Violet's Pov)
Bombs going off all over the place, gun fire everywhere. You could hear people screaming, screaming out of pain, screaming for their mothers, their wives, even husbands. It pains me to hear it all. That I can't do anything to stop their pain. I run up to a soldier who was blown in half as he was gripping onto the collar of my shirt. He was shaking from all the shock blood on his hands as he tried to stop the bleeding.
"I don't want to go." He says and I nod.
"I… I wanna… see my kids." He cried but I say nothing.
"ALDON, WE NEED HELP!" I hear and I look to the man but he was already gone and I looked to the medic who looked to me.
"I got this." She says and I nod as I get up and run over to the others.
"We have to go now." The private says and I take some breaths as I look around. I wipe the sweat from my face and I rubbed my neck.
"ALDON!" They yelled and I glare at him.
"I AM IN CHARGE HERE YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled and they all looked scared of me and I take a few breaths.
"DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" I yelled at them.
"WE ARE BEING BLOWN UP!" He yelled.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled and look to them.
"Jared, you get these ten out of here, Mike you need to follow me, and you." I say looking to the private.
"You need to follow Jared stay in the back keep watch, you are the eyes in the back of their heads, you hear me?" I asked and he nods as he followed Jared and I look around.
"LET'S GET GOING!" I yelled as we grabbed a few injured and brought them to the medics in the safe zone.
"HELP, MY SON IS IN THAT BUILDING!" I hear a woman scream and I looked to the building.
"What's his name?" I asked her.
"Lance, his name is Lance, please help him." She begged and I looked to the others and I dropped my bag.
"ALDON!" I hear and run to the building.
"ALDON GOD DAMN IT!" I hear and there were a few shots that rang out I dived down to the ground to a window in the basement and I crawl to it. I hear a body drop next to me and I look to see Kal.
"Shit Kal what the fuck?" I asked as he crawled with me. I busted the window and Kal goes in and a grenade goes off on the other side of me and I covered my head. I hurry through the window and get in the building.
"LANCE?!" I call out and tried to listen for anything.
"LANCE YOUR MOM IS WORRIED!" Kal yelled and I look around and turn on my flashlight.
"LANCE!" I called out and then I hear a kid and I hurry and run over to them. I find the boy under a box and I look to him.
"Hey, hey you ok buddy?" I asked and he looked to me and I see the blood on his mouth, and blood on his chest. I look to him sadly as he looked to me scared. I moved more of the boxes and picked him up gently.
"Shit." Kal says and I look to him.
"Don't be negative… boy shouldn't be scared right now." I tell him and he nods and we hurry out the building the boy was gripping my shirt gently and I look down to him.
"We're getting you to your mom ok." I tell him and he nods. The boy only looked to be ten maybe twelve years old. We hurry back over to where his mother is and I see a medic and the mother was crying she didn't try and take the boy from me but she gently cupped his face and I look to her.
"Do you want to hold him?" I asked and she nods as we gently move to a cot in the medic tent and they tried to work on the boy.
"What do we do now?" I hear but it all started to fade. Everything was fading.
I wake up and sit up in the bed quickly as I looked around but it was dark and I tried to get out of the bed but I feel a hand on me and I tried to get them off.
"Vi, Vi it's me shhh, shhh it's ok." I hear and I feel my head being moved and I hear a heartbeat. I take some breaths and I tried to calm down.
"A boy… a boy he… fuck." I mutter and I feel my hands shaking.
"Shhh, it's ok it's ok." She tells me and I shake my head and I feel the tears.
"I saw… I saw a kid die… his… his mom held him." I cried and she held me to her.
"Clem… he… he didn't, he should have never." I tried to say as I gripped her arm.
"Shhh, shhh." She says quietly and I feel her rock me a bit and I cover my other ear so I can just listen to her heart beating. I feel her rubbing the back of my head and I closed my eyes a bit. I could feel her heart beat against her chest as I hear it. I moved my head a bit so I could get a better listen to it. I feel Clementine move my hand gently.
"Do you want to stay in today?" She whispers softly to me and I nod a bit.
"Just… I don't know." I tell her.
"It's ok." She tells me.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"It's three in the morning." She tells me and I sighed.
"I'm sorry." I tell her.
"Don't be sorry." She tells me and I nod a bit.
"I'll call your mom and tell her we can't make it." She tells me and I shake my head.
"No… no if I feel better." I say and listen to her heart beating.
"If you… how about we give her a heads up?" She asked and I nod at this. I feel her move a bit and I listen to her heart more. I don't listen to her as I tried to listen to her heart and I hear her breathing. I feel her move again and then her hand was on my ear and I sighed a bit as I finally relaxed. She moved her hand away and rubbed my back gently.
"Now I know you probably don't want to sleep, so how about we get up… and you eat your food, and maybe… if you are up to it, we can… take a simple walk to the park and back." She suggests.
"I don't want to go out." I tell her quietly.
"Ok… well let's see how you feel after… I do need to get your prescription though." She tells me and I shake my head as I grabbed her shirt.
"No… no you can't-."
"Shhh." She whispers to me gently and I feel her rubbing the back of my head.
"I'll only be gone an hour." She tells me and I shake my head.
"No." I tell her.
"Do you want to tell me why I can't go alone?" She asked.
"Battle buddy, always need a battle buddy." I mutter as she rubbed my head gently.
"Ok… but I really need to get your medicine." She tells me and I grip her shirt tighter.
"Ok, ok, no going out." She says and I nod a bit. I know she was tired, she had to be tired, she get's nightmares too.
"You can sleep." I tell her.
"I'm ok."
"No… no you get some sleep too." I tell her and I feel her move a bit.
"I'll stay up a little longer." She tells me.
"What time is it?" I asked quietly.
"Three thirty." She tells me and I nod and hold her hand gently. Time felt like it was going slow for me as I held her hand and I knew she had finally fell asleep. I felt bad waking her up, she needed sleep more than I did. I slowly moved from her and I get up out of the bed. I felt a little hungry so I went and heated up my food and ate it. I was glad I was able to do this on my own and I look over to the bed a bit and I swallowed my food then looked to the plate a bit. I take a breath and then grabbed some clothes quietly; I knew it was my bag as I grabbed it and took out a pair of pants and shirt. When I was done, I grabbed my cane and went over to the bed to make sure Clem was still asleep and she was. I slowly get up and head out the room quietly. I go and take a step outside and I patted my pants and grabbed my cigarette and lit it as best as I could. I smoke for a while, and just think.
I just thought about how I was right now. I felt bad for waking Clementine up, I felt bad that I had nightmares, I felt bad for everything. She was right, I didn't need to go back there, I knew we had something going on, I just did this to myself. I take a breath as I tried to look around and I rubbed the back of my head. These were my problems, why is she helping me? She should never have to take care of me. I felt so bad. I shake my head and I get up and head back into the hotel. I get to the room and I put my cane to the side and I take my shoes off and I go back in the bed and I feel Clem put her arm around me and I kissed her head gently. When she finally woke up, we got up and she got dressed just in case and I was drinking some water.
"I uh… I'm feeling better." I tell her.
"Are you sure?" She asked and I nodded.
"Yeah." I tell her.
"Ok." She says and I grabbed my cane and we walked out the building. We headed to the VA here and I explained to them that I needed to know where I could get my prescription and they tell me where I can get it. we go and pick up the bottle and then we head over to my mothers. She was happy that we were able to come and I feel my little sister run into me and I hugged her a bit. we went out to the park and I had wanted to carry the basket so they let me as we walked.
"Watch out there's a rock." Kat says and I chuckled as I had a little fun and moved my foot where the rock was.
"No over more." She tells me and I move my foot over more.
"Ok, put your foot down." She says and I do as told. She was excited that I didn't fall victim to the rock and I couldn't help but laugh and I hear my mom and Clementine laughing too.
"Ok now there is another big rock." She tells me.
"How big?" I asked as I felt around with the cane a bit and indeed there was a big rock.
"Woah thanks for looking out for me." I say as I avoided the rock and I feel Kat grab my hand. I don't know why but the fact that I feel her tiny hand in mine. I follow her and we stopped.
"It's ok to sit." She tells me and I nod as I sit down on the blanket. We talked for a bit and I feel Clementine grab my hand gently. Kat was talking to all of us and I feel Clem rub the back of my hand with her thumb. I hold her hand back gently. I tried to look around to see the surroundings but it was hard and I look to Clementine a bit. I then see something near my face and I look to see a little hand holding the item.
"It's a sandwich." Clem giggles and I take the sandwich from Kat gently and then take a bite.
"Thanks." I say and I see her nod a bit. we talked for a bit and Kat went off to play a bit. I tried to look for her.
"She's fine." I hear my mom tell me and I nod at this.
"So… how did uh… how did dad end up in jail?" I asked.
"Oh uh… I don't think you want to know." She tells me and I look to her as best as I could.
"Well now that you say that, I think I should know." I tell her.
"…. The neighbors called the cops because." She stopped talking and I look to her more.
"He was beating Kat." She says and I gripped Clementine's hand a bit as I tried to calm down.
"He what?" I asked getting mad.
"I'm not repeating it." She tells me and I take a deep breath.
"I want to go see him." I tell them.
"Violet, no." Clem tells me.
"He beat my little sister, for fuck's sake-."
"But he's locked up at least." My mom says.
"I don't give a fuck; it was different for me." I tell them.
"Vi." I hear Clem say and I moved my hand and gripped my cane a bit. I remember when my father threw me to the ground on broken beer bottles. The drunken rants he went on as if a little kid knew about the world and how it was. I remember how he threw a bottle at my face because he didn't like what was playing on the god damn radio, how I wasn't good enough, how he hated me just because I was born, how my father was an evil man. I gripped my cane tighter and I shake my head a bit.
"Vi… hey I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder." Clem tells me and then I feel her hand and I just kept gripping my cane.
"Why does Sissy look mad?" I hear Kat ask.
"She's just… having a bad moment." Clem tried to tell her and I nod.
"Sissy it's ok." I hear and I feel a little hand pat my leg.
"It's ok Sissy." She tells me and I take a breath and closed my eyes.
"It's not but I'm ok for now." I tell them and I opened my eyes and saw it was still blurry and I feel around for Clementine's hand and she grabs my hand gently and I grip it a bit.
"Can I have some juice?" I hear Kat ask my mom and I hear some shuffling and I tried to look around again. The picnic was cut a little short because the weather had apparently turned a little bad, so we all headed to my mom's house and the rain started to come down.
"Bad weather, aways ruins a good day." I hear my mom say and I nod as I take a seat on the couch.
"It ain't all bad some people like the sound of rain… I just hate thunder." I mutter a bit.
"Oh, do you need me to put the radio on? Thunder can get pretty loud." She asked.
"That's if you want, Clem helps me with thunder." I explained to her.
"Oh? Well, that's a good thing… I'm still sad that I missed your wedding, courtroom or not I wish I could have been there." She says and I nod.
"I know but… I honestly thought you wouldn't have wanted to see me; I mean I just… I was a little… scared." I tell her.
"Scared?" She asked and I nod.
"Didn't know if I would scare you with my eyes and scars and freakouts… why do you think I don't sleep here even though you offered?" I asked her.
"Violet." She says quietly and I pat my legs a bit.
"It's… it's fine I just… don't want to scare you or Kat." I tell her honestly.
"You wouldn't-." She tried to say and I look to her a bit.
"I would… I had a nightmare this morning and… before that, and I just want to get up and get out as fast as I can." I tell her.
"And with me being blind and not knowing where I am and who is with me… it gets worse." I tell her honestly.
"Mommy, Clementine says I can have some of her old dollies." I hear and laughed at this.
"Oh, that's very nice of her, did you say thank you?" My mom asked and I feel someone take a seat next to me.
"Yes, she did, she is a very polite girl." Clementine says as I hear her talk next to me. I could hear the storm and the sound of thunder rolling. I take a breath as I grab Clementines hand gently and I feel her hold mine. I then feel her place her hand gently on my head over my ear as she pulls me to her chest. I can hear them talking a bit as I closed my eyes.
"Does that help her?" My mom asked.
"Oh this? Yes, it helps her… she said she likes the sound of my heart beat, though let's be honest here all heart beats sound the same." Clem says with a little laugh.
"I don't… I sometimes feel like I should do more to help her but… she just wants… this mostly." I hear her say and I guess I ended up closing my eyes a bit. I just listen to Clementine's heart beating and I feel her rubbing the back of my head with her free hand. It might look a little stupid to others but I enjoyed moments like this. I like the sound of rain but hate the sound of thunder, I like the sound of Clementines heart beat and it was soothing to me. If I didn't hear it, I would worry. She thinks this is the little things I want but this is a big part that helps me through the days I have my panic attacks, to calm me down, to help me. This one act that she does by just letting me hear her heart beating, to feel her breathing, it does so much for me, more than what she thinks.
I was woken up to some movement and I slowly open my eyes and I look to Clementine and I think she was looking back to me. I feel her place her hand on the back of my head again and I lay my head back down as she kept rubbing my head. I moved her hand from my ear as I hear some soft music playing along with the rain and I rubbed the back of her hand gently. I feel her take a deep breath and I look to her hand. I wish I could see it clearly but that's not the case, I won't be seeing her normally ever again. I'm to scared to get the surgery, to possibly never see Clementines face, to just not see at all. I kissed her hand gently and moved it to my cheek and she rubs my cheek a bit with her thumb.
"Hey, you wanna head back to the hotel? The rain has let up a bit." She whispers to me and I nod a bit but don't move. I didn't want to move.
"I'll call a taxi for you two." I hear my mother say and I nod again as I put my hand on top of hers that was on my cheek. She felt so warm.
"Thank you." I hear Clementine say and I nod in thanks and closed my eyes again. When we finally did get to the hotel we just went to our bed and laid there. Clementine had put the radio on and I was trying to look at her as she was just right there in front of me. But she was blurry to me. was my eye just getting worse? Would I go completely blind? Would she really want to stay with me? I wouldn't blame her if she did want to just leave me, to put me in those homes where disabled people live. I wouldn't blame her at all. I have no job; I can't get a job with what's wrong with me. I can't help that much around the house, and I just feel useless.
"Violet." I hear her say gently and then feel her wipe something from my face. I guess I was crying.
"What's wrong?" She asked quietly and I moved so my head was near her chest. I feel the tears now as I pulled her close to me. I feel her put an arm on my back and I just hold her to me as she hummed gently.
"I'm sorry." I tell her.
"Sorry for what?" She asked as she kept rubbing my back.
"I… why… why did this happen?" I asked her.
"What exactly are you talking about?" She asked.
"Why did I have to go blind?" I asked her.
"I don't know… is that's what's bothering you?" She asked and I nod.
"I would have rather lost a limb than this." I tell her honestly.
"I know, but even then, you would still have problems… I'm still getting use to the leg." She tells me and I think a bit.
"I heard people can still feel the limbs they lost." I tell her and I feel her shift a bit.
"Yeah… sometimes I think it's still there, sometimes I feel pain there but I know it's not there… but my brain says otherwise." She tells me.
"Does it hurt now?" I asked.
"No, no it's ok right now… sometimes when I get into a car… guess that's just me tensing up and thinking, 'Oh god what if this happens again? What if we get into another accident, what if this time I end up gone'… crazy right?" She asked and I shake my head at this.
"No, it's not crazy at all." I tell her and I place my hand on her head and moved my hand so it was on the back of her head. I run my fingers through her hair soft and slow so I don't accidently pull her hair. I moved up a bit so I could kiss her forehead gently and I pull her to me.
"What's it like though? Losing something like that?" I asked and she laughed just a little.
"I can't explain it… I was so use to having it that… it's weird… I have to wake up in the morning and have a little extra step to my routine." She says and we both laugh at her little joke.
"I have to wake up… get changed or if I'm going to wear pants then put my leg on then put pants on… when you were gone, I forgot one day and ended up falling." She tells me and I hold her to me more, if that was even possible.
"I shouldn't have left." I tell her and we stayed quiet and I could hear her breath.
"I should have told them no but… what if that was you? What if it was me? Or our friends… what if we were still back at the… camp." I say quietly and I feel Clementine tense up a bit and I tried to look at her.
"I hate that day." She tells me and I nod.
"I thought… I was going to lose you that day." She tells me and I kept running my fingers through her hair gently.
"You wouldn't get up and they had a gun to your head." I hear her as she tried to hold back the tears and I look down to her as she puts her head to my chest.
"I was angry when you just left… the last thing we could have done together was had an argument… that you just wanted to give me space, I didn't even tell you I loved you when you left and you didn't say it either and I just… I was scared and I didn't know what to do." She tells me and I feel my chest tighten at this. The fact that I did that to her, the fact that she was right.
"And then… when you were out of it… not knowing I was there, thinking I was someone else… I broke my heart that you told us to leave you there… that you thought I didn't want you back home, the fact that you thought you didn't have a home… I felt like I made you think like that and it broke me." She tells me and I stopped my hand in her hair and I kissed her head gently.
"Let's never go to bed angry… if we have an argument or anything we talk it out to each other, but never go to bed angry." I tell her and she nods. I place my chin on the top of her head and I feel her shoulders shaking and I hear her crying and I feel the tears hitting my shirt. I moved my hand from her head to her back as I rubbed it. This hurt me so much, she had all this bottled up and I felt bad because she worried for me more than herself.
"I'm sorry I never asked you how you felt." I tell her. I tried to think of what else to say.
"I'm sorry I made you worry about me, I'm sorry I did what I did, or said what I said that hurt you, even if I was out of it, I'm sorry I told you I thought you wouldn't want me anymore… I'm sorry if it was a negative thought, and I'm sorry I made you feel like I couldn't trust you enough to help me." I tell her and I feel more tears hitting my shirt as she gripped the front of my shirt.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you before I left… I should have told you I was leaving that day even if I was in a rush, I thought you didn't really want to talk to me since you had been so distant after I told you." I tell her.
"I love you Clem, I know I have my problems but I never asked you about your problems and I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration." I tell her honestly and I feel and hear her take a shaky breath.
"I love you so much… when we first met I don't know what it was about you but… I fell for you and I fell so damn hard… and I'm going to be honest… if I make things hard for you… even when we're old and grey and I become too much for you, I wouldn't blame you if you kicked me out of the house or dropped me off at one of those facilities." I tell her and she hit my chest. Though it wasn't hard it did hurt a little.
"Don't think like that." She tells me and I sighed a bit.
"Clem, it's true though… I wouldn't blame you, I'd still love you and I would understand." I tell her and she hit my chest again and I look to her as best as I could.
"I wouldn't leave you." She tells me and I nod. I just wanted her to be aware that if the possibility does happen then she shouldn't feel bad, that I would understand why if she did do those things mentioned. I feel her move into me and I kissed her head gently. I rubbed her back more and I feel her move her face to my neck. We would go visit my mother and sister for the next two weeks and it was time for us to head home. I told my mother that I would be back later in the year since Clementine had school. She understood and I told her that she could call us if anything happens and we need to get on the next train out here. We tell Jane and Molly bye and then head onto the train and get to our cart, we then go to the dining cart and got something to eat. I grabbed a cigarette from my chest pocket and I hand one to Clem who took it.
We lit our cigarettes and had a nice meal. Clementine had talked about how cute my little sister was when she was helping me. I laughed a little and I lean my head on my hand that was propped up on the table. I tried to look at Clem, I truly did. I miss seeing her smile or how she looked when she was happy.
"Do you… want kids?" I asked her and I could feel her looking at me.
"I mean… after you're done with school of course." I tell her.
"Are you asking if I want to do that IVF?" she asked and I nod.
"I mean I think the best option would be to adopt but if you want a baby… then I'll get the surgery, and… if it works." I trail off and fiddled with the napkin a bit.
"You'll get the surgery if I have a baby?" she asked.
"I mean… I might get it if we adopt… I'd like to see our kid at least." I tell her honestly.
"…After I finish school." She tells me and I nod. We agreed than, I would get the surgery when she finished school, and then we would try and have a kid, but we would adopt a child as well in case it didn't work. I would at least be there to help her and not just a mess if she gets depressed. When we got home, we explained to her family what was going to happen, and I also called my mom and told her what might happen in the next few years. She was happy and I was happy. Every night before we went to bed we would have our little chats, we haven't gone to bed angry like we promised, and even though it was a long way away we would talk about baby names.
"Come on Violet really?" Clem laughed as I was laying on my back on the couch and she was laying on me.
"What? Violet Junior, best name to give our future daughter." I say and she laughed.
"Come on, pick a different name." She says and I smirk.
"Clementine-."
"We are not naming the baby after me either." She says and I laughed at this as does she.
"Come on, Clem Junior, she'd be a bad ass just like her mom." I say and she placed her hand on my stomach and I smile a bit.
"Oh so you're the dad?" She asked and I nod.
"Hell yeah, Dad Violet, no, no, Papa Violet, I like that better." I tell her and I hear her sigh a bit.
"Papa Violet, and Mama Clem." I tell her and she kissed my cheek as she gets up.
"Ok Papa Violet, we can finish this later but I have to go to school." She tells me and I sit up on the couch. I hold her hand gently and she stopped and I pull her to me. My face was on her stomach and I hug her close to me and we stayed like this for a bit.
"I love you Clem." I tell her.
"I love you too." She tells me and I nod as this. She heads on out and I look to see two ducks coming up on the couch and I laughed at this and helped them up. I get up and walk around a bit so I could get better at walking around the house. The fact that I could lose my other eye with the surgery, it's best if I have a mental map now then later. I stopped by my old room and I open it up a bit. I go over to the bed and I take a seat. I tried to look around but I knew there was no point, so I lay in the bed and closed my eyes for what was suppose to be a short while.