Thank you for sticking with me even if you are mad at Elizabeth right now.

6. A Friend's Wise Counsel

Elizabeth knew right away that she had gone too far, but did not follow William out of the kitchen because she did not trust herself not to say something else nasty. Instead she followed up by getting a step ladder, removing the valance, spraying it with stain cleaner and scrubbing at the stain. She directed all her anger at the stubborn stain. The top "jelly-like" splatter was gone almost immediately but the purple stain while lightening a bit (if the white of the soap bubbles wasn't deceiving her) did not seem to be budging at all. With a sigh, she set it aside, returned to the kitchen and washed the caustic concentrated cleaner off her hands.

The cool water made Elizabeth remember her thirst. She filled a glass with tap water, downed it in one go, refilled it and commenced to sip at it.

Next her hunger made itself known. She opened the fridge and was confronted with evidence of her own stupidity in the neatly lined up takeout containers. The front top one was her favorite. Elizabeth fixed herself a plate and as it was warming in the microwave, retrieved her breast pump and got it ready. She pumped her left breast (the slightly fuller one of the two) as she ate one handed. The release of milk from the left made Elizabeth that much more aware of how she was also full to bursting on the right. Her right breast began dripping into her nursing pad as she pumped the left and several times she had to drop her fork and press at her right breast to stop it from spurting.

By the time Elizabeth's plate was bare, her left breast was soft again and the attached bottle was full. She capped the bottle and put it in the fridge to cool, attached a new bottle and moved to the living room couch. Elizabeth felt better when the pump began efficiently emptying her right breast. As the pump did its work, Elizabeth checked her phone.

Elizabeth saw a few unread messages. Mary, her father and a couple of friends had wished her a happy Mother's Day. She therefore expected the same from Charlotte but her message was different.

I know today may be a hard one. Call me if you need to talk.

Offered such a lifeline, and feeling like finally someone understood, Elizabeth hit the icon to call her friend.

Charlotte was lying on her bed, the princess bed she had always wanted, with long spindles and pretty bedding (including too many pillows and a plush cream colored comforter dotted with yellow roses with soft green leaves and stems), petting Smoky, her shy black cat and trying not to feel sorry for herself, when her phone rang and startled Smoky off the bed. He hid under it. Charlotte sighed at his departure (he was still so skittish even though she's gotten him from the shelter almost six months back) and answered on the second ring.

After their initial greetings Charlotte asked, "So your first Mother's Day as a mom isn't all kittens and rainbows?"

Elizabeth gave a forced chuckle as the pump hummed its agreement. "Nope. I'm pretty sure it's made me a royal bitch to Will, and what's worse, all he was trying to do was give me a special day." She commenced to tell Charlotte every detail, starting with the events of the night before. Elizabeth was frank and did not shy away from revealing all that had occurred, even things that did not place her in a good light. Charlotte let her speak without interrupting, just giving an occasional "oh no," "that's awful," "how were you feeling then?" "what happened after that?" and "oh dear."

Finally Elizabeth concluded with "He tried to hide it from me, but I'm pretty sure I made him cry. What do I do now? I mean, sure I've got to apologize, but how do I know I won't be so nasty again? It's got to be partially post-pardum hormones, right? And those won't poof go away. I really think I hurt Will, even though none of this was really about him."

"Well . . ." Charlotte wanted to be honest with her best friend. "The people we love are often the easiest targets when we are out of sorts, and I suppose hormones may play a part, but assuming they haven't made you completely lose touch with reality and right and wrong, you are still ultimately responsible for your actions."

"I guess you're right," Elizabeth acknowledged. "I feel more rational now, but why couldn't I be that way earlier?" She watched the milk squirt into the bottle as the pump stretched her nipple. The release felt good, not as good as nursing her son would, but it was a feeling of relief.

"Part of it is about getting some self care in. You told me yourself that you just ate and are now pumping."

"Yeah."

"Well, taking care of yourself helps to aid your emotional reserves. Since Dad started going to A.A. meetings for his drinking problem and reading self-help books, he's been sharing a lot of what he's learned with us. Some of it I think is crap, like how a higher power can be a door knob, but this HALT thing he told us about makes a lot of sense."

"Halt, like stop?"

"Yes, sort of, but it's an acronym. You're supposed to halt, think about if your behavior is linked to the following triggers and take care of yourself as needed. 'H' hungry, 'A' angry, 'L' lonely, and 'T' tired. It's sounds like you've been dealing with all four at once, so no wonder you kind of lost it. Not that it makes it okay. For you I'd add another couple of triggers linked to nursing, thirsty (which I suppose you could group with hungry) and needing to nurse or pump."

Elizabeth quietly repeated to herself, "HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Thirsty, need to nurse." In a normal tone she asked Charlotte "So I get the others, but how could I be lonely when I was with Liam and Will most of the day?"

"Well, I think you were lonely because you didn't share what you were feeling, and also you went to the cemetery alone and felt lonely there even though you insisted on being alone."

"Okay. So I was definitely angry at Will, so how do I cope with that?"

"I think you were angry before that, and the underlying anger just got transferred to him."

"What do you mean?" Deep down, Elizabeth knew, but didn't really want to acknowledge it.

Charlotte knew it was a sore subject, but didn't hesitate. If she didn't tell Elizabeth, who would? "I think you were angry at your mother for many years. She let you down over and over again, criticizing you and trying to make you into someone you were not and judging you for failing to live up to being like Jane. Then, you had finally started to have a better relationship, to trust in that, and then she betrayed you again by dying. You have more than enough cause to be angry, but you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead. Have you ever really told her how you feel?"

"No. And what's the point now? She's gone." No more milk was squirting out, and her breast felt soft, so Elizabeth turned off the pump and put her breast away.

"Not completely. She haunts you like a ghost, causing you self-doubt about whether you deserve the love of Will and the life you have. Maybe somewhere deep down you expect it all to fall apart because you don't deserve it and you self-sabotage."

"Maybe." Elizabeth didn't really want to think about that. Her mind had shifted to thinking about William, who was probably feeling pretty lonely and sad because of what she had done. "Thanks for listening and everything, but I've got to go now and make things right with Will."

"Go make up, hell go make a little sister for Liam, too, but make sure to be honest with him about everything. That's the only way to get past this. He's a good guy and wants to be a help to you, but he's not a mind reader. No guy is."

They gave their goodbyes and then Charlotte flopped on her bed. She set her phone on her nightstand and rubbed at her forehead in a vague attempt to soothe the tension headache forming there, before giving up and just closing her eyes as she talked to herself. Charlotte lived alone in her one bedroom apartment so there was no danger of anyone overhearing her.

"Eliza, Eliza, Eliza, you don't know how good you've got it. What I wouldn't give for a man like Will Darcy!" She ticked on her fingers. "Smart, handsome, sexy, rich, loyal, loves her fiercely, good father, important business man, would do anything for her, and from little things she's let slip is a dynamo in the sack. Argh."

Charlotte lightly smacked her own forehead. "No one like that will ever be interested in me, and most likely I'll end up alone for good."

Her tabby cat jumped on her bed and walked over to her. "Mer?"

"I'm not talking to you, Sabrina, and it isn't dinner time yet." Sabrina curled her tail and with a look of distain walked over to the far side of Charlotte's bed, sat down and commenced to clean herself.

Charlotte picked up where she left off. "I may be plain, and don't expect any looker to go for me, but I've got some basic standards. The last guy that asked me out was Eliza's cousin, but that was a hard 'no.' He couldn't shut up for even half a second and is clearly in love with his boss. Ugh. If it is a choice between marriage to someone like Mr. Collins and kids, or a single life with my cats, I'll stick with the cats!"

A/N: Up next, the Darcys have a much needed talk.