ACT VIII: Ryan, the Riddled Part 1: Puzzles

Twelve Years Ago…

Ryan Dragonfly found himself floating in a dark void, as if he had been submerged in ink. He wanted to use the scepter he had just inherited from his father to light his way, but the magical heirloom was nowhere to be found. All he could do was helplessly drift through the void, unable to move or speak. But just as he feared that he would drift forever, a luminous blaze burst into existence right in front of his face. Ryan watched in awe as the tantalizing flame began to dance around him, spelling out an enticing riddle.

Seven came before Ryan,

(If you subtract the princess)

Add four more reigns to his domain,

And then what gets vanquished?

Present day.

"That riddle has haunted me ever since I was a child." Ryan explained to the Magical High Commission and his queen as he looked out over the kingdom. Tomorrow was his birthday, which he had converted into a national holiday dubbed "Riddle Day." The general mandate was for everyone in Mewni to try and come up with at least one answer to the riddle. To help enforce this law, the king had set up special offices in every province in the kingdom where they could submit their answers, and the officers would choose the best answer and bring the applicant before the king. If Ryan liked the answer, then the person would be rewarded with fifty pounds of gold. If he didn't, they would be ejected from his castle via catapult.

Unfortunately, Ryan was so concerned about the hidden meaning behind this riddle that he often neglected his more important kingly duties, pushing them off onto his wife or the MHC. Because of this, many of the citizens of Mewni resented Ryan as their king. But he couldn't care less what others thought of him. He was convinced that the riddle was a warning of some kind involving the future of the Dragonfly Monarchy.

"It's the only riddle I've yet to solve. It drives me mad thinking about it!" He fumed. "That is why I created Riddle Day; if I can't come up with the answer, then perhaps someone else can."

Jane Roachley, Ryan's wife, stared at him with contempt. "That's why you insist on having this stupid holiday?" She sneered. "Because you had a bad dream when you were a kid?"

"Don't take it lightly!" Ryan snapped. "I have a feeling it's some sort of prophecy! As if the scepter is trying to warn me about something."

"Or you could just be a paranoid nut who insists on neglecting his real responsibilities for the sake of a stupid dream." Hekapoe remarked with disdain. In truth, the entire Magical High Commission shared their brother's sentiment, but they were less vocal about it.

Ryan crossed his arms. "Well, maybe this year, someone will solve the riddle of why you're an asshole."

"AH-HA HA HA HA HA!" Jane laughed so hard her eyes watered. "'Solve the riddle of why you're an asshole!' HA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah, he's hilarious." Hekapoe rolled his eyes.

"I know!" Jane exclaimed as her laugh slowly shifted into a calm giggle. "That's why I can never stay mad at him!"

"Heh, heh, yeah." Ryan allowed himself a chuckle before he arched an eyebrow. "Wait, why were you mad?"

"Seriously?" Jane scoffed. "Alright, here's a riddle for you, love; 'There once was a man named Ryan, who's obnoxious tendencies left me crying. This holiday doth suck, and I don't give a fuck, but hey, at least I'm trying."

"What?!" Ryan raised his hands in frustration. "That's not even a riddle! It's word-play at best!"

Just then, three young children with different birthmarks on their cheeks burst into the room. "Daddy, daddy!" Lezaza screamed in anger as she leapt into her father's arms, wrapping her pointed tail around his torso. "Iltztem keeps hitting me!"

("Am not!") The horned child snarled in demon-tongue as he punched his sister's leg. ("Shut up, you little snitch!")

Jane rolled her eyes as she pulled her second-oldest son by the horns away from her only daughter. "Why are you like this?!" She furiously snapped as her youngest son walked in. "Why can't any of you be more like your big brother?!"

"Uh, because Simon's a big chicken!" Nogad remarked, rolling all three of his eyes in contempt before punching his brother. "And speak Mewman, you idiot! No one but mom can understand you!"

("Don't tell me what to do!") Iltztem slapped Nogad to the ground and began beating him to a pulp. Lezaza jumped down from her father's arms to join in the tussle.

Ryan angrily grabbed the scepter and aimed it at his children. "Levitato! Levitato! For Stump's sake, Levitato!" Three pink bubbles of light popped out of the scepter's crystal and separated the half-demon children as they were lifted into the air. Ryan let out a tired sigh and looked up to the sky. "Thank you, dad. Now, you three stay up there and think about what you've done, or whatever. I have more important things to worry about today."

But before the king could leave, his squire entered the room. "Excuse me, sir. Headmaster Atrocious has returned with the crown-prince, and he has requested an audience."

"What?" Ryan arched an eyebrow in confusion. "It's only been a month."

"Simon?" Jane was just as surprised. "M-my Simon's… back?"

Outside the castle walls, a gothic carriage awaited entry through the drawbridge. At last, the guard was given the all-clear and escorted the carriage inside. Once they arrived at the main entrance, the driver stopped the horses and opened the door. Out stepped a fifteen year old boy dressed in black trousers, a white formal shirt, and a fuschia frock coat. His long, bright pink hair was tied into a ponytail in the back with his bangs in the front hiding his left eye. As he took his suitcase from the back of the carriage, every woman who saw him swooned at his beauty.

This was Simon Dragonfly, the oldest and most soft-spoken of Ryan and Jane's children. The prince had been described by Indexia as an introvert with social anxiety, feeling uncomfortable around strangers, large crowds, and anyone he considered too scary to talk to. On the day before the boy was supposed to inherit the scepter, Ryan demanded that he come up with a speech for the event. But when Simon couldn't even muster up the will to speak in front of the Magical High Commission as practice, Ryan refused to hand over the scepter until his son could overcome his affliction.

After a year of trying to deal with it, the king had his heir sent away to St. Olaf's Academy for Wayward Princes in the hopes that it would finally bring the boy out of his shell. The fact that he was home early gave his father the idea that he must have been cured. Ryan and Jane made their way down to greet their firstborn with their three other children in tow. The crown-prince nodded with a meek smile. "Hello, father. Hello, mo-"

The boy was cut off when the queen rushed at him and scooped him up into the arms. "My little crescent roll is back!" Jane squealed with joy as she hugged her child tight, kissing his cheek. "Oh, my baby! My darling! My pride and joy! You have no idea how much I've missed you!"

Lezaza, Nogad, and Iltztem scowled at the sight of their mother's over-the-top displays of affection. As much as they loved Simon, it was no secret in the family that Jane obviously favored her oldest over her other children, causing a rift between them and their oldest brother. The fact that Ryan seemed focused on preparing Simon for taking up the throne did not help.

"Ahem." Everyone - even Jane - froze in fear at the sound of that voice.

If there was ever a person who could put the fear of Stump into even the most hardened demon the Underworld has to offer, it would be Headmaster Atrocious. Six-foot-five, one hundred and eighty pounds of pure muscle, always dressed in a clean mauve suit, and a perpetual frown plastered over his lips. His moustache and goatee hugged the outlines of the skin grafts on his cheeks; a feature he did not enjoy.

Ryan cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "Uh, Headmaster Atrocious. I wasn't expecting you here, today. How are-?"

"If I may be so bold, King Ryan, I'd prefer if we spoke inside." Atrocious grumbled as he felt the heat of the childrens' stares. "I can feel you staring at them." He grumbled without even sparing a glance.

"S-staring, sir?" Nogad gulped. "Staring at what, exactly?"

"Yeah, we're not staring at anything." Lezaza nodded, nervously. "Staring is rude."

("We have no reason to stare.") Iltztem agreed.

Ryan sighed. "Simon, go with your brothers and sister while we talk with your headmaster."

"Y-yes, sir." Simon stammered once Jane let go of him. Once he was alone, the future king was swarmed by his younger siblings. As the three half-blooded children hugged him, offered to take his bags, and asked him hundreds of questions all at once, Simon nervously tried to avoid being caught up in their rough-housing. "O-okay, guys, calm down! E-easy, Iltztem! Please, be careful, that bag has my favorite kimono! Lezaza, Nogad, stop fighting! I-it's only fun and games until someone loses an eye!"

Ryan watched as Simon was dragged away by his younger siblings. "Okay, what the hell?" He fumed, turning back to the headmaster. "Why is he exactly the same as when I sent him away?"

"Uh, yes, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, your majesty." Master Atrocious scratched his chin in contemplation. "I… honestly don't understand why you thought your son needed to attend my school. By all means, Simon Dragonfly is the most well-behaved prince to ever attend St. Olaf's Academy for Wayward Princes."

"I sent him to you so that he'd grow a spine!" Ryan snapped. "He's a whelp who can't even speak in front of five people! He needs to be whipped into shape if he's ever going to lead this kingdom!"

"Oh." Atrocious scratched his skin grafts. "Well, we don't really… deal with that sort of thing. My academy mostly specializes in deviants with little to no respect for traditions or etiquette. Simon is pretty much the opposite of that. Hence, his early return. I'm sorry if that's not what you were hoping for, but I have to get back to St. Olaf's. Good day, your majesty." With that, the headmaster bowed in respect before reentering his carriage and leaving.

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a tired sigh. But considering that tomorrow was Riddle Day, he decided to temporarily brush his problems with Simon aside until he heard everyone's answers.

The next day, Ryan put on his best suit and crown in preparation for his holiday. He left his dressing room and headed towards the throne room just as Simon was about to knock on his door. "Not now, son, I'm busy." He declared as he power walked down the hall. "Reginald! I need you!"

Nevertheless, Simon followed him. "Uh, but dad, I just wanted to say-"

Reginald arrived at his king's side with a scroll. "We already have fifteen top applicants ready to try answering your riddle, sire."

"Good, line them up in alphabetical order." Ryan ordered. "And the other applicants?"

"Dad, I just - I really missed you, and-"

"Still pending." Reginald replied. "But we're expecting at least ten more to be finished within the hour."

"Good." Ryan nodded, adjusting his cufflinks. "And the catapult for all the terrible answers?"

"Dad?"

"Locked and loaded, your majesty." Reginald smiled. "All you have to do is pull the lever."

"Excellent, Reginald. I knew I could count on you."

"Um, dad?"

"Ugh, what, Simon? What?" Ryan finally faced his son, only to blink in confusion as he held up a box.

"H-happy birthday…" Simon stammered as his father took the box.

In truth, the king was so preoccupied with his self-made holiday, he had forgotten that it was also his own birthday. Deciding that he could spare a few minutes, he began to delicately remove the velvet ribbon and open the box. Inside, was a pair of crystal-clear reading glasses framed with pure gold. Ryan arched an eyebrow, confused as to why his son would give him new glasses when he didn't need a new pair. The king closed the box and gently handed it back to his son. "I… appreciate the gesture." He replied.

Simon's heart sank as he watched his father leave to hear all the possible answers to his ultimate riddle. On that day, seventy-five people were catapulted out of the castle.

To Be Continued!

Author's notes: Yeah, I decided to give Simon two brothers and a sister. After all, those Butterfly relatives seen in Game of Flags had to come from somewhere. Also, since Simon is the name of one of the Apostles, I thought it'd be funny to give his siblings demon names. As always, please read and review!