(Violet's Pov)
I was looking at Clementine as we were in the hospital, it was a early in the morning maybe a few hours before she had to give birth and they wanted her here to be monitored. Currently Clementine and I were walking around the room to try and induce labor or something, I wasn't paying attention at the moment just wanting to help Clementine.
"Have you…. Have you called Lee and them?" She asked as we walked a bit.
"Not yet Darlin' I will once you're back in the bed but right now, I'm helping you." I tell her. We had left the house in a bit of a hurry that we didn't wake up Lee or Carley, and it was early in the morning. When she felt to tired to walk, I helped her into the bed and she laid there and I kissed her head gently.
"I'm going to go make that call, ok? and then I'll be right back…. Need me to call grandma and grandpa?" I asked her and she nods a bit.
"Please." She says tired and I nod as I kissed her head again and head on out to make that call. Once done Lee said he will go get his parents and I had called up my own mother along with Louis and the others informing them of what is going on. They were excited and said they will get there as soon as they could. I told them not to rush but Clem and I would greatly appreciate them coming. I then head back to the room and the nurse was checking on Clementine.
"Alright, you're at the halfway point." She tells Clem who nods.
"This sucks." Clem says and I chuckled as I go over to her.
"It'll be ok." I tell her.
"I'm going to break your damn hand." She tells me and I nod.
"Noted." I say and we laughed a little.
"Well, you're lucky to have a supportive husband, most the time the men don't even stay in the room and help their wives." The nurse says and I just looked to Clementine. It would be hours upon hours before she was seen again. They told her she was getting close to give birth and I would rub her head gently. When the nurse left, Clem would look to me a bit and I look to her.
"Everything ok?" I asked and she nods just a little.
"Just… just a little scared but… happy." She tells me and I nod as I take a seat next to her and hold her hand.
"Lee and them should be here soon, they said they would be here after AJ was done with class… boy wanted to go tell everyone in his class his baby nieces are coming today." I tell her and she laughed at this.
"Glad he's excited." She says and I hold her hand a little tighter.
"Aren't you?" I asked.
"Oh, I am… just… again still scared." She tells me.
"Well, what can I do to help?" I asked her.
"Just you being here makes me feel a lot better." She Says and I kissed her gently on the lips and she kissed me back. When we pulled apart, I looked at her and rubbed the back of her hand gently. Lee and the others had shown up and they were chatting with Clementine for a bit. That was until it was time for her to get ready. They said I could stay in the room and the others had to leave and through the whole process I was with her. And damn she almost broke my hand as she yelled at me. I grimaced a bit at the pain but I knew she was in a lot of pain. But she did it. Our girls were healthy and currently sleeping in their little cribs. I was looking down at them and I couldn't take my eyes off them.
"They're so small." I say as I look to them.
"They're beautiful too." I hear and look to Carley and I nod and looked back to the girls. They had a lighter skin tone than Clementine, and they some curly hair but not as curly as hers. They hadn't opened their eyes much but I was told they had my eyes. I couldn't help but smile at them. I then hear Clementine move a bit in her bed and I go over to her as she opened her eyes a bit.
"Hey there, you doing, ok?" I asked and she nods a bit.
"Still tired." She says quietly and I nod and then kissed her head.
"You hungry?" I asked and she nods a bit.
"Alright I'll get you something to eat, Carley, can you watch her?" I asked and her mom nods and I head on out. I run into Lee as him and his mother were also getting something to eat with AJ.
"Hey how are you?" Lee asked.
"Other than a sore hand? I'm great… Clem is still tired." I tell them as I grabbed her some food.
"Well, she pushed out two babies, she's going to feel tired." Her grandmother says and I chuckled a bit at this.
"Yeah, she was yelling at me, no more kids after this, damn this hurts, fuck you Vinny… the usual." I joke and they laughed.
"We're going to head up to see the babies, see you in a bit." Lee says and I nod and then go up to pay for the food. When I get back, I see Clementine as she was holding one of the twins and I go over to her.
"Hey there Diana." I say but all she does is yawn and Clementine giggles at this.
"Well, aren't you tired?" She asked Diana and I smile I set the food on the tray they had and I kiss Clem on the head. I look to the baby a bit and then the nurse came in. When she did, she let us sign the birth certificates and when we were done, Clementine looked to me and then back down to Diana.
"Grandpa has Lura." She tells me and I nod as I looked to the man as he held the other one. Everyone stayed till visiting hours were over and I was sitting next to Clementine as she fed the kids.
"How you feeling?" I asked Clementine and she looked up to me a bit.
"I'm feeling ok, a little tired, but I'm happy to finally see these two." She says and I smiled a little and I put my hand to her face and she looked to me and she smiled back. When they were done feeding, I took one of the babies and helped burp them, I then laid them in their little cribs and went back over to Clementine as she was eating some of the Jello, they had gotten her.
"Better get some sleep now, I know they're going to wake up again soon." She tells me and I laughed lightly at this.
"You need to sleep too." I tell her and she nods as she finished the Jello and I go over to the reclining chair and I look over to the cribs and then looked to Clementine.
"You ok there Violet?" She asked and I nod a little.
"Yeah, I'm fine, get some sleep." I tell her and she nods as she finally does fall asleep. I look at her more and then back to the babies as I finally shut my eyes and tried to get any sleep I could. Which didn't seem long because we woke up to the sound of one of the babies crying and I quickly get up and head over to the crib.
"Guess you're the loud one hu Lura?" I asked as she cried and I rocked her a bit as I tried to find the diapers just in case.
"Shh, it's ok baby girl, Papa has you." I tell her quietly and that seemed to have settled her down for a bit. I rock her gently and then smelt something awful. I look to Lura and she was sniffling just a little and I changed her diaper like they taught me. Once done she seemed a little calm and I go take a seat back in the chair and laid it back as she laid on my chest. I rubbed her back gently so she could fall asleep, which seemed to work. That is until Diana started to cry as well and I get up. Lura started to cry again as well.
"Hmm, hand me Lura." I hear and I go over to Clem and gently hand the baby too her and I went and tended to Diana. It took over an hour before they both finally settled down and I had them both on my chest and I could hear Clementine giggle at this.
"What?" I whisper so I didn't bother the two sleeping babies.
"Oh nothing… you're taking this parenting thing well." She says and I chuckled a little.
"I am?" I asked as I look to her.
"Oh yes… and they seem to like sleeping on you." She says and I look to the twins and I see them holding each other's hands.
"Clem look." I say and she does and awed at this.
"I get the feeling these two are going to be inseparable." I say as I moved my hand to rub their backs gently.
"They're so small too." I say.
"All newborns are small." She tells me quietly. I knew she was tired and I look to her.
"Get some sleep Darlin' I got them." I tell her and she looked to me a bit then nods and goes right back to sleep. It would be a few days before we got to bring the twin's home. Lee helped me with bringing them in the house since Clem wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy for a while. Once we were settled, we get the babies situated into their cribs and then we go and take a seat in the living room and I lay my head back on the couch.
"Mom will be here tomorrow." I tell Clem and she grabbed my hand gently and nods. I look to her to see her eyes were closed and she looked like she was about to fall asleep. I get up from the couch and I picked her up, instantly she wrapped her arms around my neck and I took her to our room. I lay her on the bed gently and kissed her head as she fell asleep and I head out the room and think of what to do next. I know it would be a good hour before the twins woke up again so I started to work on a light lunch for Clementine. I looked to the clock a bit and right on time the twins started to cry so I go to their room and I picked them up gently and got to work. Changing their diapers and feeding them some of the milk that Clementine had pumped for them. The doctors said to do this just incase Clementine ended up with what they called 'Baby Blues'.
When I was done with the twins, I set them in the little playpen for a short nap and I go to our room to check on Clementine. She was awake but she didn't look so good so I go over to her and she looked to me a bit. I rubbed the back of her head gently and she tried to smile but I know it wasn't a full smile.
"Hey." She says quietly and I smiled a little at her.
"Hey… you feeling ok Clem?" I asked as I kept rubbing the back of her head.
"Hmm… I'm tired but I'm not… hard to sleep." She tells me and I nod and kissed her head gently.
"I made a light lunch for you… want me to bring it to you?" I asked her. She shakes her head a bit and turned in the bed and I look at her back a bit. I then get up and I go get her the food anyways and set it on the nightstand closest to her. I also had a glass of tea for her as well and I kissed her head.
"Please get some sleep darlin'." I whisper to her and she nods a little. My mom would come here the next day and Clementine still seemed a little out of it. I was starting to get worried as I was holding Diana and my mom was holding Lura. I would look over to our room constantly.
"Are you two doing, ok?" I hear and look to my mom.
"I'm fine I'm just… I'm worried about Clementine." I tell her.
"Is something wrong with her? What happened?" My mom asked and I shrugged.
"She's having a little trouble sleeping is all." I tell her and Diana would look up to me and I look to her a bit and smiled. Kat was excited to meet her Nieces and she was talking about all the things they would do together when they got bigger. It was nice to have some company. Lee and Carley are ok but I like the fact that my mom was here, I guess it's cause I'm glad she's finally in my life, and now she gets to be in my kids' life. A whole week passes and Clementine hasn't held the twins. I was a little worried at this and I had called her doctor and asked about it.
"She might be experiencing Baby Blues… has she gotten moody? Or even loosing interest in something?" The doc asked and I looked to our room a bit and nodded as I looked to the table.
"Yeah, she has but I just thought she was really tired, I mean… having a baby is hard on its own but twins." I say and messed with the cored on the phone.
"That's another symptom… have you talked to her?" She asked me.
"When I bring her food and helped her to the bathroom to take a bath at least… but… it's just short talk." I mutter a bit. Guess I was stupid to not notice.
"Hey it's ok that you didn't notice, you've been taking care of the babies… how about this, ask a friend or family member to watch the babies for a bit, it could be for a few hours and just be there with Clementine." The doctor suggests.
"I… I could do that… Carley wanted to spend some time with the babies." I say more to myself.
"It's going to be fine, this doesn't usually last long." She tells me and I nod as we hang up. I take the twins over to Carley and Lee's and Carley said she would watch them for me. I was grateful that Clem's family was understanding. I go back to our house and I head into the room and see Clem's back facing me and I go over to the bed and lay in it with her. I don't go under the covers but I place my hand on her back gently and she turned to look at me. I could see the dark rings under her eyes and I cup her face gently with one hand.
"Hey." She says quietly and I smile a bit at her.
"Hey… Clem how are you feeling?" I asked and she just shrugged a little and then turned back to face the wall. I moved my hand back to her back and rubbed it gently.
"What's going on Darlin'?" I asked her quietly.
"I… what if I'm not a good mom?" She asked.
"You are a good mom." I tell her.
"I haven't held the twins since we got here." She says and I felt sadden at this.
"It's ok, they know you love them." I tell her and she shook her head a bit.
"No, they don't they know I'm a terrible mother." I hear her cry and I moved a bit so I could hold her. She turned to me and held me back and I would hum a bit for her.
"They do love you; they know you aren't feeling good… plus I'm here to help." I tell her.
"I should be able to hold them, I… I haven't even held them to me to feed them and the doctors said that's how they bond with their mothers and I just… I just feel… like I'm already failing them." She cried and I held her a little tighter.
"Darlin' you're doing what you can, you're tired and a little overwhelmed with all this, and that's ok, I'm here to help you and the girls… plus you carried them for nine whole months, if that ain't love hell if I know anymore." I tried to joke but she doesn't laugh and I sighed a bit.
"I just feel like they don't like me." She tells me.
"They do." I remind her.
"I haven't been a good mom." She says.
"You have been a good mom." I tell her.
"I feel useless." She says.
"You aren't." I reminded her and I kissed her head gently.
"I'm worried I'll mess things up." She says quietly.
"If you're worried about messing up, that's normal, heck I feel like I'm going to mess up sometimes." I tell her and she moves her head a bit and I kissed her head gently. We just stayed like this for a bit and I rubbed her back gently as I tried to calm her down.
"Clem the girls love you very much, they're still young but I know they understand you aren't feeling good… and I know me saying this might not help you in the long run, but trust me, those girls think the world of you, and I know you think the world of them… messing up is ok, that's why I'm here to help you, being worried is ok too, I'm worried, I mean not just for them but for you… I felt awful when I didn't notice the signs sooner I just thought you needed some space with everything." I tell her.
"You've done so much." She mutters.
"Same as you… now come on, let's get you something to eat, Carley has the girls and you need to get out of this room." I say and she nods a bit. it did take a while for her to get out of the bed and I helped her to the living room since she hasn't and doesn't want to put her leg on. I help set her on the couch and I grabbed some of the ice cream she loves. I turn the television on for her and grabbed her the warmest fluffiest blanket we had and the softest pillow as well. We sat down for a bit and I was glad she was eating something even if it was just a bowl of ice cream.
"Why do I still feel like shit?" She asked and I look to her as I was rubbing her leg gently as she was laying on the couch now.
"It'll be like that for a bit… but it's ok… do you need to talk to my therapist?" I asked her.
"I… maybe." She says and I nod.
"I'll set up an appointment for you." I tell her.
"I'm sorry." She says to me.
"Don't ever be sorry." I tell her and she stays quiet. I kept rubbing her leg and I look at her as she just looked to the television a bit. I know this was hard for her. I know she didn't want to feel this way and that was ok for her to feel like this, but to belittle herself, it made me feel terrible.
"You're a good husband." She says quietly and I notice she was finally falling asleep.
"And you're a good wife and mother." I tell her. She was finally asleep but I didn't stop rubbing her leg. I would look to the television sometimes but then I would look back to her to make sure she got some sleep. I felt terrible that she had been feeling like this and I didn't notice it until now. I rubbed the back of my head with my free hand and then I hear the door open and I turn my head quickly and made a shush motion with my finger. Lee looked to me and I point to Clementine and he nods as he holds up a box and comes over to us quietly.
"Grandma thought Clementine might like something sweet, I heard from Carley that Clem wasn't feeling well." He whispers and I nod.
"She just thinks she's being a bad mom; I'm making her an appointment with my therapist soon… would you mind watching the twins for a bit?" I asked.
"I would love to watch them." He says and I nod a bit. I tell him where the milk was so they could feed them and he grabbed some extra diapers too along with the girl's favorite teddy bears. When he was done, he leaves the house quietly and I look back to Clementine as she slept some more. It was a few days before we got to the therapist, we couldn't get mine but we were told this one specializes in new mothers. Clementine says she wanted me to be in the room with her so here we were sitting on the couch as I held her hand as she talked to the doctor.
"When was the last time you held the twins?" The therapist asked.
"When we were at the hospital… I didn't… feel bad when we were there but once we got home, I think it all just… came down on me." Clementine tells them and I rubbed the back of her hand gently.
"It happens, some mothers feel like that once they get home… has your husband been updating you on them at least?" She asked as she looked to me.
"Yes, he has, he told me that… when they were taking their nap they would hold each other's hands, how Diana gets upset when he has Lura laying on his chest so he has to have them both in order to make them happy." She says and she gripped my hand a bit and I look to her.
"And I feel bad because he's been taking care of them when it should be the both of us… mostly me because I mean… I'm their mother." She tells the woman and I see her writing some things down.
"Being a first-time mother is hard, but the fact that you have people to help you will help you in the long run… tell me Vinny, have the twins been giving you a hard time?" She asked and I was a little confused at this question.
"Sometimes… uh they wouldn't stop crying one day until I mentioned their Mama, telling them she needed rest and they calm down a little… like they know." I tell her and she nods and writes it down. When we finished with the therapist, I decided to take Clementine to the park for a bit so she could get some fresh air. It would be another two months before Clementine finally held the babies again but she wouldn't hold them for long, but the fact she was trying made it better. Currently I was in the kitchen making dinner and out of no where one of the twins started to wail and I accidentally cut myself.
"AH Fuck." I mutter and quickly grabbed a towel I went over to the playpen and looked to see it was Diana and I looked around a bit to try and find something for my hand.
"Clem?" I asked but no answer and I was a little panic.
"Clem, I need help." I say as Diana kept crying and then Lura started to cry too.
"Clem." I say again but nothing. I hurried to try and find the first aid kit and couldn't find it but the twins kept crying and they got louder and louder if it was even possible.
"CLEM!" I yelled and I started to panic more and I look to the playpen then back to trying to find the kit. I don't know why but I started to feel unwell and I look to see the cloth covered in blood and for the love of God I started to think back to my time in the army. All the blood I saw, the people crying for their mothers everything came back like a fucking freight train and I shake my head at this.
"CLEM I… I really need help." I say quietly and I take a seat on the ground and tried to cover my ears to stop hearing the crying. I don't know how long I was like this but I feel a hand on my shoulder and I shake it off as I tried to breath.
"Vi, Vi it's ok." I hear and shake my head franticly.
"They… they won't stop crying I can't… my hand." I say and I feel someone move my hand and I didn't hear the babies crying and I get worried. I open my eyes and look to see Lee and Carley. Lee was trying to look at my hand and Carley had the twins as they were finally calmed down and I feel the tears in my eyes. How could I have a panic attack at that moment? I was supposed to help them calm down, I just needed a little help, just a little help.
"Hey it's ok, Clem got them and called us." He says and I turn to see Clementine looking at me a bit as she was seated on the couch. She looked down and Lee had fixed up my hand a bit.
"You need some stitches, come on." Lee says and I get up and he helped me to the table. He had found the first aid kit and stitched up.
"I'm sorry." I hear and look to Clem as Lee was cleaning my hand up.
"It's fi-."
"It's not fine." Clem says and I look to her a bit. She kept her eyes to the floor and I look to Lee who looked back to me.
"Clem it's fine I promise." I tell her and she just shakes her head. I look to her a bit and then to the table. Lee and Carley took the twins and I felt like shit.
"I'm sorry I heard and I just… I heard." Clem says quietly and I look over to her.
"You got to them though." I tell her.
"But I should have… the first time I just… I." She stopped talking and I look to her. I take a breath and I go over to her and I take a seat on the couch.
"And you had a panic attack and I just… I froze and… I-I tried to calm them down." She tells me and I hugged her.
"It's ok… it's ok Clem everyone is fine now." I whisper to her.
"I hate feeling like this, I don't know why I feel like this, they said it was only supposed to be two weeks but it's been longer than that." She says.
"Sometimes it lasts longer… how about we start things slow? Take the girls to the park, get some fresh air." I suggest and I just feel her grip my shirt.
"I'll be there so everything will be fine." I whisper and she nods a bit.
"Tomorrow?" She asked and I nod.
"Of course… and hey we can take them to the store, I know the other wives have been wanting to see them." I tell her and she actually giggled at that. I smiled as I rubbed her back gently and I feel her move closer.
"I'm so sorry Violet." She tells me.
"You did nothing wro-."
"You called for help and I didn't come the first time." She tells me.
"Clem it's fine, you still got to them and you called Lee and Carley to come over and help, that's something… I shouldn't have had an episode." I tell her.
"What happened?" She asked and I look to her.
"One of the twins wailed out of nowhere and I accidentally sliced my hand that's all." I tell her and rubbed her back more. The next day we went and picked the girls up, I had gotten a stroller that would fit both of them and we decided to walk into town. I would look to Clementine a bit as we walked around the park and at one point we stopped by the oak tree and she took a seat and I checked on the twins. They were just looking in every direction and I smiled at them and bring them closer to the tree so Clementine could see them too.
"Can… Can I hold one of them?" She asked and I nod as I grabbed Lura and handed her to Clem and I grabbed and held Diana. I would look to Clementine as she held Lura close to her and I kissed Clem on the head. She looked to me and I smiled and she smiled back. She kept holding onto Lura even after we got up to head to the store. She didn't want to put her down. It was progress, right?
"Oh, my look at these two." One of the wives said as we were looking at the baby stuff. We had to get some more baby powder and other things.
"How old are they?" Another woman asked.
"Almost two months." Clementine tells them and I look to her as she looked to Lura. I smiled and then the other wives would look to Diana as well.
"Oh, they have their daddy's eyes." One of them mentions and I nod and checked on Diana who was just looking everywhere.
"Hear that baby girl?" I asked her and she instantly turns to look to me and I chuckled as the girls awed.
"Bet they been a hassle at night." One of them say.
"They are but their dad has been a lifesaver." Clem says and I look to her as she looked to me.
"He's been taking care of them? What is your secret? I can't get my husband to change his own sons' diaper, let alone wake up to help take care of the baby." One of the mothers say and I look to them.
"Sounds to me he don't care for his wife's wellbeing." I mutter and they look to me a bit.
"I mean be honest here, he wanted the kid too, right?" I asked and they nod.
"Then he needs to take responsibility too." I stated.
"Well, he works long hours and work is important." She says making an excuse for her husband not helping.
"When was the last time he just held the baby? And how long?" I asked her.
"I uh… don't recall." She says.
"But I bet he boasts on how he has a son." I say.
"He does have a point, Haley; I mean he could just hold the kid for ten minutes." One of the women says and I nod.
"Honestly where did you find a good man like this Clementine?" Hayley asked her and she looked to me and I look to her.
"I… he's just always like this… it's what I love about him." She says and I smiled and kissed her cheek.
"Well, you're a lucky one, I don't know any man that would take his wife's family name, and take care of the kids and hell even go shopping with his family… he's like a wife." One of the women say and I look to her a bit as they giggled at this assumption.
"I'm joking, but you really are a good husband, wish I had met someone like you." She says and I nod at this. Lura starts to whimper a bit and I look to her and then Clem and I hold my hands out and she gently hands her over to me and I rocked her a bit.
"I'm this way because my dad never showed me love like this… hell he didn't even want me… so I want to be a good dad to my girls." I admitted to them.
"Now what kind of dad is that?" One of the women say.
"One that never wanted a family… I'll be honest they were pretty young when they had me but… he blamed me for all the bad things in his life… then twenty so years later he has my sister and… I'm just glad he's locked up." I mutter.
"Did he hurt her?" Hayley asked and I nod.
"Not as bad as he hurt me… but regardless he should never be hurting a child… but my sister and mother are ok now so I'm just happy for that." I say and Lura calmed down a bit and I smiled at her.
"Lord Clem, can I have your husband help me with my kids?" One of the mothers asked and Clementine laughed and she held her hands out and I smile as I hand her Lura again.
"No, you can't have him, he's mine." She says and everyone laughed. When we got done talking everyone left and I grabbed something called formula.
"Like powdered milk?" I asked as I read it.
"Yeah, but just for babies, sometimes mothers can't pump enough milk or maybe the baby needs it to gain weight." She tells me and I look to the girls.
"You think we should get one? Just to be safe?" I asked.
"It's fine." She tells me and I nod as we set it in the cart. We kept walking around and when done we go pay for the stuff, we set the bags at the bottom of the stroller and start heading home.
"It was actually a good day today." Clem says and I nod and she looked to the girls in the stroller. They had fallen asleep and then she looked to me.
"Thanks… for helping me… I'm still sorry about yesterday." She tells me.
"Darlin' it's fine, you did fine… and I'm proud of you, you looked lie you didn't want to ever let Lura go." I tell her.
"She's still so small… I do love them, I never stopped loving them I just… don't know why I felt the way I did." She tells me.
"It happens, but hey, no more kids, right?" I asked and she laughed.
"For now." She tells me and I nod.