Time for another update – sorry for the long delay.

Chapter 11

For Hank, it was harder than he would have liked to admit. Lying to Kim. To let Kim go. It had torn his heart apart.

He had wanted to go after her, stop her, kiss her, tell her the truth.

Hank wished for nothing more than that things were the way they used to be. Back before all this had happened. Before Kim had forgotten him. He wanted his life back the way it was before Kim had been hit by the bullet and forgotten him. He wanted his Kim back.

And yet, he hadn't done anything. Hadn't stopped Kim. Now, he would continue to live with the lie. With the lie that Kim and him had been nothing more than colleagues. That they had never been a couple. A lie that literally tore his heart apart.

He would have to live with it forever - with his lie.

Hank stared thoughtfully at the bottle of beer in his hand. Perhaps he should have made a different decision? Might he simply have told her the truth? Should he have told her that they had been happy together, that they had been a couple?

Who cares, it was too late anyway. Kim had left believing that nothing had ever happened between them. And he would keep the memories of their relationship in his heart. Forever.

Hank put the beer bottle down on the step next to him and stood up. Taking a step in the direction in which Kim had disappeared. And then another. And before he really realized it, he was standing in front of his house next to his car.

"I can't," he mumbled as he reached out to open his car door. Hank dropped his hand again. As much as he wanted to, no, he had to turn around, go back to his beer and his memories. For that was the only thing he had left. While Kim was granted a fresh start, free from the memories of him. The only thing was that she needed to finally let go. Shouldn't chase after memories - finally stop wanting to remember. From wanting to remember him.

His shoulders slumped as he walked back to his house. A house that had been filled with warmth and love until a while ago. A house in which he had wanted to live with Kim. A house that was to become a home for them both. And now this home felt cold and empty. Without Kim. It felt like it used to - when Camille had disappeared from his life. When she had died.

With a new bottle of beer in his hand, Hank sat down on the armchair. Alcohol would make him forget too - at least for a moment. For a moment, he would also be able to forget that there was a woman out there whom he loved more than anything and who had forgotten him.

Little did he know how hard Kim was fighting against it. How hard she tried to remember. To remember what she had forgotten.

As Kim came home, she carelessly dropped her jacket and bag on the floor next to her door. It was time to start searching - for memories. If no one could or would give her the answers, then she would have to look for them herself. And she wouldn't stop until she had all the answers. Until she knew what she had forgotten. I mean, who she had forgotten.

"Okay, where do I start?" she mumbled as she looked around her apartment. Maybe in the kitchen? In the bedroom? Among her dirty laundry? And then she started randomly clearing items out of her kitchen cupboards. All the time hoping that something would give her a clue as to what she had forgotten. Whatever would explain the emptiness in her heart. It felt as if her heart wasn't complete. As if a part of her was simply gone. But which part?

The next few days were not easy - neither for Hank nor for Kim.

Time and again, Hank's gaze slid to Kim. He saw the sadness in her gaze. More than once Hank had to suppress the impulse to keep his resolution - never give in, his resolution to keep Kim at a distance. There were those moments when he doubted his decision - moments when he missed Kim, missed waking up together in the morning, the kisses, each other's company.

And Kim - she just couldn't get rid of it. This feeling. The feeling that something was missing - in her life. But so far her search had yielded nothing - apart from a big mess in her apartment. Kim had found a few things, but she couldn't remember when and where she had bought them and how long she had liked pretzels with chocolate - but apart from that, no clues. At least nothing that gave her the answers she so desperately needed. Kim was no closer to remembering. Unfortunately.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked as he stepped up to Kim.

"Yes," she lied. She couldn't talk to Kevin about it. Not here. Although, maybe Kevin was just the right person. And if she interpreted the look he was giving her correctly, then he knew she was lying to him.

"Kim, you know you can talk to me."

"But not here," Kim then said.

"Tonight at Molly's then?"

"Okay."

In a way, Kim felt relieved at that moment. She would talk about it. Maybe Kevin could help her. Maybe the conversation would bring her some clarity. Kim just wanted it to stop. This feeling. She wanted to remember. Of everything.

And so that evening she sat with Kevin in Molly's. She had a bottle of beer in front of her.

"So?" Kevin looked at her questioningly.

"Ever since I woke up in hospital, I've had the feeling that there's something important I need to remember."

"But you don't know what it is?"

"Exactly. I just have this feeling that it's important. That it's important that I remember it."

"And you have no idea what it might be?" Kevin asked.

Kim shook her head. She had no idea, she only had this feeling. And the suspicion that her sergeant knew more than he was letting on.

"I've already told you that you've seemed happy in the last few weeks. However, I can't tell you any more than that. You suspect there might have been a man?"

"Yes," Kim replied curtly. She wouldn't tell Kevin the whole truth. Even she didn't know if it was a truth - Hank Voight and herself.

"Don't you think he would have contacted you by now if you'd had a relationship? He wouldn't have just disappeared overnight. Apart from us, no one visited you while you were in the hospital. Well, if my girlfriend was in the hospital, I would have visited her. So either you had a few one-night stands or you ended the relationship shortly before, if there really was a man in your life. Cause no one leaves their girlfriend alone if she's been shot and is in the hospital," Kevin said.

"Maybe you are right."

"Yes, I am. So, try not to worry too much."

"It's not that easy."

"What do the doctors say?" Kevin asked.

"Dr. Abrams says that I have to give myself time. That the memory will come back on its own at some point," said Kim.

"Then you should trust the doctors. They'll know what they're talking about."

Kim looked at him for a moment before saying what was really bothering her.

"And what if I never remember? Or if I remember at some point and it's too late?"