Chapter 18 — Alisha and Kara

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"And you brought me here because..." Kara prompted once the waitress was done taking their order.

"I'll tell you everything after our food arrives," Alisha replied, lifting her tea to her mouth. She almost smiled at the way Kara's mouth flattened, the gesture so similar to Frankie, clearly impatient to know why Alisha insisted on driving across town to eat lunch rather than grabbing something at the White House.

Still, Kara didn't push further. Instead, she took a sip of her drink, wrinkling her nose. "How do you drink this stuff?"

"The real question is why you're drinking tea when Danny's nowhere in sight," Alisha replied.

That drew a groan. "He has spies. And Mike is just as bad now that everyone knows that Maddie's pregnant. The other day he told Sam not to serve either of us more than one cup of coffee a day. It's worse than the water rations back before Serrana Bank."

Snorting, Alisha took a sip of her own chai latte. It was almost as good as the ones that Sam made. Of course, they weren't here for the drinks, or the food. They were here because Alisha wanted to have a conversation without being interrupted by Danny or Frankie or Mike or, well, anyone.

Abruptly deciding that there was no reason to wait for their food, Alisha set her cup down. "The Kenyan government asked Azima to consider returning. They are beginning to rebuild their own Navy and have offered her whatever position she wants, either running her own team or moving into training."

Freezing with her water halfway to her mouth, apparently still trying to wash away the taste of her tea, Kara's eyes softened. "Oh Al. I'm sorry. Is Azima going to take it?"

Alisha recalled the way Azima's face lit up when she opened the letter, then fell as she looked up to share the news with Alisha. Because they both instantly understood, without it needing to be said, that, if Azima left, she would be going alone. Because even without the issues of being in a same-sex relationship in a place were such relationships were deeply frowned upon, Alisha couldn't leave St. Louis or the US Navy. Not now, when they were just beginning to turn the corner from surviving to actually rebuilding.

Of course, that was also the reason Alisha couldn't ask Azima to turn down the offer — because Azima needed to go for all the reasons that Alisha needed to stay.

Duty came first.

Funny how different it was to be the one left behind. With Sarah, it was always Alisha doing the leaving. Perhaps that was why, when Alisha imagined all the ways that a potential relationship with Azima might end, Azima taking a duty post half a world away hadn't come to mind.

"How can she say no?" Alisha replied, shrugging.

Kara frowned. "We need her here too. There's so much to do."

Alisha set her cup down. "If the Nathan James shipped out right now, would you expect Danny to leave the crew high and dry and stay here?"

"Well, no," Kara admitted. "But that would be four months, six at most. And he would still be based out of St. Louis. If Azima takes this position, she might not return at all."

Alisha glanced away, throat tight. "I know."

Their food arrived just then, and Alisha found herself smiling at Kara's lunch, which consisted of a cheese quesadilla, french fries smothered in cheese, and a side of macaroni and cheese. Kara might claim that she wasn't having cravings, but she was clearly in denial. Alisha tried to recall if a craving for dairy meant a boy or a girl.

Kara waited until their server was gone before lifting a fry. "I am sorry, Al. never would have pushed you to hook up with Azima if I thought that she might leave. The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt. Not after what happened to Sarah."

"I know." Alisha fiddled with her napkin, then looked up, wondering how to explain to Kara that this wasn't like with Sarah. There was sadness, yes, but also acceptance. Because, unlike finding out that Sarah had died months before Alisha even learned about the virus, Azima being transferred to another country was something that Alisha understood. Almost like things were before the virus. And, somehow, the normalcy of it all made the thought of having her heart broken again a little less terrible. "When we made that pact, I was scared of getting hurt again. But, actually, I'm glad that you pushed. It made me realize that I can ... feel that way about someone else. I loved Sarah. I planned to spend the rest of my life with her. But she's gone and I need to move on too. Azima made me realize that I can move on. I will always be thankful for that."

Kara paused mid-swallow and then, out of nowhere, a tear appeared. Alisha gaped at Kara. "Are you ... crying?"

For half a second, Alisha thought that she must be imagining things, and then Kara angrily brushed at her cheek. "God, I hate being pregnant. This absolutely sucks. Just ignore me."

"I can't ignore the fact that you're crying," Alisha argued. She leaned forward. "Is something wrong between you and Danny?"

"No, of course not," Kara replied, the response so rote that Alisha snorted. Kara shook her head, grabbing another french fry to eat before finally sighing. "He might be going back to the field. The teams need more training but there isn't time between rotations. If he goes with them, he can do more in real time."

Alisha frowned, before tentatively offering. "That will just be for the short term though, right? He'll get the teams trained and then be back in St. Louis."

"Yes," Kara began, then paused. When Alisha said nothing, Kara continued. "It's absurd. I knew how much he deployed before we got together and I never imagined being the clingy wife. But having Frankie while he was gone was the hardest thing that I've ever done. I don't know if I can do it alone again."

Alisha blinked, suddenly realizing that she had never really considered what it had been like for Kara, with Danny and Alisha and pretty much everyone that Kara knew halfway across the world with no reliable means of communication. She reached out a hand, catching Kara's. "Even if Danny's gone, it won't be like it was before. You'll have me."

"Promise?" Kara sniffed.

"I promise," Alisha replied.

Kara started laughing. "I'm totally ridiculous. Back to you and Azima. When will you know for sure?"

Alisha looked down at her salad, before reaching across to take some fries. "We're having dinner on Friday."

"Call me after?" Kara asked.

"Of course."

Kara's eyes narrowed. "I mean it. If I don't hear from you by 2200, I'm coming over."

Alisha laughed. "I promise."