WELCOME TO THIS STORY, WHICH TAKES PLACE DURING THE EMPIRE OF CATS SAGA IN THE BATTLE CATS, NOW LET THE KICK-ASS STORY BEGIN!
It was not long ago when a can could be heard being kicked away along a grassy hill, a young boy, who was probably in his mid-late teens was muttering under his breath.
???: Fucking hell...stupid old mama tried to send me here in the cold harsh winter! Just what I needed...
That, was no other than the protagonist of this big adventure, let's go over who he is, and why he's at a Korean hillside. 16 year old Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, whom most call Bob, especially the non-Portuguese people he encounters, originally lived in a quiet, suburban village in Lisbon, alongside his Portuguese mother María Mourinho Silva and Russian father Nikita Jablovskyy Petryov, who moved to North-Eastern Siberia to focus on his job as a nuclear scientist. This as a result angered Bob, being the largest factor to his current location. Currently as of now, this is his appearance: He is 5'9 feet tall, and weighs 159lbs, (75% muscle, 15% fat, and 10% being his basic bone, skin and organs) he has jet black hair, a darker Mediterranean ethnicity, light brown eyes and dressed in a ragged black tank top with ragged black shorts and brown sandals with black straps.
Bob: Little bitch-ass sent me here...when my abandoning father is to blame...UGH!
He developed severe anger issues, as well as a passive-aggressive attitude, which caused several things against his favor, such as; low discipline and high aggression towards his mother, poor grades and intelligence in school, and strong emotional outbursts, most of which were physical. He was dropped from school and his mother sent him on a journey to a discipline camp in NORTH Korea, to which he'll stay there for 3 years. Keep that "North" in mind! His boat trailed across the wrong currents and ended up flowing in SOUTH Korea instead, not to Bob's understanding. So now he's searching for the "Discipline camp" in order to "Better himself", well let me tell you, he's in for a REAL self improvement instead!
Bob: Why can't no one just LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE GOD DAMN SE-
He bumps into...someone...or...something at least...it suddenly spoke out
???: Oh sorry! Didn't see you there! Uhh...I have something really important to attend to...gotta go!
It turned out to be a Cat, a white, cartoonish looking one that has...the ability to speak?
Bob: Hold up, wait! He grabs onto the Cat's shoulder are you...a cat...that talks?
???: Oh...heh...yeah...I guess so...Wait...who are you? You don't seem like you're from here...
Bob: Okay...my name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but feel free to call me Bob. I'm 16 years of age. And yeah...I ain't from this shit-hole... no offense by the way. he fiddles with a toothpick placed on his lips
???: The name's...Basic Cat...but everyone calls me Cat...because Basic, is not really a name now is it, heh. Plus none taken, hell, I'm not even from here! I'm Japanese, straight outta Tokyo! Anyways pleasure to meet you! Nya! He sticks out a paw for a shake
Bob: Eh, I guess that means two of us are from capitals, yeah I'm from Lisbon. Prazer te conhencer (Nice to meet you)...I guess. He shakes Cat's paw and stares at him
Cat: Say...what brings you here big guy? Off to work or something?
Bob: Nah...I'm supposed to be sent to some discipline camp...I heard it's supposed to be the strictest in North Korea...but I ain't letting no shitty label scare me. Anyways what brings YOU here...and...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Cat: North Korea...this is SOUTH Korea. You must have gotten redirected by a current! Unlike me, I'm supposed to be here. Anyways I'm having a battle with this Shiba...over Kimchi. His name is Doge, and he's kind of an ass...just warning you now. Since you aren't able to attend your camp...do you want to help me out?
Bob: muttering, before looking back up at Cat Okay you know what? Might as well! I don't have a lot of shit to do anyways...but I'm going to pretend that this isn't a literal talking, artificial looking cat asking me to do this...
So Cat grabs Bob's wrist, and drags him over to where the Kimchi supposedly is located...Bob encounters two different buildings, one that looks like a Cat with a supposed laser beam at it's mouth, and the other being a building with stereotypical Korean decoration, Bob didn't need to think to find out which belongs to Cat.
Bob: Fucking hell...he looks around Okay now where the hell is this Doge guy...? He's acting like a Cowardly Bastard...
Suddenly, a Shiba dog, about the same size as Cat, comes out of the Korean building, it was Doge he looks pissed. Suddenly he sees Cat and an unfamiliar face
Doge: Who the hell called me a "Cowardly Bastard"? He glanced at Bob And who the fuck are you? Was it you who called me that? Are you working for that twerp over there!? he points towards Cat
Bob: chuckles quietly First off...it was me who called you that. But I guess that answers the third question too...Second, the name's Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but call me Bob, because the Cat's got your tongue. Third, I don't work for anybody, but Cat over here seems to be the only non-bitch in this area...quite literally. he flicks around his toothpick
Cat: YEAH, WHAT HE SAID! he grins happily
Doge:he was taken aback, but laughs it off Okay kid, you got a big mouth for a big posture...I'm not going to lie, impressive muscles...but sadly, since you shown disrespect, and a team-up with the Cat tryna rob me a Kimchi, I'm afraid I'm going to have to fight you...you up? Or are you a "Cowardly Bastard"?
Cat: Hey Bob, leave it to me...I know every way of beating him...I'll do all the hard stuff. Okay? The last thing I want is for y- gets interrupted by Bob
Bob: No...leave it to me, he used the same insult I gave him back on me...what a fucking excuse for an organism..cracks his knuckles...bring it on...Cachorro!(dog)
Doge:Chuckles Oh it's on...weakling...it's on!
Bob and Doge rush into each other, Doge gives the first attack by biting the former's right shoulder, and pushing his canine teeth deep into it.
Bob: Swats Doge off his now bleeding shoulder AGHH! Why you little-...
Bob charges at Doge and punches his head face-first into the ground, causing no blood, but a bruised up face, he coughs blood up however.
Doge: G-GAH! cough cough You son of a bitch...YOU PUNCTURED SOMETHING IN MY THROAT! I'm not having it!
Doge charges at Bob, and bites deeply into his left foot. However, Bob uses this to his advantage and slams the foot into the ground, causing Doge to bleed on his torso and fly off his foot from the impact.
Bob: Any last words? Before I send you into that little base of yours?
Doge: Mid air, visibly traumatized from the impact, but he hides it with a mocking tone You wouldn't...AGH!!
Bob: Adeus, Vadia! (Goodbye, Bitch!)
Bob then kicks Doge right into the walls of his base, causing the wall to crack, and the door to fall off, revealing the treasure Cat's been looking for.
Cat: startled but highly impressed Oh my...BOB YOU'RE A NATURAL! HAHAH! He rushes and climbs onto Bob for a hug How...What...Who...WHY? He's lost for words
Bob: looks at Cat hugging him, but his response to it is mainly indifferent Huh...I really just beat up a dog, didn't I? He stares at the Kimchi, and the fractured Doge barely managing to get up Hey, that's our Kimchi! quietly under his breath Dumbass...
Cat squeals, and eagerly runs for the Superior Kimchi, and grabs a Normal and Inferior variant of it as well.
Cat: Oh yeah...usually I only manage to get my hands on one of the three...but thanks to you I have it all! Hahah, I'll explain it to you later.
Bob: he chuckles quietly Yeah sure...anytime Cat...anytime...
Doge seems to be climbing back up, as he notices the two with the Kimchi he once had.
Doge: ...Bob...Cat...this shit is not over, once I see either one of you two ever again...you're DEAD! he walks away, limping from his injuries
The two are now walking towards the Cat Base, Cat begins explaining how the treasures and the Cat Base works.
Cat: Okay...this is the Cat Base, it is a portable Base on wheels which we bring around the world to obtain treasures, like for example, the Kimchis we just obtained! Treasures come in three forms, Inferior, Normal, and Superior, you can tell by their colors, either Bronze and Brown, Silver and Blue, or Gold and Red. The closer to superior they are, the more valuable they are...we use their value to help purchase equipment which we can use to strengthen ourselves, isn't that cool?
Bob: Ah I get it, since we got all 3, we must be filthy rich, damn, that'd be impressive if it's true...
Cat: YES! That's true. Returning to the Base as a topic, The Cat Base is also where all the Cats eat and sleep. And yes, before you ask, there are many cats in our organization. I work alongside 8 other cats at the moment. If you're staying with us, you'll love them! Even more than...THE CAT CANNON!He flicks out a remote controller from his paw You see, we have a special weapon that puts us ahead of our enemies...see if you press this button like so...he presses the button "like so" A special pink light, similar to that of a cat toy laser, will fire out vertically from our base to theirs. The laser is made of a special chemical known as Helium Hydroxide, which is the lightest possible compound in chemistry! Because of its light mass, it causes it to float from the underground onto the surface, causing the ground to break and release the pink laser as small explosions one by one, block by block!
As Cat speaks, the cat cannon does exactly as described, it releases small explosions causing the surface to burst and a small blast of pink light from each explosion.
Bob: Visibly gobsmacked Holy shit...that's definitely a sign I should not fuck with you lot...Does the cat cannon hurt you?
Cat: Nope, it's made with an additional ingredient...a special plasma, which is neon pink in color. Daily, we take small supplements of it as a method of gaining immunity, just as long as your body has the plasma in you, you're immune to attacks containing it...which lasts until you excrete it! That's why it's pink! Hahah.
Bob: I did not need to know th-
Bob got interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by an unfamiliar voice to Bob, but Cat seems to know them pretty well!
???? ???: CAT CAT CAT! OPEN UP! I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS!
Cat: Oh, one second! he rushes and opens the door Hey Tank Cat! he hugs the figure Come! There's someone I want you to meet!
"Tank Cat" was the name of the person, well...cat who came inside the Cat Base, he looked just like Cat, except much taller, and had a large, squared mouth which definitely won't be forgettable the two begin to make Bob's way.
Tank Cat: he hugs Cat back Okay I'm coming! He walks by where Bob is, and looks at Cat and Bob back and forth Oh hello there! A human huh? Never seen 'em before! What's your name?
Bob: he looks Tank Cat up and down Me? oh, the name's Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but feel free to call me Bob. I'm 16 years of age, and I'm not from here, I came from Portugal to attend a discipline camp in North Korea, boat took a wrong turn and ended up here. Now who are you?
Tank Cat: Oooh, such a fancy origin story, ahem, my name's Tank Cat, just "Tank" works well too, I am the damage soaker of the group. I can hit many people at once...but my damage is...less optimistic not high at all...optimistic again BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP ME FROM HITTING MY HEAD INTO ENEMIES AND PROTECTING MY FRIENDS! Cat over here is my best friend! We've been close since day 1...and we always have eachother's back through thick and thin! Isn't that right, buddy? He holds out a fist bump
Cat: giggles Sure is bro...he fist bumps Tank Cat back, before turning to Bob And he's also the big soft teddy bear of the group, both physically, and mentally!
Tank Cat: jokingly offended Hey! He turns to Bob too Anyways Bob, you seem cool, and strong too! He admires his build Nice to meet you! I'm sure we'll be good pals! He offers a paw for a hand shake
Bob: Heh...Nice to meet you too Tank Cat...Bob shakes Tank Cat's paw, his simple minded wholesome attitude managed to make Bob smile So...what are you here for again?
Tank Cat: realizes RIGHT! Cat, you see here? Our next location is Mongolia, the whole gang split up in different places as a decoy against the enemies! Let's prioritize Mongolia and the Superior Portable Tent first though...the enemies there aren't too difficult. So it should be piss easy!
Cat: chuckles quietly before glancing at Bob Well, with Metal-boy over here, he nudges him we should be bound to get ALL 3 inferior, normal AND superior!
Tank Cat: jaw dropped, kind of hard to tell because of his mouth BUT IT IS! Well, I'm sure we need someone like you to help out The Battle Act eh?
The Battle Act, is the name of the association, it is literally a pun by switching the C and A of cat and reversing them to get act. Tank Cat came up with the name and he holds it dearly to his heart.
Cat: Heheh..hey Bob...you coming with? he looks at Bob, hoping he'd say yes
Bob: ...You know what, fine! Of course I'm coming, ain't got nothing to do here anyways. Plus, I feel like traveling will make me less of a bastardizing prick for my mother, if that makes any sense.
Cat: Excellent! Just what we need! Alright boys. he pulls Bob and Tank Cat in a huddle LET'S GO TO MONGOLIA!
TO BE CONTINUED
ALRIGHT, THAT'S EPISODE 1 OF MY NEW SERIES COMPLETE!
This is a project that I might be working on for a bit, as I believe it will drive a good story based on a mobile game everyone loves.
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are owned by Ponos Corporation
The Character Bob is owned by me, however feel free to use him, just as long as you credit me as the owner
This writing is unofficial and considered as fan-made