(Clementine's Pov)
I woke up to the feeling of a hand on my head and the sound of soft breathing. I moved a bit in the bed and moved more into the warmth and I feel the person shift in their sleep. I look to see Violet as she still had her eyes closed and she moved her face a bit into my hair as best as she could. Her hand was still on the back of my head and her other hand was on my side now. I closed my eyes a bit as I just listened to her breathing and I felt relaxed. The sad thing about this though was that I was leaving tonight. I felt bad that I was leaving again but it wasn't as bad as just sneaking away like last time, I also promised I was going to be back in a few months, maybe I could come back early and surprise them.
I moved my head up a bit as I feel Violet pull me just a little closer to her. I never took her as a cuddler, it was cute if I was going to be honest. I think about what I had told her on the Bell Tower. I still do like her but even she said she didn't want to try a relationship again, but she also said that if I wanted too we could. I just don't get it; did people have these issues before? How are people supposed to deal with this? I mean this is the first relationship or well past relationship and only relationship I had been in. I wish I could ask someone about this stuff.
"Hmm." I hear Violet mumble in her sleep and I move my arm so I had it on her side as well and she moved her head a bit. she was still sleeping which was good, she needed to rest up. I was still lost in thought though. Why was she so nice to me after what I did? Why was she ok with it? Was it because she felt the same way with Minerva? I know I wasn't a replacement for the broken girl, she never said I was or wasn't a replacement. Did it have to do with the fact that Minerva was thought to have been dead? but she still had feelings for her? Why was I even thinking about all of this?
We aren't getting back together, we can't get back together, relationships are stupid, people act stupid. I just have to keep reminding myself of this, it's always ended up bad, and I can prove it. Louis was mad because Violet and I were together, I mean we didn't officially become girlfriends, just a few kisses here and there in secret. But like I said he never really got to know me like she did. She took her time with me, she let me kiss her, she would ask if it was ok, she would ask if I was ok, I've never seen that with the others I've seen.
I remember when I was with Javiers little group for a bit, and his nephew Gabe. He never asked to be with me but he would listen to me, and why? Because I was someone that wasn't family? Because I knew what I was doing? But Javier also kind of knew what he was doing too, but Gabe didn't listen to his uncle, but he would listen to me. He did kind of think full of himself and he was an idiot, I mean the whole situation when it came to talking about Conrads's death proved that. He didn't tell the full truth, had I been with him would he have kept things from me?
Louis never took the time to get to know me, granted I didn't hang around him as much as Violet. I don't know why I stayed near her more, maybe it's because she never tried to pull me, to make me hang out with her, she would ask if anything was ok, or if I wanted to talk. Louis would just talk, even if you didn't want to hear it he would just talk. I get it, it's how he is so I can't really fault him for that, and he is a bit funny, from what Violet has told me.
"I can hear you thinking." I hear and look to see Violet as she still had her eyes closed and she moved her head a bit so she wasn't talking in my hair.
"Sorry." I whisper.
"Don't be… what has you up still?" She whispers back and she rubs my back gently. Why was she so gentle with me? I wasn't frail, I wasn't like those glass dolls that would break from a slight breeze. But I would be lying if I said I didn't like this.
"Just not that tired." I tell her and she chuckled lightly.
"I know that's bullshit, you sleep in a lot." She mutters and I couldn't help but laugh. She keeps rubbing my back gently and I move my hand so I was gripping her shirt a bit as I tried to think. How can I explain all this to her? How would she react? What would she even think of me?
"Hmm, what has those gears turning?" She asked and I shrugged a bit.
"It's dumb." I mutter.
"Nothing is dumb if it has you thinking this much." She says quietly. I felt bad that I woke her up. She seems so tired this past week.
"You need to sleep." I tell her.
"So do you, but I don't think you'll get sleep if you don't talk about what's on your mind… but I get it, if you really don't want to talk about it, it's fine." She says and I nod just a little.
"…What… you know how the people I've been with never really had good relationships?" I asked her.
"Ah, trouble with couples… or potential couples?" She asked.
"It's just… I don't get it, Gabe, Louis, You, what makes you guys like me? I'm not special, I'm just a survivor like everyone else, I'm not a good person, I'm not that great, so why?" I asked. She stayed silent for a bit and I was about to tell her to forget it before she spoke up.
"I think you're special… yeah you did what you had to do to survive, but I think you are special… and what do you mean you aren't a good person? You took care of AJ, you helped us when you honestly didn't have to, you… you tried to save Brody… You didn't let us kick Marlon out and told us we should talk it out, you've done a lot of good here at least, and I never heard you ask for anything in return, so you aren't greedy." She says and I look to her.
"I don't know why Louis and that Gabe kid think, but I like you because you aren't afraid to speak your mind, you stand up to others, heck you were willing to give yourself up to keep all of us away from the Delta… you're very smart when it comes to surviving, you know your way around a gun, and honestly, you're sweet even when the world kept trying to break you, you seem to always get back up and try to do better no matter what… it's amazing to see someone like you never give up and it gives others hope." She says and I looked down a little red with embarrassment to her words.
"I still don't get it." I mutter and she chuckled softly.
"It is a confusing thing, but if you are willing to hear me out, I can try my best to explain." She says and I nod. She takes a bit and I feel her rubbing my head as we stayed quiet for a bit.
"You don't think you are special because you do what you do to survive, it's understandable that you think that way, I mean it's what everyone has to do… but I don't think I'll ever know a person my age who had their own face busted by an adult at the age of eleven and still have kindness to them when someone suggest that they should have left you after you had been beaten." She says and I wait a bit.
"You think relationships aren't good because you've seen only the unhealthy ones, though let's be fair we are in an apocalypse and slim pickings." She says and we both laughed at this.
"It's weird for you to feel the way you do towards someone else because from what you remember, people in relationships would either blame others, cause problems for others, or in the case of Louis and maybe Gabe, they didn't take the time to ask you about you, and who you are, who you were, how you are, how you feel… to you they only wanted to be with you because you weren't related to them or someone they have known since childhood." She says and I was a bit surprised that she was getting the points I was thinking about previously.
"That's why I never pushed it, it why I always ask if anything was ok, if you were ok because… well from everything that you've told me about your life for the past eight years, no one ever asked you if you were ok… and it makes me a little upset that no one did, that no one cared to ask you about how you felt, how you were, if you were ok, if you needed to talk about anything, even if it was something random… that the last time someone actually cared for you is gone, the one person who took care of you even though you weren't his daughter he thought of you as one." She says as she brings up Lee and I feel tears in my eyes as I remember him.
"The last time you were shown kindness was when you were so young and then the world just threw that damn curve ball at you… but… you are still kind because you were shown kindness from a stranger… think of it as a pay it forward or uh… damn what's the word I'm thinking." She says as she thought a bit.
"Do onto others on what you want done to you." I say quietly and I feel her nod.
"Yeah… but even when people weren't kind to you, in your own little way, you were still kind to them… telling them that they are assholes or dumbasses to their face because they were is just you being honest with them… hell if you called me a bitch when we first met, I would have been upset but you would have been honest about it, I was a bitch, I was a brat… I don't know how you do it but you change people, you changed me to… to be a better person." She tells me and I moved so we could look at each other.
"I still could use some improvements though I'm not perfect, and you aren't perfect… maybe you're scared that someone could actually care for you when you've spent so long taking care of others." She tells me and I put my head to her chest and she hugs me gently.
"Sometimes kindness can be a scary thing, relationships are a scary thing, so I get it, I get why you wouldn't like it, you have your past experiences to show how it could be bad, I mean look at what happened to Louis and I." She says and I gripped her shirt.
"I didn't want that to happen… it just felt nice to… like someone." I tell her.
"And there is nothing wrong with that, Clem you deserve happiness, you of all people deserve it, I mean hell you deserve a break here and there, why do you think I let you sleep in? you're tired, you need sleep, you have been through a lot, and there is nothing wrong with having others take care of you and love you… but like I said, I know why you act the way you do when it comes to this type of situation, that's why I never push it, I wouldn't be any better than those who never cared about how you felt." She says and I take a breath.
"I do want you to know that even if you and I never get together, I will never be mad at you, I will never treat you any different, I won't push you to be in a relationship, and I will always ask and wonder how you are and if you are ok… I just want you to know that there are still people out there that actually care about you, hell you know damn well AJ cares, but he's been busy." She says.
"He's being a kid… it's what I wanted for him, I didn't want him to have the same life I did… he was born into this, it wasn't his fault, it wasn't any of our faults." I say to her and I feel her nod a bit.
"And that's one of the many things I like about you." She says quietly and I moved a bit so I was looking at her and she got up a bit so she had to look down at me and I was laying on my back.
"Just know if you ever decide to stop traveling and stuff, you always have a home here." She tells me and I nod at this. I put my hands to the sides of her face and then there was a knock at the door and she quickly turned her head to look in the direction of the door. She moved the makeshift curtain and it was daylight out and I moved my hands from her face and place an arm over my eyes as I groan a bit.
"I kept you up." I mutter and she laughed a little then there was another knock.
"Violet, time to get up." I hear.
"Already up, give me a minute." She says to whoever was at the door. Honestly, I wasn't paying attention. I moved my arm from my face and Violet then looked down to me and she smiles a bit and I place my hand back on her face a bit. I felt bad like I was messing with her feelings, but was I? I liked her, and she did say she still liked me… right?
"Alright I got to get up." She says and she gets off the bed then goes to put her boots on. I looked to the side a bit as I watched her tying her laces and then she would get up and leave the room. I rubbed my face a bit and I get up myself and head out to the court yard.
"Hey early bird." I hear and look to see Louis and I nod at this.
"Yeah, actually got to sleep good last night." I say and he nods.
"Well, that's good." He says and I nod and head over to the tables where Tenn and Willy were.
"Hey is AJ up?" I asked.
"Yeah, he's just in the back right now." Willy says and I nod and thank them as I head to the back of the school. I see AJ as he was on the swings so I go over to him and he looked up to me and I smiled at him.
"I thought you left?" He asked.
"Well Violet got me to stay an extra day, so if there is anything you want to do today we can." I tell him and he smiled.
"Wanna go fishing?" He asked.
"Sure." I say and he jumps off the swing and runs back to the court yard and I couldn't help but laugh at this. I go follow him as he goes over to Violet who looked over to me as he points to me. I go up to them as he was just asking her if it was ok for us to go fishing.
"Sure, I don't see why not, going to get any big ones?" She asked him.
"Hell yeah." He says and then he looked to me.
"Can Violet come with us?" He asked.
"If she wants to." I say to him and looked to Violet.
"Sorry I have to go with Louis and Mitch to check out this caravan that's been seen, but we were thinking about throwing a small party." She says and I nod at his. AJ then goes to get ready and I look to Violet as she looked to the maps with Mitch.
"We won't be gone for too long but we just need to check up on them." Louis says and I nod and look back to the map a bit. they end up heading out and I went with AJ to the fishing shack as we got to the river. I look to AJ as we go to the river and just look to the water where the fish were.
"Are you and Violet, ok?" AJ asked and I look to him a bit.
"Yeah, we are… why uh… why are you asking?"
"Well, I mean she thought Tenn and I locked you two in the greenhouse last week, and I got to thinking maybe you two were upset with each other, and that maybe you two were arguing." He says and I look to him.
"Oh no, we aren't arguing or upset with each other." I tell him.
"So, you two are ok?" He asked and I nod.
"Yeah, we are ok." I tell him.
"Are you leaving tonight?" He asked and I nod at this.
"Yeah, but I'll be back in two maybe three months." I tell him and he nods.
"Why was Violet sad when you left?" He asked and I look to him.
"I mean I was sad too but she looked really sad." He says and I take a breath and decided to take a seat at this point.
"Well I mean she was sad cause a friend was leaving." I tell him.
"Oh… ok yeah seems fair." He says and I look to him as he also took a seat. I look to him a bit as he looked to the water and I rubbed my face a bit and looked to the water myself. I clasp my hands together as we just listened to the running water and even the birds in the area.
"Are you and Louis together?" AJ asked and I sputter a bit and look to him.
"I'm sorry what?" I asked with a slight laugh.
"Well I heard you two the other night, and you were talking about relationships." He says and I take a breath and then took the hat off my head and ran my fingers through my hair a bit.
"No, AJ, Louis and I were not and are not together at all." I tell him.
"Oh… good." He says and I look at him a bit.
"Why would that be good?" I asked a little curious as to what he thinks. It wouldn't hurt to just know what he thinks.
"Well you never seem like the type to like things like that." He says and I nod a bit at this.
"You know why right?" I asked.
"Cause of what others have done." He says and I think a bit.
"That is true… but uh… what if I did like someone?" I asked him.
"Who?" He asked and I just keep silent and I rubbed the back of my head a bit.
"Is that important?" I asked him.
"A little, are they nice to you?" He asked and I nod.
"Yeah, they are." I tell him.
"Do they make you happy?" He asked and nod.
"Yeah, they do make me happy." I tell him and he nods as well.
"Do you like them?" He asked and I nod at this and then just look to the water a bit. I see a few fish swim on by and I look down the small river a bit and think about how it was when I was travelling in the canoe.
"Then you should be with them, if they are nice, make you happy and you like them then they seem like a good person." He says and I look to him a bit.
"But what if something bad happened?" I asked him.
"Were you with them before?" He asked.
"Not officially, but kind of." I tell him.
"What happened? When did this happen?" He asked.
"Uh well it happened before I found you when I left Javiers group… and well… let's just say someone was jealous that I was with the person I like and a fight happened." I tell him, was it a complete lie? No but a little lie like this doesn't hurt. He was silent for a bit and I looked to my shoes a bit as I let him think.
"Well, the jealous person… were they nice to you?" He asked.
"Well, they were nice, but they never got to know me and I just didn't like them." I tell him.
"Oh, so they were mad because you were with someone you actually liked." He says.
"Pretty much but they don't seem mad about it anymore." I tell him.
"Hmm… well they're dumb." He says and I laughed at this.
"But I've never seen you act all romantic with people so it's a little weird." He says and I laughed again.
"I get that, it is weird hu?" I asked and he nods.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" I asked and he nods and we get back to fishing.
"Well, if you really like them then you should be with them… just no kissing stuff." He says and I bust out laughing at this.
"Kissing stuff." I mutter and shake my head as we fished some more.
"Well, it's gross, Ruby and Aasim kiss a lot." He says and I rubbed his head a bit.
"Well, they like each other." I tell him.
"Yeah, but not all the time, they get really mushy and lovey dovey, it's gross." He says and I smile.
"You're just a kid, trust me I sometimes thought my parents kissing was gross, and I thought they had cooties." I tell him.
"The heck is cooties?" He asked.
"A kissing disease." I tell him.
"THEY'RE SICK?!" He yelled and I laughed more at this.
"No, no it's… it's not a real disease AJ it's just what kids would say." I tell him and he looked to me a bit.
"It's not a real sickness?" He asked and I nod.
"It's not a real sickness." I tell him and he nods. We finished fishing and did catch a few big ones and we headed back to the school and I handed the bucket to Omar who thanked us. Violet and the others came back and they looked happy as they come over to us and set their bags on the table.
"Did you get anything?" Ruby asked as she came over and I see Marlon going over to them too.
"Oh yeah, seeds for our garden, some spices they made along the way so Omar has more to work with, and lots of other things." Mitch says as he pulled the stuff from his bag and Violet gave AJ something and he thanks her. She then looks to me and smiled a bit, and I smiled back at her. Ruby asked if I could help set up for the small party and we all got to work. They had those party lanterns and we hung them up, Mitch was in charge of making the bonfire and Marlon helped him along with Willy. Louis and Aasim went and grabbed the record player so we could listen to music for the party as well.
"Alright, Dinner is done, and for the special surprise." Louis says as he goes to his bag and pulled out some treats.
"They made these too, peanut brittle, homemade chips and they had these." He says as he pulled out packets of powdered drink mixes.
"Woah." AJ says as he watched as Louis poured them into the water changing the color and AJ looked fascinated by it. when we finished dinner Louis went and played some music from the record player and I currently had some of the cherry flavored drink in my hand as I watch AJ showing Louis his dance moves. It was nice to see AJ happy.
"So how do you like the little party?" I hear and look to Violet as she came over to me.
"It's fun, especially the drink." I say and took a sip from my cup.
"We would have gotten some Alcohol but uh yeah not a good idea for a party." She says and I laughed a bit at this and shake my head.
"Yeah, a bunch of drunk teenagers is not a great idea." I say silently and she nods. As the party kept going, I just kept to the side with Violet as everyone else was having fun, and I was having fun too, a party like this is very rare and I was just relaxing as much as I could before I would have to leave.
"The chips are good." Violet says as she ate a few and I nod at this as I also had a few myself. By the time the small party had ended and we had cleaned up a bit and put any of the leftovers away. I had gone to the room and grabbed my bag and made sure I was all packed and ready to head out.
"Uh hey." I hear and look to see Violet.
"Hey." I say and she just nods and then goes and takes a seat on her bed and I look to her.
"Um… so you're heading out now?" She asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, but like I said I'll be back." I say and she nods a bit at this.
"Uh well before you go, I made something for you." She says and I look to her as she was reaching in her vest pocket and held something out to me and I opened my hand. She sets the item in my hand and I look to see it was a pin that looked to be like stars.
"I'm not that good with drawing and stuff so I just made a pin with stars cause well, yeah." She says and I look to her and smiled as I put a pin to my shirt and smiled at her.
"I really like it. Thanks." I tell her and she nods. I look at her a bit and I then watch her as she went and sat back on her bed and I looked to my bag and then to her as I go over to her and take a seat next to her. I kept my eyes to the floor a bit and took a breath and then rubbed the back of my neck.
"Uh well I'm glad you like it." She says and I smile and look to her and nod.
"Yeah… I'll have to bring you a gift when I come back." I say.
"Oh no, no just make sure to come back safe and we're even." She tells me and I look at her as she looked to me. I nod again and then look back to the floor. It was quiet and a little awkward if I have to be honest, but not in a bad way just that little awkward moment where you didn't know what to say or what to do.
"I can do that." I say to her and she nods.
"Good… cause if you don't, I'll just annoy the hell out of you some way." She says and I laughed at this and then I look to her and I hugged her. She hugged me back and it was nice. Hugging her made me feel safe somehow.
"Maybe one day you could come with me." I suggest.
"Oh? Yeah, like I could do that." She says and I moved to look at her.
"Well… why not?" I asked and she looked to me a bit.
"I mean… I just… can't." She says and I was a little confused at this.
"It's like going into town but for a long period of time." I tell her.
"Well yeah but… I've only ever been here; I don't really think I would last out there." She says and I look to her.
"Oh, that's a load of Bullshit, you can survive out there." I mutter and she laughed at this.
"Sure… I don't know maybe because I just don't want to leave, I mean I have to take care of Tenn and well technically help take care of AJ as well… I don't think I'll ever leave the school." She says and I had to agree with her on that. Sometimes when you have responsibilities you can't just drop that. I actually felt like a bad person now that I think about it.
She along with the others had been taking care of AJ for me, something I was responsible for, it was supposed to be my job. They had been doing that even if it was for a few months and for god's sake I didn't spend a lot of time with him since I had been here. I rub the back of my neck as I started to think about these things and I mean I did ask AJ if he wanted to come with me, and I understand that he didn't want to come with me because he had a stable place to stay. He has friends, he doesn't have to worry about finding food, he has a place to sleep and not have to keep guard at all times of the day or night. He didn't have to worry about much like he had to when we were on the road.
So why didn't I stay? Why did I want to keep putting myself in a situation where I had to keep my guard up from Walkers and even other survivors? Why didn't I just stay here like the others? I think of these other teens as friends, I didn't have to keep my guard up, I could talk to Violet if I felt down or if I needed someone to talk to. So why couldn't I just stay too?
"You ok there Clem?" I hear and I look to Violet as she looked to me a little worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine just… questioning a lot of things." I admit to her.
"Do you want to talk about it? Or is it personal?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I don't know really…. Well… I don't know." I tried to tell her but the right words wouldn't come out but she didn't push me into talking she did place her hand on my back as I tried to find the right words but how could I say something that wouldn't make me sound like a bitch in some way.
"You know if you still feel like you don't want to leave it's fine, I think AJ would be happy." She says and I nod.
"It uh… well I mean… I should stay because… well I'm supposed to be the one to take care of AJ, not you guys… n-not saying you guys are bad just that… well I basically left him here when I should be the one to take care of him." I say and she laughed a bit.
"You think you're just leaving him on us? Like it's a bad thing?" She asked.
"Well… isn't it?" I asked and she laughs again.
"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't be laughing, but that's stupid." She says and I look to her more. I was a little confused at this.
"Stupid?" I asked.
"Well, I mean not stupid but come on, you think you're the first person to have someone else watch their kid? Plus, it's not like you aren't coming back to see him, and he knows you didn't abandon him." She lists off.
"But I didn't know I was coming back; I was trying to steer clear from here." I tell her.
"Yeah, but I bet something was telling you just for a small moment that it was going to be ok when you came back, and even if there wasn't you still came back." She says to me.
"But you told him I would be back not knowing if I would be back ever." I tell her.
"I mean yeah but things could change so it wasn't a lie." She says.
"But I promised I would take care of him." I tell her.
"Ok? and you still are, you made sure that he was in a safe environment, you made sure the people he was being left with were up to your standards on keeping him safe, he has food, water, shelter, you weren't just leaving him with a group of people you knew nothing about, just cause you leave for a while doesn't mean you abandoned him, you're just doing what you think you need to do." She says and I nod a bit at this.
"I guess." I say quietly and I feel her move a bit as she laid on her bed and she looked to the ceiling.
"You're doing good Clem; don't think you aren't." She says to me and I hold my hands together and look to the floor a bit.
"But I don't know why I want to leave only to come back… why can't I just stay?" I asked her.
"Well… I don't know, I can only say what I think but it's not right since I'm not you." She says and I look at her.
"Well… why do you think I can't stay?" I asked and she shrugged a bit.
"Well, it could be because you're s use to being out there, it's part of a routine for you and the fact that you have some place to stay for a long amount of time just doesn't feel right… didn't you say that Lee told you to keep moving?" She asked and I nod.
"Yeah."
"Well… you still have that mindset, that you have to keep going and that staying in a place for so long can be scary or dangerous in the long run, it's scary to think that staying here could result in something bad, which isn't a bad thing but a little unhealthy." She explained and I had to agree with her.
"That sounds about right." I tell her.
"But that can't be all as to why you don't stay long." She says as she sits up and I look to her.
"I mean don't get me wrong I do like it here, it's way better than what I had been use to it's just… I don't fully know why." I tell her.
"And that's fine, you may never know why, it's always a mystery." She says and I nod at this.
"Maybe I can leave early in the morning… I'm still tired and I did keep you up most of the night." I say to her and she laughed at this.
"Sure, no shame." She says and I look to her.
"You're really ok with me leaving?" I asked.
"Honesty is on the table, right?" She asked.
"Well, I hope so." I tell her and she looked to the top bunk a bit.
"Honestly… it's in between yes and no, yes because it's you and what you grew up doing for so long so I can't fault you from what you were taught and what you've been doing for so long, and no because well… I like hanging out with you and you're just an interesting person to be around." She tells me and I lay back on the bed and looked to the top bunk.
"Just get some sleep and don't worry to much about it, if you want to stay longer that's fine, if you leave in the morning that's fine too. I can't force you to stay here." She tells me and I look to her. How can she be like this? How come it was so easy for her to talk about this.
"Not to be rude or anything but… do you think the reason you're so ok with me leaving is because people left you before?" I asked and we were silent for a bit and I look back to the top bunk.
"Well one, not rude to ask that, and second you are kind of right, I did have people leave me and I got use to it but I also have to take into consideration on how you feel or how others feel in general." She tells me.
"You sure you aren't a secret therapist?" I asked and she laughed.
"I'd make a bad therapist though, but if you think I'm good enough to help you, I'll take it as a complement." She tells me and we just lay there. My eyes started to get heavy with tiredness and I feel Violet get off the bed and moved my legs onto the bed gently and I look to her as she got in the bed as well and I look to her a bit.
"Maybe I won't leave tomorrow… I'm not to sure." I say with a yawn.
"Just do what you need to do, don't force yourself… and don't think to much on it, we all understand." She says and I nod as I fall asleep as she put her hand to the back of my head and rubbed it gently.