Look at these ghastly mutts–"

"F-fuck you." Loona glared and then collapsed into a fit of coughs. The other customers kept judging, watching, staring! She felt their eyes on her, the judgment, the disappointment, watching, waiting – A squawk made her look up to see Naruto snarling at the Goetia with glowing white eyes, a hint of light dimmed at the center of his forehead. She was helped to her feet by her boyfriend and ushered along with him.

"Fucking stuck-up... Hate this stupid, fucking Ring..." His growling became incoherent and the air felt tight. Loona let her tail curl around her legs, there was something tight wrapped around her body, a vice in her chest and sudden, impossible heat. She whimpered as the heat coursed through her veins, she needed it to stop.

Naruto pulled her into a small alcove in the hall. He nuzzled his face against hers, Rumble at full blast, claws gently grazing her sides all while one of them – maybe both? – whined. As she huffed thick breaths of air, his scent prominent amongst it, and dug claws into her sides, he whispered rapidly at her.

"I'm here. We're here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm here." He huffed thick inhales of her neck, her scent, and kissed his way back to her lips. Another kiss and then another brought her out of the tightness. The heat around her body lessened, but she felt it near. On the cusp of rendering her again near immobile with its overbearing presence.

"Wh...Wha–?" Loona growled in fear, confusion, pain? Her body was on fire; it itched and burned beneath the skin. She tried to pull away – he didn't stop her, didn't force her to stay – and unbearable heat was on her again. She dove back to him and whined, her claws went to his neck, jaw, to guide him down. She needed it. Him. Their euphoria.

Boop.

Tranquility overcame them both. Loona felt tension bleed from his body and air came to her at a steadier pace. The fire cooled, quelled, and she'd feel less if she pushed for more.

"I hate this Ring." He growled the words with his nose touched to hers. She hummed, reached up and pulled him into another kiss. Yes, yes, cooler, cooler still. His eyes squeezed shut and he whined as he reciprocated before it turned into another growl that made her lips tingle. "Stop. Stop, please. Loona!"

She stopped with her own whine, now held at arm's length as their breathing steadied again. Naruto had his eyes closed and snarl bared, looked good, smelled amazing. The fire started again.

"What's–Why am I boiling?" She groaned and grabbed at her stomach. His touch was scalding and soothing all at once. She wanted his arms around her again, his mouth on hers, her mouth on his. The Rumble, a Boop, something, anything!

"Pheromo, 's a Lust Drug." The fuck–? She'd never heard of it. Her confusion must be evident – despite his closed eyes? – because he shook his head. "Enhances feelings, all of them. Hellhounds shouldn't ingest it, it's too much. Ozzie rarely supplies it for Bee's parties, if the occasion fits, but it's extremely diluted. I can handle it, then, but...raw...everything else... it's fucking suffocating. Air's too sour, making me fucking sick. Can't even enjoy– We gotta get to Ozzie."

"Ozzie? You mean, Asmodeus?"

"Yeah." Naruto grit his teeth. He growled and pulled her into another one-armed embrace. She felt her tail wag and once more leaned against him. She took in his scent, the fire quelled, and he just smelled so fuckin' goo– "Loona!"

Her teeth lowered from where they nearly kissed his Spot. Right. Drugs. It was the drugs. But...She didn't have the drugs before they got here, and he'd riled her up pretty good then, too. The drugs just gave her the fire, and she wanted that fire doused. Needed it doused.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. C'mon."


Ozzie's office was as lavish and gaudy as the rest of his restaurant. The giant, flaming rooster was at his desk, his three heads tilted back within their feathered flamed head and a hand tapped atop the fine wood. They all grinned and seemed to have eyes closed.

"Oz!" Naruto barked to get the Sin's attention. Loona's insistent nips were starting to get to him. Her sweet Vanilla scent completely drowned out by the F.B.N. that was definitely not Lust or Lust-adjacent. Another half-kiss, half-assault on his jaw had him stop to push Loona down. "No, Loona, please."

"You taste so good." Her lips caught his and he went with it for a moment.

"Fuck, you taste good too–No, shit!" He pushed her down with a snarl – ignored the weird not-angry growl she sent back – and held her at arm's length. "No. Loona, please, behave. ASMODEUS!"

"Who the fuck–? Oh, shit." The Sin's roar died into shock, before he squirmed in his seat. He leaned back in his seat again, looked down at his–Okay, well, Naruto could fucking guess what was going on there. The Sin hissed something and then readjusted himself. He pulled himself from the chair behind the desk and rose up with arms extended. "Naru-baby! It's been too long."

"Yeah, great to see you, too. We got hit with Pheromo! Antidote, please!" The Foxfiend groaned as his gorgeous girlfriend pressed against him. Her claws were thankfully too obsessed with trying to latch onto his head or neck to force a kiss rather than diving for his painfully obvious erection that throbbed against his thigh.

"...Antidote?" Six eyes blinked. Naruto glared at him.

"Yes! That!"

"Uh, hate to break it to you kiddo, but there's no antidote."

"The fuck do–Loona, seriously, not now!" He snarled at her and her F.B.N. scent was tinged by fear as she flinched back. He flared his nostrils as he calmed and scented her. He closed his eyes and pulled her into a hug that she eagerly embraced. "I'm sorry. Just please, try to resist it."

"But–"

"Loona, just–later, okay?"

"Whatever." She grumbled into his neck, her claws traced along his back. Her tail had a half-hearted swish before it stilled. Naruto would groan if he wasn't glaring daggers at his 'Uncle'. He could deal with that after he got rid of the drugs in their system.

"What do you mean there's no antidote?" He growled. Ozzie crossed his arms and chuckled.

"I mean just that. You gotta ride this one out, Naru-Baby." He walked forward and clapped a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Let me guess, you're both close to ripping each other's clothes off, right?"

"You think this is funny?!" He hissed, glaring daggers at the grinning trinity of heads. "Loona will kill me if something happens while we're drugged! And if she doesn't her fucking dad will! And if he doesn't, Bee might!"

"Bee would be a fucking hypocrite of the worst kind if she did that." Ozzie deadpanned. He rubbed Naruto's shoulder. "Look, kid, your best bet is to just ride the heat out. You both made it, what? Five minutes without getting it on?"

"Six." Loona grumbled as she started nipping at his neck. One of her claws dug into his back and – dammit, he liked this shirt. Ozzie laughed.

"Ooh, listen to that! That's a She-Hound in Heat. You'd better help her take care of it."

"...I am not having sex under the fucking influence of your drug!" Naruto snarled, eyes ablaze and oculi sprouting. His nose was whapped and he flinched away. "Ow! The shit!?"

"You don't have to have sex, dipshit." Ozzie smirked and started guiding them from the door. "You made it six minutes without getting randy, right? Most Hounds can't withstand thirty seconds of a full dose. Shit, Bee herself couldn't take two minutes. Your resilience is admirable, but she will combust if you don't do something."

"Do something?"

"Make her orgasm."

Oh, why couldn't Naruto just light himself on fire and end this torment? He muttered uncertainties under his breath – what if this wasn't what she wanted, what if he wasn't good enough, what if she didn't want him after – and they were stopped outside a closed set of doors. His 'uncle' cackled as he opened the door.

"You are just too fuckin' cute, kid," he said. "This bitch is literally rubbing all over you, just shy of humping that slab of meat in your pants, and you think she's not interested? Pheromo doesn't boost emotions, Naru-Baby, but it lowers inhibitions."

"...Wazzat mean?" Naruto asked as Loona tugged on his jowls with a whine. He growled at her, but didn't tear away lest he get another cut. She made her weird not-angry growl back.

"Let me put it this way, if a fifteen-year sober alcoholic had a normal day, then took in some Pheromo? That fifteen-year streak would be broken." Ozzie smiled. "And like I said, if you don't want to have sex, don't. But this girl, this cute little pup? She wants you, Pheromo is just making it easier for her to express that by forcing her body into heat. And judging by the whines and – wheew, the pheromones she's radiating? She really wants you."

"But it's...it's all...It's–"

"Look, I don't know why you're arguing about this. Just trust me. I know Lust better than you." He gestured to the open room. A grand bedchamber was within. A hand grabbed onto his back. "This is consensual, it's wanted. She's interested. You're interested."

"...You're locking us in that room until the drug wears off, aren't you?" Naruto's tail wriggled. Excitement? Anticipation? He couldn't say, the vibes in the air were just full of F.B.N. and Loona. His scents and senses were nearly useless.

"Yep." Ozzie grinned and gave him a shove.

Naruto stumbled forward and twisted so he hit the bedframe and Loona didn't. The door slammed shut with a bang. He glared at the door.

"Asshole."

"Later is now."

"L–Mmph?!" Her lips captured his and the protest died in the collsion.

Unable to run from this, the dubious advice from Ozzie at the forefront of his mind, and his own body begging to relieve the strain on it, Naruto let himself fall into the kiss. No Boop, no buildup. Romantic or not, he didn't care. His blood boiled and his mind redirected all priority measures to focus on two things: Make Him Feel Good, and Make Her Feel Better.

Her breath was hot, and her scent intoxicating, he couldn't resist if he wanted to. A tongue pushed against his lips – smaller, thinner, wet, sweet – and danced over his teeth. A request for entrance? Granted, one-thousand times over. Their tongues quarreled in a playful dance, his larger and inexperienced organ matched her lithe and talented one due to sheer tenacity. This challenge of tongues only flooded his third brain with more desire for the hound straddled atop him.

"Tastes so fucking good." She growled as the first bout ended, her teeth claimed his lip as a prize, before she released it. He growled back at her, wordless agreement, as his claws rested at her waist. Her claws, which had clung to his head and shoulders, suddenly tore into his shirt, rid him of its obstruction, and then the sour vibe of Lust was suppressed. Loona's claws traced over the patch of peach colored fur and he shuddered at the chill that overcame him.

"...All of the peach fur in your coat isn't fucking natural." Not a question, not an observation. A fact.

"Scars." He agreed softly, a soft Rumble started as she pushed her hand into it. The splayed fingers and claws curled into a fist. Her eyes met his.

"You're not a Sinner." That was probably supposed to be a question. "But…"

"I was twelve. I'd killed before; I was killed. I started here..." It was rather obvious where he ended.

"...More Ninja shit?" She smirked. He chuckled and nodded.

"More Ninja shit."

A soft huff, a laugh, before her lips came down to meld with his. Not as desperate or hungry, more comfortable, understanding, expressive. Their smirks became smiles, their scents happy, the vibes were good.

Her claws tangled with the ruff on his chest, his dug into her hips. Those curvy, curvy hips started to grind against him. His stiff, hard rod painfully reminded him of its existence with a throb. His smile fell and he whimpered against her lips. She growled, the kiss broke and she pushed her nose to his. Boop had him focus, but the throb tore him from euphoria with another whine.

"No, no. None of that shit."

She pulled back and took his hand, urging him to join her upright again. He was on his feet for a second before he was shoved back onto the bed. Anyone else would be dead, then and there, the amount of force used to get him off of his feet. Not her, her intent was his pleasure – he was seventy-eight percent sure of it.

"Shh, relax." Loona crooned as she crawled over him again, her tail wagged like a flag. Her shirt was gone and he was granted the sight of her bare chest – firm, rounded and both were pierced! ...He should've expected that, but that's still stereotyping. Did it hurt or–? Her finger traced along his muzzle and derailed all thought before her lips pressed to his again. Derail? No, that train crashed.

This kiss was quick, a spice in the Vibe that accompanied it, before she started to trail more down his muzzle. Hot rapid breaths parted his coat and intermediated the kisses. Her claws traced the contour of his chest until she came to his shorts. The button was flicked away, and her nimble teeth tugged the zipper down...this was the moment of truth.


Verosika stopped where she was trying on a risque lingerie outfit and suddenly glared out toward the store's entrance. Something was wrong. Something had upset the natural order. Something...involving a dick she wanted...Her eyes went wide.

That Bitch...She isn't!

Verosika tore from the changing room, half-dressed and not in the slightest bit decent. Only to get caught by Tex and shoved back in.

"What the fuck are you doing!?"

"I'm going to commit fucking murder!"

"No, you're fucking not! We've already got enough legal issues, Vee!"


"Unholy fucking shit." Loona breathed.

The fire in her caused by... emphasized by...The fire was quelled and reignited simultaneously. Before her was – not the largest cock she'd seen; porn exists in Hell people, calm down – a hard phallus that was spaciously barbed, hardened pockets of flesh that were akin to dulled 'tooth' rather than actual spines some could have. The cock was a deep burgundy red, much darker than the blood that flowed through it, and so hot there was a slight amount of steam she could see wafting off of it. There was a hefty girth that her clawed digits could not encircle in one hand – she knew for a fact, she was trying right now, and while she could get a hand around it, it was a strain on her grip – and a fine length that might very possibly give her some trouble depending on her uterus' depth.

That went without mentioning the almost deflated bulb at the base of the cock. She stared at it, trying to identify its purpose. Not the testicles, those were nice and full just a bit further south. He must be nervous, because he cleared his throat.

"Uh, yeah, there's a–I have–"

"A knot." She was familiar, had watched a few videos where stars across Hell took one. The challenge of it was ...enticing. She pushed her nose to the flesh, and took in the musky twinge that slightly altered the violet and almost-coconut scent she attributed to her boyfriend. She felt her own core's fire, more bearable than before, start up again. It was him, the base of him, his scent, his cock, the thing that would be inside her.

Loona loved it already.

She let her eyes drift past the phallus in front of her to the Foxfiend that was watching her. Blue eyes clouded, yet focused on her. Tense. The Wriggler still. Tsk-tsk-tsk, that wouldn't do.

"I think...this will work." Her hand encircled around his girth best it could and slowly she pulled her wrist up, as she gave the yet-inflated knot a gentle kiss. A silent promise, an assurance.

"Oh...Hol–...Loo-na!" The whine was fucking adorable, but the buck of his hips was going to ruin her plans, if not hurt one of them. That was counterproductive.

"Na-ru-to." She sounded his name out and pulled her mouth away from the 'toy' she'd be playing with. She gave the tip a kiss before she pushed on his hips and advanced up again, visually devouring the strained, excited, confused gleam in his eyes and the way his lips wanted to curl. Her claws couldn't hold on to the phallus and allow her to reach his head – damned shorter stature and arms – so she let her tail tease it. It wanted to participate, so she let it swish-swish-swish.

"Loona." He whimpered, a sound that made her core burn with want, as she put her lips to his. His claws sought her breasts and so carefully caressed them. The piercings in the nipples were nudged and twisted so deliciously slow. Curious, careful, playful. She soon started to whimper and whine back in time with his own.

"No. Na-Naruto." She broke another kiss and another and again before finally she cradled his head in her claws. Red stared into blue. Nose pressed to nose. Boop. Breathing steadied. Grabby hands fell from two now colder breasts. Had to deal with that later. "I...want...I want to try…"

"T-Try?"

"Not..." Ugh, for all the talk about fucking Hell was full of, why was Loona having an issue with it now?!

"Knot?!" His ears shot straight up and his eyes dilated.

"No! No." She kissed his nose around a smile and he calmed. The look that crossed his face just now was hysterical, thank fuck no one could see them. She got to treasure that all for herself. Now, though, came the worst part. Her ears burned a painful flare as they folded back. "No. I...I want you to snap my collar."

"...Huh?"


Loona explained the desire to Naruto and...the important thing is, he eventually got what she was asking. Yeah, it took three times for her to explain it, but that's not a big deal, right? ...What?! There were two things that kept distracting him! Two very important things!

Loona's right boob and Loona's left boob.

They were very needy and very clearly neglected. He'd have to insist on more time with them later. First, he'd let her indulge this, uh, collar snap...thing...So he sat on the edge as she told him to. Why was she kneeling on the ground? What was she doing with her mo–?

Oh, right. Fellatio. Oral. Mouth. Right. Yes. He did remember that being a thing and–


An Unexpected Error Has Occurred.


So hot.

So thick.

So...tasty.

Loona hummed and pulled her tongue back from where it'd been lathering the cock. She gave it another kiss at the tip before she pulled away. Her eyes looked up and met his gaze.

"Remember what I said?"

"...You won't be mad if I say no, will you?"

"I might bite if you mess up."

"Yep! I remember! Wow, do I remember!"

"Funny." She smirked and brushed some hair out of her face. She opened her mouth as wide as it could go and lowered her head down before she captured him within. Her lips sealed and she descended.

"Oh...Fuck!"

Yes. Music to her ears. The Wriggler was abusing the bed behind him. Her own excitement was evident by her tail's constant swish-swish-swish-swish-swish.

Claws parted her hair and her eyes went wide as a firm grip took hold of her head. Her chest felt like it was going to explode. She gushed as he pushed. Her eyes closed as he started to drag her back up. She focused on her breathing.

Grab my head and force me down to the base, then pull me back up.

Use me like a fleshlight.

Her throat strained and she panted around it. The bed creaked, her eyes cracked open. Why was he standing – Ow! Yeah, that was too hard! She smacked his thigh. He stopped and fuck.

He used the growl.

Oh...Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, shit, yes, that was better. Good! Sweet merciful fuck, he was a fast learner! Her claws dipped into her drenched shorts and she played with herself, two fingers off the bat. She was that wet.

"Loona...Loona!" He was moaning her name. Hers! Fuck, that's so hot!

Yes, baby, please yes! Keep saying it! She thought as something around her neck strained and the last of her fingers slid into her pussy. She whimpered and her tail wagged on full blast, even as her jaw worked overtime to stay ajar enough to–Wait, the knot.

Uh, shit, she forgot about the knot! It swelled in her mouth – baseball, softball size easy! Huge! Too Big! – Um, babe? Naruto? Air was needed! Shit, fuck, shit! Her throat hurt. Her eyes watered. Come on, hang in there, Loona!

Two things happened.

First, her collar snapped – Mission accomplished, great job everyone!

Second, Naruto roared – Holy fuck, what the hell was that sound that came out of her boyfriend's mouth?!

...No, wait, three things happened.

The third thing was a near-drowning experience. Loona knows it was near-drowning because she woke up sometime later, on the bed, curled into a spooning position with Naruto behind her. One of his arms wrapped around her flat stomach, the other fell shy of a perfect circle draped over her hip.

She burped and tasted his essence on her tongue; it was sweet? …It could be sweeter.

"Y'ok?" Ooh, husky, sleepy Foxfiend in her ear? Best ASMR.

"Mm-yeah." Hey, why's he turning her head? Oh, a kiss? For Loona? Yes, please.

"N't hurt?" He asked, after it broke apart.

"Sore." Her throat was sore. She was a little thirsty–urrp, never mind. She's good.

"Horny?" Wha...Oh, right, the drugs. The drugs that enhanced her feelings, or lowered her inhibitions, or something.

"Nah." She snuggled back into him and held the wrist of the arm that rested around her stomach. Her eyes fell shut as her thumb traced shapes into the orange fur. Another kiss pressed into her cheek and she hummed.

She fulfilled a sexual fantasy.

She has a loving partner.

She has a job that didn't demand a lot of her.

Loona's life... was nearly perfect.

If only she had her phone...

Oh yeah (chi chicka chickaaa) / Oh-Oh / Oh yeah (chi chicka chickaaa) / Oh-Oh / Oh yeah (chi chicka chickaaa) (1)

"God. Dammit." She whined. Naruto grumbled.

"'Litz?"

"Yes." She groaned. He snorted.

"Fuck 'im." Well, that was a great idea. Loona decided to go with it.


(1) "Oh Yeah" by Yello

AN: Yeah, that's right. That's a damn near sex scene. ...Uh, I hope it's kosher. I blame the five of you that were talking about dicks in the reviews. Fuck you guys.

Remember, it's just fan-fiction.