Here's another chapter for all of you. As always, I do not own Protector of the Small. That right belongs to Tamora Pierce.
Palace life was slowly driving Kel insane.
It had not yet been even two weeks since she had received the good news. Her own feelings regarding the news was still up in the air and unlikely to come down anytime soon.
A great surprise to her, Keladry enjoyed teaching her class. It had been remarkably easy to fall back into the Yamani ways. Whereas the task of controlling her emotions and projecting a smooth face had taken effort in the first half of the month, now it was easy.
It was a relief to hide behind the lie they had constructed. Being the instructor was so much easier than being the student. She was overjoyed to see that there were three girls clustered together on the right side of the room. Three was a small number, but it was an improvement. Kel had watched them carefully for signs that the girls were being bullied like she had been, but saw none. The boys finally seemed to be coming around to sharing their profession with females.
The concepts of Yamani culture were simple to understand but harder for the pages to put into practice. They had a very strict etiquette, particularly with regards to emotions. Not having started learning to cover their emotions since they were babes on their mothers' hips, Keladry knew the pages would never master this skill.
At least, most of them would not. They would become proficient enough to not insult a native should they visit the Yamani Islands. The two she saw promise in, a boy named Harlan from Danshame and Elspeth of Niedes Jewel, one of the girls, could possibly become good enough to earn positions as ambassadors to the islands. Or join Baron George's network of spies. The wily rogue was also looking for eager recruits.
However relaxing she found her days in the classroom, the steady and staid lifestyle did not appeal to her. Kel wanted to rush down to the stables and rejoin with the Own, who had set off only yesterday to a town in the north that had been covered by an avalanche. She was no cut out for monotony and routine.
She had acquired cabin fever in the short month she had been at the palace. Her life within its walls was so predictable. A bout of sickness in the morning before breakfast. Kel had learned early that it was not any particular scent that would upset her, but simply the smell of food in general. She had them send in a dish of plain rice first. Once she had been sick, Kel could eat the rest of her meal.
From there, Kel had four classes, one for each year group of pages. Her classes were scheduled specifically in the morning so that she would have the afternoon to rest. Unfortunately for Kel, she would have to repeat the same trick from breakfast in order to keep down lunch and dinner.
The female knight wasn't overly concerned by how often she felt nauseous, but she was going to address it later that afternoon with Duke Queenscove. She could not take any risks with the child she was carrying.
The one upside to her new life in the palace; Kel rarely had to see their Majesties. With her classes and the demands her body was putting on her, Kel only saw Roald and Shinko in passing.
Her good fortune would not last forever. Both of her friends were adamant that she was not ruining their marriage and that they would protect her from a legion of Stormwings before they let her be persecuted for doing them a favor.
The King went as far as to promise to take all blame should their illicit relationship be discovered. She had nothing to say about that, except to make a promise of her own. Kel would flee to Scanra before she let him be slandered, ridiculed, and maligned for doing what he had to.
Kel actually avoided Shinko more than she did Roald. The woman's persuasions were chipping at her walls. If Kel wasn't careful, she would find herself believing the words the Queen told her.
But there was no chance for her and Roald. This was a one time deal. She would place the baby in their arms and never look back. Even on her weakest days, where she couldn't deny her feelings for him, Kel understood that she could not continue to pursue this future. She did not want of life of being the King's secret mistress.
"I see," frowned Duke Baird.
Panic gripped her heart. She had just finished explaining how every meal would make her sick and how she got around the nausea so she could feed herself and the life growing within her. Kel had expected platitudes from the healer how this was normal and to be expected. Clearly, her frequent nausea was far from the norm. What did that mean for her baby?
Kel was working herself up to a full blown panic attack when the Duke curled two hands over her shoulders. Immediately the feel of his magic soothed her. "Breathe, Lady Knight. This is not bad news, per say. Not yet, at least. Like I told you, some women suffer from nausea more than others. Your case is more extreme than most, but I would not say it is anything to worry about. If the vomiting becomes any more frequent, you come straight to me."
The brunette bobbed her head to show she understood. The duke wasn't worried, but he was concerned, and that was enough for Kel. He had her step on a scale next. The frown on his face deepened as he wrote down the number.
"You've lost a little weight. You are going to need to eat more and keep it down to put it back on. The first three months are vital to the baby's growth. It will need all the nutrients it can get. Don't be afraid to call down to the kitchens if you are feeling puckish," he instructed. "Now, lie back down and we'll take a look at the fetus." He gestured to the bed she had just vacated.
"Wait!" Kel grabbed his wrist as his large hands moved to hover over her still flat stomach. They already glowed green with his Gift. "Will this tell me the gender, because I don't want to know?"
"No, it is too soon to tell. Today is just to check that it is growing properly. At this early stage of pregnancy, you won't actually be able to see the baby." That news crushed Kel, even though she didn't want to know the gender for fear she would get attached to a baby she couldn't keep, she had hoped see something today. "We will be able to monitor the child's heartbeat."
The sound of a quick thump, thump, thump filled the room. Duke Baird noted that the heartbeat was as to be expected and that Kel was free to go, leaving her with the reminder to eat more often. He did not comment on the tears stinging her eyes, assuming that they were from the joy of listening to her baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was a common reaction.
Granted, some of them may have been for that reason, but largely, Kel cried for herself. She didn't have to see the baby to become attached to it.
Barely even a month pregnant and she loved it too much already. It was just like all her sisters had told her when they were trying to convince Kel to marry. There was nothing in the world quite like having a baby with a man you loved. Kel loved her child so much because it was a part of him; the only part of Roald that she could have. And even then, Kel couldn't keep that part. If her heart was broken already, it would be shattered when she handed the babe into Shinko's arms.
Kel fled back to her rooms, sobbing. She did not eat the rest of the day. She cradled her stomach and muttered, "I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry," repeatedly.
A hurried knock on her door pulled Kel out of her dreams. Fantasies, really, in which she watched Roald play openly on the Corus's sloping lawns with their children. She stumbled out of her bed and cracked the door open wide enough to see who would be calling on her at such a late hour.
"Kel," the man said. "May I come in?"
Her eyes darted down both ends of the corridor. "Roald! What are you doing here? What if you were seen? Do you have any idea of the rumors that would start if the servants start gossiping about the King visiting my chambers at night?"
Of course it would be him. Who else had a reason for visiting her?
"I apologize, but I needed to speak with you. Will you let me in?"
"Very well, but be quick about it." She stepped aside to let him through and leant against the door once it was closed.
Roald stood, visibly nervous, at the foot of her bed. His hands jerked, as if he went to twist them together whenever he felt the need to choose his words carefully. "Duke Baird informed me of your appointment with him today," he started.
"What?" Kel gasped. Those meetings were supposed to be private. "Why?"
"I asked him to keep me up to date." From the tone of his voice, it was easy to tell that he would rather Kel let him know about anything of significance.
"Does he know the child is yours?" she asked frantically,
"No. Not at all. I gave him the impression that I was asking out of concern for a friend. But I wanted to ask how you were faring." Roald's voice was full of sincerity. "From what the duke said, this pregnancy has not been easy on you so far."
"It's nothing," Kel denied. His eyes were piercing as he studied her face. Roald wanted the truth, but he would not discern it from her.
"If you are sure."
"I'm fine. We both are." Kel said firmly.
He nodded, accepting her lies as truth. Then he stepped forward to capture her mouth. At first, she kissed back just as fiercely. Later, after he had left, she would blame it on her out of control hormones. He pulled away to breath. She turned her face to the side when he made to kiss her again.
"No, Roald," she breathed. "We can't do this."
"Don't say that Keladry. Just this once, let us not be a king and his knight. Tonight, we are a man and a woman; husband and wife."
Kel shook her head, "But Shinkokami is your wife."
"On paper only. She is not the wife of my heart. That belongs to you, Kel." His dark blue eyes shone with love.
"Alright."
For one night she would let go of her fears and let herself be his wife. It was easily the best night of her life. She was sad to hear the chime of the bell that foretold the rising of the sun, but she did not regret giving in to his wishes. Before its rays ghosted through her window, Roald was gone.