Since it's Christmas, I know that all of you will forgive me for taking months to write this chapter. And, of course, I still don't own the Protector of the Small series.
Keladry could not remember a time when wearing her Yamani mask stressed her as much as it had the past fortnight. Not even during her days as a page when she wore it as a shield to Joren's and his friends' cruel taunts.
There were moments, then, where she struggled to hold it in place. Especially during her years as a squire. But the will she had to summon to keep it in place during her illicit nighttime rendezvous well surpassed petty insults of 'The Girl.'
Every night for two weeks, she returned to the King's rooms. And every night she left despite his pleas for her remain in his arms.
To Kel, it felt like she was someone else. One of those ladies at court that wore ear bobs and other frippery and looked at a lance in horror when it smashed into a man's breastplate, sending wooden debris, and sometimes even men, flying.
She could not practice with the squires that had yet to be chosen by a Knight master. Nor could she go out with the Own like she normally did when the need to being doing something struck her. All of the activities she enjoyed, practice bouts, tilting, and her morning warm up with the glaive, were considered too physically strenuous.
Such activities posed a risk to the baby she might be carrying.
A feeling of being trapped was coming down upon her. And that feeling only grew stronger when she woke on Earthsday to a clean loincloth.
Kel's monthlies were regular. She could expect them to start the first Earthsday of each month and end on Sunsday. So she knew, when she woke the morning of Earthsday to no blood, no cramps, and no headache that her deepest desire and worst nightmare had come true.
She was with child.
The Knight knew that Roald and Shinko would be ecstatic. But Kel's own feelings were a tsunami.
She was going to be a mother. And Kel was delighted about that fact. She was an aunt many times over, what with six of her siblings married and thirteen children between them, and more on the way. Kel grew up with a large family and wanted the same for her children. She loved her mother and only hoped she could be half as good a mother as Ilane of Mindelan.
And the child was also Roald's. The man she loved.
But all her negative feelings, fear, worry, regret, resentment were for the same reason.
She should not have agreed to this foolish plan. How could she hide this child when her belly began to swell? How would the Queen mimic the signs of pregnancy? What would happen when the scam was uncovered? Roald would never sentence her to prison or Execution Hill, but her honor and her family's honor would be ruined.
Maybe she could leave? Flee the palace. Go somewhere no one would look for her. Return to Mindelan and pretend the babe came from a one night union. Her parents would see her married off straight away to a man that would not care that the child was not his own. She would be safe from disgrace.
As quickly as the idea came to Kel's mind it was gone. She could not go back on her word so casually. She had given Roald an oath as a Knight of the Realm and refused to break it.
Kel studied her reflection in the mirror as she dressed, self-conscious of her midriff. Her hands lingered there although she knew she would be unable to feel her child moving yet, imagining it rounded with her child. Her heart fluttered at the thought.
She had always thought it foolish when her sisters would coo and whisper to their enlarged stomachs as if the baby could hear their words. But now that it was her turn, Kel understood. It was natural. It didn't make her feel stupid at all.
"I hope that you don't hate me for what I've done, little one. Just know that I will always love you."
Her hands lingered for a moment longer. Her child. Kel rather liked the sound of that.
Kel arrived at Roald's room early that night. Staring at the oak door, nostalgia bombarded her.
She had spent countless evenings in those rooms as a page. Being the largest rooms available, they were of course given to the prince when he started his knight training. And when the group got together after dinner to start the never ending mountains of homework they received, Roald's rooms had been nominally chosen because they were the only ones big enough to house all the pages that made up her group of friends.
Kel remember leaving each night to patrol the halls for Joren, Garvey, Zahir ibn Alhaz, and Quinden to put a stop to their hazing that was no more than bullying. Each time Roald would lift his head from the history assignment he was writing and nod, acknowledging what she was doing even though he could not participate.
Kel had understood then and never faulted him for not joining. He was the Crown Prince of Tortall. He could not be seen picking fights with pages in the halls.
But she knew what Neal, Cleon, Seaver, Faleron, and the others did not. Kel saw him, fluttering on her peripheral vision. Roald followed after the group on every adventure, silently supporting their fight because he could not do so publicly.
When they returned he would tend to the concealed bruises, always ignoring Lord Wyldon's demand that the pages not be treated so that they would learn not to fight in the corridors when they ached in lessons the next day.
At first Kel had refused. Not because she was proud of them, but because she did not want to partially undress in front of a boy. It mattered not that he was the prince, she was not going to let anyone but a Healer and Lalasa see her in any form of undress.
The Prince had been stubborn, though. Eventually Kel had relented.
Inhaling deeply, she knocked. 'You're ready for this,' she convinced herself. 'You wanted this. You agreed to this.'
The door was opened and Kel slipped in before Roald could speak. "I'm with child."
Kel donned her Yamani mask once more as she awaited his reaction. For a minute Roald said nothing, only staring at her like she had suddenly morphed into horse like Diane could. And then his entire countenance brightened.
"That's wonderful news, Kel!" Two large hands cupped her face and Roald solidly kissed her.
Kel didn't think. She reacted, kissing back with equal ferocity. His lips attacked hers; their tongues danced, fighting for dominance. It had been five years since he had last kissed her like this. It made her realize how much she missed this; missed him, missed the two of them.
She pushed him away, breaking the kiss. She would not rekindle her feelings for Roald. It wouldn't be by choice, but he would break her heart again. She was already attached to the life that grew within her. Kel's heart would not be able to handle loving both father and child from a distance.
"Kel," came his whisper. She clenched her eyes, "Please don't." Kel hated how breathy the words came out, but she had to stop him. "Please," she repeated.
The Lady Knight knew the next words out of him mouth would be 'I love you.' And she was prepared to beg if she had to, to prevent Roald from speaking those words. Because Kel knew, if he whispered those words reverently to her again, the wall she built around her heart would crumble.
And that was dangerous in her position. Keladry refused to give into her love for the prince a second time.
Their situation was unchangeable. He was married, the prince of the realm. She was his vassal, his Lady Knight. They were not allowed to be together.
Kel methodically hid her turmoil behind her face of Yamani politeness. "What do we do now?"
The woman reclined on one of the familiar beds of Duke Baird's territory. The man's emerald gift glittered steadily and brightly as his large hands hovered over her abdomen.
In no time at all the examination was finished and the healer stepped back, smile curling his lips. "You are, indeed, pregnant, Lady Knight." He confirmed.
Keladry said nothing as Duke Baird picked up a pad of paper and began to write. "What are you doing?"
"I'm writing an approved diet to send to the kitchens. Now that you're with child, you'll need certain foods that aren't served regularly. Not to mention that many expecting mothers find themselves desiring of odd combinations at all hours of the day. The kitchens need to know what is safe for you to consume and to have a chef on call should you need nourishment."
Kel's mind boggled at the lengths the palace would go to make her comfortable. As Roald had planned, she would take a year away from the own to return to the palace to teach a class on the culture of the Yamani Isles. She never thought they would so compliantly accept more demands on their time and an increased workload for her.
As far as Duke Baird was concerned, and anyone else for that matter, the father of her babe was a commoner she was sweet on that had passed away from illness during winter. A nameless, faceless man.
So it stunned her that the servants of the palace would be so considerate for her. Would they offer the same service for any pregnant woman residing there? Or was this treatment because she was one of the two respected female knights of Tortall?
She listened diligently as Neal's father listed all the things she was restricted from doing and promised to visit every other Watersday at the fourth bell so he could monitor her progress.
"Nausea is extremely common women that are with child. Crackers and ginger will usually soothe you, but if they don't, or you feel that you are doing so too often, come straight to me." Kel nodded her at him. She already knew what the Duke was telling her. She had been present for many Mindelan pregnancies.
Duke Baird dismissed her, stating that she should take the time to rest before the evening meal. "Oh, and deliver this to King Roald, will you?"
Kel took the sheet of paper from his head. "What is this?" She asked as hazel eyes scanned the words written.
"Simply a letter to inform the king that you are currently with child and that it would be inadvisable to send you out on any job."
"Inadvisable?" she echoed.
Duke Baird of Queenscove laughed. "I can't demand that the king not tell you to perform you duty as swore an oath to. And I know that he won't risk your child if he knows about it. So make sure that he gets that letter."
Kel's mask was easy to put in place this time. This time she was covering her laughter. Of course Roald wouldn't risk her child. It was his as well. The heir to the Tortallan throne. "I will. Thank you for confirming it."