"I'm not playing cards with him. No fucking way." Carl said, the lit cigarette in his mouth threatening to fall out at every word. "He's a fucking cheat, he's a fucking liar. I ain't doing it, no - no you shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up right now."
"He won't cause he's a lowly coward who-"
"You wanna get hit Gordon? Huh? You wanna get fucking-" He didn't finish his sentence but instead grabbed his nearby ash tray and threw it's contents onto Gordon who recoiled back in disgust. "You fucking play him." He said, watching as Gordon instead ducked away from the tables, wiping the ashes from his suit as he ran off to the nearest restroom to wash his now soot covered face.
In the corner of the mess hall the group of friends had gathered around for one last meal together. Tomorrow was the big day and they had all decided to take one last day to hang out together. No talk of the looming water crisis, no raging against the bureaucracy that refused to act, and not a single mention of the Overseer. It was just a bunch of friends being idiots together for one last time.
"Come on Carl, he's not that bad." Said Lyle as he shuffled the deck.
"Not that bad? Look at him, look at that fucking smirk of his. He's a fucking cheat and I don't fuck with that. No." He said, stuffing his cigarette into the now empty ashtray.
"It's not cheating Carl, it's just-" Albert started to give an explanation that was quickly cut off.
"It's just being a fucking cheater. It's every time, every time with this shit you dumb fucks are all like 'No no he can't win this time.' Motherfucker's gonna walk away with the whole pot, guaran-fucking-tee it." Carl said angrily.
"Carl, are you simply incapable of not swearing in every sentence?" asked the breathy voice of Patty as she approached the table flanked by Daryle who was looking over the group with a slight look of disgust on his face. He had never liked anyone in that particular gathering so his approach was obviously not by his own choice
"Absolutely not. I fucking swear it's a habit of mine. Like I didn't learn in school or something. But if you wanna give me some lessons in manners I'll be the best goddamn student you ever had, miss D." Carl said, wiggling his eyebrows at Patty.
"Carl you're about to get hit if you don't shut your mouth." Warned Daryle.
"Oh am I now- fuck!" He shouted as he was slapped across the back of his head by Lyle, who had scarcely took his eyes off the cards
"He warned ya." Said Lyle as he finished the shuffle with a flourish. "Miss Delaney, Mister Porter. Care to join us?" He asked them both in a flat tone.
"No, I'm not dumb enough to try and play cards against Albert." Said Patty as she watched Gordon shuffle away to wash off the ash that covered his face.
"I thought you said you don't believe in luck?" Daryle asked with a scoff.
"It's not luck, he's a cheat." Patty replied, her remark bringing a satisfied grin to Carl's face.
"See? See? Smartest gal in the whole vault knows it too." He said before resting his chin on the palm of his hand. "We're so alike you and I. Why don't you ditch the caveman here and we can have long talks about how Albert's a cheating son of a bitch."
"You're on thin ice buddy." Daryle warned, taking a rather forceful step towards the table.
"Settle down boys." Lyle chastised. "Let's not ruin Albert's last day here with some fighting, you two can kill each other after he leaves tomorrow."
"Just as long as I get the security footage." Said Albert as Lyle started to deal out the card. "Since Carl's a coward, you wanna take a shot here Daryle?" Albert asked, motioning to the empty seat with his eyes.
"What's the game?" Daryle asked with a confidant smirk as he took the empty seat.
"Just regular ass blackjack." Answered Lyle as he dealt a hand to Daryle after the bearded man gave him a nod, accepting the invitation.
"Look at that, no fear. You shoulda stayed in the Vault Scouts, Carl. You coulda picked up a thing or two from them." Said Albert.
"No reason for fear. I doubt you're actually the best card player in the Vault." Daryle said with a hint of venom in his need to compete rising with the challenge. "So let's see if you measure up to the rumors.
"Oh our boy measures up alright." Said Carl with a scoff. "Fuck's got too long a streak for it to all be talk. Though I do wish there was less talking about it. Get him started and he goes off like he's got the biggest dick in the vault."
"Second biggest." Albert corrected. "Long Dick Johnson's got himself a footer."
"It is not that big." Daryle scoffed.
"Long Dick Johnson's long johnson? Oh it's fucking big." Said Carl with a chuckle. "Heard he passed out last he got a hard on for too long."
"That is not true." Daryle said, looking back to Patty for confirmation.
"I just treated him for the wound from the fall, I'm not gonna say what caused it." She replied with a shrug.
"Long Johnson's long johnson's the stuff of fucking legend." Nodded Carl.
"Heard he slapped a kid with it once." Said Lyle with a look of disgust on his face.
"Yeah knocked the poor fucker out cold from what I heard." Said Carl with a laugh.
"No, the kid ran into him in the showers and just… got a facefull." Answered Albert.
"That poor kid." Patty remarked with a sigh of pity. "Who was it?"
"Some poor fucker who's likely never to tell about it." Shrugged Carl.
"No… he told me." Albert sighed. "It was Max."
"Max Stone?" A number of voices cried out at once.
"Yup. He was nine, got finished in the showers, started running out and Long Dick Johnson turned and wacked him in the face with it."
"Holy fuck… That shit probably fucked him up for life.. Explains some shit though." Said Carl with a solemn tone before he looked over at Patty. "Hey Doc, did Long Dick Johnson's long johnson make Max a retard?"
"Carl!" Patty yelled angrily. "Max isn't.. He's slow, alright? He's not mentally retarded. He is smart just not.. In the ways we prefer him to be." Patty said, shooting a rather spiteful glare at Carl.
"I'm just saying blunt force trauma and all. I'd be a little fucked in the head if I got slapped by Long Dick Johnson's long johnson."
"I mean who wouldn't really?" Daryle asked with a look of disgust.
"Ask your mother, she seems to be doing alright." Carl muttered out the side of his mouth.
Daryle rose up from his seat in anger but was quickly yanked back down by Patty. "Chill." She hissed at him.
"This talk of another man's genitals has gone on long enough, thank you." Lyle said, hating every second of the current topic.
"About as long as Long Johnson's long johnson really." Nodded Carl, looking rather smug at not having gotten the previous dig out without retaliation.
"Albert, can we trade? I wanna go outside and die of exposure now."
"No can do." Albert said to Lyle. "Besides, might not even be going tomorrow if Jacoren has anything to say about it.
"You are NOT waiting an extra week." Said Patty through her teeth.
"Why's he want you to wait a week?" Asked Carl.
"Thinks it would be fun if we set it up so my scheduled return is christmas day. Wants to dress me up like Santa when I bring in the waterchip." Albert explained. The statement hung in the air like a poison gas they were all afraid to breathe in. The Overseer was putting theatrics over their lives. His only real contribution to the entire ordeal.
After a few moments of silence that hung in the air Carl finally broke it. "Are we sure it wasn't the overseer who got slapped by a dick and made a retard?"
The rest of the evening went on pleasantly enough, allowing Albert the satisfaction of soundly beating Daryle in more than a few rounds of cards. Albert had even been nice and stopped counting the cards for a few matches but Daryle's ego made him a far from graceful winner. With some proper sleight of hand tricks and an eye for details, Albert was a terror at any card table and was never hesitant to deploy any of those tricks when a chance at winning something was on the line.
By the time he was home, his parents and grandmother had already retired for the night. They had been out celebrating as well and undoubtedly ignoring the water rations as was most of the vault as tomorrow wasn't just the day that the vault doors opened for the first time, but also when the water rations would be strictly enforced by law. Jacoren it seemed was intent on enacting martial law to keep the citizens in line while Albert was out retrieving the waterchip. They supposed even the most spoiled of the vault's inhabitants would be able to handle a few weeks of the uncomfortable lifestyle they would have to take on. Albert couldn't help but curse their luck. He was still replaying the night of the meeting in his mind, kicking himself as he was sure someone else would have volunteered for this job and he wouldn't have to risk his life for them. He could stay inside and suffer a little less water for a couple weeks before the problem was fixed and could just be a fun little memory that the vault could bond over.
Stepping into his room he quickly unzipped his vault suit down to his waist and pulled it the rest of the way off. Clad in his white undershirt and boxers he let out a sigh as he flipped on the lights and looked around his room, taking it all in for what could very possibly be his last night there. The small set of shelves that he kept some toys from his youth as well as comics and books propped up on, his dresser and belongings, the posters up on the wall of comic characters and a few pin ups hidden away in less than obvious places. Glancing over at the bed, his vault-boy sheet and blanket set were neatly spread across it, the blonde haired figure giving a thumbs up and a wink with a happy go lucky smile printed onto the sheet that half covered the black haired woman beneath them.
Albert lifted his foot up and brought his vault suit within his reach, taking hold of it he placed it into the laundry shoot where it would be sent to the washers who would have it cleaned and ready first thing in the morning.
And then something registered in his brain. His head turned so quickly he could swear he heard it pop as he looked at the woman in his bed. The woman who was watching him with that coy smirk of hers. "Natalia, what the fuck are you doing?" He asked her as he took the two steps over to his bed and ripped the sheets off of her. He quickly threw them back over her and turned to face the wall as the full sight of her was revealed. "Aaand you're naked."
"Oh sorry. It was just too comfy here." She said in her slight accent, the smile on her face now brighter as she stretched leisurely atop the bed after pulling the sheets down past her face..
"It… it is but why are you in *my* bed?" He asked with his back turned to her.
Natalia let out a throaty chuckle. "You really thought I was going to let you go without saying goodbye?"
"No but you can do that perfectly fine with your clothes on, thanks."
She let out a groan of frustration as a Russian swear escaped her. "Ti Durak. Really? Even now, on what could be your last night here you're going to push me away?"
"Doc said I need a good night's rest."
"You're going to be tossing and turning all night like a kid before Christmas." She said irritably.
"Sure am, and I'd like to do that on my lonesome if you don't mind." He retorted equally as irritably.
"I do mind actually." She said with a huff as she threw off the covers and hopped to her feet. "Albert, look at me."
"Once you put some clothes on, then sure." He waited with his body turned away from her for a few moments before he could hear the sound of her footsteps moving closer towards him. His mouth opened to speak just as her arms wrapped around his stomach as she pulled him against her while she rested her chin on his shoulder.
"I don't want to leave you alone." She said softly. "The whole vault is more than happy to throw you out by yourself and that doesn't sit well with me."
Albert let out a noise of frustration. "It's fine. Look, better it be me than someone else."
"Pizdobol." She scoffed. "You're not the type to be the hero Albert and you know it. This is all one big lie you can't weasel your way out of. If you had really pulled the straw you would have tried pawning it off to the person next to you."
"That's not true. Look, Sally was right there. You really think I would have given the straw to her?"
"I think you would do anything it took to keep your ass safe from harm. You lie, you cheat, anything to put yourself above everyone else." She said as she pressed herself up against his back. "But that's fine. We both know I'm far worse than you ever could be. It's why it really could never work out between us." She said with a shrug.
"Then what are you doing here?" He asked her.
"Not trying to get with you, just trying to fuck you." She said simply. "To get it out of our systems before you go off and become the hero of the Vault. You'll come back and have the pick of the litter as they say, it's fine by me really. But I can't be the only girl in the vault who hasn't been dicked down by you."
"You're not!"
She let out a chuckle. "Just about. The fact that you don't have twenty little Albert juniors running around is a testament to the Vault's birth control." She said before releasing her hold on him and stepped back towards the bed. "
"Look, I'm really not in the mood right now." Said Albert. "So just stop okay? Nothing is going to happen here alright? No way, no how." He said, finally turning in the hopes that she was putting her clothes on, instead he caught full sight of her nude form crawling across his bed. Her round, bare ass raised up as she looked over her shoulder at him with an arched eyebrow.
"No?"
"Yes, yes, yes, yeeeesss!" Natalia's voice hitched as the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the small room. Albert's groan chased after her own before he collapsed on top of her, the two of them sweating and panting for breath, his own hot against her neck as his fingers dug into the skin of her waist.
"Fuck… you." He panted through his teeth.
"Whenever you're ready." She answered with a breathless laugh. A laugh that ended in a soft moan as Albert slipped out and off of her and flopped onto his side with a huff.
"How the hell… did that just happen?" He groaned out his question up at the ceiling.
"Well you see. When a man and a woman think each other are very attractive-"
"Stop… talking. I said no. I made up my mind and said no. So how the fuck did that happen?" He asked, wiping his face before he looked over to Natalia in complete and utter confusion.
Natalia gave a laugh, crossing her arms in front of her and resting her chin on her hands as she watched him. "How does it feel? Knowing that you're not the greatest manipulator in the Vault anymore? That I hold that title now?"
Albert let out a chuckle. "You're thinking real highly of yourself there. You just caught me at a weird time. Whatever." He said with a shake of his head. "It was a one time thing. This doesn't mean anything."
"Oh you're half right. This doesn't mean we're a couple or anything. Like I said, we'd be awful together. Buuut…"
"But what?" He asked as she rolled over to her side and faced him with a grin. "You're going to fuck me again." He hated that she was right about that, but didn't see any use in complaining.
Worn out and too tired to worry about anything, Albert fell into a deep sleep that lasted well into the morning, waking only to the hiss of the door closing and the sudden shift in weight as Natalia threw herself knees first onto the bed. A loud crispy crunch followed as she bit into an apple plucked from the kitchen fridge. "Rise and shine mister hero."
"The hero wants more sleep." Albert groaned against his pillow.
"You'll be late to your own sendoff if you do."
"That's fine. They can come drag me away." He said as he shuffled against the soft fabric of his pillow, enjoying the sensation while he could.
"As funny as that would be, I don't think that's the best option right now." Natalia said as she slid off the bed. While not fully clothed, she at least had a shirt and panties on to preserve what little bit of modesty she still possessed. Although Albert couldn't help but notice just how tight the cloth was against her skin and how much of her anatomy it showed off. She had a lean and well toned figure and while her figure wasn't as shapely as some of the other women of the vault it was still pleasing to the eyes of the still half asleep Albert. It was almost enough to make him regret not getting with her sooner.
Letting out a groan he pulled his blankets over his head to block out the light and sight of her as she went about putting her vault suit back on. Zipping the suit up she let out a chuckle and gave his shoulder a pat. "You'll disappoint the family too. They're planning an impressive breakfast for you." She said as she moved to the door.
"Wait… how do you know?" He asked, quickly pulling the blankets off his head to look at her.
"Well, they all got a good look at my ass when I got this." She said with a wicked grin as she bit into the apple. With the press of a button the door hissed open and she started to step outside. "See you at the send off lover boy." She said with a wink before finally walking out.
Left alone Albert stared at the door for a minute or two before collapsing back into his pillow. He took his time getting up and dressing himself, both dreading what was waiting for him out there and wanting to savor the comfort of his bed. He would be sleeping rough for the next two weeks so he intended to enjoy it as long as he could.
When he finally stepped out of his room he let out a low sigh at the sight of his family gathered around the table, a full breakfast set out in front of them and each one of them giving him very different looks ranging from the disapproving scowl of his mother, the slight surprise of his father, and the barely contained amusement of his grandmother all greeting him. "So…. have a good night?" Asked Dean.
"Uhhh. You know." Albert said as he took his seat. "Was a little worn out so pretty good."
"Oh I bet you were." His grandmom laughed as his mom shot daggers at her.
"This isn't funny." She snapped quickly before turning to Albert. "Albert, I try to keep my nose out of your love life-."
"And do a real bad job of it, case in point." Albert interrupted her as he pulled his plate of pancakes towards him and drowned it in syrup.
"But this one I can't keep quiet on. I don't approve. You could have any girl in the vault, but not her. I will not stand for it."
"Yeah I really don't wanna talk about this right now." He said before taking a bite from his plate.
"Well that's too darn bad! This is your future we're talking about here and I won't let some.. Some commie hussy ruin it for you!"
"She's not a commie mom. Relax. Besides we're not dating, she just… didn't want me to be alone last night."
"Well I like her, always have." His grandmother chimed in. "She's a right little firecracker that one. She locked Richard Johnson out of his house once and left him with nothing but a wash rag for modesty. What a sight that was."
"We do not mention that man's name in this unit. He once slapped a child in the face with his… manhood." Jane said in a hushed whisper
"He didn't slap someone, Max ran into it." Albert corrected her.
"Max ran into Richard Johnson's long johnson?" His dad spoke up, looking shocked at the news. "No wonder he's so troubled."
"Getting hit in the face with Richard's johnson won't turn someone stupid, trust me." Miranda said to Dean. "I dated Richard for a while before I got with your father and I've had that willy smack against every part of me!"
"Mom!" Dean cried out.
"This is the exact sort of thing I'm trying to avoid! That type of behavior has no place at the table." Jane cried out angrily.
"Oh hush. You're just mad that she reminds you of a certain someone." Miranda said with a knowing smirk.
Meeting Miranda's gaze Jane busied herself with her cup of coffee. "They are nothing alike." She said before taking a sip.
"You're right." Miranda nodded. "Dean had a whole cell designated just for him, meanwhile Natalia's never seen the inside of one."
"Wait what?" Albert shot his dad a look of surprise and confusion.
"We are NOT talking about that!" Yelled Jane at the top of her voice.
"Yes we are, what is she talking about?" Asked Albert, looking between his grandmother and dad for answers.
"That's a story for another time kiddo." Dean said after giving his wife a fearful look. "It would take too long today and hold you up. Maybe I'll tell you when you get back." He said dismissively.
"You'll tell him never." Jane snapped back. "He doesn't need his head filled with any of that nonsense and that's final." Now can we please just enjoy a nice breakfast? I worked far too hard on this to let bad table manners ruin it."
"Yeah. Sorry mom." Albert said as he settled back in his seat. The rest of the meal was pleasant enough. His family doing the best they could to keep the morning as light-hearted as they could. For all their faults and his own complaints about them, Albert was glad to have them as a family and when the time came he was reluctant to leave them.
"It's about time for you to head down to medical huh?" His dad said after checking the time on his pip-boy.
"Yeah.. yeah" Albert said nervously. The weight of what was about to happen finally settling in.
Dean gave him a sympathetic smile. "Come on." He said. "I'll walk you down there." He said as he rose to his feet.
"Okay, sounds good." Albert said as he slowly rose from his chair. Taking his time he went back to his room to grab his bag. He had been allowed room for some personal items and decided on a few books and magazines. Despite knowing he wouldn't have too much time for leisure he still felt like he'd regret not taking them just in case. His mom had also insisted that he take a few old photos with him as well in case he got home sick. With one last look at his room he shut off the lights and followed his dad out of their living unit. His mom and Grandmother had stayed behind to clean up but they would see him at the send off in a few hours.
The walk was a quiet and slow one. Despite spending his whole life in the halls of the Vault he could swear he was picking out details that he had never noticed before, A crack here, a patched hole there, new paint mixing in with the old. The knowledge that he was leaving was building a panic inside of him as they walked together. His steps faltered at every turn but every time his dad would simply stop and look back at him with a soft smile, giving him time to catch back up.
After what seemed like an eternity they reached the elevator and rode it up to the uppermost level where the medical wing was located. As the two stood there, the air was filled only with the hum of the elevator and the Muzak from the nearby speaker. Eventually Dean broke the silence and rocked Albert to his core.
"I served the third longest prison sentence in the Vault's history before I met your mother."
"You what?" Albert couldn't believe his ears. Dean was as straight laced as they came. The thought of him being in prison for any length of time was absurd. "Why?"
"Well… Me and a couple friends hatched ourselves a plan, and locked Jacoren out of his office, took over the Vault announcement system and blared out punk rock music for about 3 hours. Had a standoff with security and everything." He said with a smirk on his face.
"What… the hell?" Albert said with a laugh. "Bullshit."
"Not at all. You remember Walter Briggins? How he only had one foot? About two hours into it they had managed to hack the door controls and got it open enough that Walter was going to set up a jack under it to push it up the rest of the way. Well even back then your old man was the best computer wiz in the whole vault. I managed to lock them out from their side and shut it close, the whole thing came down and part of his foot was underneath it."
"Yeah… Yeah I remember him. Explains why he hated you I guess."
"Mmhmm. Him and most of the old security crew. That little standoff almost turned into a riot. After Walter's foot got crushed he was out for blood. We were pretty sure they were gonna kill us when they got in. A couple of our friends on the outside came and were ready to throw down with the security forces and we had the intercoms and were just egging them all on." Dean explained. "Cooler heads prevailed in the end though. We didn't have enough food to stay in there forever so we gave ourselves up."
Looking at his dad with new found wonder, Albert shook his head and laughed. "Oh man. Yeah I can see why they shut you away. How long was it for?" He asked, curious to know what the damage was. Despite being an honorary member of the Vault's security force, Albert had never been allowed access to the security records themselves. This was just one of countless times that he cursed that fact.
"Oh at first we were all just let go. Jacoren didn't have us arrested at first. He only wanted to deal with one crisis at a time. Which uhh… gave us the chance to begin part two of our plot." He said with a sheepish grin.
"It gets better?" Albert asked with a smirk.
"We broke in to get pictures from the Overseer's private security footage. I made a copy of it, scrolled through to find the perfect picture and by that time tomorrow, we had printed out and put up pictures of Jacoren's ass all throughout the vault."
The elevator stopped and let out a loud ding as it reached their destination.
"You did not." Albert said in amazement.
"Did so. You can do a lot wrong in the vault and just get a stern talking to or maybe get a few days in the jail cell but to commit a crime against the Overseer is to commit a crime against the whole Vault itself. I personally got five years for that. Third longest in the Vault's history."
It made sense that would have been considered long. In times before the Vault such a sentence may not have been considered all that long, but to feed a person and deprive the vault of their working hands for so long was a strain the vault rarely wanted to deal with. Most punishments were given out in forms of public humiliation or extra workloads. Being locked away in one of the cells was saved for only the worst offenses like assault, murder, and the spread of communist propaganda.
"Funny enough though it was the best thing that ever happened to me." Dean continued as they exited the elevator. "It's how me and your mother got to know each other. She did some volunteer work and delivered my lunches every other day. She got me on the straight and narrow and once I got out, I asked her to marry me." He said with a smile.
"Why have I never heard about any of this before? You only ever talk about work or something mom did."
"I've got a wonderful wife who made me a better man, a job that is useful and I can thrive in, and I've got an amazing son that I'm proud of. What else would I ever want to talk about?"
Albert stared down at the host of equipment that lay on the table for him. Inside the examination room it was mostly quiet with only him and Doctor Frobisher occupying the clean, white room.
"Alright," Began the doctor. "Two weeks of non-perishable foods and water, with a healthy dosage of IV fluid to substitute. One bag and one bottle a day, understand? Your meals will come straight out of these here ration bags, straight from the good ole' U. S. of A." He said, showing the bags to Albert as he packed them into the large backpack.
"Remember MRE's gave our boys the strength to fight back the commies in the great war, all the vitamins and nutrients that you need." He said proudly. "Speaking of vitamins, I've got you a bottle there as well. First aid kit." He said holding up the small bag in question. "Stimpaks, Rad-X and Radaways. The three essentials to keeping yourself alive. Now remember, one dosage of Rad-X every six hours to keep the radiation up there from melting your face off." He said as he stuffed the pill bottles into Albert's first aid kit. "Now you've had a stimpak before right?"
"Uhh, yeah. Really didn't like it." Albert answered grimly, the feeling of his flesh fusing itself back together was not a sensation that he would like to ever feel again.
"You'll like it better than suffering a nasty cut and bleeding to death. You'll also like the adrenaline rush that'll follow. Just be sure you're ready for the crash that'll hit after." He said packing them into the kit. "Now against my better judgment I'm also giving you a few doses of Med-X as well. Do not take this unless you've actually broken something and the stims aren't fixing it fully. Last thing you want is to turn into an addict up there without any way of getting more."
Next he set down a weapon. "And this is to keep you from needing any of that due to any less than friendly occupants of the outside."
The Colt 6520 was the standard issue weapon of vault security. A 10mm pistol with an unusual operating system. Due to a miscommunication between the designers and manufacturers, it was a magazine loaded, twelve shot revolver. With most magazine loaded guns reloading was as simple as replacing the old magazine with a new one, the 6520 however was a more complicated system that required the cylinders to be cycled for the inner workings to feed the rounds into the gun's cylinders.
"You know how to work one of these right?" Dr Frobisher asked.
Albert gave him a nod. "Yeah, took a training course a few years back when I was thinking of joining the security force for real." Albert explained. "You sure I'm gonna need that though?"
"Best medicine's preventatives in my book." Dr Frobisher said grimly.
The door opened with a loud hiss as Patty made her way into the room followed by the hovering form of one of the vault's Mister Handys.
"Doctor Delaney. We were just finishing up. Mister Cole here's ready as he'll ever be." Frobisher said with a smile.
"Not quite. I got him some extras that might give him a better chance at coming back." Patty said before tossing Albert a small bag. Inside were an assortment of bottles, container, and a strange sort of syringe that strapped around the arm. "Congrats Albert. We've only really been talking for a few weeks and you've made me into a drug dealer. Hope you can live with yourself." She said dryly.
"In the bottle, Buffout." Patty continues. "Fast acting steroid that'll keep you running for longer than you normally could. You'll get hooked but you've got fifty pills in there so you should be alright. We can worry about getting you clean when we're not under threat of running out of water. Next up, Mentats. It'll keep your brain focused and keep your emotions in check. Once it wears off though you'll want to take a hard nap, that's when you down a buffout and run your ass off for the next five miles."
"Nice, just load me full of chems and hope they don't kill me huh?" Albert said with a chuckle.
"That's the plan. Now pay attention. This last one." She said pointing out the syringe. "Do not take this. This right here? This will kill you. Your heart will literally explode in your chest, so do not take this." She said with a steely gaze that showed she meant business. "The only time I want you to even think about taking it, is if you're about to die. If you're out of food or water and you're a day away or something. If you run into something that you're pretty sure is going to kill you, only then. When you take it, you will run, you will fight, you will rage regardless of what is in front of you, then you'll collapse and likely die. They didn't call it Psycho because they thought it sounded cool, it's because that's what it'll turn you into."
"Got it, don't do drugs kids." Albert said with a nod as he put the bag into his much larger pack.
"No, I'm telling you to do drugs, just not that particular one. Also, just because I'm so nice. I got you another present. Managed to convince the Overseer to let someone else go out with you." She said as she crossed her arms and propped herself up against the wall.
"Wait what? Someone's coming with me?" Albert asked, not quite believing what he was hearing. The Overseer thought it big enough of a risk with only one person going, him agreeing to allow another was unthinkable. A list of names appeared in Albert's head of who all he hoped it could be, some were just for good company but others for their skills, and Patty was right up there at the top. "So… who is it?"
Patty gave him a slight smirk that raised his hopes. "I mean there's really only one choice right? Dangerous environment with risk of serious harm every step of the way. You're gonna need someone who can take care of themselves and you as well. So naturally, I got Jacoren to agree to let me loan you Rocketon here for your trip." She said tapping on the metallic hull of the Mr. Handy that had followed her into the room.
"Mister Cole," Began the floating robot in its british tone of metallic voice, "I want you to know that I shall do my utmost best to insure that your mission is a successful one. The very thought of any harm coming to anyone living here sends terror through every circuit."
Albert stared at the robot for a few moments before speaking. "The… robot? I'm going with a robot?"
"Well of course! It's perfect, he doesn't eat, sleep, drink, anything. He can carry a good portion of your supplies for you and he won't be slowed down by any terrain. And old Rocket here's had a good deal of medical programming over the years so he'll be able to give you first aid if you ever need it." She said, looking more pleased with herself than Albert had ever seen her. It was cute really. Though she often wore a 'don't fuck with me' sort of scowl when she was around him, the few times she showed excitement or happiness were memorable affairs.
"Oh come now Doctor." Rocketon said bashfully. "What little I know pales in comparison to your wealth of knowledge. I can only hope that what little I do know will suffice."
"It will, don't you worry about that." Patty said, giving Rocketon an affectionate rub on his metallic hull. "And to tell the truth, you're mostly going to be serving as an extra backpack." She said before turning her attention back to Albert. "Frobisher can wave around his charts all he wants to, you're gonna need a few more gallons of water than what you can carry. So we're going to fix a few satchels onto Rocket here for him to carry the extra water." She said before turning back to Rocket. "Sound good to you?"
"Doctor Delaney, in service of the Vault there is no task too big or small for me to refuse. My programming simply wouldn't allow it ha ha. Why, despite my self preservation protocols wanting me to flee in terror, they simply can't override my primary function of serving the Vault in every way possible regardless of the risk!" Rocket said cheerfully.
"Yeah you and me both bud." Albert said dryly.
"Ten minutes to send off' Blared the announcement over the intercom. Albert had only expected a few people but quickly felt like an idiot for doing so. The whole damn Vault had turned up instead to give him a heroes send off.
"We'll all be praying for you, Albert." Said Clancy, the vault's chaplain. The round faced man held out a bible that was filled with sticky notes to Albert. "We had a little project you see, the congregation went through and picked out some verses they felt would give you strength and peace during your journey."
Taking a look at the well tabbed book Albert let out a chuckle as he took it. "Think they just went and stickied the whole thing."
"Looks like it yeah. Well, guess you'll be spoiled for choice then huh?" He said, giving Albert a pat on the shoulder. "We're all praying for your safe return. For our sake as well as yours."
"Oh I'll definitely be alright then." Albert said as he put the sticky note filled bible into one of his packs many pockets. "Lord above and the Vault below, can always count on them, am I right?" He said, echoing his dad's proverb.
"Like I always say." said Clancy with a grin.
Fighting his way through a sea of well wishers, Albert was suddenly grabbed by his suit and tugged through a line of folks and into the lung crushing embrace of Max Stone. "You come back with water okay?" The man's deep voice rumbled shakily as tears began to form in his large eyes.
"Ah this fucker'll be alright Max." Came the voice of Carl who latched onto Albert as well. "He's gonna come back as fucking hero!"
"Not if you don't strangle him first." Said Melvin as he tried to pull the younger men off of Albert. "Here. Got you something you might like better than the good book." He said, passing Albert a holotape. "Figured you'd like a little bit of music so I got you the best we have to offer here, and a little bit we're not supposed to let air." He said with a sly grin.
"Oh shit. Thanks man." Albert said just as Melvin pulled him into a rib crushing hug of his own.
"You come back in one piece, you hear me?" Melvin said with his mouth pressed against Albert's shoulder.
Before Albert could respond another set of arms wrapped around him as Carl once again crushed him from behind. "Oh you fucker." Albert coughed as Carl cackled in his ear. He couldn't help but let out a laugh as well as he did his best to wrap his arms around the two that he began this horrible crisis with.
"Damn Albert, Didn't peg you for the middle of that threeway." Said Natalia as she aimed a camera at the trio and took a picture, the bright flash blinding everyone nearby.
"Yeah yeah, shut up." Albert said as he untangled himself from his friends.
The film filed out from the camera and Natialia wordlessly passed it onto Albert with nothing but a smirk. They had said all they needed to the previous night.
"Two minutes till send off!"
He stood now at the front of the room, the large, gearlike vault doors directly ahead. Patty made her way up flanked by Rocketon. "Alright, this is it. You ready?"
"Nope."
"You've got the gear, you've got directions, you got your help, and all of the vault rooting for you." She said with a soft smile. "You don't need anything else."
"You say that." He said before looking at her, taking in the view one last time. "Maybe a kiss for luck?" He asked, knowing it would do no harm.
She let out a scoff. "Don't believe in it."
"One minute to send off. Please clear the ramp area!"
"Could be the last time you ever see me." He insisted.
"Hmm, wouldn't wanna ruin the moment then." She said before giving Rocketon a pat and walked away. "Come back with that chip then we'll talk." She called out with a playful smirk.
The alarms sounded, pulling his attention to the doors. His heart pounded in his chest and his feet wanted him to turn and run. "You with me Rocket?"
"Of course sir."
The company of the robot did nothing for his nerves. His throat tightened, he felt his legs shake, and fingers tremble. His breathing came in shudders and then the countdown truly began.
"Ten…. Nine… Eight."
"Oh fuck no." He swore under his breath. He was really doing this. His knee bent, threatening to buckle or worse turn him away.
"Seven… Six."
Then a cheer went out, and the cry of a familiar voice hardened his revolve.
"THAT'S MY BOY! THAT'S MY SON!"
Turning back at the crowd he saw Dean Cole jumping and hollering like a mad man, face beaming with pride as he cheered. His mom standing next to Dean looked embarrassed but even her constant need to look prim and proper could stop the tears from falling and ruining her make-up. And there behind them with a warm smile was his grandmom waving at him and laughing at her son's antics. Around them stood the rest of the Vault, friends and family he had come to know and care for all cheering for him. And there in front of the crowd stood Jacoren, looking on with a prideful yet solemn smile. In an instant their cries were drowned out by the shriek of metal on metal, as the Vault door opened and rolled aside.
Looking ahead, Albert sucked in a breath and stepped forward into the decontamination chamber that would lead him to the outside. Once past the first door he stopped and looked back at his family and friends, watching them as the alarms rang and once again the large gearlike door began to roll shut. And as they shouted his name and cheered him onwards, they all watched as Albert Cole took on the image of their beloved Vault-Boy, and gave them all a smile and a thumbs up as the door closed behind him.