Chapter 30: A Withered Will
Shinichi was too excited to sleep. Witnessing a drop-off by complete accident on Heiji's part and getting a clear view of the vehicle and its plates? He could have been on cloud nine had the circumstances not been so dire.
Heiji's frustration at not having a search option was starting to get to him, though. It wasn't a search engine, after all, even if that sort of feature would make their task so much easier. Once more, he was struck with the desire to have a means to contact Kaito Kid, cursing himself for not bringing it up the last time Kid visited.
"… The professor might be able to help," he said as he pulled out his phone.
"Really? For somethin' like this?"
"Well, he's an inventor—he'd need to know how to code. Some of the inventions he's made wouldn't work if he didn't." He was about to call the man in question when he realized what time it was, and cursed his inability to keep track of the time in these types of situations.
"We'll have to call later, though," he said dejectedly as he indicated the clock.
"Four A.M.?!" cried Heiji, looking at his own watch. "How'd that happen?" Shinichi managed a small huff of a laugh. At least he wasn't the only one that happened to.
The two detectives regarded each other for a few moments.
"Ah… I'm not really sleepy," Heiji admitted.
"Me neither," said Shinichi.
"More footage surfin' it is!" With that enthusiastic proclamation, Heiji got back to sifting traffic videos. Shinichi shook himself to get the ache out of his knees and elbows before going back to his own laptop to continue the search with what little footage he had.
He couldn't focus. Every five minutes, he found himself checking the time. Every five minutes, he was disappointed that Agasa wasn't awake yet. Every five minutes, he wondered what the use of having so much knowledge was if he didn't have the information he needed right now.
He would need to add coding to his list of things to learn, even if he never needed it again after this.
He scowled balefully at the files in front of him. There wasn't much he could check besides the footage of Gin and Vodka. His stomach twisted, but he clicked the folder anyway. If he didn't look at it now, he would never be able to bring himself to look later.
Focusing primarily on where they went after leaving the building, Shinichi began the arduous task of following the two men with the traffic footage. It was strange to think that only a month ago, he would have leapt at this opportunity. Now it only reminded him that he should have just made Ran go home.
He should have just gone home himself. There wasn't any need to follow them, not when they had this system of footage to look at.
This is all my fault.
Despite being unable to change the past, the thought plowed through him, making him choke on a fresh wave of grief and guilt.
The computer screen blurred as his eyes stung, and he blinked furiously to clear his vision.
Focus, he scolded himself. Just finish reviewing this footage. He tracked Gin and Vodka through the streets as they got in Gin's unique car and drove away. He followed until he lost them, though he couldn't even bring himself to be upset about that. He just jotted down the location they disappeared, saving it for later contemplation.
He sighed as he fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, all the excitement from earlier gone. He felt so drained.
The bed dipped next to him after a few minutes, followed by a loud, exaggerated sigh.
"My retinas're toast," complained Heiji. Shinichi cast a glance over and discovered his friend similarly sprawled on the bed next to him. He weakly kicked at Heiji's arm.
"Get off my bed," he murmured.
"Nah… 'S too comfy."
Shinichi rolled his eyes, but didn't have enough energy to make a fuss. He continued to study his ceiling. He just wanted everything to be fixed. He wanted to be big again. He wanted Ran back. He wanted the huge secret organizations that ruined their lives gone. He was helpless to do anything about it.
He rolled over to face the wall, briefly checking the clock as he did so. It was 5 A.M. He sighed and closed his eyes, too tired to even think about going to school.
Heiji, as he rested his eyes, listened to the small teen's breath evening out, signifying he'd fallen asleep. The Osakan sighed again, wishing he could be of more help. He reached up to rub away the ache behind his temples.
Ugh; Imma need glasses if I keep this up, he thought. He shuddered. Kudo'd never let me live it down if I had ta get real glasses while he's wearin' fake ones…
A knock at the door startled him out of those silly thoughts. He opened his eyes and sat up. He glanced down to check that Shinichi had actually fallen asleep before getting up to open the door.
A pair of glasses greeted him.
He blinked a few times, willing the incredulous laugh that threatened to burst out back down, and looked at the man behind the glasses. Subaru stood there, an unassuming smile on his face. His guard went up.
"What d'you want?" he asked bluntly. The man smiled at him, unphased by the mild hostility.
"I merely wanted to discuss something with Shinichi-kun; he's usually awake about now." The reply was pleasant enough, but Heiji still felt suspicious. He narrowed his eyes.
"How important is it that ya come to him first thing in the mornin'?" The man let out a genial chuckle at the question.
"It's not that urgent—I merely wished to talk to him before school. It's not the end of the world if I don't speak with him now." Heiji relaxed, but left his guard up.
"Well, ya can't talk to 'im now—he was up all night an' just fell asleep. He won't make it ta school, so ya have all day after he wakes up."
"That's perfectly fine," said Subaru with a smile. "I won't disturb him—you needn't act like a bodyguard."
Heiji frowned as he watched the man disappear downstairs, his own fatigue forgotten for the moment.
Seriously, why the hell does Kudo keep that suspicious guy around? He shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets before deciding to raid Shinichi's fridge. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.
xXx
Shinichi woke up to the clacking of a keyboard. He opened his eyes, taking in the sunlight hitting the ceiling, and slowly sat up. The clock read 3 P.M. He missed school. He didn't care.
The clacking stopped for a moment, and he turned to find Heiji staring at him.
"Yer gonna turn into sleepin' beauty if yer not careful," he joked. When Shinichi didn't respond, he coughed awkwardly. "Oh right—yer creepy freeloader wanted to talk to ya."
"Subaru? Why?"
"Dunno; he didn't say," he replied with a shrug. Shinichi rubbed at his temples before sliding off the bed with a small sigh.
"Might as well go see what he wants," he mumbled, though he suspected it might be an update on the case search in America.
"He's in the kitchen!" called Heiji as Shinichi left the room. He grunted out an acknowledgement and slowly trudged to the stairs.
He paused on the landing, the smell of some sort of cooking wafting up to him. His stomach lurched and he found himself rushing to the toilet to throw up despite the fact that his stomach was empty. He dry heaved for several minutes before getting the reflex under control. He splashed some water on his face before schooling himself and forced himself to go down the stairs.
What normally would have smelled appealing sent spasms through his stomach as he neared the kitchen, the scent growing with every step. He found Subaru at the stove looking at a cookbook. He cleared his throat, stifling a gag as he did so. The man turned around and frowned upon seeing him.
"Shinichi-kun," he said, tone bordering on concerned, "when was the last time you ate?" Shinichi blinked a few times, taken aback by the question.
"Hattori said you wanted to talk to me," he said, ignoring the query altogether. Subaru's frown deepened as he studied the boy's face before turning to the fridge.
"I'll talk while you eat," he said sternly.
"I'm not hungry," countered Shinichi, stomach squirming again at the mere thought of food. A small voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Ran reminded him he hadn't eaten anything for at least two days, which could certainly account for some of the nausea.
Greif clawed its way up his throat at the small voice's similarity to Ran, and he found himself stifling another gag. Something was set on the island counter, and he barely registered being led to sit down.
"I'm sure you're not," came the gentle reply. "But like it or not, you're still a human being, and thus have certain needs which can't be ignored." A glass of ice water was set down in front of him. "Believe me, I do know what you're going through, even though the circumstances are very different."
That's right, he thought as he accepted the water. He was dating Akemi-san. And Akemi was dead. Ran was… well, she wasn't dead. There was still a chance she could come back.
He calmed down a little as he pondered that, then finally turned his attention to the plate of food Subaru had laid out for him. He raised an eyebrow. Cold tofu.
"Don't most people recommend warm food?"
"Not if you're as nauseated as you look." Subaru paused and studied his face. "Just eat that first—if you regain your appetite, you can have something else."
Shinichi looked back at the plate. There was a bottle of soy sauce next to it, should he choose to use it, but his churning stomach immediately rejected the notion. He took a hesitant bite of the bland food, the cold sensation soothing his nerves more than he'd anticipated. He took another bite.
"Now," said Subaru when he was sure Shinichi was going to continue eating, "about the investigation on my side."
Shinichi perked up, but didn't stop eating just in case the man stopped talking.
"My people have been combing case files, and have succeeded in searching about half of the country, but—" He held up a hand at Shinichi's excited look— "But nothing turned up. They'll keep looking, but if they haven't found anything so far then your perpetrators aren't in the States."
Shinichi nodded. Technically, that was a good thing. If they weren't there, the possibility of it being a local threat rose. On the other hand, he had no way of knowing if they were working in a separate country, either. And since it wasn't a US problem, he couldn't ask the FBI to help him—they were already breaking rules by secretly investigating the Black Organization in Japan. He hummed thoughtfully as he sipped on his water.
"Alright," he said with a frown. "So the FBI can't help." Subaru gave him an apologetic smile. "It's a stretch, but…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you have any contacts in other countries that can check as well…?" Another apologetic smile was given.
"I do know a few people, but none with that kind of access. I wouldn't trust them to be discreet, either, so they wouldn't have been ideal choices anyway." He refilled Shinichi's cup. "I think if you focus on what you can do here, you'll eventually figure out whether or not they operate outside the country." Shinichi sighed and gave a tired nod.
"That's really the only thing I can do at this point…"
"Well, it's not the only thing," said Subaru, voice thoughtful. "You could see if Amuro-kun knows anyone who could help." Shinichi narrowed his eyes and pushed his plate away.
"I hope that's a joke," he said darkly. "I trust Amuro-san with many things, but secrets aren't one of them." Subaru smiled and gave a slight nod.
"It was merely a suggestion," he said, voice placating. "I'll continue to keep an eye out, and let you know if I come across anything." Shinichi only nodded as he finished the glass of water. He slid off the chair, leaving half of the tofu uneaten, while at the same time feeling slightly less nauseated.
I guess it works, huh? He found himself thinking. As he left the kitchen, he belatedly realized that the disguised man hadn't turned off his voice changer: something he typically did when speaking about important affairs like this. Of course, considering Heiji and Not-Shinichi were unaware of his identity, he supposed it made sense. Speaking of…
The clone was in the library, staring dolefully at Shinichi's case notes. He was still wearing the clothes he wore when he came home from the hospital. Shinichi's eyes narrowed. He'd need to change eventually. Ran's clothes were out of the question. That was something he didn't even want to consider. Given they were the same, Not-Shinichi probably felt the same way. At the same time, he selfishly wanted to keep his own wardrobe to himself. The need to separate himself from the clone was irrational at best.
I'm not even able to wear my clothes, the logical part of him scolded. Buying new ones is pretty pointless. He took in a deep breath to ground himself. They were clothes. Why was he getting so worked up about something so pointless? He shook his head to clear it and took one last glance at the clone before turning to go back upstairs. He still needed to look into Beika General Hospital.
At the very least, I have a time frame to go off of, he thought. It was fortunate, since he wasn't sure he'd be able to find anything out of the ordinary if he had to scour the hospital's entire history. The only question now was… what exactly was he looking for? Was an outsider responsible, or one of the staff members?
He was already back in his room before even realizing he'd climbed the stairs.
"You talk to the squatter?" asked Heiji the moment he heard him come in. Shinichi sighed.
"He's not a squatter—I told him he could stay here. My parents agreed to it, too."
"He's still creepy," said Heiji with a grimace. "I don't trust him." Shinichi rolled his eyes.
"You don't have to trust him," he sighed. "Technically, you don't even have to deal with him—it's your choice to be here, you know." Heiji pulled a dissatisfied face, but decided not to push it.
"So whatcha talk about?" he asked. "He said it wasn't anythin' pressing, so…"
"Well…" started Shinichi hesitantly. How much could he tell Heiji without revealing the disguised agent…? "You already know that he found out about everything…" A nod. "Well, since he found out, he's been keeping his eyes and ears peeled for anything unusual he thinks might be related." That was ambiguous enough.
"Guess he didn't find anythin' since he said it wasn't that important," said Heiji, sounding a little smug. Shinichi rolled his eyes again.
"Well, you're right about that," he said as he headed for his laptop. "Especially considering what you just discovered last night."
Heiji preened, chest puffing up in pride. Shinichi chuckled to himself. The Osakan detective being a bit full of himself was a small price to pay if it meant he didn't feel the need to pry.
"Oh, by the way," said Heiji, thoughts about Subaru long forgotten, "didja get what ya needed from those files I gave ya?"
"Yes and no."
"Yes and—what's that supposed ta mean?"
"Well…" He tapped the mousepad a few times to turn his laptop back on. "I found where the Jane Doe was dropped off—even witnessed part of it—but the camera's location made it so I couldn't follow the car in question. If it was even a car." He muttered the last part, realizing perhaps for the first time just how many different types of vehicles there were.
"It's still somethin'," came the consolation. He nodded. "An' the Crows?"
"Lost them near Suzaka," he sighed. Heiji sighed, too, slumping in his chair.
"Well…" he said slowly, "It'll take a lotta work, but since all the footage from that time was backed up, maybe we can find 'em again?" Shinichi shook his head.
"If you want to look you can, but…" He absently rubbed the space bar of his laptop. "Honestly? I just…. don't feel like it right now." Heiji hesitated, turning to look at Shinichi searchingly. Whatever he saw in Shinichi's expression was enough to make him pause. He looked between his friend and the computer a few times before huffing out a light sounding sigh.
"Well, it can't be that hard ta keep an eye out fer 'em," he said with a careless stretch. "Provided I know what I'm lookin' for." Shinichi frowned a bit as he searched his memory. He'd never... told Heiji about Gin's car, had he? Just Gin and Vodka, who went basically everywhere together. He blinked a few times, then sighed, realizing Heiji wasn't going to let it go no matter how disinterested he seemed.
"Just…" He massaged his temples. "Fine. It's a black Porsche 356A coup—not something seen very often, so it technically won't be that hard to spot." Heiji gave him another smug grin before turning back to the screen in front of him.
"That reminds me—were ya gonna ask the professor about potential program searching today?"
"… Yeah." God he was so tired. "Let me do that now." He pulled out his phone only to realize he'd forgotten to charge it. He clicked his tongue, disgusted with himself, as he plugged it in. "Be right back," he mumbled to Heiji and walked out of the room again.
He bumped into his clone at the font door.
They both froze, staring at each other, a tenseness tinging the air.
Once single word rose above the chaos and turmoil in his head at the appearance of the person he hadn't prepared himself to see today.
… Shit…