ACT XI: Comet I, the Chef Part 2: The Happy-Go-Lucky Son

A few months had passed since Comet's plan had been put into place. Queen Batra had been invited to the Dragonfly castle in order to lay out a peace treaty between Mewmans and monsters, as well as officially recognizing the Forest of Certain Death as the monsters' sovereign territory. The queen agreed under the condition that she could bring two of her generals and two soldiers along with her for protection. Comet accepted the terms, and the two monarchs eventually met.

Batra's generals turned out to be a pair of lizardwomen dressed in black leather with swords strapped to their waists, and the two soldiers were the frogwomen Comet had treated the quiche to. Milo Loveberry insisted on joining the meeting to protect his king, his gaze never once leaving the five monsters for the duration of the meeting. The Magical High Commission stood behind their king, also wanting to protect him from any potential betrayal. In contrast, Comet was smiling from ear-to-ear, grateful that the monster queen was willing to talk.

"Before we begin…" Comet reached under the table, prompting the lizardwomen to grip the hilts of their swords. Comet noticed this and signaled for the general to stand down. "Ahem, before we begin… would you care for a snack?"

It was revealed that the king was reaching for a fig pie which he placed on the table in front of the monsters. Comet had wisely precut the pie so that he wouldn't need to bring a knife and risk antagonizing their guests. Delighted by this turn of events, Queen Batra accepted a slice of pie as the group began peace talks. Two hours into the negotiations, however, the king's mirror rang in his pocket.

"Oh, sorry, I have to take this. It's my fiancee." Comet politely spoke up and took out his compact mirror. "She's pregnant with our first child and I need to make sure she's okay."

"Understood, your majesty." Queen Batra nodded and continued the meeting with the Magical High Commission.

Comet stepped outside the meeting room and answered his mirror. "Hey, baby.~ What? WHAT?!" The king's eyes widened in horror. "B-b-but you're not due for another two weeks! Are you sure?!" Comet had to hold the mirror away from his ear as Lazuli's high-pitched scream rang out. "Okay! I'll take that as a 'yes!' Yes! Okay, I'll be right there!"

Comet collapsed the mirror, put it in his pocket, and barged back into the meeting room. Everyone was startled. "King Comet, are you alright?"

"You'll have to continue negotiations without me!" Comet ordered, excitedly. "Lazuli's gone into labor! This is it! I'm having a baby!"

The Magical High Commission cheered for their king as he raced downstairs to the medical ward. Even Queen Batra and a few of the monsters she had brought with her happily clapped for him.

The next day, Azure Saint played a happy tune on her lute as she journeyed into the castle to finally meet her grandson. But as she entered the castle, she was not greeted by either her son or her future daughter-in-law. Thinking that something must be wrong, she strapped her instrument to her back and rushed through the halls, trying to find someone. At last, she heard the soft cry coming from Comet's childhood bedroom. Much to her relief, Comet and the baby were both alive and well. But the infant's mother was nowhere to be found.

"Comet? Are you alright? What's wrong?" Without a word, the king handed a note to his mother while still keeping his son close to his chest. Azure picked up the note and read it to herself, her face forming a frown the more she read. "What…? 'Too young…? Need time…? Forget about me…?'" The former queen took a seat next to her son, stroking his back. "Oh, Comet, I… I don't know what to say."

"Do you know what the worst part is?" Comet sniffled as he cradled his son in his arms. "I still love her."

Azure took out her handkerchief to dry her son's eyes before looking back down at her grandson. "What's his name?"

"... Mars." Comet finally managed to say.

"That's a fine name." Azure smiled. "Why don't I take him for a few minutes so you can have time to process this?"

Comet nodded, tearfully, and handed the infant over to his mother. While the former queen left to spend time with her grandson, Comet stared at a picture of himself and Lazuli baking a pie. "It seems like just yesterday we stole Uncle Hekapoe's scissors to go dimension hopping…"

"How does it go from that to abandoning you with your bastard son?" A voice called out. The king turned around to see a short young man with light green hair and two five-pointed star marks on his cheeks.

"Etherio!" Comet brought his only brother into a crushing bear hug. "You came! Thank you, brother. It means a lot to me. How're things in the Mortician's Kingdom?"

"Oh, y'know." Etherio shrugged off Comet's arms. "Little dark, little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people. Anyway, yeah, I heard Marmalade left you and your new kid."

Comet cringed at his brother's tone. "You're not still bitter are you, bro? Look, I didn't make the rules. And I definitely didn't ask to be the first-born. But I think I needed to take up the besides, you turned out alright, huh?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm just peachy." Etherio rolled his eyes. "I'm just married to a dark and dismal queen of an even darker and more dismal kingdom. And I don't have any magic since I was never even allowed to touch the scepter-"

"Alright, that's enough!" Comet barked, impatiently. "I'm done apologizing for dad's decision, okay?! He loved both of us, but he gave me the throne and scepter because tradition dictated it! And I never claimed that I was perfect or anything! I was reckless and immature! Dad's death, it… it helped me grow the hell up! And I'm in no mood to deal with whatever hang ups you still have!"

The former prince of Mewni recoiled in horror at his brother's sudden outburst. "Stump, bro, chill out." Etherio took a flask of bourbon out from his coat pocket and offered it to the king. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Comet sighed and accepted the flask. "Yeah, I just… one year ago, I was having the time of my life with an amazing girlfriend. Now, I'm a single father trying to juggle peace negotiations with the monsters and keeping the Mewmans in line."

"Well, I reckon moping isn't going to do any good." Etherio reasoned, taking his flask back. "Unless you'd rather let me take over?"

Comet rolled his eyes, but he knew that his brother had a point. "You're right, Etherio. For once. If this peace treaty is going to become a reality, I've got to put my problems with Lazuli on hold and focus on my work. I'll see you later."

"Good for you, bro!" Etherio praised, half-heartedly as he took another swig of bourbon. "Y'know, mom wouldn't let me say this while you two were together, but Lazuli Marmalade was a no-good tramp who tried to fuck her way into this family."

Comet pivoted on his heels and marched towards his little brother with a menacing gleam in his eyes. "She is a fantastic chef, the mother of my child, and the most beautiful woman in all of Mewni." He snarled.

Etherio broke out into a nervous sweat as his brother loomed over him. "Too soon. Got it." He gulped.

Ten Years later…

Comet smugly placed all of the Johansen flags against the wall before tying his hair back into a ponytail and washing his hands to get on with his cooking activities. But rather than spending the next year looking down on his family's oldest allies, Comet would be a good sport and send them a pie for a fair game. But for now, he needed to bake twelve more pies for the upcoming meeting with Batra to continue the peace talks.

He was just gathering some eggs together when he heard a pair of feet stomping into the kitchen. Mars placed his own flags against the wall and happily skipped over to his father. "Hey, dad? Can Lake Johansen and I have a sleepover?"

"Sure, buddy." Comet ruffled his boy's hair with a smile. "But first I need to get ready for my meeting with Queen Batra, okay?"

"Can I help?!" Mars eagerly bounced on his heels. "Can I?! Can I?! Can I?!"

"Sure!" Comet smiled at his son's enthusiasm. "For starters, wash your hands."

Mars ran over to the sink, soaked his hands, and ran back.

Comet crossed his arms. "With soap."

Mars rolled his eyes and went back to properly wash his hands. Comet shook his head, bemused. "Alright, now, do you remember where I put my whisk?"

"Oh, yeah!" Mars threw open one of the drawers and pulled out a handful of cooking utensils, holding each one up one at a time. "Is this it?"

"No, that's a ladle."

"Oh… is this it?"

"No, that's a measuring cup."

"How 'bout this?"

"That's a rolling pin."

"This?"

"Curdled milk grater."

"This?"

"Meat tenderizer."

"This?"

"That's the ladle again!" Comet groaned, exasperated. "Honestly, son, I go over all of this with you twice a week! Ugh… nevermind. I'll just use my scepter."

With a wave of his hand, the family heirloom shifted into a whisk. Mars' eyes sparkled in delight at the sight of the magic at his father's command. "This is what a whisk looks like." Comet informed, pointing at the scepter's new shape before proceeding to whisk the eggs.

Placing the unused utensils on the counter, Mars failed to notice that he'd compromised the stack of fresh pie tins in his haste to get a closer look. Luckily, Comet heard the noise and just barely managed to catch the stack from falling on top of his oblivious son. "Dad, why're you mixing those eggs?"

Comet grunted as he finally stabilized the stack. "Well, I need to mix them for the pie crust."

"And if you mix it with the magic scepter, does that make it a magic pie?" Mars asked, innocently.

Comet chortled. "Sorry, buddy. But the only magic that goes into my cooking is an enchanting flavor."

"Cooooool!" Mars beamed as his father continued whisking the eggs. "Hey, dad? Uncle Etherio was the prince before me, right?"

"He was." Comet nodded.

"So, if I'm gonna be the king after you, what'll that make him?"

The king let out a sigh. "A bitter uncle."

"...I don't get it."

"I'm not sure I understand it either, buddy." Comet shrugged. "Whelp, the eggs are done! Mars, can you grab me the flour?"

"Right-o!" The prince ran over to the window sill, pulled out a handful of lilies, and ran over to hold them up to his father. "Here ya go!"

Comet chuckled, tiredly, and set down the scepter. "Buddy, those are flowers."

"Yeah!" Mars nodded.

"I need flour." The king explained, patiently. "The powdery stuff that comes in a big brown sack?"

"Oh, yeah!" Mars dropped the flowers and bolted for the pantry. The prince ignored the smaller bags of flour and grabbed a much larger and heavier sack. Grunting and groaning, Mars pulled the heavy sack along the floor towards his father, failing to notice that a tear was forming at the bottom. Comet was busy chopping up the ingredients to realize what was happening, so by the time he turned around to check on his boy's progress it was too late. The bag tore open, and the white powder filled the air and covered everything. Comet's half-lidded eyes surveyed the huge mess, realizing it would take hours to clean up. Mars looked up at his father's annoyed expression with a hint of fear.

"Mars?"

"Yeah, dad?"

Comet smiled as he gently placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "When you grow up, I hope you have a son who is just like you."

"Wow." Mars smiled. "Thanks, dad!"

The Next Day...

Mars and Lake laughed at each other's funny faces before Comet served them stacks of pancakes and corn. "So what were you two doing all night for your little sleepover?"

"Not much. We just watched a bunch of movies from the Earth-dimension and argued about which one was best." Mars explained, taking another huge bite of pancakes. "I still say the best thing those people ever made was Logan's Run!"

"Ugh, that one was so boring!" Lake groaned as she nibbled on her third cob of corn. "Who wants to live in a world where you have to die when you turn thirty?!"

"Oh, Stump!" Comet cringed at the idea. "I'd have been killed ten years ago!"

Lake shook her head. "No, no, no. The best movie from the Earth-dimension is Westworld."

"No, that was boring." Mars rolled his eyes. "A bunch of rich people get waited on by mechanical servants until they kill them? Talk about bleak."

"But you what Earth-dimension movie I really like?" Lake smiled. "Shaft."

"Shut your mouth!" Mars gasped, delighted.

"But I'm talking about Shaft." Lake giggled.

"Then I can dig it." Mars snickered.

"He's a complicated man." Comet chuckled as he played along. "But no one understands him but his woman. Shaft. John Shaft."

Mars and Lake stared at the king in shocked disbelief.

"What?" Comet shrugged, indignantly. "I do have a life outside of this kitchen, y'know."

Mars rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dad."

Comet took the dirty dishes from the kids and went over to the sink to wash them. "So, are you kids ready for the big dance next weekend?"

"I was thinking about asking out Countess Mildred…" Mars shrugged. "But, I dunno, the whole thing sounds kind of boring."

Lake shrugged. "Maybe. But I heard that the music is going to be top-notch! You, uh, you should ask Mildred to the dance. I don't want to see you there alone when I go with my parents."

"Alright." Mars nodded, smiling. "You're right. You're right! I'm gonna go ask her out right now. Thanks, Lake."

Comet continued to wash the dishes as he watched his son leave. As he finished tidying up the kitchen, he noticed that Lake hadn't left, yet. The Johansen countess just stared down at the table without saying anything. Concerned, Comet went over to her. "Lake? Are you alright?"

Lake looked up and the king, her eyes watering as she tried to speak. "M-may I speak freely, your majesty?" She asked.

"Of course." Comet nodded.

"I don't want to represent the Johansens when I grow up." Lake mumbled.

"What?" Comet knelt down to eye-level with the girl. "What are you talking about? Why not?"

"Everyone's gonna laugh at me." She sniffled.

Comet was baffled. "What? Why would they laugh at you?"

Lake rubbed her eyes, sadly. "Because I'm fat."

"Aw, sweetie." Comet took out his handkerchief and used it to wipe away her tears. "Lake, you have something everybody wants; talent. You're strong, confident, fun, and you know how to balance work with pleasure! Don't let the one thing you see as a negative quality stand in the way of that. You've read about my great-great-great grandmother Queen Chastity, right?" The countess nodded. "She was a stout lady, right? But whenever she entered a room, people worshipped her! She grabbed everyone's attention! Everyone wanted to party with Chastity! And you know who else has a weight problem?"

"Who?"

"Me." Comet unbuttoned his coat and patted his portly stomach. "I mean, you don't love cooking as much as I do without putting on a few more pounds than you'd like. And it does bother me, sometimes. But I keep working to help my people every day, and they love me! Because I'm a good king who just happens to be chubby."

Lake was starting to feel better. "Why don't you just go on a diet?"

"Uh, because I like to eat." Comet shrugged. "Okay? Is that such a crime?"

Lake shook her head as a small smile spread over her lips.

"So what do you say? Will you still represent your family when the time comes?"

Lake nodded, happily. "Yes, your majesty. And… thank you."

Comet smiled. "My pleasure."

Four Years Later...

Comet proudly handed the magic scepter over to his son. In Mars' hands, the scepter transformed into a golden rod adorned with a heart-shaped sapphire at the top. Mars beamed with excitement as he showed off his scepter to all of his friends before sharing a kiss with his girlfriend. Countess Mildred gave a smug grin to all of the other young girls who secretly admired the prince.

"Now, remember, Mars; this is a big responsibility." Comet reminded his son. "Do you swear to use the power of this scepter in Mewni's best interest?"

Mars nodded and knelt before the king. "I swear."

"Do you swear to use its power to protect your loved ones and forsake all selfish intentions?"

"I swear."

"Do you swear to honor the legacy of that scepter passed down to you by your father, and his father, and his father before?"

"I swear!"

Comet smiled at his son's enthusiasm. Accepting a sword from General Loveberry, Comet tapped the boy's shoulders with the tip of the blade. "Then by the power vested in me as the thirty-fifth king of Mewni, I hereby officially proclaim you - Mars Quartz Dragonfly - as heir to the throne."

Mars' smile stretched from ear-to-ear as he jumped to his feet, turned to face the crowd, and held the scepter high above his head. "Let's get this party started!"

One hour later, Ramsey was pulling the fifteenth pie out of the oven for the guests while Comet spoke to Etherio out on the balcony. "You must be proud." Etherio remarked as he sipped his champagne.

"I most certainly am." Comet smiled as he looked out over the balcony. "Sure are a lot of stars tonight… I remember coming out here late at night with our sister."

Etherio arched an eyebrow. "We don't have a sister."

"Oh, yeah. That was you, wasn't it?" Comet teased, wrapping one arm around his brother's shoulders. "But seriously, bro, I'm grateful that you've decided to join me on my meetings with the monster diplomats. It's comforting to have a familiar face nearby."

"It's my pleasure." Etherio smiled, shrugging off his brother's arm. "When is the next meeting?"

"About one week from today." Comet replied. "This could be it. After years of talking and arguing, I think Queen Batra and I have come to a mutual understanding that can benefit both of our peoples."

Just then, the duo heard an uproar coming from the prince's party. Lake Johansen was carrying something wrapped up in a blanket and presented it to her childhood friend. "I got you a present." She smiled and opened up the blanket.

Mars gasped, joyfully, at the sight of the young pig-goat. "Lake, she's adorable!"

"Her name is Lil Caesy!" Lake beamed. "You'll be happy to know that she's one year old and already castle-broken!"

Mars took the animal into his arms just as the king and his squire showed up. "Dad! Look what Lake got me!"

"I, uh, I can see what she got you." Comet coughed into his fist before turning towards Lake's father. "I wish you'd have consulted me on this first."

"Can I keep her, dad?! Can I?!"

"Mars, I don't think-"

"Oh, come now, your majesty." Ramsey nudged his friend with a smile. "He deserves a reward for all that studying he's done to get the scepter. He'd like a pet."

"He likes the idea of a pet." Comet corrected. "He has no idea how much work they actually are."

"Please, dad?!" Mars begged, making sure that Lil Caesy's adorable eyes were on display. "I swear I'll take care of her!"

Comet let out a tired sigh in defeat. "Okay, son. You can keep her." Mars jumped with glee as he hugged the baby piglet-goat. The king interjected, pointing sternly. "But remember; she's your responsibility. That means you have to feed her, and clean up after her, and keep her from eating things she's not supposed to."

"I will! Thank you, dad!" Mars hugged his father tightly.

One week had passed since Mars inherited the scepter. Comet had finished preparing all of the food for the final signing of the peace treaty, the Magical High Commission and General Loveberry were prepared to protect their king, and Ramsey had arranged for his wife and children to watch their restaurant for the night so he could support his best friend.

As heir to the throne of Mewni, Mars had an obligation to attend the meeting as well, but the prince was not interested. Currently, the prince and his best friend were attending Ramsey's restaurant for lunch. The squire came out of the kitchen and blinked in surprise at the sight of the two. "Mars? What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting ready for the meeting tonight?"

"Relax, Uncle Ramsey." Mars waved him off as he took Lake's coat and hung it on her seat for her. "The meeting isn't for another five hours. I've got plenty of time. I'm just here to treat Lake to a nice lunch as a thank you for Lil Caesy!"

Ramsey sighed. "Alright, let me go get my notepad."

"You didn't have to do this, Mars." Lake assured her friend. "Lil Caesy was a gift."

"Nonsense." Mars shook his head and placed his scepter on the table as he took a seat. "We've been friends for a long time. I don't need an excuse to treat you to a nice lunch."

"Alright, well, I need to go wash my hands." Lake got up to head towards the bathroom. "I don't care what we eat, as long as there's corn on the side."

"You got it." Mars nodded.

After Lake left, the prince took a moment to admire his family scepter. Just then, the front door of the restaurant burst open and a group of noblewomen from the Mortician's kingdom entered. Leader of the pack was Duchess Heartthrob - Mars' cousin - the rudest and most unpleasant noble in all of Mewni. While she and her friends forced an elderly group away from their table, a devilish smirk spread over Mars' lips as he discreetly placed the scepter under his table. Once Heartthrob sat down, Mars fired a fine magic beam that sliced one of the legs off of her chair. Heartthrob shrieked in surprise as she fell to the floor, making the crown prince laugh as hard as his lungs would allow.

Heartthrob pushed her friends aside as she angrily stood up from the floor. After brushing herself off, she took a deep breath and made her way over to Mars' table. "Well, if it isn't my dear cousin!" She smiled. "Coming from on high to mingle with the commoners."

"You said it. I didn't." Mars shrugged.

Heartthrob was about to snap back when she noticed the empty coat on the chair. "Hey… this belongs to that fat Johansen countess, doesn't it? Does Mildred know you're cheating on her with the heaviest girl in Mewni?"

"Hey, watch it." Mars threatened as his cousin and her friends laughed. "That is my friend you are talking about."

"Oh, yeah." Heartthrob chortled, obnoxiously. "I bet she's tons of fun! Honestly, Mars, you need to work on your standards! I can't imagine anyone more hideous!"

The prince picked up a silver tray from another table and held it in front of the duchess' face. "Ooga-booga-booga."

It was then that Ramsey returned. "Sorry about the wait, your highness." He apologized as he took out his pen and notepad. "So what will you and Countess Lake be having?"

"Uh, we'll have a chicken, two cobs of corn, and a pot of tea." Mars nodded.

"Okay, that takes care of your date, what do you want?" Heartthrob and her friends laughed.

"Date?" Ramsey smiled at Mars, ignoring his cousins' taunting. "Mars why didn't you tell me? I would have given you two a more private table."

"Not you too, uncle!" Mars groaned. "Why are you all teasing me like this?! I hang out with Lake, she hangs out with me! I am sick of everyone thinking that makes us soulmates! You've seen the girls I've dated before! You know what I like! Lake is definitely not my girlfriend!"

"I'm not your friend either!" Lake snapped from behind the prince. She had heard everything. Grabbing her coat, the countess angrily and tearfully left the restaurant. Mars could only hang his head in shame.

To Be Continued!

Author's note: Sorry this took so long to finish. I just moved into a new house and I've been very busy. As always, please read and review!