Tuesday, 20 October 1998

It was a little past midnight and Draco was still sitting on his four-poster bed, playing around with the parchment letter in his hands that he didn't want to unfold. He really didn't know what to expect and he wasn't sure whether he was prepared for the news. Even though he realised that Granger was probably right about his father, he still felt nervous. The times when his mother sent him random letters with sweets or to find out whether he was doing alright were long gone. With a sigh, he finally unfolded the parchment and glanced upon his mother's neat handwriting.

Draco—

Your father's second trial before the Wizengamot will be coming Thursday. The Ministry has considered his offer of giving inside information and they agreed to hear whether he has anything valuable for them. If he does, his house arrest will be considerably shortened and his wand will be returned. If not, he will have to remain at the Manor until further notice.

I am merely writing you to keep you informed. Your presence at the trial is not required. However, should you insist on being present, please write me back at once so I can try to convince your Headmistress that it is important that you're here.

Thank you for returning my wand. I'm happy to hear Potter had the good sense of returning your own. I hope you are well. I have decided against informing your father of your assigned quarters and that class they are making you take, and I would advise you to do the same. He is finally doing better; I don't want to ruin his progress.

Keep up whatever it is that you're doing. I'm proud of you, Draco.

Love,
Mother

He didn't have much time to worry about his father's upcoming trial because only a minute after he finished reading his mother's letter, a horrible scream echoed through the Head's Tower. His every muscle went rigid and a shiver went down his spine. The screaming continued and Draco inhaled sharply, feeling completely unnerved. He recognised the screams; he had heard them before and it wasn't something he wanted to be reminded of. Not knowing what to do, he jumped up and restlessly paced through his room, wishing for it to stop.

When the screams were alternated with sobs, Draco couldn't take it anymore. He ran down the stairs and crossed the common room, only briefly halting at the other staircase. As he quickly ran up the stairs, a little voice inside his head yelled at him to be cautious, but he reached the top of the stairs without activating a Glisseo charm. He wondered for a second why the dorm wasn't properly secured, but he was grateful for it.

Draco roughly opened the door and hurried into the dusky bedroom of the Head Girl, who was restlessly moving through the bed. It was almost as though she was possessed and was trying to shake off the evil within. She desperately cried and screamed, and after quickly lighting the room Draco noticed her cat hidden underneath the four-poster bed, its tail thick and its eyes wide with anxiety.

"Granger!" he yelled with a hoarse voice. "Granger! Wake up!"

The girl didn't seem to hear a single word of what he was yelling. Her face was wet from her tears, her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands clenched into fists. She seemed to be completely reliving a past event.

"Granger!"

Her behaviour was worrying him, and Draco had no idea what to do. She was completely unresponsive to his calls and her screams covered his skin with goosebumps. He shivered as another piercing scream echoed through the room. Unable to endure this any longer, Draco launched himself forward, grabbed Granger's shoulders and started shaking her, hoping it was enough to wake her.

"Granger! Granger! God dammit, Granger, wake up!"

After a few unbelievably long seconds, the girl finally woke up with a start and sat up immediately, her eyes flicking through the room in panic as she grasped the first thing within reach, which happened to be his right arm. She was breathing heavily and Draco worried that she might be hyperventilating because she was still crying and she didn't seem to be able to inhale enough air. Her tearful eyes met his anxious gaze and she stared at him for a short moment before collapsing into his arms, crying desperately.

His body tensed and he tried to move away from Granger, but he was unable to pull himself from her grasp. Utterly bewildered by the way she was holding on to him for dear life, he stared down uncomfortably at the only thing he could see: her enormous mass of bushy brown curls.

Draco had always been glad to be blessed with female company that never seemed to cry. He had known Pansy for the larger part of his life and he knew her like the back of his hand. Whenever she was upset, and she was more often angry than sad, he always knew how to comfort her. The girl in his arms was a complete stranger to him in many ways and he had only seen her like this once, when she was tortured by his aunt many months ago. He had no idea how to comfort her and quite frankly, he felt much too uncomfortable to even attempt it.

After a few minutes and a brief inward battle, he finally decided that seeing her cry like this was much more uncomfortable than trying to calm her down, so he hesitantly put his arms around her and awkwardly patted her back. Surprisingly enough, it actually seemed to be working. She continued to sob quietly with her face pressed against his chest, but at least she was properly breathing again.

"What in Godric's name is going on in here?" a loud voice barked unexpectedly from behind them, sounding utterly confounded.

Draco instantly let go of Granger and whirled around, finding himself face to face with Professor McGonagall, who was staring at the scene before her in utter shock. She was dressed in a dark green nightgown with her grey hair draped over her left shoulder, tied into a loose braid.

"Mr Malfoy! What have you done to Ms Granger?!" she exclaimed in shock, sounding aghast, undoubtedly believing he had tried to do indecent things without permission. "You better explain yourself immediately because I am on the mere verge of expelling you right this instant!"

"P-Professor McGonagall," Granger said between sobs, taking in deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down. "He d-didn't do anything… H-He was comf-forting me. I must have s-screamed in my sleep and w-woken him up…"

"I thought she was being tortured with the Cruciatus Curse in here!" Draco snapped as he stared at the Headmistress in disgust, utterly insulted that she would actually think so lowly of him. "I came in here and I just tried to wake her up!"

McGonagall stared at him in suspicion with narrowed eyes, seemingly considering his explanation. She glanced at Granger who nodded in confirmation. "It's t-true. I had a n-nightmare," the girl sniffed with embarrassment.

The Headmistress continued to eye the two students for a moment longer. "Alright," she said after a brief and uncomfortable silence. "I'll be downstairs. Mr Malfoy, you're coming with me."

Draco released some of the air he had been holding and followed the old witch down the stairs, dreading the conversation that would undoubtedly follow. He briefly looked at Granger over his shoulder before turning the corner and saw her hide her face in the fur of the ginger cat that had jumped into her lap. He couldn't blame her for feeling embarrassed; he would feel the same—if not worse—if she had woken him up from a nightmare like that.

McGonagall slowly paced through the common room, shaking her head as she muttered incomprehensible things under her breath, none of which, surprisingly, seemed to be directed at him. Draco walked over to the kitchenette and took out a mug, filling it with water. After a short moment of hesitation, he filled another one and muttered the incantation Granger had taught him the other day twice, creating two mugs of hot chocolate. He hesitated once more before slowly turning around to the Headmistress.

"Um… Professor? Would you… um… like some hot chocolate?" he asked awkwardly, wishing it wouldn't be considered so rude to simply ignore your company.

The old witch blinked at him in surprise for a few seconds. "No… But thank you for the offer, Mr Malfoy," she finally answered.

The room went silent and Draco was surprised that the woman wasn't yelling at him for entering the Head Girl's chambers at night without her permission and being caught holding her as she cried. After a few minutes, Granger appeared on the bottom step of her staircase, keeping a blanket wrapped around her. Her eyes were a little red but at least she wasn't crying anymore. The cat appeared behind her and pushed past its owner, running towards the couch where he settled in a corner. Draco walked up to her and offered her one of the mugs of hot chocolate. She took it with both hands and stared at him with surprise and confusion.

"Are you feeling a little better, Ms Granger?" Professor McGonagall asked gently, eyeing the girl with a concerned expression as Draco moved away from her again.

"A little," Granger answered softly, taking a sip from the mug. "I just… I don't really understand how... how you knew…"

"It wasn't because of your nightmare, Ms Granger. I warded your dormitory before you arrived here and was notified that, well, someone had entered your room."

The Head Girl looked up at the Headmistress in confusion. "Why?"

McGonagall briefly glanced at him before turning her attention back to her pupil. "Ms Granger, you didn't honestly think that I would let you stay here with Mr Malfoy after everything that has happened between you two, everything that you have been through, without some small extra precautions, did you?"

Draco glared at the Headmistress in indignation, wondering if he had really been such a horrible human being that he deserved the way she was talking about him and the little trust she had in him. Granger glanced in his direction and seemed to be torn between gratefulness toward McGonagall and embarrassment for what she had said about him.

"If it would make you feel more comfortable, Ms Granger, you are allowed to stay in the Gryffindor dormitory tonight. I know you feel more at home there and it might help you sleep better."

"That won't be necessary, Professor, but thank you," Granger said softly. "I'll be okay here."

"Well then," the Headmistress said as she pursed her lips, "I will be going back to my own quarters. Should anything happen, please come see me. I wish the both of you a good night."

"You too, Professor."

McGonagall turned around and left the common room through the portrait hole. Draco made his way over to the couch and sat down as far from the ginger cat as the couch allowed. He sighed and sat back with his eyes closed. He had known beforehand that this school year was going to be intense, but he hadn't realised exactly how intense. Being back here didn't turn back time the way he had originally expected. Everyone was still recovering from the War, and involuntarily and unintended, everyone managed to affect each other's recovery process.

"Malfoy?"

He looked up at Granger, who was standing beside the couch, still wrapped up in her blanket with the mug of hot chocolate between her hands. She looked really tired and still quite embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry for bothering you and for dragging you into this," she began softly, "but, for whatever reason you decided to do it, I'm glad you woke me up. So thank you, I suppose."

Without acknowledging her apology or accepting her gratitude, he looked down at his own mug of hot chocolate. "I mentioned earlier that it sounded as though you were tortured with the Cruciatus Curse… You actually were, weren't you?" It wasn't really a question; it was more of an obvious observation.

Granger put her mug on the table and sank down onto the couch as well, lifting the cat onto her lap."Yes," she muttered.

"Why now?" he asked, slightly annoyed. "We've been back for almost two months and this is the first time you cause a scene like this. So why now?"

It remained silent for a while. Granger buried her face in the fur of her cat once more as she hugged the beast. "I haven't been feeling well lately," she finally answered softly. "A lot of… unpleasant things have happened over the past few weeks and it… it just became too much."

"How do you know that's the reason?"

"Because last time I had such a vivid nightmare was during the search for my parents in Australia. The amount of stress I was dealing with was just too much and I was all by myself. I was scared and afraid I wouldn't find them, afraid that I wouldn't be able to reverse the spell…" her voice trailed off and she wiped away some tears.

Draco tried his best to avoid staring at her, but somehow his eyes automatically kept looking for her. He felt very uncomfortable. He couldn't remember ever having seen Granger like this, so on edge and vulnerable. She was always so strong and seemed so impossible to break; he had never expected to see her in such a fragile state.

"Why… why did you wake me?" she asked softly.

"You continued to scream so loudly, I couldn't handle it," he said curtly. The expression on her face changed rapidly and there was nothing but hurt in her eyes. Draco briefly hesitated. "You reliving it… it made me relive it too," he then admitted softly. He hesitated for another moment, not sure whether he wanted to continue this conversation. "It's not just you that's haunted by that day."

"I know," she murmured.

He looked up at her, puzzled. "How?" he snapped in surprise.

Granger slowly stroked the cat's back and took a deep breath, keeping her tearful eyes down. "I saw you… the way you were looking at me when… she… was torturing me… And you knew it was us but you didn't say anything… I knew something had changed… somehow… because you looked so… horrified…"

"What are you?" Draco hissed at her after a moment of silence, feeling completely unnerved. Her head snapped up and her eyes were full of hurt and confusion.

"People don't just… observe the room while being tortured like that," he continued harshly as he stared at her in disbelief. "You lied to Bellatrix about that sword while she Crucio'd the living daylight out of you… And yet you managed to see me, really see me... And after all that you used Polyjuice Potion to turn into the woman who nearly murdered you! What the hell are you? No human being can possibly do all that!"

She drew in a shaky breath and looked away from him as though he had hit her across the face, tears flowing freely once again. "You are t-the only one so f-far wh-who seems t-to realise how… how hard it was f-for me t-to do that…" she sobbed softly, her words barely audible, and Draco knew that she was talking about transforming into Bellatrix. He suspected that was the only thing that she had done that she considered to be remarkable enough to be worth mentioning.

"We were on a mission," she continued after a moment of silence in which she had managed to somewhat pull herself together. "Our goal was clear and we knew the road was going to be long and difficult. Our chances of succeeding were dependent on my ability to lie. I did what I had to do."

They sat beside each other in silence for a while. Granger reached for her mug and muttered a quick heating spell, warming the dark liquid that had gone cold. She took a sip and pulled up her knees, wrapping the blanket a little tighter around herself.

"Why didn't anyone join you in Australia?" Draco wondered aloud.

Granger briefly glanced up at him, frowning in surprise. "Because Harry felt that his work wasn't done yet," she answered softly. "He was needed at the Ministry. That was his way of coping. And Ron…" She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Ron had just lost his brother. I left the day after he was buried. He wasn't ready to leave his family behind again… And it didn't feel right to bring someone else along… Someone other than Harry or Ron..." her voice trailed off and silence filled the room once more. Granger winched as she fidgeted with the sleeve of her left arm and Draco suspected that her thoughts were once again with her torture.

"Do… do you miss her?" she asked with a brittle voice as she slowly looked up at him again. "Bellatrix?" she clarified.

"No."

"But… she was your aunt…"

"And she got locked up in Azkaban when I wasn't even six months old and I met her for the first time when I was almost sixteen," Draco answered curtly. "She came to live with us and then my father… she behaved as though she was my father's replacement. My mother was torn between happiness for her sister's return and sadness for my father's imprisonment. Still… She wasn't so bad all the time… taught me some great things… but we never bonded. It was too late and too short and she was too obsessed with turning me into a better Death Eater than my father had been…"

He met her eyes and expected to see judgement, but instead he looked into two brown orbs of compassion. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"What for?"

"For everything. You having to go through that," Granger answered softly. "For me asking… and for Crabbe... Did they… did they manage to recover his body?"

Draco looked down and stared at his empty mug, inhaling sharply. "Yes… but he was unrecognisable… They could only identify him by using some Muggle procedure," he said bitterly, knowing that his friend would have never wanted that. He had rather mixed feelings about it himself, too.

"I'm sorry," she muttered again.

A part of him wanted to tell her that he was sorry for what she had to go through too, but he couldn't. He had already been much too soft and vulnerable tonight. He didn't really regret it, but he still felt uncomfortable for his heart-to-heart conversation with Granger. He had never been this open to someone and he didn't know what had changed.

What unnerved him more was that he felt some sense of admiration for the girl and for how strong she was, even during the worst of moments. The more he thought about their conversation, the more he felt the uneasy feeling in his stomach spread. He stood up abruptly and forced himself to take a breath and not run straight to his dormitory.

"Go get some rest," he managed to say quite gently. "We have a long day ahead, and if I know her at all, Greengrass will not accept half efforts tomorrow."

"Okay," Granger muttered. "I… just… thank you, Malfoy…"

"Don't mention it," he told her softly, hoping the girl in front of him realised that he meant that in several different ways.