I still do not own Protector of the Small. The characters, places, and universe all belong to Tamora Pierce.
Kel tried to sink into the softness of her bed, convinced that if she could just relax she would fall back asleep. She mainly hoped that falling asleep would ease the unrelenting nausea she was experiencing. But it was impossible to relax and let the dream world replace the real world when the smell from the bucket next to her bed filled her nose every time she took a breath.
The smell alone of her already regurgitate meals was enough to make her need to use it again. Kel had startled awake, the bile crawling its way up her throat. She had no made it to the washroom, though she had been very apologetic when one of the kitchen servants arrived to deliver her pre-meal serving of rice, especially since it had only caused her to vomit a second time.
Lia, as Kel had learned her name was, scolded her when she tried to get on hands and knees to help scrub the mess up. With a firm grip on the knight's elbow, Lia had steered her back into bed, cheerfully set the bucket in range should Kel need it, and was quick to dispose of the vomit with rags and a basin of water.
Kel felt horribly guilty, watching the young woman clean up after her while she tried to keep down the rice she had brought. After all the babies that had been in the Mindelan home, she was used to dealing bile. It was not a pleasant experience, and she almost lost it just thinking about how slimy and disgusting it was.
She released another bout into the bucket, causing Lia to look up from her task with concern.
"I'll be right back with Duke Baird, Lady Knight."
The pregnant woman silently begged that Lia was swift footed. Learning to eat around her nausea had been a chore and the duke had already said it had resulted in her losing weight she needed.
At first, Kel had been amused when Neal's father had told her she wasn't at the correct weight for a pregnant woman. She had never considered herself unfit. In fact, it was her that had to convince the boys to eat their vegetables at lunch and dinner. Plus, she knew she was taller and heavier than nearly every page in her year. Neal didn't count, obviously, being five years older.
Duke Baird had patiently explained that most of her weight came from her muscle mass, which was heavier than fat. And while her muscles were atrophy from lack of use, because Kel used to work them strenuously, she was heavily restricted in what physical activities she could do.
Riding was allowed, so long as it was never more than a walk. She definitely couldn't take a run at the quintains. Kel had to fight to participate in mock spars. Duke Baird insisted on excessive protective padding and dull wooden swords. Kel agreed easily, it was what she would have done, and only sparred with her friends, Neal, Dom, Merric, Owen, when they visited. All of them were aware of her condition and took great care when sparring with her. Not once had any practice blade come near striking distance of her stomach. They all aimed well above, at her arms and ribs. It made predicting where they would strike easy, but Kel appreciated the workout more than the challenge.
Duke Baird's main concern was that she wasn't keeping the food she ate down and gaining the weight she needed for the baby to be healthy.
It was not for lack of trying. Kel thought taking smaller meals for frequently throughout the day might help, but the first scent of food had her running for the nearest privy. Duke Baird had talked to the chefs in the kitchen on her behalf and they started sending up a wider variety of food. That, too, had proved futile.
The never ending nausea was nearly her breaking point. The salty crackers and ginger teas that Duke Baird had recommended had absolutely no effect. She cursed Roald and Shinko for putting her in this position. Cursed herself for not denying her feelings and agreeing to this insane plot. And Kel largely cursed herself for wishing that Roald was here to rub her back or hold the hair out of her face.
Kel jumped when her door slammed open, admitting not Duke Baird, but his son.
"Neal!" she exclaimed, moving to sit up only to recline again when her meager rice breakfast threatened to make a reappearance. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Meag Marsh for another week."
Kel eyed her best friend from head to toe, gauging from his pale skin, normally fair, that he had used too much of his Gift. His high cheekbones looked a little hollow and his light brown hair, normally swept back from a widow's peak, looked uncombed and unwashed.
She knew that he had been sent to Meag Marsh to heal an illness going around, but had not imagined the toll it would take on him. Kel had never seen Neal appear this exhausted.
"You've overused your Gift, again." It was a bad habit he had gotten from his Knight Master, Alanna. The first female knight used to drag her squire all across the country side to deal with every assortment of ailments.
"Alanna ended up riding through on her way back to Pirate's Swoop and we finished in half the time. But never mind that, Kel." He waved off her concern with a flippant wave of his hand. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
Her brows knitted together briefly. She wasn't sure what he was talking about, so she settled for being deliberately obtuse. "You know I'm with child."
"The vomiting," he said impatiently. "You're going to puke yourself to dehydration. Have you been drinking plenty of water?"
Kel blinked furiously when her eyes welled up with tears. She hated that her out of control hormones meant she could cry on the drop of a silver noble. To her, it seemed like any touching gesture or word of concern for her set them off.
Neal almost panicked when he saw them. "I'm fine, Neal." She pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her words. "You know it's just hormones. But thank you."
His green eyes, a deep emerald color just like his Gift, pinned her. She fidgeted. Neal didn't believe for a second that Kel was just fine. Of all the friends she had made as a page, he knew her best. He was her best friend and she was his.
Kel was the first person to not mock him for starting at fifteen. Originally, Neal had thought having a girl in their ranks would make everything awkward. But Kel, with her blunt honesty, the way she hid her emotions, but never her passion, felt like one of the boys, and it was easy to treat her like one even though she always wore a dress to dinner.
Kel had worked twice as hard and twice as long as the rest of them to earn her shield. She never gave up when Joren was bullying her or when the training masters tried to give her a heavier or different workload then the boys claiming that, as a female, she would need to do different exercises to properly build her muscles and stamina.
Neal had seen it for the horseshit it was, but there was nothing he could do about it. If he called out one of their teachers for his unfair treatment he'd only receive punishment. If there was one thing Kel hated more than people who picked on those unable to protect themselves, it was when her friends got in trouble on her behalf.
He crossed the room in quick strides, sinking down next to his best friend and wiping the sweaty hair plastered to the sides of her face back. "You're not fine and you don't have to pretend to be. Not with me," he said softly.
Kel's tears, which had already dried up, streamed down her face.
Neal was silent as she cried. He just held her close and rocked her gently. "Feel better now?" he asked when they stopped coming.
The female knight nodded. "Thank you," she said again. "I didn't know how much I needed that."
"Good, now tell me why Roald's not here. Holding you while you cry, keeping your hair out of the way, and rubbing you back are his responsibility."
Neal was not stupid. He had seen how much Kel had liked the King when they were pages and squires. He knew how heartbroken the girl was when Roald went through with his arranged marriage. He was the only person Kel had confided her feelings in. It was he that created diversions or dragged the rest of their friends away so that the pair could have some time alone.
So he knew, without a doubt, that the child Kel carried was Roald's. He was the only man that she had ever loved.
Despite the pain that their Majesties' marriage had caused her, Neal was glad that Kel was freed from whatever temptation might have lingered. Because Roald was respectable, a gentleman. He would never be unfaithful to his wife and Queen.
Watching Kel cry her eyes out and be sick to her stomach, Neal wanted nothing more than to drag Roald to some unknown part of the palace and beat him senseless. He certainly deserved a little pain for all the heartache he had cause Kel.
He watched as her face smoothed out until he could discern no emotions from it, losing all color until she was as white as the sheets beneath them. It frustrated Neal that, after all these years, Kel still used that expressionless mask to cover up her true emotions. It just wasn't her. Neal knew that Kel was, in face, a very emotional girl.
"Neal!" she hissed. "You can't say that. Someone might hear you." Her hazel eyes, which she struggled with clearing of emotions, darted about the room frantically, as if searching for someone eavesdropping on their conversation.
Neal frowned at the action. Mistresses were never looked upon favorably, but having one was quite common amongst the nobles. No one would be shocked to learn Roald had one. If anything, being a King's Mistress was an honor.
It was a hypocrisy that never made sense to Neal. He just had to accept that's the way it was. Mistresses were gossiped about. Nasty rumors and cruel words flew abound whenever one was discovered. But when his many times great-grandfather Gareth of Conté, who had married a foreign princess, took a Tortall noble as his mistress, the country had cheered, rejoiced to have royal children of Tortallan blood. Not that they had loved the legitimate heir to the throne any less.
So why was Kel so afraid someone would overhear that she was carrying Roald's child. After her efforts in the Scanran War, defeating the necromancer Blayce the Gallan and her reputation as Protector of the Small, the citizens of Tortall loved her just as much as they loved their Queen.
Neal thought she would be happy to finally get what she wanted.
When she first told him of her secret meetings with Roald, Neal had told her he thought she'd make a great Queen. Kel had insisted otherwise, but he knew she was wrong. No one fought harder against injustice than Kel and she could do so much more as Queen of Tortall than as a Knight of the Realm. But for Kel, it would only be a title that came with being involved with Roald.
To his eyes, her situation looked perfect. She earned her shield and was going to have a child with the man she loved since she was thirteen.
"Kel, what's wrong? What am I missing? What don't I know?" Neal begged her for answers. He couldn't help her if he didn't understand.
Kel's tears started anew. "Cri . . . Cricket's barren. They asked me to carry a baby for them," she managed to say through hiccups.
He stared at her slack jawed. His brain whirled, putting the whole picture together now that he had the missing pieces.
"They asked you to carry a child for them. One they're going to pretend is a legitimate heir. And you agreed to this half-baked plan." She bobbed her head in answer making him ground his teeth. Neal couldn't believe that Roald and Shinkokami would take advantage of Kel's friendship like that. Kel would do anything to help her friends and they both knew that.
He clenched his fist into her bed sheets in anger. It was completely unfair of them to ask this of her. Roald doubly so because he knew Kel loved him once. They were going to get a child to call their own out of the arrangement and what would Kel get?
Nothing, because she wouldn't be able to acknowledge the child as her own. It didn't benefit her in any way to give birth to the next King or Queen. It was already causing her so much pain, and Neal could only imagine how much worse it would get when Kel would have to denounce a part of herself.
Neal's hands shone with his dark green Gift as he lulled his best friend to sleep. He used it to ease the dryness of her mouth and throat and ease her stomach.
"Sleep, Kel. I'll be here when you wake. I'm going to help you through this. I promise."
Her hazel eyes looked at him gratefully before his Gift took effect. Neal gently disentangled her from him, laying her against the pillows. His own eyes looked her up and down, taking in just how hard this pregnancy was on her, before rising fluidly to his feet.
He had promised to be there when she awoke, which would probably be in two hours. And he would be. But two hours was more than enough time for Neal to have words with his King and rough him up for treating Kel like a common whore.