Yotsuha was standing in front of the entrance of the Shizuoka City Prefectural High School. She knew she had to go in, but she couldn't quite make herself. It was as if a glass wall was preventing her from moving forward.
Other students were walking past her that Monday morning, almost without looking at her. It was raining lightly, so they all moved quickly under their umbrellas. Some turned their heads as they walked by, puzzled by her strangely frozen position, but they quickly moved on, ignoring her.
A red-haired girl, a little shorter than Yotsuha, stopped beside her and looked at her in astonishment. The girl wanted to speak to her, but Yotsuha stood still and stared blankly, ignoring everything that moved around her. Yotsuha's impassive attitude restrained the redhead, who looked back inside the institute shifting in place uncomfortably.
A conflict developed inside the redhead. She questioned herself if she should talk to Yotsuha, or whether she should better ignore her and continue on her way to the institute. She was mad at Yotsuha because of how she acted last week, but at the same time she was worried about her, and so she was reluctant to leave her like that, standing in the rain.
Finally, the girl let out a loud sigh. She realized that she was not going to accomplish anything without bringing her paralyzed friend out of her strange trance, so she decided to take the initiative.
"Yotsuha... Yotsuha, are you all right? Yotsuha!" said the redhead looking at the girl intensely.
But Yotsuha did not react.
The redhead grew impatient. She closed her umbrella and stood in front of Yotsuha, grabbing her shoulder and shaking her gently.
"Yotsuha! What's wrong with you? Can you hear me?"
Yotsuha began to blink and only then looked around. Almost with difficulty she focused her eyes on the redhead who was still looking at her with concern.
Michiko?" she asked in a hesitant voice, as if she had just woken up from a coma.
The redhead put both hands on Yotsuha's shoulders, and looked at her intensely.
"What's wrong with you, Yotsuha? You ignored me all last week! And now... are you on drugs?"
Yotsuha looked around, as if becoming aware of her situation again. It was already getting late to enter classes, and many students were walking past her, hurrying inside.
"No, it's not that, I'm sorry, Michi-chan, it's just that... I... I'm not sure if I should enter..."
"What are you talking about? We're going to be late if we don't get inside right now! Come, let's share your umbrella."
Michiko slipped her right arm under her friend's left arm and began to walk almost tugging her into the institute.
Yotsuha resisted out of inertia, but within a few steps she began to walk holding her companion's arm, looking around nervously. The previous week had been like a nightmare, and she had behaved erratically. Now while she was coming to her senses, she was afraid to face everyone at school. If it weren't for Michiko, she would still be standing outside, unable to move.
"Michiko, I... I'm so sorry," said Yotsuha, feeling a lump in his throat. "I didn't want to ignore you, I just... didn't know what to do..."
The redhead stopped and looked Yotsuha straight in the eyes, as if trying to read her friend's thoughts.
"Are you all right now?"
"Maybe so, I guess," Yotsuha answered hesitantly.
"Okay, that's enough. After class you're going to tell me everything. Now let's go inside," said the red-haired girl, moving forward.
"Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you."
The redhead smiled at her.
"Let's go, the bell is about to ring"
"You knew you were a good friend," Yotsuha said to the redhead, feeling her eyes water.
The girl's face swelled with a big smile.
"Now you're really starting to be the Yotsuha I know," she said as she took her hand and began to walk faster. "Come on, math class is about to start."
"Mathematics?" Yotsuha asked, slowing down and stopping Michiko, who almost stumbled at the sudden jerk backwards.
"But what's wrong with you?" protested the red-haired girl looking at Yotsuha strangely. "Yeah, we have math, what's up with that?"
"Ichihara-sensei is going to scold me!"
"Of course she will! She said she wanted to talk to you on Friday, and you disappeared, we were looking all over for you and you were gone!"
"And how do you want me to enter...?"
"Well, walking, you know!" Michiko replied in exasperation, literally pulling Yotsuha's arm and picking up the pace. "I know you and I know you can talk to her. Besides, I'm sure Ichihara-sensei will understand you because you're a good student, so let's go!"
When they reached their classroom, the two girls entered through the room's back door and Michiko escorted Yotsuha to her seat at the back of the room by the window.
As Yotsuha settled in, the bustle of the room died down a bit when some of her classmates noticed that she had arrived and glanced with little disguise in her direction.
Michiko had stood by Yotsuha's side, scowling back at those prying eyes. That inhibited the various groups of gawkers, and they soon went back to their own business, so the tension subsided. Michiko leaned over to her friend, who had already sat down and was crestfallen, staring at her hands on the desk.
"Don't pay attention to them, they're all cretins. You're back, and I know you know how to deal with these things. You didn't want to be team captain for nothing, did you?" said Michiko, patting her friend on the shoulder. "I'll go sit down; we'll talk at recess."
Michiko walked to her seat, which was in the front row at the front of the class, almost in front of the teacher's desk.
The doorbell rang, and within seconds the math teacher, Kumiko Ichihara, entered. The room went from a pandemonium of teenagers moving to their seats to ceremonial silence in less than 5 seconds.
The teacher stopped at her desk, greeted the class, and from there it was business as usual, until she began to take attendance. Calling Yotsuha's name, the teacher looked up when she heard the girl respond.
"Welcome back, Miyamizu-san. It is good of you to honor us with your presence today," said the teacher, causing some laughter in the room that was immediately silenced as soon as she looked over the heads of her students.
The teacher continued to take attendance normally while Yotsuha sank into her seat trying to remain unnoticed for the rest of the class. But math class ran without major incident, except that now Yotsuha did pay attention, just as she had successfully done the previous year. She was accepting that this was her reality, so she could not afford not to listen carefully to the teachers' explanations.
When the recess bell rang, the teacher raised her voice above the din of students hurrying to leave the room.
"Miyamizu-san, I need you to come with me to the teacher's lounge."
Yotsuha felt a shiver run down her back.
"R-right now?" she answered from the back of the room.
"Yes, right now," the teacher repeated firmly, without taking her eyes off the girl, as if trying not to let her sneak away by surprise again, just as she had done on Friday.
Yotsuha finished putting away her supplies and notebooks under the table, and then walked over to stand in front of the teacher, but without daring to look her in the face.
Do you know why I'm calling you?" asked the teacher, trying to make eye contact with her student.
Yotsuha looked up for half a second to find the teacher staring at her. She looked down again and nodded her head weakly.
"Good. Then follow me," said the teacher, in a gentler voice.
Yotsuha looked to the side and saw that her classmate Michiko was looking at her intensely. The redhead nodded to her, as if to say «go ahead».
The teacher quickly left the room without looking back, so Yotsuha could barely even respond to her friend with her head; the teenager started to follow the teacher closely, her eyes on the floor, barely even looking at the teacher's feet, and not daring to look at anything and anyone around her. She felt that anyone who saw her now was doing so to judge her.
The two women walked down the stairs to the first floor where the teachers' lounge was located. They walked through the door, and after taking a couple of steps inside, Professor Ichihara turned to Yotsuha.
"Wait for me for a second and don't move from here," she ordered with a firm tone.
The teacher went to her desk at the back of the room. She put down her things and immediately retraced her steps. On the way she asked something to a couple of teachers who were sitting at their posts. They turned and answered something that Yotsuha did not understand, but it was a short conversation because one of them turned in her direction and pointed to something on the wall next to the entrance door, a meter away from Yotsuha. The teacher waved goodbye with a small nod of her head and immediately turned back to Yotsuha. She picked up a key that was in a small cabinet on the wall, where the other teacher had pointed, and then she pointed Yotsuha in the direction of the exit door.
"Let's go to the conference room next door, where we can talk more comfortably."
Yotsuha followed the teacher into the conference room in silence. It was a medium-sized room, with a wide sofa against the right wall and two armchairs in front of the sofa, set around a glass coffee table. It looked like the living room of a house. Towards the back of the room was a rectangular table with 6 seats, set in between two bookshelves crammed with folders and books that Yotsuha could not distinguish. At the back of the room there was a water dispenser and a small low cabinet with doors, which had glasses and cups on top, plus some supplies for serving tea or coffee. Above the cabinet was a window overlooking the parking lot, where a couple of cars and trees were visible.
The teenager stared around for several seconds, until she finally looked at the teacher, who had stood there watching her without saying anything. When the teacher realized she had her attention, she pointed her arm toward the sofa, without saying anything to her. Only then did Yotsuha see a large picture hanging on the wall above the sofa that showed a splendorous photograph of Mount Fuji, giving the place a pleasant, relaxing feeling. But none of that could help her because she was nervous almost to the point of tears. She was not used to being scolded by teachers and called to such a meeting. With a thinly disguised sigh the girl sat down in the middle of the couch, right where the teacher had indicated.
Professor Ichihara sat in one of the armchairs across from her student, separated only by the small glass table.
Yotsuha was still unable to look the teacher in the face. For several seconds the teacher remained silent, watching her, which increased the girl's nervousness.
"So, Miyamizu-san, first of all, do you have something you want to tell me?"
"Ichihara-sensei, I... I'm sorry, I know I did things wrong last week. I'm really sorry..." answered the girl feeling that her voice was high-pitched and trembling.
The teacher gave a sigh, and settled back in her armchair.
"I'm glad to hear that you are aware that you violated several institute's rules last week," said Professor Ichihara in a tone that showed some relief. "But I am worried. I know you're not like that, because you've never engaged in that kind of behavior before. I want to understand what's going on with you. Are things all right at home?"
Yotsuha looked up sheepishly, and looked at the teacher for the first time.
"Not really, not at all."
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?"
Yotsuha looked out the window. The day was cloudy, with a dark sky, and it was still raining softly. Her mood was no better than the weather that day. She looked at the teacher, resigned. She knew she had to answer, but she also knew she couldn't tell her everything.
"I went to visit my older sister in Tokyo the weekend before last. We had an argument, and she revealed things about my family that I didn't know, and that... made me very upset. I was sick all last week because of that. I was questioning a lot of things, and that's why I didn't come to the institute on Monday and Tuesday, and then, well, on Friday, I think I hit rock bottom."
"Does your grandmother know about that?"
Yotsuha nodded her head weakly.
"Mitsuha... my sister, she visited us this weekend... and she also talked to my grandmother. When my grandmother found out everything, she also got sick. She fainted, and we had to call an ambulance and..."
Yotsuha felt he could no longer speak.
"Wait a second, Miyamizu-san," said the teacher, standing up.
The teacher went to the water dispensing machine, poured a glass and brought it to Yotsuha. The girl received it while the teacher went to get a box of tissues from the shelf, which she then left on the glass table in front of Yotsuha, anticipating that the conversation was going to turn emotional.
The teacher sat back in her chair and waited a minute while the girl drank from her glass and pulled herself together.
Are you feeling better now?" asked the teacher after the pause.
Yotsuha nodded.
"How is your grandmother?" asked the teacher with a tone of honest concern.
"She is better. The paramedics said it was an emotional thing, and that she needs to avoid getting stressed or experiencing strong emotions. This week she should visit a doctor."
"I understand. I'm glad it doesn't seem to be that serious. If your sister told her something shocking like that, I can understand that you've been very upset too. But you are not alone, Miyamizu-san. We are here to support you," said the teacher gesturing with her arms, indicating everything around her. "I understand that this is a family matter, and that you may not want to air it with me, but you said you were questioning a lot of things. Could you tell me what's going on? Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I, I don't know, sensei," Yotsuha replied sheepishly.
"Well, try me. We won't know if you don't."
"It's not that, I don't think it's something you can help me with."
"Look, Miyamizu-san, we all feel overwhelmed at times, and it is common to think that no one can help us. But many times, our problems are things that others have already experienced. Or there are solutions that we don't know about, but others can see them or can help us to find them, you know? So, trusting your elders can help. You just have to take that step."
Yotsuha was silent, thinking. What could she say to her teacher that could help her? Professor Ichihara taught mathematics, and she was one of the brightest and most intelligent teachers in the whole institute, a very logical person. But Yotsuha knew that none of what she was experiencing was logical, though perhaps the teacher could understand and see something she missed. She settled back on the couch, straightening her posture, trying to find the courage to speak.
Ichihara-sensei..." said Yotsuha looking shyly at her teacher, "Do you believe that we can live in more than one reality, that... our reality can change in ways that... we cannot control?"
Professor Ichihara blinked quizzically, unable to understand what the girl was asking.
"Wait..." the teacher said, confused. "What do you mean by more than one reality? Are you talking about the reality of your family situation or...?"
"Our reality!" interrupted Yotsuha in an exalted manner. "That you are a teacher, that you are sitting in front of me. That we are both alive, sitting here in this room, right? This is our reality. Or that's what we think, but what would you think if you realized that... this reality that you live in, can suddenly change and, I don't know how, you could reappear in a different reality where you are no longer a teacher? Or if you realized that in that new reality there are people important to you who were dead before, but now they are alive again? And even if you liked that new reality, would you be able to enjoy it if you knew that maybe everything could go back to the way it was before?"
"No... wait, what?" asked the teacher in complete confusion. "What you're saying doesn't make any sense. There are no multiple realities, I mean, there are scientific theories that say there could be a multiverse, or things like that, but those are just theories... they're science fiction! Is that what your sister told you about?"
"Yes, it's something like that, sensei."
"But that doesn't make sense, my girl. I think your sister got confused... How old is she? And what does she do for a living? Is she a scientist?"
"No, she studied administration and finance. She is, uh... about 26 years old."
"Then what she told you surely is a mistake," said the teacher, trying to reassure her student. "I don't doubt that your sister must be very convincing if she even affected your grandmother. But you must not let yourself be confused, Miyamizu-san..."
Yotsuha leaned her back against the couch, sinking into it, feeling a great disappointment at the teacher's dismissive response.
"Do you see? Then you can't help me. I don't think anyone can," said Yotsuha looking down.
"If you explain me better what your sister said to you, maybe I can understand. Maybe you misunderstood her or there is something that confused your sister, but that doesn't have to affect you."
Yotsuha shook his head.
"Even my own sister doesn't understand. My grandmother doesn't either, nor do I... my family encountered something beyond this reality. My family used to serve in a Shinto shrine, you know? We served the god of our shrine, Musubi. We did it for dozens of generations, for more than a thousand years..."
"And you don't do that anymore?" asked the teacher in amazement.
"Not anymore. Our shrine no longer exists. We... came from Itomori, in Gifu. It was the town where the comet fell in 2013."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that," excused the teacher, uncomfortable at having asked such an indiscreet question.
"I didn't care about that anymore. My grandmother still kept teaching me about Shinto all these years, but I thought it was all in the past. But what I discovered was that our god can control reality in ways I can't imagine. That's what my sister taught me a week ago, and that made me question whether all this..."
Yotsuha looked around the room, until she ended up looking at the teacher, who was staring back at her, shocked.
"...I didn't know if all this that is around me was real, or if it's just one long dream. And then I was afraid that all this that I can see, all that I can feel, what... I've been living day by day since 2013, all this was fake, and that everything I've been striving for... could vanish in the blink of an eye. That I myself could disappear upon... upon the will of gods who could just change their mind, and that they would discard this reality where I am alive, and that I could do nothing..."
Miyamizu-san... Yotsuha, no, don't say such things!" exclaimed the teacher in an alarmed tone. "You are here, I am here, that can't change! Those ideas are crazy, you shouldn't be afraid of something so... so irrational!"
"Ichihara-sensei, I know, I know it's crazy! That was what had been gnawing at me all the week before. What was the point of studying? Why suffer and work for a future that might... not be real?"
"Yotsuha, you're scaring me. I think I'm in over my head, maybe we should call the institute's psychologist..."
"No!" said Yotsuha standing up, "You can't tell anyone about this! I trusted you!"
"It's all right, it's all right, relax, Yotsuha!" said the teacher rising her arms to calm Yotsuha. "I'm not going to tell anyone, but please sit down. Sit down and let's talk this over calmly, shall we?"
Yotsuha felt that her breathing was labored. She touched her chest and felt her heart pounding. She sat back down and took a long drink of water, trying to calm herself.
"Forgive me," said the teacher as Yotsuha calmed down again, "I know that what you are telling me must be something very important to your family, and that you and your family really believe it. But you understand better than anyone that what you told me is hard to accept. I don't want to betray your trust, Miyamizu-san, but if you tell me that you are afraid of disappearing, I can't stop worrying about your life, about your safety, and it's my duty as a teacher to do something, do you understand?"
"But that doesn't matter anymore, sensei."
The teacher blanched.
"Miyamizu-san... Yotsuha... What do you mean by that?"
"Until last week I feared that none of this was real. But I was wrong. Now I understand that it's all real. As real as it can get. And if it stops being real, I can't do anything about it, but I still have to live as if it were, do you understand? I can't choose if this reality is the only one that exists, or if it will change tomorrow, but as long as it is the reality I live in, I have to accept that I am in it. I have no choice. No one does..."
The teacher was dumbfounded. She didn't know what else to say, and after several seconds she began to blink, as if coming to her senses.
"You... no, wait. And all this you say... is it because of what your sister told you? I don't understand..."
"Ichihara-sensei, I already told you. Nobody understands. I really want to. I want to understand, but even my own family doesn't quite know what happened. Or why. I can only learn, study, and investigate the past, to look for clues as to... how our god Musubi did all this, and also understand why he did it. But now I feel that I am better. I am no longer afraid of... of... of... disappearing. I ask your forgiveness, and I promise I will not behave again like I did last week."
Yotsuha stood up, and bowed.
"Ichihara-sensei, thank you for listening to me. I feel better, and I am better, you must believe me. But I need you to keep what I told you a secret. No one must know about this..."
"Yotsuha... if what you tell me is true, I don't know what I should do, maybe we should look for help..."
"Ichihara-sensei, I trusted you! Promise me that you will keep everything I told you a secret!" Yotsuha said almost shouting, in an anguished voice.
"Yotsuha, I don't..."
"You must promise! Ichihara-sensei Please! You must do it...!"
Yotsuha's eyes began to fill with tears.
The teacher bit her lips. In her fifteen years as a teacher, she had never had a conversation like this, not with adults, let alone with a minor. And now she felt totally disarmed. She wanted to ask for help, but to do so would be to betray the trust of one of her best students. But seeing Yotsuha's face contorted in fear overcame her. She stood up, and without realizing how she hugged the girl.
Yotsuha was so taken aback by her teacher's warm embrace that within seconds she began to cry like a little girl, releasing the anguish that was pressing on her chest.
"Yotsuha, it's okay, it's all right... this will be something I will keep only for myself... shhh, be calm, shhh," said the teacher while the girl cried and hugged her more tightly.
It was a long while before Yotsuha began to calm down, and only then did the teacher slowly pulled away from her, and gently pushed her away guiding her to sit back down on the couch. The teacher took several tissues and let the teenager wipe her tears from her face.
'I promise I will keep your secret," said the teacher. "But on one condition. You said that you feel better now, that... that you're accepting that you're... well that this is reality, right? This also is my reality, and in this reality, I am a teacher, and I have to take care of all my students. And I must take care of you. So, you must promise me that you are going to take care of yourself too. You must promise me that you will make sure that you will be safe and that, if you ever have such doubts again, or if you get any ideas that might put your life or your health at risk, you will come to me and you will talk. Before you make any radical decision, you will first talk to me... Do you agree? Do you promise?"
Yotsuha looked up and met the gaze of the teacher who was kneeling on the floor in front of her, looking back at her worriedly.
The teacher grabbed Yotsuha by both shoulders, almost forcing her to look at her straight in the eye.
"Will you promise to take care of yourself and talk to me if something bad happens to you, Yotsuha?" the teacher insisted.
Yotsuha nodded.
"Yes, Ichihara-sensei. I promise. I promise I will."
"Good!" said the teacher, standing up and taking a couple of steps towards her armchair. She stopped and looked out the window. The rain had stopped, and the sunlight was filtering through the clouds, making the morning clearer. She turned to the girl and tried to comfort her.
"Everything is going to be all right now. And you had better go to your next class. But I think you must go to the bathroom first to wash your face and freshen up. And tell the teacher that you were talking to me, so you won't have any problems."
Yotsuha stood up, and bowed.
"Thank you for listening to me, Ichihara-sensei, and I trust your word."
"And I'm going to trust yours, Yotsuha. Now go to class."
Yotsuha walked to the door, and before leaving, bowed again to the teacher, and left.
Kumiko Ichihara exhaled heavily, as if a great weight had fallen from her shoulders. She felt her legs wobble. Almost unable to control herself she took erratic steps until she reached the couch, where she dropped heavily.
"What... was... all... that...?" she asked herself as she covered her mouth. Trying to control herself, her mind began to go over what the girl had told her... This isn't the real thing? What did that mean? That girl seemed... sane. She was her student! Yotsuha Miyamizu was one of her best students, and she couldn't let her lose herself to such madness. Because that girl couldn't make up a story like that just to confuse her, so what kind of madness was that? Or did Yotsuha Miyamizu have a sister who was losing her mind and was dragging her whole family down with her?
Kumiko Ichihara took a big breath of air, and looked up at the ceiling, as if searching for an answer that her mind did not want to grant. «That girl was not crazy», said to herself. «She is just confused. Just confused...».
§
Yotsuha washed her face with more energy than she should have. When she raised her head to the mirror, her eyes were red, but so were her cheeks. She re-wet her face more gently, to try to make up for her mistake, and then dried her face carefully with paper towels. She finished grooming herself as best she could, closed her eyes concentrating on continuing her day no matter what, and then gave herself courage to walk out of the girls' bathroom with her face held high.
She stepped out into the lonely hallway on the second floor. The classes of the second block should have started at least ten minutes ago, so there were no more students moving through the corridors of the institute. Yotsuha realized that, if she came across any teacher she would have to give explanations, and she had neither the mood nor the energy for such a thing, so she quickened her pace, trying to move as discreetly as possible so as not to alert anyone of her presence.
She went up the central stairs to the second floor, always trying to go stealthily, and was about to start climbing to the third floor when she felt a muffled scream behind her.
"YOTSUHA!"
The girl felt a shudder at hearing her name, and turned around almost with a jump to come face to face with Michiko.
The redhead was panting, looking at her compunctionately, as if she had been running around.
"Michi-chan, you almost scared me to death!" Yotsuha complained, feeling that her heart for a second had almost jumped out of her throat.
"I... I'm sorry, I was looking for you," her friend apologized. "Are you all right? I went looking for you in the teachers' lounge, and you weren't there, and then I went back to our classroom and you weren't there either! You were nowhere to be found. I was worried, I thought... wait, were you crying?"
Yotsuha lowered her face, trying to hide her features from her friend.
"I... to be honest, yes, I was."
"But are you all right?"
"Yes, I am better now," replied Yotsuha with a nod. "I talked to Ichihara-sensei and it was a difficult conversation, but that made me feel better, I think I feel much better now."
"Then come with me," said the redhead taking Yotsuha's hand.
The two girls began to climb the stairs with Michiko leading the party with stealthy steps. When they reached the third-floor hallway, Michiko peeked out just the tip of her nose, to check that no one was watching. When she saw that the coast was clear, she slipped into the stairwell and continued up the stairs, always holding Yotsuha's hand.
Yotsuha realized that Michiko had escaped from class only when she did not take the direct path to their classroom.
"Michiko, shouldn't we go to class...?"
"And let you keep acting weird, and run away again like you did on Friday? I wouldn't forgive myself a second time. Come, let's go to the roof to talk."
The two girls reached the fifth floor and continued up a narrow staircase that led to a door that probably led to the roof. It was locked with a padlock.
"Uhm, I thought this place might be open," said Michiko with a shrug. "Maybe it's better that we can't go out if it's raining, though."
Yotsuha looked at the padlocked door, and felt the strange itch of the forbidden. She approached the door and put her hand on the metal door. It was freezing cold. On the other side was the freedom of the open air, high above the roof of her high school, where she had never been. Suddenly flashing through her head were memories of a shoujo drama she had read in middle school, where the heroine of the story received her first kiss from her childhood best friend on the roof of her school. And that made her feel like she would really want to go out on that roof too, even if it was raining. She took the padlock in her hand, and looked at it intensely, as if wishing it would suddenly open thanks to a miracle or by a super power associated with the intensity of her gaze.
"Hey, Yotsuha, stop that," said Michiko, somewhat puzzled by the strange self-absorption her friend was falling into again.
Yotsuha turned around as if somewhat dizzy from suddenly coming back to reality again. She saw her friend looking at her worriedly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," excused Yotsuha. "It's just that I've never been here before, and I really felt like going out on the roof."
"I didn't know this place either, but on Friday I looked everywhere and came here, looking for you. Of course, I didn't find you either... and now I remembered. Come here, let's sit down."
Michiko carefully sat down, trying to get her skirt to insulate the cold floor from her legs, and leaned her back against the dwarf wall of the capping balustrade that faced the roof exit door.
Yotsuha thought that was an ideal place for hiding. Anyone walking down in the fifth-floor aisle that looks up there will never see them. But she felt nervous. She hesitantly sat down next to her friend.
"Hey, Michi-chan, shouldn't we go back to class?" asked Yotsuha. It was the first time she was running away from class like that, not counting the previous Friday. But on Friday she had been so engrossed in the hiding place she had found that she hadn't even worried about missing several classes, instead now she was coming to her senses, and had just promised Ichihara-sensei that she wouldn't do anything crazy, and it turns out that ten minutes later she was already skipping classes.
"We're going back soon, but first I need you to tell me the truth, Yotsu-chan, what's going on with you?" asked the redhead looking intensely at her friend.
"Michiko... I don't know how to explain it. It's difficult."
"Are you okay? Did someone do something to you? Someone from school?"
"No! It's not... no one has done anything to me. It's just, I visited my sister, and she... she revealed things about my family that I didn't know. There were... very difficult things, and it's made me feel very confused. Last week, I wasn't myself..."
"You don't say. Ichihara-sensei asked me about you. I heard that Yamada-sensei also asked Kimura-kun about you. A lot of people noticed your absence, and then you just ran away on Friday... and disappeared. We looked for you everywhere, and I couldn't find you! And you're not like that..."
"I know, I know!" said Yotsuha raising her voice, but immediately lowering it when she realized somebody might catch them there. "I was very confused, but now I feel better, Michi-chan, I really thank you for being worried about me, but now I'm feeling better, I really am."
"Are you telling me the truth?" asked the redhead, looking anxiously at her friend. "There were some people who said that you were stressed, that... that maybe you might... have done something bad to yourself..."
"No! No, don't worry, I wouldn't do that," said Yotsuha alarmed that she was making that impression. "Yeah, I was feeling really bad, but I... no! I don't plan to do anything like that, like, like..."
Michiko could stand it no longer and jumped on her friend's neck, hugging her.
"You-are-my-best-friend. Yotsuha, you're like a sister to me... don't ever do something like that again without warning me, without... looking for me. Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?"
Yotsuha hugged her friend back and closed her eyes. She realized she had been too selfish. By falling into her own fears, she had dragged her grandmother, Professor Ichihara, Michiko and many people around her into a state of worry that they did not deserve to suffer. She resolved not to make that mistake again.
"Forgive me, I promise I won't do that again..." said Yotsuha, squeezing her friend a little tighter in her embrace.
"Thank you, Yotsu-chan. Thank you."
The two girls stood for several seconds like that, embracing in silence.
The warmth of her friend's affection made Yotsuha's heart pump hard, encouraged and grateful. But suddenly a cloud of reality returned to Yotsuha's mind.
"Michi-chan... we really have to go back to class."
The redhead broke away from Yotsuha, stood up and held out a hand to her friend to pull her to her feet.
"It's all right. But I don't know how we're going to get in..."
"Ichihara-sensei told me to tell the teacher that I had been talking to her. So, there shouldn't be a problem. And I'll also tell him that you were accompanying me. Because, anyway... that's true after all."
They both laughed at the naiveté of the idea.
"Well, let's go right away before it gets worse," said Michiko starting down the stairs, with a quiet step, though always in stealth mode.
Yotsuha followed her friend to the 3-C classroom, back on the third floor. They both walked in silence, in an implicit code not to draw the attention of any adult on their way back to their classroom.
As they walked, Yotsuha thought how much she would regret losing her friend, losing the place she had achieved in the women's soccer team, losing her lifestyle in Shizuoka...; this was her life, a life she had achieved after years of uncertainty, and she realized that she could not ruin it, just like that.
And at that moment Yotsuha Miyamizu decided that she was going to find out everything that had happened to the Miyamizu family. She could no longer live in darkness and ignorance. She felt her grandmother had been too passive about investigating their past, just always blaming Mayugorô for everything she didn't know, and never going any further. Yotsuha bowed to herself she was not going to make that same mistake, and she made up her mind that she would dig into the past until she got to the ultimate answers, whatever it took, to protect that life she was fighting to keep.
§
Tuesday afternoon was cool and somewhat dark. The day had been cloudy in Shizuoka. The lack of light made Mitsuha feel even more depressed about having to be in the hospital, waiting in a crowded ward. Her grandmother was sitting next to her. They were both waiting for the cardiologist to call Hitoha Miyamizu to his office.
Mitsuha pulled out her phone and looked at the time. It was four twenty. They had arrived before the appointment time, had checked in, but nothing was happening yet.
At the back of the waiting room there was a row of windows that showed the cloudy sky over the green mountains that fringed the northern edge of the city. Vehicles passing over the Seishin bypass highway sped past Mitsuha, which made her envious, as they had the freedom to go wherever they wanted, a freedom she did not have at that moment. She just wished this would all be over soon so she could go back to Tokyo, find Taki and be with him.
Mitsuha desperately wanted to see her boyfriend. Since they had been together during the early hours of Sunday morning, they had only talked on the phone, on and off, and exchanged a few messages. She noticed that Taki was noticeably more subdued than usual. She didn't want to press him, as she supposed he must be very busy and stressed with the meetings they were having, but from what little the boy had explained to her, it seemed like everything was going very well. However, that feeling of sudden distance between them kept bothering her like a thorn. Something was wrong, and she needed to know what it was.
Taki had said that after the last meeting with the town hall officers, they all will go for a group lunch, and after that that he would return to Tokyo, probably on the four o'clock Shinkansen, so he should already be approaching Shizuoka at full speed, to speed past and get away from her on the way to Tokyo.
Mitsuha put her phone away with a discouraged sigh, and stood up, uncomfortable from sitting on that hard seat for so long. Her grandmother looked at her quizzically. Mitsuha tried to slyly stretch her back when they heard a woman's voice speak from her right.
"Miyamizu Hitoha-san?"
Hitoha and Mitsuha stood up and looked at a nurse dressed in a white suit standing in the hallway. They approached her.
"She is Miyamizu Hitoha, and I am her granddaughter, Miyamizu Mitsuha," said the girl introducing herself.
"Mrs. Miyamizu," said the nurse, addressing the old woman directly. "Dr. Ueno will see you now. Please follow me."
The nurse led them into a medium-sized office. The doctor, a man in his 50s, stood up and indicated a couple of seats, where the women sat down while the nurse closed the door behind them.
Half an hour later, Hitoha and Mitsuha had already left the office and were on their way home, walking towards the hospital parking lot. The old woman was resigned, but Mitsuha was upset and worried.
"Grandma, can you really promise me that you won't make any effort or expose yourself to unnecessary shocks?" asked Mitsuha for the fourth time.
"Look, child. If you keep insisting, I'm going to startle myself. You heard the doctor. I don't have anything serious and I can live a normal life..."
"Grandma, the doctor said your heart was weak! He said it wasn't pumping as much blood as it used to, and that if you overexert yourself or go through strong emotions, it can cause you to have a failure, a seizure... or... or..."
"Or death," Hitoha completed the sentence.
Mitsuha closed her lips tightly, not wanting to say anything else. They continued walking in silence through the corridors until they came outside to a roofed area, with an esplanade facing a semicircular street where several cabs were stopped, waiting for passengers. They stopped for a second, while Mitsuha tried to decide which car to take.
But Hitoha had been engrossed in thought all the way, not paying much attention to her surroundings. The old woman looked at her granddaughter, and grabbed her arm tightly, as if pulling her to herself, which surprised the girl.
"You know I'm an old woman. I've lived longer than I thought I would. I've lived longer than my mother did. I buried my own daughter, and I don't have much strength left to fight anymore. That task will be yours and your sister's now."
"Grandma Hitoha, please don't talk like that, you know we need you!" replied Mitsuha, surprised by the old woman's unexpected statements, which seemed to come out of nowhere.
The old woman shook her head.
"You two are already fine women, and soon you will have to take on the responsibilities of the family. Musubi knows that I have done everything in my power to help you, but he is more powerful than I am, so what I could not do, I know he will do one way or another, by himself or through you."
"Grandma..."
Hitoha let go of her granddaughter, and pointed at the cars stopped in front of them.
"Let's go back home. We must not worry Yotsuha. And don't tell her anything that will worry her unnecessarily, do you understand, Mitsuha?"
"I will tell her the truth, that you must not do anything that will worry you or make you angry."
"I will tolerate that. That's the best news a doctor could give your sister," said the old woman smiling and walking to the cab that was closest to them.
A solicitous taxi driver approached and opened the door for the women to get in the back seat.
On the way to the Miyamizu's house, Mitsuha's phone rang. Mitsuha pulled it out and checked. It was a message from Taki.
«I'm on the train home How's your grandmother doing?»
Mitsuha smiled, happy to know that he was well. She answered immediately.
«She's fine. She has nothing serious or of immediate danger, but her heart is weak, so she can't do anything that requires strength»
Mitsuha looked out the window. They were crossing the train line in front of Naganuma Station, so it was only a few minutes to her grandmother's house.
«I'll drop my grandmother off at her house, and go back to Tokyo,» she finally wrote.
Mitsuha put down her phone, and thought about whether she should write the next message. After a couple of beats, she decided to speak her mind, unfiltered.
«I need to see you. Soon we'll be together again.»
"You young people spend too much time glued to that screen," said Hitoha, startling his granddaughter. "I don't understand how you don't go blind looking at that."
"Grandma! It's nothing unusual, I was writing to Taki."
"Tell him to remember what I told him," Hitoha ordered.
"I assure you that he is not the type of man that forgets something you told him," said Mitsuha with a mischievous smile. He has already surprised me on a couple of occasions by talking about things you told him in Itomori, or rather told her, that even she didn't remember.
"Then he is the right one..."
"Right one for what?"
"For Musubi to complete his plans..." said the old woman, patting Mitsuha's knee.
"What plans?" asked Mitsuha worriedly.
"I don't know that. Now I know that at the end his will must be fulfilled. And I feel that Taki will be more important than you for that. Good thing he found you."
"That I found him, you mean," said Mitsuha, somewhat offended.
"Sure, you were looking for him, but he looked for you too, and he found you, didn't he? If he hadn't looked for you, you'd still be alone. Don't forget that."
"Well, we were both looking for each other, and we both..., look, it doesn't matter, let's leave it at that."
The cab turned into the small street of Miyamaecho, and stopped in front of Hitoha's house. As they got out, the house light turned on, and Yotsuha came out to greet them at a run.
"Grandma, are you all right?!" shouted the girl from the fence of the gate, without waiting for the old woman to even approach the house.
Hitoha waved her hand, not wanting to broadcast her condition to the whole neighborhood. But Yotsuha couldn't hold on, opened the gate and went out to hug her grandmother in the middle of the street.
Mitsuha got out of the cab after finishing paying and found her sister hugging her grandmother with the old woman barely able to move.
"Hello Yotsuha. It's all right, let's go inside the house, it's getting cooler."
Yotsuha snatched the purse her grandmother was carrying in her hand, and the three women entered the house.
Once inside the teenager could no longer restrain herself.
"Grandma, what did the doctor tell you?" Yotsuha asked anxiously, standing in front of the old woman, not letting her go any further.
"I don't have anything serious. Come in, let's go to the living room, I'll tell you about it."
The teenager took her grandmother by the arm and led her to one of the armchairs in the living room. She took a fluffy cushion from a couch next to it, put it on the armchair, and then helped her grandmother sit down. Then she sat in the next armchair, almost touching her grandmother.
"So, what did they tell you?" Yotsuha asked again, looking at her grandmother and Mitsuha, who was still standing at the entrance of the room.
"The doctor reviewed the results of the blood tests taken from Grandma on Saturday. And he sent her for another electrocardiogram and a scanner to see how her heart was doing."
"And...?" insisted Yotsuha, anxious.
"Everything is perfectly fine," said Hitoha gently patting her youngest granddaughter's hand.
"That's not quite it, Grandma," Mitsuha said.
Hitoha turned to her eldest granddaughter, and gave her a reproachful look, almost silencing her with her gaze. But Mitsuha was not intimidated.
"The doctor said Grandma Hitoha's heart is weak," Mitsuha continued. "The fainting over the weekend may have been because of that. He found no signs of heart attack or anything serious, but he said that her heart's pumping ability is compromised, and that's why she should avoid agitation, over-exertion and anything that might stimulate strong emotions that can speed up her heart too much."
"Mitsuha, I'm not going to stop doing my tasks because of what a doctor says. He said I could live my normal life," said Hitoha trying to dismiss her granddaughter's words.
"He told you that you could go on with your life, but that you could not become agitated, make major efforts or experience strong emotions, or your heart might fail, you might faint or even... or even have a seizure. And that can kill you!" concluded Mitsuha, crossing her arms, in an attitude of defiance to the old woman.
"Can she die?" said Yotsuha, feeling her eyes begin to fill with tears.
Hitoha sighed, closing her eyes, and surrendering to fighting with Mitsuha. She turned to Yotsuha again, and tried to calm the girl down.
"Yotsuha, I'm an old woman now. You may not have noticed, but I could have died any day now for years. If Musubi has been generous in giving me a long life, it's because I had to take care of you two. But you can take care of yourselves now. You don't need me like you used to."
"We need you, don't say that! I need you!" Yotsuha cried with tears streaming down her face, her face contorted in pain.
"I told you not to alarm the child!" said an annoyed Hitoha mumbling in Mitsuha's direction.
"I can't lie to my sister. But it's true that grandma is fine for now, Yotsuha. And look, they left her some medicine to take in the mornings and evenings. She should take one already. Come with me to the kitchen, and I'll show you. And don't keep crying, remember we don't want Grandma to get agitated."
Yotsuha stood up still hiccupping, and followed her sister into the kitchen.
"We'll get you a glass of water and the medicine, Grandma. Stay here and get some rest in the meantime," ordered Mitsuha.
Mitsuha showed the prescription to Yotsuha and they examined the bottles they received at the hospital. Mitsuha explained the instructions in detail to her sister, and let the girl take out the two pills and set them aside for the night. Yotsuha put them in a small dish, took out fresh water in a glass and brought them to the old woman.
"Grandma, I'm going to go get ready to go back to Tokyo," said Mitsuha from the entrance of the room.
"Are you not staying?" Yotsuha asked in surprise, turning to her sister.
Mitsuha shook his head.
"I have to go back to the office tomorrow. So, you will have to go on with your normal live. Do you need me to cook you something for dinner now?"
"No, I'll handle it," said Yotsuha, in a determined voice.
"Then I'll go get ready," said Mitsuha, walking away down the hallway toward one of the bedrooms.
Twenty minutes later Mitsuha was walking out the door of her grandmother's house, followed by Yotsuha who accompanied her to the street.
"Take care of yourself, my little sister, and take care of grandma," said Mitsuha turning to her sister, and giving her a little bow standing outside the door.
Yotsuha stared at her, as if hesitating, and in the end took two steps forward and gave her a tight hug by sinking her head into her sister's neck, as if hiding.
"Don't leave us alone again. Not now," Yotsuha asked in a compassionate voice.
"You know that I distanced myself from Grandma because our relationship had deteriorated. Not because I didn't love you. But now I feel things are better. We're going to be talking every day, okay?"
The teenager separated from her sister and made a small affirmative gesture with her head.
"And I also need you to be well," Mitsuha continued. "If you're worried about Grandma, it's because you understand that this is not a dream, that it's all real. So real that if something bad were to happen to you, Grandma and I will suffer a lot. So, you're going to take good care of yourself. Really, aren't you?"
"Yes, I will," replied the younger sister. "Now I know that this reality is my world. But I'm going to look for answers. I'm not going to stand by and not know why all this is happening to us."
"All right. But don't obsess about it, okay?"
The light of a vehicle turning into the street illuminated them. Mitsuha now took two steps and hugged her sister goodbye.
"Here comes my cab. Take care, sis. I love you."
"I love you too."
Yotsuha watched her sister drive away. When the car disappeared from the street, the silence that remained seemed strange to her. The last two weeks of her life had been crazy; now she was back to a new normal with a weakened and sick grandmother, but she felt she could cope. But in this new reality, she felt she was no longer a mere pawn dragged along by the circumstances of a game of which she had no idea. Knowledge was power. And she wanted that power to protect her present and her future.
§
Taki opened his apartment's door and said aloud "I'm home" just out of habit. He knew no one was home and no one would answer. He stood in the hallway looking around the kitchen and dining room. Everything was still the same as it had been on Friday, just a few days before. But he felt strange in his own home, as if he were already someone else, and that it had not been days, but years.
Taki put these strange ideas down to fatigue. Everything had gone well in the meetings. The work had been a marathon, exhausting and stressful, but the reception of Ouzumi Construction's proposals by the Nagoya city council authorities had been very good. They had even had a final lunch at a fine restaurant a few hours earlier. It had been fantastic. But exhausting.
Taki just drank a glass of water in the kitchen and went immediately to his bedroom. He left the travel bag under his drawing table, hung his jacket and tie on the chair and dropped onto the bed heavily, closing his eyes.
The evening light coming through the window was beginning to fade, but it was enough to bother Taki even with his eyes closed. He turned his head the other way and looked at the time on his phone. It was past six o'clock in the evening. He noticed that there was barely 4% battery left on the device. He thought about charging the phone, but he was so tired that he didn't have the strength to do it. He closed his eyes and fell fast asleep.
When Taki opened his eyes again, he woke up with a start. The room was now completely dark. He had a strange feeling that he had been awakened by some familiar sound, but his drowsy mind had failed to grasp what it was.
Taki listened to his ears and then heard a knock on the door of the apartment. Then the doorbell rang. So he realized that was what had woken him tried to press a button on the phone to see the time, but the screen did not light up. Only an image of a red, empty battery appeared, which blinked a couple of times before the screen went back to black. So he didn't know what time it was, but from the darkness in the room he had no doubt that it was already night.
The doorbell rang again insistently, so Taki hurried to the door, still somewhat sleepy. He felt that maybe he had slept too many hours, but he didn't know how many. Could it be his father had perhaps forgotten his keys? He remembered that his dad used to come back later on Tuesdays, usually after nine o'clock at night.
The doorbell rang again just as Taki opened the door. He was met head on by a surprised girl who jumped back a little as the door swung open towards her. It was Mitsuha, looking at him with a face of surprise and concern, which in a second changed to a face of relief and happiness.
"Taki, you're all right!" said the girl, jumping into the boy's arms, even more surprised than she was.
"Mitsuha? What are you doing here? How did you get here?"
"I... I'm sorry, I was worried about you, are you okay?" asked Mitsuha, pulling away from the boy and giving him a quick visual inspection.
"Yes, I'm fine, did something happen?" Taki answered confused.
"I was calling you all the way from Shizuoka and you didn't answer! I was worried that something bad had happened to you on the way back home."
"It's okay, I'm fine, it's just that my phone discharged. I got home early and overslept, and..."
"But why didn't you let me know that you had arrived home safely?" complained Mitsuha with a resentful voice tone "I didn't know if you were all right and I wanted to see you, and I didn't know where else to look for you, and..."
Mitsuha felt guilty about invading Taki's private space without his consent. She unconsciously took a step backward.
"And forgive me for coming unannounced, I'm sorry," said Mitsuha looking down.
"It's okay, Mitsuha, relax, this was my fault. But I'm sorry, I'm being a lousy host! Come in, I'm just waking up and I'm still in a bit of a daze..."
Taki entered the apartment and turned on the lights. The entrance and hallway suddenly lit up. He and Mitsuha had to squint for a second at the sudden change in brightness.
Mitsuha entered the apartment feeling somewhat self-conscious.
"Thank you for receiving me, Taki," said Mitsuha, bowing slightly.
"Welcome home. Come in, hand me your bag and here, you can use these," said Taki handing the girl a pair of visitor's slippers.
Mitsuha handed her bag to him and left her shoes next to Taki's, and put on her slippers.
"I hope I'm not a bother," said Mitsuha.
"You're not, but I don't think the house is too tidy to receive visitors," said Taki excusing himself. "Come in, you can sit in the dining room."
Taki left Mitsuha's bag on the side of the dining table and walked into the kitchen.
"Are you thirsty? I can offer you something to drink, let's see..." said Taki inspecting the fridge. "There's beer, iced tea and... uhm, apple juice."
But he got no response. Taki closed the refrigerator door and peeked back into the dining room entrance. He saw Mitsuha pale, her hands covering her mouth, her eyes almost bulging out of their sockets as she looked around the room.
"I'm sorry, is something bothering you? Is it too cluttered?" Taki asked nervously, also looking around at the furniture cluttered with books, some forming piles on the floor.
"Taki, this is..." said Mitsuha looking at the young man.
"What is it? Is something wrong?" asked Taki, puzzled, not understanding what was wrong with the girl.
"It's... your apartment, it's almost the same... the same as what I see in my memories."
Mitsuha took a few steps into the dining room, and gently ran her hand over the surface of the table, feeling the slight roughness of the wood between her fingers. It was the same table, the same feeling she had felt even nine years ago.
Taki suddenly understood what was going through Mitsuha's mind. This was the first time she had returned to his apartment, of course this time inside her own body. He imagined the euphoria of memories and sensations that must now be sweeping through her.
"Well, not everything is the same, we have changed a few things over the years..." said Taki, almost as if excusing himself.
Mitsuha looked at Taki with tears of happiness in her eyes.
"Seeing all this, it's... it's... it's the feeling that I really did live here. That I really was here, this is proof that I... was you... that all my memories are real," said Mitsuha with a smile.
Taki could not hold back, and without thinking advanced towards her and hugged her.
"Now we have to form new memories. No longer your memories, or my memories, but our memories," said Taki, leaning his head on hers.
Mitsuha let herself go and hugged Taki tightly.
"I needed so much to be with you again..." said the girl sinking into Taki's body in her embrace.
Suddenly an idea flashed through Mitsuha's head and almost without thinking she broke away from Taki.
"Wait, is your dad here?" she asked frightened, feeling that she would be scolded for seeing them like this.
"No, we are alone. He should... wait, what time is it?" Taki asked confused.
"It's after eight o'clock," said Mitsuha." She took out her phone and checked it. "It's almost half past eight."
"Then Dad's not due yet. He's usually arriving late on Tuesdays. Wait... Have you had dinner yet?"
Mitsuha shook her head.
"Me neither," said Taki with a smile. "Then I'll make you some dinner today, although I'll have to see what we have..."
"You don't have to bother!" said Mitsuha.
'How could I not bother? I had to prepare something anyway, so having you as my guest now is a pleasure, not a bother."
"Then it's all right," said Mitsuha, relaxing.
Mitsuha walked over to one of the walls of the room and looked at the paintings that decorated it. There were several that she remembered seeing in her memories of 2016, but one captured her full attention.
"Oh, this is...?"
Mitsuha looked at a black and white image of a building, wooden with European architecture, with a clock tower in the center. She felt her heart miss a beat at the sight of that image.
"Yes, it's Itomori," said Taki approaching her. "It's a view of the elementary school. The one you could see from your house."
"That was my primary," said Mitsuha, speaking as if in a whisper. "How come you have that image?"
"Didn't I tell you that for a long time I was obsessed with Itomori, although I didn't know why? In fact, I have many books about Itomori and the 2013 incident. And when I found that print, I couldn't help but buy it. Also... look, come with me."
Taki took Mitsuha's hand, and led her to his bedroom. Taki entered and turned on the light in his room.
"Come in," said Taki, seeing that Mitsuha was standing still in the doorway. "Hey... Are you feeling all right?"
Mitsuha leaned against the doorframe, and came into the bedroom, gawking.
"This... it's so real... I feel like it was all a dream before, but a dream I can remember now," said Mitsuha, excited.
The girl took a couple of timid steps into the room, her hands clasped over her chest, as if she were in a priceless museum and could not touch anything.
'Well, it's as real as it's ever been," said Taki.
"For you it was always real, but for me just a few days ago it became a vivid memory, and now that I can see it with my own eyes it's... it's something incredible. Hey, wait, did you change the table?" asked Mitsuha in surprise at a new type of table that occupied what used to be Taki's wooden desk. It was a metal table with a horizontal base, just like a normal table, but on top of that base was a large flat glass, which was mounted on a hinge, and was tilted at about 45 degrees.
"That's my drawing board. Have you forgotten that I'm an architect?"
"I'm sorry, it's just that everything is almost the same, but that table surprised me," Mitsuha replied with a smile. "And I see you now have even more books!" said Mitsuha pointing to the bookcase at the back of the room.
"Well, I told you that I've been getting new books…"
"And that's why you have more piles of books on the floor than before, or am I wrong?"
"Yes, well, I had to make room for the ones I now have from Itomori," said Taki with a wink. "But that's not the important thing I wanted to show you. Look..."
Taki pulled out a blue folder from among the books, and looked around for where the two of them could sit, but there was only one chair in the room, so he pointed to the bed behind Mitsuha.
"If you want, you can sit there, if you don't mind."
The girl looked at the bed, and sat down on the spot closest to the bookcase.
Taki took the chair and stood in front of her.
"These are the sketches I made in 2016, when I went to look for you in Itomori," said Taki opening the folder and putting it in Mitsuha's hands.
The girl looked closely at the first work, and came upon an exquisite drawing of an arch bridge.
"This is...!" but Mitsuha could not continue speaking.
Taki just nodded.
Mitsuha went through the drawings one by one, marveling at the detail.
"But these, you copied them from books?" she asked in amazement.
"No, I did all of those in 2016, just from the memories I had of our swaps. Those images came and went in my head, like remembering a dream. Some of them I had to redo several times, until I got to those you are seeing."
"And how did you know they were the right images?" asked Mitsuha, puzzled.
"I don't know, I just felt that everything was in place. After that trip, when I forgot everything about us, I continued to feel a mysterious attraction to Itomori. And then when I looked at the drawings you have in your hand, I realized that they were very similar to the images I found in the books. But I didn't understand how I had drawn something like that. In the end I was convinced that it was because I remembered images that were in the news or on TV, and that somehow three years later they had resurfaced in my mind. I could never figure out the real cause..."
"They are... these drawings are wonderful," said Mitsuha, feeling her eyes water. Until she passed one more sheet, and came across an image so familiar that it took her several seconds to understand what she was looking at. It was her room in Itomori.
Mitsuha covered her mouth, to stifle a moan of surprise, pain and joy, all at the same time. She felt tears flowing down her hand and wrist that she could not control.
Taki stood up and sat on the bed next to her. He ran his hand over the girl's shoulder, bringing her towards him, as he gently took the folder with the sketches out of her hands.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel sad."
"No, it's not that... it's just that, that's wonderful. It's to see again something that no longer exists, and that was only in my memory, in your memories... And in your drawings! It's... wonderful," said Mitsuha looking up at Taki, smiling as more tears fell down her cheeks. "Thank you, Taki, thank you for showing me that."
Taki carefully put the folder on the floor, and picked up Mitsuha with both arms, sheltering her.
"I didn't expect to see you today, I didn't expect to have you here with me today. And I didn't expect... to be able to hug you again, Mitsuha," said Taki stroking Mitsuha's hair as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Why are you telling me this, Taki? You've been... different since the weekend. And that's also why I wanted to see you today and talk to you. Did something happen in Nagoya?" said Mitsuha, hugging Taki around the waist, not wanting to look him in the face. She closed her eyes, afraid of the boy's answer.
Taki was silent, and continued to stroke the girl's hair for long seconds before he could respond.
"I... I love you with all my heart, Mitsuha. And I want you to be happy, but I'm afraid that, no matter how much I love you, I... I can't give you the happiness you're looking for."
Mitsuha opened her eyes, and sat up, looking directly into Taki's eyes, but the young man averted her gaze.
"Taki... you said you love me, and you know that I love you too, so what are you talking about?"
"Mitsuha, I... when I talked to your grandmother on Saturday," said Taki in a sorrowful tone, "she explained that your destiny is... is to be the heir to your family's legacy, the heir to the Miyamizu family. And I felt that your grandmother was right. But I also know that you don't want that, I know that you want to live your life in Tokyo, that you want to be a successful businesswoman. What if my destiny was to make you be that Miyamizu woman your grandmother talks about, the one you don't want to be?"
"You mean my destiny is for me to become a Shinto shrine miko maiden again?" asked Mitsuha in astonishment.
"Yes. That's what I understood from my conversation with your grandmother. And the bad thing is that I think that... it might be real. And I... I don't want to betray your dreams, Mitsuha. I don't want to transform you into someone you don't want to be. And maybe, because of that, if we are together, I might not be able to give you the happiness that you are looking for... and I would actually be a hindrance in your way..."
Mitsuha stood up violently.
"No, no, no...' said Mitsuha in a hoarse tone, "You can't... You mustn't let yourself be taken in by my grandmother! I love you and you love me, and we got free. You freed us from Itomori! Don't you remember? Now we are free, and now we are in this together! We can make of our lives what we want, we no longer have to be tied to the traditions of a shrine that no longer exists! Itomori no longer exists, Taki!"
"But Mitsuha, what happened to us is not normal, that I was able to go back in time and save you is not normal. Nothing is normal. And what if the god of the shrine, Musubi, agreed to send me back to save you, that was for a reason, and what if that god wants something in return for having saved you, like that shrine-"
"Taki, ITOMORI-NO-LONGER-EXISTS!" said Mitsuha, shouting in exasperation. "True, we owe Musubi our lives, but he freed us from that village for a good reason, and we don't have to go back there anymore... We can't, Taki! We are free, FREE!"
Taki gaped at the girl, who stared at him with her eyes sparkling, breathing heavily. He had never seen her like that and could not say anything else to her.
Mitsuha also didn't know what else to say and realized that her heart was beating almost out of control in her chest. She closed her eyes trying to calm herself.
"Mitsuha, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry," said Taki sheepishly.
Mitsuha opened her eyes and shook her head.
"No, it's not your fault, I know you're thinking about what's best for me, but there are too many things you don't know. And my grandmother can be very good at bamboozling you with her honeyed words."
"But what if she is right about something she told me?" Taki tried to retort. "Even when I last returned to Itomori on the day of the comet, your grandmother knew about the exchanges, she experienced them herself. So she might not be wrong at all."
"But she didn't live through us, Taki. Only we know what we lived through, and I..."
Mitsuha paused. She took a deep breath, and sat back down on the bed next to Taki, hands on her knees, staring at a spot on the floor as she sorted out her thoughts.
"Do you know what happened just the day before our exchanges began?" Mitsuha asked almost rhetorically as she looked Taki back in the face.
Taki shook his head, not knowing where Mitsuha was going with that question.
"That day before, no, rather, that night," she continued, "was the night Yotsuha and I did the Kagura dance ceremony where we prepared the kuchikamizake. Yotsuha and I danced in the shrine's pavilion... and then we chewed the white rice in front of everyone, and spit it into little wooden boxes. In front of all the people in the village who came to watch the ceremony."
"Did you do that in front of everyone?" Taki asked in amazement, knowing how shy Mitsuha was at that time. He couldn't imagine her doing that.
"Yes, and I swear I was so embarrassed. And to top it off that night Teruki-san's group also came, and they made fun of me while we were doing the ceremony."
"Those were the boy and girls in your class that always bothered you, weren't they?"
Mitsuha nodded weakly.
"That night I felt so bad that when it was all over and when we were returning home, I was so frustrated that I shouted at the top of my lungs a request to Musubi from the steps of the shrine. I asked him that in my next life I would be a handsome boy from Tokyo..."
Taki was shocked by this revelation.
"Wait... you asked for that and... the next day you were inside me?' Taki asked almost stammering.
Mitsuha nodded.
"So... you were the one who caused the exchanges? I mean, did Musubi do it because you asked him to?"
"I don't know, Taki, but I swear that when I asked for that, it was because I wanted to leave Itomori. I wanted to free myself from the slavery of the shrine. I didn't want to do any more rituals that no one cared about, and be the mockery of my peers. I wanted to stop being the daughter of the corrupt mayor of the village... I wanted to be free! And if Musubi listened to me and fulfilled my wish by sending me to your body, then it's because he agreed with all that, don't you see?"
"So... he chose me, because I was just a boy from Tokyo?" asked Taki in astonishment.
"A handsome boy from Tokyo," Mitsuha corrected him, blushing slightly.
Taki looked at Mitsuha, his head a whirlwind of ideas. He couldn't hold it in any longer and stood up.
"But... if Musubi had chosen another guy instead of me... would you then have fallen in love with someone else instead of me?" asked Taki suddenly feeling like someone replaceable.
"What? No!" cried Mitsuha, "You can't say that! I... I don't know why Musubi chose you, but I fell in love with you because of who you are. It was you, with your care for me, who won my heart. And it was you who was willing to travel all the way to Itomori risking your life just to save me. Who of your friends would have done that? No one, Taki, no one!"
"But, if Musubi really chose me to save you, and to save the lives of everyone in the village... Was our falling in love part of that plan?" Taki asked, more thinking out loud to himself.
"Does it matter? Taki, I'm the one who fell in love with you. It wasn't Musubi, it wasn't my grandmother, and it doesn't matter to anyone but us. No one controls how I feel about you. These are my feelings, Taki. My feelings! If Musubi planned to place you in my path, I can only thank him. But my feelings for you are mine and mine alone, do you understand? I chose to be with you. I am not a pawn on the board. I will not be a piece in anyone's game! So, forget what my grandmother told you, Taki. Yes, I am the heiress of the Miyamizu family, but that inheritance disappeared along with Itomori. Now I am free, we are free!"
Mitsuha stood up and hugged Taki tightly.
"Do you accept that we are together because we sought each other out? In spite of forgetting? In spite of the gods' opposition?"
Taki felt guilty for having taken the situation to this extreme. His doubts had even set Mitsuha off, something he had never seen. And he felt that the girl was right.
"Forgive me for doubting," Taki finally said. "When I set out to save you, and then when I promised to find you again, my purpose was to make you happy. And I am... I was afraid that now I would be a hindrance to your true happiness."
"You are my happiness now, Taki," Mitsuha said softly. "Come with me."
Mitsuha separated from Taki, and sat down again on Taki's bed, but this time near the headboard. She gave a few small taps with her left hand on the mattress, inviting Taki to sit next to her.
Taki stared at Mitsuha for a second, hesitating, but then sat down next to her. Mitsuha hugged him around the waist and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I choose you today, here, in your home, Taki. I choose you. Not Musubi, not my grandmother. Do you choose me over the ancient traditions, Taki?"
"All right," Taki replied, surrendering to Mitsuha's logic, "I choose you, and I will follow you on your path, whichever path you choose, Mitsuha. Let's walk that path together."
"It is not my way. Let it be our way."
Taki began to caress Mitsuha's face, then took her chin, lifted it and kissed her on the mouth.
Mitsuha closed her eyes and let herself go. She kissed Taki passionately, and suddenly felt as if the outside world became a blur. A strange dizziness surrounded her, and without realizing how, she realized that she had fallen onto her side on the bed while kissing Taki.
Mitsuha felt as if time around her slowed down. She kept kissing the boy until she realized that her heart was beating uncontrollably. She pulled away from Taki slightly and smiled at the boy, looking him straight in his eyes, feeling her face warm.
"Promise me that you will always be with me," Mitsuha asked, trying to catch her breath.
"I promise you, Mitsuha, I promise I will follow you and be with you wherever you are," Taki replied, also breathing heavily.
Mitsuha laughed in happiness, and sank her head into Taki's neck, hugging him tightly.
The girl realized that they were both going too fast, and that it was better to calm down, so she closed her eyes as she hugged him, clinging to him, but only feeling the warmth of the boy's body through her clothes.
Taki also closed his eyes, hugging her and gently stroking her head, while his breathing slowly began to return to normal.
Time suddenly seemed to stop, both trying to feel the closeness of the other, and thanks to the exhaustion of a long day and the intense emotions accumulated, the two fell asleep, cuddled together on the bed.