Something about that whoopee cushion is off.
Saiki inspected the rubber skin thoroughly, even turning it inside out. Nothing. It seemed to be… perfectly normal. Psychometry showed the annoying guy buying it from the local party store just before their rendezvous.
He's acting even stranger than normal.
His usual procedure would have been making a "SaikiKDooDoo Destroyer" that would made constant farting noises whenever Teruhashi was over. Well, it would be named something like that. Of course, he did not share that guy's penchant for immaturity, so it would be natural that his naming conventions were off. It would be ALMOST worth delving into the twisted barbs of that guy's mind to figure out what any of this meant.
The threat he gave to that guy troubled him even further. A transient surge of emotion caused him to lose control much like that day that always gnawed at the corners of his mind. He was annoying, but his antics were relatively harmless this time. Did he really deserve to be erased?
Saiki shook his head.
Of course not. Not only that, but he'd probably never forgive himself if he did. As exhausting as his brother was, he was right. Despite his twisted intentions, he knew Saiki well enough to enable a campy telepathic conversation between them.
Who ARE you, Kuusuke Saiki?
On a normal school night, a perfect pretty girl works. Her notes are immaculately organized, perfectly spaced, and written in different colors with calligraphic script. Ostensibly taking notes in different colors is to help their writer, but in her case it was to help anyone who needed to read her notes. Whenever someone missed class or needed to double check something, her notes were always the gold standard.
Her homework was just as organized and punctual, of course leaving just enough wrong to leave her in 6th place academically. Outstanding by any measure, but not enough to become valedictorian lest she become intimidating. She needed to let others have some glory after all.
A small buzz interrupted her rhythm. Her phone's screen brightened with a LINE notification. She wasn't expecting anyone, at least on the inbox she actually wanted to check. She gingerly picked up her phone, and what she saw on the screen made her heart skip a beat.
From: Mikoto Aiura. Message: "Hey Teryukoko, are you at your house/free? I'm in the area so I wanted to see what you were up to."
Of course, she was glad to hear from her, but she was unsure if they would ever speak again. They had exchanged glances every so often at school and watched over each other, but never truly with animosity or resentment.
Her hand paused millimeters above the screen; even her judgment felt a bit shaky at the prospect of opening this message. It was hard not to. The last thing she was going to do was to leave this message on read. She swallowed her pride and nerves.
"Yes. My brother is out tonight," she tapped carefully.
She worried that she came off a bit too cold, too unwelcoming; but pretending the tension between them didn't exist would make things much worse. She waited in silence as she continued to mull over how to best process this interaction. Would she broach the topic first and pull the bandage off? Would she make small talk to gently lead into it?
She jumped when she heard her doorbell. That was much quicker than she thought. She nearly tripped when she scurried down the stairs and opened the door to meet a smiling Mikoto Aiura. It didn't take a perfect pretty girl to know that this smile was very strained. Genuine smiles tend to involve creasing close to the temple, but in this case, the creasing was above her forehead. Her expression did not seem angry, just painfully ambivalent.
"May I come in?"
Teruhashi blinked. "Of course! Make yourself at home," Teruashi said, moving out of the way and gesturing inside. But instead of going to take a seat, Aiura walked close enough to nearly touch her, her gaze piercing straight through any of the mental defenses she had feebly tried to erect.
"Are you and Kusuo an item?" she asked. Thank the lucky stars that Aiura was so direct.
Teruhashi nodded her head, clasping her hands at the hem of her skirt. Did she come off as apologetic? Condescending? Friendly?
Aiura nodded slowly, drawing her eyes to the floor and chewing her lip. Teruhashi stood tall and waited patiently for her to lift her eyes. When Aiura finally met Teruhashi's gaze, she breathed a small sigh. "I'm glad it's finally over at least. Congrats, Teryukoko."
"Thank you," she said softly. Aiura pressed her lips into a line for a beat. Teruhashi knew that offering to help her find someone was exactly the wrong choice to make right now. That said, it would also be wrong to make her feel alienated.
"What about you then, Aiura?"
"I'm not sure yet. It's not your job to find my happiness, so I'll find my own happy ending. Dating is one of the last things on my mind right now, anyway."
But nothing could have prepared her for the aid she would be offered next.
"Look, I still want to hang out with all of you. It's nice to have someone who understands even if all they do is call you a nuisance. I don't know how long it will take me to completely get over this, but I'm not about to wait around for my life to come back. I'm going to offer you a deal. Both of you are total virgins, but the way you look at him is definitely NOT one of someone that wants to stay that way," Aiura said, fluttering her eyebrows suggestively.
Teruhashi's face burst bright red. "N-n-no, that's impossible! I could never ever think of something so unladylike," she sputtered, waving her hands around frantically. But a certain beach encounter proved she was more than capable of it.
"You and I both know you're full of it. Either that or you're super repressed. I see the 'take me' eyes on you all the time," Aiura said, holding her hands next to her face expectantly, like something you'd see out of a lewd shoujo manga that Teruhashi had definitely never read.
"Eep!" Teruhashi squeaked, covering her mouth. Busted.
"I can practically hear you screaming the 'slopes of his broad shoulders' and 'he growled in my ear'," Aiura drawled, hanging a little too long on the innuendo.
"Okay, okay, you win, I get it!" Teuhashi said, burying her burning hot face into her hands.
Aiura cackled devilishly. "It's normal for a growing girl to think about things like this, so I don't blame you. Here's my idea: I want to make Kusuo's boring life a bit more interesting. I wish I had figured out how much I liked making him squirm earlier, because it feels SO good to have an all-powerful know-it-all under your thumb. I have to direct the frustration somewhere, so here's my deal: turns out I'm not as straight as I thought and you are HAWT. So you let me flirt with you, he gets jealous, and you can take the reins from there. I get to vent and 'platonically' tease him, and you get to reap the rewards. I won't let it get too far though; I may be a lot of things, but a homewrecker is not one of them. Win-win, right?" she smiled wickedly. Teruhashi returned the sentiment with equal, if not more fervor.
"Win-win," she said.
Teruhashi took a pause; a bout of doubt intruded on her victory."What if it doesn't work?"
"Almost everyone's got a limit, but..." she sighed, "you're right. There's always a chance it might not work out. He likely hasn't ever really thought about that side of himself. He could be asexual for all we know. Of course, consent is key, but no matter how good your grades are, or how fast you run, or whatever else, we both know you're going to need help, especially if you want to overcome that pesky x-ray vision."
"About that..." she said meekly, scratching her aggressively flushed cheek. "Apparently his x-ray vision doesn't work as well on me anymore."
Aiura's jaw dropped. "Yeah there's no way he doesn't feel something. I may or may not have made a pass at you when we were talking and he almost petrified me."
Teruhashi gasped, quickly covering her mouth with her hand to ineffectually muffle a fit of laughter. Instead of coming out of her mouth, her laughter shook the rest of her body.
"This is going to be fun," Aiura said, narrowing her eyes dangerously.
"But he's going to know what we're doing immediately, right?"
"Probably, but who cares? If anything it'll piss him off more," Aiura said with a shrug.
"That's true, Teruhashi giggled. "If I could trouble you with one stipulation, he and I have decided not to make our relationship public."
"Oh, that's no trouble at all. That makes things even better. That boy is going to pop like a cherry."
"And so, we are once again here to convene the meeting of the 4 Psykickers, but subbing in for Tits, we have... Offu!" Toritsuka exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air.
Her name isn't Offu.
They had come to the ramen shop that Saiki had visited with the other band of nuisances all those months ago. It felt a bit out of character to be at a ramen shop without Nendou, but he was grateful for the opportunity to go to one without someone who drew the attention of animal behaviorists.
Teruhashi smiled sweetly, but a deluge of words interrupted her mouth opening.
"Greetings, Teruhashi-san! It has been a while since I have seen Kusuo-kun; and of course it is always a treat to see you as well. What is the occasion that led you and Kusuo-kun to walk here together? Is it perhaps a special occasion?"
Since I know you were stalking me, you should be able to confirm that we happened to be walking in the same direction.
Teruhashi's eyebrow twitched. "Akechi doesn't seem like a bad person, but he is quite aggressive. What do you think he wants?"
I know what it is, and it's stupid. She was about to ask another question, but was interrupted again by a wall of text.
"But Kusuo-kun, I know you could have easily avoided her due to your extant psychic powers and given your general disdain for social interactions, in addition to how much attention Teruhashi-san draws, it seems very out of character for you to freely walk with her."
Toritsuka cocked his eyebrow at Akechi. "She's a total babe, I don't think anyone could resist walking next to her, even Captain Abstinence over here," he said, nodding toward Saiki. His expression became increasingly salacious every time he glanced in Teruhashi's direction.
"He's even more gross in person, how in the world do you deal with this?" Teruhashi shuddered.
Ignore him. He happens to be more aggressive than your average love slave, but he's relatively harmless. If anything, he should be worried about the Kokomins currently plotting his death.
"Excuse me, ma'am, could I potentially interest you in a me-shaped chair?" Toritsuka's eyes became half-lidded, his gaze focused and lustful, and a rose had inexplicably materialized in his mouth.
"Oof!" Toritsuka cried as Saiki punched a jet of air at his chest hard enough to knock the playboy spirit he was channeling out of him, and he doubled over from the extra force behind it for pulling such a stupid stunt. The rose tumbled out of his mouth and onto the table. "Okay, I deserved that. Force of habit," he rasped out between breaths. Were Aiura around, she would have seen an extremely intense death mark on Toritsuka's face.
"Kusuo-kun, this leads me exactly into my line of questioning from earlier. You could have easily avoided Teruhashi-san or forced Toritsuka-san to stop channeling his spirit sooner, yet you delayed your reaction in a manner consistent with someone whispering to you. How close has your relationship with Teruhashi-san become?"
Why are you still talking?
The door opened behind Saiki and Teruhashi, who were seated next to each other.
This day could not get any worse. He had 2 nuisances in front of him doing their best to make him miserable, which distracted him from planning for the 3rd nuisance's arrival. Even more troubling were the mischievous looks exchanged by the 3rd nuisance and his girlfriend.
"You could have waited more than 2 minutes to start flirting, Penis Aura," Aiura tutted, eyeing the rose that had rolled in front of the still-hacking Toritsuka.
"At least you could have waited until I got here before you did," she said coyly as she slid into the booth next to Toritsuka.
God definitely hates me.
"Well how was I even supposed to know you were coming?" Toritsuka coughed out.
"Dude, you know I can find all of you whenever I want to," Aiura said. "It's rude not to invite a Psykicker to a Psykicker function."
Toritsuka scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, I mean, you've seemed a bit distant recently, so I wanted to give you some space..."
"Awh, you noticed. That's really sweet of you," Aiura smiled warmly at Toritsuka.
It's unlikely Akechi invited her, so if Toritsuka didn't invite her then it can only mean one thing…
"Hey, Teryukoko, is that a new shampoo you're using? Because that scent makes me want to take a bite out of you," Aiura purred.
...why is she flirting with Teruhashi?
"Oh, thank you for noticing! I went for a lavender scent today. It just felt right," Teruhashi said politely. Her composure must be particularly strong today to be able to play that off.
"Scientifically, lavender is known to be a very powerful aphrodisiac. I'd have to agree with that conclusion because this sample of 1 is having a really hard time keeping her hands to herself right now," Aiura said salaciously, leaning over the table to emphasize her deep décolletage.
Saiki squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his knuckles white, barely avoiding any power leakages. Why does this always happen to me?
Even Toritsuka leaned over the table, distracted momentarily from Teruhashi's unblemished beauty by the sinful temptation of a succubus. Or at least that's probably what he did because a loud crack rang out followed by a yelp from Toritsuka.
"These are for her eyes only, you letch," Aiura said as if disciplining a child. Akechi sat motionless; if there were a way a human could experience a blue screen of death, his face and internal voice were what it would look like. His eyes were glazed over, his mouth half-open, and his thoughts the low screech of a computer crash.
"Oh, my apologies! I had no idea. How unbecoming of me to be so careless, I don't think it's very proper of me to wear something so suggestive," Teruhashi said without the slightest hint of remorse.
This is Teruhashi we're talking about. She definitely knows; she's been wearing that scent fairly often recently.
Why are you doing this? Saiki hissed.
"Hey, you're off the market, so I've got no outlet. This isn't much different from what I did to you before, so why so jealous?" Aiura said coyly.
He couldn't confirm the first point and couldn't argue with the second. The last, however much he disagreed, he needed to handle carefully.
We're not in a relationship; and I'm not jealous.
"I think both of us know that's not true, big boy. Penis Aura was coughing when I came in and I know Teryukoko or Detective Columbo couldn't nor wouldn't punch him that hard."
You still didn't answer my question.
"I think you know why, you just don't want to admit it."
Saiki levied a glare at Aiura.
"Kusuo-kun, it seems that you've been having a telepathic conversation with Aiura-san. Care to share with the rest of us?"
Do us all a favor and keep yourself off of the page.
"Bowl cut is right, Kusuo. What were we talking about?" Aiura grinned at him dangerously. Toritsuka, predictably, had no idea what was going on and made it very apparent to the rest of the group with a look not far off from Nendou's characteristic dopey expression. Nendou's father had taught him well. A little giggle next to Saiki graced his ears.
When did everyone else get telepathy? This is so unfair! Toritsuka whined.
I would say to take mine, but you'd only abuse it.
Aiura snapped her fingers in front of Saiki's face. "Hey, earth to Kusuo. You done avoiding the question?"
I'm not avoiding the question if I never intended to answer it in the first place.
"Aw, you're no fun," Aiura said with mock disappointment. She leaned over the table, her body resting on her ample endowment as she rested her face on her wrist. A peep of embarrassment entered his mind.
What is it with you and the breast envy? You already know I don't care.
"Nothing to fear, I believe I have figured it out regardless. Kusuo-kun, are you jealous?" Akechi said placidly. His face did not change from his normal deadpan stare despite the fact that he was dredging up elementary school drama. Aiura fluttered her eyebrows suggestively at Saiki, who shot her a very ugly scowl. A shadow of ninja suddenly attacked the Kokomins outside, all of the ninja for some reason having the same idea that they were the true believers in the Church of Offu and all heretics should be ousted.
All present watched him intensely as he wracked his brain for an appropriate way to avoid this question. He could only think of one option that didn't require the use of his powers: his old friend, the confused face. Saiki screwed up his expression in a pathetic attempt to pretend that this was news to him. The only person that took the bait was Toritsuka.
"Wait, Saiki-senpai and Teruhashi-san are…" his face fell, his expression so dejected that it suggested all of his porno mags were confiscated.
"No, no, Saiki-kun and I are just friends," Teruhashi said far too brightly for someone supposedly in the friend zone, stealing a glance with Aiura. She swayed slightly closer to him, the pleasant static from their many instances of cleaning dishes together returning with a sensation that felt somewhere between an itch and a burn. Now that he thought about it, she did smell pretty good. But he couldn't let that distract him from the disaster at hand.
"Oh, that's a relief," Toritsuka sighed in relief.
"Dude is jealous with a capital J. He won't even acknowledge the question or their relationship," Aiura said, flashing Saiki a coy wink. Saiki's definitely not jealous rage started to climb to 100%.
The only thing all this talk of jealousy is doing is annoying me. Haven't you people heard that the best way to make someone angry is to tell them that they're angry?
"Kusuo-kun, all we want you to do is be honest about your feelings. It is obvious that your emotional repression has hurt you greatly, so we, as your trusted friends, only wish to lighten your burden. We all have nothing to hide and neither should you. You can read our thoughts after all, no? We may not be able to read yours; but that does not mean we are unaware of your mental turmoil," Akechi rambled, his thoughts once again racing too fast to decipher.
Saiki felt his eyebrow twitch and the pulse in his temples quickening.
Toritsuka slammed his hands on the table. "What the heck is going on? Since when did you all get telepathy!?" he cried.
"We don't have telepathy, we just all know Kusuo is full of it," Aiura said, side-eyeing him as she was looking at Toritsuka.
Rage pooled in his stomach. His psychic energy roiled his guts in the same manner as his swirling emotion, threatening to spill over into the unblinking eye of the public. That was until he felt a small hand next to his.
"Ehehehe~ Saiki-kun… Please don't get too angry at them. They just want to help, that's all."
His psychic energy dissipated. Help with what? I don't need help. Why are you conspiring with Aiura to goad me?
"Do you want it? If you don't, I'll stop, I promise," he heard sadly. Whether or not she was trying to pull one over on him didn't matter. Why did this affect him so much?
His brow furrowed in contemplation, his eyes searching for an answer that wouldn't come. The two socially aware nuisances pretended not to notice what was happening and Toritsuka followed their lead.
"Are you ready to place your order?" the wife of the duo that ran the restaurant asked.
Oh, right. We're at a restaurant.