***Chapter 12***

***Secrets***

Lizzie and me went down to the village today. We don't usually get the same half day and we were linking arms and Lizzie was being all serious telling me about Ben who works in the gardens smiling at her and saying she was a looker. He is sixteen so about a year and a bit older than Lizzie and has crooked teeth and brown hair and sniffs a lot and has a horrible habit of blowing his nose on his sleeve when he thinks no one is looking. Lizzie thinks he's lovely, but I don't. She said she was going to tell me a secret and I had to cross my heart and hope to die if I ever told anyone, but just then Fred the butcher boy whistled after us and nearly fell off his bike looking back going down the hill, which made me laugh.

I said what was her secret, but she said if I was going to be stupid and not listen then she wasn't going to tell me. I said I AM listening, but she said it was too late now. She's moody like that at times. We were going to go in the tea shop to have tea and buns, but we passed a big notice in the window of the sweet shop with a picture of the Titanic and large writing on it so we stopped.

"What 's it say, Daze?" Lizzie asked me. "It's even harder to read when they write it in big letters like that." She meant capitals. Lizzie gets annoyed a lot about not being able to read proper since Betty found out and started teasing her. I keep saying I can teach her, but she keeps saying she's too busy and I've always got my nose in a book, and it's a stupid way to carry on when I'll only get married and have kids.

My Dad used to say that too, not the bit about being too busy and definitely not about me only getting married and having kids, but the nose in the book thing. He said it in a nice way, though. Once when he'd had a few down the working men's club he even cried and said he wished he had money for me to to go to university like some women. Can you believe it? Women going to university! Mam thought it was daft, but Dad thought women should have the vote and everything. I hope if there's a Heaven he can look down and see me because one day I am going to make him proud.

But I forgot, I was meant to be telling you what happened. It's just I get carried away when I write and it's so nice to be able to tell you everything because there isn't anybody in Downton I can sit down and have a long chat with like I can with you. Anyway, it was a notice about the shop being a collection point for Titanic widows and their children, and I started reading it out loud for Lizzie. I'll try and remember everything it said so you know exactly where I was up to when Lizzie went all uppity on me, but I might get some wrong. It was something like this:-

"For widows and children who have suffered loss. Any person wishing to donate to the relief of the hardship fund is assured all monies will be taken directly to the Bank of Downton every Friday noon and weekly receipt obtained, which can be immediately produced upon request. Contributions will be overseen by Mr Malcolm Skitt, bank manager, at..."

That's about as far as I got when Lizzie yelled at me, "I'm not stupid, I don't need to know ALL of it when you've already said what it's about. You're always showing off about being clever and thinking you're better than everybody else!" and she stormed off.

I was really upset. I don't show off, do I? I'm not that clever anyway. I read a lot so I learn stuff, but I still make mistakes with how to say something and spelling and grammar. I know I do because Thomas always mocks me if he hears. I mean, when I started school I thought people were saying Grandma when they talked about grammar and saying Your Grandma is wrong and I thought a lot of Grandmas must be arguing. And one day our teacher Miss Reynolds said when I couldn't do my sewing, "There's no such word as can't. What is the correct word?" And I said cannot and she thought I was being cheeky and I got the ruler on my knuckles, but I wasn't being cheeky, I thought she was asking me about the correct Grandma.

I ran after Lizzie and she was being funny with me until I said sorry – though I don't know why I said it, it should have been Lizzie who did – and we linked arms again. Then it started to teem down so bad it was bouncing off the ground so we ran for shelter inside the shop and looked at pictures of the Titanic and put some money in the bucket because it made us all sad and teary.

We had a cup of tea each in the tea shop, but we didn't have enough left for buns because we put it in the bucket. Lizzie kept saying she had a Big Secret and then saying I was just a kid so she couldn't tell me and laughing when I got annoyed. We were fifteen minutes late back because we waited too long hoping the rain would go off and it didn't.

We ran all the way to Downton and were soaking and out of breath and our clothes sticking to us and we got the worst ticking off ever from Mrs Patmore, even though Lizzie doesn't work in the kitchens. Luckily, Mrs Hughes came along and said, "Go and get dried and changed at once, girls, you're dripping water everywhere and not everybody here can swim" and she shook her head and sighed but I'm sure I saw her smile.

Betty kept banging pots and pans down because she'd had to do some of my work with me being late, but Weary Winnie didn't say a word about it, which was very strange. It was like she was lost in her own world, thinking of something, but like I told you, she is a bit mad. I haven't done a poem for ages so I thought I would write one for you:-

I wanted to bake

the very best cake

so the flour I did shake

the eggs I did break

and the icing I did make

for everyone's sake

they all took a slice

and said it was very nice

and nobody died

so I was full of pride

I had to put that bit in at the end because Mrs Patmore is always saying she has to check over what I've done in case I kill someone. Here is a picture of a cake. Lizzie said she likes my poem, but the cake looks like a hat. I might write a poem about hats some time. She still won't tell me her Big Secret.