Tuesday, 16 February 1999
It had taken him a month and a half to get to this decision, but after finding out the news about Nott's father Draco hadn't hesitated to move his belongings out of the Head's Tower and back to their shared dormitory in the Slytherin dungeons. It was a lonely return, because Nott had spent Saturday night in the infirmary, so Draco still had a whole room for himself.
According to Greengrass, Madam Pomfrey had made him drink a copious amount of Calming Draught before alerting the grief counsellor, Madam Medens, for an emergency session. After that, Greengrass had been sent back to the dungeons. The next day Draco had joined her to the hospital wing, only to find out that Nott had gone home. Surprisingly, his father's body would be released to the family, and Nott had been given permission to temporarily leave the school to take care of funeral preparations.
Over the next few days it became apparent that, though he usually chose to not take part in social activities with the other Slytherins, Nott was a respected—and perhaps even liked—member of Slytherin House, and the news about his father had awoken a sense of comradery amongst their Housemates.
Slytherins from all the years were quick to shut up their whispering classmates from other Houses, usually with an insult but sometimes also with force. Strangely enough, Slytherin had managed to keep most of their House points. Draco suspected that Granger, having witnessed the whole ordeal with Nott, had chosen to be uncharacteristically lenient when it came to punishing the people she caught crossing the line, as long as it wasn't crossed too far. He knew she checked that map of hers regularly to see if unlikely groups had formed between classes or after dinner—because that usually meant that Slytherins were out looking for a fight with someone they had overheard earlier that day—and he really appreciated that she did.
It had also become apparent that Greengrass and Nott were closer than he had ever really noticed. The blonde had never been the type for mindless chatter, but Draco couldn't remember her ever being so quiet before—almost timid, like Pansy had been after the numerous attacks last semester. It made him feel uncomfortable, because he didn't know her very well and he had no idea how to treat her now.
On Tuesday afternoon he followed her into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and sat down next to her anyway, in the back of the classroom. While he didn't like her silent sadness, she had only ever been nice to him despite all he had done, and perhaps it wasn't so bad to repay that now by staying at her side.
The bell chimed and Professor Merrythought greeted them as she rose from behind her desk and waved her wand at the blackboard to reveal today's class subjects. There was a flash of robes and hair next to him, and from the corner of his eye Draco noticed Granger slip into the empty seat next to him when Merrythought's back was turned to her students.
"Were you just late for class?" he hissed at her in a whisper. "You?!"
"Shut up," Granger hissed back, and she smacked her books on the table along with the folded piece of parchment that he had gotten to know all too well in these past few weeks. He shot her a glare, but then he noticed that, despite her forceful command, she looked quite cheerful.
"Well, everyone," Merrythought said loudly, demanding their attention. "We have covered all the theory that will come up during your N.E.W.T. examinations. We are a little bit ahead of schedule, but we can finally start with the practical portion. For today I thought we could—yes, Ms Granger?"
Granger's hand had shot up into the air halfway through Merrythought's sentence. The Professor gave her a puzzled but amused look, and the Gryffindor girl sat up a little straighter. "Professor, since we're ahead of schedule, would it perhaps be an option if we did something… fun to end the theoretical part of the exam preparation? Just for this week?"
Merrythought leaned against her desk and folded her arms in front of her chest, and stared at the Head Girl with an amused smile. "What exactly is it you're thinking of, Ms Granger?"
"Well, we've discussed a lot of dark things this past semester," Granger began. She wrung her hands together as though she was a little nervous, and Draco stared at her with his eyebrows raised, listening curiously like the rest of their classmates. "I can only speak for myself, of course, but since the War I'm more prone to being stuck in a negative mindset than I was before, and having put so much focus on dark things has made me feel a little… gloomy."
Throughout the classroom, several of their classmates muttered in agreement, while others merely nodded their head, silently agreeing with Granger's words. Draco averted his gaze from her and stared at his table. He was no exception.
"The dark things are, of course, the focus of my class," Merrythought said patiently. "While I understand your point, I am required to discuss these subjects, not only because they will be part of your examinations, but also because I believe strongly in preparing you for whatever you may encounter after school."
"I understand," Granger said in a rushed tone. "And I wouldn't want to do something fun just for the sake of it, but I think it might help us recharge for the coming semester. That, and it's incredibly useful and connects well to the subjects we have discussed last semester."
Merrythought was now smiling outright, clearly having caught on to whatever Granger was rambling about. "Get to your point, Ms Granger."
"I think it would be great if you would teach us the Patronus Charm," Granger said, and Draco glanced back at her. It was remarkable how she could sound both proud and a little shy, but judging from the enthused whispers surrounding them she had hit the nail on the head. He had to admit that he, too, was excited about the idea of learning how to cast a Patronus.
The whispers soon died down and everyone stared expectantly at Merrythought, who chuckled softly. "Can anyone tell me why Ms Granger is suggesting that we cover the Patronus Charm?" On Draco's other side, Greengrass raised her hand and Merrythought gave her a nod, allowing her to answer.
"Because in order to cast a successful Patronus, one must think of their happiest, most powerful memory. Focusing on such a memory would counter the… gloominess… we've been feeling."
The Professor nodded her head, moved around her desk and sat back down in her chair. "The Patronus Charm is not part of the Hogwarts curriculum, as it is magic far above N.E.W.T. level. Many skilled witches and wizards have never learned to successfully cast one. Try to not let this get you down, because people who can cast a Patronus are far less common than the people who can't. It's taken me almost twenty-seven years until I could finally cast my first successful, corporeal Patronus."
The witch fell silent for a moment. The classroom was quieter than it had ever been, it was almost eerie. Draco had his arms crossed over his desk and inadvertently leaned forward with interest, hanging onto the Professor's every word.
"Patronuses can be divided into two categories. The first one is a non-corporeal Patronus. This can be described as a visible shield against dark amortal beings. The second is a corporeal Patronus, which takes the form of an animal. Most Patronuses take the form of an ordinary animal. Magical creatures, like unicorns or phoenixes, for example, are uncommon, and it is extremely rare for Patronuses to take the form of extinct animals, though it has happened before. Corporeal Patronuses are far more difficult to conjure than non-corporeal Patronuses. They require a far more powerful, happier thought, which can be especially challenging when faced with a dark, amortal being."
She paused for a second and looked around the class. "Would any of the seven lucky capable ones like to show us their corporeal Patronus?"
Draco leaned back in his chair and forced himself to keep his poker face intact. He had forgotten that several of his classmates had learned to cast a Patronus, and he felt rather envious of them right now. Seamus Finnigan got to his feet and drew his wand, and Draco couldn't help but scoff quietly. If this hopeless pyromaniac could cast a Patronus, he should be able to cast one as well.
"I would," Finnigan said. Next to him, Draco saw Granger smile brightly as she stared up at her Housemate, who walked up to the front of the class and halted next to Merrythought. Finnigan turned to face the class, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. With his wand he drew small circles in the air in front of him, making them slightly bigger with every loop. After another deep breath he paused his movements, until finally drawing another large circle.
"Expecto Patronum!"
From the tip of his wand erupted something bright-white and translucent. It jumped around the classroom and Finnigan stared after it with a fond expression on his face. Once Draco's eyes had adjusted to the sudden light he recognised the Patronus' form: a small and playful fox. He rubbed a hand over his face and stared at the fox with wide eyes, unable to fight back how impressed he was. He had never considered Finnigan to be a powerful wizard. The guy was notorious for blowing things up, and Draco had always thought him to be a fool. Obviously, he was only partly right at best.
"What a wonderful job, Mr Finnigan!" Merrythought exclaimed happily, staring at the fox until it faded away. "That was most impressive! Take fifteen points for Gryffindor!"
All around the classroom people applauded and congratulated Finnigan with his successful attempt, and Draco couldn't hold back the urge to mutter something unflattering under his breath. It wasn't quiet enough, because Granger shot him a foul glare in response, and he rolled his eyes at her. Once everyone had settled back down, Merrythought got up from her chair and leaned back against her desk again.
"It is a general belief that only those who are pure of heart are able to cast a Patronus. This is mostly untrue, although there are good reasons why most of the Wizarding World believes this. Can anyone tell me why? Ms Jones?"
The Hufflepuff shook her head. "I don't know, Professor."
"Who likes to venture a guess? Ms Granger?"
Granger frowned before looking up at Merrythought. "I think it has something to do with the ability to love," she said. "But I don't know exactly what."
"Very good," Merrythought said, nodding thoughtfully. "At its core, light magic all eventually comes down to love. A Patronus Charm, however, goes deeper than that. It relies on the caster's ability to love selflessly and act purely in the interest of another. It is because of this requirement that dark witches and wizards are not able to cast a Patronus. Their longing for power comes from a self-serving place, and once that becomes too dominant it becomes part of their being. There is an additional action that will cause for someone to be forever unable to cast a Patronus charm. Who can tell me what it is?"
The classroom remained quiet, and Merrythought looked around the room. "It correlates directly with what we have discussed during the first semester," she added.
Finally, Terry Boot raised his hand. "Is it… is it murder?"
The Professor slowly nodded her head. "It is, Mr Boot. Murder rips at the soul, and a ripped soul is a dark soul, though a soul can be mended through genuine remorse. This is the primary reason for why the belief that one has to be pure of heart to be able to cast a Patronus is so widespread. In reality, one has to be pure of soul to be able to cast one. Negative personal traits do not affect the ability to successfully learn to cast the Patronus Charm, as long as one is able to love selflessly and without personal gain."
Sue Li let out a humourless laugh as she turned in her chair and locked eyes with Draco, who raised an eyebrow at the Ravenclaw. "You better leave," the girl said nastily. "You heard it, there's no way that you, a Death Eater, can do this. No reason for you to stay, is there?"
He instantly felt very cold, and as he stared back at her he was sincerely thankful for his upbringing, because somehow his poker face was still intact. He didn't hear the agitation around him, he could only repeat her words in his head.
A Death Eater.
A Death Eater.
A Death Eater.
Draco slowly got to his feet and gathered his belongings automatically, without consciously doing so. He didn't hear Greengrass and Granger, both of whom were talking to him in the hopes he would sit back down. He grabbed his book bag off the floor and simply obeyed his feet as they walked him out of the classroom. Halfway through the corridor he heard someone vaguely call out his name, and he slowly and apathetically turned back around and raised his head to find Granger rush towards him.
When she reached him she lightly grabbed his arm and pulled him a little further down the corridor and into an empty, unused classroom. All the desks and most of the chairs had been stacked on top of each other and were pushed into the corners of the room, with the rest of chairs messily spread around. Granger took his book bag off his shoulder and put it on the floor, and then gently pushed him down on a chair before taking a seat on another chair close to his. Draco couldn't find it in him to snap at her to not treat him like he was made from glass; he felt empty.
"Pull yourself together, Malfoy," Granger said after a long silence, in which he had stared unseeing at nothing in particular. "You can't let the opinion of one stupid Ravenclaw get to you like this."
"But it's not just her opinion, is it?" Draco argued softly, and he flinched at the dejected tone of his own voice. "Apart from the occasional glare, no one really did or said anything to me all year. I'd nearly forgotten that everyone is supposed to hate me for what I did..."
"You sound surprised," she said carefully.
He looked up at her with a frown. The Head Girl's eyes were full of sympathy, but there was also some confusion. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Granger leaned forward a little. "Malfoy, do you honestly not realise why people have left you alone all year?"
Her voice was soft, and there was no mockery in her tone. When he didn't respond to her, she reached out, tugged his Head Boy badge from his robes and held it up for him at eye level. Draco shifted his gaze from Granger to his badge, and finally it started to dawn on him.
"Malfoy, you let Death Eaters into the school," Granger said quietly, and he looked back at her, past the badge, even though he found it exceedingly more difficult now that she was confronting him with what he had done.
"You put the entire student body in danger when you did that. People got seriously hurt that night, and in the end we were left with a murdered Headmaster. What Pansy Parkinson wanted to do was despicable and cowardly, but everyone knows she did it in the hopes of saving her own neck, because they were all there to see it. The circumstances surrounding the death of Albus Dumbledore are not common knowledge. They don't know that he was already dying, and that he arranged for his own death at the hands of Snape. They don't know how you were forced into that predicament."
She lowered the badge and took his wrist, much like he had taken hers weeks ago on the Quidditch Pitch, and Draco opened his hand to receive his badge back. He stared at it with a hollow feeling in his chest.
"Professor Dumbledore failed to protect you during your mission in sixth year," Granger continued quietly. "This badge is his way of protecting you now, in the aftermath of it all. You've witnessed what people did to Parkinson to punish her for her actions, and she didn't even do any real damage. What do you think they'd have done to you if you hadn't had that badge?"
"But Pansy had a badge too," Draco argued softly. "She was a prefect…"
"Yes..." Granger agreed, "but you and your friends are no saints, Malfoy, and you never behaved like prefects. Even after you were appointed you broke the rules as though they weren't there at all. And don't think I've forgotten how many times Neville Longbottom has seen the hospital wing because of all of you. As for Parkinson—if you would ask the staff you'd know that Madam Pomfrey filed a report for the Headmistress every time Parkinson had to be treated, and that Professor McGonagall gave everyone responsible an official warning on top of their month-long detention. You may want to believe that nothing was ever done, but that doesn't mean it's true."
Draco glared at her, but she just raised her eyebrows as though to challenge him, completely unaffected by his angry stare. Draco redirected his glare to the stack of desks in the corner behind her and frowned as he felt the anger building up in him. Even though everything Granger told him just now was true, it still bothered him so much that she was having this conversation with him. He felt so incredibly humiliated. He really wanted to take his anger out on someone, but he knew he couldn't. He had already received his official last warning; if he let go he would be on the train back to London before supper.
"Let it go, Malfoy," Granger said quietly. "What Sue said was mean, but Professor Merrythought was dealing with her when I left, and Parkinson isn't here anymore. There is nothing more you can do for her."
"Easy for you to say that, people treat you like you're some kind of celebrity," he spat at her. "Would you let this go?!"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You taught people to treat you this way because you treated them this way," she told him determinedly, and Draco felt his lip curl up in a sneer, knowing she was going to bite back something at him that he was going to hate.
"People have learned to expect the worst from you, and if you don't prove them wrong they will continue to do so. You're the one who has been nasty for years—to everyone you considered inferior, and that was more than half the school! If you don't show them that you've changed, how will they know that you have? They treat you like this because they are responding in kind. Do you deny it?"
Draco didn't respond to her and instead quietly pondered over her words. He hated that he was unable to poke holes in her logic, because deep down he knew full well that she was right. After a long silence Granger sighed and got to her feet. "Let's go back to class."
"And what's the point of that? he snapped at her, finally unleashing some of his anger on her. "They were quite clear, weren't they? I won't be able to do it, so going back there would be a waste of my time."
"Did you kill someone?!" she demanded suddenly with an unexpected fierceness, and Draco stared up at her in bewilderment.
"What?"
"It's a simple question, Malfoy," continued Granger crossly. "Surely during your short career as a Death Eater you've had someone's life in the palm of your hand. Did you kill someone?"
Draco blinked his eyes and slowly exhaled to try and keep himself calm. He knew that people had wondered, but no one had ever dared to outright ask him that question. It only made him angrier that she was actually asking him this in the blunt way that she had.
"So what if I did?" he hissed finally.
"I'd say you're a liar," Granger retorted at once.
He forced out a mocking laugh to cover up the surprise he felt at the determination of her response. "What makes you think you know me well enough to say that?"
"Well first of all, because you always claimed you hated Albus Dumbledore, but when you had him cornered and alone you couldn't kill him," she started, counting on her fingers. Draco felt the sneer leave his face and he glared up at her.
"Second of all," she continued, and she tapped against a second finger, "I happen to know that when the Chamber of Secrets was opened during our second year, you said you hoped I would be killed, just like the Mudblood that had been killed fifty years earlier—"
"How would you know that?" he breathed out, interrupting her. It absolutely shocked him to hear her repeat something he had said when he was twelve years old and hadn't even really meant — so shocked that he didn't even think to deny it.
Granger crossed her arms in front of her chest and frowned down at him. "Remember when we talked about how I successfully brewed Polyjuice Potion when I was thirteen years old because we were convinced that you were the heir of Slytherin?"
Draco's eyes widened.
"You didn't tell that to Crabbe and Goyle. You told it to Harry and Ron under the disguise of Polyjuice. Very nearly got yourself killed that day — you know how bad Ron's temper gets." She sighed and shook her head.
"Point of the matter is, Malfoy, that whenever you had the opportunity to see me get seriously hurt you did something to try and prevent that, even if you weren't always successful. Obviously when you refused to identify us when we had been snatched and brought to your manor, but also during the Quidditch World Cup. You actually came out to warn me—me of all people. And not just me—Harry told me you lowered your wand, that night atop the Astronomy Tower, and that you were about to accept Professor Dumbledore's offer of protection. Someone who does that is not someone who would kill."
Draco stared down at his hands as he uncomfortably played around with his Head Boy badge. He didn't know how he kept forgetting that Granger was highly perceptive. Once she decided to focus on someone it was very difficult to keep things hidden away from her. He was also both very impressed and annoyed with her revelation. It was unbelievable that Potter and Weasley had been successful in fooling him by impersonating his two best friends. However much he could remember of that particular conversation all those years ago, he couldn't remember either Crabbe or Goyle being noticeably different from usual.
He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" she asked softly, and Draco exhaled loudly with impatience.
"You know what for," he said, harsher than he had intended.
"That's not how apologies work, Malfoy," Granger snapped. "You can't just say you're sorry and then let me fill in the blanks."
"I'm sorry for wishing you'd be killed back in second year," he snapped back at her. "When I was twelve I thought you were the most annoying person I had ever had the misfortune of meeting, and getting rid of you like that sounded like a really good idea at the time."
Draco inhaled sharply and closed his eyes for a short moment as he slowly exhaled through his nose. "When word spread that you had been petrified, I felt responsible," he continued quietly. "I had wished for it, hadn't I? I had almost gotten what I thought I wanted and yet it felt horrible—I felt sick to my stomach the whole time you were in the hospital wing. I never wanted to feel responsible for something like that ever again."
Granger slowly sank back down on the chair and Draco could feel her eyes on him, though she didn't say anything. He waited for his confession to eat away at him, but strangely enough he felt a little lighter now that he had shared it. He sighed and looked up at her.
"You're right. I've never killed anyone," he told her softly. "I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter whether some people lived or died… but it did matter. I couldn't do it, not even when—when he threatened my life, my parents' lives..."
"Call him Voldemort," she murmured.
"What?"
"You avoid saying his name. You shouldn't do that. As long as you're uncomfortable saying his name he'll have power over you. Call him Voldemort."
Draco breathed out a humourless chuckle. "One thing at a time, Granger."
She gave him a sympathetic smile and quickly glanced down at her wristwatch. "Class is over," she said softly, and she sounded a little regretful as she got up from her chair again.
"Look, Malfoy," she then said a little louder, finding his eyes again, "I can't guarantee that you'll be able to cast the Patronus Charm successfully, but I can guarantee you that if you're unable to do it, it won't be because you're a dark wizard. And if you want, I can help you practice."
Draco slowly got to his feet and reached down to get his book bag off the floor before straightening his posture and hanging the bag over his shoulder. The look in Granger's eyes seemed sincere enough, and he hesitated briefly.
The Patronus Charm had long been a symbol for magical skill, and that alone was reason enough to want to learn to successfully cast one, but right now there was more to it. He couldn't pretend that people's opinion of him didn't mean anything to him anymore, and he felt the need to prove everyone wrong in class tomorrow.
"Can we do that tonight?" he asked her, and Granger's smile faltered a little.
"I'm not sure I feel comfortable breaking curfew," she answered softly.
"We don't have to break anything," Draco shot back. "After all, we have a whole tower at our disposal."
Granger quietly considered his solution for a moment and then shrugged a little. "Why not," she sighed. "Let's meet around nine."
He followed her to the door of the classroom, and after she had made sure there was no one around to see them they slipped out into the corridor and made their way over to the Great Hall for dinner. Just when he was about to enter and move towards the Slytherin table, Granger grabbed the sleeve of his robe to hold him back, and he glanced down at her with a puzzled frown.
"Thank you for telling me about second year," she said softly to avoid being overheard by the small groups of students that moved past them and into the Great Hall. "I've known for years that you said you hoped I would die. Harry and Ron never told me to my face, but Ron was upset about it for a long time and I overheard them once when they thought I wasn't around. And just for the record—I've long forgiven you for it."
She smiled up at him and then turned and left for the Gryffindor table, and Draco remained in the doorway for a moment longer. The thought of asking her for forgiveness hadn't even crossed his mind, because he had never considered the possibility that it might make him feel better. When he made his way over to the Slytherin table he could only come to one conclusion.
It did.
~ X ~
Draco entered the Head's Tower at nine p.m. sharp, just to find out that he was still the last one to arrive. Granger was freakishly punctual, and he was pretty sure his arrival was considered late, even though he was right on time.
The Head Girl sat on the rug in front of the fire, browsing through an old book. When he walked into the common room she looked up for a second to acknowledge his arrival and immediately returned her attention to the pages in front of her. Draco dropped down on the couch and impatiently waited for her to find whatever it was she was looking for.
"I'm pretty sure I read a chapter on the Patronus Charm in this book," she said finally, breaking the silence. "I like having the theory around when learning something new."
"I thought you had already learned to cast a Patronus," Draco said, frowning.
"I have," Granger replied. "But it's a very difficult charm and I want to make sure I explain everything correctly. It's also been months since I last cast it, so it won't hurt to be prepared."
Draco let out an annoyed sigh. It was so typical of Granger to overthink things. For someone who was as bright as she was, she second-guessed herself a lot. Just when he wanted to shoot a snappy remark her way she had found the chapter she had been looking for, and she quickly let her eyes glide over the lines.
"Right," she said finally. "I think I'm ready."
She looked up at him while she drew her wand and put it on the table next to the book. "Professor Merrythought discussed a lot of essential information earlier, but the most important thing for now is that you think of a happy memory," she started. "It has to be something powerful—something that really makes you feel warm inside. If you can't physically feel your memory, it's not powerful enough."
"Does it have to be a memory?" he asked, frowning a little as he searched through his thoughts. "Could it also be a feeling, or a wish?"
"I don't see why not, just as long as it's happy and powerful enough to fill you up," Granger said, nodding.
The common room went silent while Draco dug his memory for something that would suffice. He considered both the day he received his Hogwarts acceptance letter and the first time on his Nimbus 2001, but neither of those memories gave him the warm feeling he was looking for. He thought of the feeling he'd had when he and Pansy had shared their first kiss, and while that provided him with a little bit of warmth, he knew it wasn't enough, because those kinds of memories were tainted by their eventual break-up. Eventually he settled for the feeling that had washed over him when he had witnessed the downfall of the Dark Lord, and he felt a jolt of relief in his stomach. This would be the memory.
Draco looked up to find Granger reading the large old tome on the coffee table, and he was relieved to see that she'd had the grace to allow him a little privacy to search for a memory. "I'm ready," he announced quietly, and he took his wand from the inside pocket of his robes.
Granger looked up and took her own wand from the table before getting to her feet. "Okay," she said slowly. "Professor Merrythought explained the difference between corporeal and non-corporeal Patronuses earlier. What she didn't say is that once you've mastered the charm, you can consciously choose which kind of Patronus you're going to cast. Because a Patronus is highly personal, witches and wizards sometimes choose to cast a non-corporeal Patronus on purpose to hide their identity. The wand movement is simple, like this…" She drew a circle in the air in front of her, like Finnigan had done earlier, during class. "A large circle would result in a corporeal Patronus, while a small circle would be a non-corporeal Patronus."
Taking a deep breath, Granger closed her eyes. "You need to completely envision your memory," she said softly, fully focused. "It's important that you really see it, and that you relive the feeling you had during that moment. Once you've found a memory that works, it's wise to remember it so you can quickly summon it in a moment of need."
She started drawing small circles in the air and took another deep breath. "Expecto Patronum," she said forcefully, and a bright-white, misty shield burst from the tip of her wand. Draco observed her success in silence, and Granger opened her eyes again, smiling at the sight of her non-corporeal Patronus. With a small shake of her wand she let the light fade away quickly, and as she lowered her wand she glanced down at him.
"Now you try."
Draco sat up a little straighter. "Show me your corporeal Patronus first," he requested softly, and Granger raised her eyebrows.
"Malfoy, you probably won't be able to do that for a while—"
"That's fine, Granger," he said, cutting her off. "I just want to see what I'm working towards."
She sighed and frowned in concentration as she stared at the coffee table with determination. After a short moment she traced a large circle with her wand and repeated the incantation. This time, Draco was prepared for the sudden light that appeared from her wand, and his eyes followed the little otter that glided through the common room. Just like Finnigan had earlier, Granger stared after the spirit-like animal with a fond expression on her face, and Draco couldn't help but feel a little excitement. He was really curious to see what kind of animal his Patronus was going to be, and he rose from the couch.
Immediately after starting his practice he had to conclude that he had underestimated the difficulty of this charm. It was hard to focus on a feeling while simultaneously remembering the wand movement and incantation, and it took a good many tries and helpful directions from Granger before Draco managed to create more than a bright, translucent fog. He frowned at his non-corporeal shield, and Granger gave a soft chuckle.
"You're not easily satisfied, are you?"
He looked away from his attempts and saw the amusement in her eyes. "I just thought it'd be easier," he muttered reluctantly.
"Maybe you just need a stronger memory," Granger suggested softly. "It took a while before I got it right as well. Some memories seem really happy until you analyse them more closely, which makes them less effective."
Draco sat down on the coffee table and stared into the fireplace, realising that Granger was probably right. Though he really had been happy when the Dark Lord had been defeated, it had also opened up a world of uncertainty. After all, he and his family had been on the wrong side of the War, and while they had suffered like everyone else, they weren't victims.
He glanced sideways at Granger, who had sat down on the rug again with her book in her lap, and Draco smiled a little. They had been at odds since the day they had met, but despite their inimical history she was willing to help him. She treated him like a human being, and though the voice in the back of his head often quietly repeated opinions from years ago, he didn't feel the need to take them to heart anymore.
Over the past few months, Granger had shown him more grace and acceptance than he had ever shown her. In a school full of people who would rather not have him around, she had gone out of her way to try to make him feel better despite the fact that she had every reason to hate him. It still wasn't always easy, but he was starting to embrace his appreciation for her kindness.
Suddenly thinking of something, Draco slowly got to his feet and tightened his grip on his wand. He closed his eyes and remembered the day he had kissed Granger on the Quidditch Pitch. Though he didn't regret doing it, the kiss was not the main focus of this memory. It was about the comfort of her presence and the kindness with which she had treated him; her understanding and the feeling of acceptance that had washed over him. It was all a little abstract, but it was definitely giving him the warmth he was looking for, and without fully realising he raised his wand and spoke the incantation.
"Oh!"
When he opened his eyes he saw Granger jump up with a delighted expression on her face. She grabbed his arm and turned him around a little, and finally Draco saw why she was apparently so excited: he had succeeded. He glanced down at her to see that she was still holding his arm as she stared after his Patronus. Seemingly feeling his gaze on her, Granger looked up at him with a thoroughly amused twinkle in her eyes, and though he was a little annoyed, he also felt proud.
"Just my luck," he muttered to her, and then he looked up again to try and appreciate his Patronus. "One of my most humiliating memories, and now it'll be a part of me forever."
"Malfoy," Granger started, clearly trying to keep from laughing. "I know they look sort of similar, but it's not a ferret. It's a pine marten."
He cocked his head a little and studied his corporeal Patronus more closely, realising she was right. Finally the Patronus faded away, and Draco glanced down at Granger again. "Thank you," he said softly.
She did a bad job covering up her surprise, but she smiled at him despite it. "How does it feel to know that despite being particularly unpleasant, you're not actually that bad?"
He rolled his eyes but couldn't keep a proud smirk off his face. It felt good.