Just saw An Honest Thief, just before they throw us back into lockdown and destroy my beloved cinemas again here in the UK, and I kept thinking how the female lead looked familiar, then it hit me at the end, to paraphrase Frenchie's "That's fucking Lamplighter!" from The Boys...
"That's the fucking Handler!" Probably taking a break from her habit of stalking Five.
Damn this election has been wild, huh?
"So, what do you think will happen in this last one?" Klaus asked aloud.
"Well with the date, it being the last, we'll finally see what happens with the apocalypse and whether killing Jenkins stopped it." Diego said.
"It can't be that easy, it just can't be." Five said, as a growing sense of dread welled up within him. He had entertained a thought earlier, but dismissed it. Now though, now he feared he would be right, he couldn't be though, how could Vanya cause the apocalypse?
The scene opened on Reginald talking to a woman, dying in a bed. He said how he wouldn't leave her, her begging him to go, that their world was doomed, but he wasn't, giving him her violin to give to someone else who loved it and that he loved, he took a jar of sparkling lights and released it into the air, seeing rockets rising in the skies around him.
"What's all this malarkey?" Luther asked.
"I have no idea or recollection of these events." Reginald said simply, staring blankly at the screen until they all looked away from him, confused at what they were seeing on the screen. None of them noticed the single tear run down his face.
The scene changed to him stepping onto a boat in the 1920's, and finding the site that would one day become the Umbrella Academy, buying the building.
"How do you look just as old now as you did then?" Five asked, confused.
"I have no idea or recollection of these events, Number Five." Reginald stated again, making them turn their attention back to the screen when it became obvious he was not going to be forthcoming with any information.
Back in the present day, Pogo raced around warning the siblings to escape as they wondered what was going on, as the house shook and Vanya headed up in the elevator, back towards the main house. Luther told them to not forget Grace as Pogo urged them all to flee.
"Wow, I'm sorry to say it, but this is a little scary." Klaus admitted.
Vanya seemed to shrink into herself hearing that, seeing the Academy shaking and herself heading back towards it, the others not noticing as they sat, engrossed, in the footage before them.
As Vanya headed up, her younger selves could be seen next to her, stopping by each room, Vanya was hit by memories of their abuse, exploding each room behind her as she walked past.
"I'm sorry, Vanya." Allison said to her sister, seeing Vanya staring at her fingers, trying to avoid her siblings or the screen.
"So am I, Vanya." Diego told her earnestly, as Vanya chanced looking up, seeing all of her siblings, even Luther, looking at her in concern, her face flamed.
"Don't be sorry, I hurt you guys, I'm gonna hurt you all now on the screen, I know, I don't blame you guys for being like that with me, I was just ordinary."
"Vanya, you're anything but ordinary." Allison reassured her. "I'm just sorry it took us all so long to realise it."
"Really? You're not angry at me for what's happening on the screen?"
"No, it isn't you doing it, besides, maybe we deserve it, how we treated you when we were younger, and even now." Allison stated.
"Not at all, you don't deserve this at all." Vanya protested.
As Diego and Klaus raced through the crumbling Academy, they were both knocked down by falling debris, before Klaus could help, Ben pulled Diego to safety, Diego thanking Klaus for saving his life, not noticing Ben.
"I'm sorry Ben, it's not like I can see you though." Diego reasoned, as Klaus told him that Ben was pouting over it.
"At least Ben was there to save both of your asses." Five stated. "Other than me, he always had a brain cell around here."
Vanya began to destroy the main antechamber before Pogo interrupted her, calling out to her to stop this.
"Pogo, what are you doing?" Luther asked him.
"Either something very brave or very stupid, my dear boy." Pogo told him.
"I'd say it's both, but more the latter." Diego reckoned.
"I can't let it go, that version of me won't either." Vanya admitted. "You're risking yourself doing this."
"Did you know?" Vanya softly asked him, as Pogo defended her siblings. Pogo delayed answering, until she asked again, before admitting it.
"Oh boy, she's going to really let go now." Klaus remarked.
"Yes, Miss Vanya, I knew." Pogo told her. Vanya gave him a small smile before her eyes glowed white again, lifting Pogo into the air, she slammed him into the antlers of the stuffed deer on the wall across the room, killing Pogo as she watched him die.
"POGO!" Luther roared.
"Oh God….Oh God…" Vanya said, watching the screen in horror.
"What did you do, Vanya?" Luther demanded, staring at it all unfolding. This was it, Pogo and Dad were right, it didn't matter what he had already seen, what had been said. Vanya was dangerous, she couldn't be allowed to use her powers. They had to keep her dosed, for her own good.
"You know full well it's not her, this Vanya and that Vanya are two different people, just look at her, Luther!" Diego stated, pointing out the Vanya in the room, who was crying at what she saw now, rocking slightly in her chair, Klaus and Allison trying to console her. "Do you think she would ever do that?"
"I..." Luther said, seeing Vanya's reaction to her other self, and feeling utter shame. Hadn't he moved on already? Why did he seek Reginald's approval so much?
Luther and Allison watched this in horror, before fleeing into the street, Diego thanked Klaus for saving his life before seeing Grace several stories above as the room collapsed around her, killing Grace as well.
"Mom!" Diego yelled, seeing her torn from him as well. He felt rage, but didn't know where to aim it. He couldn't blame Vanya, wouldn't, but who else could he blame? Then it hit him.
"YOU!" Diego yelled, getting to his feet and charging, Reginald dodging out of the way, and landing a punch into Diego's ribs, Diego shook this off and struck again, managing to land a blow into Reginald's jaw, before Luther picked him up and carried him away, all the while Diego was swinging his fists, eyes streaming.
"Let me at him, big guy! This prick ruined our lives!"
"Diego, calm down!" Luther ordered.
"Let me go, Luther!" Diego demanded.
"Not until you calm down. Hitting Dad won't solve anything right now." Luther explained, as Diego got himself back into check.
"I knew it." Five muttered to himself, as Allison looked over at him.
"What's up?"
"I knew something didn't seem right, I tried to dismiss it as impossible, but I can't. Harold Jenkins wasn't the bomb, he was the spark. The bomb is Vanya, Vanya causes the apocalypse."
"What makes you say that?" Klaus interjected, moving to be between Vanya and Five, Allison wrapping an arm around Vanya.
"Relax, Klaus, I'm not trying to hurt her, I'd be a big hypocrite if I lost my mind with every new piece of information like Luther does, but it explains a lot." Five told them, Klaus and Allison relaxing slightly when Five said he wouldn't try hurt Vanya.
Vanya walked out of the ruins of the Academy as her siblings tried to regroup in the rubble, Klaus stopping Diego from searching for Grace, Diego's stutter returning and Luther informing them that he saw Vanya kill Pogo before Five found them, telling them that the apocalypse was still on.
"I knew it." Five grumbled. Now he just had to work out a way he could stop the apocalypse whilst not hurting Vanya anymore than they all already had.
"I thought Harold Jenkins was the cause but he's the fuse, Vanya is the bomb. Vanya causes the apocalypse."
They siblings exchanged dark looks at those words, Reginald staring ahead, they could make out the cogs planning his next move, Pogo looked shocked at it all and Vanya still sat there, trying to blend into the seat, having moved her eyes back to the floor at all of this.
The siblings dispersed, heading to regroup at the bowling alley.
"How many years has it been since we went there?" Diego asked.
"Even I have no idea." Luther admitted. "Decades, even."
The Handler spoke to Hazel and Cha-Cha, explaining how they had messed up, and when they spoke about the notes, she said Five had sent them. She decided to let it all go, and gave them guns and a new assignment, protect Vanya Hargreeves. If they succeeded, Cha-Cha would get a new partner, whilst Hazel and Agnes can leave to a time period of their choosing.
"She isn't serious with that offer, is she?" Klaus asked Five, who shook his head.
"No, she plans to let them both die, quite easy to see if you know her better than they do, as good as I know her." Five told him, gritting his teeth.
Vanya got herself ready for the concert, sending a car flying that honked its horn at her.
"Damn, remind me to never piss you off after all of this, Vanya." Diego grinned, hoping to lighten the mood with a joke. Vanya gave him a shy smile back, and Diego felt his insides soaring.
At the bowling alley, Luther said they had to do whatever it took, Five agreeing with him as Diego and Allison argued for mercy. Klaus noticed the ad for her at the concert, saying she would be there, Allison pleading that Vanya was their sister, as they all began to argue again, Five and Luther advocating to kill her.
"Yeah, we won't be doing that one." Five said to the others. "I can understand why other me would just jump to that, but no, now I've seen all of this every other angle, that won't be happening." Five reassured them, looking at Vanya as he spoke.
"Thanks, Five." Vanya said to him.
Klaus tried to say that Ben was here and he could conjure him, throwing a ball to Ben, that passed through him, annoying his siblings who believed Klaus was acting up again for attention.
"Sorry Klaus." They all said sheepishly, Klaus nodded with a smile.
Klaus revealed Luther had gotten laid, sending Allison walking away, Luther chasing after her. A woman asked if Five wanted to join their party, Five cruelly rejecting it before hearing a Commission tube sound, picking up the message and realising how The Handler had tracked him, he jumped away to go meet her.
"Just when we need you, bit convenient." Klaus remarked.
"Yeah, she definitely has a plan. Need to know what it is to stop it though." Five reasoned.
Vanya boarded a bus as Hazel and Cha-Cha followed behind in their car, Cha-Cha trying to convince him to return to the Commission with her, that they worked well together, as Vanya remembered being given her violin by Reginald dismissively.
"Wait, does that mean Dad loves Vanya?" Klaus asked, remembering the weird scene with the rockets.
"Nah, not a chance." Diego told him, all of them nodding in agreement over that.
Luther spoke to Allison about what he had done, revealing he had been sent to the Moon for nothing to Allison, silencing him with her hand as he talked on about the rave, asking Luther to be her voice, they headed into a payphone and phoned Claire. Luther told Claire that Allison loved her, and that he wanted to meet Claire himself, saying Allison was sorry for what she had done, that she missed Claire every day and that she loved her.
"Aww, you do have a heart, somewhere in there big guy." Klaus teased as Luther glared at him.
"You mean it? You want to meet her?" Allison asked.
"I thought we'd been over this, we all do." Diego interrupted.
"I'd love to meet her as soon as we get out of here, I'm sure we can convince Patrick to give you greater rights with Claire." Luther told her earnestly.
As Hazel and Cha-Cha pulled up to where Vanya got off the bus, Hazel hit the accelerator, sending her flying out of the windscreen before driving away again.
"WOO Hazel!" Klaus cheered.
"I wanted to make her pay, to have her go out like this, so anticlimactic." Diego bemoaned.
Back at the bowling alley, they discussed heading off to go stop Vanya, this time without Five, before Commission goons entered and began shooting at them, they took out a few of them before running down the lanes to escape.
"How did none of us get shot?" Diego asked, confused.
"Plot armour." Klaus simply replied.
Ben just shook his head at Klaus' replies.
Five approached the motel room as The Handler greeted him, talking about what he had done to the Commission, offering him a deal. He could either rejoin his siblings and die, or jump ahead to the apocalypse and hope she would one day come back and recruit him for the Commission again in a few decades, he decided to head off to go save his family, as she bade him farewell.
"Yeah, I won't be leaving you to it all, we either stop the apocalypse together or we all die together." Five told them with a determined gaze, as they all sent him grateful smiles.
At the theatre, the show began as the Hargreeves arrived, trying to work out a plan. Klaus was left as a lookout, Luther telling Allison they would give Vanya a chance, as Diego and him headed off to try attack Vanya.
"Luther!" Allison cried, slapping his arm.
"It's not me! But you do have to admit, you're blinded on this issue."
"As I caused it!" Allison argued. "Besides, we kinda deserve this with how much we were dicks as kids to Vanya."
Hazel arrived back at the motel, surprising the Handler, who said how she was disappointed, before he shot her in the head.
"YES! Come back from that!" Five cheered, as the rest looked at him in shock. "What? Maybe I can look for happy."
Untying Agnes and with her confirming she still wanted to be with him, he took the Handler's briefcase, which she had also stuck in the vent.
"Well, I guess they're fleeing before it all hits the fan." Diego remarked.
"It's not like you wanted to come after him now, is it?" Vanya asked him.
"Nah, Hazel can be spared."
Back at the concert, Vanya continued to play as Allison watched her, astounded, Vanya gave her a smile, which she returned, before standing and unleashing her powers as Luther and Diego tried to rush the stage.
"SEE! I was about to resolve it all, you idiots ruined it!" Allison said as they looked sheepish. Allison really did have it in hand, and they may have just messed it all up.
Forcing the rest of the orchestra to continue to play as she attacked her siblings again, the Commission forces moved in. At their gunshots, the rest escaped as Five reappeared, Klaus noticing they had gotten past him and seeing Cha-Cha heading towards the theatre, Ben and Klaus raced inside.
"She survived that?" Diego asked, his eyebrow raising at the sight.
"Commission agents are enhanced to survive most things." Five said simply. "I'm not too surprised she did."
Five stated how they were all screwed, trying to take out the goons, leaving Vanya for now, suddenly Klaus summoned Ben, who used his powers to take them all out, as the others watched, seeing Ben, remarking on his appearance. Diego charged Cha-Cha, fighting her, as their fight took them behind the stage and into the wings.
"Ben saving the day." Allison remarked.
"Well I am incredible." Ben gushed as Klaus translated for them all, causing them to laugh.
"Kick her ass, Diego!" Klaus cheered as Diego began to get the upper hand against Cha-Cha in their mini fight.
Vanya was beginning to turn pure white, her suit and violin, as Diego had Cha-Cha dead to rights, he remembered what Five said about Patch, realising Patch wouldn't want it, he let Cha-Cha go, rejoining the others as they planned how to attack, rushing her from all sides, as Klaus remarked it was a suicide mission then.
"What's happening to me?" Vanya asked, scared of the change of colours.
"I don't know." Five grumbled. "Maybe something to do with unleashing your powers?"
"You know your conscience is right, Miss Eudora wouldn't want you to kill her killers, Master Diego." Pogo told him gently as he saw Diego looking torn at the sight on the screen.
"I know, Pogo, but she needs to be avenged."
"Then take Cha-Cha in if it happens this time, let the law take her." Luther told him gently, taking over from Pogo, Diego set his jaw but simply nodded.
As they charged her, she held them all off with one swipe, holding them in the air, sucking their life force to feed her powers, causing it to grow and grow.
"Oh God, what am I doing?" Vanya asked, horrified as she saw her brothers starting to desiccate before her eyes, their power and life force fuelling her own powers.
Suddenly, Allison was behind her, a gun aimed at her head, Vanya staring forward, before moving it beside her ear and firing, her concentration gone, Vanya fell to the floor in a dead faint, a beam of light leaving her and striking the Moon, dropping her siblings and her bow as Allison cradled her in her arms, the others joining them on the stage.
"Wait, did we stop it?" Klaus asked, shocked.
"It can't be that easy." Diego replied.
"We may have actually done it, saved the world, saved Vanya." Luther said, stunned.
"I'm not too sure..." Five trailed off, wondering what that hit on the Moon would do.
As they celebrated saving the world, the Moon began to erupt in columns of fire, cracking and splintering, before parts broke away and began to fall towards Earth. Klaus noticed first and alerted the others, who all realised they had failed and had caused the apocalypse.
"Well, this seems more like something we would do." Allison remarked lightly, surprised that she had managed to save Vanya, but devastated that her actions had caused the Moon to explode.
"What can we do about it?" Luther asked, worried.
"Not sure there is anything, wait for the end and pray God isn't such a bitch this time?" Klaus wondered.
Klaus grabbing his dog tags as Diego noted "The Umbrella Academy. A total failure."
They all looked at each other, wondering if that was true, whilst Reginald's eyes narrowed.
'Indeed, they all are. Disappointing.'
Five realised it didn't have to be the end, he could use his powers to take them all with him to another time, escaping the apocalypse, taking all seven of them, they could stop themselves dying, train Vanya in her powers so she wouldn't always be the cause of the apocalypse, and then they could prevent it ever happening.
"Wait, can you do that?" Vanya asked Five.
"Can't hurt to try it if it gets this bad again, if it fails, we die, if it succeeds, who knows?"
Deciding they had nothing to lose, they all stood in a circle, Luther holding Vanya, and Ben holding onto Klaus as Five tried to jump. The Moon struck the Earth, showing Beaman, Chedder and Cha-Cha all go up in flames, Hazel and Agnes using the briefcase to escape before the wave hit them, as they jumped, it showed all of the Academy as their younger selves, all of them vanishing in a flash of light, just before the wave destroyed the Icarus theatre as well, before it turned to black.
"Well, that's it." Reginald said simply, rising to his feet, not even sparing a glance for any of his children.
'Failures, all of them. Where did I go so wrong and how can I correct this?' He thought to himself.
"What do you mean, that's it? That can't be it all, what happened to us, where did we go?" Luther asked, bewildered.
"Probably to the past." Five told him. "Though I'll admit, time travel is a crap-shoot at best. Hopefully we ended up in the past, somewhere safe."
"Hopefully?" Diego asked dubiously.
"I have no idea, do I?" Five hissed at him.
"Vanya, are you ok?" Allison asked her sister, seeing her reaction to the last part of the episode.
"I'm so sorry, Allison, I could have killed them, thank you for stopping me, but I can't believe I blew up the Moon!" Vanya exclaimed.
"Hey, the amount Luther talked about it during all of these, I wish I had the power to just so I could get him to shut up!" Klaus tried to joke with her, getting a weak smile from both of the girls.
"What do we do now?" Luther asked, looking around to his siblings, as the doors reappeared.
"I guess first thing is first, we go find Harold Jenkins, stop him, then help Vanya with her powers. After that, who knows what the future will hold?" Five replied, as they headed to the door, nodding respectfully to Pogo as they all passed, barely sparing Reginald a glance as he headed up towards his study, preparing to write what he had seen.
He needed to be prepared, to train and prepare them, evil was coming and he knew it would need the Umbrella Academy, at full power, to stop it. If only he could get them to realise their full potentials…
Within an hour all of the siblings were found inside a van, staring at an unassuming house, watching as its occupant left, a young man with dark hair and a large raincoat. With them sat a mannequin that Five had demanded they retrieve first, none of them willing to argue with him on the issue.
"Let's go." Diego said, as he, Luther and Five headed out of the van. Vanya sat in the back, holding Dolores, whilst Allison sat up front with Klaus, ready to provide backup if needed.
"Hi, can I ask you a question?" Luther asked, heading towards Harold, his brothers flanking him.
"Yeah, what can I help you…?" Harold said, trailing off at the sight of who was in front of him. "Hey, aren't you those Umbrella people?"
"Yeah, we are." Luther smiled before raising his fist and punching Harold in the face, sending him flying into a nearby wall, out cold. Heading over, Diego checked he still had a pulse before Luther picked him up and put him in the back of the van, letting Vanya, Klaus and Allison take turns kicking him as they drove back to the Academy.
Elsewhere….
"We have a bit of a situation." A woman said, knocking on the door to an office, being bade to enter, she started to splutter.
"What is it?" The person sat behind the desk asked, glaring at the first woman.
"There has been a development. It seems that Five has succeeded, the apocalypse isn't on any longer." Dot said, terrified of the response she knew was coming.
"FIVE!" The Handler screamed.
Just the epilogue left for the season 1 part, then season 2 ahead!