Hello, all. Good to be writing again.
"If I remember right, we'll be fighting Dodoria next," Gohan said.
"You mean I save your ass," Vegeta scoffed.
"Boo!" Trunks said. "You spoiled!"
"Honey, you knew this already," Bulma said.
"I know, but not like this," Trunks said. "Let's face it, it's funnier than our version. Less serious, but funnier."
The disclaimer plays.
Kaiserneko: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
The scene shifts to inside the spaceship with Dr. Briefs appearing in a small screen.
Dr. Briefs: Goku!
Goku: Hi, Dr. Briefs.
Dr. Briefs: Goku! What have you done? You've blasted off into space!
"Hey, Dr. Briefs always has his inventions ready," Goku smiled. "There was no need for any me to worry."
Bulma sighed. "You're just lucky us Briefs are efficient with our inventions."
Dr. Briefs: You're incredibly lucky I already set the coordinates for Namek, but you...
His quiets off, noticing Goku holding a muffin.
"Is that a…"
"Muffin button!" Marron and Goten cheered.
"Huh, would muffins be good space-food?" Trunks asked.
"Dehydrated is best," Vegeta said. "Takes up less space and is more compact, ready to be eaten."
Dr. Briefs: you... Where did you get that muffin?
Goku: Muffin button.
Dr. Briefs: But... I... never installed a muffin button...
"He didn't even build the muffin button?" Yamcha said.
"It's just a gag," Bulma shrugged. "Don't think too much of it."
"Yeah, like a muffin button would ever be relevant in the story," Piccolo said.
Goku: Then where did I get this muffin...?
Dr. Briefs: Listen very close, Goku. Whatever you do, don't fool with the gravity controls. It goes up to one hundred times Earth's normal gravity.
Goku: So what you're saying is... if I turn up the gravity, then I can get stronger!
"Too bad you and your dad can't make anything like the hyperbolic time chamber, Bulma," Goku said. "If they can set that up and the gravity, we'd have fun little work-out rooms."
"Huh…" Vegeta said. "That actually wasn't a terrible idea, Kakarot."
"But I never even started with time dilation," Bulma said before getting lost in thought. "But if time travel is illegal, time dilation may be the only time-based science I'm allowed. Right?"
"Speeding up the flow of time is fine," Whis said. "Just don't tamper with the flow with time travel and such and you should be fine. If simple time dilation was a crime, multiple similar concepts to that cute little chamber would be destroyed on sight and even Hit would have been killed years ago."
"Well, I got a new passion project," Bulma said. "I wonder if I can apply some of the time machine knowledge onto this. Not the same principle, but there could be some useful ideas."
"Just no time machines, got it?" Beerus warned. "Otherwise, I'll have no choice but to blow up the planet, and I'd rather keep your food around."
"Don't I get a say in this," Chi-chi said. "I don't want my husband constantly training!"
Goku is about to say something when Vegeta covers his mouth. "Kakarot, let me try something. Ahem. If Kakarot has his own little hyperbolic time chamber, training can be done in under 30 minutes so he'll have to spend time at home, all the time spent training will have him aging at the same rate as you so you can grow older together, and he might stop trying to go behind your back to train."
Chi-chi blinked before turning to Bulma. "Make the chamber, use Shenron if you have to."
Dr. Briefs: No! What I'm saying is it will crush your bones! The detrimental effects could be catastrophic! You may never walk again!
"That's the normal effect a gravity chamber would have on a human," Gohan said. "Those with ki have a bit more resistance, Saiyans even moreso."
Goku: Bored now. Gotta train. Bye-bye!
Dr. Briefs: Goku, wai-!
Goku pushes a button to turn off the TV.
Goku: ...I like his mustache.
"It's a good mustache," Mr. Satan nodded.
The opening plays and then the scene shifts to Dodoria rubbing "his" face from Krillin's surprise attack from last episode. Dodoria groans as "he" gets up.
Zarbon: Are you all right over there?
Dodoria: Yeah. Little bastards just hit me outta nowhere.
Zarbon: Oh, trust me, I know what it's like to take a hard one to the face.
"Are we going to just get innuendos from him?" Android 18 said.
"Could be worse," Krillin said.
Frieza: Good to see you're still conscious, Dodoria. Oh, and just so you know, it's not a big deal or anything, you might want to get right onto this one, but THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!
Dodoria (flies after Gohan and Krillin): RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
"Ahh, when my minions were semi-competent, those were the days," Frieza reminisced.
Dodoria chases after them and the screen shows Gohan and Krillin, the latter holding Dende, flying through the sky.
Krillin: Not gonna lie, Gohan, not your brightest move.
"I regret nothing," Gohan said, before giving Dende a comforting smile.
"I get that, but still," Krillin said. "You were just a kid, don't want you being hurt if I can."
Gohan: Oh come on, Krillin, we have a two mile lead on him. Factoring in our speed and velocity and his mass, there's no way he should be able to catch up...
"You forgot to factor in the effects of ki and the differences in power levels between you, Gohan," Goku chided. Meanwhile, everyone looked at him, causing a confused look. "What?"
Dodoria shoots a blast at them, trying to catch up.
Krillin: Well, look who's wrong!
Gohan: There's always room for error!
Gohan and Krillin dodge all of Dodoria's blasts before he fires another blast that grazes Krillin, making him drop Dende.
"Wait, but Dende can fly?" Videl said.
Dende shrugged. "I can, but not as fast as them. It was easier to just let them carry me and not give resistance."
Krillin (thinking while diving after Dende): Oh dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, damm-
Dodoria (grabs Krillin's ankle): Oh no you don't!
Frieza and Zarbon appear on the screen in the decimated Namekian village.
Zarbon: How do you think Dodoria's doing up there?
"Why aren't they showing us the fight?" Trunks moaned.
"Because my presence deserves more focus," Frieza said simply.
Frieza: We're talking about one of my finest soldiers. There's no way that they'll escape Dodoria's grasp...
Back to battle with Krillin headbutting Dodoria to break free of his grasp.
"…God damnit, Dodoria," Frieza groaned. He knew Dodoria had lost to Vegeta but not struggle this much with the earthings.
Dodoria: God dammit!
Back to Frieza and Zarbon.
Zarbon: But what if they have any tricks up their sleeves?
Frieza: Come now, Zarbon. We both know Dodoria would never let them out of sight...
Back to the battle with Krillin preparing to a Solar Flare.
Krillin: Solar Flare!
The light blinds Dodoria with an image of Frieza taking a shower being briefly seen.
"MY EYES!" Vegeta screamed, covering them.
"Wait, what?" Bulma said confused. She, Chi-chi, and Marron were looking at the others. The Z-Fighters, particularly Vegeta, were covering their eyes, rubbing them. Beerus and Whis had disgusted looks on their faces. And Frieza. He had turned pink.
"H-how dare they expose me like that!" Frieza roared. "What on earth was that technique?!"
"Can someone who can see the fast moving images explain what happened?" Chi-chi demanded.
"Frieza… naked… in shower!" Goku groaned, his eyes finally recovering.
"Oh."
Dodoria (covering "his" eyes): Goddammit!
Zarbon: Still, sir, we have to remember that Vegeta is on the planet.
Frieza: Oh, please. Like Vegeta could even lay a hand on Dodoria.
Dodoria is seen flying in the sky before getting attacked and knocked out of the sky, flying straight into the water.
"Ugh… that's better," Vegeta had nearly ripped his eyes out, getting it healed by Dende, before turning to Frieza. "How's it right being wrong all the time."
The warlord rolled his eyes. "You'd be more intimidating if your eyes weren't sill red."
Dodoria: GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Dodoria falls into the water and comes up gasping for breath, confronted by none other than...
Vegeta: 'Sup, bubblegum?
"Dodoria's more of a hot-pink color than bubblegum," Frieza said.
Dodoria: Vegeta! You got some serious balls to get the drop on me.
Vegeta: Funny you should mention that. I just happen to be looking for a set.
Dodoria: Well, look at you, Veggie. All grown up and out on your own. Trying to move up in the world.
Vegeta: And look at you. Packing away more bacon than Hormel.
"Is this going to be a scenario 1 or scenario 2, Mom?" Trunks asked.
"Scenario what?" Vegeta asked.
"It's nothing," Bulma said. "It's just that when you act this arrogant, two things happen. Either you get beaten back or you decimate your enemies with ridiculous ease." She turns to Trunks. "And Scenario 1."
"You did what?!"
Bulma just turns to the screen to continue watching.
Dodoria: Very funny. But you won't be laughing when Frieza finds your scrawny ass. So how 'bout I make you a deal? You hand over that pretty red scouter, and maybe I won't point Frieza in the right direction.
Vegeta (holds his scouter in his hand): Oh. You mean this scouter?
Dodoria: That's right.
Vegeta: Well, I'd be inclined to give it to you, but, you see, there's a problem with it.
Dodoria: And what would that be?
Vegeta proceeds to drop it and crush the scouter with his foot.
Vegeta: It's broken.
"Why did you even bring the scouter?" Frieza demanded. "Just to piss us off?"
Vegeta just gives Frieza a cocky smirk.
Goten looked at them both. "Scenario 1 or 2?"
"Shut up!"
Frieza looked at the second son of Goku. "Scenario 2."
"I said shut up!"
Dodoria: Blagh! You fool! Now you're as blind as the rest of us.
Vegeta: Not quite. See, while I was on Earth, I learned a new trick. I can sense energy.
"Wait, how did you master that?" Roshi asked.
"Hmph!" Vegeta gave his smirk. "On earth, I noticed you all doing some sort of similar technique. I merely appropriated it for myself. Child's play, really."
Dodoria: How the hell'd you do that?
Vegeta: Uuhna.
Dodoria: Wait a minute! I get it now! Those little bastards I was chasing were Earthlings! You sent them to lure me away from Frieza!
Vegeta: I'm sorry, but at this point, all I hear is, "Hit me Vegeta! Please kill me! God, this armor makes me look fat!"
Vegeta gave a chuckle. "It does."
Dodoria: THAT'S IT!
Dodoria begins firing a couple of blasts in Vegeta's direction.
Dodoria: MOUTHY! LITTLE! PRICK!
Vegeta (appears behind Dodoria unharmed): Where ya aimin', dugong?
Dodoria: Uggghhh!
"He" swings a punch at Vegeta, who effortlessly catches "his" arm.
"As you can see," Bulma said, narrating, "in scenario 1, Vegeta can counter almost every move his opponent makes with ease."
Vegeta (jumps as Dodoria tries to spin kick him): Uppsy-daisy!
Vegeta easily grabs Dodoria's other arm and pulls both of them behind "his" back.
"He'll then take it slowly, relishing the feeling of superiority."
Dodoria: Aaaaaah!
Vegeta: Any last words, before I take you apart like a pink potato head?
Dodoria: W-Wait! I can tell you what really happened to your planet!
Vegeta: You mean that Frieza blew it up?
Dodoria: No, thatFriezablewitup...! What?
Vegeta: Really should have told Frieza to keep off the Twitter.
"Do you guys actually have social media up there?" Gohan asked.
Whis nods. "The gods have their own network, but space has a decent social media itself. Though Frieza had destroyed most of the planets that had bad-mouthed him."
Vegeta snorted. "He once had a hissy fit because a planet his brother had control of called him short-"
He dodges a ki blast from an angry Frieza.
There's a shot of Frieza's SpaceTwitter page, then cuts back to show Vegeta begins tightening his grip on Dodoria.
Dodoria: Please. Don't kill me. I beg ya. Don't kill me-e-e.
Vegeta: Look at you, Dodoria. You were always so damn proud. And now here you are, crying like a woman!
Dodoria: I AM a woman!
The group just gets quiet as they stare at the screen, even Frieza.
Vegeta: Wh- What?
Dodoria: I said I AM a woman.
Vegeta: WHAT?!
"W-well… that's a change," Frieza said, a bit lost for words.
The scene shifts to Gohan and Krillin, who is once again holding Dende, in the sky after escaping from Dodoria.
Krillin: Well, good thing I was there to get us out of that one.
Gohan: Well, yeah, but... Why didn't you use your Kienzan?
"Yeah… that would have killed Dodoria when he was blinded," Gohan realized. "Why didn't you?"
"Look, back then I was in flight mode, not fight mode," Krillin defended. "I was looking out for you and Dende."
Krillin: Hey, look, I even saved this thing! Can you fly, little guy?
Dende: My name is Dende.
Dende starts flying in the air.
Dende: And yes, we all learned when we are children.
Gohan: You know, you should probably stick with us.
Dende: Considering it is either that, or going back to meet the same fate as my brother and father... I am weighing my options...
"Hey!" Gohan and Krillin said. Dende just chuckled.
"Still weighting them by the way."
Krillin: I like you! I'm gonna call you Little Green!
Dende: My name is Dende.
Krillin: Come on, Little Green, let's go introduce you to Bulma.
Everyone starts to fly away and the scene cuts back to Vegeta, with darkened eyes, listening to Dodoria's speech.
Dodoria: ...And that's why I was considered the most beautiful—and fertile—woman on my home planet. Before Frieza blew it up.
Vegeta: He tends to do that. Also, huuuugh.
"Does anyone have a barf bag?" Vegeta asked.
Whis waved his staff and one appeared to him.
"Thank you." He proceeded to blow chunks.
"D-did you really blow up Dodoria's planet?" Chi-chi asked, trying to change the subject.
Frieza jumped onboard immediately. "Oh, no. He served me, I merely enslaved it. My empire can't be an empire without people to rule over, after all."
Dodoria: So now you know the truth, Vegeta.
Vegeta: Yes, I do. And now I'm going to start repressing the truth! And the first step is killing you.
Dodoria: W-w-wait! You and I, w-we could team up against Frieza! Rule the universe as husband and wife.
Vegeta gave the screen another horrified look before throwing up again into the barf bag.
Vegeta: Repressing in 5...
Dodoria is seen being panicked.
Vegeta: 4... 3...
Dodoria begins to flee.
Vegeta: 2... 1...
He fires an energy wave at Dodoria, obliterating "her."
Vegeta: Aaaand repressed.
"We all need some repression after that," Krillin said. Vegeta nodded as he continued to throw up.
The scene shifts to Gohan, Krillin, and Dende arriving at the cave where Bulma is hiding.
Gohan: Krillin, that's the cave!
Krillin: Hey, Bulma. You clean up in there? We have guests.
A roaring sound is heard from inside the cave.
"Oh, she must be in a good mood," Goku smiled.
"Yeah, it was just a roar," Vegeta nodded, before turning back and continuing to throw up into the barf bag. He hadn't recovered fully yet.
Dende: I do not think I want to go in there.
Krillin: Ah, don't worry... That's just Bulma.
Dende: I do not know what this "Bulma" is, but it sounds needy.
"I am not needy!"
The trio are seen in front of a capsule house.
"Well at least you were nice and cozy during the adventure," Gohan said. "Not as much danger from Frieza and his men."
"Yeah, but I feel a tad left out," Bulma said.
"Better that than you get hurt," Krillin said.
Krillin: Hey, Bulma, open up!
Bulma opens the door.
Bulma: Hm? Well, if it isn't Mr. Super Soaker himself.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot Show-you did that a few episodes ago."
"You were wearing nothing but your underwear for weeks!"
Bulma: What happened? Got tired of abandoning me and found something else to abandon?
Krillin (as Dende is seen hiding behind a rock): Bulma! You're scaring Little Green.
Dende: I am still weighing my options.
"Smart kid," Beerus nodded.
Bulma: Oh, by the way, my dad called earlier. He says Goku's on his way here.
"Great reception in that cave," Mr. Satan marveled.
Krillin: WOOHOO!
Bulma: Aaand he'll be here in six days.
Krillin: WOOHOO- awww... Well, good thing I took out that life insurance policy.
Dende: Mr. Gohan? Those things on that person's chest.
There's a bit of a close-up to Bulma's boobs.
"Oh yeah, all Namekians are male, so they don't know what breasts are," Bulma said.
Dende: What are they?
Gohan: Oh, on Bulma? Those are breasts.
Dende: They look lovely. I wish to nestle between them.
"Ha!" Roshi laughed. "You're speaking my dream!"
The women looked at Roshi before beating the shit out of him.
Krillin: ...You are just adorable.
The scene shifts to an outside view of Frieza's ship. Frieza is seen inside on the Space Skype talking to Captain Ginyu.
Frieza: Oh, no, no, Ginyu. We won't need any assistance. We have this all under control.
"Gonna be embarrassing when show-you has to call them back and beg them to save your ass," Vegeta said.
Frieza looked at him. "Dodoria."
Vegeta covered his mouth and stuffed his face back into the barf bag.
Zarbon (from the other side of a door): Lord Frieza, I wish to enter.
Frieza: Oh, pardon me. I have to take this. Ta-ta!
He shuts down Space Skype and descents to the ground.
Frieza: What is it, Zarbon?
Zarbon: Well, sir, the scout has reported back.
Frieza: Good. So Dodoria has eliminated those pests, then?
Zarbon: Well... that's just it... It turns out... "she's" dead.
Frieza: ...The f**k?!
"And that's one useful minion down, one to go," Frieza sighed. "And it was going so well…"
The ending scene plays, then the stinger starts, with the scene shifts to outer space with Goku's ship flying through an asteroid field.
Goku: Now, before I start training... I need the right music to train to. Let's see here.
He pushes a button and Paul Stanley's "Live to Win" plays. Goku pushes the button again and Bill Conti's "Gonna Fly Now" plays. Goku pushes the button again and Stan Bush "Never Surrender" plays. Goku pushes the button again and Team America's "Montage" plays. Goku pushes the button again and Lazy Town's "Cooking By the Book" plays.
Goku: Yaaay!
Marron raised her hands, enjoying the music. "Yay!"
The spaceship is seen flying off into the cosmos.
"I don't think I could have taken listening to that song for six days," Krillin said.
"Eh, show-me could always change it," Goku said.
And that's the end of that. See you all next time. For those who like my other works, I'm thinking of restarting sending alternate fanfics, get back to my roots while I still try to make regular updates here.