Shuchiin Academy.
It was a prestigious school with an ancient and honorable origin, founded as a facility to educate upper-crust children.
The focus on nobility was gone, but many talented students born into wealthy, distinguished families and shouldering the nation's future still attended the school.
As a prestigious school, it would make sense for its security system to be considered top notch as well.
Indeed, as the darkness of night comes the entire school complex was vacated. Some sections were completely sealed off while guards were dispatched to patrol for the remainder of the night.
It was like the entire academy had turned into an impenetrable fortress!
Or at least, that would be the ideal!
While much of the sensitive and vital locations received maximum security measures, much of the academy was left with a much more reasonable approach.
For a very specific definition of reasonable.
Indeed, in the building assigned for the use of the Student Council, the hallway was littered with laser motion detectors. There were no guards, so to speak, since such measures would be reasonable enough to deter most intruders.
But not this certain intruder.
In the pitch black corridor, a person clad in a skintight bodysuit navigated through the web of infrared lasers aided by advanced goggles designed to precisely see the thin faint red lines from diffraction.
The person rolled and leaped around with such grace that it was almost like they were moving in zero gravity. Finally, they soundlessly landed on the floor in front of the door.
Next, they would have to deal with the security measures on the door.
...Irrelevant. When you have the correct key the alarm would not be triggered.
Indeed, with just a twist of the key, the door to the student council office opened without trouble and the intruder waltzed in without even bothering to be careful. Inside the room itself, there was no specific security measures installed.
The intruder removed their infrared goggles. Revealing herself to be none other than Hayasaka Ai!
Indeed, as Shinomiya Kaguya's Personal Valet, she was professionally trained to respond to various situations. And now, per Kaguya's request, she had come here to fulfill a mission.
Heading for the cabinet, the intruder reached for the jar of roasted coffee beans inside. Hayasaka then put back a similar looking jar, but with entirely different contents.
"Forgive me President Shirogane." Hayasaka muttered, "This is also for the sake of Kaguya-sama."
Indeed, there was almost nothing she would refuse to do if it was to fulfill her mission.
Time passed, and now, it was after school the next day when Kaguya and Miyuki sat on the sofa, after they had finished their current paperwork.
Indeed, it was just the right time to enjoy their usual coffee break.
But!
Kaguya had already devised a plan. And for that reason, yesterday Kaguya had sent Hayasaka to swap the coffee jar without anyone noticing. Thus the night infiltration.
Extreme measures? That was just how Shinomiya Kaguya worked.
And now, Hayasaka was standing outside, keeping anyone from possibly interrupting her as she waited for the right time to execute her plan.
Indeed, there was no way this could possibly go wrong-
Or so she thought as Hachiman climbed into the room and entered through the window.
Kaguya screamed.
"Oh, Hachiman, want to enjoy a coffee break with us?" Miyuki asked.
"Heh. Nah, I'm kind of in a hurry and I need to fetch a bunch of stuff." Hachiman lightly answered as he yanked a bunch of folders and documents out from somewhere or other.
"Hikigaya-san, I would appreciate if you entered through the door normally, like a civilized person."
"Can you hear it? That's the sound of my tiny violin." Hachiman made a pinching gesture, completely ignoring Kaguya as he continued to pile up the needed items.
However, at the same time, he reached for the coffee jar.
And took a single bean to put into his mouth, with cringe-inducing crunch sound following. Kaguya chided, seriously, just how more unruly he can be? Only barbarians would eat roasted coffee bean like that!
"...did someone switched the coffee?" Hachiman asked.
Kaguya almost had a heart attack.
"Huh? No, it's the same as yesterday, why?" Miyuki asked.
"Nah." Hachiman grabbed a few more coffee beans, and then put them in a cup. Then he poured hot water quickly and gave it to Miyuki. "Smell it."
Miyuki took a deep breath and gasped in shock. It was the smell of acetate!
"How could this be?!" Miyuki said in horror as he jumped away from the sofa, "How could such wretched parody of God's gift to mankind have been allowed in here!"
"Whoa, dude, get a grip." Hachiman deadpanned, no matter how you viewed it, Miyuki was overreacting. "It's just decaf."
No, you don't understand him at all! Kaguya screamed mentally. President is very much justified in feeling such horror!
Indeed! Shirogane Miyuki suffered from extreme caffeine addiction!
Suffering from a chronic lack of sleep, Shirogane Miyuki's livelihood was extremely reliant on regular intakes of caffeine. Without a sufficient dose every three hours, his body would shut itself down; thus he would fall asleep as a body preservation mechanism.
But...how could he...
The smell of acetate in the coffee could thus be summarized with two words: Decaffeinated Coffee!
The caffeine removal method can be divided into four processes. Among them, one method involves the use of ethyl acetate solvent. Ethyl Acetate is considered a minor irritant, with a foul smell, and it will vaporize at a semi-hot temperature of 77 Celsius.
Using the Ethyl Acetate solvent method, the taste of the coffee itself would not be changed, unlike with the carbon dioxide or swiss water decaffeination processes.
As long as you leave the coffee for a minute or so after pouring hot water in, the smell would disappear perfectly leaving a coffee with an identical, delicious rich taste but only one-tenth the caffeine content!
To put it simply, that was nowhere near enough to fulfill Miyuki's needs!
Shinomiya Kaguya began to shiver in complete terror. When it came to finding the culprit, it was just a matter of time now.
"I need coffee. A real coffee, not this piece of-"
Hachiman threw him a can of his favorite, the Georgia MAX coffee. Though some people considered it too sugary and creamy, it's coffee taste was actually pretty bold, just hidden well behind the superfluous addition of condensed milk.
"Not quite the pure blend you want, but it should suffice."
"Domo." Miyuki opened the can and drank its contents. It really was too sweet. But still, better than some decaf shit. "Now, the question is when exactly was the coffee changed and why."
Kaguya gave up.
At this point, it was simply better to come out clean. Indeed, she still had a trump card that she had yet to use recently.
"Uuu, President, I'm sorry!" Kaguya faked tears and mumbled sadly.
LADY INNOCENT!
It was a negotiation skill passed down from parent to children in the Shinomiya family. It was said that this calculated expression and voice would make even Gods' heart beat faster.
Indeed, Miyuki's pattern of thought was shattered the moment he saw Kaguya like this.
"Truthfully, I was thinking about what happened recently, and I thought maybe you drank too much caffeine." Kaguya said, "I'm rather worried with your state of health. So I decided to switch the coffee without telling anyone. Please forgive me."
"Ah...so it was like that." Miyuki looked like he was convinced.
He wasn't!
If it had been anyone else, he would have bought that explanation at face value. However, spending more than six months with Kaguya, flirting-sorry, fighting countless battles of love, it made him resistant towards this killer special-technique.
Or, at the very least, the effects would last a much shorter span of time on him than anyone else. And he quickly regained his senses before he could fall into her trap without any means of escape.
What the hell was Shinomiya planning by trying to make me fall asleep here?
Kaguya looked at Hachiman.
Who also looked completely unconvinced.
Indeed, for a Monster of Logic, even such a divine trick would not and could not work. Hachiman knew Kaguya's character through and through. He would have seen through those veils no matter what.
And unlike Miyuki, Hachiman was not that lenient. So, as he loomed over Kaguya with an ominously smug grin on his face, he said. "You feel that worried about President's health, huh? How cute."
Kaguya and Miyuki both froze in shock. But Kaguya even more so, it was incredibly humiliating!
"I better get going and get a real nap at home instead." Miyuki kindly smiled as if nothing had happened. For now, at least, he was going to retreat from whatever schemes Kaguya had planned. It was a little scarier than usual.
It's over.
Even though Kaguya had managed to mitigate the damage, Miyuki looked seriously frightened as he left the room through the open door with his bag in hand. It wouldn't surprise her if Miyuki would be wary of receiving anything from Kaguya's hand for the next few days.
Hachiman couldn't care less and just jumped out of the window again. Though, this time, he took it slowly by using one hand to hang on the window sill and then gently fall down to the ground without scaring everyone as he had yesterday.
Kaguya was shaken hard enough that it took her quite a few minutes until she composed herself. And so, when she had managed to at last cope with the situation, she clicked something to call for Hayasaka.
"What's the matter, Miss?!"
Hayasaka rushed through the door with a concerned face. That button was only for emergency summons after all.
A dark fire of anger and despair engulfed Kaguya as she slumped uncharacteristically, hugging both her knees. Kaguya glared at Hayasaka, her eyes completely lifeless.
"It was a total, catastrophic failure," Kaguya said, her voice wavering. "Catastrophic failure."
Hayasaka had the feeling something bad was going to happen anyway. But for Kaguya to be this traumatized, it must be something big.
"Hayasaka." Kaguya raised her face and made a maniacal grin, "Find where Hikigaya Hachiman lives and find his weakness. No matter the cost."
"Not only has he made me embarrassed today, but your hard work last night also went to waste because of him. Don't you want that sweet, sweet taste of revenge too?"
"Ah."
Hayasaka wouldn't consider herself angry or anything. After all, she was a professional. And if her efforts went to waste...It was Kaguya's problem, not hers. Nevertheless, this was hardly the first time Hachiman had ruined her work. Indeed, just like the case with President Shirogane's phone.
This was a threat far worse in severity than the embodiment of chaos theory, [Subject F]. What kind of man was he, really?
やはり, 彼らが望む告白は間違っている.
As expected, the Confession they want is wrong
Original Story by: Watari Wataru and Akasaka Aka
Written by: ZeroXSEED, Co-Writer/Editor: GoukaRyuu
Chapter 5 - Hayasaka wants to know... (Part 1)
"[We found him, Hayasaka-sama.]"
Hayasaka pinched the communication button on her collar. "Tell me where he is, and keep track of him."
"[He's heading for the front gate, highly likely to be leaving the school area.]"
Hayasaka hurriedly chased after Hachiman, who was just about to leave the gate. However, the direction he was heading was a bit...off.
Hayasaka had memorized each and every detail of this region's topography and city planning, and Hayasaka was sure Hachiman was heading toward an abandoned factory complex.
Indeed, as Hayasaka moved from one piece of cover to another, she could see Hachiman standing in front of a closed gate. And then, with one hand as leverage, he leapt over it.
Hmm, so he travels over this area every day. That must explain why.
After making sure Hachiman couldn't see her, Hayasaka leapt over the gate herself, though she did it without even bothering to use her hand. Carefully, she followed him as he jumped from one wall to another without care.
Hayasaka had to be very careful not to make any sound. She looked at her watch and noticed the passage of time.
If you took a detour around the area you would spend almost ten minutes walking to school. But, passing over the restricted area would cut that time in half, maybe even less.
"So he does this to save time," Hayasaka remarked and then wrote the observation into her notes.
"[We got him on camera. He's heading to the parking area.]"
"Give me a feed," Hayasaka ordered. Using her cellphone she was able to see a view from the drones flying outside, watching over Hachiman's movement.
Hayasaka decided she couldn't delay any more and hurried to catch up with Hachiman.
There, she saw that Hachiman was meeting with someone.
Hayasaka knew the person.
It was none other than the President of the Astrology Club, Ryuju Momo. Her other identity would be daughter of the boss of the Ryuju Yakuza group. Indeed, Ryuju Momo was also one of the top Shuchiin VIP students. As such, she was one of the few people that even members of the student council would be hesitant to mess with.
Hayasaka wasn't able to hear what they were talking about. She did see Hachiman trying to grab at the hat Ryuju Momo was wearing, which caused her to punch him in the gut in response.
"Does he have a death-wish?" Hayasaka pondered and then took a picture.
Of course, Hachiman pulled out his signature slipper and slapped her on the head with it. Twice.
"He's suicidal." Hayasaka wrote in her notes. Or maybe, rather than suicidal, he had nothing to fear? Might as well write both down, just in case.
There was no way any other student would be able to get away with that. Indeed, Momo looked mighty pissed, but obediently put away her hat and instead put on a bike safety-helmet after she kicked Hachiman's back in retaliation.
Interesting.
"Get me a car, and keep track of his movement," Hayasaka said. She also didn't forget to take even more pictures before that.
Hachiman left the parking area riding a motorbike with Momo on the rear seat. Hayasaka came out of her hiding spot and then entered a car that one of Kaguya's servants had arrived in. For the purpose of going incognito, bringing a luxury car would be problematic. So instead, a Kei Car* was used as camouflage.
Through drone surveillance, Hayasaka and the servant could follow Hachiman's movements indirectly. Having some breathing room, Hayasaka decided to call Kaguya and give a preliminary report. Indeed, modern technology made such a hassle seems easy.
"[Hayasaka, what is it?]"
"I'm following him as we speak."
"[Good, anything that I should know about?]"
"He's riding tandem with Ryuju Momo."
"[Ri-riding tandem? On a bike?]"
"Motorbike." Hayasaka corrected, "Shuchiin forbids students from bringing one to school, so it's not surprising he would park it quite a bit away from school."
"[Yes, I know. But Ryuju Momo? Huh. I...I wonder if they're going out. What do you think?]"
Hayasaka tried to measure her response. Indeed, from what she had seen back in the parking area, it would not be a stretch to consider them dating.
"I would not discount the possibility, Kaguya-sama. But perhaps we shouldn't be-"
"Uh, we're entering Ryujugumi's territory." The driver warned, "We should be careful not to make a ruckus."
"-rash. However, it seems that Hikigaya is giving her a ride home. So perhaps they are quite close, regardless of their relationship." Hayasaka decided.
Indeed, any failure on Hayasaka's part would be a huge blow to the Shinomiya family. She needed to tread carefully. After all, Kaguya would have to shoulder the blame for any mishap as well. Though, Hayasaka found the prospect rather unpleasant.
"I believe we're getting close to the Ryuju main branch." The driver said.
"That's alright, just stop somewhere close and wait for me. Call back the drones, this area is high risk." Hayasaka jumped out of the car and quickly strode toward a certain building in the area.
The main headquarter of the Ryujugumi Minato branch. As main headquarter of the largest organized crime group in the area, it look fairly unassuming. It wasn't even the largest building in the block, but Hayasaka knew it contain many delicate secret not even Shinomiya family would like to deal with.
She saw Hachiman's cruiser bike parked alongside many other bikes. Then she saw Hachiman and Momo walk upstairs towards the entrance.
When they almost were in front of the entrance, Hachiman stopped walking.
"Looks like it's about time for him to return?" Hayasaka guessed.
However, Hayasaka was a bit surprised when Momo suddenly pulled Hachiman closer by his collar.
Was that a goodbye kiss, or something else? Either way, it's juicy. That was what went through Hayasaka's mind as her hands automatically took pictures so rapidly the results were going to look like a slow motion video.
This should be enough blackmail material, or so Hayasaka decided as she returned back to rendezvous with the servant and the car. What she did not expect however was that Hachiman spotted her as he passed them on the road and stopped to look closer.
Hachiman squinted his eyes, it seemed that he was really suspicious. Hayasaka had no choice but to put on the most perfect act possible.
"Oh hey, aren't you from the Student Council?" She said cheerfully, in her cover's usual gal, air-headed fashion. "Fancy seeing you around here. Do you live around here?"
No one had ever been succeed to break through this Gal persona. After all, this style also built based on Hayasaka's personal preference, so it would have been far more convincing, as Hayasaka can assume the act more naturally.
"Nah, I was just giving the Yakuza Princess a ride." Hachiman said matter of factly, "You're from Shinomiya's class right?"
"Eh? Yeah, Vice President is my classmate, why?"
"Well, I'm not quite the type to judge, so I won't say anything. Besides, students from Shuchiin come from all matter of backgrounds. But you should take care of yourself better." Hachiman scoffed, "Your client is waiting."
Client?
Hayasaka looked behind her only to realize that the Kei car was parked right in front of a hotel, famous for its high-class prostitution schemes.
Oh.
No.
He misunderstood. Badly. This must be rectified post haste.
Hayasaka turned beet red and was about to scream and give a proper explanation, but Hachiman had already taken off, leaving nothing but a cloud of thin smoke out of his bike's exhaust.
"Awawawa!" Hayasaka was at loss for words.
In trying to acquire blackmail material on Hikigaya Hachiman, Hayasaka ended up giving him her blackmail material instead. All because of a stupid misunderstanding and inconvenient timing.
The result of today's battle: Kaguya and Hayasaka's loss (of dignity)
* A type of Japanese car which can generally be described as a tiny, urban car with a maximum of four seats and 660cc engine.