Chapter 28
Firelight

"Uesugi-kun... that's an abomination."

I looked up in annoyance from the hamburger I had been about to bite. "Don't call my dinner an abomination, Itsuki."

With the clatter of plates and the chatter of students surrounding us, Itsuki looked distastefully at the creation in my hands. Dinner had been a hamburger bar, with the option to add as many toppings as we liked. Given I'd scarcely had any opportunities in my life to eat hamburgers, let alone experiment with them, I'd decided to have a bit of everything.

This was, however, apparently a faux pas.

"Does it... even taste good?" Yotsuba asked, a less judgemental but equally incredulous look on her face.

"I'd offer you a bite, but... I, uh, don't really know what the best way to share a hamburger is."

Yotsuba laughed, but then suddenly frowned.

"Uesugi-san... what's the reddish-white stuff on there? It's leaking on your fingers."

"Not sure," I shrugged, licking the length of my fingers. "Tastes great though."

For some reason, Yotsuba's face reddened slightly.

"It's probably some sort of spicy mayo," Itsuki sighed. "Honestly, Uesugi-kun, what didn't you put on there?"

"Tomatoes."

"Wait, what? Why wouldn't- Uesugi-kun, that's a classic hamburger staple!"

I shrugged. "Wasn't feeling it."

Itsuki sighed again and lowered her head into her hands.

"You know," Miku said, leaning over from her seat next to Yotsuba, "you have a lot of stuff on yours too, Itsuki..."

"Hey!" she protested, lifting her head and clutching her burger protectively. "Don't compare the two of us! I actually thought about what I was putting on here! It's a carefully considered fusion of palettes and flavours, brought together to create the ultimate burger experience. I worked really hard on this!"

"Huh..." Miku said doubtfully.

"That sounds like a lot of work," I commented, taking another bite out of mine. "Good job."

"Why do I feel like you're mocking me?" Itsuki complained.

"Because I am," I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin. On the other side of Itsuki, Ichika suddenly started coughing, and turned away. Itsuki glared at me.

"You little-"

"Nakano? Nakano?! Ah, there you are- wait, which one are you?"

We all looked up at the teacher who had stopped after approaching our table, confusion on her face.

"Which Nakano are you after, Sensei?" Itsuki asked, turning her glare away from me with some difficulty.

"Um... Nakano Yotsuba," she said uncertainly.

Yotsuba shot to her feet, and saluted.

"Nakano Yotsuba, reporting for duty!" she announced, a few crumbs still scattered around her lips. I wrenched my eyes away before I could succumb to any distraction.

"We're starting to prep the bonfire. Everyone on bonfire duty is being asked to meet at the plaza in fifteen minutes."

"Roger!" Yotsuba said. Sitting back down, she quickly finished her hamburger while the teacher walked away.

"Do you want me to come?" I ventured. "You helped with my job, after all."

"I mean, you already helped last night, Uesugi-san, so..."

I shook my head. "I don't mind."

A grin split Yotsuba's face. "Well, in that case, thank you very much!"

Turning back to my plate, I momentarily mourned that I could no longer slowly savour my creative creation - but I had higher priorities. Eating the rest at a heightened pace, I grabbed one of my several previously procured napkins, and self-consciously wiped my mouth clean before rising from the bench table. I stowed the remaining few in my pocket - with the number of times I'd gotten dirty over the past number of days, having a few clean napkins on hand would likely be useful.

At least it's not climbing trees.

Swinging my leg over the sawn wooden log, I grabbed my paper plate and tossed it in the large garbage bin that was a few metres away, as well as the used napkin. Bidding a temporary farewell to the remaining Nakanos who were present, we left.

As Yotsuba and I walked away from the table, I glanced over at her.

She still had crumbs at the corners of her lips. Deep in my chest, a single thick paw lazily reached through the bars... and a small, hairline fracture appeared in the cage.

As we rounded the corner of the lodge, I frowned. "Yotsuba?"

"Yeah?" she asked, turning to look at me.

"Can you stand still for a moment?"

"Uh... sure?"

I fished a napkin out of my pocket, and quickly wiped the crumbs off her face. I felt the flow of her skin under the paper, the curve of her lips. After having removed them, I quickly pulled my hand back, and turned to keep walking. From the corner of my eyes, though, I could see that Yotsuba's eyes had widened, and a dusting of pink had crossed her cheeks. I could feel the blood rushing through my own face, heating it up - I was sure my cheeks were identical to hers.

Why the hell did I do that?! I could have just handed her the napkin!

"Um! Um... thanks," Yotsuba murmured, her ears slowly growing redder as she trotted after me.

Embarrassed by my own, seemingly irrational actions, I just nodded awkwardly and kept walking. Ahead of us was the huge bonfire we'd helped erect the previous day. Lit only by small work lanterns the teachers had sporadically placed, I saw that an area had been demarcated to the left - though for what purpose, I wasn't sure. I turned to ask Yotsuba - but she was already gone. Noting a nearby garbage bin, I tossed the used napkin, and then went to look for her.

I eventually tracked her down - she was talking with a teacher, who was holding a clipboard and looking a bit frayed. As I approached, Yotsuba turned and smiled, though there was still a hint of pink around her ears.

"Uesugi-san, apparently they want help with setting up the fireworks. The teachers will be the ones to actually operate them... but for safety reasons they have to be set up in a specific way."

I nodded. "Sounds good. Lead the way."

As Yotsuba turned to walk away, I noticed a spring in her step. I nodded to myself - it made sense. After all, I'd never set up large fireworks like these before, and Yotsuba probably hadn't either. That was certainly something to be excited about.

From deep in my chest came a whisper, a hallucination, that it was about me wiping her face with the napkin. Uneasily, I dismissed it.

That can't be it. That makes no sense.

I began walking after Yotsuba, and eventually found myself working with a small team, all of us setting up what seemed to almost be miniature cannons in a sandy part of the plaza off from the main section. The work was straightforward, but somewhat tedious. Eventually, as we were wrapping up, our classmates began to slowly filter in from the picnic tables.

"Alright," the teacher called. "Bonfire team, you're dismissed. Good job - enjoy the party!"

There were cheers from the group around me, and then the bonfire team dispersed amongst their peers. I found myself separated from Yotsuba once again, much to my chagrin. Looking around, there was nobody nearby that I recognized. Frowning, I began attempting to navigate my way through the rapidly growing crowd of people.

Then, the bodies momentarily parted, and I saw Itsuki sitting on a log on the periphery of the plaza, about twenty metres away, reading her book. With a faint feeling of relief, I began to push towards her, and finally emerged from the throng about ten metres away. More students were arriving by the minute, a flood filling the plaza like a breached dam. Continuing my approach, I was only about five metres away when something caught my eye.

From amongst the crowd of people to my left, a certain blond was watching Itsuki with a miserable look on his face.

I looked at Itsuki.

I looked at Second Place-san.

Then, I sighed, and turned to walk over to him.

He noticed me as I arrived next to him, and a cool look crossed his face.

"Uesugi Fuutarou," he said to me curtly, before returning to watching Itsuki.

"You know," I said conversationally, "her reaction is exactly why I asked you to not be relentless."

"I need to do things my own way," Second Place-san sniffed. "Indeed, 'tis a basic matter of honour."

I rolled my eyes, but Second Place-san didn't notice, his attention entirely trained on one spot.

"I did try," I added, sighing. "I tried to convince her to just hear you out - but she was adamant that she wanted you to wait until we were off the slopes. We actually had a fight over it."

That was enough to get Second Place-san to wrench his eyes away from the star-spangled girl across the way. "You... what?"

"Which part are you saying 'what' to?"

"You pled with her on my behalf?!" Second Place-san asked, his face seeming to warm by several degrees.

"I... don't like the implications that I would plead with Itsuki for anything," I said, shifting uncomfortably. "That said... yes?"

Second Place-san sighed. "Then I am in your debt, Uesugi Fuutarou. Please, tell me - I may be Maeda-kun's Love-sensei, but when it comes to these sorts of platonic relations of my own... well, I must admit, I'm quite helpless. I haven't the foggiest of how to approach her."

I paused, and then sighed. Even though this was the second time, the blond boy's admission of weakness was still something that threw me off-kilter.

"Right," I muttered. "Look, the bonfire hasn't even started yet. She's just reading her book. If you're going to go apologize, now is the time."

"She... she won't ward me off again?" Second Place-san asked, a note of fear creeping into his voice.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "This is still your best opportunity, though."

Second Place-san nodded several times, though whether it was to me or to himself, I wasn't sure. He squared his shoulders, and began to march towards her.

"Ah, one more thing," I said, raising my hand. He turned back around, a confused look on his face.

"Yes?"

"I'm not saying this to insult you... but it's important."

A wary look crossed Second Place-san's face.

"When you talk to her... your chuunibyou energy is usually around an eleven. If you want her to believe you're sincere, you need to bring that number down. Just speak plainly."

A conflicted look crossed his face... and then he nodded.

"Roger. I shall- um... I'll be back."

Nodding approvingly, I watch the blond boy go. Looking around, I realized with a sigh that I still couldn't find anyone else I knew, least of all Yotsuba. Weighing my options - the crowd or the awkward scene that was about to unfold - I decided to move closer to Itsuki and see how it went.

Somehow, this feels like eavesdropping, despite the fact we're in public...

A brief jolt of guilt shot through my chest, but I suppressed it. Itsuki almost certainly wouldn't care that I was listening... and this way, I could step in if things went haywire.

That was the rationale I gave myself, anyways.

I was well within earshot when Second Place-san finally reached Itsuki.

"Um..."

Itsuki didn't look up from her book.

"Nakano-san?"

Itsuki still didn't look up from her book, but her eyebrow twitched. My mouth thinned, concern beginning to mount in my gut. This doesn't look good.

Second Place-san winced. "Can we talk, please? I'm sorry for being so relentless on the slope - that was indeed foolish of m- uh, I mean, that was uncalled for. I would be deeply grateful if you would hear me out."

There was a moment of silence... and then Itsuki sighed, and closed the book, her finger sliding into the gap to maintain her spot.

"Fine," she said quietly, "I'll listen."

"Thank you," Second Place-san said, bowing his head. "I appreciate it."

There was another moment of silence, broken only by the chattering of the crowd.

"Well?" Itsuki prompted.

"Sorry, I'm... I'm trying to figure out how to word things," the blond boy said softly - I had to strain my ears to hear him. "I was inform- um, I got some advice to... simplify things. To... not talk how I normally talk. To talk plainly."

I sighed. Clearly, not being a walking beacon of chuunibyou energy was a challenge for him.

Itsuki just nodded, though I noticed that the corner of her mouth twitched upward, possibly against her will.

"Um... ok," Second Place-san said, taking a deep breath. "I'm... I'm very sorry for the thing I said last night. It was deeply insensitive and rude of me - I don't know what I was thinking. I was trying to find things to talk to you about, and I just completely stuck my foot in it."

"Why were you trying to find things to talk to me about?" Itsuki asked, a frown crossing her face.

"Because..."

Second Place-san took a deep breath, then sighed.

"Because I want to get to know you better."

Itsuki's eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. Second Place-san suddenly realized his mistake, and began waving his hands. "Ah- Ah, not like that! Apologi- um, I mean, I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, I want to be on better terms with you within the confines of this tutoring relationship. I've... had it very thoroughly explained to me that I've been negligent. In my treatment of you, and also of your sisters."

Itsuki closed her mouth, and nodded silently.

"So... I suppose, ultimately, I wish to turn a new leaf in this tutor-student relationship. I am aware that my tutelage was... not as effective as I may have hoped. That said... I hope that you have it in your heart to forgive me," Second Place-san said, bowing his head deeply to Itsuki. "I am truly sorry for my rude behaviour."

I was flabbergasted. I hadn't expected Second Place-san to bow his head to her - and from her reaction, neither had Itsuki. She simply stuttered for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"I... fine. I'll accept your apology."

Second Place-san looked up, a beaming grin breaking out on his face.

"However."

The grin froze.

"You'd best be on your best behaviour," Itsuki warned. "I don't want to work with a jerk of a tutor who's going to insult me or call me stupid."

I half-expected Second Place-san to flare up at her words, as he had in the past when he'd felt I'd slandered him. Instead, to my surprise, he lowered his head again in contrition.

"Absolutely," he said softly. "I swear it o- uh, I mean... I promise."

"Well then," Itsuki said, rising to her feet - and to my surprise, there was a small smile on her face as she extended her hand. "I... guess we have a deal."

Second Place-san raised his head again, and beamed at her. Grabbing her hand, he shook it firmly. "Yes! Absolutely!"

"Now," Itsuki said, glancing around at the swelling crowd, "if you'll excuse me... I'm going to go put my book away before the event starts."

"O-Oh. Sure, sounds good," the blond boy said, suddenly unsure of what to do. Itsuki nodded her head to him, and then strode off. Second Place-san looked around aimlessly, before spotting me and trotting back over.

"I... think that went rather well!" he said cheerfully.

"Shockingly so," I said drily. "You strike a rather tragic figure, all bowed and contrite like that."

He just rolled his eyes. "I'm a new man, Uesugi Fuutarou. I shan't get riled up by such simple taunts."

"I see the chuunibyou is back," I simply observed.

"I- no, it ain't!"

"Too far the other way," I laughed. Then, I reached over and patted Second Place-san on the shoulder. "I have to be honest: well done. My expectations were exceeded."

The beam returned to Second Place-san's face. "Ha-ha! Indeed, I did do rather well, didn't I!"

I scowled. "Right, you've ruined it now. I'm leaving."

I turned on my heels, and began to walk away.

"Ah, wait!"

I glanced back at Second Place-san, and he seemed suddenly uncertain.

"Yes?"

"I... Thank you. For your help, I mean."

Well. Wonders will never cease.

"You're welcome," I nodded. "Bye."

Then, I pushed into the crowd, leaving the blond boy behind.

Navigating through the morass of bodies, I kept my eyes open for anyone I knew - but in particular, I was looking for Yotsuba. I wasn't entirely sure why, but with the growing crowd, there was a part of me that desperately wanted to find her. Some unsettled, uncertain part of me.

"Alright, everyone," a voice boomed out over a megaphone - I thought it was probably the gym teacher. "The boys of class 2-C are going to perform a dance for us - everyone sit and watch!"

Around me, people began to slowly lower to the stone below us... and then, I found myself surrounded by sitting people, and I could finally see. However, my new-found range granted me no boon - I couldn't see Yotsuba anywhere. Frustrated, I succumbed to peer pressure and lowered myself to the ground, surrounded on all sides by people I didn't know. In a small part of my chest, I could feel a twisting, turning sensation, something cloying and yet acidic.

I didn't like it.

A few of the teachers cleared a path through the students, and then suddenly the work lanterns that had been positioned throughout the plaza were extinguished, throwing the stone expanse into near-total darkness - the only light cast was from the shining windows of the lodge. Then, from in front of the door, there was a flicker, and then a roar as what appeared to be a torch flared to life. Holding it aloft was a boy I thought I vaguely recognized as being from my room in the ryokan - the one who'd clamoured for mixed baths, maybe.

What was his name again?

I didn't remember.

He was shirtless save for some furs draped over his body. As he approached through the line cleared for him, approaching the wooden logs we'd assembled the previous day, he started chanting - but the chant was just caveman noises.

Ooga-Booga Ooga-Booga!

There were titters of laughter from amongst the crowd, and the boy grinned, pleased with himself. As he approached the wooden construction, he took the lit torch, and slid it between the logs, letting it touch tinder pouches that had been placed at various points along the pile. As he lit them one by one, he kept chanting his nonsense - there were, by this point, a few people who were fully laughing aloud. Eventually, the bonfire flared to life, a small flame growing into a conflagration - one small spark by an idiot raging entirely out of control.

Something about that idea deeply irritated me.

Cackling, the boy walked amongst the seated students until he reached the demarcated area I'd noted earlier. As he stepped over the boundary, lanterns positioned around the rectangle suddenly lit up, and I realized with a start that it was meant to be a stage. Five boys were standing there in various furs, a few holding spears. As the first boy rejoined them, I recognized two others from the ryokan as well.

"This is stupid," I muttered to myself.

Nevertheless, I found it a bit difficult to look away as the boys, hooting and hollering, began to dance, music swelling from an unseen source. It was clear they'd put some thought into it - the whole thing, even if very silly, was extremely well choreographed. Despite myself, I couldn't help being drawn in by their dance. The interplay of fur and fire and spear... it was almost mesmerizing.

Before I knew it, the display had ended to uproarious applause.

The people around me began to rise, and I too scrambled to my feet- and I was once again enveloped in the crowd. Only... only now, there was loud music beginning to play, bright light all around, and heat from the giant conflagration.

I was ensnared.

Heat. Sound. Light. Bodies.

So many people.

It was like a phase change, a sudden collapse of order as far-flung pieces danced in unison, flaring and exploding.

The performing boys were bowing and laughing amongst themselves; yet, there seemed to be almost a tension to the atmosphere of the party. The music rose, louder and louder, and I could feel a headache coming on.

The acidic feeling in my chest began to grow, swell.

Expand.

The crowd was surrounding me. Shoulders. Elbows. Knees.

They were too close.

Bodies, and sweat, and heat.

Everywhere I looked, there was no one I knew.

Bodies, and sweat, and heat, and smoke, and noise, and pressure.

Too close.

I was surrounded, compressed, and yet I was alone.

One boy slammed into me, nearly toppling me over. A hasty apology, and then he was gone, leaving me staggered. Looking around wildly as I regained my footing, I wasn't even sure of which way the lodge was anymore - while I wasn't short, there were enough people taller than me that I couldn't see. I was feeling trapped. Trapped. Like an animal, trapped.

I was the one caged.

The acidic seed in my chest exploded into full-on panic, gripping my mind in its poisoned embrace.

This is no place for an introvert. This is no place for me.

Bile rising in my throat, I was buffeted again as two boys, laughing, pretended to wrestle one another, and a girl jumped out of their way with an annoyed shout.

I nearly fell to my knees, my breath coming in rapid, ragged intervals.

Maintaining my balance, my head swivelled back and forth as I once again desperately searched for someone, anyone that I knew. It felt like there was a single cord hanging down from heaven into hell, lowered to me from on high. My only hope, my only hope, was to find someone I knew - or the cord would snap like the fragile piece of string that it was.

Perhaps it already had.

Yotsuba...

I couldn't find anyone, even as I shouldered my way through the crowd. The sensory overload was getting worse. My entire world was closing in.

It was too much.

Nausea gripped my stomach, vertigo its perennial partner.

I felt like I was on the verge of shutting down. Breath, rasping, scarce entered my lungs before being expelled.

Everything was heat and pressure. The music was like nails on a chalkboard. The light was cloying and blinding, puncturing my skull like an icepick to the brain.

Gasping, I shoved my way through the crowd, desperate for freedom - no matter how I achieved it. I was just picking a direction at random, turning my back to the hellfire which raged so close, and yet so far. Anywhere was better than here. I didn't care.

I need to get out now.

I pressed. My skin was crawling.

I can't take this anymore.

I pressed. Sweat dripped down my face.

Please. I'm begging you.

Out. Let me out. LET ME OUT!

I pressed. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. I was drowning. I was dying. I was enveloped in hellfire, fated to burn and burn and burn and burn and-

Out out out out OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!

Freedom.

Freedom.

The cool night air flowed over my face as I finally broke out of the crowd, finding myself on the edge of the firelight, on the edge of the plaza... on the edge of the cool autumn darkness which could hide me from the nausea and panic. Which could hide the wretched sight of me. Looking back one more time into the crowd, the throng of bodies hid all things from my view.

Gratefully, I melted into the night.

It was a few minutes later that I found myself on the crest of the nearby hill. The edge of the plaza had log steps rising up the slope, and it was on the top step that I had settled, watching the flickering bonfire from above, and the crowds of people surrounding it; swaying, swirling, dancing.

My breathing was calmed, my nausea finally receded. Taking deep breaths, I let the cool night air do the work of decompression for me.

One. Two. One. Two.

A shiver passed through my body. Whether it was from the cold or the receding adrenaline, I couldn't tell.

Groaning, I lowered my head into my hands.

"Pathetic," I hissed to myself. "Absolutely pathetic."

I raised my head and gazed out over the party. The fire, the crowd, the music, it all seemed somehow... less from up here. As though there were a filter over it, casting everything into sepia.

"Worthless. You couldn't find any of your friends, and so you freaked out and ran? Pathetic, Uesugi Fuutarou," I mumbled. Then, I slowly leaned back, lying on the grass, letting the cool breeze run across my face.

Has anything even changed?

Staring up into the night sky, more full of stars than I'd ever seen in Nagoya, I swallowed.

Have I even changed?

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, and then swallowed deeply. The adrenaline was withdrawing, leaving just a deep sense of emptiness in its wake. Once again, the hopelessness that had seized me months before reared its head, threatening to take hold of me in its vaporous jaws. The dark pit, the hole in my chest - gaseous, it laughed at my futile attempts to contain it in some pedestrian cage.

After all, emptiness can never be contained by willpower alone.

My breaths quickening, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, the inside of my eyelids replacing the star-struck night.

Pathetic. Useless. Even when you think you have friends... you're still going to be alone.

"Shut up," I whispered. "It's not true."

Forcing myself to sit up, I wrenched open my eyes again and stared out over the party.

It's not even that densely packed.

Watching the people down below throng, dance, sway... my perch atop the hill felt all the more lonely.

Five years of being alone threatened to wash over me. Five years of repression, and five years of single-minded devotion. Such things had hardly left me untouched. The gnawing, aching pain in my chest was a testament to that.

The cage in my chest was a testament to that.

"I... don't want to be here," I breathed.

It overtook me then, wrapping me in its silken embrace, and I could feel my heart catch in my throat. Deep breaths gave way to short breaths gave way to hyperventilation, and I bit my lip hard, trying to keep everything together in one piece. Trying to keep myself together in one piece.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Path-

Something cold pressed against my neck, and I flinched.

Then, I realized it was plastic.

Hesitatingly, with starts and stops, unsure of myself, I looked up.

"Hey," Yotsuba said, smiling gently. "I finally found you."

In disbelief, I slowly reached up and took the bottle she was offering me. Looking down at it in the flickering firelight, I saw that it was a sports drink.

"Yotsuba," I said softly, not wanting to say much for fear that the hoarseness in my voice would betray me. "Where... did you get this?"

"Shi shi shi," she snickered, settling down on the step beside me. "It's a sworn secret!"

"Sworn...?"

"I'll tell you though, Uesugi-san," she said. "You'll be my partner in crime,"

"What else is new?" I said, surreptitiously wiping my eyes.

To my relief, there was nothing there to wipe - unlike last time, I had managed to keep the powerful floodwaters contained, the wrought iron dam of my will creaking and bending, but holding strong.

"True, true!" Yotsuba laughed. "One of the teachers gave it to me, and said not to tell anyone. She said it was for all my hard work with the bonfire and the test of courage. I guess I told you, though, so... whoops!"

I frowned, looking at the bottle. "...Am I taking your drink?"

"Nope! There were two. Your efforts were appreciated too!"

Something about the way she said that made my heart catch in my throat again - and I bit my lip once more to keep it contained.

I hoped that, in the dim light of the fire, Yotsuba would miss it.

"Are you alright, Uesugi-san?"

She did not.

I took a deep breath. Then let it out again slowly. I looked up at the night sky above, and then closed my eyes.

"I am now," I whispered.

"Sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you."

"Nothing," I said louder, shaking my head. "I'm totally fine."

"Hmm... if you say so," Yotsuba said doubtfully. "If you do need anything though, let me know. I've always got your back!"

A soft smile slipped across my face. "I know."

"I gotta say though," Yotsuba groaned, leaning back on the grass. "It's hard to believe that the school trip is already almost over. It went by so fast!"

"It wasn't that fast," I chuckled softly, opening my eyes and looking over at her. "A lot happened, after all."

"True, but that's why it went by so fast, Uesugi-san!" Yotsuba pouted. "We were having fun!"

"Yeah, that's true," I murmured. "I did have fun. More than I thought I would. A lot more."

I turned back to look out over the fire, the music rising from below providing an almost ethereal background soundtrack. The crowd didn't seem nearly as intense now, with couples breaking to dance and others moving to the periphery. Yet, here in the dimly illuminated edges, I suddenly no longer felt any desire to leave; neither to flee, nor to descend the hill.

"Right?" Yotsuba grinned. "Looks like my plan to have a great trip was a success!"

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, smiling despite myself. "Does that mean I get to be un-abducted now?"

"What?! Uesugi-san, I released you almost right awa-"

I couldn't help it. The raw indignation on her face, the way she scrunched up her nose as she pouted, the animated quivering of her ribbon over her head - I couldn't contain it anymore. I burst out laughing, peals upon peals breaking forth from my body. It was uncontrollable; it was like I had been possessed by a poltergeist of mirth.

"Eh? Uesugi-san, what's so funny?!"

"S-Sorry," I wheezed, finally wiping a tear out of my eyes for a completely new reason. "I just... your reaction. It got me."

Yotsuba took a moment- and then she started laughing too, though less uproariously than I had.

"Well," she chuckled, "I'm glad I can make you laugh. That makes me happy."

Then, she tilted her head. "I don't know if I've seen you laugh that hard before."

"I don't think I have laughed that hard before," I said, shaking my head, spasms of laughter occasionally still rushing through my body. "Not in a long time, anyways."

Yotsuba just smiled at that. We both turned to watch the flames, flickering and blazing above the people dancing around. It was beautiful, a beacon against the night. The flame was complex, different parts burning at different temperatures. Oranges, red, whites, they all joined in a symphony of fire and smoke and heat.

This sight... despite everything, it truly is beautiful.

With a start, I realized - the only reason we had a view like this was because I'd retreated up the hill. It was only because I'd found a spot in the darkness that the light shone so beautifully.

A sudden weight fell on my left shoulder. Looking over, I saw, to my shock, Yotsuba resting her head on my shoulder, her eyes open this time, the dancing glow of the flame reflecting in her ocean-blue eyes. The pressure was a pleasant one.

"...Still tired from skiing?" I murmured.

"...Something like that," she whispered back. "Is it not ok?"

I took a slow breath.

"It's ok."

I couldn't quite make out her face from my angle, but I thought I saw her lips curl into a small smile.

Then, we sat.

I could feel her head on my shoulder, separated only by the thin fabric of my shirt. It was almost the same position we'd assumed when she'd napped on my arm on the bus - yet this felt completely different.

She was awake.

It was on purpose.

Against my will, I could feel my heart rate increasing, blood pumping through my body as adrenaline was dumped back into my scarcely-recovered system.

Slowly, silently, I took a deep breath to try and calm down.

Deep in the caverns of my chest, the gaseous spectre of emptiness was finally fully driven back into the cage which had previously proven so fruitless in containing it, Yotsuba's warmth forcing its frigid grasp to release on my heart. Yet the bars, coated in hoarfrost and frozen to their core, were too subject to the sudden temperature spike.

Heat shock.

Within the abyssal darkness, the yellow eyes of a different beast gleaned. Waiting. Expecting.

I stared ahead, my eyes trained on the fire. I could feel Yotsuba's breathing, her steady draw of breath, the rising and falling of her chest - it was being transmitted directly to me through our contact. My nerves were on fire. It was all I could do to keep my focus trained ahead - I was worried if I turned to look at her, my iron will would fail.

The music slowed, and then came to a halt. Blinking, I stared down at the campfire. The crowd seemed to have further thinned, many moving to the periphery. Then, the music began again; a transition, from a fast song to a slower tempo, a melancholy song of love perhaps - I couldn't make out the words from this far away.

Love... was it?

I glanced sideways, without moving my head. Yotsuba's head was barely visible in my peripheral vision - the red strands waving slightly from the air currents caused by the bonfire down below.

Love...

I bit my lip again.

I don't have any need for love. I'm not the sort of idiot who falls in love. A student shouldn't focus on such things. It's only for imbeciles who peak in high school.

I turned my head slightly, almost against my will, to bring more of her head into view.

I don't have any need for it.

I found, to my surprise, that my breath was quickening of its own accord.

At least... that's what I've been telling myself. For five years, that's what I've been telling myself.

My grip on my lip tightened.

What if it were someone I cared about? If Yotsuba ever told me she was in love... could I really bring myself to dismiss her feelings like that? As being the ravings of an imbecile? She's an idiot... but not the sort of idiot I can just ignore.

A deep breath. Another.

I don't think I could.

A frown slipped across my face, an intruder in the night.

But... if I couldn't... then...

With a start, I realized that my head was fully turned, looking down at Yotsuba. My lips were a thumb's width from her head, nothing more. My eyes locked on her, it suddenly dawned on me that, despite all my internal deliberations and my attempts to calm myself... I was, ever so slightly, shaking.

Or... was Yotsuba the one shaking?

I couldn't tell.

If I couldn't dismiss her feelings, hypothetically... if I can't categorically dismiss love as being a distraction unworthy of consideration...

My heart caught in my throat. I wasn't sure if it was fear.

What... what does that imply?

I took a deep breath.

Yotsuba shifted, and then looked up at me, her head still on my shoulder. Our faces were suddenly centimetres apart, her eyes locked with mine, her cheek pressing against me. If I just leaned forward, I would be able to-

"Uesugi-san?" she asked softly. "Is everything ok?"

I was silent for a moment, unsure of what my answer was.

If I can't dismiss love out of hand, then that opens the door to a lot of other things I can't dismiss out of hand. That leaves... questions. A lot of questions.

Yotsuba's eyes searched mine. Then, she smiled gently.

"If there is something wrong," she whispered, "you can talk to me. I'm here for you."

Her eyes glittered in the firelight. Beautiful. My heart caught in my throat again.

Deep in the cage, the shadows purred - and with the bat of a huge paw, the iron bars, weakened by all the torment to which they'd been subjected, buckled and split.

And, for just a moment, the beast was free. My will, normally as strong as an iron vice-grip, slipped.

"Yotsuba," I breathed. Her eyes sparkled before me, enrapturing. For a moment, once again, I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

"Yes?" she whispered back.

"...Will you dance with me?"

Her eyes widened.

"Uh- um... huh? I... huh?!"

I turned to look back over the fire. With a clang, the vice-grip returned - the solitary moment of freedom the beast had waited for, plotted for, was over. I could already feel embarrassment beginning to flow through my veins.

"It's ok if you don't want to. Sorry, I... don't know what I was thinking. That was... that was stupid of me."

There was a moment of silence. Then, Yotsuba lifted her head off my shoulder, and stood up. I looked up at her, a sudden feeling of dread condensing in the pit of my stomach.

"Yotsuba?"

In the flickering firelight, I could see her face, as red as her hair, crimson as the setting sun over the sea.

"...Yes," she whispered.

I blinked.

"...Sorry?"

"Yes," she repeated, glancing away from me. "I... I do want to dance."

They were just words... just compression of the air between us. Just air, carried on the gentle eddies generated by the flames.

Yet, it felt like I'd been struck by lightning.

After a stunned moment, I scrambled to my feet. Yotsuba was looking away from me, her face beet-red.

I paused, a moment's hesitation.

Then, slowly, in starts and steps, we came closer together, illuminated in the flickering glow of the firelight. My hands, awkward, unsure, came to rest on her hips; my touch light, as though fearful that with the smallest amount of pressure, of force, whatever this was... would shatter. Yotsuba's arms rose, haltingly, and eventually came to rest on my shoulders, her grip almost as light as mine.

"Um," I said, shifting my weight anxiously from one foot to another, "I... don't really know what I'm doing."

She chuckled awkwardly. "Ah... yeah. Me too."

"Let's... just do our best, then."

"Sure..."

There was a moment of silence- and then Yotsuba laughed again, softly. This time, there was mirth in it.

"I'll be in your care."

Somehow, her laughter, short-lived as it was, gave root to my footing. Where before it had felt like quicksand, shifting and uncertain, now I was on solid ground. Her arms on my shoulder pressed down slightly more heavily, and I took a half-step closer - while we weren't touching anywhere save our arms, there were mere centimetres separating us. My hands on her hips tightened, a sliver of confidence brought forth by her unconscious reassurance.

The music swelled, and we began to sway in time with the rhythm, our own tempos synchronizing as one. Yotsuba finally turned to face me, her head tilted slightly upwards as our eyes met. Gazes locked, I stared into her eyes as we moved back and forth, her face an intricate canvas of shadow and flickering light.

They were like the sea - a stormy blue, flashes of light crossing their surface from the far-away flames, like lightning striking the open ocean. Yet, her eyes were also a port - safe harbour from the dangers lying beneath the surface, and above. My heart, trying to beat its way out of my chest, began to slowly, achingly, relax.

"Uesugi-san," she murmured, scarce heard amidst the sounds from below.

"...Yeah?"

"Did you know," she whispered softly, "that you have flecks of gold in your eyes?"

"I didn't," I whispered back. "I've never looked closely enough to notice."

Her cheeks were a deep red, but even in the midst of it all, she gave me a momentary cheeky grin.

"Well then," she laughed quietly, "I guess I learned something new about you. Something which even you didn't know."

"I guess so," I laughed as well. As we continued swaying, despite the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I could feel a smile hijacking my lips, taking over.

Deep in my chest, the beast roared for freedom - to partake in what it had fought to earn. But it was held back by hastily-repaired bars, fraught and torn; but holding.

For now.

For now.

I looked down at Yotsuba's face - her lips, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks. The contours of her jaw, the blush on her face, the way it spread to her ears, partially visible amidst the waving cascade of her hair. It was all captivating me. It was all...

Did you know? Your eyes are beautiful.

The thought caught me by surprise - and was held within my lips only by the dying gasps of my will.

I suddenly realized that the gap between us had shrunk even further; scarcely a centimetre separated us. Yotsuba's arms were practically hooked around my neck, her bare arms against the jut of my collarbone on either side. My hands were still on her waist - but with how close she'd gotten, my hands were tending closer to the small of her back as a matter of physics.

Or perhaps it was how close I'd gotten.

I wasn't sure anymore.

"Uesugi-san..."

I gulped. My heart, which had temporarily slowed, had long since resumed its frantic pace. There was a tension in the air, one which I'd scarcely noticed at first - but it was palpable, coming from deep within me. Once again, a roar for freedom.

"Yes?"

Yotsuba leaned forward, and pressed her forehead into my shoulder, our height difference lending her the perfect resting spot. The sudden contact was sending shocks through my whole body - my nerves were, once again, aflame.

I wondered if she knew the effect she was having on me. If she knew that my heart was pounding. Surely, with her head on my chest, it must have been echoing through her skull, drowning out the music.

Why?

Yotsuba was still for a moment. Then, she drew a deep breath. Silence dragged out again. Then...

"This... has been a fun trip, hasn't it?"

I kept swaying with the music... but I frowned.

It has, but... why do I have this feeling? Like... that isn't what she wanted to say?

"It has," I said softly. "I'm really happy I came."

"I'm really glad," Yotsuba whispered. "I'm so glad."

Something about the way she was saying it unsettled me - but I couldn't see her face. It was like she was hiding it from me.

The song slowly came to an end, but we stayed in that position for a moment longer. Yotsuba's face was buried in my chest, her head moving with the slow expansion and contraction wrought by my breathing. She took a deep breath, and then slowly, achingly, pulled back - almost like she didn't want to move, like she didn't want it to end.

She looked up at me, and there was a look in her eyes that I didn't understand.

"Thanks for the dance, Uesugi-san," she murmured.

"Thank you," I said, awkwardly - now that the music had ended and we had pulled apart, I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.

We both awkwardly stood there for a moment, enshrouded in the admixture of darkness and flickering light, the orange glow of the flames lighting up the side of her face. Her expression... it was complicated. Deep. Like there were a dozen emotions mixing in her chest like oil, iridescent yet viscid, leaving a murky, unreadable morass to hide the truth.

The truth... is what?

I didn't know what she was thinking.

What she was feeling.

From down below, there was suddenly a sizzling sound - and then the voices of our classmates calling out, suddenly reminding me of their pernicious existence.

"TEN."

I looked over at Yotsuba in confusion. She glanced away.

"NINE."

My eyes widened. Oh, right. The fireworks.

"EIGHT."

"Do... you want to watch the fireworks?" I asked Yotsuba softly. Silently, she nodded.

"SEVEN."

She shifted, her eyes turning to the descent below us, her shoulder centimetres from mine.

"SIX."

She leaned over, her shoulder pressing against mine. It almost felt like the irrepressible energy, which normally was exuded from her body like an unstoppable wave, had finally come up dry - as though she were tired on a deeper level than a mere physical one.

Or she just... wanted to lean.

"FIVE."

I had no idea any more.

"FOUR."

A deep breath from Yotsuba, a quick intake - something was going on with her, but I didn't know what. Like there was some internal conflict raging, one to which I could only gather the barest of superficial hints.

"THREE."

I didn't understand.

"TWO."

I couldn't understand. Not unless she decided to tell me.

"ONE."

Deep in my chest... I could feel it. A burning sensation.

I wanted her to tell me. I wanted to know what she was thinking.

I wanted to know what she was thinking about me.

Or if she was even thinking about me.

But what does that desire say about me? What does it say about my own desi-

"ZERO!"

I felt sudden movement, and contact. Yotsuba's fingers, thin and long and elegant, slipped along my palm, her fingernails gently scratching along the skin. They found the gap between my own, and they slid in, interlocking, unified. They curled, and closed shut.

Her hand intertwined with mine.

The sky exploded with light and colour as the fireworks shot from their cannons we had prepared, rockets aimed at the sky in regal grandeur. Reds, blues, greens, yellows... the sky was awash with the colours of celebration, a bittersweet reminder that in the morning, we would go home.

I saw it all only out of the corner of my eye.

My vision was entirely trained, shocked, on Yotsuba.

Her face was lit up with each blast, colour by colour, her eyes glistening - distinctly not looking at me.

What... What...

It was like my brain was stalled, an infinite loop trying to process the same information over and over again. Trying to take it apart, put it back together again, and determine how it worked. Education by deconstruction. Yet, as often as I turned the puzzle over in my mind, I couldn't seem to reach a satisfying conclusion.

Or rather, any conclusion at all.

There was barely even any cogent thought, every resource taken up with simply trying to process what was happening.

What...

As the fireworks died down and the thronging masses below cheered, my eyes were simply locked onto Yotsuba. After a moment passed, she slowly released my hand, and I realized that my face was on fire. My eyes widened as my brain finally finished processing- and came up blank. Error.

"I... wha..."

Yotsuba smiled at me; but it wasn't the same smile as before. There was something behind it - like the smile wasn't the whole truth. Like there was sadness hidden under its surface, among a myriad of other emotions.

"We should probably go back down, Uesugi-san. It looks like the bonfire is over."

"I... wait, I-"

Yotsuba tilted her head at me.

"...Nevermind," I said, accepting defeat. "Sure, let's go down."

She smiled that same smile again and turned away, and with a pang I realized what it was. It wasn't sadness - it was guilt.

But why?

As she began to walk down the log stairs, I watched the back of her head - and felt my own head, in turn, spin.

For the sake of self-preservation, I decided that thinking would come later. It was all I could do to pretend to be functional.

Following her down the steps and quickly catching up, I stepped out onto the stone plaza right behind Yotsuba, whose ears were still a distinct pink colour. I was certain that, despite the sudden emotional turmoil I'd been thrown into, my face was the same.

Students were already filtering back into the lodge - and so the crowd was diffuse enough that I immediately spotted Itsuki across the way, sitting with Ichika, Miku, and (to my surprise) Nino. The other three were talking amongst themselves, but Itsuki happened to glance over. She did a double-take, and her eyes narrowed.

Then a massive smirk crossed her face, and she raised her eyebrows at me.

I scowled in return.

Itsuki laughed, and then put a single finger to her lips. Then, she turned back to the others.

What the hell does that mean?

I was at my limit.

"Sorry, Yotsuba," I said suddenly. "I'm suddenly feeling pretty tired. I'm going to go rest for a bit - if I'm feeling up for it and you're still up later, I might rejoin you all."

Yotsuba turned to look at me, a sudden look of worry in her eyes - or was it fear? I wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure if I was reading her correctly at all. Maybe I was imagining everything.

"Oh... sure," she said, in what was obviously an effort to be nonchalant. "I hope you feel better."

"It's all good," I said, waving my hand as though batting away her worries. "I'm just... exhausted. I'll see you later."

"...Ok."

I, with an assumed air of calm, walked away from her and into the lodge.

The main hall was partially filled with students, and I quickly strode past them, none of their inane chatter registering in my mind. It was all meaningless. All of it.

As soon as I was out of sight in the solitude of the hallways, I found myself unconsciously breaking into a run.

Navigating to my room at breakneck speed, I scrambled with the doorknob, opened the door and, to my vast relief, found it to be empty. Swinging it shut behind me, I pressed my back against its wooden bulk, staring out into the darkness of the unlit room, drawing heavy, deep breaths.

Then, slowly, I slid down the door to the floor.

My face flushed with heat, I dropped it into my hands. My cheeks, my ears - they burned as images of the hilltop flooded into my mind. My brain was in overdrive, trying to piece together all the small fractured pieces and form a coherent whole.

It was a doomed endeavour. I had been doomed from the start.

"What the hell was that?"

A/N: Happy Halloween! I've been looking forward to writing this chapter for a long time, and now it's finally here! I hope you enjoyed.

The next chapter is the final chapter of the Camping Trip arc, and also of the entire first half of "How We Met Again". After that, we're on to the second half. There's still a lot yet to come!

Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed this story to date, whether it be on FF.N, AO3, Reddit, or privately on Discord. It means a lot to me to know that there are people who are interested in my fanfiction, and every review I get makes me really happy. Thank you so much!